This Has To Stop
by SandyKirsten
Summary: Kirsten's twenty five year affair with Jimmy has her questioning her solid marriage. This is turning into a major KANDY fic. Chapter 28 THE FINAL CHAPTER is up! Life in Berkeley!
1. The First Time

_**Hey Everyone – I know I said it would be a while before I posted another story, but I g uses I just couldn't stay away. I hope everyone enjoys it!**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't anything, but 3 DVD sets and the OC Scene It game (which by the way, rocks!)**_

The first time it happened, Kirsten was in utter shock. She couldn't believe she could be so reckless.

Reckless.

Careless.

Out of Control.

She and Sandy had just started dating and she was crazy about him. Her life in Berkeley finally felt complete, but old habits were hard to break. She and Sandy were taking things slow. They had not slept together yet, not by his choice, but she was hesitant. After her only one night stand and a trip to the local clinic, she wanted to make better choices. She knew that Sandy was the perfect gentleman, and there was no reason not to trust him, but she really didn't want to screw it up by complicating things with sex.

Too little too late.

She managed to screw things up far beyond becoming intimate with Sandy. She went back to Newport for a three-day weekend and managed to fall back into the past and almost screw up her future.

She remembered that night so vividly. She remembered having a few drinks and a great time catching up with everyone from high school. She remembered Jimmy's signs of affection. He kissed her square on the lips when he picked her up. She was taken aback and he justified it by saying, "You just look so beautiful, you cannot expect me not to kiss you. Your lucky I am a gentleman, otherwise we wouldn't be going anywhere tonight." She stared at his smile and realized how much she missed him, how much she missed them as a couple. How could she not? He was a huge part of her life up until about a year ago. Things were finally starting to not feel as awkward since when they first broke up.

As the night progressed, Kirsten found herself becoming more and more flirtatious. She couldn't help it. It seemed so natural, plus any way you sliced it, it still felt good. Kirsten could help but like the fact that Jimmy still held a candle for her affection. It felt good to know that she still had what attracted him, even though she went on and on about Sandy and how wonderful he is. Jimmy didn't seem to care, upholding this semi-obnoxious type of confidence.

She found him later on pouring two drinks and to thank him, without thinking, she leaned in a kissed him square on the mouth. She couldn't believe she just did that, but it did feel nice. He looked at her in surprise wondering where that came from and where it was going to go from there.

When he dropped her off, he walked her to the door even though she told him not to. She figured that would be the best way to prevent anything from happening. He kissed her squarely on the mouth once again after he said goodnight. He lingered close to her, to wait out her reaction. She knew not to do this. She knew she had Sandy waiting for her back at Berkeley. She knew no good could come of this, but with the alcohol in her system, curiosity got the best of her. She leaned in and kissed him one more time reveling in the familiarity of his lips and the warmth of the embrace that followed. After feeling his tongue dance with hers, she pulled away. "Jimmy, we shouldn't..."

Before she finished her statement, he interrupted. "Why not? Kirsten, you feel so good." He leaned in and started kissing her again passionately. She couldn't stop. It just felt so good. He walked them both backwards toward the front door of her house. She was pinned, feeling the growing sensation between his legs push against her groin. Familiarity and comfort beat out guilt and righteousness.

"Pool house?" He asked, fully aware she knew what he was asking for.

She agreed which didn't take much convincing. Before she knew it, her clothing was being removed, she was tugging at his pants, he was kissing parts of her Sandy hadn't even explored yet. The thought of Sandy made her whole body tense and Jimmy felt it.

"Are you okay?" He was concerned that she all of a sudden didn't want this anymore.

She stared up at him as his naked body hovered hers. Her right hand moved up to her face to rub her forehead, as if that would magically take her out of this situation. Plus it covered her face from Jimmy's. "We shouldn't be doing this. It's not right. Sandy..."

Jimmy didn't want to hear it. "Kirsten, this never felt so good. It has been too long. You and I will always have this type of relationship. It's who we are. We can't help it. Besides, no one will ever have to know. This can stay between you and me. I promise."

Kirsten knew it was wrong. She knew she should stop, but Jimmy did make a lot of sense.

Sense?

Logic?

Reason?

None of these things played any part in her mind. She blocked it all out and focused on the fact that Jimmy was right. No one had to know. Before she had a chance to say anything else, she felt his lips on her again. Things progressed and it was like they were never apart. The sex was exactly the same as she remembered it. Not that it was bad, just the same. No surprises and certainly no orgasms. She figured it would have felt different since they had not been together for a year. She figured he would have picked up some skills or some new moves from some of the others he had been with since her. He didn't.

After he fell off her, she immediately got up and started putting on her clothes. She didn't want to make eye contact with him, clearly ashamed of herself and her actions. He figured she didn't want to lie there like they normally did, so he got up and started getting dressed as well.

As she got dressed, she immediately thought about Sandy and how much this was going to hurt him. She thought about how she was going to tell him and how she needed to figure out a way for him not to walk away from her forever.

Jimmy could tell her mind was working in full speed. He could tell she was upset about what happened and he wanted to reassure her. It was the least he could do. "Kirsten, I meant what I said. No one has to know about this." He made his way over to her and rested his hands on her waist, trying to look into her eyes to get his point across. She didn't want to look up at him because as bad as it was, she knew he was right. She knew Sandy would never find out about this if she didn't tell him.

"I know." She put her head down trying to put her thoughts into words. "I just feel so bad lying to him."

"To who? Sandy?" Jimmy knew who, but he hated the fact that she cared so much about someone else's feelings.

"Yes, Sandy." She gave him a knowing smile, communicating she knew it bothered him. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

"I sorry about am thinking of him right after we just..."

He cupped her face and softly kissed her lips to quiet her worries. "It's okay. Everything is going to be fine. No matter what happens, you and I will always have a piece of each other. It would be hard for anyone to grasp that, especially Sandy."

"I know. I feel like I have to tell him, but I know that if I do, I am going to lose him."

"It's simple. Don't. This part of our relationship can always be our little secret. Okay?"

"Yeah." She replied, not feeling as sure about it as he did.

When she arrived back at Berkeley, Sandy was there with open arms. Within seconds of seeing him, she realized she made a mistake and the guilt was going to kill her. But most of all, she knew she could never tell him. She wasn't willing to take the risk of losing him. Jimmy was right, Sandy didn't have to know.

Thoughts of Jimmy and that night were pushed to the back of her mind. As time passed, the guilt passed as well. It was only two weeks after she slept with Jimmy that she gave into Sandy's needs. Not that he pressured her or anything, but she knew it was time to take their relationship to the next level. She couldn't use the excuse of not trusting him as an issue anymore. If anyone couldn't be trusted, it was her.

She wanted to sleep with him for a while, but something kept holding her back. When she returned from Newport, the need for them to become intimate on the sexual level increased. Kirsten kept trying to tell herself it was because she missed him and hated being apart from him. She knew the real reason was because of the guilt.

They were at a party and people were starting to leave. Kirsten was sitting on Sandy's lap, and they were kissing, innocently at first, but their passion grew quickly. Usually when this happened, they would somehow stop and call it a night. This time it was different.

She pulled her lips away from him and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Lets continue this somewhere else?" She posed it as a question, although it was rather a statement of what she wanted.

"Really?" He was utterly surprised. Was she serious? Did she think he was going to say no?

"Really!"

As they walked back to his apartment, he couldn't help but ask her what he had on his mind. "What has gotten into you? Not that I'm complaining, I just don't want you to make a mistake."

"Why? Do you think this is going to be a mistake?"

"I don't." He stopped walking so he could face her. "I've wanted to do this for a long time, Kirsten. I just hope I didn't put any pressure on you. I meant what I said when I told you that I would wait for as long as you wanted me to. You know that right?"

Kirsten realized at that moment that she loved Sandy. Not that she would tell him. He was a guy and a statement like that would have him running in the opposite direction. "I know, but I don't want to wait anymore. I want to be with you and have known that for a while now."

"Really?" He asked again, thinking this was too good to be true.

She pushed him lightly away from her and continued walking in the direction of his house. "Stop acting so surprised. I can recognize a good thing when I see it."

"Well, hopefully you will be saying that tomorrow!" His eyes glistened with mischief. God, he loved this woman, he thought to himself.

When they arrived at Sandy's house, he took complete control over the situation. She never felt so exhilarated in her life. Not only was the sex mind-blowing, but she couldn't believe how gentle he was. Every time he touched her, she quivered. Every time he kissed her, she trembled. Every time he did something she never experienced, she was turned on beyond belief.

If she had any doubts before about telling Sandy what happened a few weeks back with Jimmy, they were all washed away. She could never tell him because she had too much to lose now. She could spend a lifetime of making love to just Sandy, the connection was so powerful.

Too bad that wasn't the case.


	2. Twice Bitten

_**Hey Everyone – Just wanted to thank all who reviewed. I don't think too many people are digging this story since there weren't too many of you. For this story, I am open to any all suggestions to where you want this to go. Please feel free to share your input.**_

_**Sarah – A friend of mine found the OC Scene It? Game in Target but it is also sold on the **_

_**Disclaimer – I own nothing otherwise there would definitely be more than 8 episodes left this season!! **_

The second time it happened, Kirsten wasn't in that much shock over it. It was a lot easier to accept than the first time. Maybe that was because they didn't get caught. Maybe it was because Jimmy kept his promise that no one had to know. The guilt was still there because her relationship with Sandy was stronger than ever.

None of this was Sandy's fault. There was no underlying reason why this happened again. If Sandy treated her poorly or if he had cheated on her, the whole situation would be easier to digest. There would be rhyme and reason. But Sandy was perfect. Kirsten hated to admit that, but there was no denying it. They had been together a little over nine months and she truly felt like she could spend the rest of her life with him. She knew he felt the same way, but knew that would change if he ever found out about Jimmy.

She wished she told Sandy what happened three months ago. She knew now, at that point, Sandy might have forgiven her. She knew if she told him and they had to work to get past it, she would have never done it again. The possibility of losing Sandy would have scared her enough to make better choices. But since she got away with it, it was easier to fall back into the trap that was Jimmy.

After nine months, Kirsten figured the only way their relationship was going to progress was to get over the hurdle of her father. Sandy knew how intimidated she was of him and basically agreed that there was no point avoiding the situation any longer.

For the weeks leading up to their arrival in Newport, Kirsten expressed her concern to Sandy that things were not going to go well. She tried to set it up where Sandy would hardly have any one on one time with Caleb. They were going to arrive on a Saturday afternoon, attend a Newpsie fundraiser her mother was hosting, and leave early Sunday morning.

Sandy tried to ease her mind by constantly telling her that it didn't matter what happened in Newport. He wasn't going to get scared or intimidated to the point of running from her. She loved him for that, but all the words in the world weren't going to calm her nerves.

Well, maybe certain words would!

"Kirsten, if you don't know this by now, I love you. I have been falling in love with you for months now. You are everything I have ever wanted and more."

Kirsten was thrilled. She wanted to jump up into his arms and claim that she loved him too. She wanted to tell him she had felt it for months but was too scared to say it. She wanted to express how excited she was that he felt it too. She wanted to show him. All of these thoughts and feelings were immediately wiped away when Sandy continued his complimentary speech.

"You are the most sincere and honest person I have ever met. I thank God everyday that Rebecca walked out of my life because it meant you walking into it. I know you would never hurt me like she did and the trust I have in you is something that I couldn't be more grateful for."

Kirsten stood there frozen. All these beautiful things he was saying about her were completely untrue. How could she accept these compliments when she had information that would crush him worse than Rebecca ever did. She couldn't say it back. Although she felt that she loved him, she felt like such a phony saying it to him when he had such a misconception of how she really treated him in the past. Lost in her own thoughts, Sandy spoke again pulling her out of her trance.

"I'm sorry if I said too much, but I really wanted you to know how I felt." He picked up on how quiet she was and he started to get nervous. "You don't have to say anything back. Actually don't say anything at all. I rather you say it on your own terms, when you feel it. Not because I said it first." He cupped her face and kissed her ever so softly. "I love you and never want you to doubt it."

She smiled at him and leaned in to give him a hug. She really did love him, but now was not the time to express it. He didn't want her to, plus his loving words only made her feel terrible.

When they arrived in Newport, it was Sandy's turn to be shocked. He knew she was wealthy. He knew her father was powerful and domineering. What he didn't know was the extent to it all, but Sandy maintained a level of confidence to make Kirsten proud.

He watched Kirsten mingle with people who thought they were above him. He hated how people saw him, but he loved that she didn't even seem to notice. And if she did, she acted like she didn't care what anyone else thought. She pulled him onto the dance floor, proving this to him.

"You doing okay?" She asked, concerned he was having a miserable time.

"I'm fine. Stop worrying about me. Aside from your Dad's obvious dislike for me, I am having a good time. How could I not? Look at you!" He looked her up and down for probably the millionth time that night. "You look incredible in red."

She smiled and moved closer to him, resting her chin on his shoulder, relaxing in his arms. Her eyes were browsing the crowd as she swayed with Sandy to the music when she spotted Jimmy enter, with a gorgeous red headed girl who looked nothing like what she was used to seeing in Newport. Sandy felt Kirsten's whole body tense and pulled back to see what the cause was. He followed her eyes to the entrance of the room, focusing on a guy he had seen only in pictures. He turned his attention back to Kirsten, noticing a look he had never seen on her face. It was worry mixed with anger. "Are you okay?"

She heard Sandy ask, and figured at this point, honesty would be the best policy. "That's Jimmy."

Sandy knew that name. Kirsten's ex who she dated all through high school.

"I have no idea who he is with." Kirsten said it because she was curious, but also because it bothered her to see him with someone else. Not that she would ever admit that to Sandy, although he recognized jealousy from a mile away.

"Does it matter?" Sandy was starting to get nervous as he watched Kirsten's reaction.

She knew he wasn't asking if it mattered who he was with. She knew he was really asking if it mattered that he was with someone at all. Kirsten wanted to reassure him, plus she really didn't need Sandy to think more into it that he was. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. "It doesn't matter at all."

As the night progressed, Kirsten couldn't keep her eyes off the girl Jimmy was with. She just didn't seem like his type, but then again, what did she know? She saw Jimmy doing the same thing - checking out Sandy and wondering how someone like him infiltrated the Newport bubble through someone like Kirsten.

As guests started to filter out and her father was busy closing deals at the end of the night, Kirsten talked Sandy into going for a walk on the beach. She just wanted to have him all to herself for a little bit before they returned to her house.

As they walked along the beach in a comfortable silence, Sandy placed soft loving kisses on her forehead every now and then. With one arm wrapped around her waist, he felt her whole body tense the same exact way it did before.

Then he saw what the cause was. Jimmy and the red head were walking right toward them. Kirsten would never forget this moment. Introductions were made, insults were passed although all four were acting cordial, and sparks flew in every which direction.

As they said their goodbyes, Kirsten could tell that Sandy was a little upset. She wanted to reassure him that she wanted to be with him and him only, even if Jimmy's words shook her a little bit.

They drove back to her house in an uncomfortable silence, Kirsten trying to figure out what to say. She couldn't let him know that everything Jimmy had said held a little bit of weight. When they got to her house and walked through the front door, the house was completely quiet. Kirsten realized her parents were already in bed. This only meant one thing in her mind. She pushed Sandy against the wall in hallway, pressing her body up against his. She started kissing his neck, her long fingers working on undoing his tie. She heard him audibly moan and she smiled to herself, hoping he was going to go along with her plan.

"Feel good?" She asked, knowing the answer.

"You have no idea!" He replied with a shortness of breath.

"Good. Come upstairs with me." She whispered in his ear. She then pulled back to see his reaction.

He looked at her incredulously. "Are you crazy? Your father would kill me, and I don't mean that as an expression as trying to measure his anger. I really think he would actually kill me."

She leaned in and kissed him again. "I'm not worth the risk?" She asked him seductively.

"God, baby, you are worth pissing off your father, but not if I could never see you again."

She smiled back at him, thinking how sweet he was. "Fair enough."

She walked upstairs as he made his way out to the pool house. Thoughts of what Jimmy said played in her mind. She was a little peeved because he was borderline rude, but then again so was Sandy. She nestled herself into her bed and just as she started to fall asleep, she heard a familiar sound outside.

Boom.

Click.

Clank.

Bang.

She got up and turned on her light, knowing exactly what it was. She opened the French doors that led out to her own private balcony and was met with a familiar site. It was Jimmy standing on the lawn with rocks in his hand. Kirsten couldn't help but smile at him. He had done this so many times in the past, it brought back a slew of memories.

"What are you doing here?" She whispered loud enough for him to hear her.

"That's not what you usually say." He said back.

"This is not a usual situation." She said as she folded her arms across her torso.

"Come on Kiks, I just want to talk to you."

"Fine." He made his way up the outdoor stairs and crossed over to her balcony. In the meanwhile, she went back into her bedroom to grab her robe.

As he let himself in, she saw her tying her robe. "Is that really necessary? It's not like it's something I have never seen."

"Very funny. What's up?"

"I didn't want you to go back to Berkeley without talking to you. I feel bad about what happened on the beach."

Kirsten was surprised, but in a pleasant type of way. At least Jimmy confronted what happened. Sandy didn't even bring it up. He didn't want to talk about it.

"So what's with the red head?" Kirsten couldn't help, but ask.

"What do you mean what's with her? She was my date."

"I know that." Kirsten put her head down and she shouldn't say it, but it just came out. "She just doesn't look like your type."

He laughed at her. "Green is not a good color on you Kirsten."

"I'm not jealous Jimmy. She just is ..." Kirsten couldn't find the right words. She wanted to say she looked easy, without one bit of class, but not one single word suited that image.

"So is Sandy." Jimmy stated it simply, knowing exactly how she felt. He knew how he looked with Julie - out of place. It was exactly the way she looked with Sandy.

"Sandy is wonderful. You don't know him." Kirsten defended.

"I don't want to know him."

"Why not? Our paths are going to cross our whole lives. You should try to be friends with him."

"He won't be in our lives for that long."

"You're such an ass." Kirsten was getting mad now.

"Kirsten, come on. Does it look like Julie is the one for me? Don't get me wrong, she is hot as hell and is great in the sack, but you said it yourself, she is not my type. The same way Sandy isn't your type."

Kirsten let go of her anger, which was replaced by jealousy once again for the attractive red head. "Maybe we changed, both of us."

"Some things will never change between us."

Kirsten melted, knowing it was probably true. Her and Jimmy had such a history that was not something easy to let go of.

Jimmy continued, "So what's my type?"

Kirsten was really afraid to answer this, but she knew the answer he wanted to hear. "Well considering we dated for over three years, I thought it was someone like me." She chuckled a little bit. "You have to admit, the two of us are nothing alike."

He made his way over to her and put his hand on the sash of her robe. "Kirsten, you will always be my type."

Before she could respond, he pulled her robe opened and felt the silky nightgown with his fingertips. Suddenly Kirsten couldn't help herself. She knew where this was going to go. All the resisting in the world was going to end the same way. She kissed him passionately as he pulled the robe off roughly.

"I've missed you" he whispered into the crook of her neck.

Kirsten felt like she was having an out of body experience. Her head was telling her to stop, but her lips still attacked his. Her mind kept saying how hurt Sandy would be, but her hands still roamed his familiar body. Her brain was on sensory overload, and it wiped any other logical thoughts away.

"We shouldn't be doing this." She managed to get out. Jimmy didn't care, attacking her skin with his lips.

"Why not? You feel so good." As soon as he made the plunge, she stopped fighting it.

"You feel so good too."

When their breathing slowed and the realization dawned on them what had happened, they both felt guilty. He wasn't a total jerk. He knew Kirsten was trying to build something with this guy, but he could never help himself when it came to her. He would never be able to resist.

Kirsten got up to get dressed, feeling like she did when she was in high school when Jimmy usually rushed off the leave to make it home in time for curfew. "Jimmy..."

"It's okay Kirsten. This can stay between us. Let's not make a big deal out of it. You are beautiful and you make it tough for me to stay away, but I know that we are long over."

"Good. This can't keep happening though."

"I know."

"We have to be able to control giving into what is familiar."

"I know that too, but is it my fault you are so hot?" He was almost done getting dressed and made his way over to her and kissed her hard. "You are so god damn hot!"

She smiled shyly, clearly embarrassed. "You have to go."

"I know, I know. I'm going."

As she lay in bed that night, she couldn't believe she did that again. Twice she had cheated on Sandy, and this time she didn't even feel as bad about it. Jimmy was right. He would never find out. She and Sandy were heading back to Berkeley in the morning and it would be easy to act like nothing happened.

When morning came, her tryst with Jimmy seemed so distant. It almost felt like she slept off what actually happened. When they landed in Berkeley, Kirsten went back to her dorm room to shower and change her clothes before Sandy came over to spend some more time together. They had dinner and some wine before Sandy suggested something that had been on his mind since their hallway kiss the previous night.

"So does your offer still stand from last night?"

Kirsten had to wrack her brains to what offer he was talking about. She felt like so much had happened between then and now, but it hit her. She could never turn him down.

"Maybe, if you play your cards right!"

He leaned in and kissed her so gently, she savored it.

He stared deep into her eyes. "I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I will always play my cards right with you. I will never do anything to mess this up. I'm so lucky."

She couldn't help what came out next. "I love you Sandy. Not because you just said it, but because I really love you."

He was elated. He picked her up and carried her to her bedroom. They made love that night and it meant more than any sexual encounter, she ever had with Jimmy. She only hoped that all these powerful feelings she was having were not stemmed from guilt.

They couldn't be. Sandy was truly one of a kind and she knew she was starting to play with fire.

_**Please review if you have some time – and give me some suggestions if you want this to go in a certain direction.**_


	3. Three's a Charm

Hey Everyone – For those of you who are still reading and reviewing, I greatly appreciate it. I think I know where I am going with this story and it turns out that this will be a major Kandy fic. It is just going to take some time getting there. Please be patient and stick with it.

_Disclaimer – I wish I owned something OC related so my opinion on pushing a Season 5 would actually matter_.

The third time it happened, Kirsten's actions were pre-meditated. It was about two years after that night in Newport. She swore that would be the last time Jimmy would ever invade her bedroom for late night sex. Over two years, she had seen Jimmy several times and truly believed they were past all the sexual tension that existed between them. They spent time together on breaks from school, Newpsie events, and major holidays. Nothing transpired between them physically, helping Kirsten conclude that they really were just friends.

Now that Sandy knew who Jimmy was, he hated that Kirsten spent all her time with him while she was in Newport. He hated that he was her first. He hated that he was the only other man who knew Kirsten the way, he knew her. He hated that every time they came face to face, Jimmy wore this smirk basically saying he knows exactly what Sandy has got. It drove him nuts.

But Kirsten always played devil's advocate. Over the past two years, Kirsten always told Sandy the truth. She never hid anything from him, knowing there was only so much room in the vault for her skeletons. She told Sandy every time she went out with Jimmy and their high school friends. She told him every time they went out alone. She told him what they did, where they went and how much time they were together. She needed to build his trust, and figured channeling it through honesty was the only way to do so.

She also tried to explain to him numerous times that he should be happy that Jimmy was her only other sexual partner. She asked him if he could imagine if she had several past lovers, how would he deal with that? He knew she was right, but Jimmy just rubbed him the wrong way. He felt that Jimmy looked at him like he was better. He had Kirsten first so that made him the winner.

"I'm with you now." She would constantly remind him. Satisfied with that answer, he would get mad at himself for being jealous. He knew everyone had a past. She had to deal with the slew of women he was with and she seemed to accept it.

Jimmy even seemed to accept their newly found friendship, which has finally moved beyond sex - or so they thought. He still was very attracted to Kirsten and figured he always would be. Every man wanted her. She turned heads when she walked by. Jimmy knew Sandy would never be comfortable about that. Jimmy was dating Julie who was beautiful in her own way. She was sexy in a very different way and he loved exploring those differences. He was a truly satisfied man and he didn't need the familiarity of Kirsten anymore.

This all changed when he heard of the news of Kirsten getting married. Julie was pregnant and their sex life was not what it used to be. Jimmy married Julie a month before in a private ceremony Kirsten was glad not to attend. She didn't want to see Jimmy get married. She knew they were friends now, but it still would have been hard.

Not as hard as it would be for Jimmy to attend Kirsten's engagement party. With the lack of sexual satisfaction from his own marriage, he was hoping Kirsten would be on the same page as he was.

Kirsten knew she had to invite Jimmy to the party being held at her parents' house. She couldn't understand why her father insisted on having this soiree, especially when he made it quite clear how much he hated Sandy. What she did understand was that this was an opportunity for him to invite prospective clients and make business deals all night. Kirsten didn't care though. She would be able to celebrate her engagement with all her friends while her father footed the bill.

When the night finally arrived, Kirsten and Sandy, for the first time, were actually excited to attend a Newport event. They were so in love and held each other close on the dance floor at every opportunity they had.

What they didn't notice was Jimmy's eyes following them closely. Julie noticed, knowing Jimmy would always have feelings for Kirsten. The fact that Kirsten was getting married just made it easier for her to accept.

Julie wasn't feeling well and decided to go home. To Jimmy's delight, she told him to stay and enjoy the rest of the evening. He decided to do just that and put a plan into action. He made his way over to Taryn, knowing she was the woman to help him out.

"Can you do me a favor?" He asked of her.

"What kind of favor?" She asked as she moved her body close to Jimmy's.

"That kind of favor, but not for me." Jimmy's eyes found the happy couple on the dance floor and Taryn's eyes followed. She knew exactly what he wanted.

"Still holding a torch for her huh?"

"Taryn, please! Don't make this any harder for me than it is. Would you mind keeping Sandy occupied for about 20 minutes?"

Taryn looked at Sandy like a piece of meat. "I would love to. He's hot!"

Jimmy watched as Taryn weaseled her way in between Sandy and Kirsten asking to dance with the groom to be. Although Sandy looked a little scared, Kirsten stepped aside and made her way over to the bar. Jimmy knew he was on a time limit and had to get over to her quickly. As she ordered another glass of wine, he leaned up against her and whispered in her ear.

"You look beautiful tonight." Kirsten spun around when she realized that it wasn't Sandy's voice that was complimenting her.

She looked Jimmy in the eye and recognized that look. She looked away, afraid that she would melt. She hated his ability to pull her back to a place she really didn't want to be. "Thank you." She needed to fill the awkward silence. "So, I guess congratulations are in order. Where is Julie?"

"She went home. She wasn't feeling well." Thoughts of Julie only frustrated him and made him want Kirsten even more. "Can I talk to you for a minute in private?"

Kirsten skeptically agreed as she looked back at Sandy who was getting mauled by Taryn on the dance floor. She would have been jealous, but she trusted Sandy so much, plus Taryn was not his type. What right did she have anyway not to trust him?

Kirsten walked into the house and through the kitchen and into one of the three living rooms buried in the back of Caleb's mansion. This was one of those rooms that was more like a museum that no one hardly ever went into.

As Jimmy followed her, he was pleased she chose this room. They both knew no one would be tracing back and forth in here. She turned around to face him, wondering what he wanted to talk about.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked her.

She couldn't believe his nerve, but she wanted to make sure they were thinking about the same thing. "You mean the engagement?"

"Yes, Kirsten. The engagement." He repeated.

"Of course I'm sure." She was a little annoyed especially after his acts of irresponsibility. "Shouldn't I be asking you that about your marriage?"

"Probably." He held this pathetic look of sadness. "That is why I want to make sure you are not going to make the same mistakes I did. I had to do what I did. It was the honorable thing to do. It wasn't about what I wanted or probably what Julie really wanted, but it was right at the time."

"I want to marry Sandy. He is wonderful and this is probably the smartest decision I have ever made."

"Good. I just wanted to make sure. I don't want you to end up like me."

"I'm sorry Jimmy, for so many things."

"It's okay. I made my bed, now I just have to lay in it."

"I'm sorry." She repeated, feeling sorry that he had to take responsibility for his actions, knowing he was miserable.

"I don't know why you are apologizing. This was my doing. Up until marrying Julie, I always thought you and I would have ended up together."

"Jimmy..." Kirsten wanted to tell him that was not how she felt. She wanted to tell him that she loved him, and probably always will, but that she was in love with Sandy and there was a huge difference.

"You and I ..." He continued. "You and I will always be something. I know as we have gotten older, we have both changed and want different things. Just know I always want the best for you Kirsten."

She smiled warmly at him, knowing he was being honest. "I know." She whispered as she backed herself up against a closet door.

He cupped her face and kissed her gently on the cheek. "And you will always be beautiful in my eyes."

She smiled again, fearing where this was going.

Jimmy leaned in again, his warm hands pushing a blonde piece of hair away from her eyes. He didn't care that they were not in a completely private area. He didn't care that this was probably something she didn't want to happen. And he certainly didn't care that this was her engagement party to a man he could never live up to. All her saw was her and how sexy she looked and how badly he wanted this to happen. He kissed her passionately.

"Jimmy, we can't do this. Not here...not like this..."

Jimmy moved his hand behind her back and reached for the doorknob of the closet, turned it and pushed them both backwards until the darkness swallowed them. He kissed her again as his hands roamed her body. She couldn't help but think about how good it felt, but probably only because it was so wrong. He lifted up her dress - the dress she spent hours finding to knock Sandy's socks off. He tugged at her black lace panties - the Victoria's Secret number that would curl Sandy's toes. Thoughts of Sandy invaded her mind.

"Jimmy, stop." She managed to breathe out. "This has to stop. We can't keep doing this. I'm getting married and do not want this to be my life."

Jimmy was listening intently, but wanted her to see where he was coming from. "Kirsten, this will be the last time. It will have to be. I can only do this with you as a Nichol. Don't deny us this."

As irrational as it was, Jimmy's words made perfect sense to her. It would be the last time, and again Sandy would never know. She slightly nodded her head as he unzipped himself and completed yet another sinful act.

As soon as they were finished, Kirsten quickly pulled her panties up and straightened out her dress, trying to get out of there as quickly as possible. This was too close for comfort. This was too risky and as she came down from her high, she thought about what she was risking and realized it wasn't worth it. She was silent as she grabbed the knob of the door, wanting to get out of there and back to Sandy.

Jimmy tried to stop her. "Kirsten, wait. Hold on a sec."

"I have to go. I mean it Jimmy. This was it. This was the last time. I can't keep doing this." She opened the door and was glad she was greeted by a still empty room. She made her way out to the patio where the party was still in full swing.

As she spotted Sandy at the bar, she began the process of self-loathing and a guilty conscience. She just wanted to be near him to erase what she had just done. She wrapped her arms around him from behind and nuzzled her head in his neck.

"Hey you."

Sandy smiled loving when she showed him public displays of affection. He spun around to face her. "Where were you?" Before she had to a chance to answer, he continued. "You left me with that urban cougar friend of yours. She scares me a bit."

Kirsten laughed, not wanting to answer his question. Instead she figured she could easily change the subject. "I'm sorry. I promise to make it up to you." She gave him the sad eyes.

"Oh don't you give me those eyes. You know I am powerless before the eyes."

She smiled again, wondering if anyone else on this earth could ever make her this happy. "How about a dance in the meanwhile?" She asked.

"Absolutely."

He led her onto the dance floor, completely forgetting that she had disappeared for 20 minutes. He held her in his arms, thinking he was the luckiest man alive. "You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. You know that?"

The guilt immediately returned. If he only knew what she just did, he would never be thinking positive thoughts about her. She couldn't even entertain such an idea. "I know. I love you more than anything in this world. You know that?"

He smiled. "I know."

Kirsten held him close, afraid to loosen her grip, afraid he would eventually find out and leave her for good. She knew this thing with Jimmy has finally come to an end. She just somehow had to protect Sandy from the truth. She knew she really had to protect herself from it as well.

--

--

_**Please hit that button to keep me motivated!**_


	4. Four's The Score

_**Sorry for the lag in time. I had major trouble getting motivated. My apologies to all! Only one or two more chapters before we come into present time and we get some Kandy action and angst.**_

_**Disclaimer: I own nothing otherwise the show wouldn't have been cancelled.**_

Many years went by before it happened for the fourth time. Kirsten and Sandy were happily married for six years, living in Berkeley with their well-adjusted son Seth. They rarely returned to Newport, loving their life in Berkeley. Sandy was thrilled that Kirsten was so happy in Berkeley, never once mentioning returning to Newport.

Then the phone call came. It was like a whirlwind. Sandy listened to Kirsten receive the news that her mother was sick. He watched her eyes dart quickly back and forth, searching for answers that were not to come. Sandy stayed by Kirsten's side, not saying a word. Words were not going to fix this.

The following weeks were filled with angst for Kirsten. She was so consumed by the heart breaking news that she lost her patience with Seth and was basically blaming Sandy for everything that was wrong with the world just because he was there.

She was spending her weekends in Newport, trying to make up for the lack of time spent with her mother over the past few years, trying to rid the guilt she felt for leaving. The first few weeks, Sandy was extremely supportive. He understood her need to be there and respected her for that. But as time went on, he hated how she treated Seth and how her life in Berkeley meant nothing to her anymore.

Sandy watched as his wife disconnected herself from their family and it nearly killed him. She didn't want to be around them. He wanted to be there for her without becoming a smothering nuisance, but that task seemed impossible. He offered to go to Newport with her multiple times, but she just pushed him away over and over again.

He realized that she was so upset. He knew she was having a tough time dealing. She knew he was just trying to help. She knew he was frustrated with her. But with all these realizations and feelings, the lack of communication was straining their marriage.

After about two months of traveling back and forth to Newport to take care of her mother, Kirsten felt like she needed a break. She needed to get out of the house. She needed to get away from her father and his constant badgering to move back. She spoke to Sandy earlier that evening, but they really had nothing to say to each other. She spoke to Seth, telling him that she missed him, tears forming in her eyes. When Sandy got back on the phone, he told her like he always did that he loved her. She told him that she loved him too.

She wandered down the beach by her parent's house. She thought about how many times she walked this same path when her mind was occupied with negative thoughts and just needed to be cleared. She thought about how miserable her life had become. She hated how her relationship with Sandy was deteriorating because of the strain she was causing.

She hadn't even dropped the bombshell on him yet. She hadn't told him that her father's words were constantly infiltrating her brain. She needed to tell him her desire to move back to Newport and start their life over. She knew if there was anything he would hate to do, it would be to uproot his and Seth's life from Berkeley.

She was lost in her own thoughts of how she was going to tell Sandy, and how they were going to explain this all to Seth. As she kept walking further, she didn't hear her name being called from a distance.

"Kirsten?"

He tried again.

"Kirsten?" That time she thought she heard her name.

She turned around to where the voice was coming from, she saw him in a distance. It was actually a relief to see a familiar face.

"Hey Jimmy. What are you doing out here so late?"

"I could be asking you the same question. Actually, I could be asking what you are doing in Newport at all."

"Visiting my mom and trying the clear my head. Your turn."

"Just trying to take a step back from my life for a bit. God, that sounds so bad. How is your mom doing? We heard about her illness."

"She's…She's…" Kirsten tried to think of the right words, but all that she felt was an enormous lump in her throat and tears formulating in her eyes.

Jimmy noticed how upset she became and, without thought, pulled her into an embrace. "Where's Sandy?" He whispered into her ear, wondering why he wasn't walking on the beach with her, comforting her.

"He's in Berkeley with Seth. I can't handle taking care of my mother and playing referee with him and my father." Kirsten realized that she might have said too much. "I'm sorry."

Jimmy knew why she was apologizing but wanted to let her know there was really no need. "There is no room for apologies tonight. Okay? Besides, I just told you that I came here to get away from my family."

"Jimmy…" Kirsten wanted to tell him it was none of her business. That they shouldn't be confiding in each other about their marriages. It just didn't seem right. But before she could say it, he presented an idea that she couldn't refuse.

"You want to get out of her, maybe get some drinks, forget about life for awhile?"

The thought of getting drunk and leaving her troubles on that beach seemed like a great idea. "You read my mind!"

She followed him off the beach and toward his sports car. Kirsten couldn't help but think how Sandy would never drive a car like this. Not on his salary anyway. They drove to this Mexican restaurant that was known for their sangria and margaritas. Two pitchers of Sangria later, neither intended to bring their problems from the beach and lay them out on the table for the other to see.

"He's never going to understand." She slurred. "He is never going to move back here. He hates it here. He hates my father. I think a part of him hates you." She didn't mean for that to come out. Jimmy didn't need to know of Sandy's insecure jealousy. She needed to change the subject hoping Jimmy didn't catch the last statement. "Tequila shots? I think we should do some." She turned to face the bartender and get his attention.

"Tequila shots? Are you crazy? I haven't done those in forever. We are going to have to take a cab home."

Kirsten didn't care at that moment if she never went home. She ordered, and turned to look at Jimmy, while the bartender poured. "I didn't mean to unload all of that on you. It's really is none of your business. But it feels good to let it out."

"You can tell me anything. It won't go past this restaurant. I think our history speaks that pledge in volumes." Kirsten blushed knowing he was referring to all the times he slept with her while she was with Sandy.

Lick.

Shoot.

Suck.

One shot down.

"Besides, my life is a total disaster. I am living my father's life, minus a loving marriage. She could be a nightmare, Kirsten." He put his head down embarrassed he was talking about his wife this way. "Another shot?"

Lick.

Shoot.

Suck.

Two shots down.

She was starting to get wasted. She put her hand on his arm. "You can tell me if you want to talk about it."

"What's there to talk about? I screwed up. I let you go." Jimmy realized what he said and knew he should take it back, but he didn't want to. He saw the look in Kirsten's eyes. He knew she was flattered and that was enough to please him. "And if makes you feel any better, I don't think Julie hates a part of you. I know she hates all of you."

Kirsten laughed. "It's not funny, but think about how interesting it would be if we actually did move here."

Jimmy started to laugh, but deep down he was thinking that if they did move here, they would never be able to hang out like they are tonight. Sandy and Julie would never be okay with it.

Kirsten knew what he was thinking. "One more shot. I think I need one more shot to handle what is going through both of our minds right now."

Jimmy turned to the bartender, ordered another round of shots and turned back to Kirsten. He decides to make a toast. "To no longer being friends when you move here! Not the friends that you and I are now, anyway." He states sadly.

Lick.

Shoot.

Suck.

The third one roughly gets down.

She gives him this look that tells him what she wants. She speaks and it solidifies the deal. "As miserable as you are Jimmy, you still look good."

"You are going to be 78 and still look incredible."

She laughs uncontrollably, only now realizing how drunk she is. Then she feels his lips on hers and, with the help of red wine and tequila, she forgets all her problems. It feels great.

"Let's get some air." Jimmy whispers when he pulls away. He didn't really know what was going to happen. He really didn't have a plan. He knew he couldn't drive anywhere, but didn't want the night to end. She followed him outside, but started to question him as he made his way toward his car.

"There's no way you are driving anywhere."

"I know, but it is going to feel so good to lean." As Jimmy leaned on the door of his car, he let out a sigh of relief. "Come on, lean. It feels so good." He was obviously intoxicated.

They leaned in silence for what felt like forever, but in drunk time, it was probably 3 minutes or so. Kirsten broke the silence.

"Thanks for listening Jimmy." She turned her body to face him. He looked over at her, surprised that she started leaning into him.

She knew it was wrong and was fully aware of what she was doing. She just didn't care. She reached toward his lips initiated the second kiss of the night. She just wanted someone to understand her, and that night, he did. He was there. He gave her comfort when all Sandy did was stress her out. It was wrong but felt so good.

A simple kiss led to her full body weight pushing against his against the car. Their hands roamed each other's bodies as they both missed the familiarity of each other. It had been a few years and both of them learned new tricks. It was familiar, but yet so very different. Julie and Sandy had taught them new moves the other reveled in.

"Let's go in the car." Jimmy managed to get out. He opened the door on the passenger side on got in. Kirsten followed him in, shut the door and straddle him once the interior light went out.

Never had she done anything like that before. It was forbidden. It was wrong. It was hurtful, unfaithful and dirty. She knew all of this the minute she woke up in the back seat of Jimmy's car at 4:30 in the morning. She woke Jimmy to drive her back, pretending like nothing happened. She broke the silence right before she got out at her front door.

"Same rules apply Jimmy. Not a soul finds out."

As she made her way to the front door, he called out after her. "I told you before, you and I have something that no one else could possibly understand."

She made her way into her parents' house, trying to shake off what she did yet again. The scary thing was that the more times this happened, the more times they got away with it, the easier it was becoming to do.

She made her way to her old bedroom, shutting the door behind her. Everything was still in its place since before she left for college.

The shrill ring of the phone.

Even the private phone line she begged her parents to put in for her fifteenth birthday was still hooked up.

"Hello?" She was hoping this wasn't Jimmy.

"Hey baby."

Sandy. It was Sandy, her husband. The man she just cheated on only moments before.

"Hi. What are you doing up? Is Seth okay?" She instantly felt bad. What if something was seriously wrong with Seth and Sandy couldn't get in touch with her because she was screwing Jimmy Cooper?

"He's fine. He has been sleeping much better than I have. Where have you been? I have been trying to call you all night."

This is where the lies started. "I went down to the beach to clear my head for bit. I feel asleep before I realized the time."

"Oh, okay. You shouldn't be wandering around by yourself this time of night." He was always concerned about her.

"Sandy, it's a gated community. I was fine." She had a lot of nerve talking to him like he was an idiot.

"I know. I do miss you. I should have came with you."

_If you only knew_, she thought.

"Sandy, I miss you too, but it's late and I don't feel like fighting anymore."

"Me either. That is why I called you so late. I have been thinking about us for awhile and we can't go on like this anymore. I miss having you here with me, but I do understand your need to be there."

"You do?"

"Of course I do. I never meant for you to think otherwise. But I can see that you are miserable and I don't want it to be that way anymore. You have to be close to your mom and I have to be close to you. Seth has to be close to you too. We need to get on common ground, or at least the same ground in the same city."

"Really?"

"Really. We will talk more about it tomorrow, but I know it is my turn to sacrifice and it won't be forever, right?"

"Right. God Sandy, I don't deserve you. I don't deserve this sacrifice. I love you, please always remember that." Kirsten knew this was her guilt speaking.

"I love you too. I will call you tomorrow."

"Goodnight."

Kirsten hung up the phone thinking she couldn't have married a better man. A better man who deserved so much better than what she has given to him. At least she and Jimmy were on the same page. If the Cohen's were going to move to Newport, they could never be the friends they were.

_**Please review so I will feel like people are actually reading!**_


	5. Five on the Dime

_**Hey Everyone – Hope you guys enjoy it. With each chapter we get closer and closer to Sandy finding out. Please remember that this is a fan fic and all the details that actually happened in Season 1 do not coincide with this story. Anyway, I hope you can look past it and go with it! One or two more chapters before Sandy finds out.**_

Almost ten years went by before it happened for the fifth time. With that much time passing, Kirsten honestly thought it would have never ever happened again. But it did and it was all her fault as usual.

Sandy and Seth eventually moved the Newport which resulted in numerous negative outcomes. Sandy had to deal with Kirsten's father and a whole community full of people that would never accept him. At least he loved his job. He still had the chance to work as a public defender, just in a different county, which he could deal with. Everyone felt that Kirsten married beneath her and Sandy just took all that criticism with a grain of salt.

Seth was a different story. He hated school, He hated the people that made up the community and had real trouble fitting in. Kirsten felt terrible about this, especially since her childhood was nothing of the sort.

Kirsten wasn't completely thrilled to be living there either. Once her mother passed away, she never thought in a million years that she and Sandy would have stayed. They discussed moving back to Berkeley, but Kirsten couldn't leave her father. He set her up with a job that she was actually very good at and even enjoyed.

The one thing that was always a constant in Newport was Jimmy. Now, of course, it was Jimmy, Julie Marissa and Kaitlin. He had an entire family which he seemed happy with to everyone but Kirsten.

She really didn't understand the details of their relationship until they bought the house next door to her and got to see what his life was like on a daily basis. This was something that Sandy hated.

"I can't believe he is moving right next door to us."

"Why? The house is beautiful and it will be nice to have friends close by." Kirsten defended.

"Your friends, not mine. I never want to consider Julie Cooper a friend of mine."

"Well, maybe you and Jimmy can finally become friends." She suggested, forgetting all the deceit and guilt that once plagued her life.

Ten years from their last encounter, still Jimmy remembers it like yesterday. He watches her with her family and it kills him, knowing that could have been his life. He figures he is always going to love her in one way or another even if they cannot be more than friends.

Sandy eventually accepted Jimmy into his life as an acquaintance. He would never consider him a friend. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. He could never be friends with someone who Kirsten once had a relationship with. He hated sharing his wife with this community as a whole, let alone Jimmy Cooper.

Sandy would always be suspicious of his feelings toward his wife. How could he not be? Look who he was married to. He trusted Kirsten and that was the only thing keeping him sane.

It wasn't until Ryan was brought into their lives that Sandy really noticed the type of man Jimmy really was. First it was Seth that caught his attention. He remembers Seth telling Ryan how Marissa's dad almost married his mom. Sandy wasn't even aware that Seth knew about their past, let alone how serious it was. The shocked look on Ryan's face was mixed with pity and curiosity.

Then his wife lends the man a hundred thousand dollars without telling him. How could Kirsten do that to him? It wasn't about the money as much as it was about the lying. Why did she feel the need to lie? What else was she hiding? Jimmy tried to explain himself, but hearing it from Julie before Kirsten was inexcusable.

Sandy always knew there was something off about Jimmy and his suspicions were confirmed a short while later. The Securities and Exchange Commission visited Sandy at his office discussing the loaned money. Jimmy was in real trouble and trying to bring Kirsten and his family down with him. When Sandy told Kirsten about it, she wasn't angry. That should have set off fire alarms in Sandy's head. Kirsten defended him. She wanted to talk to him about it before word spread to the rest of the community. Sandy mentioned her personal feelings and Kirsten's response was something about him being her oldest friend.

Jimmy went to Kirsten for money to dig himself out of a hole. He trusted Kirsten and he knew that she loved him enough to help him out and he was right. She came through. She always did.

It wasn't until after cotillion that Sandy actually felt bad for the guy. He was humiliated in front of this entire judgmental community where forgiveness was set as a very low standard. Sandy even jumped into a fight to help Jimmy out. Nothing felt better when Kirsten came to his side, not Jimmy's.

Sympathy didn't last long as Jimmy admitted right to Sandy's face that being sixteen was his wish, since that was the year he met Kirsten. The audacity of this guy reaffirmed Sandy's original thoughts that he was a typical spoiled Newport brat.

Sandy continued to help Jimmy with his case, even though Jimmy got his digs in. Telling him he didn't know how to provide for a family was something that struck Sandy right in the center of his heart. Was that how Kirsten felt all this time they lived in Newport?

Sandy started looking into going into private practice and Kirsten hated it. She felt like she was losing the man that she feel in love with and didn't understand his need to leave the PD's office. Their relationship was feeling a little bit of a strain.

At the same time, Jimmy was currently moving into his bachelor pad as he called it and Kirsten was helping him set it up. She didn't think it was weird, but she knew it might have struck a nerve with Sandy. She even asked him if he thought it was okay for her to be there and he said it was fine. He understood because Jimmy was going through a rough time.

Little did Sandy know what was going to happen. He would have never said it was fine.

She and Jimmy reminisced about them painting his dorm room. They shared a lot of memories and laughs over the hours they were together. Everything seemed platonic until Jimmy asked her the question she should have lied about.

"Do you ever think about what it would be like if we…"

She thought about it all the time. How could she not? She wondered how much easier her life would have been if she ended up with who everyone expected her to end up with. Her relationship with her father would have been much better. She wondered if Jimmy would have stolen all that money. She often wondered if she would have been happy.

She should have said no. She should have said never. But it came out as fast as it popped into her head. "Sometimes."

That was all he needed to hear. As she made her way down a ladder, she slipped and fell into his arms. He couldn't help himself. He leaned in and kissed her, knowing where he wanted this to go. He missed her so much. He needed her right now more than ever.

Kirsten knew she should run like hell. This would become too complicated. They lived in the same town. He and Sandy were somewhat friends now. She knew she was playing with fire. But she was so aggravated with Sandy right now. He didn't understand her concern for his leaving the PD's office. He blamed it on her feeling one step closer to Julie Cooper if Sandy became successful.

As his lips brushed hers, she shut her eyes and reveled in the affection. She loved that no matter how old she got, Jimmy would still see her as the same girl he kissed for the first time in his parents' old house with the great beams.

Their kisses became more deep and filled with urgency and passion, Jimmy guided her to his new couch. He couldn't stop even though his mind was telling him not to do this to her. She was happily married and they had both been so good. Ten years of staying away, but time took its toll and there was no way he could have stopped. It had been too long.

Age was apparent as the two of them were not quite as comfortable on the couch as they used to be. Jimmy scooped her up and led his way to his bedroom. Their lips barely parted.

Kirsten felt herself being carried up the stairs wanting to stop this, but she couldn't. She was passed that point. She should have stopped him once she felt his lips touch hers. Clothes were removed and in an instant, she once again cheated on her husband.

As she lay naked under the covers for two minutes, she sighed loudly getting Jimmy's attention.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"What do you think?" She replied sarcastically.

"I'm sorry. I just can't help myself when it comes to you."

"I don't know what it is, but I have this amazing ability to just forget about Sandy the instant we become physical. Do you know how bad that is?"

"It's not bad, Kirsten."

"It is bad. We said we weren't going to do this again and ten years later, here we are. It's like you bring me back to when we were teenagers and it feels good. I'm sure Sandy will find that excuse endearing." Kirsten thought for a split second of telling Sandy about it and how feeling like a teenager in Jimmy's arms was what made her do it.

Jimmy started to get nervous. "You're thinking of telling him?"

"I always contemplate telling him, but I cannot imagine hurting him that badly. This would kill him."

"Yeah, and we are just starting to become friends."

"I love the way you turn this around to be about you." She sat up, holding the covers over her naked body. "I need to go home."

"I'll drive you back." He offered.

"You're going to have to. You picked me up remember."

She got up and started to get dressed under Jimmy's watchful eyes. "Your body looks exactly the same as it did when we were sixteen."

Kirsten blushed. "Don't make this worse Jimmy. Get dressed." As Jimmy got up and started throwing on his clothes from the pile on the floor, they both hear a noise from downstairs.

First it was the key in the door and then the trail of voices. Kirsten wanted to die as soon as she recognized one of the voices to be Ryan's.

_Oh God_, she thought. There was no way out of this. She was stuck upstairs. How could she explain being in Jimmy's bedroom.

Jimmy noticed the panic in Kirsten's eyes when he put the pieces together of what was going on. "It's okay. Your car's not here. It'll be okay."

Kirsten scurried to put herself back together and Jimmy opened the door when he heard Marissa call up to him. "Dad?"

"Hey kiddo. I'll be right down." Jimmy turned to Kirsten and whispered. "Stay here. I'll be right back."

As he made his way down the stairs he saw Ryan and Marissa looking around the new apartment. They eyed him suspiciously because his hair was messed and his clothes looked disheveled.

Marissa was telling him that she and Ryan ere going down to the pier. "Do you want us to bring you anything back for dinner?" She asked.

"No. No, I'm okay." Jimmy was grateful that this potentially dangerous situation was going to be over soon.

Not soon enough.

Marissa made her way over to the table and picked up Kirsten's pocketbook. "This is not really your style, huh Dad?" Marissa was smiling, not even realizing the bomb that could have been dropped at that moment.

"Ummm…" Jimmy started to stutter as he looked back and forth from Ryan to Marissa.

Ryan knew exactly what was going on. He just didn't know who the owner of the bag was. "Marissa, why don't we go?" He tried to get Marissa out of there, but she caught on as well.

"Oh my God! Dad, I'm sorry. I didn't realize…" She trailed off, not wanting her mind to race any further.

Jimmy smiled sheepishly. "It's okay. I will see you later, right?"

"Right. Later." Ryan ushered her out and Jimmy let out a huge sigh of relief.

Kirsten came down the steps when she knew the coast was clear. "That was way too close."

"I know. Come on, I will drive you home."

Later that evening, Kirsten, once again thought of telling Sandy the truth. She knew she would feel better about it. She could handle his anger. She could handle to tough time it was going to be to get through it. The one thing she couldn't even fathom would be if he left her. She needed him like she needed air. There was no guarantee that the truth would not lead to this scenario and that was a chance she was not willing to take.

Ryan came home later that night and saw Kirsten sitting at the kitchen island doing some work. It was past his curfew and Kirsten looked up at him skeptically. He knew what she was thinking.

"Before you say anything…" He pulled out his cell phone and showed her that it was dead. "I forgot to charge it and the battery died. I don't know where my charger is."

Kirsten got up and grabbed her bag, fishing through it. Ryan recognized the bag immediately. It was the same bag Marissa held earlier at Jimmy's house. A million thoughts raced through his mind.

She pulled her own charger out. "Please don't let that happen again. We worry easily." She smiled to ease the look on Ryan's face. Did he think he was in that much trouble? He was completely pale.

Then it hit her.

The bag.

Jimmy's.

Kirsten had to think fast, but it was Ryan who spoke first. "Were you at Jimmy's today?"

_Stay calm_, she told herself. "Yeah. I was helping him set up his apartment. He was just here actually." She lied, but thought it was the way to go.

"He was?" Ryan was really confused now.

"Yeah. I left my bag there and he just dropped it off. He said you were there today?" She figured she would have to turn the conversation.

"Uh-huh." Ryan seemed to buy it. All those years of lying to Caleb Nichol have finally paid off. He made his way out to the pool house before he called back to her. "Good night."

--

_**Please give a few seconds of your time and review. It helps me start the next chapter.**_


	6. Six Now in the Mix

_**This update seems sort of short, but there is a reason for it. I am getting so tired of writing all this Jimmy/Kirsten stuff. I really want to get into the whole Sandy/Kirsten angst chapters which will be in two chapters from now. I have to get Jimmy out of the picture first. I appreciate all your patience and especially to those of you who reviewed.**_

**_Viper 209 – If you are still reading, I agree with you. Kirsten is acting like a slut. Yes, I have read "Turned Tables" and I think the reason you like that adulterous Kirsten better is because it only happened once and she felt really terrible about it. In this story, she feels bad about it, but the fact that she keeps getting away with it, makes it easier and easier to deal with each time. Does that make sense?_**

The sixth time it happened was not too long after Ryan almost caught them. Kirsten wasn't even sure if Ryan bought her story about just leaving her bag over at Jimmy's. He hadn't said anything since that conversation. He didn't seem to say anything to Sandy either, which made her believe that he believed her.

She decided to mention to Sandy about leaving her bag there just to cover all her basis. She didn't want Sandy to get suspicious, plus right now she was the one that was suspicious of him and his co-worker Rachel. She didn't know what it was about that girl, but she had a real uneasy feeling about her.

Like she had the right! She knew it was her own infidelity that led her to believe there might be something going on with those two. They were spending so much time together.

Sandy was so open and honest. As soon as he feared her suspicions, he addressed the situation to put her mind at ease. He asked her what she wanted him to do, knowing whatever she asked he would comply. She basically told him that she trusted him and that was when his question was fired at her with full force.

"Because you spent the entire weekend painting Jimmy's apartment and I knew there was nothing going on, right?"

What was she supposed to say? It was her time to come clean. It was the only time he had ever asked her about her and Jimmy. It was the first time that she would have to lie to him right to his face.

"No. Of course not!" She responded a little too strongly.

Kirsten knew from that point on, she could never tell him. She lied to him. She had been lying to him for years, but this sealed the deal. She had never lied to him like that and wished this whole mess would magically be erased from her record.

Months passed and Sandy and Jimmy actually became friends. Good friends for that matter, and it scared Kirsten. What if they got drunk one night and Jimmy says something stupid? What if Sandy picks up on something? He was very intuitive. But in the end, it was for the best. Jimmy was moving on with his life, Sandy was going into business with him and he seemed really happy about it and Kirsten felt for the first time like she and Jimmy were finally going to be real, honest, platonic friends.

Then the biggest bombshell of all was dropped on Kirsten's shoulders. Jimmy and Hailey had been secretly dating. It made her sick to her stomach. How could he do this? How could he want to be with her? They were sisters. Didn't that bother him at all? She and Hailey were complete opposites. It couldn't be serious, could it?

Sandy was so pre-occupied with opening the restaurant, he didn't realize how upset Kirsten really was over this. She couldn't talk to Hailey about this. She had every right to date Jimmy. Hailey knew that Kirsten had slept with him, but in her mind, that was over 20 years ago. What did she know? But didn't it bother Jimmy?

Jimmy!

She would just have to talk to Jimmy about it.

It was the day of Julie's shower. As if it wasn't bad enough that Julie was marrying her father, she had to watch Jimmy and Hailey flirt all over each other. Kirsten tried not to look, but she couldn't help it, simply because she couldn't believe it.

She went in to pay the bill for the shower, wondering where Sandy was. She wanted to leave as soon as she was done, but knew he was off dealing with Ryan and the drama that usually followed him around.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jimmy came behind Kirsten, noticing how upset she had been.

"There's nothing to talk about." She didn't pick her head up. She didn't want Jimmy to see how hurt she was.

"Good because for the first time in a long time, I'm actually happy." He wanted to explain to her that he was not with Hailey to piss her off. He really was falling for her.

"Good." She wanted this conversation over.

"Is it jealousy?"

Kirsten didn't know what to say. It was a mixture of a million different emotions. It was jealousy, it was disgust, it was most of all anger.

"It's not that. It's just…" She tried to say the words that wouldn't hurt him too much. "You're finally doing well and I would hate to see you…"

"Happy?" He asked.

She gave him a look. "I can't understand how you can sleep with my sister. Isn't it weird for you? Because I have to tell you, it is very weird for me."

"Kirsten, becoming Sandy's friend made me realize that I cannot vie for you against him anymore. All these years, I think I held on to some false hope that one day Sandy was going to find out and you and I would somehow end up together."

"You thought that?"

"Kirsten, I love you. I will always love you."

"I know. I will always love you too." She responded.

"But I'm a realist, Kirsten. I know that you would never intentionally leave Sandy to be with me."

She started to walk away and she spoke softly. She wanted him to follow her without asking and like a trained puppy, he obliged. "You're right." She walked into the coat closet which was enormous, pretending to look for her coat. Jimmy was inside before she reached passed him to close he door. She looked in the foyer to make sure nobody saw what was going on. "But I don't want to play second fiddle to her when it comes to you." She moved her body closer to Jimmy's knowing exactly what she was doing. She wanted to make sure she still had him. She wanted to make sure he still wanted her, that he couldn't resist her. "I have been competing with Hailey for my father's affection my whole life. Please don't make it be that way with you."

Before he had a chance to respond, she kissed him hard and urgently, not knowing how far this could possibly go. Sandy had to be around somewhere and Hailey was definitely right outside. It didn't take longer than 2 seconds for Jimmy to kiss her back. She heard him lock the door to the closet, making sure they weren't interrupted. Kirsten thought to herself that she definitely had him.

_Thank God_, she thought.

She hated herself for thinking that way. She hated that Sandy wasn't enough for her to get her through this whole Hailey crisis.

Sandy.

Kirsten pushed thoughts of him aside and she reached for Jimmy's penis making sure he was aroused. She smiled to herself , appreciating the rock hard swelling.

Mission accomplished!

Thoughts of Sandy swirled through her head once again.

She reached over and unlocked the door. At the sound of the click, Jimmy pulled away from her with a look of bewilderment on his face.

"I'm glad to know where I still stand." She said smiling. She smoothed out her skirt and ran a hand through her hair, making herself look presentable. She looked down at the swell in his pants, before saying, "I would try and calm down before I went back to the party." She smiled devilishly.

Before she was able to walk out, Jimmy tugged at her hand and pulled her body close to his. "You were always a tease." He kissed her hard one last time pushing his tongue into her mouth. When he pulled away, he smiled at her, disclosing that he wasn't mad.

He could never be mad at her.

She turned the handle to the door and walked out of the closet, knowing Jimmy was smart enough not to immediately follow. She started to head outside to the patio, but couldn't help but look back at the closet. When she turned around she saw Ryan sitting in the lobby with his head down.

Panic started to set in as her mind raced. How long has he been sitting there? Did he overhear their conversation at the bar? Did she see them go into the closet together? Did she even know Jimmy was in the closet at all?

Just then Seth came along and saved the day. He managed to pull Ryan away from the couch in the foyer and lead him back outside. Jimmy still had not emerged.

But as Ryan made his way out to the patio, he lifted his head and stared right into Kirsten' eyes with a blank look on his face.

--

--

_**Pretty Please! Tell me how much you hate it. Tell me how much you need for this story to move forward to the good stuff. Tell me something! Review!**_


	7. Seven is not Heaven

**_Hey Everyone – This is the final chapter in the set up stage of this story. From here on out, there will be no more Jimmy. It will be a full blown Kandy story. I appreciate everyone who is sticking with it! Enjoy!_**

The seventh time it happened they both knew it would be the last time. It had to be because Jimmy was leaving. They thought that was the reason. Never in a million years did they think it would be the end because of any other thing in the world, especially the critical devastation that was about the rock their world.

Ryan, once again, never mentioned anything to Kirsten about what he might have seen. It was months later that Jimmy somehow got himself tangled back into Julie's web. When Jimmy made the confession to Kirsten and Sandy about it, Kirsten already had a clue. She had been late to meetings, making up silly excuses, and she thought she saw them kissing on Chrismukah.

Kirsten didn't even care. She was more upset that Julie was betraying her father than Jimmy sleeping with Julie. She always knew she would win over Julie. Jimmy would always pick her. It wasn't that complicated of a choice for Jimmy. It never was. When Kirsten found out about Hailey, that was a different story. Kirsten felt threatened, but Hailey ended that relationship months before, sending Jimmy right back into Julie's arms.

But now he was leaving. Things got too complicated. Marissa was extremely upset about the reunion and Jimmy didn't want to hurt her anymore than he already did. Never before Marissa's truthful words did he think he was a terrible father. Getting out of Newport was best for everyone.

So when Jimmy made the announcement that he was leaving, Kirsten did the only thing she knew and threw him a going away party. Julie was unaware that he was leaving, only to find out when she showed up. Marissa showed up wasted and said hurtful things to both Jimmy and Julie. From Kirsten's eyes, things could not get any worse.

"You said you wanted a typical OC party." Kirsten commented when she and Jimmy were alone in the barroom of her house.

Yeah, well that was not what I expected. I am so worried about Marissa." Jimmy stated sadly.

"She's a teenager Jimmy. She'll be okay."

"I need you to do me favor." Jimmy posed it like a question.

At that moment Ryan walked in the den that adjoined the barroom. He saw that familiar scene that plagued his mind for months now. He didn't want to look. He should have turned around, but he couldn't. He was close enough to hear the words spoken.

"I need you to go over to the house and check on her, make sure she is alright." Jimmy continued.

"Jimmy…" Kirsten understood his need, but didn't want to get involved. "I can't. My father lives in that house."

"I know." Jimmy understood her hesitation. She didn't want to be anywhere near her father since the whole Lindsay debacle. "But I'm asking as a favor."

Kirsten stood there knowing she couldn't let him down. Tears welled up in her eyes, thinking this would be the last thing he ever asked of her. "For my oldest friend, anything." She smiled, letting him know she would never deny him such a request.

Ryan stood still. He didn't want to make a noise. He didn't want anyone to know he was listening. He was just glad there was nothing more to it. Maybe he was imagining too much. Maybe he let his mind wander into the gutter where it didn't belong. Maybe he made assumptions that were unwarranted.

Kirsten leaned in for a hug as Jimmy swallowed her small frame in his arms. They stood like that for awhile just relishing in that warm embrace for the last time. Ryan was frozen. He always seen Kirsten and Sandy embrace, but usually arms were moving and heated passion was being emitted. This time all he saw was love. They were truly going to miss one another.

As Kirsten pulled away, she was the first one to break the silence. "I can't believe you're leaving. I mean if we had gotten married, I would be moving to Hawaii." She laughed softly as she entertained such a thought.

"No." Jimmy simply stated. "If I had married you, I would have never left." He said it like he thought about it a million times.

Ryan was now paralyzed. Maybe he wasn't so wrong. He couldn't help but wonder if Sandy knew Kirsten thought about her past with Jimmy often.

At that moment Jimmy looked through the doorway, past the kitchen and spotted Sandy on the other side of the backyard. He didn't look in the den where Ryan was and started digging the hole that they would have to pull themselves out of one day.

Kirsten knew when he turned his head, he was on the lookout to protect his next move. "I'll always love you Kirsten." He leaned in and kissed her square on the mouth. It was a long, passionate kiss - a kiss that couldn't be mistaken as a friendly gesture. Ryan's eyes were glued. He knew he should have walked away. He wanted to get out of there, but was hoping for a miracle. Kirsten getting angry, slapping Jimmy across the face and running across the backyard to tell Sandy what had just happened. He knew that wasn't going to happen. Kirsten didn't get mad, she didn't resist and she didn't run away. She kissed him back.

Jimmy pulled away, but kept himself within close proximity of her body. Kirsten looked though the kitchen and across the backyard to make sure Sandy was still a safe distance away.

Jimmy tugged at her hand, pulling her toward the den where Ryan was. "Come with me one last time. Don't you need to get something out of the wine cellar?" He knew that would be the perfect spot for their last tryst.

Ryan's head whipped around to the cellar door. It was on the other side of the very room he was standing in. How was he to escape?

"One last time? I think you have to stop using that line." She laughed lightly.

"What do you mean?" He asked innocently.

"You said that exact same thing to me at my engagement party. You said it again before Sandy and I moved here. It's always going to be for the last time, isn't it?" She asked.

Ryan was sick. He couldn't believe how long this affair had been going on. Throughout her entire marriage, she was lying to Sandy and to herself. He never thought she was that type of woman. _She was bred a Newpsie though_, he thought.

"Well if the line worked then, it should work now, right?" Jimmy sounded so hopeful.

Kirsten thought about it. It would be too easy. Sandy was off tending to guests. No one ever went down to the wine cellar. No one was in the house right now to see them make an escape.

Too easy.

For the first time ever, Kirsten was not interested. The idea did not appeal to her anymore because it was too easy. There was no danger involved in it anymore. It took all the fun and glory out of it. She wasn't in love with Jimmy. She didn't need Jimmy like she did Sandy. There was no passion with Jimmy once danger was taken out of the mixture. There was always an underlying reason why she slept with him.

The first time it was because curiosity got the best of her. It had been too long and she and Sandy weren't that serious. It was almost excusable.

The second time she did it just to make sure that she won the battle over Julie in Jimmy's eyes.

The third time she did it out of sympathy for the mistake he made in getting Julie pregnant and marrying her.

The fourth time she did it out of anger toward Sandy and too much alcohol.

The fifth time she did it again out of curiosity. Ten years passed and still she recalled familiarity.

The sixth time was out of pity for herself. Although they didn't have sex, the kissing and the groping still constituted as cheating in her eyes. She just had to make sure she won his affections over Hailey.

And here she was being presented with the seventh and final time. But there was no reason behind it. There was no excuse she could think of to make this sort of behavior excusable in her eyes. She thought about it as a goodbye, but there was no reason that they couldn't say goodbye as friends.

True, honest, platonic friends.

"Jimmy I can't." The words felt so good coming out of her mouth. She didn't know why it took over twenty years for her to say no to him. "I'm sorry, but you are leaving and I can't pretend like this is okay anymore. I don't want to lie to Sandy anymore. I'm sorry."

Jimmy understood. Ryan was relieved. Kirsten was grateful.

"This doesn't mean I am going to miss you any less, you know?" Jimmy stated.

"I know. Me too." She wanted to reaffirm there were no hard feelings.

"Goodbye Kirsten." He kissed her softly for the last time.

She pulled away. "Goodbye Jimmy."

Ryan stood still waiting to hear them walk out through the kitchen. He saw Jimmy's back fade into the crowd of people in the backyard.

No sign of Kirsten.

Where was she?

Then his insides dropped when he heard her high heels clicking on the marble floor in his direction.

He had to get out there. He had to make a quick exit before she caught him. He quickly turned around as the sound was approaching closer and closer. His eyes made contact of the exiting door just about 25 feet away, not with the table two feet in front of him. He slammed both his upper thighs into a wall resting table, its legs screeching across the tile.

Kirsten heard the noise and continued at a faster pace to see what it was. She then heard glass crashing.

Ryan tried to catch the vase from falling, but his exit was more important. He didn't turn back when he heard the crash.

_Pool house! Pool house! Pool house!_ That was the one thing on his mind.

As Kirsten turned the corner, the first thing she noticed was the smashed vase on the floor and that the table was not in its correct position.

As she picked her head up, the image of Ryan's back was racing out toward the backyard toward the pool house. Her greatest fear and her biggest nightmare started at that moment.

_**Please review for the Kandy!**_


	8. Confirmation

_**Hey Everyone – I sincerely apologize for not updating in over a month, but I did have a very good excuse. I had a baby at the end of January and she has been keeping me extremely busy. Becoming a first time mom is something that leaves very little time for writing. I o hope you are all still reading this because the fireworks are light up in the next few chapters.**_

Kirsten waited for Ryan to say something to her. Perhaps not that very night, but maybe in the morning, or the day after that.

Nothing.

Kirsten waited for Sandy to question her. Perhaps Ryan would say something to Sandy and then the world as Kirsten Cohen knew it would be over.

Still Nothing.

She was making herself crazy trying to read signs that didn't exist. She was seeing things that weren't there. It was as if she was just waiting for the ball to drop and the bomb to explode.

More of Nothing.

As time went on, Kirsten began to feel a little more at ease. Maybe Ryan didn't see anything. Maybe he didn't hear anything either. She knew this was wishful thinking, but as time marched forward, it was an easy theory to pick up and believe in.

Ryan was quiet around her, but not more than usual. He was a quiet kid and he probably was too scared to approach her about it anyway. As many times that Kirsten and Sandy told him that their home was his home now too, he constantly watched his actions not to jeopardize his new life.

The more Kirsten thought about it, she was in the clear.

Sandy was acting the exact same as he always did. If he suspected anything at all, he would have confronted her. Sandy was the type of man that faced problems head on. He would not let things lie. He still was affectionate as ever. He was the romantic man day in and day out that she fell in love with twenty-two years ago. He was still "all man" as he put it.

She loved him more than anything and knew her behavior could never be justified. Sandy was the man of her dreams and losing him would never be an option. Thoughts of a life without Sandy scared the crap out of her and she needed to make sure that would never happen. She made more of an effort to let Sandy know that she loved him, adored him, needed him. She made sure he was constantly satisfied sexually. Their sex life was always their strong suit so it was a win-win for her.

Jimmy's departure only strengthened her marriage and as weeks passed, she couldn't help but realize her stupidity. She couldn't believe she would put her marriage and family at risk for someone who she didn't even miss.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

The weeks following Kirsten was thrilled her and Sandy would be celebrating their twentieth anniversary. She thought about all the great things Sandy would have planned, how romantic their evening would be, and how mind-blowing the sex they would have.

As the morning approached, she was hoping she and Sandy could have celebrated behind closed doors. She was slightly disappointed when that didn't happen. As she made her way to get out of bed, she waited for Sandy to stop her and greet her like he did every other anniversary morning. When he didn't, she got up and started to get ready for work.

About a half hour later, she figured she would be the bigger person and start the celebration herself.

"Good morning." She whispered seductively, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around his midsection, breathing in his scent.

Sandy was obviously surprised by her gesture and didn't hide it well. Besides, Kirsten was not a morning affectionate or morning sex type of person. She was always more wild at night.

"Top of the morning to you too." He replied sarcastically.

"Happy Anniversary." She said as she guided him to turn around and face her.

Sandy quickly recovered, wiping the look of shock of his face and responding. "Happy Anniversary to you too." He needed to say more. He knew he was always the one to greet her first with anniversary wishes.

She beat him to the punch. "I love you."

He pulled her into a hug. "I love you more today than I did nineteen years ago."

How could he forget, she thought. "You love me more today than you did the year after we got married?" She asked. She was pissed.

Sandy slowly closed his eyes.

Caught.

Trapped.

He pulled back to look into her eyes. He wanted to gauge how much trouble he was really in. "No. You know that first year really doesn't count." He knew he was grasping for anything that would save him from this.

She stared straight into his eyes. "How could you forget?"

"I didn't. If I did, you wouldn't be getting a really good surprise tonight."

"Sandy, don't bullshit me."

She started to make her way down the stairs. She couldn't help but be mad. What kind of man forgets his twentieth anniversary? Certainly not one married to Kirsten Nichol Cohen! By the time she approached the kitchen, her anger reached a whole new level.

Sandy was right on her heels. "Kirsten, hold on a sec. Let's discuss this."

Neither noticed Ryan sitting at the kitchen table.

"Don't Sandy. Don't even try to play this into something it's not. You screwed up. Admit it."

Sandy didn't know what to do. If he gave into her requests and told the truth, he knew there would be no celebrating. He also knew if he lied and tried to play it off and she figured it out, he would be in a lot more trouble.

He figured honesty was the best policy.

"I'm sorry. It slipped my mind. Being involved with your father's case, plus opening my new practice, I did forget. I mean, I know the date. I would never forget that January 18th, 1986 was the best day of my life. But I forgot that today was January 18th. That's all."

"Kirsten couldn't even look at him. "That's not all Sandy. What kind of man are you? You know how I feel about our anniversary. You know that and Valentine's Day are the only two days out of the year that we celebrate us. I guess it doesn't mean as much to you as it does me."

"Kirsten, that's not true."

She just ignored him. She then realized Ryan witnessed their whole exchange. "Ryan, you are going to be late to school. Do you need a ride?"

Ryan couldn't believe how nasty Kirsten just was to Sandy. He couldn't believe after all Sandy does and puts up with, that she could be angry with him. But more importantly, after the twenty-one year affair with Jimmy, she had absolutely no right to be anything but forgiving.

"No. Lindsay is picking me up." Ryan's answer was short, but the look he gave her spoke lengths.

Kirsten noticed the dirty, but yet all-knowing look Ryan shot her way. He recovered quickly, not wanting Sandy to notice.

As Kirsten briskly walked out of the room, Sandy turned to Ryan and spoke softly, frustration evident in his voice. "I know I told you this already, but don't ever get married." With that, Sandy walked out and left for work.

Kirsten returned to the kitchen a few minutes later with jewelry and make-up in place. Ryan looked up at her and looked away. Kirsten had an idea that he wanted to say something, but didn't know what road this conversation was going to take.

"Is something wrong?" She asked.

"No." He said it rather unconvincingly.

"Ryan?" She asked, wanting him to open up and elaborate.

"What?"

"Come on, talk to me."

"Believe me Kirsten, you don't want to hear what I want to say."

That was the moment that Kirsten knew Ryan did see everything she thought he saw. She tried to maintain composure, but she was relieved Sandy had already left for work. "Ryan, you know that in this family we like to be open and honest with each other. If something is bothering you, you should tell one of us so we can work through it ." She was hoping he needed to work through girl trouble and fighting with someone at school. She was hoping it wasn't that he was afraid he was in another family that was bound to fall apart.

"Open and honest? You have got to be kidding me." He started to get up and walk away from her.

Kirsten was not going to put up with his attitude. She understood he was a teenager, but she was still the parent and deserved a little bit of respect.

"Ryan, if you have something to say, then just say it."

Ryan wanted to tell her that he knew about her affair. He knew she had been lying to everyone, including herself. He knew that since Jimmy left, she has been trying to make it all up to Sandy. He knew it was only a matter of time before Sandy found out on his own and Ryan would need to either live in a broken home once again or leave and live back in Chino. These two options didn't appeal to him.

"You should be ashamed of yourself."

Confirmation. He did know.

"Ryan, let's talk about this."

"I don't want to talk about it. I have been keeping this information to myself for over a year now. Did you really think you and Jimmy were never going to get caught?"

"You've known for over a year?"

"I didn't really know until a few weeks ago when I saw you two with my own eyes. I had my suspicions when I figured out you were at Jimmy's apartment when I showed up there with Marissa and when I saw you two together at Julie and Caleb's shower. You two really need to work on concealing things better."

"Ryan, I can explain all of it."

"I don't want an explanation. I want you to fix this. I want you to tell Sandy before he hears it from someone else. If he hears it from you, you guys can possibly salvage what you have. If he hears it from someone else, he will never forgive you."

"It's not that simple." She simply stated. She knew Sandy. She knew if she told him, he would still have a tough time forgiving her. Trust was a major element in all of Sandy's relationships.

Another thought popped into her mind. "Does Seth know?"

Ryan chuckled. "Please…"

"I had to ask."

"If Seth knew, you would have had this conversation a long time ago."

"I'm sorry Ryan, but I really don't know how telling Sandy is going to make this all better. He is better off not knowing."

"He's better off? No, you're better off not telling him. He values honesty. Think about it Kirsten, how many Newpsies do you think know? I bet a bunch of them. It will only be a matter of time."

"I don't love Jimmy. We never had what Sandy and I have. It wasn't serious."

"Kirsten, stop making excuses. Twenty-one years is serious to me."

"It wasn't like that. It wasn't like we were sneaking around every week for all those years."

"If it happened once, which we both know it did, it is still sneaking around."

Kirsten knew she was backed into a corner. She knew telling Sandy was the right thing to do, but she never thought in a million years she would be telling him because of a request from Ryan.

Ryan knew he had her thinking about it. "Kirsten, I don't want a family I love to fall apart because you were too much of a coward to face the truth. If Sandy finds out on his own…"

"What if he never finds out?" She yelled back. "He can be spared all of this."

"He will find out. Marissa has an idea , Julie always had her suspicions and Sandy is very perceptive."

Kirsten was more scared than ever. How was she going to do this? "I can't…."

"You will. I can't sit here and watch you get mad at Sandy for forgetting an anniversary that celebrates a marriage you have no respect for."

"What are you saying?"

"Don't make Sandy hear it from someone else."

Then it dawned on her that Ryan would be the leak. "You wouldn't…."

"Just tell him so we can put it all behind us."

Kirsten didn't even go into the office. She was so shocked and rattled by her conversation earlier, she couldn't concentrate. Ryan went off to school, not looking back at a heartbroken Kirsten. What was she going to do? Reflecting on her options, she didn't have a clue. She was hoping Ryan came straight home from school to talk before Sandy got home.

Her cell phone rang and as she read the digital display, she sighed. It was Sandy. Her Sandy that would no longer be. "Hey baby." She heard him say.

"Hey." She replied quietly, thinking about how she was going to destroy his life.

"I called you at the office and they said you didn't come in. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah. I'm just not feeling well."

"Well I hope you feel better by tonight. I set it up with your dad to have tomorrow off. I booked us a room at the Montage so we can get away for a night. I'm so so sorry I forgot our anniversary, so please let me make it up to you."

Kirsten smiled because she knew he must have been thinking of her all day. Her smile faded when she thought about how she really had no right to get mad at him in the first place.

"Ok. That sounds great. I will pack our stuff and be ready to leave tonight."

"Great." Sandy had such a strong sense of enthusiasm when things went his way. "I love you Kirsten and again, I'm sorry."

She couldn't even respond. Was he apologizing to make her feel worse? She would be the one apologizing to him for the rest of her life.

She packed their bags and made sure to bring sexy lingerie. This might be the last time they make love.

She knew Ryan was right. She knew she had to tell him. Even after all these years, she couldn't let Ryan live the lie too. She had to fix this. She just didn't appreciate being threatened by a seventeen-year old.

Ryan arrived home first which was what Kirsten was hoping for. "Kirsten?" He called out. "Kirsten?" He called again almost sounding desperate.

Kirsten ran from her room to greet him, making sure he was okay. 'What's the matter?"

"Don't tell him."

"What?"

"Don't tell him. I have been thinking about it all day and I don't want Sandy to hate you. I don't want him to hate me for not speaking up sooner. I just want things to stay the same. I can live with the lies. I won't say a word."

Kirsten felt terrible and knew she had to be the adult here. "Ryan listen to me. First of all, Sandy would never hate you for anything. Ok? He is a good man and will know where to place the blame. I have decided to tell him, but not because you asked, but because it really is the right thing to do. You were right. This is the only way to do what Sandy respects and deserves and that is to be honest."

"Kirsten…" He wanted her to change her mind.

"It's okay Ryan. I can't live like this, let alone put you through it too. It's not fair to you, me or Sandy."

Ryan put his head down, afraid to hear when the dropping of the bombshell will take place.

"Sandy and I are going away tonight and will be back tomorrow. I rather not tell him here."

She lifted his chin with her finger. "It's going to be alright. I promise we will get through this eventually. You and Seth will be protected. If there is one thing I know about Sandy, it is that he loves you two more than anything."

With that, Kirsten turned around and walked toward her bedroom. As she grabbed her bags and waited for Sandy, she thought about how she was about to start the evening that will change her life forever.

--

--

_**Please review if you have a few extra seconds.**_


	9. Disclosure

**_Hey again – I do hope people are still reading and enjoying this story. The next couple of chapters will be filled with plenty of angsty dialogue and teary storylines. Keep reviewing so I can re-create the magic that once was_**.

Kirsten paced the marble tiles in the foyer of her home. The home that she built her life with Sandy in. The life he hated at first and grew to love. The life she always loved because Sandy was the only constant in it.

She spent the last fifteen minutes figuring out how she was going to tell him. She was usually a quick thinker. She usually came up with a solution within a matter of seconds when it came to the Newport Group. She usually was able to dispense advice at the tip of a hat.

Not this time.

She was trying to figure out how she was going to be brutally honest, but yet at the same time, try to spare Sandy's feelings. She had no idea how he was going to take this. She knew he was going to be pissed. He was going to feel betrayed. He was probably going to leave her. She couldn't handle the latter.

She needed to make sure he truly understands that through all the mistakes and all the infidelity, she loves him. She knew that point was going to be the most difficult to get across.

How was he going to forgive her? She kept thinking about how, after he looks at her with disgust instead of admiration, they will move on from there. Would he want to move on? She knew if the roles were reversed she would have a very tough time forgiving him. So, what could she really expect from him?

Not much! She had to prepare herself that the next time she walked into this very foyer, her loving husband would hate her.

The sound of the horn awoke her out of her deep thoughts.

Showtime!

Sandy came to the door and met her in the foyer. He grabbed their bags and loaded them into the trunk as she grabbed her coat and purse. Sandy came back for her like he always did. She was going to take notice of all those little affections that she took for granted all these years. She knew this was the end of them.

He helped her with her coat. How many times has he performed this gentleman act? Hundreds of thousands of times! Would he ever do this again? He put his hand on the small of her back to guide her toward the door. Another action she was going to miss since he would not even want to touch her after this weekend was over. She suddenly stopped in her tracks, wanting to relish in these small moments.

She turned to face him and leaned in for a kiss. As their lips touched, she trembled, feeling the need to deepen the kiss. She slowly opened her mouth willing him to deepen the kiss, which he always did.

Sandy pulled back just enough to speak. "Wow. I take it your not still mad at me?" He smiled, hopeful she was going to forget that he forgot an important day in their marriage.

"I always forgive you." She replied, hoping he would remember those words and he too will one day say them back.

She didn't know one married woman whose husband still did that for them. Another thing she would miss.

The car ride was rather silent and Sandy started to worry. She was too quiet. Maybe she really hadn't forgiven him.

"Is something wrong?" He was always the first one to break the silence.

She was concentrating on what was to come until she heard Sandy express his concern once again. "No. Why?" She knew she sounded guilty.

"You are so quiet. I don't want you to be mad at me. I promise I am going to make it up to you this weekend."

She knew everything they did would possibly be for the last time so right then and there she decided to take charge of what her evening would be like. She decided to have tonight as the closure she is dreading. Tomorrow, the fireworks could be set off. She needed him one last night to herself.

"Maybe.." She paused, thinking of her next move. "…you can make it up to me right now." She unbuckled her seatbelt and leaned over to kiss his neck. He audibly moaned. She knew all his weak spots.

Sandy stared straight ahead at the road, not fully understanding what has gotten into his wife. He tried to formulate a coherent sentence. "Is this one of those times where you are joking and I am taking you seriously?" She moved her left hand from his knew and slowly slid it up his thigh. "Then once you tell me you are joking, I feel like an utter fool?"

She moved her head out of the crook of his neck and trailed her lips up to his earlobe. Her hand made its way up to where she fully grabbed his manhood. "I'm not joking. Pull the car over Sandy."

Sandy was never so thrilled to be driving along the beach on a deserted road. He couldn't believe Kirsten was willing to do this. She used to be this adventurous all the time when it came to their sex life. After Seth was born, they had to be much more careful and Kirsten became much more reserved. Not that they didn't have a healthy sex life, but Kirsten was no the type of woman who liked to get banged in the back seat of a car.

Sandy pulled over at a scenic overlook and turned off the engine. He kept his hands on the steering wheel, afraid to make a wrong move that would end this fantasy. Kirsten made sure no one was around before she straddled his waist with her legs in the driver's seat. She noticed his look of shock and awe.

"Are you not into this? It looks like you are unsure."

"The only thing I'm not sure of is what brought on this behavior, but I am too afraid to ask." He smiled growing excited of what was to come. He placed his right hand behind her head and pulled her towards him. He didn't even have to convince her to go into the back seat. She stayed right where she was and let Sandy enjoy the ride.

Kirsten mentally noted this would be the last time she got to surprise him sexually.

When they got to the Montage, they had their bags brought to their room and they sat for dinner. The Last Supper, Kirsten thought.

When they finally did make it to their room, Sandy suggested a shower together. How could Kirsten refuse? It would probably be the last time she would make love to him under cascading water.

The real surprise came later that night. Kirsten lay awake in Sandy's arms for hours relishing how good he felt. In less than twenty-four hours this will be nothing, but a faint memory. She thought about all the things Sandy loved. Surprise Sex – check! Shower Sex – check! She needed do make sure this night was embedded in his memory.

She slowly caressed his arm that was draped over her. She rolled over to face him and slowly kissed his lips. When she felt him respond a little bit, she knew she had him. They made love as the sun rose. She knew this would probably be the last time he loved her like that.

Kirsten couldn't help but stare at him as he slowly stroked her blonde hair. She thought about how in a few hours she was going to break his heart, and the thought of hurting him killed her. Tears started to form in her eyes and they started to fall down her porcelain cheek.

Sandy felt a wet drop on his arm. He looked down and saw Kirsten quietly crying. "Baby? What's the matter?" His look of concern now made her sick. He looked as though he had tears in his own eyes as he watched her.

"Nothing." She thought about what to say to reassure him. "I love you. I love you so much that sometimes it hurts. I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's true."

He smiled and leaned in to softly kiss her lips. He was always reassuring.

She needed to continue for her own sake now. "Sandy, I never thought that I could love someone as much as I love you. I need you to know that no matter what happens to us, that you understand how much I love you."

She smiled at her lovingly. "I love you too." He kissed her again. "Nothing is ever going to happen to us."

Later that morning, she and Sandy were getting ready to leave. She knew she had to talk to him before they reached home, She kept saying the words he spoke earlier over and over again. _Nothing_ _is ever going to happen to us. _She used them to build her own courage.

They drove back at a leisurely pace. Kirsten was unusually quiet and of course Sandy noticed. "Are you sure everything is okay?"

She looked back at him and then toward the ocean. It was now or never.

"Sandy, pull over."

Sandy looked at her surprised, thinking nothing but the prior evening. "You can't possibly…" Images of her straddling him in the front seat entered his mind. "I mean, there is still a lot of daylight."

She chuckled. "As brave as I was last night, that is not going to happen today."

He slowly pulled over and turned off the engine as he faced her.

"Let's go for a walk along the beach."

"Okay." He said rather skeptically.

As they walked along the shore hand in hand, Kirsten was grateful they were alone. Beside from a few surfers, she knew this was as good a place as any.

"I need to talk to you about something." She was struggling with the words. "I really don't even know if you are going to do much talking after I say what I have to say, but…"

"Honey, you know I'm a talker, so what is it?"

"I'm so scared to say the words that I have to say. I don't think I have ever been so scared in my entire life."

He stopped walking and faced her. He took her face in his hands and helped her look him in the eye. "You can tell me anything. You never have to be scared when you are with me."

"That's exactly the problem." She took his hands in her own to remove them from her face. If she was going to do this, she couldn't look at him. She didn't want to see the disappointment in his face and the hurt in his eyes. "I'm so scared because you are not going to be with me after I tell you this."

Sandy was extremely confused, but nothing could have prepared him for what was to come. "Kirsten,…."

"Please don't say anything else." She needed to stop him. She didn't want to hear reassuring words when she was going to ruin his entire existence. "What I am about to say is going to kill you. It is going to change your whole life around and there is a pretty good chance you are going to hate me."

"I could never hate you." Sandy was starting to get nervous, now understand that whatever it was, it was a very big deal.

"Well, you are. I know that the one thing you hate is a liar, and I have been lying to you about something. I need to tell you because I can't live with it anymore and I hoping that being honest will be the one saving grace of our marriage."

Sandy didn't want to hear it. He rather her continue lying that to have his perfect marriage be anything other than perfect. Kirsten faced the ocean as Sandy spoke to her back. "Don't tell me. Whatever it is, I don't want to know. I don't want anything to change between us." He had a million scenarios running through his head, none of which he wanted to believe to be true.

She spun back around to face him, her voice a little louder than she intended. "I don't want anything to change between us either, but lying to you is not something I am proud of and I am trying to do the right thing here." It was her turn to hold his face in her hands. "I'm so sorry Sandy." She said tearfully.

Se looked down at the sand, knowing what she was about to him was going to kill him. He saw how it was killing her. At that moment, he wanted to just hear it and move on, but all he could do was scoop her into his arms and make her stop crying.

Kirsten pushed him away after a few moments. "Stop doing that. I don't deserve any kindness from you.

He stared at her and waited for her to continue. She once again looked away from him and toward the ocean. She spoke softly, almost hoping she could say the words and him not hear her. "Please juts remember that I love you and am going to be lost without you."

He looked up to the sky praying to God that she was not going to say what he thought she was going to say.

"I have not been completely faithful to you." She felt the greatest sense of relief.

He felt as though his heart was stuck in his throat. "What do you mean, completely?"

Relief went away and was replaced with humiliation. "I was unfaithful to you." She turned to face him and saw confused pain written across his face. She had to continue and get it all out. "I love you. Please don't mistake this with the fact that I don't love you. I just don't deserve you." She looked down at the sand, not bearing to look in his eyes any longer.

Sandy didn't want to hear any more, but his brain was working overtime. "Was it Jimmy?"

She nodded, still searching for some way to fix this in the grains of sandy that surrounded her feet.

"When?" He wished he could stop himself from asking these questions.

She dared to look up, feeling the tears stream down her cheeks. "The first time was when we first started dating. After…"

"The first time? How many times were there?" _Stop asking_, he told himself again.

"Seven." She whispered.

He was the one to turn away from her this time. He didn't even want to look at her. He could see that it was killing her, but for the first time in his life, his emotional needs trumped hers.

She hated that he turned his back toward her. She reached out and placed her hands on his shoulders. "Sandy, please look at me."

"I'm afraid to look at you."

"I know you will never look at me the same way ever again, but please just listen to what I have to say. I am telling you this because I wanted to be honest with you."

He spun around and stared into the retinas of her eyes. "Honest? You have been lying to me for years. How do you expect this grand gesture of honesty was going to be received?" She could hear the disgust in his voice.

"Not well. I knew that before I told you, but you needed to hear it from me."

Then it hit him. "Who else knows that my wife feels the need to sleep around besides my good friend Jimmy?"

Kirsten knew she could never tell him that Ryan knew. It would kill him, plus she knew Ryan didn't want to be out in that position. "Nobody."

"Not that you know of!" He said angrily. "But you know what Kirsten? I don't care what anyone is this damn town thinks. The only thing I have ever gave a crap about was you and my family."

"I know and that is what makes this unbearable. Every time I acted, I knew how much this was going to kill you."

"But you did it anyway?" He asked her, wanting an explanation that was going to make this all better.

"Yes." It was the only thing that came out of her mouth. She knew he didn't want to hear excuses.

The silence was killing her. "Please tell me what you are thinking."

"I am thinking of all the images that are flashing through my mind. They all involve you naked in the arms of Jimmy. I am thinking all those times, where was I?"

"Don't do that to yourself. Please?" She was begging him to stop. "I love you and don't want to see you trying to figure all this out. I have been doing that for twenty years and I still haven't found the answers."

He looked at her for the first time and took in the fear in her eyes. "I love you so much. I just can't believe you didn't love me the same amount."

"This is not about love!" She needed to get that point across.

"No, this is about sex and how you needed to get it from somewhere else!" He snapped.

"Sandy, please don't think that."

"Again, you don't want to know what I am thinking." He said it disgustingly.

"Yes, I do." She yelled at him, trying to get past his stubbornness. "You can't even look at me. You think I am a whore. You are blaming yourself for no reason. You are wondering where our marriage is going to go from here. My actions repulse you. I have been thinking about what you would think for years."

She was crying so hard now that the last few words were choked out. Then he said the thing that she feared the most. "Right now I am just wondering how I am supposed to walk through the front doors of our house that is no longer going to feel like my home." He started to walk away from her.

She didn't know what to do next so she just called after him. "Sandy…"

"Kirsten, I feel like we said enough to each other and I don't want to say anything that is going to hurt either of us. You see, home was where ever you were, but I just really don't want to be around you right now."

Kirsten was frozen to her spot. She didn't know what to do, but as usual Sandy took the lead. He placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her to walk toward their car. "Come on. I'll take you back to your home."

With that, they walked to the car in silence. Kirsten thought that the hard part was over. Sandy knew and now all she could do was hope that they could rebuild from the bottom up. Little did she know, the hard part was just starting.

-

-

Please review for some inspiration. Realization sets in the next chapter.


	10. Emotionless Pride

_**As usual, sorry for the wait. The good news is, I have the next chapter mapped out – a rare occurrence. I know this might be moving painstakingly slow for some, but I really am trying to capture their emotions. I find that the best stories and the really detailed, long ones. I do hope you are enjoying this.**_

Kirsten shivered as she felt Sandy's hand on her back. She was in a trance. She didn't know what was going to happen next. She just let him take the lead, afraid to make any movements. She just wanted him to tell what to do, how to make it better.

He had no clue.

The world as he knew it was completely rocked. He truly believed Kirsten was the reason he got up every morning. Now that very person ripped his insides out. What was his life's purpose now?

He had his boys of course, but they weren't his without Kirsten. Nothing was worth anything without Kirsten.

Except maybe his pride.

Pride was such an odd emotion. It could make or break a person. He thought about the pride he felt that Kirsten was his wife. The pride he felt that Kirsten chose him over all those other men who vied for her attention. He could remember it vividly.

_He asked her to grab a cup of coffee with him, thinking she would say no. She always said no to everyone. It must have been his lucky day because miraculously she said yes. When they arrived at the coffeehouse, heads turned. Sandy noticed, but Kirsten was oblivious. It was the first time he felt like he was somebody, because of her._

He doesn't open the passenger door for her. She doesn't deserve it. She takes notice right away, hurt by his nonverbal behavior. What did she really expect, though? He opens the driver's side door, takes in the last bit of fresh air and climbs into the stuffy car.

He reaches for his keys. _Jimmy kisses her._

He puts them in the ignition. _Jimmy undresses her._

He turns the key. _Jimmy fucks her._

He places both hands on the steering wheel, not daring to look to his right. He doesn't want to see her face. He doesn't want his anger to dispense. The more he thinks about it, his anger builds.

The silence is killing her. "Sandy?" She calls his name, just to make sure he remembers to breathe.

He looks at her. The woman he always loved. The woman the he figured could never do wrong. The woman he knew he never really deserved. As he searches her eyes, all he sees is fear. That is not what makes him turn away. It's the moisture he feels coming on.

He turns his head, not wanting her to see what she has done to him. He grips the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white. He puts his head down and cries. His whole body shakes, thinking of how she truly ripped his life apart.

Pride.

He is too proud to show her his weakness.

She places her hands on his shoulder. "Sandy, please don't do this to yourself." She doesn't know what else to say.

He takes another deep breathe, puts the car in drive and heads to the house he built his life in.

The rest of the ride was in completely silence. She was afraid to say anything, not wanting to upset him further. He was afraid to say anything, not wanting to use words he couldn't take back.

Intelligence.

That was the only thing he kept thinking. How stupid could he have been not to see this happening in front of him? How could he not see her sneakiness? She blinded him and he hated her for it.

Hate.

There was a word he never thought he would associate with Kirsten. He didn't hate her. He hated what she did. He could never actually hate her. He brought her Seth and even Ryan. He hates that she pulled one over on him.

But it all went back to Pride.

Would he one day be able to swallow his pride and forgive her? Today was not that day and tomorrow didn't look good either.

As they pulled up to the house Kirsten looked at him, wondering what his next move would be. Sandy was the first one to speak. "We are going to walk in the house like nothing is wrong. We are going to discuss what we are going to do from here and what we are going to tell the boys. We will do this tonight and tell the boys tomorrow."

He didn't wait for a response. She didn't deserve him to wait on her any more. She got out of the car, unloaded the trunk and headed for the front door. Kirsten sat there, frozen. He never spoke so coldly to her. His words spun around in her head. _What they were going to do from here! _What did that mean? She knew she didn't have the right to ask. She lost all her rights the minute she kissed Jimmy Cooper all those years before.

She made her way into the house and stood still in the foyer. She listened for any sounds of life. She heard voices and laughter coming from the kitchen. As she headed for the kitchen, she heard Seth berating his father. "Dad, come on. We don't need to hear the details of your weekend. You have no idea how much this is going to cost you in therapy."

Kirsten smiled, relishing in these precious moments that would be no more. Seth continued when he saw his mother. "Mom, tell him to stop. You think this kind of talk would embarrass you."

Ryan stood back watching the whole exchange, trying to figure out exactly what went on this weekend.

Kirsten wanted to continue the light banter. "Seth, I will always be proud to be married to your father. Embarrassment is just part of the deal." She smiled, but quickly tensed up as she saw Sandy making his way over to her.

He lightly kissed her lips, catching her off guard. It was something he did often, but this kiss was not filled with warmth and love. It was filled with resentment. He stared right at her as she spoke to Seth. "Embarrassment and humiliation. Apparently the two ingredients for a marriage in Newport."

He looked deep into Kirsten's eyes, letting her know how much she hurt him. As his anger built, he wanted her to understand the depth that his feelings ran. He held her stare a little longer, then just walked away. Kirsten felt the symbolism as if he just walked out of her life.

Her eyes locked with Ryan's and she knew he knew all the information was disclosed. Ryan felt his heart sink into his chest, knowing all this was the calm before the storm. Seth was clueless. He had no idea how his world was about to be turned upside down as well. He felt terrible for the boy he never knew what it was like to live in a broken home. He was about to find out.

Kirsten made her way to their bedroom. It was like their sanctuary. They had their deepest feelings, their worst fights and sexual trysts contained in those four walls. She was surprised to see him, standing in their walk-in closest, gathering some of his belongings and folding them into a suitcase.

She didn't know she even had the courage to speak, but the words just came out. "Sandy, can you just slow down a second?" Her tone was demanding, fueled by fear.

"If you said that to Jimmy, we wouldn't be in this situation." He snapped. Patience was thrown out the window. He was angry. There was no room for any other emotion.

She was shocked. He never spoke to her that way, but she knew she deserved it. Her voice softened, exposing her fear. "I thought we were going to figure out things and how to tell the boys." She questioned.

"I feel as if I can't even be in the same room as you. If I stay here now, I am going to say horrible things. I am not in the frame of mind to even be civil to you." He never thought this day would come. These four walls seen it all, but even their worst fight didn't come close to this. He thought back to where she was the one who wanted to pack her bags.

"_Why can't you see that he is trying to help us?" She was talking about her father._

"_He doesn't want to help us, he wants to rub my face in it." He knew Caleb Nichol._

"_Since when did you become too proud to accept help when we need it?"_

"_We don't need help Kirsten. We lived off of what we had in Berkeley and you were actually happy. You just don't seem like you can be happy with me in Newport."_

"_This has nothing to do with me. This has to do with your stubbornness and your pride."_

There it was again. Pride.

"Where are you going to go? I really don't want you to go anywhere. This is your home Sandy." She was rambling, anything to keep him here for a few seconds longer.

He needed her to understand where he was mentally. "All I keep thinking about is why." He looked into her eyes and saw the tears forming. "I keep thinking about how I busted my ass for over twenty years to fit into your puzzle and I still wasn't enough for you."

"That's not true." She whispered.

"Stop saying that!" He yelled at her. He didn't want to hear it. He took a deep breath and lowered his voice. "It is true because you still needed more. I wasn't enough."

She was sobbing, as he zipped up his suitcase. "I need some time Kirsten. I need a few hours to regain my composure. I will be back in the morning to see the boys off to school. Take the day off tomorrow so we can really map out what is going to happen." He started to walk out the glass doors of his bedroom that were adjacent to the path that led to the driveway.

"I love you Sandy. Please come back tomorrow." She was afraid that was the last time she was ever going to see him, although she knew that wasn't true.

"I said I will be back to see the boys tomorrow." He wanted to make it clear he was annoyed that she was still using the 'I Love Yous'.

She watched him physically turn his back on her and walk away. Sandy felt better leaving. She turned her back on him emotionally a long time before.

-

-

_**Please review! I just hope you all will enjoy the pace. Please let me know if there is anything you would like to see happen. I am open to any suggestions.**_


	11. Fight For Us

_**This chapter was supposed to progress a lot more into the story, but I got caught up in a Rysten moment, a flashback and some Kandy dialogue. Hope you enjoy it.**_

Kirsten thought about following him. She thought about running after him. She thought about saying something that would magically make this all better. She knew none of these thoughts would make any of this right.

Sandy was not the type of person that could be easily convinced of something when his mind was already made up. He had a strong sense of what was right and wrong, nothing deferring his original thoughts.

She remembered back to when she wasn't so convinced.

_Berkeley was Kirsten's safe haven. It was the exact opposite of Newport, falling in love with it from the first day she arrived. Sandy had just left her dorm room after a night of unadulterated fun. There was no definition of their relationship just yet, but Kirsten knew she was falling hard and fast, something she never allowed herself to do. _

_Sandy was too afraid to express his feelings toward her just yet. He didn't want to push her in the wrong direction. Later that day, all his feelings came to the surface. He saw her on campus walking with one of the biggest scumbags to ever attend Berkeley. He watched as she handed him her books and walk into one the administration buildings. He couldn't help but follow._

_He got close enough to hear the words exchanged. "Come out with me tonight. I only promise a great time."_

_He saw her hesitate, immediately followed by a smile. "I'll think about it, but thanks for the invite." She turned around to walk away, and immediately caught those blue eyes staring daggers. _

_She tired to explain that she was just being polite. She tried to explain there was nothing going on, but he wouldn't listen. His mind was already made up._

"_Sandy!" She called after him, but he turned her back on her and walked away as quickly as possible. She caught up to him and tried to explain. _

_She knew from that moment Sandy was strong willed and once his mind was made up, it was going to be an unbelievably tough task to change it_.

She knew at the time she could easily convince him to change his behavior, but after twenty years of marriage she understood his stance much better. Convincing Sandy Cohen of something he truly didn't believe in was damn near impossible.

So she let him go. She let him turn his back and walk out of the home they built together. She knew talking to him right now was not the answer. She knew he needed to cool off and re-evaluate the situation so they can speak to each other like human beings and not like hateful enemies.

Later that night, she decided she couldn't hide in her bedroom forever. Plus, she was starving and wanted to get something to eat. She made her way down the long hallway, as her slippers sounded against the cold marble tile. She wrapped her robe around her tighter, feeling a chill run down her spine. _This house was so cold without Sandy in it_, she thought.

Seth was in the kitchen, speaking to Ryan about some comic book reference that she didn't understand. She couldn't help but notice the expectant look on Ryan's face, waiting for her to disclose some ground breaking piece of information. Instead, she just smiled and opened up the fridge. As she pulled out some cold cuts, Seth's banter immediately chimed in to her actions.

"What's up Mom? No dinner at the Arches with Dad? No elite country club gathering? No Newpsie emergency to have cocktails at the Yacht Club?"

Kirsten just smiled, trying to ignore the weight of those words. "Not tonight sweetie."

"Where's Dad? He is really the sandwich maker of the house."

Kirsten didn't look up. She kept her focus on the counter. If she was going to lie, she was not going to look her son straight in the eye as she did so. "He had to go to the office for a bit."

Seth accepted that answer and started to exit the kitchen. "Going over to Summer's. Good night Mom."

She continued making her sandwich as she wished Ryan's presence would disappear. She didn't want to look at him either although she didn't have to lie to him.

"Are you okay?" He asked genuinely concerned.

She finally looked up at him and couldn't stop the liquid pools forming in her eyes. She tried to put on a smile to ease his worries, but failed miserably. "I'll be fine."

"Seth doesn't have a clue."

"What?"

"Seth. He didn't notice anything weird between you two this afternoon when you got back."

"You did?" She asked

"It was very obvious to me. Sandy looks like he is mad at the world so I have to assume to did go through with it and tell him." It was sort of a question that he already knew the answer to.

"We are going to talk tomorrow and discuss things with you and Seth tomorrow night."

"Oh. Wow." That was all Ryan could muster. He had no idea what that meant. He had a million scenarios rushing around in his mind. Who would live in the house? Where would he and Seth go? Were they going to divorce? Could Sandy ever truly forgive her?

"Ryan." She interrupted his thoughts. "I don't want you to worry about this. We will work it out and somehow continue functioning as a family."

"Even if Sandy hates you?"

"Yes. Even if Sandy hates me, although I hope that is not going to be the long term case."

Ryan thought carefully before he spoke, but wanted to get this out so Kirsten understood what position she was actually in. "I would hate you."

She looked up at him surprised, but when she saw the seriousness in his eyes, she wanted to put him at ease. "Thanks a lot." She actually gave him a real smile.

"He smirked back but his lips curved back into a serious mode. "I mean it Kirsten. I would. I know that is a terrible thing to say, but think about what you have done to him. And I am only telling you this so you realize how hard you are going to have to work to get him back, to get him to trust you again."

"Ryan, you don't think I know that?"

"No, I don't." He snapped back. "I don't think you understand what you did. I don't think you understand how something like this would affect any man, let alone Sandy. He is a man who revolves his whole existence around his family and you are the center of his family in his eyes."

The liquid pools came streaming down her face and suddenly Ryan felt like he said too much. "I'm sorry. I just want you to know what you're up against, so you can fight."

She wiped her face and tried to smile again. He smiled back and walked toward her for a hug. As he embraced her, he whispered into her ear, "Fight for us Kirsten. Fight for us to be a family."

He didn't want to make eye contact because he didn't want her to see the fear in his eyes. He didn't want her to recognize the look of disappointment. He didn't want her to see how scared he was to be in the middle of another broken home.

Later that night, Kirsten lay in bed, staring at the empty side. She hated not having him there next to her. _Better get used to it_, she thought. Her hands roamed to his pillow and as her hands felt the cold sheets touch her skin, she thought back to the last time she stared at an empty side of the bed with such uncertainty.

_She and Sandy were dating about four months exclusively. There was another three or four months before that where they both claimed that they were just "hanging out". Occasional drunken kisses, casual dinners, trips to the movies, but nothing beyond that. Then things became a little bit more serious and they decided not to date anyone else. They started sharing interests and sharing feelings. Then it happened._

_It was the middle of the afternoon. They were in his dorm room and things became heated. One thing led to another and they both found themselves naked, panting, coming down off a euphoric high. It was great sex, Nether of them could deny it, but it was so unplanned and so unromantic. _

"_You're absolutely beautiful." He spoke the first set of words. Sandy could make any scenario romantic._

_They laid there for about an hour discussing everything and anything under the sun. He then abruptly got up and asked her if she wanted a bite to eat. She agreed, got dressed and they went on their way._

_Throughout the whole meal, she couldn't believe what they just did. She didn't normally behave like that, but there was no denying their chemistry. It just felt right. That was what she kept telling herself anyway. They hadn't even discussed their deep feelings for each other yet, so she was worried. _

_As he walked her home, she wanted to bring it up. She wanted to discuss what happened between them, but didn't have the courage. Sandy was going along like nothing changed. He was so calm and so natural. It was irritating in way._

_They said goodnight and he kissed her a longer than a normal goodbye kiss. When she went to bed that night, she never thought she would be sleeping alone the first time she and Sandy had sex. But here she was touching the adjacent pillow, feeling the cold sheets. She couldn't get her mind off him, worried that it didn't mean anything to him. The phone ring pulled her away from these thoughts._

"_Hello?"_

"_Kirsten? It's Sandy."_

"_Hey." She tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. _

"_Hey back." There was a silence that needed to be broken and fast. "I just wanted to see if you were okay?"_

"_I'm fine. Why?"_

"_I just wanted to make sure you were okay with everything that happened between us. We never really discussed it happening and especially not like that. I just wanted to make sure you were okay with things between us."_

_She felt an immediate sense of relief. She didn't make a mistake. He was concerned about her, which was so sweet. "I'm fine Sandy. I appreciate you calling though. I wanted to talk to you about it all night, but I was scared."_

"_Scared of what?" What could this girl possibly be scared of?_

"_Of everything. Of the fact that it wasn't up to par, of the fact that this was not what you wanted, if I was not what you really wanted?"_

"_Now I am really glad I called. Kirsten…" He struggled with the words. "You are more than what I ever deserve. I thought today was great. It's not what I envisioned for our first time, but you make everything special."_

_She was silent. She didn't know what to say. She was literally speechless._

_He grew nervous. "Okay, now I think I said too much. I'm sorry. I'm going to go now and you can pretend you didn't hear that last part that possibly freaked you out."_

_She smiled, loving his ramblings. "I'm not freaked. I'll see you tomorrow."_

The ring of the phone snapped her out of that memory. Her smile faded as she was plunged back to reality and back into her cold, lonely bed. She leaned over to Sandy's side and answered the land line. "Hello?"

"It's me." His voice sent a chill down her spine.

"Hi." She missed him already. It had only been a few hours and she hated that he need to be away from her.

"I just figured I would let you know where I am."

"Sandy, please come home."

He ignored her. "I'm at the Balboa Beach Hotel."

"Sandy, talk to me." She was getting desperate.

"I wanted to let you know where I was, in case of an emergency. Did Seth wonder of my whereabouts?" Always worried about his son, not her anymore, just their children.

"Yes. You know him. I told him you were at work."

"I guess that works. I guess you really couldn't tell him that you committed adultery and I couldn't stand to look at you, huh?"

She felt terrible. "That's not funny, Sandy. Let's try to leave the jokes out of it."

"I wasn't trying to be funny. I was just stating facts Kirsten." He stopped himself from saying anything else. He didn't hate her. He could never hate her. He just wishes he did. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to say these things to you. I'm just so angry at you. This is why I had to leave. I didn't want to spend our days trading insults."

"I have nothing to insult. I love you Sandy. Please forgive me." Her voice cracked and he knew she was crying. She rarely cried, so he knew how much she hurt. It was tough for him to feel sorry for her when she brought this upon herself.

"I'll see you in the morning." He had nothing else to say.

She hung up the phone and started to cry, thinking that tomorrow was the first day of the rest of her upcoming miserable life.

_Fight for us._

She thought of Ryan's words and knew she had to come up with a plan. She had a few hours before they would lay it all out on the table and talk to the boys.

_Fight for us._

She wanted to fight for her marriage as well. She loved being married to Sandy and could not give up that easy.

_Fight for us._

--

--

_**The more I write this fic, the longer and longer I realize it is going to be. I hope you all have the patience to stick with it. Please review so I can get on with the next chapter. Sandy and Kirsten have to talk and the dreadful conversation with the boys is in the future. **_


	12. The Conversation

**Hey Everyone – I hope you enjoy this chapter. It took a while to write because I really wanted to capture the devastation. The updates will hopefully be more often since I am back at work and constantly on the computer now.**

Kirsten never knew what nervous energy felt like. She never really understood what that meant until the early hours of this rather cold morning. Sleep never came. Not because she wasn't tired, but because she was nervous. Nervous because she was petrified of what was going to be the outcome of today's conversation with Sandy.

She thought all night of how things would go. She knew Sandy and he would lay it all out on the table. He never hid from his problems. He always faced them head on, no matter how difficult.

She knew her role would be difficult. Sandy was in charge. She knew she had to let him. She was in the wrong. She had to do things his way. She just hoped that he could see her for the woman he married, for the woman he loved. She needed him to somehow see past all the deceit, so they can figure out a way to move on.

If he didn't want to move on with her, she would have to get her point across that that was not even an option. She couldn't survive with out him and he knew it. She knew desperation was not the way to play this. She scolded herself for sounding so desperate on the phone last night when she begged him to come home.

She needed a new direction to approach this from. Her biggest asset was something Sandy could never say no to, so she was going to use it even if it wasn't appropriate.

Instead of sulking in bed and wishing the day past, she got up early and with a vengeance. She had to work hard on gaining Sandy's trust back. The sooner she started, the better. She didn't want too much time to pass and have him realize he could go on without her. She knew she couldn't function without him.

She got dressed in the business suit that made Sandy's head spin. She remembered two times in particular.

_She had a big business meeting and bought this outfit to dazzle middle-aged men. As much as she hated it, she knew her looks helped her in the boardroom. She walked into the kitchen having no clue the affect she had on her husband. She poured her coffee, not noticing Sandy staring at her in awe._

_He watched her walk in gracefully, still not believing he was married to this woman. He always felt the need to tell her how much he loved her. He approached her from behind and brought his lips close to her ear. She jumped not realizing how close Sandy was. She immediately relaxed when she felt his warm embrace. _

_"You are so incredibly sexy." He encircled her waist and buried his head in her neck. He lightly brushed his lips against her skin causing her to smile. She loved his gentle touch. She leaned back into his chest encouraging him to take it one step further. _

_As she spun around to face him, she kissed him square on the mouth. She moaned lightly, as she felt his hands move upward inside her jacket. He slowly played with her breasts, but her mind drifted to the boys. She knew they would waltz into the kitchen any second._

_He sensed her hesitation and pulled back. "Is that new?" He asked, pointing up and down._

_"Yes. You like?" She flirted back, loving how he always made her feel._

_"I like." He replied. "I would like to see it on the hanger. You interested?" He asked. Thoughts of Kirsten hanging the suit up in their closet, wearing only her bra and underwear excited him._

_Time was never on their side. The boys walked in and ruined all the foreplay._

_"I'm always interested, but it's not going to happen." Kirsten laughed that she could drive him crazy. She then caught him staring at her chest, her camisole dipping low enough just to tease him. _

_They had to talk in a very vague manor so the boys would not get disgusted. "Not now anyway." He replied, never giving up._

_He made his way over to say goodbye. She kissed her on the cheek and lingered by her ear. "That suit is driving me crazy." He pulled back and nonverbally shared the same thoughts. Tonight!_

Kirsten was settled. She would wear that suit that he found irresistible. She was surprised she still had it after the brutal war it faced with Sandy's hands.

_She was getting ready for work, missing Sandy so much. They had both been working late nights and missing each other in the mornings. This morning she was going in later and knew he would be there. She wanted to tease him enough to get her point across that he would be home on time tonight. She knew the suit would get him._

She came out of the closet, fully dressed staring at Sandy. As he was tying the knot in his tie, he froze, taking her in. She walked over to him, and leaned her entire body against him. She could feel him beneath her, getting excited quickly because it had been so long.

_"Tonight, you better be home on time." She said demandingly._

_He instinctively wrapped his arms around her and kissed her hard. "You are not getting away from me this time." He pulled at the jacket, as he kissed her neck, his lips yearning for her breasts. The buttons weren't cooperating, and Kirsten's moan only encouraged him to hurry. He ripped the jacket off, popping a few buttons. He felt bad, knowing now she would have to change. _

_She arched an eyebrow amused. She pushed him away and slowly undressed for him. The speed at which she did so nearly killed him. _

_She had to take the suit to the seamstress to get fixed_.

Yes, She would definitely wear that suit.

Sandy was mentally exhausted. He spent about an hour trying to figure out what the hell happened to his life. He had so many questions that only Kirsten could answer. He passed out when he came to that realization. All the thinking in the world was not going to change anything tonight. The only thing he knew for sure was that never in a million years did he think he would be sleeping in a hotel because the thought of being near Kirsten made him sick.

He slept soundly. It wasn't the most peaceful sleep, but he knew when his alarm went off in the morning, he must have passed out from exhaustion. He turned off his alarm, knowing he had to get moving to make it home before the boys realized he didn't sleep there.

His boys. Today was the day he and Kirsten were going to turn their lives upside down. He hated being the cause of anything negative in their lives. He was worried about both of them for entirely different reasons. Seth would not know how to process such devastation. He never knew anything other than a happy marriage from his parents. As high as his anger level rose toward Kirsten, he didn't want Seth to feel this way about his mother. Kirsten didn't deserve that.

Ryan would feel in the way. He would feel like he would have to leave. He would somehow blame himself. He has been blaming himself for the previous broken home he came from.

Two things were certain. He and Kirsten would have to encourage Seth and Ryan to not place blame on themselves, and they could never find out the true cause of why their marriage was facing a barricade of trust issues.

Kirsten was just finishing up in the bathroom when she heard the front door lightly close. She knew it was Sandy. She could almost feel his presence, a connection they always had. She heard his briefcase drop and footsteps fade away from her. She should have guessed he wouldn't come into their bedroom.

He made his way into the kitchen and put up coffee. He had on the only suit he took with him. He made a mental note to grab more clothes today. He opened the paper and tried to pretend that his world has not changed.

A few minutes later Kirsten made her way down to the kitchen, feeling pretty confident and looking her best. She stopped as she heard familiar voices, sounding like music to her ears. Sandy was laughing at Seth, who babbling about something as Ryan just listening with a nervous look on his face. Sandy didn't seem to notice, but she knew Ryan was just waiting for the bomb to fall.

She decided to play her part. She waltzed in and didn't make eye contact with Sandy. She headed for the coffee pot, but felt Sandy's eyes on her. She was always able to feel his eyes on her.

Sandy looked up and saw her in THAT suit. He knew what she was trying to do. She knew he had trouble resisting her in any outfit, but that suit was his Lex Luther. Why was she going to make this more difficult than it had to be?

As he stared, she caught his eyes and smiled knowingly. She got him. He noticed. _Success_, she thought. Feeling daring, she made her way over to him and reached for his arm. Their contact didn't flow. It was awkward and uncomfortable, but he focused on the task at hand. She moved her hand up his arm and around to his back, guiding him to face her. She leaned in and kissed him square in the mouth. She felt Sandy tense, something that never happened when their lips met.

"Good Morning." She turned to look at the boys, noticing Ryan's confused look. "You boys better get moving or your going to be late."

Ryan and Seth started moving as she turned back to Sandy. She leaned in and whispered. "I missed you so much last night." It was low enough so boys couldn't make out what was said.

"No whispering." Seth said shaking his head. "It's bad enough I could go blind watching you two, but if my ears catch your secret words, I don't fancy going deaf as well."

Sandy shot Kirsten an angry look. It was bad enough they were going to shock the shit out of Seth later, they didn't need to act phony and confuse him now.

As they exited, Sandy turned to Kirsten. "What the hell was that?" He spat.

She looked down, not expecting him to be so angry this early in the morning. They hadn't even started speaking yet. "Sandy, please. Can we at least wait until the boys leave? They are still here."

Sandy knew she was right. He got up, not even being able to handle being in the same room as her. As he made his way to the patio doors, he turned back to look at her. "Nice try with the suit." The words came out in such a bitter fashion, not like the husband she knew and loved.

Seth came down the steps and waited for Ryan. He saw Sandy outside and turned to Kirsten. "Thank you. The space will be a nice change." He smiled noting something funny to him now and devastating to him later.

As Ryan walked in with his backpack, he observed the separation as well.

"Be home tonight for dinner. Your father and I would like to have some family time."

Seth groaned and Ryan whispered to Kirsten as he passed her. "Good luck."

Kirsten watched them leave and was glued to the spot. She didn't want to walk outside because then the conversation would begin. She wanted to freeze time. She now wished she never told Sandy. She knew that she rather live with all the lies, than live without Sandy.

She had to take better control of the situation. She had to get Sandy to listen to her. She slowly walked outside and sat in the chair across from Sandy. He wouldn't even look at her.

"Can I start?" She tentatively asked.

He kept his eyes focused on the ocean. He had so much to say, but couldn't find the words. "Well you always get your way, so go ahead."

She tried to ignore his comment. She knew he was badly hurting, and had to place his anger somewhere. "I have been up all night wondering how I am going to try and make you understand that my actions have nothing to do with my feelings for you. I love you so much and telling you what I did was the scariest thing I ever had to do. I just couldn't lie to you anymore. You deserve so much more from me and I certainly don't deserve you."

Tears started to roll down her cheeks. She didn't want to start crying to the point where she couldn't speak. She needed for him to understand.

He hated to see her cry. It killed him to see her this distraught, knowing he could make it all better and take her pain away.

She continued. "Now, here we are and I know that you have every reason in the world to absolutely hate me. The only thing I know is that I have to find some way for you to forgive me because I can't live without you. My life is nothing without you."

He didn't want to listen to it anymore. Not because he didn't believe her, but because she was killing him. He actually felt sorry for her. "Kirsten, please stop. I don't want to listen to this. I can't hear your heart break into pieces." His eyes met hers and his heart melted.

"Please let me finish." She didn't give him a chance to stop her. "I know what I am saying holds no validity. I know that it is very hard to think of what I have done and believe that I love you. But I do. I love you and the life we built. I love Seth because he is the only thing in this world that is half me and half you. I love Ryan because you brought him to us. And I love my superficial Newport life because you make it real and grounded."

Kirsten knew she sounded desperate because she was. She was pleading her case and knew now was her time. Once he started, he was not going to listen anymore. "I am begging you to forgive me Sandy. I am asking you to think about the fact that I came and told you this on my own for a reason. I know you deserve more and I know you have the upper hand in the decisions we have to make, but know I am willing to do anything and work hard at saving us."

She reached cross the table and placed her hands on his face to grab his full attention. "Please forgive me Sandy because no one can make me as happy as you can and I love you more than life itself."

She knew that even though she thinks she convinced him of her sincerity, it wasn't enough.

He felt terrible. He hated to see her like this. The once confident Kirsten Cohen was now vulnerable and weak. She was practically begging him for forgiveness. How could he not grant her what she wished?

"Kirsten..." He struggled with what to say. He needed to start from the beginning. "I love you and I truly thought we had the perfect marriage. That is why this hurts so much. I think if we fought a lot, if we were having trouble, this would be easier. But nothing about this is easy. I want to be able to scoop you into my arms and tell you everything is going to be okay, but how is that possible?"

He asked her as if she had the miraculous answer to this difficult question. When she didn't respond, he continued. "Every time I think about what you have done, the worst images pop into my mind. I try to ignore them, but they taunt me every second of the day. I just can't believe that you would run away from me to him. All my suspicions were warranted. Every time I thought that guy was trying to get in your pants, I was wrong. He was there already. He fucked you and pretended to be my friend. How am I supposed to get past that?" Sandy's voice was at the brink of yelling.

"I don't know!" She yelled back. "I don't know how to make this better, but we have to get past this. We can work through anything Sandy."

"I can't work through anything right now. I can't even think straight. I can't function on my own and that scares me. It scares me because I don't know how to keep loving you and stop hating you. Because I still love you Kirsten. My feelings cannot be turned on and off like light switch. But I can't live with you if I'm not sure if I can forgive you."

"You plan on not living here?" She asked, already knowing the answer.

"I need some time Kirsten. I need to function on my own for a while. I need to take a break from us and find Sandy Cohen, the man who isn't your other half."

"You'll always be my other half, Sandy. That will never change for me."

"Really? Are you sure I'm not just one third of your life puzzle?"

"Jimmy could never amount to be any part of my life."

"Don't say his name!"

"What?"

"I don't even want to hear you use his name. That is how much disgust I have for him and for you and what you both did. You say he is not a part of your life but he is a major wedge between us."

"I'm sorry." She didn't know what else to say.

"I know you are, but it just isn't enough for me, Kirsten. Maybe one day it will be, but not today, not now."

"So where do we go from here?" She was so afraid of the answer that was to come.

"I don't know. I have so many questions I want to ask, but am too afraid to hear the answers. I have so many different feelings toward you, I am not sure which ones are right."

"You are every right to feel all these things. I don't blame you for hating me, but if there are some feelings of love there, can't we try to bring them out and work toward fixing our marriage?"

Then he said something that broke her to pieces. "I'm not sure I want to fix it. I'm not sure I could ever get past this. I'm sorry Kirsten, but this is very difficult for me."

She started to sob. She didn't know what else to do, so she turned away from him, wrapped both her arms around her tiny frame, and cried.

He hurt just as much. He never thought he would be this guy. He was always the guy that beat the odds. Without thinking, he got up and couldn't help but wrap his arms around her. They stood there overlooking the Pacific, the only sounds were the crashing waves and the occasional deep breath Kirsten needed to take to calm down.

"I'm sorry Kirsten." He whispered softly in her ear.

His warm breath on her skin sent shivers through her body. "This is all my fault, Sandy."

"I'm sorry I can't forgive you, but you know the type of person I am. Trusting you is going to be impossible and we cannot have a marriage without trust."

"So you are giving up completely?" She never thought he would want a divorce.

"No." He was trying to figure out the best way to tell her what he had in mind. "I need to take a step back. I need to figure out what I want and what is best for us as a family."

She thought about the boys. "What are we going to tell Seth and Ryan?"

"I thought long and hard about what to tell them and as much as I don't want them to put any blame on me, we cannot tell them this is your fault."

Those words hurt Kirsten and he was able to see the pain in her eyes. "I'm sorry. See, this is why I need to be away from you. If we tried right now to mend this, all I would do is hurt you with words so you can feel my pain and that isn't fair to either of us."

"I can take it. I will take you any way I can have you. Please..." She didn't know what else she could say to have him change his mind.

"I love you too much to cause direct pain." He thought back to the plan he thought of last night. "I figure we could tell them that you and I have not been getting along as well as we would like to, and we decided together to take a break from each other."

"They are not going to believe that." She thought of all the public displays of affection Seth and Ryan had been witnessed to.

"Would you rather me tell them you screwed Jimmy Cooper behind my back for twenty years?" He snapped, hating himself, but not understanding why she had to question him. She remained quiet, now afraid to say anything else. "Although I feel you should be the one to leave since all of this is your doing, I will move into an apartment. I will be over at the house every night for dinner and to log some quality time in with the boys. As for us, I don't want to file for anything regarding our situation legally until I figure out where we stand."

He was quiet, figuring out if he missed anything. She figured this was her cue. "You really have this all figured out."

"Somebody had to."

"I didn't want to think things would turn out this bad. I didn't want to figure things out in this direction."

"What did you think? That I would just forgive you? That we could just start over? The damage is done. I feel dead inside Kirsten, and you are the cause." His tone lightened. "Maybe this will be good for you too. Maybe you need to figure out what you really want as well."

"I know what I want!"

"No, you don't, because if you did, none of this would have happened. You wouldn't have lied to me all those times. You would have stopped when he initiated the kissing. You wouldn't have let him touch you..."

She didn't want to hear him do this. "Sandy, stop."

"...in places where only my hands should be. You wouldn't have let him undress you and see undergarments that I probably bought you."

"Why are you doing this?"

"You wouldn't have let his lips kiss all your special places that I am only supposed to know that drive you wild, and you certainly wouldn't have let his dick intrude you as you call his name instead of mine."

She let him finish his thoughts. She owed him at least that. "Are you done?"

"No. I want you to see what I see every time I look at you. I want you to fully understand the images that haunt me. I just wasn't enough for you. If it was one time, maybe, just maybe you could be forgiven, but it wasn't. How many times was it?"

"You don't want to know the details Sandy. I don't want to tell you because I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"I need to know the details! I don't want..."

"Seven." She whispered.

He just stared at her, like she was still lying. "You expect me to believe that."

"If you are going to ask, I will answer honestly, although this is only going to hurt the both of us."

"Was it good? Was it worth it?"

"What?"

"Was it good?" He said it slower to make sure she comprehended.

How was she supposed to answer that? "Never as good as it is with you."

"Bullshit! I don't want to hear anymore."

"Then stop asking."

"I'm going to take a walk and clear my head. I will be back for dinner so we can tell the boys."

He left her in the backyard, frozen. He needed to think about what he wanted to know. He really needed to figure out how to move past this. The ball was in his court; he just didn't know which way to dribble it.

Kirsten feared tonight. She feared that Seth would see right through their lies and immediately blame her. She feared that Sandy would pick up on the fact that Ryan knew. She most of all feared what tomorrow would bring.

--

--

**Please review if you have some extra time to boost my confidence. Suggestions are welcome!**


	13. Walking Away

_**Hey – Hope everyone enjoys this. It might be a bit boring since it is a set up of what is to come. Enjoy!**_

Kirsten stared at his back as he slowly faded away in the distance. She hated that he couldn't stay with her to try to start filling the hole she left in the center of his heart. She watched him walk with his shoulders slumped, carrying the weight of the world. She was the cause and she hated herself for it.

She went back in the house and started setting the table for dinner. She assumed Sandy was going to eat with them. Should she assume things like that anymore? She had no idea what her life was going to be like. Sandy had the right to make all the decisions concerning the two of them from here on out. She just had to oblige and their relationship was never that way.

_Sandy always felt that he didn't deserve to be with a woman like Kirsten and that modesty won her heart. She never met anyone who was that smart, but that self conscious at the same time._

_Kirsten walked back to her dorm room thinking about her coffee date with such an odd character. He was so different than anyone she ever met. There was just something about him that had her mind occupied for the past few hours. It could have been those piercing blue eyes, the gorgeous smile or that hot body. She couldn't pinpoint it, but she knew it went beyond the physical. Good-looking guys asked her out all the time. None of them had her head spinning like this. Then it hit her that it could be his intelligence, his kind soul and his modesty that set him apart from all the cocky and conceited of Berkeley._

_But after they drank their cup of coffee, he excused himself from the table, saying that he had to get back to campus because student activism was calling. Definitely weird, she thought. What was with this guy? She thought the conversation went well and that he found her attractive. He gave her all the signals. He leaned into her, he paid for the coffee and he even grabbed her hand at one point. _

_Why didn't he ask her to go out? Every guy she spent time with asked her out on a date. Why didn't he? Maybe he wasn't interested, she thought. That wasn't good enough. She liked this guy and needed to fulfill her curiosity. _

_She passed by the same area they met earlier on campus and saw him standing behind the table still pleading with people to vote for Mondale and Ferraro. She couldn't help but smile. He was so passionate when it came to something he believed in. He seemed like the complete opposite when they were having coffee. He seemed almost unsure of himself as he babbled about things._

_She walked over to the table, standing a little bit back, as Sandy was explaining his points to a girl that seemed more interested in Sandy than in politics. She smiled, knowing he was clueless. His eyes caught hers the second she smiled. It was like an instant connection._

_He waited for her to approach the table, but she wasn't moving. She made the move to walk back over to the table, the least he could do was come over to her. Plus, she didn't want any of Sandy's political friends to overhear them. He finally decided to approach her._

_"Okay. I'll bite." He said, his smile so big it could light up a small city._

_"Well I figured I walked all the way back over here, I figured you should have to take a few steps too."_

_He laughed, wondering why this girl was wasting her time. "Your plan worked. Well, that smile worked."_

_She wanted to melt. He had a way with words. "I came all the way back over here because, well,..." She started to hesitate, not knowing exactly what to say. She suddenly felt stupid and child-like. "I mean, you had fun at coffee right?"_

_"Sure." He didn't know what she wanted to hear, but he would tell this girl anything as long as she continued to speak to him. Plus, he could feel his friend's eyes burning a hole in his back._

_For the first time, Sandy noticed her insecurity. She bucked up the courage to barge ahead. "Why didn't you ask me out again?"_

_Sandy was caught off guard and his look of surprise scared Kirsten a bit and decided to finish what she started. "I just thought we hit it off and I figured you would have asked me to do something again."_

_"Kirsten, I..." He didn't know what to say. He was clearly embarrassed._

_"I don't mean anything formal. I just figured you would have wanted to have coffee again, maybe grab a drink, even a walk back to campus together. Where did I go wrong?"_

_Sandy smiled, falling in love with this girl more and more every second he spent with her. "To be honest, I..." He paused wondering if he should reveal his true feelings. "...I just didn't think I really had a shot. I was shocked you agreed to have coffee with me in the first place." He looked down, clearly embarrassed. _

_"Really?"_

_"Yes. Really!" He couldn't help smiling. _

_"Oh okay. Well, in case you were wondering, you have a very good shot. Actually I would have to say the odds of me saying yes, to perhaps another coffee, are in your favor."_

_"Really?" Now he was the one surprised._

_"Yes, really!" She used his words and reflected the same smile back at him._

_She had been making the decisions for the both of them ever since._

She placed the last glass down on the table and she drifted back to reality. Sandy was in charge now and she wondered if he would like to play this new part. She wondered if it was really his personality to be passive or if he always acted that way just for her sake. She would soon find out.

The boys strolled in and she told them they would be eating in about a half an hour. Seth looked unaware, but Ryan still had that scared look dressing his light features.

The food arrived and as she was placing everything on the table, Sandy returned from his walk. He made his way into the kitchen and wordlessly started to help her. They had a system, which they abided by every night. She took care of the drinks and he emptied all the containers into serving plates. If they weren't carrying around the weight of what tonight would held, it seemed like an ordinary dinner on an ordinary night.

"I'm going to miss these simple things." She pointed to the set table.

He looked to the table and knew exactly what she was talking about. "Me too, but I'll be here for dinner."

She couldn't help but think he was having second thoughts about telling the boys. For the first time today, he didn't answer her with some sort of comment that it was her fault that they wouldn't be doing this every night. She was about to say something, maybe ask him if he was having second thoughts. She knew once they told Seth and Ryan what was about to happen, there was no turning back. They couldn't change their minds and play minds games with them. This was going to be hard enough. Just as she was about to ask him about it, his booming voice distracted her.

"Fellas, dinner!" He called for them.

There was no turning back now.

They all sat down to dinner and started eating. Sandy noticed that Ryan was unusually quiet, not wanting to interrupt any of their family time. Seth was his usual self, bantering about Summer and how she was still friends with Zach.

When they finished eating, Kirsten knew they were running out of time, but she was sure as hell not going to start this conversation. She was going to follow Sandy's lead. She knew it was wishful thinking, but maybe he changed his mind. But then their eyes met and she knew it was time.

"So there is a reason we wanted to have family time tonight." Sandy started.

"We know, you miss us and can't get enough of us." Seth interjected.

Ryan was not making eye contact with anyone, his eyes focused on his water glass.

"Yes that, but also because your mother and I need to talk to the both of you." Sandy was struggling with what to say next and Kirsten noticed and decided to help him out. He looked like he was physically hurting.

"We need to talk to you about the direction our family is going to take in the next few weeks."

"Cool. Are we going on vacation? I say we go back to Vegas. We love The Vegas, right Ry?" He turned to ask Ryan, but noticed the look of dismay and immediately knew they were not discussing their summer plans. Seth looked back at his parents to further explain.

Sandy couldn't help but notice that Ryan knew bad news was coming. Was this kid that intuitive? "Seth, Ryan, your mother and I are going to take some time apart from each other." He spoke the words so rapidly, that even he didn't hear them come out of his mouth.

"What?" Apparently Seth didn't hear them clearly either. Ryan moved his eyes from the glass to the corner edge of the table.

Kirsten decided it was her turn. "Your father and I need some time apart from each other to figure out what we really want. We still love you both very much, but it is in the best interest for all of us if we just try a separation for a little while."

"What?" Seth was bewildered. "I don't understand. You guys can never get enough of each other. What happened from this morning to now?"

Sandy took over; needing to explain so Seth wouldn't think it was all of a sudden. "It has been coming for a long time Seth."

Kirsten jetted her eyes over at Sandy and gave him a look, like _what the hell are you talking about?_ Now she was confused.

"We have been thinking that being apart might do us all a lot of good. I will still be around. I plan on coming around for dinner at night and spend time with you on the weekends."

Then it hit Kirsten. Sandy was trying to protect her. If it came off as a sudden thing, Seth would suspect that something must have happened to make them come to this decision.

Seth's voice brought her out of her trance. "You're moving out?"

Only then did Ryan look up and not at Sandy, who the question was directed.

As Sandy responded, Ryan couldn't help but look at Kirsten in utter bewilderment. "I am going to temporarily move into an apartment, not too far from the pier."

Ryan couldn't believe that Kirsten somehow managed to stay in the house. He should have figured Sandy would be the one to move out. He was too much of a gentleman to kick her out, even though this was all her fault. He admired the man Sandy was, behaving with such a high level of class. At that moment, he hopes to be, half the man Sandy is, one day.

Sandy turned to Ryan. "Ryan, say something. We don't want you to pull back from us, just because of this. We both still want you to be a very big part of out lives."

"Whatever you think is best for you guys, is fine with me." Ryan spoke softly.

"Well it's not fine with me." Seth was really questioning this. "I don't get it. I don't get how all this time you act like horny teenagers, but you need to be apart. It doesn't make sense."

Kirsten didn't know how to respond. It almost seemed easier at this point to tell him the truth, but Sandy handled it with such grace. "Seth, you have to understand that as much as you are the most important thing in our lives, our marriage is something that will always be just ours. Your mother and I don't feel that we have to justify what we are doing. We want you to trust us that we are doing the right thing. We don't want to fight and get to the point of hating each other because we are being forced to live under the same roof. I still love your mother very much. I don't want to jeopardize that. We need some space to digest what is going to happen to our marriage. Sometimes people need to step away from the situation and examine it from the outside looking in, to be a better judge of things."

Kirsten started to feel the tears come as she listen to Sandy's speech. She really didn't even know where he stood until right now as he explained it to their sons.

"Seth..." She interrupted. "...We want you to listen to what your father is saying. He is one hundred percent right in everything that he is saying." She wanted to say to Sandy that he was one hundred percent right in the whole situation. "We want to stay civil to each other and right now living under the same roof is not going to be good for us. Can you understand that?"

Seth was utterly annoyed. "I am having trouble understanding how you both can be okay with this."

"We have no choice but to be okay with this." Sandy simply responded. "We don't want to be one of those couples that hates each other.

"What's going to happen?"

"Well, like I said, I am going to move into an apartment."

"And then what? You two will still see each other?"

"Definitely!" Kirsten responded, not giving Sandy the chance. She needed to make sure she still saw Sandy every day.

"So you will take a break from your marriage to do what? Date? Date each other? Date other people?"

"Seth, we don't have it all figured out. We are going to take it day by day and see what happens."

"Have you found a place yet?" That was the first time Ryan spoke and of course it was about logistics and not about feelings.

"No, but I have a realtor working on finding me something by the weekend."

"You did?" Kirsten was surprised that he already started taking action, but quickly recovered. "I could have helped you do that."

"See? You are being so nice to each other. It makes this so hard to digest."

"Would you rather them being screaming and fighting?" Ryan spoke again, annoyed at what Seth was implying he wished.

"No." Seth said quietly.

"Ryan? Is there anything you want to ask or say?"

He looked at Kirsten, knowing he couldn't say much. He realized that Sandy had no idea that he knew about the affair. "No."

"You two are excused, unless you want to talk about this any further."

"No, that's okay. I'm bummed out and confused enough for one evening, but thanks." Seth responded sarcastically. He pushed his chair back and headed outside in the direction to the pool house, with Ryan following.

Kirsten didn't want to look up at Sandy because she was afraid that she would see acceptance in his eyes. Acceptance with what they just did. Acceptance that it was okay. Acceptance that they would be fine together or separately. But she didn't want to accept any of this.

"That went better than I expected." Sandy spoke first, trying to cut the tension a bit.

"Are you serious? I feel like we ripped their hearts out."

"You ripped their hearts out." He said coldly.

He didn't even attempt to help her clean up after dinner. "I have to go up and pack more stuff. I need a few suits and some cosmetics." He started walking toward the bedroom in silence, as she cleared the plates.

When she finished, she didn't know whether she should go and see how he was making out with packing or if she should leave him be. Curiosity got the best of her and she made her way down the long corridor. She wondered exactly how much stuff he was taking.

She was happy to see that as she climbed the last step to her bedroom door, that there was only one suitcase visible, although there were many hangers resting on the doorknob holding up his suits.

His back was to her as he stared at a picture of the two of them from when they first moved to Newport. They were in front of their new mansion, standing in their new driveway surrounded by boxes. Kirsten had a huge smile on her face but Sandy looked less than thrilled. His arms were securely around her as his chin leaned on her shoulder.

She slowly walked up behind him, deciding to speak, not wanting to scare him. "I thought for sure that would be our last moving day." She said, sadly looking at the packed suitcase.

He turned around to look at her. "Me too, although I really look miserable in this picture." He said half-heartedly.

"Do you need help with anything?" She always packed for the two of them. She didn't think he was capable of doing it himself.

"Even then you were lying to me." He was still referring to the picture.

"I'm sorry." She felt like those were the only words she spoke to him these days. "I'm so sick and tired of apologizing when I know it won't change anything, but I really don't know what to say."

"I really wish those words held more weight, but they don't."

"I know." She didn't want to think about it anymore. "Are you sure you don't need any help? You never pack for yourself."

"I'll be fine." He laughed knowing she was right. There were some things that you are no longer capable of doing when you have been married so long. He likes to think she wouldn't be able to get along without him, but he knew she was a strong, independent woman.

She sat on the bed and smiled, thinking of something that felt very familiar. She watched as he struggled to zip up the suitcase. "Do you know what this reminds me of?"

"Berkeley?" He knew the exact moment she was referring to.

_Sandy was so pissed that she didn't trust him. She had no reason to feel this way. The more he thought about it, the more angry he became. He knew he should have told her that Rebecca contacted him, but since it was only a few phone calls, he didn't see the sense in worrying her. _

_He made his way over to her dorm room to gather his things. Over time, he left so much stuff there to make it easier for his overnight stays. Earlier, she was at his apartment and she overheard a message on his answering machine while she waited for him to get back from class. _

_Beep. Sandy, It's Rebecca. I am sorry I missed your call earlier. I'm sorry for many things, but mostly for leaving you. You know all this already though. You know I want to be together again. Come meet me in Canada after graduation. There is nothing keeping you there. Call me later so we can hash out the details. Love You. Beep._

_Kirsten couldn't believe it. How could he not tell her that she was contacting him? Kirsten felt like such a fool. When Sandy got in, she asked him about it. He became very defensive, not seeing the wrong in any of it. "It's just some phone conversations, Kirsten. I don't understand why you are getting so upset. I haven't seen her since she left me."_

_"It's not the fact that you are talking to her. It's the fact that you didn't tell me that she contacted you, like you were keeping it a secret from me. Why?"_

_"I don't know. I knew it would upset you, but you are jumping to conclusions. There is nothing going on between us. There hasn't been anyone but you in over two years."_

_"Don't sound too excited about that!" She said sarcastically. "Did you tell her about me?" She hoped he told her everything._

_"No." He knew she was going to get the wrong idea. "My life is none of her business anymore. She just needs some comfort because she is scared. She is running for her life."_

_"Well, why do you have to be the person to offer her that comfort?"_

_"Kirsten, have some compassion."_

_"No. She left you. She doesn't deserve anything from you." She was so angry she couldn't control what came out of her mouth next. "I don't want you to speak to her anymore." She knew this request was unreasonable, but never had she ever felt so threatened in her entire life._

_"I can't promise you that. What is she calls me? What if she needs my help?"_

_"I won't play second fiddle to her." Kirsten said angrily._

_"I'm not asking you to, but I need for you to understand my position."_

_"I don't understand it and if you don't understand mine, then really, what's the point?"_

_"You don't mean that." He was suddenly scared._

_"I do mean it. I don't need you to fall back in love with her because I was okay with you contemplating leaving the country in a few months. That's ridiculous!"_

_"You're being ridiculous." He countered. "You don't get to call all the shots all the time."_

_They argued for what felt like hours until they felt as if they would never come to a compromise. The ended their relationship, for the first and only time, that day. They said terrible things, and in the heat of the moment, Kirsten wanted him to come over that night and get everything he ever left there._

_He brought a box with him, but she already had his stuff packed. "You would have taken to long." She simply explained._

_"That's nice." He replied sarcastically._

_She turned her back, not wanting to see him walk out. He whispered to himself, but she definitely heard him say, "I never thought this would have happened to us."_

"That was so long ago. I cried for hours that night." She smiled at the irony of it all.

He picked up his suitcase and headed toward the door. As she turned the french handle he whispered, "I never thought we would be here."

She heard him and wanted to stop him, but didn't exactly know how. "Sandy..." She called after him.

He slowly turned around to face her. "Please don't say anything." He couldn't bear it. "This is hard enough Kirsten."

With that, he turned and walked away from her for the second time in his life. She effortlessly threw herself onto their bed, grabbed a pillow and cried for him, for her failing marriage and for her future.

--

--

_**Please click that button and motivate me to keep going!**_


	14. Where to Go?

Hey Everyone – Sorry for the wait! I couldn't figure out where to end this chapter. There is A LOT of dialogue. Hope you enjoy it!

This was the most awkward week of her life. It was the only way to describe it. Awkward. She felt like she didn't have a place to belong. Her mornings were depressing, starting her day with the realization that her life was in shambles. As her eyelids opened, her fingers were met with the cold sheets that were usually warmed by him. Her afternoons were semi-normal, minus the phone calls from Sandy. He would always call her at some point during the work day, just to remind her that she was the love of his life. The phone calls were not always that innocent, sexual innuendos always implied. Her evenings were the worst. When she would normally call it a day because she wanted to get home to her family, she would stay in her office looking for things to keep her busy so she wouldn't have to go home. She hated that the most. It boiled down to the fact that she was scared. She didn't want to face the abnormality of a broken home. So, she stayed at the office late, to avoid running into Sandy at the house. She missed him terribly, but she knew it would be harder to see him every night.

She stared at her phone willing it to ring, wishing it was him. She wondered if he missed her or thought about her as much as she thought of him. She remembered back to when she sat in that same chair a few months back missing Sandy, wishing he would call.

_The phone rang, as she was finishing up her last sentence on a proposal for land purchase and development. She picked it up, hoping it was Sandy calling from Las Vegas. He left yesterday with Jimmy and the boys for Caleb's bachelor party._

_"Kirsten Cohen." She answered._

_"Hey baby." It was him. His voice sounded so good. "How are you doing without your three men?"_

_"Terrible!" She said with a smile, not wanting to seriously worry him. She just missed them all. _

_"Really? What's wrong?" He was always concerned._

_"Nothing. I just miss the boys and I really miss you."_

_"Well that's good to hear."_

_"Our bed is so big and empty when you are not in it with me."_

_"Well I'll make sure when I get home that we roll over every inch of that bed!" _

_She laughed loving how he had the ability to excite her just with his words. "That sounds great, but there are a few days before we get to do that. Besides Julie has got me involved with her bachelorette party involving strippers. Can you believe she wants me to go to a place called the Petting Zoo? UGH!"_

_Sandy was amused, knowing Kirsten would never be caught dead in a place like that. She was always so shy when it came to these sorts of things. "Why would she think you would want to go?"_

_"She doesn't care if I want to go or not, she just wants to get even with your strippers." She said it fully intending for Sandy to spill the beans._

_"What are you talking about?" _

_"Julie said you guys were getting strippers..." She simply stated. "...which by the way, I'm not thrilled about."_

_"Kirsten, please!" Was she crazy?_

_"You don't have to lie about it. I know its Las Vegas."_

_"Kirsten, I am with your father and our two sons. At which point, do you think strippers were on the itinerary?"_

_She thought about it and he made a good point. "I would like to think you are not pulling the wool over my eyes."_

_"I'll tell you what..." His mind was wandering to places he wished he were. "...if I agree to get on the next plane home, will you agree to give me my own private strip show?"_

_She laughed nervously, knowing he was serious. She started playing with her necklace, truly debating his offer. "As enticing as that sounds, you can't leave the boys alone in Las Vegas."_

_"If it wasn't for the boys, would you agree?" he wanted to play this teasing game. He was getting hard just thinking of how spontaneous they should be._

_"If you're asking if I would rather you see strangers strip for you, or do it myself, I would much rather do it myself." She smiled devilishly as she said it._

_"With me gone, have you been doing things by yourself?" He couldn't help but ask._

_"Sandy!" She scolded, clearly embarrassed._

_"What?" He asked innocently. "Don't you miss me?"_

_"Of course I miss you, more than you know." Although they were married for years, they rarely ever talked about self-satisfaction in the absence of their other half._

_"How much?" He asked, slowly touching himself, yearning for her._

_"Sandy, I know where this is going and..." She didn't want to get carried away in her office._

_"Good. I was hoping I didn't have to explain it to you. Tell me how much you missed me." Sandy knew she was never going to go along with it, but he had to try._

_"Sandy, we haven't done this since we separated on college breaks. I am at work right now. I think..."_

_"Don't think Kristen."_

_"How about this? I will call you tonight and we can make a date to continue this."_

_Sandy was disappointed, but knew her too well._

_"I'm sorry, but I can't really get into it here and you've got my mind thinking very bad things." She lowered her voice afraid someone was going to hear. "Tonight I won't be in a business suit, sitting at my desk."_

_He was, once again, intrigued. "Can I get a preview of where you will be and what you will be in?" He asked, hopeful she would give him something to look forward to._

_She couldn't leave him high and dry, plus Sandy loved when she flirted like this. "I will be in our bedroom where you like to say magic happens." She laughed thinking about how many times he made that stupid joke. She continued, "and I will be wearing my long, black, see-through lingerie I bought a few weeks back that I know drove you insane." _

He couldn't help but smile. She was so sexy and she was all his. "I guess right now I am going to take a cold shower and wish away the minutes until I hear your voice again tonight."

She looked over at the clock and it read seven forty-five. It was too early to head home, knowing Sandy was still going to be there. She wondered since it was Friday night if he would be there late or if he made other plans. Since he moved into his apartment, they were truly living separate lives.

That is why she felt her heart sink when she saw him walk through her office door. He looked so good. She was hoping when she eventually did see him that he was going to look heartbroken, disheveled and a mess. Quite the opposite, she thought.

He got off the elevator, wondering if he was doing the right thing. It had been a week. It was her idea that the two of them still see each other. She made sure she told that to Seth. But not once had she shown up for dinner this week and he couldn't understand why.

As he turned down the long hallway toward her office he saw her light on, glad she was there. He was hoping she wasn't out somewhere else trying to get on with her life. He always admired how hard she worked, but he knew that was not the reason she was staying late these days.

She stared at him as he took a seat on her couch in her office. She didn't know whether to stay at her desk or make her way over to him. Ten days ago she would have toppled him on that couch. Things were so different now.

"What are you doing?" He always broke the silence first.

She knew he wasn't talking about her job. She didn't know how to answer so she simply said, "I have no idea."

"You told Seth that we were still going to see each other and still act as a family and now you are going back on your word. I don't get it Kirsten."

"I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say and to be honest, I am sick of hearing myself say it over and over. I just don't know what else to do. I thought it would be easier if I didn't see you. I was fine, right up until you walked in here tonight."

"Was it easier for you? Not to see me? Because it was not easy for me. Every night I had to explain to Seth that everything was fine. You should have seen the looks Ryan was giving me. He knew I was full of shit."

Kirsten got up from her chair and walked over to the opposite facing couch, too afraid to sit next to him. "I figured if I threw myself into my work, I wouldn't have to think about how much I screwed up. I didn't want to face what a mess I made of our lives. I'm so sorry Sandy."

"I know you are, but you can't keep avoiding me. You can't keep avoiding us."

"I know." She whispered.

"So where do we go from here?" Sandy always needs to move things forward.

"I will be home for dinner next week. I promise."

"Good." He was satisfied with this arrangement. "We had Thai tonight and there is not much left over. Did you eat?" He couldn't help, but always feel concern for her well-being.

"I will grab something on the way home. I don't need you to worry about me. I don't deserve it." She couldn't help it, but it made her smile to think he still cared.

"Okay. I'm going to go." She started to get up, but she had a million questions she wanted to ask him. Never had so much time gone by where they didn't have hours of conversation to catch up on.

"Wait." She got up with him. "How are you doing?" She wanted him to tell her he couldn't live without her.

"I'm managing." What did she expect him to say? He wasn't going to tell her he was miserable.

"How's your place? Did you get yourself all set up?" Even in college, Sandy couldn't configure furniture.

"Yeah, it's great to be on the water. I surf every morning to try and clear all the cob webs." He made a circular motion with his hands pointing to his head.

She smiled sadly knowing she was the cobweb as he described it. "Well I'd love to see it sometime." She couldn't believe she just said that. Why would he want her there? He was trying to make a new life for himself since she destroyed his old one.

"Yeah. That'd be great." Why did he just say that? Great! It would be anything but great. Awkward would be a better word. He turned to head for the door, but she had a million other questions for him.

"Are you moving on already?" She just blurted it out, but knew it was completely inappropriate. "I'm sorry. I have no right to ask. I just can't help but think you are going to find someone else long term and move on completely." Now she was just rambling. "You deserve to be happy, but it is going to kill me that you are going to find it with someone else."

He turned around at her question and leaned on the doorframe of her office. "Kirsten, it's been a little over a week. I am just trying to keep my head above water right now." He was always truthful with her, but when she smiled and visibly relaxed, he figured he had to tell her that him dating again was a possibility. "Although, the partners have been offering to take me out to all sorts of places that apparently offer a nightlife you and I were oblivious to."

"The partners know?" She quietly asked, now confirming that this was a reality.

"Change of address and phone number." He simply explained.

"Oh." She didn't want him to leave, but this conversation was not going in a very good direction. "Well, just so you know, I miss you terribly. I hate my life right now. I miss you in our bed and I miss our routine in the morning. And I miss our nights together."

"Yeah? Well my nights are spent wondering about you and how all this happened?"

"I'm sorry." She hated that the more she apologized, the less weight her words held.

"You don't have to keep apologizing. I know you are sorry, but I keep asking myself questions that only you can answer. They haunt me during the day and keep me up at night."

She sat back down, hoping he would come back in and crack open this nutshell. "Well you can't keep doing this to yourself so just ask."

He started walking back in, but stopped at the back of the couch that faced her. "You're not going to want to answer."

"Sandy, I owe you everything, so if there are things you want to know, I really am in no position to deny you anything right now."

"Did you even think of how all of this would make me feel?" He could feel the tears forming, not daring them to drip. "I don't mean now, but I mean all the years before when you were doing this, doing him."

"Yes." She said quietly. "I think that is why it took me so long to tell you. I knew it was going to kill you."

"Then why did you do it? I can almost forgive the first time. I can almost understand it. But time after time after time you kept going back for more. That is what keeps going through my mind."

She thought carefully what to say next, but at this point the more she said, the more he was going to hurt. She wanted to be honest with him now more than ever if he was ever going to trust her again. "To tell you the truth, after the first time it happened, I was going to tell you. I battled with it for awhile but we just started dating and I didn't want to lose you. Our relationship did not run that deep and you definitely would have walked right out of my life."

"When was that?" He walked around to the front of the couch and took a seat. If they were going to really do this, have this conversation; he knew they would be there awhile.

"It was when we first started dating. It was in the very beginning before you and I had sex."

"Oh." That was all he could muster.

"I thought about telling you as soon as it was over, but Jimmy convinced me that I didn't have to. That you would never find out and I listened to him. I believed him, thinking in my head that it was only one time and you and I were not that serious. I was making excuses."

"If you felt so bad about it, then how could you let it happen the second time?" He needed for her to explain.

"I think it happened the second time because I got away with it the first time."

He looked at her incredulously. "Well that's nice Kirsten."

"I am not saying this to be hurtful Sandy. You are asking and the least I can do at this point is be honest about it."

"Go ahead." He didn't want to listen to this, but for his own sanity, needed to hear it.

"It was worthless! It meant absolutely nothing to me."

"The other times did?"

"No!" She became defensive; annoyed that he would think that. How dare she? "It happened when I took you home to meet my father. I tried to have you come to my room that night but you were too scared of getting caught. The next thing I know, Jimmy was throwing rocks at my window, telling me how wrong you were for me. That was the first night I met Julie and I was jealous that he found someone so completely opposite of me."

"You were jealous of him? We had a great thing going at that point. How could you be jealous of him?" He didn't understand it.

"I don't know! I guess I just didn't want him to replace me. I can't explain it, but I was in love with you by this point and telling you was not an option. When I think back about it, if I told you after the first time and fought hard for our relationship to work, I would have never done it again. But I kept getting away with it, each time making it easier and easier."

"Wow." He was utterly shocked. "I didn't think you could be so deceitful."

"I defended you to Jimmy over and over, trying to get him to understand that you were it for me."

"But he led you to believe differently? That I wasn't good enough for you?"

"I don't know what I believed. I knew that I loved you, but Jimmy was old and familiar and I fell for his ridiculous words."

"Over and over again." He stated sadly. "You know he could have never loved you as much as I did all those years? You know that right?" He wanted to make sure she knew how hard he tried to make her happy.

She couldn't hold the tears back any longer. When Sandy said stuff like that, it just made her heart crumble to pieces. She didn't deserve him. "Of course I know that!" She was annoyed if he thought Jimmy could provide her happiness. She knew better than that. "It was never about love Sandy. I never loved Jimmy."

"Then what was it about? Was it the sex? Was it that good that you couldn't resist it?"

"No. Stop saying that! It was familiar, never mind-blowing." She slightly smiled. There was no denying how powerful and healthy their sex life was.

"Okay, well then how did it happen again?"

Kirsten knew he was not going to be able to handle this next part well. This was the one time she felt the worst about. "Two years had past, Jimmy and I were just friends. All the times we hung out in Newport on breaks, everything was fine. I was very honest with you all those times we hung out while you were in New York. I wanted to make up for lying to you over the past two years. Then you and I got engaged.."

He sighed out loud, scared to hear the next part. He knew she slept with Jimmy while they were married, but hearing the stories about when they dated didn't bother him as much as this was going to hurt him. They were engaged to be married and it still wasn't enough for her. He leaned in toward her to make sure he heard this next part right. He rested his elbows on his knees, holding up his head, physical exhaustion setting in.

"...and it happened at our engagement party." She said it so quietly, due to her embarrassment.

He closed his eyes, not wanting to believe her. "You have got to be kidding me! You did this right under my nose on one of the most important night's of our lives?"

"I know. I felt so bad about it. I tried to fight it, but..."

"What line did you fall for?" He couldn't believe her stupidity.

"He kept telling me that this would have to be the last time because I was getting married. I was stupid and fell for it."

"I just..." He shook his head in disbelief. "I just can't believe he had that much of a hold over you."

"I don't even know why. I was young and stupid and I guess I was a little scared of getting married."

"Really? You never told me that." He felt like he didn't know her at all.

"I'm probably just making excuses. I always knew I wanted to marry you. And I figured once we were married, we could wipe the slate clean. I was becoming a new person, your wife and in my head, figured it was never going to happen again. I wasn't the adulterous type."

He didn't want to hear about the person she thought she was. "How long were we married?"

She knew what he was asking. "It was about five or six years and you and I were going through a rough patch. My mom was sick and I was doing all that traveling back and forth from Berkeley to Newport."

"Well at least there was a reason for it this time." He said sarcastically.

"Well I was mad at you for giving me a hard time about coming here and there was a lot of alcohol involved."

"Does Julie know?" He was hoping someone was sharing in his misery, even if for her, it was a long time ago.

"I don't think so. Jimmy was miserable and so was I. So we drowned our sorrows at a local bar and dished dirt about our lives."

"Well, being the great friends that you are, I'm sure it didn't take long for you to hop into bed with him after that."

"Sandy..." She didn't want to say anymore, but she wasn't going to hide anything.

"Did Caleb know that this was going on? You had to go somewhere, right?"

"No, he didn't know. I hid it from you, so I certainly hid it from him."

"So what? You Kirsten Cohen went to a sleazy motel? I don't believe it."

"Sandy I am willing to answer your questions, but I am not detailing it for you."

"Where was it Kirsten?"

She was so ashamed. "In his car." She couldn't even meet his gaze. She kept her eyes on the floor as she spoke again. "The ironic part was you called me later that night and told me you would move to Newport to make our marriage work. It was like I did that to get back at you for not giving me what I wanted and then you gave in anyway. Ironic huh?"

"Kirsten, look at me." He wanted her to see what she was doing to him.

She shook her head. "I can't." She didn't want to.

"You have to." He demanded.

She slowly raised her eyes to face the sheer devastation written across his face. "As hard as this is for you to say, you cannot imagine what it feels like to hear."

"I don't want to know what it feels like because I am the cause. It is killing me to do this to you."

"So after we moved to Newport, things must have gotten so much easier huh?" He said bitterly. "He moved right next door to us and you thought it was a good idea. I can't believe I didn't see this when it was going on right in front of my eyes."

"It's not what you think Sandy. Years went by before it happened again. We lived next door to them for about 10 years or so and nothing happened."

"Well I guess that couldn't have lasted forever." He was so angry right now, he spoke to the ceiling rather than her face.

"It was around the time you left the PD's office and started working in the private sector."

"What was it this time? Your jealousy of Rachel?" Sandy immediately thought about how Kirsten felt when he took that job.

"No. It actually had nothing to do with her. I trusted you completely. I had no right not to trust you."

"Good because I had an opportunity there. She wanted something to happen, but unlike you, I resisted sexual urges because I loved you."

She knew there was something, but she never had the guts to bring it up to him. She didn't want him to turn the tables on her. "Loved?" Could he already be out of love?

He looked at her like she was crazy. "Let's not try to rectify grammaticism at this point, okay?"

She was afraid to know the answer if he still loved her so she agreed. "It had to do with the fact that you said I couldn't be happy with you if you made a lot of money. I was angry and Jimmy was single again. He made a move and instead of pulling away because I loved you, I fell into his arms because I was mad at what you suggested."

"That makes no sense Kirsten."

"I know!" She almost screamed that at him. "Sandy, none of this makes sense. Don't you think I know that? I have no cause for the effect. There is no rhyme to the reason. It is like a puzzle where all the pieces don't fit."

"Don't fit? It feels like you are trying to put pieces together that are not of the same puzzle." He couldn't think of a better to explain how all this felt to him. "You said it happened seven times. So you slept with him two more times after that? You had sex with him three times in the last year?"

"No. That was the last time we had sex. We only had sex five times, but I cheated..."

"Only? Once should have been more than enough." He hated that she used that word, like it was to ease the blow to his ego.

She ignored him, knowing he was right. "I didn't mean it like that." She wanted this conversation to end as quickly as possible. She was exhausted, disclosing secrets she hid from him over twenty years. "Sandy, there were seven times. I just considered any type of physical contact cheating...not just sex."

"What type of contact was there? Instead of getting laid you just blew him this time?"

"Sandy, please don't."

"Don't what? Don't express what is going through my head every time an image passes. Sorry Kirsten, that is the small price you are going to have to pay. The least you deserve is to hear hurtful words when you did extremely hurtful things." He was growing impatient, not knowing how much more he could take.

"I know. I deserve you to call me horrible names at this point. Do you want to hear the rest?"

"We're almost done here, right?"

"Yes. The worst is over. There really isn't much more to tell."

He smiled at her. "Well that is the first good thing I heard since I arrived here."

"The next time it happened was at my Dad and Julie's shower."

"What? Wait." He was trying to figure this one out. It wasn't that long ago. "I was there."

"I know." She had to explain. "I went to pay the bill and Jimmy approached me about his relationship with Hailey. I was angry at him because he was sleeping with her. I felt like he was crossing a line."

"He was crossing a line?"

"I'm just telling you how I felt at the time. It bothered me that they were together."

"Then why did you lie to me about it? I knew it bothered you, but when I asked, you denied it."

Kirsten thought back to this moment, feeling that Sandy was on to her.

_They were sitting on the couch, waiting for Ryan to come home after peeling out of the parking lot away from Sandy. He wanted to go after Eddie for one reason or another and Sandy was trying to stop him. Sandy was worried sick and Kirsten mentioned to him that Jimmy and Hailey were officially a couple._

_He didn't understand why she was bringing this up now, but before he had the chance to ask her about it, Ryan walked through the door with Theresa. _

_Later that night while lying in bed, he decided to bring it up to her. He was settled under the covers and she came out in one of her gorgeous silk robes, cut just low enough to tease him. She made her way over to her side of the bed and crawled in beside him. She rolled onto her side, giving Sandy the signal to spoon her from behind. It was a silent game they played. _

_As he wrapped his strong arms around her, he kissed the back of her neck. "Are you okay?" He whispered in her ear._

_"Yeah, why?" _

_"You seem upset about the whole Jimmy and Hailey thing." He figured to come right out with it._

_Kirsten thought to what she did earlier. Grabbing Jimmy into the coat room to make sure he still wanted her was so immature and ridiculous. "I'm fine." She couldn't believe Sandy picked up on her jealousy._

_"Are you sure?" He didn't believe her for a second._

_She knew she had to disclose some sort of information. She rolled over in his arms to face him, resting her hands on his chest." It's just..." She tried to formulate words that wouldn't lead him to any assumptions. "It's weird right? I can't believe that they are sleeping together."_

_He pulled his body back a little bit to read her features better. "You are upset then, huh?"_

_"No, not upset. You would just think it would be weird for them."_

_"You mean weird for you." He stated simply._

_"It's not jealousy. Just put yourself in my shoes." She told him. "How would you feel if your brother slept with me? Rebeeca? or anyone you have slept with? You're telling me that wouldn't be weird for you." She was asking him to tell her that her feelings were warranted._

_He thought about for a second before responding. " I guess so."_

_Kirsten didn't want him to think about it anymore. She needed to distract herself. Within one motion, she rolled her body on top of Sandy. As he rolled over onto his back, his hands immediately found their way under the covers. "I don't want to think about them anymore." She whispered seductively. "I have my own sex life to occupy my thoughts." She kissed him passionately, urging his hands to roam her body. She touched the hardness between his legs, remembering that her hands were on Jimmy just a few hours before. At least she could get the physical satisfaction she didn't allow herself earlier. She felt proud that, for the first time, she saved her sexual desires for her husband._

"I didn't lie. I told you it bothered me."

"Oh I forgot. That part you were honest with me about." He said sarcastically. "What weren't you honest about?"

"I was angry with the both of them and I just wanted to make sure that he still held a candle for me. I told him that I didn't want to compete with Hailey and had to make sure I won this little game I played in my head."

"Well as long as you won!"

"I kissed him at the shower making sure he was turned on and then I left him high and dry. I didn't want to have sex with him. I don't think I ever really wanted to have sex with him. I just wanted to make sure I knew where I stood."

"Do you know how selfish that is, Kirsten? Do you know how Hailey would feel if she knew about this?"

"I didn't even think about Hailey. I just thought about you and how I hurt you once again."

"You have no idea how happy I am that this conversation is coming to an end. And the last time?"

"A few weeks ago at Jimmy's going away party." She was glad this conversation was over too.

"In our own home? The home we built together? Didn't you think you were going to get caught? By me or your sons?" The questions just kept flowing out.

Kirsten immediately thought of Ryan running out of the living room, through the glass doors and into the pool house. She did get caught! "We were saying good-bye and he kissed me, asking me to let it happen one last time."

"And you said no? Shocking!"

"It just didn't appeal to me. I think the danger of it all was gone, plus I really didn't want to defy you any longer. There was no underlying reason to do it and that is when I realized that I had to tell you. That I couldn't live this lie any longer."

Sandy slowly started to get up and her eyes followed him, afraid of his next move. He walked back toward the door, wanting so bad to forget that this conversation every happened, knowing it would help him onto the road to recovery. "Is there anything else you want to say?"

"I think I said enough. Don't you?" She was trying to make a joke, which didn't go over well.

"Well at least I know that all my worst suspicions were confirmed." He looked at her wishing she took all those words back. He wished she were going to tell him that she was just joking around, that none of these things happened. When she didn't, he spoke again. "I am going to go." He didn't want to say he was going home. That apartment didn't feel like home.

She quickly got up and ran to the door, afraid he words were too much for him to handle. "Are you all right?

He was in the hallway now. He turned around, facing her. "What do you think?"

"What is going to happen now?"

"Well I am going to go home and drink a lot."

"I meant between us."

"I don't know." He was lost. "I don't know what I am supposed to do or what is supposed to happen. I do know this...I know I have to try and move on. I'm not saying that I want a divorce because that seems so final, but I do know I can't keep hoping everything you told me didn't really happen. I am trying to live in this dream world and I can't go on like that." He figured he would put it all out there for her to grasp. "I need to meet new people and try to start a new life. I need something to compare my old life with so I can make a sound decision."

"How long?"

"Will it take?" he asked. She nodded and he continued. "I don't know." He said sadly. "But please come to dinner so we can try and be a functioning family, for Seth and Ryan at least. You owe them at least that."

"I will."

He started to walk away and she called after him. "Sandy?" As he spun around, she was right in front of him, her arms reaching out to his shoulders, grabbing his full attention. "I love you more than anything and want you to come back to me, whether it is today, two years from now or ten years from now. I'll wait for you to figure things out, and know I will be for you if you ever decide to forgive me."

He felt so bad that she was saying this to him, but he needed space and she was granting it. "It's not about forgiving you Kirsten. It's about forgetting and that is going to be difficult." He hated being this close to her, because he always felt the need to get closer. He cupped her face and as he inched his lips closer to hers, she froze. She didn't want to do anything from stopping what was about to happen next. He brushed his lips against hers and kissed he lightly. When he pulled back, Kirsten still had her eyes closed, hoping for more, willing it never to end. She opened her eyes when she heard his voice. "Good night Kirsten."

As she watched him turn the corner of the long hallway, she felt the tears roll down her cheeks. It was all out there and as much as it hurt her, she felt a major weight lifted off her shoulders. Now all she could do it hope. Hope that Sandy will be able to truly forgive her and accept her back in his life. Hope that if he does move on, that he would still pick her and their life. The thought of him moving on made her sick, and for the first time, she felt just a tiny amount of what he was going through.

--

--

_**Go Ahead – Click that button for me!**_


	15. Instincts

_**Hey Everyone - I feel like all I do apologize to you guys for the delay, although I am truly sorry – especially when you take the time out to post a review. Your reviews are awesome and I appreciate every single one of them. They do keep me motivated and since I know you are out there reading, I want to post more for you guys! I just wanted to respond to a few of you who are concerned to where this story is going. I don't want to give too much away, but just know that I am a Kandy fan and always will be. With that said, I have a question for all of you. I have been visiting this website for a few years now and I still don't know what it means when someone describes their story as a bit AU. What does that mean? Anyway, I hope you enjoy this next installment!**_

The weekend passed and Kirsten had no contact with Sandy. It felt like they hadn't spoken in ages. She wanted to call him, but couldn't think of a good enough reason, except that she missed him. Saturday passed and she couldn't help but think he had plans Saturday night. When Sunday came and went without a word from him, she knew she lost her right to keep track of his whereabouts.

Sandy hadn't had a weekend like this past one in a long time. He had no prior commitments and no plans. He did some surfing and some grilling. He was lonely and wanted to call Kirsten, but he didn't want to give her the wrong impression. He just told her he needed to meet new people and requested some space. He wanted to call her, but he couldn't think of a reason, except that he missed her.

It was rare that Sandy looked forward to Mondays. He always loved their weekends. There was no rush to head off the work, no waiting for the other to get home and hardly any interruptions because the boys were always out these days. After spending the weekend completely alone, he couldn't wait to start his day so he could end it with his family. _Kirsten better show up_, he thought.

He thought about the last time he saw her, the last time he kissed her. _God that felt so good_, he thought. He knew better though. He knew that any sort of contact with Kirsten would feel good. It was always that way with the two of them.

_After she called him out about going on a second coffee date, Sandy made sure he took her up on her offer. She told him he had a good shot, so he wasn't going to blow it. He wanted to take her out to dinner, but he didn't want to push his luck. Little did he know, Kirsten was highly disappointed when he called to meet her at the coffee shop where they shared their first cup. She was hoping he would have come to campus to pick her up for a nice dinner. She would have to settle for what he offered._

_Kirsten made sure to arrive late so he would be waiting for her. She watched him through the window for a moment before going inside. He was gorgeous in so many different ways. He was so smart and sexy, but the fact that he didn't know it, put him over the edge._

_She walked over to him and as he saw her approaching, he stood up to greet her. "Hey." He leaned in to give her a short kiss on the cheek and that was the first time he felt it. As his lips brushed up against her skin, he felt electricity that sent shivers and warmth through his entire body at the same time. It was the oddest sensation._

_When he pulled back, she stared at him for more than few seconds, feeling it too. She wanted to break the silence to avoid any awkwardness. "Sorry, I'm late."_

_"It's okay. I thought you weren't going to show."_

_"I'm not that late." She teased._

_"I know. I was just nervous." He was open and honest._

_After about an hour, Kirsten wanted to quit while she was ahead. Things were going great, but since he hadn't brought up going out again, she didn't want to leave him with a bad impression. She started to get up and he instinctively reached out for her hand. "Where are you going?" He didn't want this to end just yet. Electricity ran through his body once again._

_She looked down at her hand, once again feeling it too. Sandy released as soon as he realized she noticed. "It's getting late and I should head back to campus."_

_"Can I walk you?" He didn't want to let this girl out of his sight._

_She smiled, loving how polite he was. "I'd like that. Thanks."_

_As they walked side by side, he wanted to grab her hand, but didn't know if that would be okay with her. He tried brushing his left against her right as a test to see if she would pull away. What a stupid game he had to play. When she didn't pull away, he did it again to make sure, letting his hand linger a little bit longer._

_Kirsten felt the contact, but was wondering if it was intentional or an accident. Then she felt that same electricity again knowing it was intentional. His larger one encircled her small hand and she couldn't help but look up at him surprised. _

_As her dark blue eyes met his lighter ones, he felt like he had to say something to iron out the awkward wrinkles. "Is this okay?" He nervously asked as he pulled his hand with hers in the air._

_She smiled warmly, loving how cute he was. "Yes, it's fine." _

_As they walked back to campus hand in hand, they both felt passion surging through their bodies just from such simple contact. As their conversation continued, they both were silently wishing other places of their bodies were touching._

_As they approached her dorm, Kirsten didn't want this to end. She was afraid to let go of his hand, but afraid to hold onto it too long. She wanted him to come inside, but was too ashamed to ask. She slowly pulled her hand out of his grasp, suddenly realizing that she didn't have a jacket and it was cold out. She outwardly shivered and he noticed._

_When he felt her hand slip away, he instinctively moved his hands to arms, not wanting to let this girl go. When she shivered, he slowly moved his hands up and down her arms, in an attempt to warm her up. He thought of a million other ways he would like to keep her warm, but he would have to settle for this simple gesture._

_She stared into his eyes, surprised, that even though the darkness of night they could pierce her soul. "Thanks for the coffee. I had fun." She thought that sounded so cliché as soon as the words left her lips. She just wished he would kiss her already, wondering so desperately what it would feel like. _

_He let go of her arms, wanting to kiss her more than anything. Fear halted his desire. He stood there frozen, not knowing what to do next. He decided to play it safe. He leaned in to his left side and gently kissed her on the cheek._

_Electricity coursed through both their bodies, wanting so much more._

_He pulled back, staring into her eyes, looking for some sort of sign to kiss her the way he really wanted to. "You're welcome. Maybe we can get together again for something to eat? Dinner, perhaps?" He was so nervous, awaiting a response._

_"Are you asking me out?" She asked playfully._

_"That depends! Are you saying yes?" He sure hoped so._

_"Yes, I'm saying yes. Only if you're asking, of course."_

_"Well then, I'm asking."_

_"Good." She was smiling from ear to ear._

_She looked at her shoes, wishing he would just kiss her, but after a second or two, she decided it wasn't going to happen. "Goodnight Sandy."_

_She started to turn around as she heard him say, "Goodnight Kirsten."_

_He stared at her back as she searched for the correct key to unlock the door. He blew it. She was going inside and he was going to have to wait to kiss her. He started to slowly walk away, wondering why he was so insecure and unsure of himself. Then he heard her voice, calling him back._

_She didn't want to go inside and let that be it. She turned around and saw his back walking away from her. "Sandy!" She instinctively called. _

_As she started taking a few hesitant steps toward him, she saw him turn around, making his way toward her at a must faster pace._

_As soon as he saw her again, there was no way he was going to end the night like he just did. He stared into her eyes from a distance and locked them until he was very close to her. His eyes then moved to her lips as he cupped her face gently with both his hands. He whispered to her in a soft voice. "I hope this is okay." He slowly leaned in and brushed his lips against hers as the electricity immediately returned. He closed his mouth, not sure how deep the kiss should be, but then he felt her lean into him, signaling for more._

_He opened his mouth again, never wanting this sensation to end. His hands moved from her face, down past her shoulders, and around to her back. He pulled her closer, wanting to feel her whole body against his. He never felt so much heat rise in his body at one time. Ever since that moment, he knew any contact between them would be electrifying._

As he stared at the clock, he leaned back in his desk chair, wondering what tonight would bring. _Kirsten better show up_, he thought to himself again. He stared at the photo on his desk of Kirsten, Seth and Ryan. He missed his family, but couldn't get past what Kirsten did. As he headed out to his car, he wondered how long he would feel like this. Was he ever going to be able to get past this?

The minute he walked in the front door, he knew Kirsten was home. It was like he could sense her presence. Something inside him ignited. He didn't know if it was excitement that he was going to see her or happiness that she was here for her family. He didn't care because it was an overall good feeling.

As he entered the kitchen, the first thing he saw was her. She was leaning over setting the table, and he once again was reminded of how sexy she is. He hated himself for thinking this way.

She turned around and her eyes met his. _I miss you_, they said to him.

His eyes spoke back. _I miss you too_.

Dinner went smoothly as they all listened to Seth babble about endless topics, including why his parents were separating if they still enjoyed having dinner together. Sandy once again noticed how quiet Ryan was during this. He just assumed it was because he wanted to stay out of it. He wondered how many times Ryan tried to stay out of parent's disagreements.

It was almost nine o'clock when Sandy called it a night. As he walked from the table to the front door, Kirsten trailed behind him.

"You don't have to walk me out. I know the way." He tried making a bad joke.

"I know I don't have to."

He smiled sadly at what they had become. They were like two strangers, trying to be polite around each other while a million other thoughts were crossing their minds.

She opened the door and he walked past her and started down the steps. She thought back to their first kiss and hoped he would come back to her like he did that night. "Sandy!" She called after him and started to make her way outside toward him. When he didn't turn around, she stopped dead in her tracks.

"I can't turn around Kirsten. I just can't." With that, he got in his car and drove off.

The week passed rather quickly and Sandy was once again dreading the long weekend that awaited him. As he was leaving his office to head to dinner, Jason Spitz stopped by his office. Jason and Sandy became friendly and he was one of the few people that knew Kirsten and he had separated.

"Going home?" He asked, looking like he had something else to say.

"Yeah, having dinner with my family. What's up?"

"A bunch of us are going to grab some drinks and watch the game, if you want to come along."

"Thanks, but like I said, I have dinner plans." He almost wished he could avoid Kirsten and go out. He hadn't done that in forever. Plus, Kirsten had been walking him to the door every night calling his name, and it has been getting harder and harder to walk away from her.

His thoughts were interrupted. "Well, we are going to be there for awhile. My wife Kari is meeting us out with a bunch of her girlfriends. Why don't you stop by afterwards?"

Sandy thought about his offer and it did sound good. Besides, didn't he just tell Kirsten he needed to move on and meet new people? This was the perfect opportunity. "You know what? A few beers sound great."

After they set up the details, Sandy headed to dinner. Dinner followed the usual routine as it had the whole week, except for one thing. The boys took off right after they ate, meeting the girls for a night out. As they watched Seth and Ryan leave, Sandy suddenly had a sinking feeling in his stomach. He didn't know if it was because it was the first time they were alone all week or because he was going to leave her alone in that big house while he went out to blow off some steam.

"What has got your mind so occupied?" She asked noticing that he was deep in thought.

He smiled, loving that she still noticed things like that. "Nothing." He didn't want to tell her that he was afraid to be alone with her.

"Well nothing must be something because you are never this quiet." She spoke and she got up to clear the plates. As she made her way over to the sink, she was wondering if he was going to stay even though the boys were gone.

He got up to help her clear the table as he spoke. "I'm going to take off." He joined her at the sink, hating to be this close to her.

She spun around, surprised how close he was to her now. "Really?" She didn't want him to leave.

"I'm actually meeting some people out for drinks." He felt like he was telling her a secret he had been hiding.

"Oh." That was all she could muster. She never thought the day would come where he would choose drinks with strangers over her in an empty house.

"I need to leave Kirsten." Sandy knew if he stayed he would only complicate things. He didn't want to want her. He didn't want to need her.

"Okay." She didn't know what else to say. She turned back around and looked out the window. She didn't want to face him and have him see that he was breaking her heart.

"Kirsten?" He knew she was crying.

"I'm sorry. I know this is my entire fault, but I can't help but feel sorry for myself. Believe me, I know how sad and pathetic that is." She felt his presence still behind her and the last thing she wanted to do was guilt him into staying. "Sandy, just go. Have fun. You deserve at least that."

He didn't have anything else to say to her that hadn't been said a hundred more times before. "Goodnight Kirsten." He walked out, desperately needing a drink.

When he arrived at the bar, he saw a decent size group of people by the bar including Jason.

"Hey Sandy! You made it!"

"I told you I would stop by." Sandy smiled, wondering how much Jason already had to drink.

"Stop by? You are here for the long haul, my friend." He put his hand on Sandy's back and guided him right to the bar. "Bartender, two shots of Petrone."

"Tequila? This is going to be a long haul." Sandy hadn't had a night like this in a long time.

"Two? I'm insulted." A woman's voice spoke from behind them.

"Hey, I'm sorry. I should have known. Bartender, make that three." Jason turned back to Sandy and made formal introductions to his wife Kari.

"Sandy. I've heard so much about you. Glad you came out to meet us!" She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek.

_Newpsie_, he thought. They always kiss everyone hello in a very fake sort of way. "Hi. Nice to meet you." He knew how to play this Newspie game. He had been doing it for over twenty years.

Sandy slammed down the first shot of the evening and he immediately felt the burning in his chest. He grabbed a beer and mingled with some people from the office and a few Newpsies, but mostly he engaged in conversation with Jason.

Two more shots later, he couldn't stop talking about Kirsten. Jason brought it up, but Sandy couldn't help but divulge too much information in how heartbroken he was. He didn't disclose what Kirsten did. He would never disrespect her like that, although she disrespected their marriage over and over again.

Three beers and about two hours later, he now noticed Kari in front of him as well. Only then did he realize that he had to stop talking. "I'm sorry you two." He slurred, waving his beer back and forth, the liquid swishing over the sides of the pint glass. "I shouldn't be going on and on. I came out to forget about her."

That was when Kari said something that truly surprised him. She put one of her arms around his shoulders, trying to pull him away from the bar. "Come with me Sandy. A bunch of my friends are dying to meet you. They might make it easier to forget."

That was when it hit Sandy like a ton of bricks. As he dragged his feet across the room, he realized that he was petrified to meet someone else. He didn't know what to do or how to act. He hadn't done this since the mid-eighties.

As soon as Kari dropped him off by a group of women, he knew that she and Jason set this whole thing up. If he weren't so drunk, it would have bothered him a bit. Thank God he had a lot to drink.

It was like when he was back in college. Girls huddle around him as he schmoozed the crowd. They would laugh at his jokes, comfort him with their caresses, and compliment him in ways that a married man should never hear.

As the evening went on and it got late, everyone began to disperse. The tequila definitely went straight to Sandy's head and he thought about leaving, but knew he couldn't drive. Jason and Kari were about to call it a night as well, but weren't sure if Sandy was okay to be left alone with Kari's friend Nicole. Jason wanted to help Sandy move on and try new things, but he didn't want to put Sandy in an awkward position if he wasn't interested or too drunk.

Jason pulled Sandy aside to ask him. "Kari and I are going to take off. Do you want a ride? I don't think you are in any shape to drive."

Instead of answering him, he leaned in to give him a drunken guy hug. "I can take a cab. Thanks for the invite, although I am sure I won't be thanking you tomorrow." He slurred.

As they said their good-byes, it was only then that he realized he was left alone with Nicole. He had been speaking with her for most of the night and thought she was attractive and nice. He had been in her company before due to the fact that she was a Newpsie and their paths probably crossed at certain events over time.

She looked a little bit like Kirsten. She was very well put together, but all Newpsies were. She had light brown hair and brown eyes that were soft and kind. Their conversation had flowed from the very beginning and as much as that scared Sandy, he was intrigued.

Sandy didn't realize he was staring until she broke him from his thoughts." What are you staring at?" She began the flirting.

"You." He drunkenly said. "You look like a Newpsie." He didn't mean that in a malicious way.

She couldn't help but laugh. "Oh yeah? What does that mean?"

"Well, you are very well put together. The bag, belt, shoes and nail polish all match." He couldn't believe he was flirting back. _God, he missed Kirsten_.

"Well, I 'm glad you didn't mean it in a negative way. Most men don't notice accessories." Nicole knew that outsiders viewed being a Newpsie as a flaw.

"Well it helps that you are very attractive." He smiled shyly, embarrassed that he revealed so much information. "I was married for a long time. You learn to notice everything."

"You know..." She debated whether she should tell him this. "...I went to high school with your wife. She was a senior when I was a sophomore."

"Really?" Sandy was surprised to hear this. He wanted to hear everything this woman knew about Kirsten before he met her.

"Yes. She was very nice, but I doubt she knows who I am. We never were really friends."

"Oh." Sandy was disappointed.

"I don't want to avoid the elephant in the room here Sandy."

He looked at her, wondering what she was going to say. His eyes looked her up and down, not being able to do it subtly because of the alcohol.

She smiled, noticing he was giving her the once over. "I know that you guys are having a rough time, but that doesn't give you the right to stare at me like I'm the one that is going to make it magically better."

He was so embarrassed. He was always horny when he was drunk. Some of the craziest nights he and Kirsten spent together were the alcohol induced ones.

_She was drunk by the time he showed up at the bar. They decided to head out _separately_, logging in some time with their friends. After a few minutes, he made his way over to her, not being able to stay away when they were in the same room. She saw him coming in her direction, noticing how good he looked. _

_As they locked eyes, he knew she was drunk. "Hey baby."_

_She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him toward her for a kiss. "Hey yourself."_

_He always obliged when she initiated the contact. As their lips met, she immediately opened her mouth, wanting the feel his tongue with her own. He pulled back extremely surprised. Kirsten was very reserved when it came to public displays of affection._

_"Whoa." He pulled back, searching her eyes for answers._

_She just leaned into him with all her weight pushing him back towards the wall of the bar. "I want you so bad right now." She murmured before her lips were back on him._

_He broke the kiss again, smiling at how cute she was. " I can see that!" He would have continued this right then and there, but he knew Kirsten would be so upset with herself when she sobered up. "Why don't we get out of here? We can walk back to my house."_

_She knew what he was suggesting and it sounded great. Their sexual encounters were always great. "I don't think I can wait that long." She whispered in his ear. _

_Sandy smiled again and chuckled, not understanding what thoughts were running through her mind. His smile was completely drawn from his face when he felt her hand cup his crotch. He moaned audibly, trying not to draw attention to what she was doing. "Kirsten..." He was about to tell her she was crazy, that they couldn't do that right this second, that she would regret it in the morning, he felt a new sensation that she knew he loved. She moved her hand from his manhood, sliding it further down, massaging his balls. Sandy's eyes slowly closed, loving her touch._

_She kissed him quickly, before moving her lips to his ear lobe whispering, "What's wrong? Don't you want me?" She asked innocently. _

_"You have no idea." He barely got out. He pulled her close, pushing his erection against her._

_"Well you can have me anyway and anywhere you want." She loved being a tease. _

_He thought he was going to explode. He grabbed her ass, pushed himself away from the wall and led her toward the back of the bar. There was a door that led to a courtyard that was closed during the cool winter months. He knew people saw them exit, but he didn't care. He knew what Kirsten wanted and he would never deny her anything._

_As soon as the door closed behind them, he pushed her back against the door, assuring that no one followed them out. His lips sought hers as his hands made their way up her skirt. "You have no idea what I'm prepared to do to you." He smiled devilishly_.

That was the first of many drunken encounters where things went beyond their control in strange places.

He felt bad that Nicole caught him staring, but she was a class act. "I'm going to go. Do you need a ride?"

She started to gather her things, not upset by Sandy at all. She knew he had too much to drink. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to look at you any way."

"You really know how to flatter a woman." She joked.

"You know what? I'm going to just stop talking all together."

"I'm kidding. Do you need a ride? I know you can't drive."

"I was going to take a cab." For some reason, he wanted to accept the ride, but he felt that she was just being nice.

"Come on. I'll just drop you off. After I leave, I don't want you to think you magically sobered up and get into the car."

"Okay." _She was so nice,_ he thought.

When they pulled up in front of his apartment building, he reached for the handle to let himself out. "Thanks." He didn't know what else to say, so he opened the door and slowly got out. As he shut the door, he bent down to speak to her through the window. "I appreciate it."

"No problem. Drink some water. Tequila is not a good friend in the morning."

She waited for him to enter the building before she pulled away. Sandy didn't even have the energy to change out of his clothes or make it to his bedroom, not that his apartment was that large. He dropped his keys on a nearby table and stumbled over to his living room couch. It didn't take long for sleep to take over his body.

The next morning Kirsten woke up with a start. She wanted to apologize for her behavior the night before. She felt bad that she cried in front of him. She felt bad that she didn't want him to move on when she knew it was probably for the best. She needed to stop feeling sorry for herself and needed to be happy for Sandy.

As she got dressed, it reminded her of all the times she would visit him after a night of drinking with the boys.

_She would be just as hung over as he was, but if she didn't make the effort, they just wouldn't see each other for the day and Kirsten wouldn't stand for that. As she entered his home she saw Paul drinking water, looking like hell. "You don't look good." She said jokingly._

_"If I don't look good, you should see what's waiting upstairs for you." He joked back._

_As she entered his bedroom, the sight before her cracked her up. "You look how I feel."_

_He pulled back his covers, inviting her in. "Well come over here and make me feel better."_

_As she slid her body next to his, she couldn't help but ask. "Why do you do this to yourself?"_

_"Me?" He asked, appalled. "What about you?"_

_"Yeah, well I still look a whole lot better than you do." She teased._

_"Maybe I drink excessively when we are not together because I know it is a sure way that you will come and take care of me in the morning." He wrapped his arms around her, snuggling close._

_"Are you starting to take me for granted?" She asked, even though she knew Sandy would never._

_Sandy became serious, nuzzling his head into her neck. "Promise you will take care of me forever."_

_Kirsten's whole body tensed. They never spoke of their future together and it made her nervous, excited and anxious all at once. "Really?"_

_"Really." He said it with a smile, hoping to give her an idea of where he wanted their future to go_.

Sandy heard a faint knock on the door. If he was in his bedroom, there was no way he would have heard it. Another knock came from one very persistent person. As he rose slowly from the couch, the memories from the previous evening came flooding back. Jason. Kari. The bar. Tequila. Nicole. How the hell did he get home?

Another knock.

He walked toward the front door, only then realizing he was still in his clothes. He never thought when he opened the door that he would have been shocked to see who was standing on the other side. "Kirsten?" He was really confused now. Did they have plans? Did he forget that she was coming over? Was he supposed to be somewhere else? He wanted to be anywhere else, preferably a place where there weren't drums banging on his head.

She looked at him amused. She knew he was trying to piece together why the hell she was here. "I haven't seen you look this bad in a long time."

"Thanks." He said, as he stepped aside to let her in.

"Is it okay that I'm here?" She couldn't believe she had to ask that to him of all people. "I know you weren't expecting me, but I really wanted to talk to you."

"No, it's fine, although I don't promise to be the best of company."

Taking in his appearance, she responded sarcastically. "Clearly!"

She made her way over to his couch and took a seat. Her eyes immediately shot in every direction, taking in her surroundings. He did well without her help, and that pissed her off. How can he so easily be living this new life, when she could barely breathe without him? "Your place is nice. I was kind of hoping it was going to be a hell hole so you would want to come home." She smiled sadly.

He didn't have the energy to smile back. He loosened his tie and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt in an effort to get more comfortable.

"I came by to apologize. I'm sorry about last night. I know you need your space and the last thing I wanted to do was make you feel guilty about leaving when you are trying to rebuild your life." When he didn't say anything, she started to get nervous. "And now here I am once again invading your personal space." She waited for him to say something to make her feel better. She wanted him to tell her it was alright to be there, that she wasn't invading anything. She abruptly got up from the couch heading toward the door. "I'm going to go. Like I said, I just came to apologize."

"Kirsten, you don't have to go, but it's like you said. I am trying to rebuild here, but it's tough with you always in my mind and in my presence." He was always honest with her. "I have to keep reminding myself that you cheated, slept with Jimmy, ignored our wedding vows and lied to me over and over just so I can maintain some space."

"I know that. I hate that you do that. I just wish you could forgive me and we can move on."

"It's not that easy, Kirsten."

"I know that too."

"Sometimes I feel like you are all I want, flaws and all. Other times, I know I deserve better than what you offered."

"You do."

Just then the doorbell interrupted the swirling of words that were said a million times before. Sandy struggled to get up to answer it, still feeling the effects of the Tequila. Kirsten knew he was dying and decided to help him out. "Don't move. I'll get it.

She made her way over to the door and answered to a deliveryman, holding a bottle of tequilla. "Delivery for a Mr. Sandy Cohen?"

She didn't think before she spoke. "I'll sign for it. I'm his wife." It was an instinct. She was startled by her own words. She turned and saw that Sandy heard what she said. Their eyes locked as she spoke. "I'm sorry. Is this okay?" She was asking if it was okay for her to sign for him. Something as simple as that was no longer her right anymore.

He waved her off like it was no big deal. As she signed and grabbed the bottle, instincts kicked in again. She immediately looked at the signature card, reading it as she walked over to hand him the bottle.

_Sandy, At first I figured I would be the last thing you would want to see today, but then I thought this bottle of Tequila would fall lower on the list. I hope I'm right. Nicole_.

Kirsten's instincts kicked in overdrive, not knowing her place at all. Sandy saw her face fall; knowing she read the note, not understand the reason for that look.

"What exactly happened last night?" She asked, accusingly.

"What?" He looked at her like she was crazy. He took the bottle from her and read the note, now understanding. "Kirsten, it's nothing." He thought for a moment before he spoke again. "Actually, it's kind of funny." He slowly smiled at the note and Kirsten hated the fact that another woman was able to make him smile too easily. He continued. "Besides, you just said you didn't want to invade my personal space."

She knew he was right, but she had to ask. "Is it serious?"

"I met her last night." He simply stated. "Actually, you might know her. She went to high school with you. She knew who you were."

"What's her last name?" She asked, her interest now peaked.

"I have no idea."

She knew she had no right to ask this of him, but she didn't want to live in the dark. "Just promise me, if it does get serious, with her or anybody else, you will let me know." She said sadly, dreading the day that happens.

"Sure." He didn't know what else to say. This conversation was entering an extremely awkward area.

"I'm really going to go now, but I'll see you Monday, right?" She hoped he wouldn't forget about them all together.

"Of course." He thought that was a stupid question.

As she headed back toward the door, she turned to face him and a tear rolled down her cheek once again while she spoke. She felt that all she did was cry in front of him. "I'm sorry Sandy. I hope you know that I will always love you and if I thought it would be healthy for us, I would stay in a heartbeat to take care of you." She was referring back to the days when he loved to be taken care of in a hung over state. "Ask me to stay Sandy and I will. Let me take care of you. I promised, a long time ago, I would."

It was times like these that absolutely killed him. He so badly wanted to say yes, but knew nothing good would come from such actions. "I'll see you Monday Kirsten." He didn't want to look at the disappointment in her eyes, so he walked away from her once again.

--

--

_**Please review and tell me if you want more flashbacks, more dialogue or more of something that is missing!**_


	16. Questions

A few weeks had passed and all the Cohens fell into a rather mundane routine. Seth and Ryan would make sure they were home for dinner to spend time with Sandy. They would never dare invite Summer or Marissa over, trying to protect this great separation secret. Kirsten would make sure she was home from work at a decent time, not wanting to hear it from Sandy if she was late. He said it was all for Seth and Ryan, but she knew he was just giving her a hard time. Sandy was starting to show up to dinner later and later every night making everyone else feel like their family was slipping on his list of priorities.

The truth was Sandy was trying to balance two separate lives. He would work all day and the little time he had before he departed for dinner was spent talking to Nicole on the phone. He had not seen her since that night at the bar. He wanted to take things slow and thankfully she understood.

The phone calls started after Sandy made the effort to ask Jason for her home phone number. He wanted to be polite and thank her for the bottle of tequila even though it was truly the last thing that he needed. She had a sense of humor and he liked that about her. Kirsten was many things, but funny was not one of them.

They spoke that first night for a while and Sandy was very late for dinner. He lied to Kirsten saying he got stuck at work reading files. He didn't even know why he lied to her. He knew he was being stupid, but it was just easier. He would have to explain everything and it would just worry her. He hated himself for still being worried for her well-being.

The phone calls continued for the rest of the week and as the weekend approached, Sandy felt the pressure of actually going out with her, which scared him to death. She didn't bring it up and he was grateful that she was being so nonchalant. He really respected her for that.

After being late to dinner a few times, he told her that he couldn't talk for long after work. He didn't want to upset Kirsten and he knew she was getting suspicious. Not that he had anything to hide, but he felt really awkward about something that didn't even happen.

In the middle of the next week, Sandy started feeling like he wasn't getting enough. He didn't know if it was a lack of physical contact with a woman in general, or if Nicole was really intriguing him. He didn't care at this point. It felt like years since he had been laid, not that he could ever go through with that. He knew something that monumental would kill Kirsten and he wasn't as heartless as she was. He couldn't help but think how she killed him, how she let Jimmy touch her breasts, how she called his name in pure ecstasy, how she whispered loving things after they made love, how she ripped his own heart out.

Those thoughts motivated him to move forward. Those images flashed like bright lights to gremlins. He figured he would finally ask her out. _She has been so great_, he thought. When they spoke in the middle of the week, he made mention of getting dinner over the weekend. She accepted and huge weight had been lifted off of his shoulders. He felt like he jumped a major hurdle in his life without Kirsten holding his hand. That breeze of independence was refreshing.

When he showed up for dinner, everything was seemingly different. Everything looked the same on the outside, but what felt different was him. He had a date and was actually going to try and do this; move on with his life. It put many things in perspective and he didn't feel like the loser Kirsten needed to feel sorry for. He felt like a man and that was a great feeling since it was gone for a few months now.

He heard Kirsten's voice in the kitchen and decided to go in, not realizing she was on the phone. It was still his house after all, even though he was the one that surrendered it. Sandy stopped in his tracks when he heard the words spoken.

"I had to tell him."

His first thought was whom was she speaking to and who was it about.

"How do you think he took it?"

His second thought was that there was a good chance she was speaking about him.

"Don't place all the blame on me. He had a right to know and I couldn't live with the secrets anymore."

His third thought was that she was speaking to Jimmy.

"Well I can't take back what I did. We both know that."

His fourth thought was why she was speaking to him at all.

"Jimmy..." She said, with the little energy she had left. "...If I could turn back time, I would have never let you talk me into all those situations. You have no idea what I am going through right now. You have no idea how torn apart my life is."

Sandy's thoughts of anger were now turning into sorrow. He couldn't help it when it came to Kirsten. Then he heard her laugh, which instead of sounding like music to his ears like it normally did, it sounded malicious and hurtful.

"I doubt you coming back here would be good for any of us."

That was when Kirsten turned around and noticed Sandy standing there listening to her entire conversation. She never saw Sandy look so angry, hurt and upset all at one time. Her first thought was what had she said? What exactly did Sandy overhear? But within the three seconds that she replayed her conversation in fast-forward, she realized she was in the clear. She was done lying to Sandy and there was nothing more to hide. Then and only then did she realize that telling him about the affair was the right thing to do. She believed that now with all her heart. It was so nice not having to hide from anything anymore.

As she was processing all of this, she realized that not only was she staring at Sandy, but also she was not speaking to Jimmy. Jimmy calling her name broke her out of her thoughts. She didn't know what to do. She didn't want to rush off the phone like she had something to hide, but she wanted to end her conversation quickly so Sandy knew that she would choose him every time.

As usual Sandy took control of the situation, not giving Kirsten time to even make a decision. As he walked over to her, he raised his hand to pull the phone away from her ear. He had a few words he wanted to say to Jimmy.

As she watched him make his way over, he had fire burning in his eyes. When he lifted his hand, she unconsciously shuddered away from him. She didn't know why she ever would do something like that. She knew Sandy would never, which is why he was now looking at her perturbed.

He reached for the phone and covered the receiver with his hand. Jimmy didn't need to hear this. He was disgusted with her at this point. He lowered his voice as he spoke venomously to her. "Have I ever given you any reason to think I would hit you?"

She felt like such an idiot, but she never saw his anger rise to this level before. She just stared at him like he was a stranger.

"Have I?" He said louder this time.

"No." She murmured quietly.

"I told you this once before. I'm nothing like my father." He said aggravated that she would put him in that category. He turned on his heels and walked with the receiver into the living room.

She wanted to follow him. She wanted to hear what Sandy was going to say, but then it hit her. She didn't care. She wanted to be Sandy's wife more than she wanted to be Jimmy's mistress. She had to support Sandy no matter what he said, although she was pretty sure Jimmy deserved what was coming. She didn't want to listen, but Sandy hadn't wandered far enough for her not to hear.

"Kirsten?" He heard Jimmy's voice for the first time since he found out he was screwing his wife.

Sandy wanted to break his face, spit at him and humiliate him in ways not humanly possible. "It's no longer Kirsten." Sandy spoke, his voice deep.

Sandy was met with complete silence. If he didn't hear Jimmy's voice get caught in his throat, he would have assumed he hung up. _How can Kirsten be attracted to such a coward_, Sandy thought.

"Are you still there Jimmy?"

When Sandy was met with silence, Sandy felt his insides burn. "Answer me, dammit!" He yelled into the receiver.

"I'm here." He said, clearly embarrassed.

"You better listen to me. Are you listening? I'm only going to say this once. Tell me your listening!"

"Sandy, I'm sorry. I never meant to rip apart your marriage."

"You're not sorry. The only thing you are sorry for is that Kirsten finally told me. You are too dumb to know what it feels like to be truly sorry." Sandy laughed at how ridiculous Jimmy's apology sounded to him. "I'm sure you are real sorry that my wife has been the cause of your orgasms over the past twenty years. I'm sure you're sorry for all the times you shook my hand after your fingers were inside of her moments before. And I'm certainly sure you're sorry for breaking up my family because you couldn't get your dick wet by your own wife." Sandy was just getting started, although he already felt out of breath.

Kirsten stayed in the kitchen, not believing that that was her husband in the next room. She finally saw this situation through his eyes and the vision was awful. His words bled the truth and it made her sick.

Sandy decided to speak again, regaining control. "You still better be listening to me."

"I am." He replied. "I'm am sorry, even though I now know you don't believe it."

"Shut up!" He screamed into the phone. He didn't want to hear this man's voice that must have called out his wife's name over and over again while their sweaty bodies banged up against each other. "I don't ever want to see you again. I don't want you near Newport, near my family and especially near my wife. Don't ever fucking call this house again. Do you understand me? And Jimmy? All those images you have of Kirsten? The ones of her on top of you, the ones of her going down on you, the ones of her begging you for more...Forget them! Those images are embedded in my mind enough for the both of us. You will never have the opportunity for that to become a reality ever again. Stay away from her." His hands were shaking as he hit the red-lit end button.

Kirsten heard him hang up the phone and didn't know what to do. Should she go to him? Should she stay where she was? Should she pretend that she didn't hear those harsh words? She hated not knowing how to act around him.

Sandy didn't want Kirsten to see him like that. He was angry and he hated showing her that. He was mad that she was talking to Jimmy, but he was more mad that she thought his anger was taking over his self control. _Why would she ever think he would hit her?_ That thought made him sick.

He walked over the floor to ceiling doors, taking a deep breath and trying to let the beautiful view of the pacific ocean calm him. He heard footsteps behind him, knowing they were hers, not wanting to turn around and face her. His eyes stayed locked on the serene waters.

She couldn't stay away from him when she knew he was hurting this badly. She shuffled her feet so he would know she was coming up behind him. She was about to apologize for what felt like the millionth time when he cut her off.

"I hate him so much." He only wished Kirsten could understand the magnitude of this measurement.

"I know you do. I don't think I ever really understood what you felt until I overheard you describing it to him."

"I told you that you didn't want to hear it."

"Maybe I needed to." She said sadly. "Maybe I need to know how disgusted you are to understand why you need space from me. Maybe I need to be reminded of your hurt so I can accept that you deserve better than what I offered you."

Sandy turned around to face her, tears filling his eyes. "I wish you fucked a stranger so I wouldn't have a face to put in all my images."

She needed to hear it. "Oh God, Sandy. I'm sorry I screwed your life up. I'm sorry I screwed you up. I'm sorry that my thoughtlessness has changed you from a kind, open hearted, trustworthy person into a anger-filled, viscous, hurtful human being."

He walked over to her and put his hands on her arms. Kirsten froze, not wanting him to release the physical contact. "I'm sorry if I scared you before, but it makes me sick that you thought I would ever hurt you."

"I don't even know why I did that. I know you would never harm me. Look what I did to you and you still want to be civil. I want you to find someone else so you have the opportunity to be happy again. Listening to you talk to Jimmy just made me realize that you are nowhere close to forgiving me. I guess in my head I thought you and I were going to work things out sooner rather than later, but that's simply not true." She was the one to break the physical contact this time. She was the one to walk away from him, knowing she had to let him go for good.

He watched her turn away from him for the first time since this whole debacle started. He followed her toward the glass doors, knowing he had to tell her how he felt. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and just forget everything that has happened. He knew he would love her forever, even though she didn't deserve it. He also knew that she was right. "I'm not ready to forgive you. Kirsten, I want to so bad." He spoke to her back, still amazed after all these years her body looked so fit. "I have a date." There. He said it.

She turned back around, hurt displayed across her face. "Nicole?" She asked.

"Yes." He wanted to tell her that he would cancel, but knew that wouldn't help either of them. "I have to try and move on Kirsten."

She put a fake smile on her face. "I think that's great, Sandy." She choked out. The thoughts of him with another woman disgusted her entire being.

"No, you don't." He knew her too well.

"I'm trying here. Cut me some slack." She joked. "When?"

"This weekend." He answered. "I really don't know the details."

"I don't want to hear the details." She could feel the tears slipping out of her eyelids and sliding down her face. She quickly wiped them away, wanting this horrific moment to end. She started to walk towards the bathroom to clean herself up. "Go get the boys. Dinner will be here shortly."

"Kirsten?" He called after her. She turned to face him, hating that she showed him her weak side. "Why did you tell Jimmy?"

"Because I thought it would be a good first step to get him out of our lives for good so we could get back on track." She laughed finally finding the humor in this warped situation. "Well, at least he is out of our lives right? I think you definitely scared him out for good."

Kirsten splashed cool water on her face as she thought about Sandy with another woman. These thoughts broke her heart, not wanting to be replaced. It felt the same exact way it did so many years ago.

_After Sandy walked out of her dorm with all his stuff, she truly didn't want it to be over. She knew she had trust issues, and Sandy secretly talking to Rebecca and taking her calls, was not going to help her get over them._

_They would see each other on campus, ignoring what their friends blatantly saw. "If you apologize, he will forgive you." Kirsten's roommate would tell her every time they would pass him on campus. "Look at the way he stares at you. He misses you terribly."_

_Kirsten's tough side would come out. "I shouldn't be the one to apologize. I was not the one lying."_

_They watched him from a distance high-fiving his buddies, smiling that toothy mega-watt smile that melted her heart. "If you don't apologize soon, you're going to lose him." Emily was always the realist. She turned Kirsten's attention to the group of girls staring at him, watching one of them go up to him, flirting mercifully. _

_His buddies watched as he flirted with some girl as he kept a constant eye on Kirsten. They knew he had no interest in the girl in front of him, but that he wanted to piss Kirsten off and make her jealous. After Sandy slipped the piece of paper the girl just gave him in his pocket, Paul noticed his eyes were immediately back on Kirsten. "How long do you think she is going to put up with your shit?"_

_Sandy knew exactly what he was talking about, but he didn't care how his behavior outwardly look. "What?" He asked innocently._

_"You know what!"_

_"What am I supposed to? Wait for her to come to her senses? She has trust issues. I can't help her in that department."_

_"So, what now? You are just going to start dating other girls and pretend like she wasn't the best thing that ever happened to you? I'll bet you twenty bucks right now that you will be unsuccessful at that."_

_Sandy held out his hand to shake on it. "Deal!" He said confidently. He pulled his hand away and reached into his pocket and pulled out the piece of paper to show Paul. "I'm already on my way to sinking that twenty into my pocket."_

_"You have to call her first, ya know?" He teased._

_"No I don't. I already have a date with her Friday night."_

_Friday came and Kirsten wanted nothing more than to go have a few drinks with her girlfriends. As they got seats at the bar, they started drinking margaritas since that was the happy hour special. A few guys made their way over, flirting in a way that only college students knew. The distraction was good for Kirsten because Sandy walked in with his date to have dinner._

_He saw her the minute he walked in the bar. How could he not? She illuminated any room and he hated that eyes were always drawn to her. He walked past, noticing one guy in particular really trying to put the moves on. He pretended like he didn't notice and continued on to his table. He could do this. He could date someone else and forget about Kirsten. He had twenty bucks riding on it; of course he could do it._

_As the evening progressed, he couldn't help but look back at her, watching her drain glass after glass, starting to get drunk. He was having a good time with his date, but who was he kidding? This girl couldn't hold a candle to his Kirsten. But she wasn't his and he didn't know where to begin to fix that._

_Kirsten finally caught sight of those piercing blue eyes; only they weren't staring at her, but at the girl across the table from him. _

_"You better apologize because from the looks of it, he is slipping away from you and toward someone else." Emily told her as her eyes were locked in the same place where Kirsten's were. _

_"How could he be over it this fast?" She asked to no one in particular. She hated to think what they had meant absolutely nothing to him. She hated that she invested so much more into them than he did. She couldn't believe there he was, moving on with his life when they just ended a few weeks back._

_If it weren't for the few drinks already swirling around in her bloodstream, she would have never had the guts to confront him. As she started to get off her bar stool, Emily tried to stop her. "Where are you going?"_

_She straightened her skirt as she spoke. "You're right. I'm going to apologize, but first I have to find out why the hell he thinks it's okay to be dating someone else."_

_She sounded ridiculous, but Emily knew there was going to be no way to stop her. "I didn't mean apologize right now!" But it was too late; Kirsten was already on her way over._

_Sandy saw her approaching and knew no good was going to come of this. She looked incredible and she had this look in her eye like she had a mission to complete. She didn't make eye contact with Sandy at all. "Hi. I'm Kirsten." She reached out her hand to shake the girl's, even though she couldn't give two craps less about her. She wanted to be polite if she was going to ambush his date. "Would you mind if I talked to Sandy for a minute outside?" _

_Sandy couldn't believe her. Had she finally lost her mind completely? He didn't want to cause a scene, knowing Kirsten had been drinking. He looked back at his date as he spoke softly. "Excuse me, one second?" He was basically asking if she was okay with it. When she nodded, he reassured her. "I'll be right back."_

_When they got outside and the fresh air hit her, Kirsten felt as if she sobered up and didn't know what to say. As she turned to face him, he looked annoyed. She was hoping he would start speaking first. _

_"Well you called me out here, if there is something you have to say, just say it." Even if he really didn't care about his date, he didn't want to be rude. She knew who Kirsten was. Everyone knew they used to be a couple. _

_The anger returned when she thought about the fact that he was well on the road to recovery over their break up. "What are you doing?"_

_"Huh?"_

_"With her? What are you doing?"_

_"I'm having dinner. What does it look like?" He snapped back._

_"I just don't understand how you could be moving on so quickly. I just don't get how you could be so over us that you want to be with someone else already."_

_"Don't make assumptions, Kirsten. Besides, you are the one who broke up with me in case you forgot."_

_"I didn't forget. It's all I can think about!" She raised her voice to get her point across. "You, on the other hand, couldn't care less."_

_"I said don't make assumptions!" He was completely frustrated with her. "You think it has been easy on me? You think I am okay with the fact that you never actually trusted me? It was your fault we broke up, not mine. So excuse me for trying to move on!" He was struggling to control his anger._

_"Well maybe I don't want you to!" She screamed back, before putting her head down embarrassed that she revealed such a concept._

_"What?" He was shocked._

_"I don't want you to move on. I don't want you to date someone else. I don't want you to forget about how great things were between us. I don't want to completely give up on us."_

_"Kirsten, you broke up with me. I didn't want things to end, but you didn't trust me. You didn't believe me when I told you nothing was going on with Rebecca. If you can't put your faith in me, then what's the point?"_

_"I'm putting my faith in you now!"_

_"What are you saying, Kirsten? He knew what she was getting at, but he wanted to hear her say it, admit it. Deep down he was thrilled, but he had to make sure she wanted this as bad as he did. He waited for her to speak and when no words were spoken, he interrupted her thoughts. "I have to go. I'm on a date and don't want to be rude." _

_She watched him walk away from her and to another woman and she wished she spoke up. She wished she could verbalize what went through her mind, but she and Sandy never needed words before. They always were on the same page and being put on the spot to announce her feelings was not something that flowed easily with her._

_Later that night she was in bed thinking of what she had to do and say to get Sandy back. She could do that. She could tell him that she loved him and didn't want to live another day without him. She just had to build up the courage._

_She heard a knock on her door and then she glanced at the clock. Who could be here at one in the morning, she thought annoyed that she had to get up and answer._

_She pulled open the door and couldn't believe Sandy was standing there looking as anxious as she felt. _

_"What are you doing here?" She asked, so happy he was making the effort even though she knew she didn't deserve it._

_"I'm here giving you one chance to tell me what you meant before."_

_"What?" She was confused, not knowing what he was expecting her to say._

_"Why do you want to put faith in me now? I need to hear you say it Kirsten, otherwise I can't take another chance on you." He saw that she was struggling with the words and wanted her to do the right thing so badly he decided to help her along. "I couldn't even finish my date with that poor girl because my mind was on you the whole time. Tell me what you want."_

"I want you. Are you happy? Is that what you want to hear? I can't move on without you. I don't want to move on without you. I don't want to be with anyone else and I certainly don't want anyone else with you. I want you to pick me. I want to put all my faith in you and get over my trust issues. I just want you." He could barely hear the last party because she was so embarrassed.

_She barely finished her speech before he pulled her into his arms, holding her tight never wanting to let her go. His lips attacked hers because it had been weeks since their last kiss. He missed the taste of her lips and the feel of her body against his. He pushed her against the wall as he broke the kiss, staring straight into her eyes. "Was that so hard?" He whispered as he moved his lips down her jaw line and to her neck._

_"You have no idea." She said, groaning as he hit that spot that drove her wild._

_His lips moved back to hers and he started to tug at the clothing that was just getting in the way at this point. As buttons popped and clothes slid to the floor, he had to mention his feelings to her. "I would have never gotten over you anyway." And that summed it all up._

As she made her way back to the kitchen, she wondered if the ending to this new disaster in their life would turn out the same way. She could only hope. She missed him emotionally and physically. She wanted him the way she wanted him that night, so desperately. Before her mind wandered further, the doorbell rang and the food arrived. She looked for Sandy to see if he went to answer it, but she spotted him lurking outside the pool house.

Sandy went to call the boys to come in for dinner, but stopped in his tracks when he started to overhear their conversation.

"All I'm saying man, is that something had to have happened if they decided to tale a break from each other. It just doesn't make sense, right?" Seth was asking Ryan to dissect the situation, but Ryan wanted no part of it.

"I don't know Seth, maybe sometimes couples need a break."

"It can't be that simple. One minute they are all over each other, making us sick with all of their slobbering, and the next they don't want to be in each other's company."

"That's not true." Why did Seth have to try and be a detective? He had to fix his train of thought on a different track. "Your dad is here every night for dinner. He wants us all to remain a family."

As Sandy listened to Ryan defend their family, he felt such a deep sense of pride that it was Ryan who understood him so well.

"So you think it was my Dad who caused this? He is the one who moved out and he is the one trying to hold everything together." Seth thought he was onto something.

"No Seth." Ryan said a little too quickly and Seth noticed as well as Sandy. Ryan recovered quickly, not wanting to give away that he knew anything. "I just don't think that making assumptions is going to get you anywhere."

"So you think it was my mom?" Seth kept digging.

"I don't know anything Seth. You should just leave it between the two of them to figure out."

"Maybe, but you have to admit that the whole situation is weird."

Ryan moved himself away from Seth and closer to the door as he mumbled, "You have no idea."

"What?" Seth didn't hear him, but Sandy certainly did.

"Nothing." He turned to face Seth to get his point across. "Sometimes, I just think there are things we are better off not knowing." Ryan hoped those words would sink in to Seth's brain. He knew Seth would never forgive Kirsten if he ever found out the truth.

"What do you think is going to happen?" He continued. "It can't stay like this forever. My dad is already showing up later and leaving earlier. Can you imagine if they start dating other people? How weird would that be?"

That shook Sandy right out his trance. He didn't need to hear his sons' positions on dating since he already crossed that bridge. He was having enough trouble with it, so he decided to make himself visible.

"Hey guys. Dinner's here."

Seth smiled happy to see his father, but Ryan just stared wondering how long he had been standing there.

Seth started making his way to the main house and Ryan's skin tone went from flushed to pale in a matter of seconds. Sandy noticed immediately. "You okay?" He put his hand on one of Ryan's broad shoulders.

"Yeah fine." He looked anywhere, but into Sandy's eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Sandy knew this was a long shot in the dark.

"I think Seth does. He has a lot of questions."

"And you don't?"

Ryan didn't want to let on that he already knew all the answers, but when he didn't say anything, Sandy figured he knew more about it than he was letting on. Ryan started feeling uneasy under his stare. Sandy could always read him like an open book. "If my life in Chino taught me one thing, it was to never get involved." Ryan walked past Sandy, hurrying to the safe haven of the house, afraid Sandy would find out the real reason why Kirsten told him about the affair in the first place.

Everyone was silent through dinner, all lost in their own thoughts. Seth was still trying to piece together what was going on, a million scenarios running through his mind. Sandy's thoughts were on Ryan and how his hesitations and his murmurs spoke volumes. Kirsten was sadly reminiscing of the passion she would never get to unleash on Sandy again. Ryan was trying to read Sandy's mind to figure out if he gave anything away back at the pool house.

"How long is this going to go on?" Seth broke the silence.

"Seth!" Ryan didn't want this conversation to take place.

"What?" Kirsten asked, playing dumb.

"You two." He said looking back and forth between his parents. "Are you guys splitting up for good? And if so, why are we putting ourselves through these tense-filled treacherous dinners that no one seems to be enjoying?"

"That's enough Seth!" Sandy didn't want to have this conversation with either of his sons.

"I'm sorry for stating the obvious here, but come on. We all gather here night after night wondering what the next night is going to hold for us. The will they or won't they suspense is killing me.I just wish the two of you would make up your mind of what our future holds."

"It's not that simple." Ryan blurted out and all head turned in his direction.

"Ryan!" Kirsten spoke softly, giving Ryan a look to keep his mouth shut, hoping Sandy wouldn't notice.

"If Ryan has something to say, let him speak Kirsten."

"I don't." He whispered, his eyes glued to the floor.

Kirsten needed to divert Sandy's attention and address Seth's concerns. "We don't know what is going to happen. We are taking our time trying to figure things out and exploring new things. Your father has a date, so I doubt a reunion between the two of us will happen any time soon." The second Kirsten recognized the shock and hurt in Seth's eyes, she knew she said too much.

"Kirsten!" Sandy called from across the table.

"Is that true?" Seth turned his attention back to Sandy.

"It's not a date. I'm just having dinner with someone." Sandy kept his eyes fixed on Kirsten, letting her know he was pissed.

Seth pushed his chair back, deciding he had enough. "I never thought I would say this but I'm actually going to miss catching you two together all the time." With that he stormed up the steps, not wanting to think about the fact that his parent's relationship was going in the wrong direction.

Sandy and Kirsten both watched their son storm off to his room, understanding his disappointment in the two of them.

"May I be excused?" Ryan asked as if he was afraid to make a move. It reminded Sandy of all the times in his life dinner ended with him in fear.

"Yes. Of course." Sandy said as he kept his eyes. "Ryan, please talk to me if there is anything you want to get off your chest." He was trying to reassure Ryan that he could talk to him about anything, including what he might know about Kirsten.

"Okay." He mumbled as he headed out to the pool house.

Sandy turned his attention back toward Kirsten. "Was that necessary?" He was referring to the fact that Kirsten told the boys about his date before he even got the chance.

"I'm sorry."

"About what this time?" He snapped.

"It just came out. I just wanted someone on my side to hate you for dating."

"Let's not talk about the boys taking sides because I have a pretty good idea of whose side they would be on."

"You're right."

"By the way, Ryan seems like he knows more than what he is letting on, right?"

"Maybe." Kirsten lied.

"That kid is a mystery to me sometimes."

"Not like Seth." She laughed, loving how well they knew their son to express every thought that enters his mind.

"Who would have thought he would miss yelling at us? He's been doing it so long now, you think he'd be bored with it by now." They thought back to the first time Seth yelled at them for catching them in the act.

_Seth was almost six years old and they had just moved to Newport. Sandy started his new job that day and Kirsten was starting to stay late at the office, trying to prove herself to her father. Seth was constantly complaining how much he hated everything about Newport, including the size of their new house._

_"It's so big, I rarely see you guys anymore." He told Sandy once._

_Kirsten tried to get home at a reasonable hour to spend some time with Sandy after his big day. It was almost nine when she walked through the door. Her feet followed the noice toward the kitchen, seeing Sandy sitting at the kitchen table going through some paperwork._

_"Hey." She said softly not to scare him._

_"Hey." He said back tiredly._

_"Is Seth in bed already?" She hated not seeing him when she got home, but tonight was an exception._

_She walked over to the table and pushed some of the papers and folders away from the spot directly in front of him, placing herself there instead. He looked up at her wondering what she was planning on doing when she placed both her legs on either side of him._

_"I have been thinking about you all day today." She leaned in and kissed him, her tongue begging for entrance. Hers hands brushed through his hair and his rested on her hips._

_He pulled back, staring at his beautiful wife, wonder how he got so lucky. "Yeah? What were you thinking about?" _

_She slid her ass off the table and onto his lap, her legs now straddling his hips. "This." She simply said. She leaned into to kiss him again, grinding her hips against his groin, urging him to grow beneath her. His hands moved from her back to her ass and a breast. Breaking the kiss, he moved his lips to her neck. "How'd it go today?" She barely got out._

_His hands moved to the hem of her shirt and, in one swift movement, lifted it over her head. His eyes were glued to her breasts, loving the black lace bra that barely hid her nipples. "It went well." He pulled the lace down to the under wire and his mouth sought out her points._

_She moaned, still trying to hold up her end of their conversation. "Good. I knew it would be okay." She pulled his head away from her chest, wanting to taste his lips again. As their tongues swirled, Kirsten moved her hand to his pants, unbuttoning them. _

_"How was your day?" He asked when he broke the kiss, loving how it felt to have her hands desperately wanting to get inside his pants. He picked her up, placing her gently on the table. He helped her along pushing his pants and boxers down to his ankles. He started kissing her again, cupping his hand in between her legs. _

_She moaned wanting to get rid of all the clothing fast. "I wanted to get home earlier, but you know my dad." She pushed his hand away, undressing herself for him. The minute he saw the sexy thin lined trail of hair to this destination, his two fingers pulsated inside of her. _

_"I know he would just love me doing this to his daughter." He inserted another finger._

_They didn't hear Seth come down the stair over their heavy breathing, loud moaning and rocking movements. _

_"Mommy, are you okay?" Seth asked from doorway, looking at his parents, wondering what the heck they were doing._

_Kirsten pushed Sandy as hard as she could off of her, trying to gather her clothes before he was scarred for life. "I'm fine sweetie."_

_"Daddy, what are you doing?" Seth was so observant._

_"Ummm, Mommy and I were just wrestling. You know, like you see on television."_

_Kirsten gave him a look; he's smarter than that._

_"Daddy, you must have been winning, because mommy sounded like she was in pain."_

_Sandy shot her a look back; told you so._

_It was for a long while later that Seth revealed that day started his paralyzing self-doubt and insecurities._

They both smiled at each other, knowing they were thinking the same thing. "We never did need words." She simply stated.

He missed his healthy marriage, where he could just scoop her into his arms and push everything off the table in front of them. It was hard to put those days behind him. "I'm going to go." He started to get up.

She got up with him. "I'm sorry, Sandy. I should have never said anything about your date."

"I guess it's better that you did. It's better that they know."

"Well I hope you have a miserable time." She joked. "Am I allowed to say that?"

"You can say anything you want as long as it's the truth." He said hoping she would truly believe that, wishing she had done that from the beginning.

He made his way toward the door, and instead of following him, she stayed in her seat. She knew that after the events of this evening, there was no point hoping he would miraculously turn around and come back to her.

She saw herself through his eyes while he spoke to Jimmy. She read the hurt in Seth's eyes when he found out Sandy was starting to date. She watched Ryan glance over at Sandy with uncertainty, fearing it was his fault their family was falling apart.

Her head told her that it was over. Their marriage would never be able to go back to exactly the way it was. Her heart on the other hand, didn't want to believe that was true. She promised Ryan that she would fight and she planned to do exactly that with every strength of her being.


	17. How To Hate You?

_**Hey Everyone - I just wanted to thank all of you who have been reviewing. It really makes writing this story very rewarding. I can only ask for all you Kandy fans to remain patient and ride this story out until the end. I am glad many of you are feeling sorry for Kirsten even though she did the unthinkable. My goal is for the reader not to hate her, but for Sandy to forgive her. **_

_**There is not very much Seth and Ryan in this story because I do not write those characters well. I recognize my weakness and shy away from it at all costs. **_

Everyone seems to be enjoying the flashbacks so I am going to try and continue them in each chapter. I like writing them more than the story sometimes. Someone asked me how long this story is going to be, and to be honest, I have no idea. I know what I want to write but I never know how many chapters it will break up into. There is much more to come though!!!

Sandy would be lying if he didn't think about a reunion with Kirsten. He wanted nothing more than to put his anger behind him and move toward a resolution. He missed his Kirsten. The only woman who had the ability to stimulate him physically and emotionally was someone completely different in his eyes. He wanted to go back to the time when he thought she was perfect. He wanted to look into her eyes with admiration and pure love, not with angered bewilderment.

He missed the days where he came home and the first thing he wanted was to feel her in his arms. He missed seeing her face when he would show up in her office unannounced, just because he missed her. He missed all the hidden touches underneath the dinner table, trying to pass the time while dining with her father. Most of all, he missed her rolling on top of him to keep him from surfing in the morning. Their marriage was defined as a culmination of all the these little things that meant the world to him.

The meaning of things decreased significantly when he found out his wife wasn't perfect. She wasn't the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect daughter. She was a lying, adulterous and conniving person. He had to keep telling himself that every time he wanted to touch her hand, kiss her lips and hug her tightly.

Saturday night came a little too quickly for Sandy. He was taking Nicole to dinner and he never felt more out of his element than he did right now. He hadn't dated anyone for over twenty years and that thought was unsettling. The only thing he had going his way was that Nicole didn't expect much. She had been very nonchalant about what she wanted between them, making the transition from married to single a little bit easier on him.

By late afternoon his nerves got the best of him and he actually thought about canceling. He didn't remember being this nervous when he went on his first date with Kirsten. He was also a lot younger then and knew exactly where he wanted that date to go.

_After their first kiss in front of her dorm, Sandy knew he wanted to kiss this girl forever. Sparks flew and a simple kiss had him anticipating so many more great things to come. He knew she came from money and wanted to impress her so she would never forget their first date. He thought about taking her to a fancy restaurant and give her all the luxuries she was used to, but that wouldn't have been him. He knew he couldn't offer her all the finer things in life. He had to be true to himself and that meant impressing her with his charm, humor and intelligence. He figured he had nothing to lose. If she had a good time, it wouldn't be at the worth of a enormous financial expense. It would be because she liked him for him. If she had a terrible time, then they were never meant to be anyway._

_He invited her over for some cheap wine and bad pizza. Little did she know he lived in the back of a mail truck and would be spending her evening eating on an old mattress in a cramped space with no electricity. _

_He walked to her dorm room, not wanting to disclose where they were going, afraid she would have never agreed. As she buzzed him into the building, he made his way to the front door of her room. He knocked softly, feeling pretty good about tonight. _

_When she opened the door, she took his breath away. She was dressed in a skirt, blouse and heels and suddenly his self-confidence went down the drain. His ripped jeans and soft grey t-shirt just didn't seem to be up to par for this girl. She smiled when she opened the door, but that faded fast as she looked him up and down from head to toe. She looked like she was going to be sick._

_"Hi. Wow. You look amazing and I feel like an idiot right now." He wore his heart on his sleeve._

_"Are you calling this off?" She asked, a little frightened._

_"No!" He said a little too quickly. "I guess I should have been more clear about what we were doing tonight."_

_She smiled, relief washing over. "I'm the one who should feel like an idiot. I wasn't sure what we were doing, but if you are telling me I don't have to wear these heals, my feet thank you." She bent over, her hands working to unstrap the uncomfortable shoes._

_He expected her to be completely disappointed, but instead she told him she was just going to change and then they could go. His self-confidence returned, now convinced this girl was the one for him._

_Ten minutes later, she emerged from her room and was ready to go. As they walked toward the mail truck, Kirsten's curiosity got the best of her. "So, where are we going anyway?"_

_"You'll find out soon enough." He teased._

_After he had the courage to grab her hand, the fingers intertwined liked they belonged threaded with each other. He stopped when they were across the street from the mail truck and turned her to face him. "I wasn't sure what you wanted to do tonight so I decided to keep it casual and low key."_

_She smiled, falling for him more and more every second. "That's fine."_

_"So I'm going to apologize for two things upfront. First, I'm sorry if your expectations were set higher than what you we are doing tonight." He pointed across the street to the mail truck. "That's where we are having dinner."_

_"Huh?" She looked confused._

_"I know you are going to think this is crazy, but I'm putting it all out on the table now, so if you want to run like hell, you can."_

_"I'm not running anywhere." She saw that he was starting to get a little nervous._

_They started walking toward the truck. "This is where I live and I figured we could have dinner here."_

_He lifted the back door of the truck and she saw a serving tray set up with pizza and two pillows for them to sit on. He climbed into the truck and lit what felt like a million candles and she knew from that moment that he was quite the romantic. After he set up the space, he climbed back out to her. "Ready to run now?"_

_"Nope. This is so different, you have me intrigued." She was not going anywhere._

_"Good." He took her hand ready to help her into the truck, but she held back which caused him some concern._

_"What is the second apology for?" She was definitely flirting._

_He pulled her close to his body and cupped her delicate face with his hands. He leaned in and kissed her, unleashing an enormous amount of passion. Just when he was about to pull back, he felt her lips part, urging him to deepen the kiss. He couldn't help himself and slid his tongue in her mouth, slowly backing her up to the truck. When she couldn't go back any further, he pulled away, looking deep into her eyes. "I'm sorry if you didn't want me to do that, but it would have killed me to wait until the end of the date."_

_She leaned off the truck and pushed her body against kiss, capturing his lips. She loved how full his lips were and that he knew how to use them. When she pulled back, she spun around and hopped into the truck. "You can do that anytime you want."_

As Sandy finished getting ready, he knew this date was not going to go half as well as it did the last time he was on a first date. He almost didn't want it to go well so he could say he, at least, tried. Nicole took control of planning the date since Sandy had no idea how things worked anymore. She suggested that they just meet at the restaurant, knowing Sandy was a little out of his element and didn't want him to feel added pressure. She knew that this was a huge step for him and she didn't want him to worry or get too nervous where he would back out.

Nicole wasn't stupid. She knew Sandy just split from Kirsten and it was really quick for him to be back in the field again. She knew he loved his wife and what had happened to him was heart wrenching. Everyone knew how very much in love they were, always having eyes admire their relationship at all Newpsie functions. Nicole just thought he was a nice guy. There weren't many genuinely nice guys out there, so she was just hoping to get to know him better. Her intentions were as simple as that.

When Sandy arrived at the restaurant, he spotted Nicole already seated at the table. He couldn't believe she was there already. He didn't think Kirsten ever arrived anywhere before him. As he approached her, he didn't know whether to give her a kiss on the cheek or just sit down. He opted for the latter feeling uncomfortable about the physical contact.

"Hey." He said as he took a seat across from her. She looked gorgeous, he thought. He was glad she was not like the rest of the Newpsies he knew, with dyed hair, fake nails and too much make-up. She was natural just like his Kirsten.

"Hi."

"I'm sorry you were waiting." He immediately said. "I never thought you would have gotten here early."

"Well, I figured I had to." She said, playfully.

"What do you mean?"

"Well I figured if you showed up and I wasn't here, you would have definitely took off." She was teasing him and he liked that she kept everything between them light.

As he pulled his napkin onto his lap, a habit Kirsten broke him into, he wanted to let her know something about him. "You make a lot of assumptions about me." He smiled, letting her know he wasn't mad.

"Are you saying I'm wrong?" She asked seriously.

"I'm here because I want to be here." He took a sip of water, needing something stronger. "I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous though."

As if the waiter knew what he was thinking, he asked if he wanted anything to drink. After ordering a Jameson on the rocks, he looked across the table wondering why Nicole was trying to fight laughing at him. "What?"

"Well at least you have alcohol to get you through it." She didn't mean it as a negative toward herself. She just meant it referring to this being a difficult situation for him.

He reached across the table and grabbed her hand, just to get his point across. "I told you before, I want to be here."

"I'm glad, even though I'm sure it's not easy. It has to be weird for you, right?"

He loved how honest and direct she was. They were very similar that way. "It would be weird if it wasn't weird, right?"

"Yeah, I guess. I bet you never thought you would be here one day."

He took a sip of his drink, feeling the burn, knowing it would help. "You can say that again."

"Well, you're not the only one who thinks that. Everyone in this whole damn town thought you and Kirsten were one of the infallible couples."

He suddenly started to worry. "Does everyone in this town know that we are separated?" That really wasn't where the worry stemmed from. He never cared what people thought of him.

"If you're worried about if people know what Kirsten did, then don't."

"And you?" He asked.

"Well I know somewhat and I think it is incredibly sweet that you still are worried about her reputation in this town. It very noble of you, although completely misguided."

"Yeah, I know." He said sadly, wishing he had the ability to hate Kirsten for what she did. "What do you mean, you know somewhat? Somewhat of what she did?"

"Do you really want to talk about this?" She asked him, afraid this was too deep of a conversation for a first date.

He thought about that question and he figured there was no better person to talk to this about. He couldn't talk to his sons, he didn't want to talk to his ex-friend, his father-in-law was out of the question, Jason wouldn't understand, so that left her. "Yeah. I think it would be good to hear this."

"Well considering the fact that you guys are madly in love one moment and separating the next leads me to believe that someone cheated and although I barely know you, it had to be Kirsten."

He saw the disappointed look in his eyes and she immediately felt like she said too much. She tried to lighten the mood. "You just seem to much of a loyal guy to do something like that."

"She doesn't seem loyal to you?"

"She wasn't in high school." She revealed to him. "Like I said, I really didn't know her, but everyone saw her cheat on Jimmy when she got drunk at a party one night."

"Really?" Sandy smiled, happy to hear she did it to Jimmy too.

"Why do you have a smug look on your face?" She asked.

"Because it feels so good to know that she hurt him too."

"Well I can understand that. You must really hate him, huh?"

"You have no idea! I wish I could hate her too, but I can't." He said sadly.

"Who could hate her? She is almost perfect. Everyone looked up to her in high school, and now in this community."

"Well things aren't always what they seem." He was referring to her being perfect. No one knew about the fights with her father, the worry she had over her son, the drinking she did when she couldn't deal with things.

That was the last they spoke of Kirsten. The waiter took their order and Sandy took this as the opportunity to find out more about her. He found out she was a delivery nurse for about fifteen years, loving her job of bringing babies into the world. Sandy listened as she spoke with such a passion for what she did, enjoying her company more and more with every second they spent together.

They finished eating and ordered an after dinner drink, both not wanting the evening to end. "So what's the dirt on you?" Sandy finally asked, wanting to lay it all out on the table. "Since you have already sorted through all my dirty laundry, let me see yours."

"Well I once robbed a bank, was sentenced for fifteen years, broke out of prison and have been on the run ever since." She said it with a straight face, but Sandy knew she was joking.

"Very funny. Seriously, there has to be a reason your single."

"Why do you say that?" She flirted.

"Well right now you are seemingly perfect. There has to be something wrong with you." He was the one joking now.

She thought about what to say that wouldn't scare him away. "I guess it boils down to the fact that I am commitment shy. I like my life and they way I run it. I never had to make sacrifices to fit my life with someone else's. Ya know?"

Sandy couldn't have been more pleased. In a way, they were both in the same boat, except Sandy's reasons were caused by Kirsten's infidelity.

He paid the bill and as they exited the restaurant, he wanted to say something to break the silence that was turning into awkward territory. "I feel so out of my realm right now."

"What do you mean?"

"I feel like a bad date. I didn't pick you up and now I am not taking you home. This is all just so weird for me."

"Well you could walk me to my car." She suggested.

As they made their way through the parking lot, he wanted to state his intentions. "I had a good time. It felt nice to get out for a little bit."

"Good. That was the point right?"

He smiled as they arrived at her car. She was so easy going and playful. Although this was the part he was dreading, he was now sort of looking forward to it. "I thought the point was for me to get over the first hump of dating."

"This is me." She pointed to the car. "Thanks for dinner. I had a really good time."

She didn't know what to do, but it was obvious the goodnight kiss was on both their minds. Sandy knew that he wanted to kiss her. Not necessarily because it was her he wanted to kiss, but because it was someone other than Kirsten. He hadn't felt the touch of someone else's lips in over twenty years and he was curious.

Curiosity took over his body and he leaned in a kissed her on the lips. It was short and close mouthed, but it felt pretty good. When she didn't object, curiosity took over once again and he kissed her again. He lingered for a little bit longer this time, now wondering where to put his hands. He felt like a kid, not having a clue what he was doing. Everything with Kirsten came so natural that there was no thought process involved.

Her lips were fuller than Kirsten's and her tongue didn't meet his, like Kirsten's always did. He took a chance wondering how that would feel and pushed the envelope a bit. He rested his hands on her hips, afraid to embrace her in any sort of hug. When he felt her tighten her upper lip around his bottom, he took this as an opportunity to sought out her tongue with his. The second his tongue made contact with hers, she pulled back immediately, her body losing all contact with Sandy, her back now against her car.

Sandy didn't know what to do so he just apologized.

"You don't have to apologize, I just..." She struggled with the words. "I want you to kiss me because you want to kiss me. If I learned anything about tonight, it's that you have a long way to go in the ways of healing. I don't want a kiss between us to mean revenge for Kirsten."

How did she do that? How did she know what he was feeling? "Okay, but in all fairness, it might have started out that way, but it certainly didn't end that way." Sandy was intrigued, although his mind still constantly drifted back to Kirsten.

"Fair enough." She smiled one more time before she turned around to open her car door. Sandy started walking away before he thought about his next move. "Jason tells me you surf." He called back at her before she shut the door.

"I do." She said it in a questioningly manner.

"I'm out there every morning during the week if you want to join me one day."

"I'll think about it" She replied, then shut the door and drove off.

And with that, he survived his first date. He thought about how surprisingly well it went. He figured it was because they were so similar, but he also knew it was because she didn't push him. He wondered if she would show up at the beach. There was really only one place that surfers went so she would definitely know where to find him.

As he went home that night, he thought about Kirsten. It was just his nighttime habit. He missed her most at nights. He wished he and Kirsten shared the same interests. Sometimes they were so different, but he never thought it mattered before. He remembered the one time she actually tried the surfing thing.

_They both loved the first day of school. A summer spent with Seth trapped in the house all the time put a major strain on their sex life. So when that first week in September rolled around, hormones raged in the Cohen house. Sandy's internal clock went off at six am, wanting to get some surfing in before they saw Seth off to school._

_As he pulled the covers off his chest and started to get up, he felt her small hands reach out for his left arm. "Where are you going?"_

_"Where do you think?" He did this every morning._

_"Nah-ah." She pulled his arm back to her hand, forcing his body to lay down next to hers. As his head hit the pillows, she slowly rolled her body on top of his. "Don't you know what today is?"_

_"Yes. That is why I was going to go early so you and I could spend time doing this later." He used his hands to brush the blonde strands that fell around her face._

_"You are not going anywhere. We can start here quietly, and later we can move around to the rest of the soon to be empty house." She said seductively. She leaned down and her lips met his._

_He could never resist her, especially when she got in these kind of moods. "Not so quietly?" He asked, knowing full well how loud she could be when she knew there would be no interruptions._

_"Well that depends on your performance." She was challenging him._

_He was already hard, and lunged into her groin, and she could feel him through their pajamas. "I'm going to challenge the volume of your voice now." _

_About an hour later, they made their way to the kitchen and was met with a sulking Seth. "Morning. I'm going to leave the good out of it. And before you ask, no I'm not excited about the first day of school." Kirsten hated seeing her son like that, but it was something he said every year._

_After Sandy dropped Seth off, he returned to his eager wife and they made the most of their day in an empty house. As they laid on the couch afterwards, Sandy couldn't help but want to go surfing. Ever since they moved to Newport, he just wanted to hit the waves as often as he could, but he certainly didn't want to leave his wife after the things she did to him this morning._

_"Why are you so quiet?" She asked, seeing him deep in thought._

_"No reason."_

_"You are thinking about something." She stated in a questioningly matter._

_He had to sell his idea the best he could. "I was thinking of how hot you would look in a wet suit." She just made a face at him, knowing where this was going. "Come on. Please?" He gave his best puppy dog eyes, trying to convince her._

_"Fine, but I'm not going to guarantee anything." She went to get up and realized she was naked. She grabbed the blanket covering the two of them, wrapped it around her tiny frame and started to walk away. She turned back and stared at Sandy's naked body, just lying in the living room without a care in the world that he had no clothes on. "Are you coming?" _

_"Right behind ya."_

_As they made their way to the beach, he could see that she was having second thoughts. The beach was not crowded and Sandy was thankful. Kirsten was too self-conscious to do anything new if there were others judging and watching. _

_"Are you ready?" He asked pulling her up from the sand._

_"I don't even want to go in the ocean, let alone surf. Do you think I'm ready?"_

_Sandy knew this wasn't going to be good. "Why don't we just start out with a swim? Get you used to the water?"_

_She obliged and the closer they got to the edge of the water, the more scared Kirsten became. Sandy guided her in and once they were waist deep, he pulled her close and held onto her tightly. She instinctively wrapped her arms and legs around him, afraid of the sea creatures that threatened to touch her skin._

_He kissed her lips, and he felt her relax in his arms. "You don't have to do this, ya know?"_

_"I'm trying" She laughed, but was glad he could read her. "Can we please get out now."_

_Sandy never got her back in the ocean, realizing their interests would never be in-line._

The weekend passed so slowly for Kirsten. She knew Sandy had his date on Saturday and couldn't help but wonder what had happened. Did he have fun? Did he kiss her? Did he sleep with her? She knew her husband was very good looking and that most women found him desirable. She used to love when they were at a Newpsie event and women gawked at him. It made her feel like the luckiest one in the room because she was the one he shared the covers with. Now she wasn't feeling so lucky. His good looks were going to work against her now that he was trying to move on.

She buried herself at work all weekend, anticipating meeting the new editor of Julie's magazine. Her father hired some guy because she and Julie had no idea how to launch a magazine. Julie knew something was definitely wrong in the Cohen household, but couldn't imagine it was so bad. She saw the bags under Kirsten's eyes, the swollen eyelids and the constant look of worry on her face.

So after calling the house, she made her way into the office on Sunday. As she approached Kirsten's office and saw the visual of Kirsten's face buried in her hands, she just wanted to help.

"It can't be that bad." Julie said, awaking Kirsten out of her depressed stance.

"Hey Julie. What are you doing here?" Kirsten knew something was up, especially since the Newport Group was the last place Julie would be on a Sunday.

"I came to see you. What are you doing here on Sunday? Shouldn't you be home with Sandy?"

Kirsten sighed, not wanting to get into it, although Julie was probably the only person she could talk to. "I'm just preparing for our meeting tomorrow. We have that editor coming in for a meet and greet at eleven."

Julie knew Kirsten better than that. "What are you really doing here?"

Kirsten wanted to tell Julie everything, but knew she couldn't disclose all the details. It was her husband that she cheated on Sandy with. Even though their marriage was long over, she knew it would still sting if she found out the truth. But she had to talk to someone. "I'm hiding."

"From?" Julie asked.

"My life." She thought that was broad enough, even though it was so true.

"That bad, huh?"

"You have no idea." She thought about what to say next. "Sandy and I are having a rough time. We are taking time apart from each other."

Julie was shocked. She knew something was wrong, but not to the point where she and Sandy were starting to throw in the towel. "Apart? How apart?" When she saw Kirsten hestitate, she knew her friend was struggling with something very deep. "Kirsten, you can talk to me about it. I'll listen if you want and I promise it won't leave this room." She was being sincere and it was nice. "Besides, you have enough dirt on me to last a lifetime." Julie always could lighten a serious situation.

"Sandy moved out about two months ago. Right now our marriage is experiencing a trial separation."

"What?" Julie couldn't believe it. The only couple in Newport that still looked very much in love was splitting up. It didn't make sense. "What happened?"

"Everything. I don't know where to start and frankly, talking about it is only going to make it worse."

"Just summarize it for me. Maybe a different perspective will help." She was really trying.

"Okay. Well, there was an adulterous situation, a lot of harsh words, suitcases packed and daily dinners that suck sitting through."

"Wow." Julie drew her own conclusions. "Well, Sandy is an attractive man and Newpsies always hit on him. I guess it was bound to happen."

Kirsten stared at her, confused. "Newpsies always hit on him?" Kirsten couldn't believe Julie's revelation. Those women are supposed to be her so-called friends.

"Kirsten..." She wanted to ease the information to her. "You know how women in this town are. They are like hungry cougars. You should hear the things they say about your husband. I just never thought Sandy would have given in. He fought off so many of them."

Kirsten couldn't believe that many opportunities were presented to Sandy over all these years. It only made her feel worse. "He didn't. It was me." She said embarrassed, an emotion she knew very well. She didn't want Julie to ask any more questions so she continued. "I came clean and told Sandy and now he is gone."

"Kirsten, I'm so sorry." She was very sincere. Kirsten knew that Julie could understand. Besides she just recently committed adultery against her marriage with Caleb.

"Yeah, well thanks, but it certainly doesn't help." She wanted to tell her what was really bothering her. "He went out on a date with someone last night."

"Really? With who?" This information was not for Julie to gossip, but her curiosity was peaked.

"With some woman named Nicole, a friend of Sandy's co-worker." She was quiet for a moment and Julie knew thoughts of Sandy and this woman were taking over her mind.

"I wouldn't worry. It's just a date."

"I can't believe he is looking for someone else so soon."

"It's Sandy. Like I said, I wouldn't worry." Julie knew that Sandy was a stand up guy. He is too much in love with Kirsten to not make sound decisions.

"What do you mean?"

"No matter what has happened, Sandy will always love you. He is probably just angry and wants to meet new people. I highly doubt he is going to fall in love with the first woman he dates. He's a man. He probably just wants to reclaim himself."

Kirsten thought about Sandy and as much as she hated it, she knew Julie was right. It took Sandy a long time to love her. She knew he didn't fall easily, but reclaiming his manhood was not something she wanted to think about. Would he just have sex with this woman to get even? Did he need to prove he could get some too?

Julie interrupted her thoughts once again. "I know what you are thinking and as hard as it is to think about Sandy moving on, you have to think about yourself too."

"My selfish thinking got me in this situation in the first place." Kirsten hated when things were her own fault.

"You have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. If you and Sandy are taking time apart, then you need to make the most of your time apart. Dwelling over what Sandy is or isn't doing, is not healthy. You have to move on."

"I don't want to move on Julie. I don't want him to go anywhere. I want him to come back to me so badly that I am willing to wait for him. I want him to take as much time as he needs. I want him to forgive me so we can get past all of this."

"I know, but you waiting around for him gives him no incentive to want to come back." Julie knew that this statement would be true for most men. She also knew that Sandy was not most men. Maybe he would value her integrity to wait, but she knew that wasn't fair to Kirsten. "Go home. Get some sleep and I will see you here tomorrow."

The next morning Kirsten was at the office bright and early. She always seemed to be early these days. She didn't have any early morning distractions to keep her bound to the house anymore. She would spend some time with her sons in the morning and then take off. She didn't want to lag around, hoping Sandy would magically come through the front door. She knew those days were long gone.

That's why she was surprised when she saw her father walking down the corridor, conversating with Sandy by his side. As she watched the two of them, she couldn't believe these were the same two men that hated each other years before.

_"He hates me Kirsten. How are you and I supposed to have a serious future if he hates me?"_

_"I love you more than he hates you." She said, hoping that would ease his mind._

_"That may be true, but his opinion means a lot to you and he wants more for you. He wants better."_

_"Sandy, you are the best there is for me. He will realize that someday and until then, you are just going to have to suck it up."_

_"Suck it up? Who talks like that?" He was turning this serious conversation into a joke._

_"I mean it. The matter of you and I splitting up is not negotiable. I'm going to marry you someday Sandy Cohen and my father is not going to get in our way."_

As they approached her office, Kirsten could tell from their demeanor that her father had no idea that their marriage was falling apart. It was weird seeing them on a friendly basis. Since Sandy has helped Caleb out of million jams, he finally felt he was worthy of the Nichol empire that would one day be theirs.

"Kiki, Sandy's here. I'd like to think he came by with honorable intentions, but I doubt it." Caleb always had to sound like he was in charge.

Kirsten pushed her chair back and got up, but stood behind her desk. She didn't know how to play this charade. "Hi." She said with a surprised tone in her voice.

Caleb knew his daughter and sensed the uncomfortableness between them. "Well, I leave you two alone." As he exited, he turned around noticing the physical distance still between them. "The door stays open. This is still a professional office." He tried to make a joke, but only made the tension in the air thicken.

Sandy watched to make sure Caleb was out of ear shot. "Sorry, I came here, but I took your keys the other night by mistake. I know you have spares but figured you might need some of your office ones."

"I have spares." That was all she could get out. There were too many things invading her brain to formulate a more educated sentence.

Sandy was always the one to break the silence. "So I guess your father has no idea about us, huh?" He said smiling a little.

"Well would you want to tell my father, if you were in my shoes?" She asked, smiling back.

"No. Not really." He laughed out loud now.

"I miss you." She blurted out. "I just want you to know that there isn't a second that goes by that I don't miss you."

His curved lips straightened out. "I miss you too."

Kirsten was so glad he said that. Now she just wished he would say he was coming home. "How was your date?"

He made a face, telling her not to ask. "Kirsten..."

"I know it's none of my business, but it's killing me that you went out with another woman. Do you have any idea how hard this is for me?"

"Do you have any idea how hard this is for ME?" He shot back. She put her head down, knowing it must be difficult.

"I'm sorry. I just need to hear that you haven't fallen in love and are leaving me for good."

"I haven't fallen in love." He said sincerely. "I promised you if it got serious, I would tell you. Otherwise, this is not something I want to talk about with you. It's too weird for me."

"Okay." She wanted to change the subject. "Dinner tonight right?"

Before Sandy could answer, Caleb walked back into Kirsten's office with Julie and some other man in tow. Caleb knew something was wrong when he turned the corner of the hallway to see Kirsten's office door still open. She and Sandy always had their conversations behind closed doors. He assumed it was conversations, because anything else was unthinkable.

"Sanford, you're still here?"

"I was just leaving." He said, turning his back toward Kirsten and facing Caleb.

"Carter Buckley, this is my son-in-law, Sandy Cohen and my daughter Kirsten Nichol Cohen." Caleb made the introductions and always threw the Nichol part of her name out there.

Julie gave Kirsten a look, wondering what Sandy was doing there. She was hoping that was a good sign, but the physical distance between them spoke volumes since they were always on top of each other. Kirsten gave her a look back saying that it was nothing to report. Only women could have unspoken conversations.

Sandy, always being a gentleman, shook Carter's hand and said hello. Kirsten finally moved from behind her desk and shook Carter's hand as well, now standing next to Sandy. He couldn't help but notice how this man stared at his wife. I should be used to it by now, he thought.

"I'm going to go. I have an afternoon court date." As he made his way toward the door, Caleb noticed that he didn't kiss Kirsten or even say good-bye.

"Sandy!" Kirsten called after him. "See you tonight?" She said it such a hopeful matter, everyone in the room could feel the tension.

Sandy stopped in his tracks, remembering that no one knew the inner workings of his marriage. He made his way back over to his wife, keeping a hold of her eyes with his own. Without a second thought, he cupped her face and kissed square on the mouth. Kirsten's whole body tensed and instead of enjoying the moment, she stiffened at the thought of everybody watching.

"Yes. I'll see you at dinner." He said when he pulled back.

Carter just watched the whole display going on in front of him and drew his own conclusions. If he knew anything at all, it was how people acted in an unhappy marriage. Caleb noticed Kirsten's uncomfortableness instantly and made a mental note to get to the bottom of all of their weird behavior.

As evening approached, Kirsten thought the day went rather well. The meeting with Carter went well, putting a lot of great ideas on the table. She didn't have many callbacks to make. And that kiss. Any day she got to kiss Sandy, she would consider a wonderful day. Something that she just took for granted, was now something she savored. She just wished instead of being shocked, she would have enjoyed it.

As she picked up her purse and leaned over to her computer to log off, she heard a knock at the door. She looked up and saw Carter leaning against the doorframe. "Can I help you?" She said in her best professional voice.

"Business hours are over, Kirsten." He joked.

"Sorry. Did you need something?" She asked, trying to hurry this conversation along. She wanted to get home and spend time with her family.

"I thought we could bounce some ideas over dinner." She felt like he was asking her out. "Maybe order a really nice bottle of wine." As he continued, she realized he was definitely asking her out.

"What are you doing?" She asked, almost laughing at his innocence.

"What do you think?" He asked, not so innocently.

"I think you are asking me out."

"And if I was?" He asked hoping she would say yes.

"I would tell you that I'm married." She laughed again, thinking this guy was crazy. Did he not remember meeting her husband a few hours ago?

"Not happily!" He replied.

Maybe he wasn't crazy, just smart, she thought. "Excuse me?" She said, a little offended.

"Well if there is anything I can recognize a mile away, it is two people very uncomfortable in a marriage."

She looked at him shocked. The audacity of this guy was appalling. "I don't know what your talking about." She said, making her way out of her office and down the long hallway.

He followed behind her. "Unfortunately I do. I'm sadly a victim of divorce."

She stopped in her tracks, realizing that this man had feelings too. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not. My ex could be a bitch."

"So could I." She smiled, for the first time since this banter started. She looked at her watch, knowing she was already late. "I really have to go though. Believe it or not, I'm late to dinner with my husband and sons."

She continued walking by, but he called back to her. "Maybe tomorrow then?"

She called back. "Maybe."

Dinner started the same as usual. Everyone catching up with each other, discussing their weekends. Everything was fine until Seth opened his mouth. "So Dad how was your date?"

Kirsten's head shot up, not understanding why Seth would ask. "Seth!"

"What?" He asked, feigning innocence. "If we are all going to pretend like it's okay that you two are doing this whole separation thing, then it should be okay to ask about what's going on in your personal lives."

"Seth, it's none of our business." Ryan said quietly.

"He's right Seth." Sandy jumped in. He didn't want Kirsten to hear the details. "I will tell you what I told your mother. If there is anything to report, I will."

"So, when are we going to meet her?" Seth wasn't going to let this go.

"You want to meet her?" Kirsten asking, obviously hurt.

"Sure! If we are all going to be one big happy family, we should include all members, right?"

"That's enough!" Sandy was starting to lose his temper.

"Mom, maybe if you're with someone too, we can invite them all to the house. You guys can compare sex stories."

"Go to your room Seth." Kirsten said, staring at the table.

"Thank you! Now I know how to be excused from these sorry dinners." He pushed his chair back and headed up the steps.

"I'm going to talk to him." Ryan said and pushed his chair back as well.

Sandy and Kirsten just stared at each other in disbelief. "What are we going to do about him?" She asked, afraid they were really screwing up their son.

"I don't know, but hopefully Ryan can talk some sense in him." Sandy thought about what to say next and figured he owed her an apology. "I'm sorry about this morning."

Kirsten looked at him, trying to figure out what he meant.

"The kiss." He clarified. "I saw your father looking at us funny and it seemed like the right thing to do at ..."

Kirsten interrupted him. "Please don't apologize for that. You can kiss me whenever you want."

"It can't keep happening." He stated and Kirsten's face fell. "You know it can't. It only makes things more difficult." He needed to ask her what was on her mind. "When are we going to stop this whole charade?"

"Wow. Your date must have went really well." She snapped.

"This has nothing to do with Nicole. This has to do with you and me. You know I hate lying."

"I rather live a lie with you than live in reality without you."

"I can't live like that. I'm sorry. I need to know when we are going to start telling people."

"Why? Since when do you care what people think in this town?" She knew there was more to this.

"I don't. Never mind. We don't have to tell anyone. I just am trying to move on and I just thought it might help make it a reality."

"I don't want to move on." She was almost in tears. "Do you know I was asked out today on a date? I didn't know what to do."

Sandy's heart leaped into his throat. He never thought about the fact that Kirsten too, would have to be allowed to date as well. "What did you say?" He was afraid of this answer.

"I told him I had dinner plans with my husband and sons. I didn't want to say yes. I wanted to tell him that I was happily married, but I couldn't."

Sandy got up, not wanting to hear anymore. "You should have said yes." Sandy broke his stare and started to head toward the door. "It will make it easier on the both of us if you move on too." Sandy figured if Kirsten started dating and ripped his heart out a little bit more, he would hate her enough to walk away.

She wouldn't let him go like that. She followed him to the front door, and tugged at his arm. "I'm not the one that is going to put the final nail in this coffin Sandy. I'm going to wait for you to come back to me. I'm not going anywhere."

"Dammit Kirsten!" He raised his voice. "We wouldn't be here in the first place if you could have kept your pants on."

"I'm not going to make this easy for you Sandy." She yelled back, clearly ready to fight. "I'm not going to move on and date other people so you can justify your own actions. You can do whatever you want, but until you tell me that we are definitely through, that twenty years of marriage isn't enough, that all these years we didn't love each other, I'm holding my ground. I'm willing to fight for you, for us, for the boys." As her voice grew louder, her body moved closer to his.

"I want to hate you Kirsten." He whispered, as their noses almost touched.

"Yeah, but the fact that you can't must mean something." She quickly grabbed his face in her hands. There was no turning back. She pushed her entire body against his and pulled him down toward her. She kissed him hard, passion resuming like there was nothing wrong between them.

He wanted to stop but she felt so good. He wanted to pull away, but it had been too long. He spun her around and pushed her back against the front door of their home. He opened his mouth, his tongue searching for hers. She met it at lightning speed, wanting to take this further, to take it all the way back to their bedroom.

Suddenly Sandy realized what he was doing and his whole body tensed. He pulled back from her. His entire body losing contact. Lips, arms, waists and groin completely alone again. "I'm sorry." He said as he stared at her and then at the ground. "I kissed Nicole the other night."

Kirsten just stared at him, not understanding why he was telling her this, especially now. "What?"

He started backing away from her, almost scared. "I kissed someone else." He whispered. "I kissed her like that." He said referring to the kiss they just shared.

Kirsten never loved him more than she did right at that very moment. She moved her back away from the door and toward him. She placed her hands on his face, getting his full attention as her eyes held his. "It's okay Sandy."

"No it's not. Nothing about this is okay." He said sadly.

"I don't care about any of it. I trust you when you said you would tell me anything I would need to know. So you kissed her. I don't care!"

"You might not care, but I do, Kirsten. I can't sort through what anything means anymore. I'm trying to move on and you keep sucking me back in. I kissed Nicole and it felt good. That scares me Kirsten! It scares me to think I can move on without you."

She let go of his face, realizing that he was really struggling with his emotions. She backed away and moved to the side, clearing a path to the front door. "You're right. You should go."

Sandy walked through the front door and slammed it behind him. He hated himself for kissing Kirsten. He hated that he wanted her so badly. He hated that he was such an honest person and was going to have to tell Nicole about this. He really liked her, but how was a woman he just met suppose to compare to his wife of twenty years. His unfaithful wife!!

_**Pretty Please – Hit That Button!!!**_


	18. Two Steps Back

_**Once again, you guys rock my world with your reviews. I was just trying to map this story out and it seems that there are many more chapters to come. Hope you guys are enjoying it and keep reading until the end.**_

_**JennylovesKandy - I assume you crying is a good thing, right?**_

_**SexyEm - Thanks for giving me permission to do Carsten, although I think I'm going to lose all my faithful reviewers if I take it too far.**_

_**Drtyxlilxsecrtx - I think you are the first ever to quote something I wrote. Thanks!**_

_**Bluetoffee - I'm not sure yet if Julie is going to find out it was Jimmy. Still debating that one.**_

_**Cheerleader2006 - Favorite story? Wow. I thought my other one (Playing Games) was so much better.**_

_**KrabbyPatty - Thanks for letting me know a few chapters ago what AU means. For all those who asked me, it's Alternate Universe.**_

_**The flashbacks will continue and please let me know if there is anything special you would like to see happen.**_

Two months had gone by since that passionate kiss. Two months felt like an eternity to Kirsten. Since their first kiss, they had never gone this long without any physical contact. She missed him so much that it actually hurt. Her whole body felt stiff and sore and not in the way she wished it did. She felt like an old lady. Not being desired by someone morning, noon and night was not something she was used to. Only with time had she realized that he was the reason she always felt sexy. He was the reason she held herself high with self-confidence.

Sandy, on the other hand, felt like that fateful kiss with Kirsten just happened. Whenever he did something wrong, he carried it around with him forever. Remembering it so vividly, he wished it never happened. Not because it didn't feel good or right, but because that kiss contradicted everything he was trying to do.

Nicole did meet him in the morning to surf that first week after their date. He couldn't help but be pleased that she made the effort, especially since she was the one to break the contact of their first kiss. He wasn't really sure where he stood with her after that. But she showed up and they surfed, grabbed breakfast together and discussing what had happened. Sandy then realized that Nicole was right. He wasn't ready for anything serious and she wanted the same thing.

Nicole's personality made it easy for him to tell her about his kiss with Kirsten. He didn't want to hide anything from her, although telling her only proved her theory right. She never was going to let him live it down.

They spent a lot more time together as the weeks passed and she was making it easier and easier for him not to dwell on Kirsten. Not that he didn't miss his Kirsten! He missed her with his whole heart and it hurt that he was sharing his daily events with another woman. He couldn't help but wonder if Kirsten was doing the same.

Although the emotional part of their relationship was taking off, the physical part was at a standstill. Nicole didn't push him, plus he was still so hesitant. They shared most of their kisses in the morning waters, while sitting on their surfboards. It seemed safe. No one they knew was around, plus they both knew they couldn't get too carried away.

Nighttime was the time for hesitation. Good night kisses seemed to be strained, both afraid to see where it might lead them. Some nights they would say their goodbyes with no contact at all. Sandy liked it that way. He wasn't sure if he was ready to be sexually invested in someone else already, although as time passed it was becoming a struggling fight to win. He couldn't ignore the twinge in his pants every time they kissed. He just didn't know if it was because he just missed sex or if he really wanted it with Nicole.

Sandy and Kirsten no longer spoke about that part of their lives. It was just too hard. Kirsten trusted that Sandy would tell her if he was getting serious with Nicole. Although it killed her to know the details, she knew she couldn't handle it if he told her the play by play. It would slowly break her heart over time; unlike the way she crushed his in the matter of seconds.

Sandy never asked about Kirsten's personal life. He didn't want to know what she was doing, but he had a feeling it was nothing. He knew she was doing everything in her power to be patient and give him time, hoping they would reunite.

What Sandy didn't know was that Carter had become a constant in her life. They were just friends and Kirsten was doing everything in her power to keep it that way. She fought off all the sexual tension that was building, knowing if she cracked that would be the end of her marriage. She missed Sandy terribly and wished he would come back to her soon. In the meanwhile, she was grateful for the attention Carter was giving her. She missed being looked at with a sense of hunger in an admirer's eyes. It felt good to be wanted in a sexual way, since Sandy's eyes spoke volumes of his utter confusion toward her.

Their nightly dinners were becoming few and far between. Twice a week would be a lot if all four of them were present. Sandy found that taking Nicole out for drinks and playful banter was much more enticing than sitting around a table wishing Kirsten never broke his family apart. Plus, Seth was an entire other issue to deal with. Sandy was starting to lose his patience with the unruly words and cruel comments he spoke.

Kirsten was always working, using it as a distraction from wondering if today would be the day Sandy came back to her. It was easier to have working dinners with Carter than having to stare into Sandy's broken eyes.

Seth and Ryan were busy as well. Seth was launching a graphic novel, barely sharing his success with his parents. Ryan helped as well and they were barely home anymore. Seth didn't want to be there anyway and Ryan was scared that the secret he had been holding would eventually spill out and their family environment would inevitably be ruined.

Sandy still tried hard to get the boys to open up and tell them how they feel. Sandy was a big advocate of expressing and sharing feelings. He had no doubt how Seth felt. Every chance Seth got, he made sure to tell Sandy that he was angry, upset, confused and disappointed. Ryan was a different story. He kept his head down, trying not to get involved or in anybody's way. Sandy would have liked to chalk that up to his past and his background, but that didn't seem to be enough. Sandy made a mental note to speak to Ryan before he bottled every sense of his being.

Sandy discussed his whole situation with Nicole at great length. He described in detail what Kirsten did to him, breaking his heart like he never thought possible. At first he felt a lot of guilt telling her all of this, but as time went on, it made him feel closer to her and it felt great to have someone to talk to. Sandy also told her how Seth was reacting and how Ryan was taking things.

Sandy thought about taking things a little more serious with Nicole, but was afraid. If he did so, he would be saying goodbye to his marriage forever. He wasn't prepared to do that just yet. He decided to proceed slowly, deciding to take her for dinner at il Forno, which was a little more romantic than what they were used to.

"This is really nice. Thank you." Nicole told him, once they were seated.

"You're welcome. I just wanted to take you out somewhere nice for a change. Eating on the pier has its advantages, but I wanted to do something nice for you."

"Well, it's very sweet, although you know I am fine with the pier." She said casually.

"I know. I think that is what I like about you. Things are so uncomplicated when I'm with you." He said, trying to bear his feelings little by little.

"You like me?" She asked playfully.

"Considering I spend most of my free time with you, I thought you would have known that by now."

"Well it's good to hear sometimes." She said half serious and half joking.

Sandy grabbed her hand and suddenly leaned forward and kissed her softly on the lips. It was their first public kiss and for once Sandy wasn't looking over his shoulder. That is how he knew he was starting to move forward. When he pulled back, she was smiling at him, and he was thrilled he was the cause of that smile. "I know it is good to show it sometimes too. I'm working on that."

"It's okay Sandy. I understand." She was referring to their sex life or lack thereof.

"No it's not. I know you must be wondering what is happening here and I appreciate your patience with me."

"You and only you will know when you are ready for more than what we are." She said, easing his mind.

"Are you ready for more than what we are?" He asked, curious to know how she felt.

"I'm ready for whatever you are. I'm not going to push and I'm certainly not going to initiate. I'm just enjoying riding this wave, not caring where it takes me."

"Good." He smiled back again.

As he reached for his menu, he felt a cosmic force begging for his head to turn to his left. He didn't know if it was the fact that he felt like he was being watched or something greater than that was happening. He complied and as he turned his head, he was faced with those dark blue eyes that he stared into a million times before.

Kirsten saw them come in as she tried to pay attention to what Carter was saying. They were having one of those usual business dinners, but really they were just using each other for company. She watched as they entered, Sandy's hand on the small of her back. She watched as they were led to their table, Sandy pulling out her chair. _Always the perfect gentleman_, she thought. She watched as he smiled at another woman, reaching out to grab her hand. She noticed his smile, not having seen him this happy in a very long time. The woman was very cordial, not making any moves on her husband. For that she was grateful. What she didn't expect was for her husband to be the one to lean in for a kiss. She watched intently as he lifted himself off his chair, closed his eyes and enjoyed the feel of another woman's lips on his. She watched how he smiled when he saw her smile, making her sick.

"Kirsten? Are you okay?" Carter was trying to get her attention.

Kirsten looked back across the table and saw Carter's questioning eyes. "I'm sorry. I just..." She didn't know what to say so she just looked back to where Sandy was sitting watching them conversate in a very light manner.

Carter looked to where she had her eyes fixed and saw Sandy sitting at a table with another woman. Carter only knew what Kirsten told him and that was that she and Sandy were taking a break. She never mentioned that he was dating again. "I'm so sorry. Do you want to leave?"

"No, no." She waved her hand dismissively. "This is expected right. I have to get used to it."

"You're never going to get used to it." He stated, almost cruelly. "But maybe seeing that will help me plead my case."

"What case is that?"

"That you should move on. I've asked you a million times already, but I really want to give us a chance."

"And I told you a million times already, I'm not ready." She smiled politely.

Sandy couldn't believe that Kirsten was sitting in the same restaurant on the same night that he decided to kiss Nicole in public. Did she see him? Did she notice all the innocent touches and happy smiles? Having a good time was one thing, but rubbing it in her face was another.

Nicole saw Kirsten on the other side of the restaurant the minute Sandy's face took on a pale shade. She knew he turned completely uncomfortable at the sight of her, but the fact that she was sitting with another man devastated him. "You should go over and say hello."

"What's that going to do?"

"Nothing. It's just going to make you feel better than you do right at this moment. You are not going to make it through this meal if you don't. Plus, we can always leave, if you feel worse."

"You don't mind?" He asked, bewildered by this woman's behavior.

"No. I'll be waiting right here, ready to jet or ready to eat. Whatever you want."

He squeezed her hand to say thanks and headed over to her table. Kirsten immediately saw him coming in their direction, and she didn't know what to do. A part of her wanted to run in the hopes that he would follow her, but the rational part of her knew to act like an adult and just face what was to come.

As he got close to the table, he gave her a small smile, letting her know to relax. He turned his attention to Carter and held out his hand. "Good to see you again, Carter right?"

Carter shook his hand back, as Kirsten sat there dubbing this one of the weirdest moments in her life. "Sandy. Good to see you again."

"I just came over to say hi. Nicole said I would feel better if I did, but now I'm not so sure." He chuckled awkwardly.

Kirsten's head turn to Nicole and whispered, "I remember her." She turned her attention back to Sandy, making sure he saw the hurt in her eyes. "Carter and I are just having a working dinner." She wanted to get that out there right away.

"This place is a little fancy for working dinners." Sandy stated, not fully believing that was Carter's only intention. He saw the way he looked at his wife.

"It is. I swear." She said, knowing she sounded pathetic. She just didn't want him to get the wrong idea.

He looked at her sincerely, believing her. He truly knew she was done lying to him. "Okay." He stared at her a little bit longer than he should. He just missed her so much. He missed all the dinners they had together and the way Kirsten used to love to misbehave under the table.

_They both had been working on The Heights case and it had been weeks since they had anytime together. Sandy was happy to fight against Caleb for a good cause, but he hated how he tried to turn things around and make them appear different to Kirsten._

_There was nothing going on between him and Rachel although Sandy would never tell Kirsten that the offer presented itself. He would never have acted on it. He would never defy his Kirsten. Sometimes she was more than he could handle in a sexual way and knew he was very lucky in that department. _

_So after weeks of meetings with both of them on opposite sides of the bargaining table, Sandy needed to get away from it all. Asking his wife for one dinner and to leave work behind them was something she was thrilled to do._

_"I miss seeing you at home." She said, wishing this case would be over soon. "I'm not used to you coming home so late." She started to help herself to another glass of wine, placing her napkin on her lap._

_Sandy loved when his wife had a few drinks, not completely drunk but a lot more relaxed. "Oh yeah?" He knew she was in a playful mood. "What do you do to fight off the loneliness?" He said, his eyes dancing._

_"Well, I think of you." She said, almost afraid to say anything else. She knew where these conversations usually ended._

_"And?"_

_"And what capabilities you have over me!" She said laughing._

_"Which ones?" He asked. She made a face, basically telling him that he already knew. "Come on, you can tell me." He pushed her further and of course she couldn't resist._

_She leaned forward and whispered, not wanting any of the present Newpsies to gossip of her dirty talk. "You can send shivers up and down my spine with the simplest of touches." Since her chair was right next to his, her hands had easy access to the parts of him that mattered. "You can make me wet with just one simple kiss." She slid her hand underneath the white tablecloth and made contact with his thigh. She saw his eyes widen with surprise and she slowly slid them upward and inward. "You have the ability to make me unable to control how loud my voice carries through our house." Her hands slid as far up as she needed them, to reaching her desired destination. She cupped his balls, gaining his full attention. "You have no idea how much you satisfy me." She rubbed his shaft, feeling him grow hard in her hand through his pants. "The only reason you know so much is because he is so big." She continued rubbing and Sandy was trying to catch his breath._

_He reluctantly pushed her hands away, knowing that if she didn't stop he was going to come in his pants like a teenager. "What are you doing?"_

_She moved her hands back to where they were. "Exactly what you wanted me to do." She stated, knowing it was true._

_Sandy's head was spinning. He knew he had to get out of there fast and take his seductively gorgeous wife with him. He suddenly got up, grabbed her hand and pulled her out the front doors of the restaurant. Once he was met with questioning eyes from the valet drivers, he ushered to the backside of the building. He pushed her forcefully against the wall and rubbed his still erect groin against hers. "If you're going to play with fire, Mrs. Cohen, you are eventually going to get burned."_

_That wasn't the first time her under the table antics turned into them skipping dinner all together._

Sandy couldn't help, but to look where Kirsten's hands were located. He knew there weren't many people that knew the Kirsten Cohen he knew. Not only were they on top of the white tablecloth, but also she still wore the two-carat, platinum setting bands on her left hand. He took his off so long ago; he was surprised she still felt the bind that they represented.

Kirsten saw him look at her hands and she knew what he was thinking. He had know she would never feel comfortable enough to act like that with anyone but him. Did he not know that?

Sandy couldn't help but think Jimmy might be the one person that knew her just as well as he did. He hated him even more now. "Well, I going to go. Have a nice dinner." He said and turned his attention back to his table and Nicole.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" She asked when he returned.

"No. Not really." He couldn't help but let his eyes wander back over to their table. He knew staying wasn't an option. "Would you be totally disappointed if we left?"

"I told you before I'm fine with whatever."

Kirsten saw them leave and wondered for the first time if they did split up permanently, how would they survive living in the same town?

Sandy suggested going to the beach and eating, hoping Nicole wouldn't be too disappointed. Sandy had a surfing blanket in the back of his truck and he set up some semblance of a picnic, trying to make the best out of the evening.

Nicole noticed Sandy's distance and decided she was going to ask him about it. They were always so open with each other. "Are you okay? You have been rather quiet since we left the restaurant."

"You already think you know me so well huh?" He joked, trying to lighten the weight off his shoulders. He was sitting by Nicole's side, suddenly feeling the urge to hold her in his arms.

"I have an idea." She said back.

"Come here." He called to her, wanting to see what she felt like, see how she fit.

Nicole looked at him surprised. There wasn't much physical contact between them, but obliged, knowing it was a first for Sandy. She scooted her body in front of his, leaning her back against his hard chest as his arms encircled hers.

"Thank you for being so great these past few weeks. I feel like you deserve so much more than I've been offering you lately." His mouth was moving closer to her ear, making sure she heard every word.

Feeling his warm breath against her skin sent shivers down her spine. "You don't have to thank me. These past few weeks have been a lot of fun for me. You're a really great man Sandy." She didn't dare turn her head to face him, her eyes focused on the visible white foam of the crashing waves.

He took his finger and lifted her chin, turning her face up toward him. He kissed her lightly, but lingering longer than he had in the past. "I'm glad we met. You have been really amazing and I don't know many women who would have put up with me for this long." He smiled before leaning back in and kissing her again.

Nicole couldn't believe what Sandy was doing. She definitely didn't think he was ready for what she wanted at that very moment. She had to let him take the lead, afraid to pushing anything to far. When she felt him pulling her body closer to his, she spun around to face him, their lips not breaking.

Sandy opened his mouth and let his tongue search for hers. Once she felt that contact, she pulled back. She wanted to make sure he wanted to kiss her like that. She wanted to make sure he wasn't thinking of Kirsten.

He looked into her eyes and smiled, brushing her wind blown hair away from her face. She knew he was seeing her and only her, even if it was just for a small moment. He leaned back in and kissed her again, her tongue twirling around his. He felt himself growing between his legs, knowing it was because he hadn't been with anyone in what felt like an eternity.

He pulled her down toward him as he laid back, flat in the sand. He couldn't help but think about Kirsten and how different Nicole felt on top of him. He wanted more. He needed more. He rolled her over onto her back and he hovered above her. He was slightly embarrassed by his erection and made sure his groin stayed far away from hers. He was a forty-three year old man who should not be turned on this easily.

As their kisses deepened, his hand moved from her waist to her breast. Again thinking of Kirsten, Nicole's breasts were much bigger and much softer than what he was used to. Although weird for him, he was so curious what else would feel different. His lips moved to her neck, traveling downward.

Thinking of Kirsten again, he realized how quiet Nicole was. Kirsten always moaned when his lips hit that certain spot on the right side of her neck, below her earlobe. He realized he had no idea where those special spots were on Nicole.

He wanted to see what she looked like underneath her clothing, but didn't know how to broach it since they were outdoors on the beach. Again, he felt like a teenager and not the man he really was.

Nicole knew where this could end up, but wanted to stop it because they were not in the privacy of either of their homes. She pulled his hand away from her breast and Sandy immediately removed his lips from her skin, his eyes questioning her.

"As much as I am enjoying this, and I am, I don't feel completely comfortable getting naked right here at the beach." She was hoping she didn't hurt his feelings.

"So you're considering getting naked?" He asked playfully, making her blush. "I'm kidding. If we don't stop now, we are going to put on a show for whoever is around."

"I'm sorry Sandy."

Again he thought of Kirsten. He was able to convince Kirsten to do things like that all the time. She would always put up a fight, but he would use his intelligence and his charm to convince her it was okay. It always worked.

Sandy climbed off of her and helped her to a sitting position. He didn't know what to do from there. He wanted to continue where this was going, but was too afraid to ask her to come back to his apartment. "Want to get out of here?"

"Yeah." She answered back, not really sure what else to say.

As Sandy started to drive back to her house, he thought about where he wanted to things to go from here. "We should get out of town for a little bit. What do you say?"

"Really? Where?" She was surprised, but happy he suggested it.

"I don't know. How about San Diego? We can bring our surfboards, walk in flip flops, and just enjoy not being here."

Nicole thought about what he was saying and knew he meant get away from the chances of running into Kirsten. "Are you sure?"

"I wouldn't have mentioned it if I wasn't."

"Okay."

"Okay?" He asked, making sure he heard her right.

"Okay." She smiled, stating it more firmly this time.

Sandy was in his office, searching for places to stay in San Diego when his phone rang. "Sandy Cohen." He answered.

"Hello Mr. Cohen. I have Mrs. Cohen on the line for you." He then heard a beep and music playing. He hated when Kirsten did this. Why couldn't she call him directly? She always ordered her assistant to get him on the phone while he had to wait for her to pick up.

"Sandy?"

"I'm here. What's up?"

"Hi. I just wanted to let you know that I am going to be working late tonight and not going to be able to be home for dinner."

"Okay." He was disappointed because he knew both of the boys would be home tonight.

"It's just that we are launching soon and Carter and I have so much more to do."

"Right, Carter." He said his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Sandy, I meant what I said last night. There is nothing going on between us. We are..."

He interrupted. "Kirsten, I see the way he looks at you. I'm not stupid, although that point could be debated considering the last twenty years."

"I've said no to every date he asked me out on. I really don't care how it looks. I just want you to know that I am still waiting for you even though you have obviously moved on with Nicole."

"Moved on?" He asked angrily.

"I'm not stupid either. I can see that she makes you very happy. You used to smile at me that way." She said sadly.

"I'm just trying Kirsten." He didn't know what else he could say that wouldn't be lying and wouldn't hurt her.

"I know."

"You know you can make things easier on the both of us if you accepted one of those dates."

"I'm not ready to give up on us yet Sandy."

That statement broke his heart. He hated that she was still making him feel bad about the choices he was making. "I'm going away next weekend with Nicole." He blurted out, wanting to hurt her a little bit to.

Kirsten was silent. She knew what that meant. Away, as in staying in a hotel together, away. The words caught in her throat as thoughts of Sandy naked with another woman made her sick.

"I just thought you should know. That is why I'm telling you that getting back out there would not be the worse thing in the world."

Kirsten was still silent. She just needed to know the truth. "Are you ready to give up on us?" She asked, terrified of the answer.

Sandy didn't know what to say. He wanted to go back to the time when his wife was perfect and life was fair. He wanted to tell Kirsten he would never get over her, but then he thought about Nicole. He thought about the possibility that he could move on and be happy again. "I don't know, Kirsten."

"Well, I'll take I don't know over yes any day."

He wanted to change the subject. "I'm still going to have dinner with the boys tonight."

"Okay." She had nothing more to say that wouldn't sound like pleading and begging for him to come back to her.

He was about to say "I love you" because that is how they used to end every phone conversation, but stopped himself. He wasn't at liberty to use those words anymore even if he still felt them. He said goodbye and hung up the phone, thinking of all the I love you's they shared over the years. He remembered the look on her face the first time those words left his lips.

_They had been dating exclusively and had a very healthy sex life. They were young and completely in love with each other, envious eyes followed them everywhere. Their friends told them they were reaching a level of obsession, but they didn't care._

_They were walking on the beach, watching the sunset on a typical Friday night. Sandy was deep in thought and Kirsten pulled his hand, indicating for him to stop. _

_"What are you thinking about?" She asked as he turned to face her._

_He cupped her face and kissed her lightly. She couldn't help but smile at his charming ways. "I love you Kirsten." He said it with so much passion, she felt an entire warmth pass over her body._

_Her smile faded, realizing the seriousness of what he just said. "What?" She had to hear it again because she couldn't believe he just said that._

_"I love you. Every time I see you my heart skips a beat and I thought it was because our relationship was new. But months have passed and still I feel that leap in my chest. It only happens when I catch a glimpse of you. I've never felt this before and I never been in love before. That is how I know. I love you Kirsten Nichol."_

_Kirsten felt the tears forming, never so happy in her entire life. When she didn't say anything, Sandy started to get nervous. "Please say something. Say anything just to make me feel better."_

_The serious bewildered look on her face was washed away at Sandy's last words. "I love you too. I have wanted to say it to you for so long, but I know how guys are. They get freaked out easily."_

_"Not this guy." He replied back. Ever since that moment, the I love you's flowed easily between them._

Later that morning, Kirsten couldn't help but wonder what was going through Sandy's mind and what his intentions were with Nicole. She had to trust Sandy. It was one of his best qualities. So she took his advice and made her way towards Carter's office.

She knocked and walked in at the same time, getting his attention. "So I was thinking, The Arches, for dinner?"

"The Arches? That's fancy."

"Not interested?" She asked even though she knew he was.

"Always interested!" He replied back.

"Meet you out front at 7?" She asked, but it was more like a demand.

Sandy arrived home with takeout in tow. He could never go wrong with Thai food when it came to Seth and Ryan. As they sat around the table, Seth monopolized most of the conversation. He talked about how he and Summer were finally back on track, mentioning things that he normally wouldn't have if Kirsten was present.

Although inappropriate, Sandy was just thrilled that he was acting semi-normal. He asked a lot of questions about the comic book and Seth was telling him about the launch party they were having. After Sandy told him that he wouldn't miss it Seth asked, "Do you think Mom would come? I mean if you come, do you think she would too?"

Sandy didn't realize how much all of this was affecting Seth until now. "Of course she will come. Just because things are different right now, doesn't mean either of us doesn't love you. Your mother and I are on good terms Seth. Neither of us would never miss out on something this big."

Seth seemed satisfied with this answer, hoping his father was right. "So dad how's Nicole?"

Sandy was taken back by this question. "How do you know her name?"

"I overheard mom talking to Julie on the phone. So are things going well?"

"Seth, I don't think I'm prepared to have this conversation with you." He didn't mind discussing his personal life, but he knew Seth would want details and that was something he definitely minded.

He turned to Ryan noticing, once again, how quiet he was. "You are awfully quiet." Sandy stated. "Are you okay?"

"He's always quiet. Have you not noticed this until just now?" Seth jumped in.

Sandy turned his attention back to Ryan. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I fine." Ryan said softly. He thought about what was going through his mind and figured he would get it out there. "Are you happy?"

"What?" Sandy asked confused.

"Are you happy? Dating again."

"See Dad, inquiring minds want to know."

Sandy looked back and forth from brown to blue eyes, not knowing what they wanted to hear. He opted to just answer Ryan's question. "I'm doing okay. It's an adjustment that your mother and I are both trying to make."

"Does she treat you well?" Ryan asked.

Sandy thought these questions were strange coming from a seventeen year old. Why was he so concerned about his well being? "She's very nice. We are just getting to know each other."

"You've been getting to know her for over three months now. Is it getting serious?" Seth always seemed to ask the questions that struck a nerve.

"I am going to tell you what I told your mother. If it gets serious, I will inform everyone who needs to know. As for now, there is really nothing to tell. We go out often to eat and surf together a few times a week. It is very casual and that is the way I like it right now. She doesn't push which is exactly what I need."

"Are we going to meet her anytime soon?" Ryan asked another question which was very rare for him.

"Do you want to meet her?" He asked back, directing it at both of them.

Ryan answered for the both of them. "If you want us too."

"I'll think about it." Sandy answered, thinking Ryan's behavior was very peculiar. He would have never thought Ryan would have been so supportive. He figured he would have instinctively taken Kirsten's side in this whole debacle. Sandy started to think Ryan knew a little more about them than he was letting on.

As Kirsten sat across from Carter during dinner, she could feel the Newpsies burning holes in her back with their eyes. She knew having a romantic dinner with a man other than Sandy would certainly turn heads. She knew she would be the talk of the town over the next few days.

Dinner was the same as usual, discussing everything under the sun that wasn't personal. She didn't want anything to get personal with Carter because it didn't feel right. This whole night seemed forced and it was all Sandy's fault. He pushed her and she wasn't ready.

Carter drove them back to the Newport Group and Kirsten had to go inside to log off her computer and grab her own car keys. As she made her way into her office, she noticed new documents on her desk and couldn't help, but pick them up and stare.

"I thought you were just coming in to grab your keys." Carter's voice interrupted her thoughts.

"I thought you would have drove off by now."

"And leave you in here all by yourself?" He made his way over to the side of the desk she was standing on.

"What do you think happens in here at night?" She asked, thinking he was crazy. There was so much security surrounding the building, she always felt safe.

"This." Before she knew what was happening, she felt his lips on hers. She never felt so out of element than she did right at this very moment. She felt his tongue trying to protrude it's way into her mouth. She wasn't ready to accept it. She felt him pushing her backward, her body leaning against her desk. She wasn't ready to feel him against her like that. She felt his hand move from her waist up toward her breast. She wasn't ready to be touched like that.

She pushed him away. "Carter, wait a minute." She pulled back, seeing the hunger in his eyes.

"Wait for what?" He asked, not knowing what part of this she didn't want.

"I don't want to do this."

"Yes, you do. You just don't know it yet." He leaned back in and kissed her roughly. His tongue once again forcefully pushing into her mouth.

She pushed him hard this time, trying to get her point across. "Stop it!" He was now about two feet from her now, Kirsten grateful for the space. "I'm sorry Carter. This is just not something I want."

He looked at her perturbed, like a woman before had never rejected him. "Okay. Sure." He was clearly embarrassed, and wanted to get out of there.

"It's just..." She tried to string together words that would encompass everything she felt at the moment.

"I get it Kirsten. But a part of you needs what I'm offering." He walked back over to her and cupped her face kissing her one more time. "If you just relax, you would enjoy it." He distanced himself, tuned away from her, and walked through the door.

Kirsten stood there in shock. Why did he have to be so forceful? At one point, she was actually scared that she was not going to have nay control of that situation. She didn't feel safe. Sandy never made her feel so insecure in her life. _Maybe it was because it wasn't Sandy_, she thought.

After dinner with his sons, Sandy went home and thought about how Seth was worried about his launch party. It happened to be taking place this upcoming weekend, so the trip with Nicole had to wait. He would always put his sons first. He figured he would have to talk to Kirsten about it and make sure she was there as well. Seth needed their support, together.

He decided he would talk to Kirsten in person. He figured it was important enough to use as an excuse to see her. He truly missed seeing her face everyday. As he made his way to the Newport Group, he hoped he didn't run into Caleb again. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew Caleb was a smart and perceptive man. He didn't need to put on another show for him.

He saw Claire, Kirsten's secretary, sitting down the hall from Kirsten's office. He normally wouldn't have stopped to ask for permission to visit his wife, but sadly things had changed.

"Good afternoon Claire. Is Kirsten in her office?"

"Hi Mr. Cohen. Yes, she and Mr. Buckley are going over notes for the launch. Go right in."

_Carter_, he thought. Why is this guy always around? Sandy knew it was none of his business, but it irked him to no end. As he made his way down the long corridor, he heard their voices drifting into the hallway.

"Carter, lets just drop it." She said, forcefully. Sandy knew that voice and he could tell that she was upset.

"I don't want to drop it. I want you to give me one good reason that last night was not even an option in your mind." Sandy could tell he was annoyed with her.

What happened last night?

"I don't have to give you a reason. You pushing yourself on me like that was not something I enjoyed. End of story."

When Sandy heard that, his blood started to boil. How dare this man get rough with his wife? Sandy was about to break this guy's face into a million pieces when he stopped as the conversation continued.

"You have to move on Kirsten. Your husband has, but you just won't let yourself let go."

"I don't want to let go and I'm sorry if you don't understand that. Maybe Sandy has, but call me an optimist. I'm holding onto to a mere shred of hope that he is not completely over me. And as for the last night, you pushed a little too hard for my liking and I'm not ready for that."

Sandy wanted to kill this guy and pull Kirsten into his arms all at the same time. What did he do to her? Why won't she just let me go? He had a million questions running through his mind, but couldn't get answers to any of them until he made himself present.

He quietly knocked on the door and as Kirsten's sad eyes met his, he melted. "Hi." He never lost contact with her eyes. "Can I come in?" He tentatively asked.

"Hi." She said surprised. "Yes. Carter was just leaving." She said hoping Carter got the hint.

As Carter walked past Sandy, he kept his head down, not saying a word as he exited.

Kirsten wondered how much of that Sandy overheard. "How long were you standing there?" Kirsten tried to replay the whole conversation in her head.

"Long enough to be concerned. Are you alright?" He would kill anyone who laid an unwanted hand on her.

She smiled, loving how much he still cared. "I'm fine. I can take care of myself."

"What did he do?" Sandy wanted to know immediately.

"Sandy..." She was going to tell him not to worry about it, that she was no longer his problem.

"Kirsten please." He interrupted. "If he hurt you in any way, I need to know."

"I'm fine Sandy. It really was my fault. I took your advice and tried to go out with him and I wasn't ready." She didn't want to look him in the eye.

"Wasn't ready for what?" Sandy knew there was more to it.

"We just weren't on the same page. That's all." She didn't want Sandy to flip out.

"Did he force you to do something you didn't want?" He was now officially scared.

Kirsten was silent, not knowing how to answer. It wasn't like he attempted to rape her or anything. He just wanted to take things further than she expected. She should have known. He was a man after all.

When she didn't answer right away, anger coursed through his entire body. "Answer me!" He didn't want to scare her, but this guy needed to be put in his place.

"It's not what you think Sandy. I guess he just expected certain things that I wasn't prepared for. He backed off when he understood my position."

"It didn't sound like he was backing off."

"I said it before. It's nothing I can't handle, but I do appreciate the concern." She didn't want this conversation to go any further and decided to change the subject. "What are you doing here anyway?"

Sandy almost forgot the reason for the visit. He was just so concerned for her, realizing once again that he still loved her very much. "I wanted to talk to you about Seth. He has this graphic novel launch party and I was wondering if you were planning on going."

She was disappointed that he wasn't there to see her. She had secretly hoped he missed her as much as she missed him. "He told me about it and I was planning on going. Why?"

"At dinner last night, he expressed some concern that if one of us went, the other wouldn't. I tried to explain to him that we would both be there, but I should have checked with you first."

"You're going to go?" She asked surprised, knowing this was the weekend he was going away with Nicole.

"I am going to cancel my trip. This is too important to miss."

"Oh okay." Kirsten was so happy, but didn't want to let him know that. She knew he was struggling enough with his emotions, she didn't need to add to his confusion. If Sandy ever decided to come back, she would want him to come back to her on his own.

"So I'll come by the house and we can all go there together?" He was asking, but it was more of a statement.

"Sounds good." She stated, as she sat down behind her desk. She looked back up at him, wondering if there was anything else he wanted. "Sandy?"

He made his way over to her, cupping her face to get her full attention. Her breath was caught in her throat, loving that he could still do that to her. "If you need me for anything, I'm here. I know things between us are so bizarre right now, but I want you to come to me if you need to." He was basically referring to Carter.

She stared into his blue yes, wishing for the billionth time she never betrayed him. "Thanks."

He removed his hands from her face and pulled her head toward him, gently brushing his lips to her forehead. A simple gesture he had been doing forever, still gave her goose bumps. "I'll see you." He said before he walked away, knowing he would never fully get over her.

The evening of the launch party arrived and Kirsten was standing in her closet wondering what to wear. She heard Sandy's car pull up and eventually heard voices downstairs enjoying each other's company. As she slipped on her dress, she was having trouble zipping it up. She tried for about five minutes before she gave up. She knew what had to be done.

"Sandy!" She called from her bedroom. "Are you down there?"

Sandy heard his name being called, deciding not to answer her, but just make his way to their bedroom. Halfway down the hall he heard Seth say sarcastically, "Normally I would be worried about leaving them two alone and us running late, but those ships have sailed."

"I heard that." Sandy called back.

Once he turned the corner and made his way up the stairs that led to their bedroom, he saw Kirsten like he had a million times before. "Wow." That was all he could muster.

She smiled, grateful God blessed her with good looks. "I'm sorry, but I need help and I don't want to scar Seth with seeing my undergarments. Can you zip me up?"

He walked over to her, their bodies close as ever. "What are you doing?" He asked her, wondering if she was doing this on purpose.

"Nothing. I just really need help. Do you mind?" She asked, her neck stretching to see where her zipped started and ended.

He moved his hands to the zipper, thinking of how many times he would pull it further down. He tugged at the zipper and slowly slid it upwards, his eyes glued to the bare skin and the bra that the material eventually hid. He missed caressing her bare back while making love to her. He noticed the clasp and moved his hand to clip it, but his hand touched that extremely sensitive spot close to her armpit, making her squeal. She was always so ticklish.

He grinned at her reaction. "Sorry."

She turned around to face him, their eyes staring deep, both communicating what they really wanted but couldn't have. "It's okay. Thanks." There was no way she was going to break the stare, wishing he would lean in and kiss her. She was desperate to feel his lips against hers once again.

He knew he had to stop staring, but a force greater than him, triumphed. He held her gaze while he spoke. "We should get going."

As they made their way to the site of the launch party, Sandy couldn't help but miss this. As he drove, he almost reached for her hand. They always held hands whenever they could.

When they arrived he guided her in, putting his hand on the small of her back. He took her coat like he always did in the past. He pulled out her chair for her to sit. For a moment in time, he almost felt like nothing had changed between them. Kirsten felt like they were on a first date. She was nervous of her actions, but enjoying Sandy's gentle mannerisms.

As Seth got up to speak, Sandy couldn't help but lean over to whisper into her ear. "We did a good job. Look at him."

She instinctively grabbed his hand and squeezed it, letting him know she agreed. Seth spoke with a great deal of confidence, projecting his voice, impressing the crowd. It was her turn to lean and whisper. "He has your public speaking skills. Look how sure he is of himself."

He slowly rubbed his thumbs back and forth over the backside of her hand. He smiled, letting her know he agreed.

As Seth wrapped up his monologue, everyone gave their applause. Sandy and Kirsten let go of each other to clap their hands, but immediately sought out each other's skin again. As Seth stepped off the stage and another person was called up to speak, Sandy rested his hand on Kirsten's knee, her hand then covering his.

Seth gave his parents a wink, thanking them for coming. As they caught this gesture, Sandy unconsciously rubbed her knee, moving his hand upward and squeezing her thigh. She never felt so sexually charged in her entire life. What was he doing? What kind of signals is he throwing? What did this mean? She figured the best thing to do was let him figure it out.

As another speaker started, she leaned over and whispered again. "I'll be right back. I'm going to the ladies room." She squeezed his hand, before she slowly lifted it off her leg, allowing herself to get up. Sandy stared at her ass and she made her way to the restroom. What was she doing? Was that some sort of signal? Sandy stopped thinking about it, and took action. Feeling her skin underneath her fingertips was enough to send him into an arena of cloudy thoughts and shady decisions.

He stood outside the restroom, not having a clue what he was doing there. He didn't know what he was going to say and he was never at a loss for words. When he heard the door open, he was met with curious eyes. "Sandy?" She asked, wondering what he was doing there, not wanting to jump to any conclusions. But she knew that look in his eye.

"I..." He didn't know what to say, but he felt his groin swell just a little bit as his eyes danced across her body, wanting her so badly.

So instead of words, he communicated with action. He rushed toward her, his lips crashing against hers. She felt so good, so familiar that there was no way he was going to be able to stop. He pushed her backwards, feeling the need for a little bit of privacy. Her back hit the bathroom door, swinging it open. She didn't want to do anything; afraid he might come to his senses and stop. She would just let him have his fun. Once they were inside the bathroom and the door swung closed, he spun her around pushing her back against it. He pulled away from her lips for a spilt second, his eyes focused on locking the door. When she heard the click of the lock, she arched an eyebrow at him. She couldn't believe this was happening.

His lips sought hers once again, kissing her roughly and urgently. He missed touching her, feeling her pressed against him, he didn't want it to end. Their tongues dueled with each other, challenging who can take the kiss into greater depth. Thoughts were swirling through Kirsten's head. What does this mean? Why is he doing this? What is going to happen? She racked her brain, trying to make sense of it all. It wasn't long before she forgot it all and succumbed to his touch.

She wanted to put her hands on his chest. She wanted to wrap them around his neck. She wanted to feel his groin, but she wasn't going to push it. This was all about Sandy and the need he had to control her. She obliged, wanting him to feel dominate.

The kisses weren't enough. He pushed his rock hard groin in between her legs. He wanted to silently tell her what he wanted, in a public bathroom of all places. Feeling him beneath her, she couldn't help but moan. It was music to his ears. His lips moved down her neckline, and stretched her dress to expose her breast. He rubbed it roughly, while still grinding into her. He pulled the lace cup of her bra down to reveal her nipple. His head moved lower and his tongue lapped at her skin, still wanting more. This wasn't enough.

Thoughts once again invaded her head as she felt him free her lips and move his head lower. "What are we doing?" She managed to get out.

"You feel so good." He whispered. "I have no idea." He answered her question. His hands started to roam the front of her body moving lower.

"Good. I don't care. Just don't stop." She begged of him. "This feels incredible."

His lips were on hers once again, searching for her tongue as his hands searched for the prize underneath her skirt. It all happened so fast. She felt his hands roughly tug at her black panty. She quickly unbuttoned his pants, letting him know it was okay. He lifted her skirt, seeing she still shaved the landing strip that he loved. He pulled his own erection out with his left hand, while he hooked her leg around his waist with his right. And within a second and a half, he plunged into her as hard as he could, causing Kirsten to moan once again at the pressure she so craved.

It didn't take long for him to come, missing having sex with his incredibly sexy wife. He rested his head on her shoulder as he went limp inside. He felt her brush her hands through his hair, a habit she always performed when they had sex standing up.

She didn't know what to say, deciding to let Sandy take it from here. She felt him pull out of her, turning his back to grab some paper towels to clean himself and put himself back together. He turned back to her, knowing something had to be said. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't help myself."

She smiled, happy that he was still so attracted to her. "It's okay. I miss these moments." She said as she straightened out her own clothing.

"I don't know what this means Kirsten. I should have controlled myself. I didn't mean to get carried away like that." He didn't know what else to say that wouldn't crush her.

Kirsten could tell that he was already struggling with what just happened. She walked over to him and cupped his face to get his full attention this time. "It's okay. I'd be a fool to think this actually meant something, right?"

"I'm sorry, Kirsten." He really was, wishing he had some self-control when it came to her.

"It's fine. If I didn't want it, it wouldn't have happened." She didn't want him to second-guess what just happened in front of her. She didn't think she could handle it. "We better get back out there. Why don't you go first and I'll be right behind you." She was always the organized one.

"Okay." He walked toward the door before wanting to say one last thing. "I meant what I said. You really did feel incredible."

She smiled, glad he left off on a good note. "Go." She ordered, knowing Seth would start asking questions that they wouldn't be able to answer.

As Kirsten made her back to her seat, Sandy was already sitting there, paying attention to whatever the speaker was saying. She saw Seth give her questioning eyes, before whispering to Sandy. "Let's just tell him I wasn't feeling well, okay?"

He stared back into her eyes, the pent up energy and fire in their eyes, no longer there. "Okay." He answered back, still trying to figure out why he was looking at her differently. She instantly went from the woman he desperately desired at that moment to the wife that cheated on him with Jimmy Cooper.

Although just being as close as two people can get moments before, now Kirsten once again felt the distance between them. There was no hand squeezing, innocent touching or leg grabbing. Their shoulders barely touched as they pretended to pay attention to what was going on in front of them. Both were lost in trying to dissect what the hell just happened.

--

--

_**For my own sanity, hit that button and review!!!!**_


	19. Separation?

_**Hello again. You guys have no idea how excited I was to read all your reviews. To answer a few of your questions, this story has a few more chapters to go, so don't take for granted just yet that Kandy is fully reunited. I wanted this story to be lengthy, so I beg of you to be patient and ride the fanfiction wave. I am glad the last chapter thrilled most of you, which scares me to what you are going to think of the next few to come. I know this story can be angsty at times, so I am glad the flashbacks are filling your smutty needs. **_

_**Panzie - I'm glad you are enjoying this and find it to be complicated. That was how I was trying to portray Sandy's inner struggle.**_

SexyEm - I thought you would have hated the Carsten I wrote. So many people hate him, but I didn't want him to come off too strong. Love your long reviews. Also glad you noticed how awkward they acted and how awkward they will be. And sadly Nicole isn't going away any time soon. Glad I've got you hanging.

_**PrettyIn Pink9787 - We all NEED them back together. Just please keep reading.**_

_**Slinn01 - Is the Nicole thing heartbreaking because you like the character and feel bad for her or because Sandy is spending a lot of time with her? Just curious.**_

_**Jess - I can promise you this - they will either make a clean break or get back together, but like you said, it is going to take time for them to make the decision. I'm terrible at writing Seth and Ryan so I tend to shy away from it. You might be the only person not to feel bad for Kirsten, but I like that you recognize her acts of betrayal.**_

_**Beachgirl67 - I'm sorry for causing anxiety. So, do you want Sandy to go all the way with Nicole?**_

_**Viper209n - There is no coincidence with the name Nicole, but I thought it was funny that you pointed it out. I'm glad you liked the Kirsten references on the beach. I was hoping the reader would really understand how hard this is for Sandy. And yes, you can give me permission not to use Carsten.**_

_**Twinkletoesnelly - I'm glad you feel like it is a new episode every week. Now only if I could get it updated on a weekly basis and not let you guys linger.**_

_**Jennyloveskandy - Glad you recognized how weird they acted after "it" happened. Their behavior completely contradicted where this story was going, so I wanted them to feel awkward around each other afterwards. I wanted Nicole to be a likable character, so I'm glad you see her similar to Kirsten. Also, I don't write Ryan and Seth well so I'm sorry if their parts are not believable. I always appreciate your long reviews and never apologize for what you think. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.**_

_**KrabbyPatty - I like to end each chapter on a positive note. Glad it overwhelmed you a bit!**_

_**Princesssparkle88- I thought about making Kirsten pregnant, but I thought that would be too predictable. I'm still mulling it over though.**_

_**DisneyGirl829 - I'm glad you thought the awkwardness was believable. You can ramble in the reviews any time you want.**_

_**Megan - It IS only a matter of time! I'm all about the twists!**_

_**Tiffany - I have thought about writing a Peter/Kelly story, but it's one of those things you really can't take too far. They fall for each other and then what? The stories that are out there about them are good enough.**_

_**Claire, Perla25, Marcopolo8170, Randi, Kandy4Ever, Jen, Penelopeyu, Robbie, Ally & Stripscrabble - Thanks for taking the time to review!!!**_

_**Sorry for the long break in updates! I was on vacation for nine days and did not have access to a computer.**_

_**On with it...**_

After the launch, the four of them went out for a celebratory dinner. Sandy felt so uncomfortable because he felt as if he made a major mistake. He didn't want Kirsten to get the wrong idea, but what did he expect? He just made love to her in a public bathroom. He told her he couldn't stop. He told her she felt incredible. What was she supposed to think? He didn't want to throw her mixed signals. He was mixed up enough for the both of them.

Kirsten kept the conversation focused on Seth. She must have told him a hundred times how proud she was of him. She kept her eyes on both her sons, the food in front of her, the view of the beach through the window. She couldn't look at Sandy. She knew he was struggling with what had happened. He was never this quiet, especially on such a momentous night for his son.

"Dad, are you okay?" Seth asked, noticing the lack of words flowing from his mouth.

Sandy looked up, wondering where he was a moment before. "I'm sorry. What?" He didn't even hear Seth, until he was addressed directly.

Kirsten jumped in. "Your father still isn't feeling well." She wanted to cover for her husband's behavior.

"You're not feeling well?" Ryan asked.

"I thought you said you were the one not feeling well an hour ago at the launch." Seth reminded Kirsten of the lie they told to explain their disappearance.

"I guess we both have a little bit of something." Sandy tried to cover.

Ryan knew they were lying. He had the ability to spot this sort of behavior a mile away. What he couldn't figure out was what could they possibly be trying to hide? "We should go then." He suggested. "I'll go get the check." Ryan stood up and headed toward their waitress, leaving Seth trying to play the part of the private investigator.

"Are you two alright?" Seth asked, reminding Sandy and Kirsten that he was more perceptive than they both thought. "You guys have been acting weird ever since we left the launch."

"We're fine." They both answered simultaneously, and a little too quickly.

Ryan made his way over and distracted Seth from asking any further questions. Sandy got up from the table and headed for the door, not waiting for Kirsten. This is the complete opposite of how he was earlier, she thought. He guided her with his hand, took her coat and held out her chair. Now he didn't even have the decency to wait for her to leave.

When Sandy pulled up the inclined driveway, Seth and Ryan opened their perspective doors to get out of the back seat. "Thanks for coming Dad." Seth said before he and Ryan made their way into the house. Kirsten didn't budge. She wanted to say so much, but didn't know where to begin.

He kept his eyes focused on the garage doors ahead of him. He found himself speechless, not knowing what else to say. An apology was out of the question. He really wasn't truly sorry about having sex with her. He wanted it. He couldn't help it. The only thing he was sorry for was sending the wrong message to her. Things were progressing with Nicole. He was trying to move on. How could he slip back so easily?

Kirsten turned her body to face him. She knew the look that was spread across his face. It was guilt and Sandy always carried a lot of that around. "Sandy?" She called his name hoping he would look at her.

"Yeah?" He kept his eyes focused, still straight ahead.

"Don't ignore me. Look at me." She said softly.

He turned his head to face her, tears forming in his eyes.

She knew he wasn't going to say anything, but his behavior was really pissing her off. Sympathy was not in the cards. "I have made a lot of mistakes. God knows I have done terrible things. Now, I can tell you think you have made a terrible mistake. Whether that is true or not, you have no right to blame your mistakes on me. I have never done that to you!"

Sandy just looked at her in shock. He was so used to her being submissive these past few months, he never thought she would stand up for herself. He always felt that she was in the wrong and would never dig herself out of that hole. He should have known better. She was probably the strongest woman he ever met.

"Don't take it out on me that you are not comfortable with what happened." She continued, making sure he understood her position. "I'm not saying that I didn't want it to happen because I did. That doesn't mean that I am giving you permission to treat me like shit because of your own self-doubts."

When he didn't say anything, she wondered if she hurt his feelings. "Do you want to say anything to me?" She asked.

"I can't keep falling into your trap. I need to get away from you for awhile, because if I don't, I'm afraid of what is going to happen."

"And what's that?" She asked, wanting to understand.

"I'm going to forgive you and you don't deserve that!" He raised his voice.

"So what now?" She yelled back. "You have to figure out how long I have to suffer without you? You have to figure out how else to punish me? I can't say it enough Sandy. I'm sorry for what I have done. I will never ever hurt you like that again. That's all I can do and say. The rest is up to you." She was almost out of breath, wanting to get out of the car immediately. As she shut the door behind her, she leaned into the open window to say one last thing. "We all make mistakes Sandy. Some of us just know how to take responsibility for them."

Sandy sat their stunned. She was so upset and it was his entire fault, but why should he care? She was the one that cheated. She was the one that lied over and over again. She was the one who didn't take her wedding vows to heart.

Weeks passed and Sandy didn't have the courage to call Nicole. He still had Kirsten images intermittently flashing through his brain. Her arching eyebrow, her sexy bra and even the sounds of her soft moans couldn't escape his brain. Also invading his brain were the harsh words exchanged between them afterwards.

The past few weeks have been very lonely for Sandy. He hadn't seen Nicole, he barely spoke to Kirsten and it seems as if his sons didn't have time for him anymore. The only thing he felt bad about was Nicole. He knew his sons were busy enjoying their life and he definitely needed his space from Kirsten. Her words hit too close to home for him. Nicole was the victim in this whole saga. He knew she would never make the first move to contact him and Sandy was so torn, the last thing he wanted to do was hurt the innocent bystander.

That was why he was utterly shocked when he saw Nicole, clad in her bikini holding her surfboard, making her way up the path to Sandy's office. Sandy felt his insides do a flip flop. Was it because he was seeing her or was it fear of the conversation they were about to have? He knew she couldn't be happy with him and his behavior of late.

He got up from behind his desk and met her at the door. "Hi." He said as he pulled the surfboard out underneath her arm and leaned it up against an interior wall.

"Thanks." She said in response to the weight lifted from her left arm.

"Come in." He said ushering her out of the heat and into his office.

"Nice table." She said referring to his surfboard table.

He laughed, loving that she didn't immediately attack him with harsh words that he probably deserved. "Nicole, I don't know what to say. I have been meaning to call you, but..."

She immediately interrupted him. "It's okay. You don't have to explain."

"I don't?"

"No. We really aren't defined as anything and if I had to take a guess, I assume you've got a lot on your plate right now."

"You have no idea." He wanted to try this again. There wasn't one thing wrong with this woman. She had no faults.

"Anything you want to talk about?" She really wanted to be, at the very least, friends.

"How do you do that?" He said as he leaned against his desk.

"Do what?"

Act like there is nothing wrong, when I feel terrible about not keeping in touch." He thought about what to say next. He was only sure what he wanted when he was in her presence. He assumed it was because she was still perfect. _How long could that last_, he thought. Kirsten was perfect too, and look what happened. "I want to define us."

"Huh?"

"I have no idea what I'm doing here and this whole casual dating thing is throwing me for a loop. I need rules and boundaries."

"Not a fan of spontaneity?" She asked.

Those words held a lot of weight with Sandy. He pushed himself off his desk and moved closer to her. He grabbed her close to him, wanting to prove he could be spontaneous. He kissed her passionately, keeping it short, but getting his point across.

"Point taken." She responded before moving away from him and taking a seat on his couch. "So is there anything you want to talk about? You don't have to, but we have always been pretty honest with each other. Your kiss tells me otherwise, but if this is something you're still not sure about, I don't want to lose you as a friend."

Sandy felt more remorse for sleeping with Kirsten. "I'm not one hundred percent sure of anything these days." He said sadly. He knew he had to come clean with her. "I slept with Kirsten a few weeks back."

"Oh." She couldn't hide the disappointment in her voice.

"I'm sorry. I know nothing is defined between us, but I feel like you have the right to know."

"Are you two getting back together?" She asked, wondering why he would kiss her like that.

"No. It was just a mistake. I don't know what more I can say. " He wished he had more words to describe the utter confusion that certain mistake caused.

"You don't have to say anything more."

"I feel like I owe you more than that." He said smiling at her.

"You don't owe me anything." She thought about it for a second. "Well, maybe a surf date. Tomorrow morning?" She asked.

Kirsten decided enough was enough. She didn't want Sandy to ignore her anymore. She felt that twenty years of marriage gave her the right to confront him about all of this. She might have said things the stung him, but they were the truth. There was no reason to blame her for every single thing that goes wrong. She knew she was the cause for the disaster they were living. He reminded her of it every time they saw each other. She didn't need him blaming her for wanting sex so badly.

They barely spoke over the past few weeks. Dinners were focused on their sons and even those were few and far between. Kirsten decided she had enough of the lack of communication. She made her way to his office, deciding that if he wasn't busy, that would be a good place to talk. She thought about the last time she visited his office.

_They made a lunch date during the week, since they were both missing dinner every night due to working late hours. He made the first move needing to see his wife and spend some time with her. He missed her terribly._

_After two rings, she finally picked up. "Kirsten Cohen?"_

_"What time did you get home last night?" She smiled when she heard his voice._

_"Probably not too much later than you." She teased._

_"Want to meet me for lunch? I really want to see you. I feel like we are leading two completely separate lives."_

_Kirsten knew she shouldn't. She had tons of work to do, but she couldn never deny her husband anything. "Not here. My father will interrupt us every single second, pressuring me to get back to work."_

_"I knew being self-employed would work in my favor. I have no clients this aftenoon. Come to me." He was getting excited just thinking of the two of them alone._

_"Around 1? I can finally spruce up that office of yours."_

_"I like it un-spruced."_

_She ignored him. "See you at 1."_

_When she arrived at the front steps she saw Sandy trying to get his computer hooked up. There were wires everywhere and he looked rather perturbed. He dropped everything when she walked through the door, helping her with the plant she brought._

_"I can't believe you are using a surf shack as an office!" She explained, laughing at his taste._

_"You're just jealous that I have views of the beach and your office overlooks a parking lot."_

_"The only thing I'm jealous of is the amount of time you have been spending here, rather than at home with me." She flirted._

_He set the plant on his desk and scooped her in his arms at lightening speed. "I missed you so much, it actually hurts a little bit."_

_She enjoyed his embrace as she whispered to him. "Oh, I've missed you too. We don't do this enough."_

_He pulled back to look in her eyes. "In my opinion, there are a lot of things we don't do enough." He kissed her softly, getting his point across. His lips moved from her mouth to her neck, searching for more._

_"I concur." She murmured back, enjoying the feel of his lips on her. _

_Sandy unbuttoned her shirt, his lips trailing their way down her chest to her stomach. He got on his knees as Kirsten massaged her hands through his wavy, jet black hair. She didn't know what his plan was, so she got on her knees too, desperate for their lips to touch once again._

_Both now on their knees, their lips attacked each other's, his hands immediately moving to her ass. "We really need to do this more often."_

_"Mmhmm!" That was all she could muster._

_Sandy slowly pushed her backwards as he covered her body with his own. Feeling his swollen groin, Kirsten knew where he expected this to go. While his lips moved to her neck, Kirsten's head moved upward, making room for him to explore her skin. His surfboard table caught her eyes._

_"Where did you get that?" She asked referring to the table._

_"My moves? I picked them up along the way." He said is a husky voice._

_She laughed out loud at this. "No. That table. Can you be any more unprofessional?" _

_He pulled his head away from her, to make sure her eyes were focused on that table, distracting her. "Are you serious? I thought you and I were about to have a moment here."_

_"I'm sorry." She tried to hide her laugh. "It's just so typical of you to have something like that in your office."_

_He used his arms to push off her as he started to get up. "That's it."_

_She desperately grasped at his tie, wanting him to come back down to the floor. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me?"_

In one fluid moment, he scooped her off the floor and placed her entire body face up acoss the surfboard. "You may hate the ocean water, but now you are going for a ride on my board." He teased.

_"As we age, your lines only get chessier." She teased back._

_Kirsten was so uncomfortable, but that only served as more of a turn on. That was the one and only time they christened his office._

As she approached the steps to his office, she heard his voice through the open windows. She couldn't believe this was his office, but it suited him. She figured he was on the phone, so she decided to knock lightly and let herself in. What she didn't expect was for him not to be alone. Her eyes were drawn to the same brunette that made her blood boil in the restaurant a few weeks back.

She then turned her gaze to Sandy. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt." She said with a little bit of hurt in her voice. She had no idea that they were still an item. They were obviously still an item. She could tell by the proximity of their bodies.

Nicole got up immediately, feeling awkward. "You're not interrupting anything." She made her way over to Kirsten. "I don't think we ever formally met. I'm Nicole." She held out her hand as a gesture of peace.

Kirsten shook her hand firmly, realizing she was meeting the woman that possibly could be screwing her husband. With her fake smile plastered on her face, she found the words. "Hi. I'm Kirsten." She couldn't help but eye her up and down, remembering she was a Newpsie as well. "You went to Harbor right?"

"Yeah." Nicole said uneasily. She felt the need to give them so privacy. She looked over at Sandy, trying to send a message to him with her eyes. "I'm going to go." She started to pick up her belongings.

Sandy jumped off the couch toward her, ignoring Kirsten. "You don't have to leave."

Kirsten kept her eyes on Sandy, shocked that her husband was choosing brunette over blonde. "No Nicole. You don't have to leave. I'll go." She directed that at Sandy.

She walked passed the two of them and out the front door of his office. She felt like a child storming out of her room, slamming the door like she was fifteen years old. All she wanted to do was explain to Sandy that they were both behaving like children. They both needed to grow up a little and communicate like adults.

Later that evening, Sandy was dreading the conversation that was bound to take place between him and Kirsten. He knew he hurt her by his actions with Nicole. He would never admit it, but it felt good to see her jealous. He felt good that she was worried about his actions for once.

It shouldn't have surprised him that when he pulled up the driveway, Kirsten's car was not there. She was not a confrontational person so her not being there should have been expected. When he walked through the door, he saw Ryan coming down the steps, minus his dark haired son following.

"Where's Seth?" Sandy asked.

"Out with Summer. Where else?"

"Just you and me then, huh?" Sandy was grateful for the one on one time with Ryan.

"Yup. I ordered Italian. I hope that's okay, but I think I ordered too much. I thought Seth and Kirsten were going to be here as well."

That's okay kid." Sandy clapped his hand on his shoulder. He hated that Ryan still worried about wasting money on food. "We can have our own personal buffet of food, right?"

Ryan smiled, loving how Sandy always made him feel at ease. "I didn't actually hear from Kirsten, but I figured since she wasn't home yet, she was working late. Did you speak to her?"

"No, but I doubt she is going to show up." Sandy said bitterly. When Sandy saw Ryan look at him questioningly, he further explained. "Kirsten came by my office today and Nicole was there. Let's just say, it was awkward."

"I bet." Ryan smirked.

They grabbed some plates and sat at the table, stuffing themselves beyond belief. Their conversation ranged from Seth and his comic book stuff to what the girl situation was like in his life. The main thing that Ryan loved about Sandy was how open and honest he could be with him. The conversation always sailed and their relationship was always smooth.

Always.

Curiosity got the best of Ryan and he couldn't help but ask. "So what exactly happened today? Did you and Kirsten get into a fight?"

"No. It was nothing like that. Believe it or not, Kirsten is a very strong business woman, but when it comes to things that are personal she is not so tough."

"Really?" Ryan asked. He loved learning things about his foster parents that he didn't already know. It was like his handicap for not being born into this wonderful family.

"Yeah. She just showed up unannounced and left very angry because of Nicole." Sandy explained.

"She really doesn't have the right to be angry." Ryan said unconsciously while slurping up one of the last strands of spaghetti. When he realized what he said, he was afraid to look up. He secretly hoped Sandy didn't hear him, since it was sort of mumbled.

"Ryan?" Sandy knew it was now or never to confront him.

"I just mean, you guys are allowed to date other people, right? She shouldn't get mad that Nicole was there." Ryan knew he was fumbling around with his words.

"Ryan, I have been lied to by the best of them. You don't have to lie to me. For a while, I have been getting the feeling that you know more than you are letting on. Care to share?" Sandy was afraid he was on to something. Afraid he was about to discover some horrible new twist to this whole drama he calls his life.

Ryan kept his eyes focused on his plate. "Not really."

"That really wasn't a question. I know this might be hard for you, but I need to know the truth Ryan. Do you know the real reason why Kirsten and I are taking time apart?"

"Yes." He whispered.

"How?" A million thoughts were swirling through his head. Didn't he ask Kirsten directly if anyone knew?

"I promised I wouldn't tell."

That one line gave Sandy a lot more information. "So Kirsten knows you know?"

He nodded, words not coming easily anymore.

Sandy felt sympathetic to Ryan's situation. He escaped a family of lies and secrets and they provided the same type of environment for him. "Ryan I know this is difficult for you, but no matter what you say to me here and now will not change the fact that Kirsten and I both love you very much. You are a part of us now. Well what's left of us!" He tried to joke, but Ryan didn't smile. "I need to know how you found out the truth."

"Sandy, please don't make me say it. I promised Kirsten, I would take it to the grave."

"Did she ask you to hide it from me?"

"No." He said firmly. He didn't want Sandy to place any more blame on Kirsten.

"Somehow, I don't believe that. I think it's sweet that you are trying to protect her though."

"I'm telling you the truth Sandy." He raised his voice. "Actually I'm the one that asked her not to tell you."

Sandy's mind was spinning. Ryan knew about this before he did. Ryan knew when they went away that Kirsten was going to tell him then. Ryan knew much more than he thought. Sandy tried to focus on the last thing Ryan said. "Why would you do that? You know that when people start to lie the truth eventually comes out."

"Because I didn't want be part of another broken family." He said quietly.

"Ryan..." Sandy didn't know what to say to assure Ryan that everything would be okay. "No matter what happens, we love you very much and I would like to think that Kirsten and I would never make our family feel broken."

"I know." He replied, hoping this conversation was almost over. "Can I say one more thing?" He asked.

"Anything!"

"Kirsten felt terrible that I knew and I begged her to fix it. I begged her to fight for us and she's trying Sandy. She really is sorry. When I asked her not to tell you, she said that you had the right to know. Can you imagine how hard that was for her?"

"Ryan you have to excuse me if I don't have sympathy for her."

"I know. I just want you to forgive her and move on. Seth wants you to as well. The sad part is I have no idea how you're supposed to do that." He got up from the table to clear the plates, wanting to go to bed. This conversation was truly exhausting.

Sandy followed Ryan with his eyes, still not satisfied with their conversation. There was still something missing. "You never told me how you found out."

"Sandy..." Ryan didn't know what to say that was going to derail his train of thought.

"You've come this far Ryan, don't disappoint me."

Ryan knew that voice and it meant that there was no way out of it. "I saw them." He said, followed by asking permission to go to bed. Thankfully Sandy granted it, not wanting to put Ryan through anything more. He felt bad enough.

As Sandy finished cleaning the kitchen, he thought about everything Ryan said. He felt terrible that Ryan was carrying this enormous weight on his shoulders. Did Kirsten even care about what this was doing to him? Did she care that her precious secret was ruined? Did she care that she lied to Sandy yet again? The only thing he was sure of was that he was going to get all the answers he needed first thing tomorrow morning.

Kirsten was sitting at her desk, preparing for a meeting with potential investors. She and Caleb have been working diligently for weeks now, making sure there was no stone unturned. She thought about Sandy and what she wanted to say to him, but she knew that conversation had to wait. She had to stay focused and get through this day. Maybe she would try and talk to him tomorrow.

Shock coursed through her body when she saw him making his way to her office. She knew that look painted on his face and she had no idea why he was so upset. Could he be that pissed over her pop in visit? No. It had to be something else. Was it that she wasn't at dinner last night? That couldn't be it either. Whatever was bothering him, it was huge. He had fire burning in his eyes.

She stood up from behind her desk, noting the time of day. It was early and she had about an hour before her meeting. She watched as he let himself in and closed the glass door behind him.

"Is something wrong?" She asked, trying to hurry along the inevitable conversation.

"You tell me." He snapped back.

"What's going on?" She had no idea what this was all about.

"I'm so upset with you right now, Kirsten. Never in my life did I think you had it in you to be so deceiving, but as weeks pass, you shock me more and more."

Kirsten felt irritated. "Sandy, if there is something you want to say..."

"It's not what I have to say, Kirsten."

"Well, you are here for a reason and from your demeanor, it looks like you have something to say or ask or accuse for the matter."

"I'm going to give you a chance to come forward with the truth. Is there anything you want to tell me that I might not know?" He asked, knowing even if she told him what he wanted to hear, it wouldn't make any difference.

"You know everything. Do you not remember that awful night where we went into detail about everything? I told you every single solitary thing. What more do you want from me?" She was so frustrated with him right now. "Do you want to hear it all over again? You want me to detail it for you so you can look at me with disgust?"

"I want you to tell me the truth. Just once, I want the truth, Dammit!" He was yelling at her now.

She moved from behind her desk, feeling the urge to hit him at this point; pound into his chest with her fists to help him ingest what she was saying through his stubbornness. "I don't know what you want from me, anymore." Her voice cracked, tears not far away.

Sandy's heart cracked a little bit, forcing himself to calm down. "Why did you tell me?" He asked.

"What?" Her voice was still raised.

From down the hall Caleb could hear his daughter's voice raised and agitated. He never heard her yell which led him to his next question. Who was upsetting her this much?

"Tell me the real reason why you decided, after twenty years, that honesty was the best policy?"

Kirsten was silent, her mind racing with what he was trying to get at.

"Just answer the question, Kirsten." He said again. By this time, Caleb situated himself outside Kirsten's closed office door.

"I told you this already. You had a right to know. I thought if you heard it from anyone else, there would be no way for us to get past that. I figured that by being honest, there was more of a chance that you would forgive me."

Sandy couldn't believe she was still of the path of dishonesty. "Especially if I heard it from our son." He said venomously. He turned his back, not wanting to even look at her.

It hit Kirsten like a ton of bricks. Sandy found out that Ryan knew what happened. "I was going to tell you anyway. I knew it was the right thing to do."

"Bullshit, Kirsten. How can I believe that? If Ryan never saw you two, you would still be lying to me."

"That's not true." She tried to defend her actions.

He wasn't even listening to her. "Are you proud of yourself? Are you? You managed to tell half the truth. Congratulations Kirsten. You're a half honest person." He was yelling once again and Caleb had enough.

"What's going on in here?" He demanded, once he was inside her office. "I can hear you two from down the hall."

"Dad! Get Out!" Even Sandy was surprised at Kirsten's tone with her father.

"Don't you dare speak to me that way!" Caleb fired back.

Sandy needed to be rational. "Caleb, please. Can you give us a minute? We'll keep our voices down."

Caleb nodded, but his daughter was always his first priority. He whispered in her ear. "Are you alright?"

She nodded and waited for him to exit before speaking again. "You have a choice here Sandy. You can believe what you want or believe what I'm telling you, which is the truth. I'm so sick and tired of you trying to find something else about me or this situation that is going to help tip the scales in making your decision. I'm so damn sorry, it hurts sometimes. The guilt of what I did is enough to drive me insane."

She walked away from him, not wanting him to see her face up close when she finished this argument. "You wanting me to screw up so you can justify leaving is not going to happen. I'm going to make this real easy for you though. If you want to finish this, then just do it. If you don't think you can get past what I did, then what's the point of holding on to something that is never going to happen."

Sandy was shocked that she was giving up. "Kirsten, you don't mean that."

"Yes, I do Sandy. I can live in limbo for an eternity, but I can't have you look at me with disgust and use harsh words to communicate. I love you Sandy. I really do, with all my heart. I just honestly don't think I love you more than you hate me."

She made her way back to her desk, starting to shuffle papers together. "Can you please leave? I have a meeting." She just wanted him gone. If he was going to leave her anyway, why go through another round of fighting?

Sandy didn't know what to say, so he focused on the reason of his visit. "What about Ryan? What about the fact that you never told me he knew? Why would you lie to me about that?"

"Partially because I didn't want you to be mad at him for keeping a secret and partially because I didn't want you to feel humiliated that he knew. It makes me sick to think what he thinks of me now." She grabbed her papers and walked pass him toward the door. "See yourself out. I have a meeting."

After her meeting, Kirsten sat at her desk, contemplating if what she said to Sandy was the right thing to do. She just didn't want to be treated like this anymore. She couldn't take holding on to false hope when she had to face reality. Sandy was never going to forget what she did. It would always be burned into his mind. She was in deep thought when her father walked in and sat down in the chair across from her desk.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really Dad."

"I never thought I would see the day where the two of you fight like that."

"Me either." She said sadly.

"Is there anything I can do like talk some sense into him? Remind him of the fact that he married up and doesn't deserve you."

"Please just stay out of it. Whatever is left of it, anyway."

"Is it that serious?"

"I can honestly say that I think my marriage is over." She said as the tears once again formed.

"Kirsten, I know it is hard to forgive and forget, but you should think about it. As much as I hate to admit it, I know Sandy loves you very much. He's been rubbing it in my face forever now."

"I'm not the one who needs to forgive and forget. I'm the one begging for Sandy's forgiveness, but after today I don't think that is ever going to happen."

Caleb was rather amused by the fact that his Kirsten was the one still breaking hearts. "Don't tell me that the curse of Nichol infidelity reeked havoc for you as well?"

Kirsten must have been emotionally drained because she found herself smiling at her father's attempt to make a bad joke. "I can't believe you just said that!"

At Sandy's apartment that night, he did know much, but he knew he didn't want to be alone. All of Kirsten's words hurt him, hitting him in very deep, sensitive areas. He knew she was right. He was waiting for her to screw up and they were battling a fight never would admit they were involved in, until today anyway.

Nicole spent over an hour listening to Sandy ramble about what happened with Kirsten. She never says what she's thinking because that is not what Sandy needs. He needs someone to comfort him, support him and listen to him. She had many thoughts in her mind, but disclosing them to Sandy would disrespect the marriage he spent over twenty years building. That wasn't fair to him.

"I just can't believe that Ryan knows what she did. I just can't seem to get past that." Sandy said, finishing his rant. He realized that Nicole was still listening, feeling terrible that he went on that long. "I'm sorry. I feel like all I do is complain and all you ever do is listen and be positive."

"You don't have to apologize. It's like I'm watching my own private soap opera here." She said, making Sandy laugh.

"Well, I'm glad I entertain you." Sandy wanted to show this woman that she was worth something to him. "So, I was thinking, are you still up for that trip to San Diego? I really want to take you away for a little bit, focus on us for a while. What do you think?"

She smiled, happy that he brought the trip up again. She was starting to think he forgot about it or didn't want to spend the time with her. "I think it would be a lot of fun. Have you ever surfed down there? The waves are incredible, swells twenty four hours a day." She said, not hiding her passion for the sport she loves.

"No. I haven't been down there for surfing, but I think you just hurt my feelings a bit." When she gave him a confused look, he explained. "I think your more excited about the time you will be surfing than the time we will be spending together."

She leaned over to his side of the couch and kissed him passionately. Sandy was taken by surprise since this was the first time since they had been together that she initiated anything physical. He liked seeing this side of her because it was so new to him. He was curious, but he remembered he was the same way with Kirsten.

_They had been dating each other and a multitude of other people, neither taking their relationship very seriously. They both figured they were too different to take it into any type of serious territory. Their relationship revolved around heavy flirting and drunken make-out sessions. Sandy was the one to always start things up between them because Kirsten was the type of girl who liked to be chased._

_When their behavior became more habitual, Sandy knew it was time that the two of them either settle down or break apart. They rarely spoke about their feelings, both afraid that the other would scare away easily. Another drunken night at their local establishment led Kirsten back to Sandy's house. As they walked through the front door, she made her way to his bedroom already knowing the way. Although she had slept there before, they had never engaged in sex of any type. They basically just kissed passionately, clothing always removed on their upper bodies and touching on the lower parts of their bodies. Never did they do anything oral or sexual. Sandy wished she would take the lead for once, not wanting to push her into more than she wanted. _

_He always wondered how sexually skilled she was. Guys always talked on campus and none of them were able to score with her. Sandy assumed she just respected herself too much to engage in such behavior, concluding that she probably was not that good. She definitely had potential since she had the ability to make him come in her hand in the matter of seconds._

_Once he closed his bedroom door, he watched at she took a seat on his bed. She looked at him confused, sensing his hesitation. "Why are you all the way over there?" She asked, seductively._

_"I don't want you to date anyone else anymore." He stated seriously, hoping she wasn't too drunk to comprehend what he was actually asking._

_"Well, I don't want you to date anyone else either." She replied back, smiling._

_He was thrilled that they were on the same page. His smile on his face turned into a look of shock as she lifted herself on his mattress and pushed him back against the closed door. It was the first time she took control and he loved it. It was something new and different._

_She kissed him passionately, pushing her entire body against him hard. She kept her lips locked as she separated her body to remove her own blouse and skirt. Sandy couldn't believe how wild she was acting. He liked it though. His hands immediately sought out her breasts, kneading them and the lace material between his hand. Then he felt her lips move to his neck and her hands start pushing off his shirt. She pulled herself away as she lifted Sandy's shirt over his head. Once it was removed, her lips returned to his neck as she started to bend her knees as her lips descended. _

_I hope this is going where I think it's going, he thought._

_But it was Kirsten and she had never done this to him before. As she bent down in front of him, her lips remained on his lower stomach as she used her hands to unbutton his jeans. Sandy's breath was caught in his throat and when he made a clearing noise, he was able to ask her. "What are you doing to me?"_

_She removed her lips and smiled up at him wickedly. "What do you think?"_

_He smiled at her response, closed his eyes, tilted his head back and sighed loudly. When he felt her lips on him, he was shocked at how good she was at this. She was sexy as hell, but he knew she wasn't the type of girl that did this often. How did she become so skilled? He was broke out of his thoughts when he felt a sensation very unfamiliar to him. This girl was using every part of her mouth to satisfy him. She really was a woman of many talents. Suddenly he felt the need to release, slightly embarrassed that she had not been down there very long. _

"You have to stop." He whispered. He wanted to be inside her, but knew that wasn't an option at this point in time. Kirsten removed her mouth, but continued with her hand as she started to get up from the floor. She met his eyes, still stroking his shaft as he ejaculated in her hand. She smiled at the funny faces he was making, loving that she could make him lose control so easily. It was all so new back then, both so aware of every movement, of every touch.

Sandy was lying flat on his back with Nicole on top of him. He was so turned on that he wanted to have sex with her right then and there. He knew he didn't love this woman, but since when was that a pre-requisite. He had casual sex all the time in college and it was a blast. But he wasn't in college. He was a grown man that had to take responsibility for his actions.

Their kisses slowed and he felt Nicole slowly getting up, creating a distance between them. Sandy wordlessly got up also, now both sitting upright on the couch. "Where are you going?" He asked gently.

"Trying to keep it casual?" She said it questioningly, but making her point.

"Stay here tonight." It just came out and Sandy didn't really mean it other than the fact that he didn't want her to leave right then and there.

"What?" she was confused.

"Stay here tonight. I'm not asking for anything. Just sleep here and then we can go surfing in the morning." He could tell that she was thinking about it, but wasn't completely sold on the idea. "Don't think, just do." He continued. "I know you are a true surfer and probably carry everything in the trunk of your car."

She smiled at that last part, knowing he had her cornered. "Okay."

The rest of the evening was pretty uneventful. There were shared kisses and a lot of cuddling, but nothing more. They both watched a movie and eventually retired to Sandy's new bed to sleep. There was an awkward tension in the air as they both slid underneath the covers, fully clothed. Sandy closed his eyes, wrapping an arm around her waist, pretending it was his Kirsten lying next to him.

When Sandy woke up the next morning to an empty bed, he was wondering if Nicole was still at his apartment. When he heard noises coming from the living room, he was glad she didn't take off. He was afraid that he pushed the envelope too far with her. He was trying to push himself and it felt as if he was taking steps forward.

He greeted her in the living room, kissing her on the cheek. "Good morning. How did you sleep?"

"Good. Thanks." He could tell she was feeling out of her realm.

"Nicole." When she looked at him, he continued. "Please don't feel weird about last night. We're two adults and we didn't do anything wrong."

She waved her hand dismissively. "I know. I'm being stupid. When I woke up this morning, I kept thinking to myself what I was doing here. I shouldn't have stayed the night and..."

"I wanted you too." He declared.

"I know, but you are not even legally separated yet, and I know you are clearly not over Kirsten. I just feel like I am getting in the way."

He moved closer to her. "You are not getting in the way." He tried to explain although she was a hundred percent right. He wasn't over Kirsten. He had dreams all night about how it was her in his arms. "What do you say we hit the waves and clear both our minds?" He asked.

"Sounds good."

When they left his apartment at such an early hour, neither of them noticed. Kirsten was making her way along side Sandy's house to the back entrance. She wanted to talk to him about their fight. She wanted to tell him that she was sorry that Ryan knew. She wanted to make sure he understood that she was going to come clean anyway.

She stopped dead in her tracks when she spotted Nicole leaving his apartment. Suddenly all the sorrow she felt turned into major angst. A million thoughts started running rapidly through her brain. Her eyes widened as she saw Sandy follow her out. She had slept there? Her anger grew when she thought about what that meant. Sandy had promised her that if it was becoming serious that he would tell her. Now she was the one being lied to. She couldn't believe it. The tables have officially turned. She watched as he carried her surfboard for her. She watched as they situated their stuff in the sand. She watched as he slipped his arm around her slender waist. She watched as they exchanged a quick peck on the lips, before diving in the water. She watched as they shared the same passion for surfing. She watched as she slowly was being replaced.

She didn't want to watch anymore and was too upset to head into the office. She decided to head back home and spend the day feeling sorry for herself. She just wanted to lie in bed and cry for all the mistakes she has made. She needed time to clear her head and think of her next move. How was she ever going to get Sandy back if he truly was moving on?

She sat in the kitchen staring into space when Ryan spotted her. He knew something was severely wrong and immediately placed blame on himself. Sandy must have told her by now about their fateful conversation. Ryan still felt bad about it, knowing Kirsten never wanted him to disclose that information.

"You okay?" He asked, genuinely concerned.

She looked up and gave him a weak smile. "Yeah." She could sense the scared look in his eyes. "It's okay Ryan. I know you and Sandy spoke about everything."

"You do?" He was still scared, wondering how long it would be before Kirsten would want him out of their lives for good.

"Yes. I'm not mad Ryan. I didn't want you to hold that secret in forever. My mistakes are not your problem and I don't need you to feel guilty for them."

"I'm sorry Kirsten. I just couldn't lie to Sandy."

"I didn't ask you too. None of this is your fault."

Ryan smiled and Kirsten felt better knowing Ryan wasn't walking on eggshells anymore. Kirsten sighed loudly rubbing her hands over her face. It was like she was trying to stroke away all the errors she made. Ryan took a seat next to her at the island and placed a gentle hand on her back. With Kirsten's eyes covered by her hands and Ryan's focus on Kirsten, neither of them noticed Seth make his way into the living room.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ryan asked.

"Yes. No. Oh, I don't know." She looked up at him with sad eyes. "All the talking in the world is not going to make this situation any better."

"It might help." He encouraged.

"Well Sandy found out that you knew what happened and accused me of lying to him again..."

Seth was practically in the kitchen with them eavesdropping trying to get some answers.

"...as I tried to explain the whole story, he didn't want to listen."

Seth concluded that what has been going on, was his Mother's fault.

"I tried to explain it to him too." Ryan said hoping to put Kirsten at ease. "He didn't want to hear that you were going to tell him anyway."

Seth then realized that whatever happened, Ryan knew the whole story.

"I know and I appreciate that Ryan. He doesn't believe me." She started to cry a little bit and Ryan tightened his grip around her shoulders. "I don't blame him though. How is he ever going to trust me again? Every single time I slept with Jimmy further knocks down my credibility that I love him."

Bingo! She cheated? On my Dad? With Jimmy Cooper? And disclosed that information? Plus Ryan knew? It was sensory overload for Seth and he couldn't hold back anymore.

"You did what?" Seth was now standing about ten feet behind his Mother and Ryan.

They both spun around facing very angry brown eyes. "Seth, honey. I'm sorry. I didn't want you to ever find out..."

"What? That you are a liar? a cheat? a whore? I can't believe you would do this to Dad, to me and to Ryan."

"Seth, I'm sorry." He started to walk away from her and toward the steps before she could say anything else.

"Hey man, come back here." Ryan called toward him, hoping they could all discuss this like adults.

"Don't you say a word. You knew all this time and didn't say anything. Those nights when I was trying to dissect the whole thing, you already knew. Just leave me alone." He went upstairs, taking the steps two at a time.

So much for being adults, Ryan thought. He turned to face a fear-ridden Kirsten. "I'll go talk to him."

"Don't!" She called after Ryan. When Ryan faced her, she continued. "I think Sandy and I will have to talk to him ourselves. But thank you."

"Sure."

Kirsten stayed at home the entire day, waiting for Sandy to show up for dinner. She knew that he made arrangements with the boys to eat together. They needed to talk and get everything out on the table. They needed to discuss the future before they sat down and talked to Seth and Ryan. Seth had so much anger because of all the uncertainty that has been playing a major role in their lives.

Hearing Sandy's car pull into the driveway, Kirsten met him at the front door wanting to talk before they sat for dinner.

"Hey. You're home?" He questioned because lately she was never there when he was.

"Yeah. I need to talk to you before dinner."

He recognized the serious tone and knew something very upsetting was racking her brain. "Okay. He started to head into his office expecting her to follow, but when she didn't he turned back to look at her.

"I think we should go somewhere more private. I don't want Seth or Ryan to overhear us. Apparently Seth is a big fan of eavesdropping."

Sandy had no idea what she was talking about, but he obliged and followed her lead. When they were in the confinement of their room, Kirsten started the conversation. "Seth knows." She looked down at the floor, ashamed. She continued as she stared at the ground. "Seth overheard my conversation with Ryan this morning and now knows what I did." She started to sob and Sandy couldn't help but rush to her side and hold her in his arms. He hated seeing her like this. She tried to speak through her sobs. "He called me a whore. My own son called me that." She gripped his shirt and sobbed even more.

He enjoyed holding her this close, although he knew it was because she was so upset. When she steadied her breathing, she pulled away from him. "I'm sorry. I'm just upset about Seth and I'm upset about you."

Sandy didn't know what to say. This woman always made a very verbose man speechless. "We obviously have to talk to Seth."

"I know. I'm just not sure what we are suppose to tell him at this point. You and I really need to discuss what is going to happen here. He is as confused as I am and that is not fair to him."

"Okay." Sandy couldn't muster much more than that. He was dreading this conversation. Kirsten scared him a few days back when she said if he wanted to finish this, then just do it.

"I came by your apartment this morning to talk. It was really early, but I wanted to catch you before you went surfing." Kirsten noticed Sandy's change in behavior.

Sandy grew nervous thinking more about the fact that Nicole was there, rather than what she wanted to talk about.

Kirsten continued, ignoring what she already knew he was thinking. "I wanted to talk to you about what went on in my office." When she noticed Sandy not really responding to this, she further explained. "I'm sorry that Ryan found out, but him finding out did not prompt me to tell you."

Sandy saw the determined look on her face, but his mind still drifted back to Nicole. What time was Kirsten there? Why didn't he see her?

When he didn't say anything again, Kirsten continued her defense. "You practically accused me of lying again and I really don't think that was fair. You can assume what you want or you can believe what I am saying. Coming clean to you was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life and I don't want to be rewarded for what I have done, but would like to be respected for telling the truth. When I say I will never lie to you again, I meant it. So please believe me when I say that Ryan had nothing to do with my decision."

Sandy's mind was so clouded. She rarely stuck up for herself and he admired how strong she felt about this. He had no other choice but to truly believe what she was saying. "Okay."

Kirsten didn't know how to bring up the next part of the conversation, but knew she had to do it. She knew this would lead them to finally make a decision and assist in their conversation with Seth. "So when I came by your apartment, I saw you leaving with Nicole."

Sandy felt the need to defend his actions and the innocent night they spent together. "It's not what it looks like."

She gave him a knowing look. "It never is." She simply stated. "I have to tell you that I was really pissed off when I saw her there that early, knowing she spent the night with you. But I don't have the right to be angry right?"

Sandy knew he should tell her that nothing really happened between him and Nicole, but it really didn't matter at this point. She was already drawing her own conclusions. "No you don't." He said firmly, remembering what she did in the first place.

She walked away from him and toward the glass wall of their bedroom facing the ocean. "I guess I'm not the only one who tells lies." She said sadly.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Kirsten spun around to face him. "You promised me that if things progressed with Nicole that you would tell me. I would know that holding on to us was a waste, but you lied."

"It's not as serious as you think." Sandy defended again.

"Sandy, please. She spent the night at your apartment. You are making vacation plans with her. I am all for you trying to move on, but that was when I thought you were going to eventually come back to me. I'm not okay with your new relationship being flaunted in my face. I can't take it."

She stared at him straight in his blue eyes, so he could see the hurt in hers. "I think we should legally separate." A single tear trickled down her left cheek. "I can't pretend that I am okay with this, but if you are going to move on I need to start to let go."

Sandy never thought this day would come. When all this started, he figured he would be the one calling the shots. He figured he would be the one dictating their relationship. "Is that what you want?" He asked, scared out of his mind.

"I never wanted this, but I screwed up and you are having a very difficult time forgiving me. We are at a standstill and it sucks. Not knowing is a lot worse than making a definite decision here, regardless of what that decision might be."

"What do you want to tell Seth?" He asked her, expecting her to magically have all the answers.

"That everyone is better off happily living separate than trying to miserably exist together. Ryan is going to speak to him first, but he needs to hear all of this from us. We can't hiding from the truth."

"And what truth is that?" Again he was scared shitless.

"That you need to move on and I need to let go. You are not even aware of it, but you look at me with such hate, that I can't take it anymore."

"I don't hate you Kirsten. I could never hate you. You gave me Seth and let Ryan into our lives. I could never hate you."

"You are trying to move on. You want to move on. I can see that with my own two eyes. I need to let you do that. I need to let you and the idea of us go. It's been months and you still don't want to forgive me."

"I said I needed time." He did not understand what the rush was for all of this.

"I know. I'm trying Sandy, but I can't pretend that things are going to eventually be okay between us in a week from now or even a few years from now. You want to fall in love with someone else and I cannot pretend that that is okay with me. It hurts seeing you with someone else. It made me realize that I need to let you do that and stop hoping on to something that is never going to happen."

"Don't say never." He whispered.

"See, you keep saying things like that, but you are not taking the steps to back those kind of statements up." He moved closer to her, but she ignored the gesture. "I think this is what will be best for us."

He was standing so close to her now that he was finding it hard to resist his urges. "I'm not ready to let the idea of us go."

She hated that he was making things so complicated. "But you are not ready to forgive and forget."

"I don't think I will ever be able to forget." He firmly stated.

"Well than, this is definitely a step in the right direction." She stated sarcastically. She figured the conversation was over and started to head toward the stairs exiting their bedroom.

Sandy was starting to panic. Was this it? Was she bluffing? Was it over? "I still love you Kirsten." He just blurted it out, afraid he was going to lose her forever. He wasn't sure if he should have told her that, but it was how he felt at that very moment.

Kirsten stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face him. "Oh God, Sandy. I love you too, but you and I are never going to be able to function if you can't get past what I did. I don't think love is enough anymore."

"How do you expect me to forgive, trust and forget so easily?" He asked, wondering how that would even be possible?

"I don't know." She thought if she should tell him her plans for tomorrow, figuring it would be best if he wasn't shocked. "I'm meeting with my lawyer tomorrow to draw up papers."

"What?" He was thrown for a loop.

"You need me to get this ball rolling, Sandy. One of us has to be brave here and take the first step. I saw the way you smile at her, touch her and kiss her. If I don't do this for you, if I don't give you the freedom you need, you will never let yourself be truly happy. I need to take myself out of your equation of confusion."

"You're right." He said, although it was a lie. He didn't think any of what she said was correct. He wanted her to fight harder. Why was she giving up so easily?

She interrupted his thoughts. "Let's eat dinner and talk to Seth, okay?" When he didn't move, she walked toward him, grabbed his hand and helped lead him down the stairs.

--

--

Thoughts/Opinions….Review please?!?!?!?


	20. Making Mistakes?

_**I am really going to try and update more frequently and I apologize for those who have been tortured with this story. But I'm glad to know that you guys are still reading!**_

_**Carrie - Who doesn't love Cal?**_

_**Narcissistic201 - I have the same conflict as you. I would never forgive her either but it goes against my pro-Kandy beliefs. You can hate Nicole, but I was trying for people to actually like her. I was trying to portray the story to happen before Kirsten's alcoholism. I hate to say it, but Carter will resurface and maybe...just maybe...Sandy will hit him. Thanks for taking the time to leave a review.**_

_**PrettyInPink9787 - Patience! I feel bad for Kirsten too even though I shouldn't.**_

_**Twinkletoesnelly - Telling me that this is giving Playing Games a run for its money is a HUGE compliment. Thanks!**_

_**Jennyloveskandy - I'm glad you see Nicole as an almost perfect character...Australia huh?**_

_**Slinn01 - Hadn't thought about therapy but thanks for putting the idea in my head. I wanted to make Nicole as close to perfect as possible so everyone would like her. I hadn't thought about her having a hidden agenda, but it is another good idea. Are you sure you don't want to write this story? You're full of great ideas. BTW, I thought about Rebecca playing the role of Nicole so it would make more sense for Sandy to turn to her, but too many people hate Rebecca.**_

_**Beachgirl67 - Thanks for being a part of what you call a "Huge Following".**_

_**Cheerleader2006- This story has about another 10 chapters or so.**_

KrabbyPatty- It does take two to tango. There will definitely be some type of Nicole/Kirsten interaction.

_**Kandy4ever - As far ahead as I thought about it, Kirsten will be staying in the mansion.**_

_**Bluetoffee - Glad you are seeing both sides of the fence. It's a little bit of both for Kirsten.**_

_**Robbie - Hopefully there will be more than one chapter posted when you get back.**_

_**Tiffany - Don't ever apologize for lengthy review. I love them!**_

_**Marie-Charlotte - Crying and Dying? Wow!**_

_**SexyEm - I think it is hysterical how you and Panzie tease each other about updates. It makes me feel so important. I wasn't sure if I even wanted the little vacation to happen, but I needed to do it to have the story move in the direction I want it to go. I worked hard on posting this before the 21**__**st**___

_**Kandyfanz123 - Don't you just love the classic, business-like, ruthless Kirsten? I missed her!**_

_**x-christa-x, Lauren, Jen, Princesssparkle88, Stripscrabble - Thanks for the review!**_

It had been five weeks. Five long weeks since they left the dinner table that night. It was the longest they had ever gone with contacting one another. Figuring that they would somehow run into each other, neither expected it to be this long of a break. He figured she was hiding from the confusion she had caused. She was all set to have papers drawn up, but then he heard nothing. He waited on pins and needles for that day to come - the day he would be served. He was more confused than she could ever be.

She figured he was avoiding the situation because he had enough of the drama. She was letting him have some space. He needed a break from it all. Since the day they met, she never felt so distanced from him. She knew she was the cause and decided she would hold true to her word.

She met with the company lawyer, making sure to keep all her personal affairs internal. The only downfall of using Mr. Sterling was that her father would have access to all the information he wanted. She was trying to keep him out of it, knowing that he would never feel sympathy for Sandy.

She just didn't have the ability to slide them into the manila envelope that was provided. They rested on top, waiting on her desk to insert, seal and hand back to Mr. Sterling. Such documents would require certified delivery. Every day her eyes would look them over, but every hour her heart would tell her not to do it. She figured she would do it when she was ready.

She didn't want to be the one to end their marriage. She knew she already did that when she slept with Jimmy multiple times. Her hopes were fading as time passed that Sandy would forgive her. Her dreams were shattering quicker than she was able to put it all back together. She figured she would send them to Sandy when she was ready. It was like she was waiting for some sort of sign to tell her it was the right thing to do.

Sandy hoped that he convinced her not to take any action. He told her he loved her and wasn't ready to let her go. He was so torn between wanting to move on with Nicole and wanting to work things out with Kirsten. He knew it all had to do with forgiveness.

He figured he could forgive her, but how would he ever trust her again? He would always wonder about her whereabouts, her actions, and her intentions. He would never believe her even if she spoke the truth. He would always question her sincerity. How could he live like that? He didn't want to live like that. He never was a jealous man and wasn't about to start to become one now.

When they spoke to Seth and Ryan five weeks ago, they both thought it went better than expected. The fact that they had a plan, some sort of idea, some semblance of what the future held somehow eased the boys minds. Seth was upset, but felt a sense of relief that they would all be moving forward. There would be none of that push and pull, the will they or won't they dragging them down into the world unknown. Ryan took it much worse. He was silent as usual, but both Sandy and Kirsten could see the hurt bleeding from his eyes.

It was happening again.

Another broken family.

Was it him?

Both adults were able to see all the questions running through his mind. They did everything they could to explain to him that none of this was his fault.

"We all know its Mom's." Seth simply stated, still extremely angry with his mother, wanting to zing her whenever he could.

Sandy knew Seth was much more accepting of their separation because he now knew the truth of what his Mother did. "I wouldn't want to stay married to her either."

Sandy hated that Seth knew. He hated how Seth now looked at his Mother. He hated that he called her horrible names. He hated how Kirsten hurt over all of this. Sandy was carrying around enough angst for the entire family. Seth's comments didn't help matters one bit.

Kirsten didn't even know if she and Sandy were on speaking terms. They really weren't in a fight where they weren't talking to each other. They both left the dinner table that night feeling pretty well about how things went. They said their goodbyes and that was it. No visits, no phone calls and no dinners. It was all very bizarre.

Kirsten was once again playing over all these thoughts in mind one late Friday night. She was working late, keeping to herself in her office, avoiding the world, avoiding reality, avoiding her life. She sat back in her chair, her eyes drawn to the legal papers sitting to the side of her desk. She hadn't moved them. She hadn't even touched them since they were delivered to her office almost three and a half weeks ago.

She listened to the janitorial staff vacuum, as thoughts of what her life would be like if she sent those papers circled her brain. She was in such deep thought that she didn't notice Julie enter and take a seat in one of the chairs facing her desk.

"Earth to Kirsten?" Julie didn't mean to startle her, but she looked like she was in a daze.

"Hey Julie." She said confused wondering how long she had been sitting there. "What are you doing here so late?"

"Oh, you know your father. He gives me meaningless tedious jobs to keep me busy." She looked at her friend concerned. "What are you doing here so late?"

Kirsten looked at her with the two most depressing eyes Julie had ever seen. "Just trying to hide from my life."

"Things still going badly between you and Sandy?" She asked cautiously.

"You have no idea." Kirsten was not really sure if she wanted to get into it with Julie.

"What do you say we break into Caleb's liquor cabinet and dish dirt?"

Leave it to Julie to come up with an intriguing idea. Kirsten felt like she needed a drink, but she also needed to air out the demons going on inside. Even though she and Julie were never really close in the past, they have grown into becoming true friends.

A few minutes later Julie came back into Kirsten's office with a bottle a fine scotch, two tumbler glasses and an ice bucket. As she set the glasses on Kirsten's desk, she noticed the official looking papers sitting to the side.

"I better pour these fast so you can explain to me what those are doing here?" She pointed to the papers with one hand as she poured the drinks with the other.

Kirsten should have known Julie would have seen them, but she was so tired of worrying about what everyone else thought, she just didn't care anymore. "They're separation papers." She said it carelessly as she took a long sip. The burning in her chest felt so good.

"I know what they are Kirsten. What are they doing on your desk?" Julie said sipping her drink as well.

"I had my lawyer draw them up three weeks ago, but just can't seem to send them to Sandy." Kirsten finished her first drink quickly and reached for the bottle to pour her second. She was already feeling light headed. It felt good to let go a little bit.

"I thought you were trying to work it out."

After another big gulp, she answered. "I gave up."

About two hours and five scotches later, both ladies were beyond drunk. They were sharing secrets, laughing at the misfortune of their lives and acting like old friends. Kirsten spoke of Sandy and how he was dating Nicole. Julie spoke of her marriage to Caleb and how boring it was. Parts of the conversation Kirsten really didn't want to hear, but parts of the conversation she was really enjoying. She loved talking about Sandy and their happier times. She loved that people looked up to their marriage and how in love they were after all the years of being together.

Slurring her words a bit, Julie always turned the conversation into the erotic arena. "Were you not satisfied with Sandy?" When Kirsten looked at her like she had ten heads, she explained. "Whoever you were with must have been incredible. You could just tell Sandy must be really good in bed."

"Julie!" Kirsten shrieked. She felt weird talking about Sandy that way. Plus if Julie only knew who the other man was, she would be royally pissed.

"What? We can talk about this kind of stuff. It's fun!" Julie's eyes were wide with anticipation.

As Kirsten swallowed the last of her fifth drink, she decided she needed another one. She tried to get up, but her legs were like jello and she fell back into her office chair. She and Julie were laughing uncontrollably at this point. Once she gained her composure, she spoke. "I have no idea why I did what I did. Sandy is incredible. You have no idea what you're missing."

"I knew it." Julie exclaimed. "All the Newpies imagine it about him."

"Really?" Kirsten asked, knowing it was probably true. Sandy was one of the best looking men in their circle of friends.

"Really! Don't get me wrong, Jimmy was great." Julie said and Kirsten immediately felt uncomfortable. "But I always felt like there could be more. I always needed there to be more. The sex was always so monotonous. Sandy's inventive, right?" She asked, her eyes glimmering.

Kirsten thought about all the positions, all the weird places and all the excitement he caused. "Inventive is one way to put it." She said laughing.

"Yeah, well your father is so boring. It's just one way all the time and..."

"Julie, please!" Kirsten didn't need to hear about her father's sex escapades.

"Okay. Sorry, I just thought we were comparing stories here."

"Comparing?"

"Yeah. You tell me something, I tell you. Like, where was the craziest place you had sex?"

Kirsten look of disgust turned into a mischievous grin. "It's a tie." She took another sip. "The couch in my father's office at the Christmas function last year or the bathroom of the Bait Shop where Seth dragged us to see one of those independent bands."

"Wow. I didn't think you had it in you."

"Yeah, well it's not really me. It usually takes a lot of coercing on Sandy's part."

"Jimmy was always so scared to have sex in public."

"Really?" Kirsten blurted that out a little too quickly, but she was shocked. He never had a problem cornering her into the oddest of places.

Julie didn't notice Kirsten's shock, probably due to the fact that she was on her sixth scotch as well. "Really." Julie thought about Sandy and how much he really loved Kirsten. "I don't think you should send those papers."

"I have to."

"No, you don't. Do you know how many times Sandy has turned down the opportunity to have unattached sex with some of the Newpsies?"

"I know you said those women flirted with him, but what are you talking about?"

"I know about the New Years Eve party you went to at Evelyn's house last year. Everyone was talking about how the minute you guys walked through the door, they were trying to get a peak at Sandy's watch."

Kirsten had no idea.

"They all wanted him and I heard he took himself out of the running."

"How do they know that?" Kirsten asked, amused remembering that fateful night.

"They all talked about it at Yogaltes. I thought they were making it up. I mean you at a swingers party."

"We didn't know it was that kind of a party. Hailey set us up."

Julie laughed, knowing that made actual sense. "See! He loved you too much then and I know of at least three Newpsies that tried cornering him at charity functions offering themselves to him."

Kirsten knew she was drunk because instead of being offended at her so called friends, she was laughing. "Who?" She was dying to know.

"I'm not telling. They know I'm friends with you and would kill me if I spilled the beans."

Feeling the full effects of the alcohol, Kirsten slurred. "You're a good friend Julie."

"As your friend, I'm telling you not to send the papers. He loves you."

"He loves Nicole now."

"No he doesn't. He couldn't possibly have forgotten you that easily."

"Whether or not that is true, I have to give him the opportunity to move on. We can't just stay in the same place we have been in for the past few months. It hurts too much."

"Maybe you should stop talking to Sandy and start talking to Nicole."

"You must be drunk" Kirsten retorted.

"Hear me out. You will able to get a true grasp on how serious it is from her. Sandy is so confused right now. She is your best bet."

After offering some encouraging words, Julie decided it was time to call it a night. It was late and she knew Caleb's limo would only wait so long before she would be stranded there. She offered Kirsten a ride, but she didn't want to go home yet. Once Julie left, Kirsten realized that she couldn't drive. She wasn't about to call Seth or Ryan. They were already so disappointed in her. If she was sober, she probably wouldn't have done this, but not having a care in the world, she dialed his number.

"Kirsten?" Sandy answered his cell phone a little concerned that she was calling him this late.

"Hi." She said energetically. "Whatchya doing?"

Sandy knew that voice and he couldn't help but chuckle. "I'm sleeping. What are you doing?"

"Nothing." She paused now feeling stupid that she woke him up. "I'm sorry. Go back to bed."

He knew she was drunk and called for a reason. "Kirsten, why did you call?"

She paused, debating whether or not to tell him she needed a ride home. "I called because I needed a ride home, but forget it. Never mind." She about to hang up when she heard Sandy speak again.

"Where are you?"

"I'm at my office." She said quietly.

Sandy couldn't help but crack a joke. "Is the job that bad that you now have to drink while you're there?"

"No." She felt the need to argue her point but then realized there was no point in it. "Maybe." She laughed really feeling the effects of alcohol.

"Give me fifteen minutes."

She waited outside the office building for Sandy. Normally she would have let him come inside and get her, but nothing about this was normal. When he pulled up, she lifted herself off the top step and swayed a little bit before holding herself up straight.

He immediately saw she had more than one or two drinks. He put the car in park, opened the door and graciously got out to help her. He briskly walked toward her; afraid she was going to hurt herself without some assistance. He tightly wrapped his arm around her waist, steadying her walk and guiding her to the passenger side.

"I'm sorry." She said to him.

When he climbed back into the driver's seat, he spoke softly to her. "Don't apologize. I rather you call me than drive drunk." He thought about what to say next. I love you. I love you. I love you. "Is everything okay?" He asked.

She waved her hand dismissively. She only did that when she was drunk. "I'm fine, but little drunk. I bet you figured that out by now."

"Yeah. He smiled, remembering how cute she was when she was drunk. She was so dependent, a part of her hardly anyone knew.

"Julie thought it was a good idea to drink my Dad's scotch. I thought it was a good idea too." She murmured a few words to herself as she was deep in thought.

With the mention of Julie's name, Kirsten started to replay the conversation they had. She thought about talking to Nicole. That was too complicated of a thought right now. She thought about what she told her about Sandy. She was proud of herself that in her drunken stupor, she never mentioned Jimmy's name. Then the thought of the Newpsies came into her mind. She couldn't believe that Sandy never told her about his propositions. She pictured he reaction. His eyes wide, almost with fear until his self-righteousness kicked in. She laughed out loud at the thought.

Sandy knew she was deep in thought, but he didn't expect her to laugh out loud and not be able to control the giggles. "What?" He asked.

"You're a Newpsie magnet." She said, still laughing.

She must be really drunk. "Oh yeah. Why do you say that?" He asked amused by her behavior.

"Because Julie told me so."

"Really? That must have been some conversation you two had." He always knew how to get the truth from Kirsten when she was drunk. Ask without asking.

"Yeah. How come you never told me?"

"Told you what?"

"That you were propositioned on several different occasions with different women."

He couldn't help but feel a little embarrassed. He smiled sheepishly. "She told you that huh?"

"Yeah. I mean I know that you are the best looking man in all of Newport, but I didn't think everyone else did too. Go figure!"

Sandy loved how playful she was when she was drunk. "Go figure." He repeated her words.

"How come you never told me?" She asked, trying to be serious.

"I don't know. Those women were supposed to be your friends."

"I know. I think that is why I'm so shocked." She was afraid to ask the next question, but the alcohol canceled out her fear. "Did you ever want to act on it?"

He gave her a look that said 'don't go there', but she didn't relent. "Come on, you can tell me."

"Sure I thought about it. I wouldn't be a man if i didn't think about it, but thinking and doing are too separate things." He was trying to get his point across, but it was a useless cause. Kirsten was too drunk to catch his drift.

"Do you know what else?"

He couldn't help but laugh at her again. "I'm sure you are going to tell me, right?"

"Julie knew we went to that swingers party. She knew because all the women were talking about you and how they looked at your watch and tried to find it in the bowl." She was rambling, but Sandy knew what she was saying.

As he pulled up their driveway, she was still rambling about Julie. "Do you think Julie wants to sleep with you too? I hadn't thought about that."

"Now you are giving me the creeps!" Sandy exclaimed.

They stared at each other, smiles carrying all the way to both pairs of eyes. They hadn't laughed like this in a while. "Do you need help getting in?"

"You're still so fucking hot." She always used the F word when she was drunk. She couldn't help it.

He smiled sheepishly again, his eyes darting to the floor. "You never were good at taking compliments." She stated. "Your ego should be through the roof with the information I gave you tonight."

"And somehow it's not." Sandy couldn't help but think it still wasn't enough to have a faithful wife.

"Well for what it's worth, you are still very, very attractive to me." She smiled her sweet smile that always melted his heart.

He didn't say anything. He didn't think. He just acted. He placed his right hand behind her head and pulled her roughly toward him. His lips kissed her hard, his tongue begged for entrance. She granted it immediately and he was able to taste the scotch she previously drank. There was nothing romantic about this kiss. It was rough and desperate, not sweet and loving. She immediately took her right hand and slid it up his thigh to his crotch. She knew all his weak spots.

As if it was a call to reality, he pulled away immediately. "I'm sorry."

She was so drunk, she didn't even care that he stopped. A part of her figured that would have happened. "I'm sorry too."

She opened her door and tried to get out as gracious as she could. "Thanks for the ride." She mumbled before she staggered into the house.

The following evening Sandy was on his way to dinner with his sons. He decided to meet them out instead of same old boring routine of eating in. Plus, he didn't want to face Kirsten when she was sober. He didn't know what she even remembered of the previous night.

He remembered every little detail. Her lips tasted sensual, her body felt a little bit thinner than normal; her hands knew the exact spots to hit.

When he arrived at the restaurant, he spotted both boys already seated at a table in the back. He pulled his chair out and seated himself as Seth spoke about his graphic novel was coming along. Ryan spoke about the fact that he and Marissa were getting back together once again after a short split. Sandy didn't want to interrupt the banter, loving to focus on his children. There was so much drama in his life that it was refreshing to think about the drama in their lives.

It didn't last long though.

"So, dad are you all packed?" Seth asked changing the subject back to Sandy.

"Pretty much." Sandy didn't want to talk about Nicole with Seth. He felt like he was disrespecting Kirsten when he did this. It was also no secret that Seth was now all of a sudden a fan of their relationship since he found out the truth about Kirsten.

"Does Mom know about your little trip?" Seth was curious how honest his parent's were with each other these days.

"You should know by now that I never keep secrets from your mother."

"Even though she lied to you for years?" Seth asked.

Ryan remained quiet not wanting to get involved, but Sandy was not about to let Seth do this. "Listen up!" He said in a scolding voice. "What happened between your mother and I and how I handle it is none of your business. Do you understand me?"

"Yeah." Seth answered. He didn't mean to upset his father. He felt like that was an open and honest question. "I understand. I'm also glad that you are moving on. I mean going away together must mean something, right?"

"I'm trying Seth, but it is hard to forget the life you lived for over twenty years."

"Why don't we order?" Ryan stated, trying to get Seth to move the conversation in a different direction.

No such luck.

"So are things getting serious?" Seth asked again.

Sandy thought about the fact that just last night he kissed Kirsten again. He slipped up again. How serious could he be with Nicole? "Not really. She is very laid back and there is no pressure. It's drama free and it's nice."

Ryan knew where Seth was going with this. He could never keep anything to himself and was going to reveal what both their eyes caught a glimpse of last night.

"She must be very laid back."

Sandy looked at him skeptically and then turned to Ryan. "What is he talking about?"

Ryan tried to divert his eyes, but he knew better than not to answer. Sandy would always find a way to get information out of him. "We saw you last night." Ryan smirked a little, not hiding the fact that he was not rooting Team Nicole.

Sandy blushed a little before he gained some composure. "I really don't know what to say."

"I do." Seth said. "Do you have any idea what you're doing?"

"Seth, please. This is none of your business."

Seth didn't even hear him. "Put aside the fact that I am going to be emotionally scarred from seeing you two behave that way, but what are you doing?"

"I can't explain my actions." Sandy then noticed that Ryan looked almost elated. "What are you smirking at?"

"Seth and I don't exactly agree in what is best for you, but unlike Seth, I keep my mouth shut."

"I'm sorry Dad, but I think it is disgusting that you can even think about touching Mom again, let alone be the one to initiate it."

"Seth..." Sandy warned.

"I think you actually have a great thing with Nicole. A woman offering unattached sex to help you get over the things Mom did. To be honest, I don't even care as long as you don't get back with Mom. How could you even want to? She destroyed you and she claims she is sorry. How can you believe her?"

"She is sorry." Ryan defended.

"How do you know that?" Seth asked.

"That's enough." Sandy knew he had to put an end to all of this, hoping his lawyer skills would come in handy with a verbose explanation. "The last thing I need is for the two of you to argue over my personal life. I have enough confusion blocking my brain, I don't need you two tugging at it. My decisions are my decisions and although I respect your opinions, ultimately I am going to do what is best for me and what is best for this family."

Sandy took a deep breath, looking at both his sons before speaking again. He wanted to make sure they both heard this last part. "Your mother did many, many things wrong. I know that and believe me it hurts, but I also know that she is hurting too. She made a mistake and if there is anything I truly know, it is that she is sorry. Whether I can forgive her, trust her and forget what she did is something I am trying to figure out. In the meanwhile, do not disrespect her. Especially you Seth! You have been nothing but downright mean to her. She doesn't need that from you. She doesn't need grief from someone who hasn't had the experience of making mistakes and taking responsibility for them. Do you understand me?"

"But Dad..."

"But nothing Seth! Your Mother loves you and has done nothing but make sacrifices for you her entire life. I'm not asking you to forgive her. I know it's hard. I'm asking you to love her."

"Do you still love her?" Ryan asked.

Sandy didn't really know how to answer. He didn't want to give Ryan false hope, but he wanted to remain honest. "I will always love your Mother because she gave me you guys."

Saturday morning came and Sandy was just putting the last few items in his suitcase. He couldn't believe he was taking another woman on vacation. He didn't really know how this whole overnight trip was going to play out. They would be sharing a room, a bathroom, and a bed. He knew they would spend a great deal of time surfing, which he was grateful. It was a safe activity, but what would nighttime bring? What did she expect? If he knew one thing, Nicole would just go with the flow and make things easier for him. He remembered when he and Kirsten went away for the first time, feeling just as anxious but for entirely different reasons.

_It wasn't their first vacation together, but it probably would be the most important trip of their life. He planned on taking Kirsten away for weeks. He wanted to surprise her in a way that she would never forget. He decided on taking her to New York, knowing that she loved it there. Plus, since it was his hometown he figured he could show her parts of the city that only native New Yorkers knew._

_They stayed in her family owned penthouse which was located on Central Park West. As a kid, Sandy never dreamed he would be able to walk into a building like that, let alone stay there. Over a six day stay they went to the Statue of Liberty, South Street Seaport, 5th Ave, Rockefeller Center, the Empire State building, Washington Square Park, Little Italy and a ton of Museums. Even though these sights were very standard to Sandy, he enjoyed seeing the city through her eyes. She lit up as she seen things her eyes never saw before._

_On the fifth day, they spent it lounging out in the park. Kirsten seemed to really enjoy herself, just people watching and occasionally buying beers in brown paper bags. It was so different than California. Sandy started to feel the butterflies during the late afternoon. During dinner, he constantly reached inside his suit jacket, making sure the velvet box was still there, pressed against his heart. _

_He had the whole thing planned, but was still worried that somehow it would get screwed up._

_"I'm so upset we are leaving tomorrow. Lets just stay and forget that we have to get back to reality." Kirsten really loved the New York Sandy showed her. She got to experience Off-Broadway, free concerts, movies played in Bryant Park, cobblestone street book fairs among other things._

_"Well, I'm glad you had a good time."_

_"I'll never forget it. I still can't believe you grew up here. It's so different than any other place I've ever been."_

_"Yeah, but California has it advantages."_

_"Like what? Besides surfing!" She joked._

_"It has you." He simply said._

_She smiled and leaned in to kiss him. "What is on the agenda tonight?" She asked him this, since he pretty much planned out the entire itinerary over six days._

_"Well, there is something I wanted to show you."_

_"Oh yeah?" She asked seductively._

_"Well there is a lot I want to show you, but this I hope you really enjoy." He followed her outside the restaurant, once again feeling the inside of his suit jacket. He hailed a cab and when they reached their destination, he got out and grabbed her hand helping her out too. He could feel the heat rise deep inside him, starting to become incredibly nervous. It was now or never. He was here and there was no turning back. _

_They stood on a street corner somewhere downtown and Kirsten was looking around trying to figure out where their next destination was. Sandy caught her face in his hands, drawing her attention back to him. "Right now we are standing at the Five Points of New York City. It's where these three streets come together." He pointed to the three of them, creating the five corners in one intersection. He looked back toward Kirsten and continued forward, not waning to back down now. "I have defined five major points in my life. The first point was my Bar Mitzvah. That was the day my religion recognized me as a man. The second point in my life was the day I met you. I love you so much Kirsten." He leaned in to kiss her, wanting to savor every part of this. "The third point will be the day I become a lawyer. It's a goal I have wanted to accomplish for a long time."_

_"It's going to happen Sandy. I know it will." She said reassuringly, still clueless to what was about to happen._

_There was no doubt that he loved this woman so much. "The fourth point in my life will be the day I get married." He stopped talking, and finally some sort of realization spread across her face. "The fifth point in my life will be the day I become a father. So I brought you here because this is one of those places where all the points come together. I don't want to go through the rest of my major life points without you. I don't want to do anything without you."_

_Sandy got down on one knee and held her hands. "I know we come from different worlds and I don't have much to offer you, but I love you more than any one person could love another. I can offer you my hand to hold, my heart to love and my life to share. Kirsten, will you marry me?"_

The doorbell rang and it brought Sandy back to reality. It wasn't long before he and Nicole were on the road heading toward San Diego. There conversation revolved around their plans for the time spent their, high school horror stories, movies and musical taste and of course, Kirsten.

"So apparently my Newpsie connections landed me an invitation to Julie Cooper's charity function next weekend." She started to say.

"Lucky you!" Sandy exclaimed. They had spoken numerous times how much they hated these events, but knew they were always for a cause and had to show up.

"Thanks. So I was wondering if you wanted to go. I'm not sure if you get your own invite these days, but I think it would much more bearable if I had company." When Sandy didn't say anything, she decided to continue. "I know Kirsten is going to be there, so I totally understand if you want to steer clear."

He smiled at her tactics. She was really able to read his thoughts. "I hated going to those things with Kirsten. It's going to be awful, isn't it?"

"Pretty much. Yeah." She said back, playfully.

"You make it sound so tempting." He joked.

"You don't have to. I just thought it would be more fun with you than without you. Believe me, it's not a big deal."

"Yes, it is." Sandy knew this was going to be very difficult, but it had to be done. "I'll go. We have to learn to co-exist in this town, right?"

"Right."

Once they checked into the hotel, they changed into the swimwear and headed to the beach. They surfed all day and stayed there until the sun started to go down. They both wanted to leave the beach, but neither of them knew where it was supposed to go from there.

"How about we get cleaned up and grab some dinner?" Sandy suggested.

Sandy didn't know what to do with himself while she was getting ready. With Kirsten, he always shared the bathroom while she showered and got ready. He didn't know where he was supposed to be. He decided to stay out on the balcony and enjoy the views until she came out to join him. "Deep in thought?" She asked.

"Not really." He suddenly felt a little uncomfortable. "Let me go get ready and then we can go."

Once they arrived at dinner, Nicole brought up his uncomfortable ness. "You seem a little jittery all of a sudden."

Sandy gave her a reassuring smile. "It's not you. I promise. I just feel a little out of my element. I'm sorry."

"If you want to leave..." She started to say.

"No. It's fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Sandy responded to Nicole but his mind was elsewhere. It was on his Kirsten, the Five Points, the celebratory sex they had all over Caleb's precious penthouse.

Once they got back to the room, neither of them knew what to do. Nicole decided she was going to change into some sort of sleepwear and just get into bed. She was starting to grow a little frustrated with Sandy and wished he would take control of the situation.

When she emerged from the bathroom, she asked. "Are we going surfing tomorrow?" She wanted to talk about something they had in common and not make things so awkward.

"Yes, of course." He went into the bathroom and changed into pajama bottoms and came back out with no shirt on. It was nothing that Nicole hadn't seen before. They were surf partners, but this was different. He climbed into bed with Nicole and once again pretended it was Kirsten next to him.

He cradled her from behind, loving to feel a woman in his arms. "So, am I going to have to wear a tux for this thing next weekend?"

"Are you going to complain about it if I say yes?" She asked back.

Sandy's eyes opened immediately. Kirsten would have never joked with him about that. He laughed as he answered. "I'm definitely going to complain, even if I go in my board shorts."

She made the first move and decided to face him. Sandy felt a twinge in his groin, thinking of what it meant that she turned to face him. He leaned in and kissed her lips, each time feeling more familiar to him. She moved one of her legs over his, indicating that this time she wanted more. He moved his body closer to her and felt her breasts pressed up against his chest. He slowly rolled over her, not being able to control the hardness in his pants.

He knew it wasn't because he was desperate for her. He knew it was because he was so damn horny and for once, didn't want to control himself.

His fingertips played with the hem of her pajama tank top and in one swoop, lifted it over the top of her head. His lips quickly made their way across her chest as his groin felt like it was going to explode. He couldn't help it. Nicole was an attractive woman with a great body. _Kirsten's body was better_, he thought. As soon as Kirsten entered his mind, he couldn't get her out. He hit that spot on her neck that made Kirsten moan. Nothing. Silence. His hands wandered to the waistline of her pajama pants, where Kirsten usually arched her back letting her groin hit his. Nothing. She laid flat on her back. He felt her hand on his groin, expecting his member to be massaged up and down. Her hand moved in circles. This wasn't right. Nothing about this was right. He moved his hands beneath the material and under her undergarments. He expects to feel that thin, coarse line of hair, not the amount that was actually there. It wasn't Kirsten. His fingers played on her lips below, expecting to feel him being pushed onto his back and her be on top. She once again, stayed still. He inserted one finger expecting to hear a loud moan, but silence met his ears again. He wanted it to be the way it was with Kirsten.

Sandy moved his arms underneath her and rolled her over on top of him. He broke the kiss, wanting to be meet with dark blue desperate eyes. Instead he was met with skeptical brown ones. He didn't know how to tell her that he couldn't sleep with her. He wasn't ready to have sex with another woman. As if she could read his mind, her lips moved toward his chest and made their way downward. Her tongue trailed his chest, past his stomach and down to the elastic of his pants. He expected her to pull his pants down. Kirsten always did, but she remained still. Sandy lifted his body off the mattress to remove his pants. Sandy wanted the blowjob. He needed the blowjob. He knew it wouldn't take long anyway. He watched her carefully, waiting for her to make eye contact with him. Kirsten always tossed him that devilish smile, knowing he was in for it. She didn't lift her head.

Nicole wanted him to see her in a sexual way and figured this would be the best way. She knew that this trip would be the turning point of their relationship and she was determined to take it to another level. She needed him to want her like he wanted Kirsten.

Once Sandy felt her mouth on him, he relaxed a bit, wanting to enjoy it. It felt so different than what he was used to. Her lips only moved in one motion. Kirsten always varied it. He tongue didn't come out to play. Her hands rested on his inner thighs. Kirsten always used both her hands to please. Usually he pulled Kirsten's blonde hair away to let her know he was about to come. Usually she finished him with her hand, but sometimes she would surprise him and swallow everything he had to offer.

He didn't even think about that with Nicole. He just verbally announced that he was ready and that was it. She was taken by surprise, but didn't say anything about it. Sandy felt bad about what he did, but he felt more remorse that he didn't respect her enough to pull her head away. All he cared about was that it wasn't Kirsten he was with.

When Nicole came eye level with him, he felt the need to apologize. "I'm sorry. I just couldn't control myself."

She smiled. "Well I would consider that a good thing." She didn't expect much more from him that night so she rolled over away from him hoping he would hold her in his arms.

He felt as if she deserved at least a little bit of cuddle time. He wrapped his arms over her waist as he thought about how awkward this all was. He and Kirsten would talk for hours after they made love. He realized he had nothing to say to Nicole.

The next morning, he woke up to an empty bed. He realized there was a note on the pillow next to him.

_"Went surfing. The waves are calling your name."_

He made his way to the beach and spotted her immediately. There were a group of men staring at her out there, reminding Sandy that she was a very attractive woman. He placed his things in the sand, grabbed his board and paddled out to meet her.

"Good morning, sleepy head." She said when she saw him.

"Morning. You got out here early huh?" Sandy really wished he would let himself love this woman. After last night he knew that wasn't going to be possible, but he would try.

"Yeah. I didn't sleep well."

"I'm sorry about last night."

"My mind was plagued with why you and I are so good with each other during the day, but so awkward at night?"

Sandy knew this statement was very true. "I have no idea." He thought about it, trying to come up with a better answer. "Maybe it's because I'm trying to hard."

"Maybe!" She said before smiling. "But I appreciate the fact that you are trying with me."

He loved their light banter. "I should be the one appreciate you and last night."

The next day Sandy was at his office, his mind now occupied with Nicole and how he needed to get his relationship with her in some sort of working order. They spent the rest of the day surfing, before packing up and driving back. They had a great time, but he knew it would have been better if he were there with Kirsten. He felt that time was healing his deep wounds and that he was torn between moving past what she did with Jimmy and moving past their marriage all together.

"Someone is very tan." She simply stated.

Sandy looked up from his desk and saw her standing there. Her sexy business suit, her blonde hair pulled back, her make-up applied just right.

"Someone is very sober." He joked, remembering the condition she was in the last time he saw her.

"Very funny!"

"What are you doing here?"

"How was your little trip?" Kirsten couldn't help but ask. She knew from Seth and Ryan that he was away this past weekend.

"I asked you first." He said

"I asked you second." She countered.

He knew he would never win. "It was good. I managed to get in a lot of surfing and I was away from Newport. How could it not be good?"

"You forgot to mention that it was good because you were with Nicole." She said knowingly.

"I didn't forget." He stated back. He couldn't tell her that she occupied her thoughts all weekend long. "Why are you here?"

Kirsten knew that part of the conversation was closed. "I actually came here for two reasons. Neither of them you are going to like."

"Great!" He said sarcastically. "You really love delivering bad news huh?" He couldn't believe he was now joking with her.

She ignored him. "This upcoming weekend Julie is hosting an event. She really needs to get a good crowd, and as much as I know you hate these things, I was really hoping you would show."

"I know. I'm going." He said quickly.

Kirsten thought about how he would know about this already. Nicole! She knew it was likely but felt the need to ask. "Did Nicole mention it to you?"

Sandy felt bad telling her this. "Yeah. She asked me to go with her." He didn't want to say anymore, knowing what that last statement actually meant.

"And are you?" She asked incredulously. "Going with Nicole?"

He tried to make it sound like it wasn't a big deal. He didn't want to draw attention to the fact that all of Newport would know they were no longer together. "Yeah, even though I told her how much I hate these stupid things. On the plus side, she didn't seem to mind when I told her I would be wearing my board shorts."

Kirsten just stared at him, trying to comprehend what he was saying to her. When she couldn't formulate the words, he helped her along. "What was the other reason you came here?" He hoped it was to tell him that she wanted to go with him to the event.

It was the complete opposite. "Well I thought this was going to be really hard, but you just made it very easy." She dropped the stack of legal papers and forms on his desk. "You need to sign these and get them back to my lawyer by the end of the week."

She actually did it. She had the papers drawn up. He couldn't believe she took the next step. "Are you serious?" He asked, afraid she was going to say yes.

"Yes. I had them drawn a few weeks ago, but I was having trouble getting them here. I was supposed to have a courier service bring them, but I chose to bring them myself."

"Why are you doing this?" He asked.

"Why? I guess because you are going to show everyone next weekend that you are now with someone else."

She felt the tears pool, her eyelids trying to hold back the liquid from dripping. She didn't want to cry in front of him. "Just sign them. I'll see you over the weekend."

The week passed rather quickly. She hadn't seen either Nicole or Kirsten, although he knew he was on speaking terms with Nicole. He knew he sunk to a new low this week. He knew Kirsten was going to be royally pissed, but he didn't care. He hated being pushed into something he was unsure of. He always forged his own path and no one ever stood in his way.

He spent the papers back to her office unsigned.

When Kirsten received them, she wasn't upset or angry. A part of her knew that it meant this whole saga would be dragged on even longer. The other part of her was thrilled that he was afraid to sign. That had to mean something. Maybe it was all wishful thinking, since this weekend she was going to have to face them together.

Saturday morning Kirsten went into her office building for two reasons. The charity even was being thrown in her office lobby and decided to help with the set up. She also wanted to go back to her office to grab the separation papers. She needed to decide if she was going to present them to Sandy or not.

When she walked in, the first thing she noticed was that not only was Nicole present, she was talking with Julie. At first Kirsten immediately felt anger toward Julie. The word traitor came to mind. Julie spotted her from across the high vaulted room.

"Hi." She kissed Kirsten on the cheek and then looked her in the eyes. She kept her voice low. "I had no idea that she was going to be here. I'm sorry."

Kirsten put on her best, fake, Newpsie smile. "That's okay. What can I do to help?"

Julie still whispered as she caught Nicole staring at them from across the room. "She has been asking me a lot of questions about you and Sandy. She gave me the impression that their trip didn't go as well as she wanted."

"Julie, I don't want to get into this."

"Stop pretending like this doesn't bother you."

"Of course it bothers me, but what am I supposed to do."

"Go talk to her." Julie pushed.

"What am I supposed to say?"

"I don't know. Maybe you can express one of the million thoughts invading your mind."

About an hour went by as Kirsten helped Julie but stayed far away from Nicole as possible. She was about to leave, happy to avoid the whole situation when she and Nicole headed for the door at the same time.

"Go ahead." Kirsten motioned for her to exit first.

"Thanks." She said and held the door for Kirsten to follow behind her.

Kirsten started walking in the opposite direction toward her car when she heard her name being called. Almost got away! She turned around and surprisingly enough, Nicole was only about ten feet away from her. Kirsten looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to say something.

"I just didn't want things to weird between us. I know we were never really friends, but I don't want you and I to be enemies either."

Kirsten could sense how nervous she was. "Wow." She replied sarcastically. "You've been hanging around my husband for only a few months and already you are rambling."

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to say that."

Kirsten then felt bad. She was just trying to be nice. "It's just hard for me not to be enemies with the person who is sleeping with my husband."

Nicole was surprised that Kirsten had these thoughts, let alone, expresses them. "We're not..." She was going to explain that they hadn't had sex, but what was the point.

Kirsten interrupted her, wanting to end the conversation. "I appreciate you approaching me and trying to ease the awkwardness. I really do. I also know that with the amount of time you have been spending with Sandy, you must know by now everything that has gone on. I can't pretend that seeing you with him doesn't kill me because it does. But I recognize that he is hurting and needs to move on. You better give him what he deserves because I really don't want to see him hurt like that anymore. Be good to him because he deserves at least that."

Nicole wanted to set her straight. She knew Kirsten had all the wrong thoughts about them. She knew she thought it was much more serious than it was. Ultimately she knew Sandy didn't feel that strongly for her. Kirsten would always be his first priority. "Kirsten, I think you ..."

Kirsten interrupted again. "I have to run, but I will see both of you tonight."

Nicole just stood there wondering if she should have told Kirsten the truth. Regardless, Kirsten didn't give her the chance. Tonight should be interesting.

Later that evening, Kirsten stood in front of her closet trying to decide what to wear. She knew she always looked good, but tonight she wanted to turn heads. Red. She was definitely going to wear red. Sandy always told her it was her best color.

After one final look in the mirror, she headed downstairs when she heard the doorbell ring. With the boys being out, she answered it.

"Wow." She heard the words, but was perplexed to why Carter was at her house. How did he even know where she lived?

She smiled, knowing how to always be gracious. "Thank you." She was flattered and thrilled that at least she got someone's attention. "What are you doing here?"

"Your father said you would be going tonight and said you might need an escort."

Kirsten was fuming. Why did her dad always have to get involved? She had no interest in impressing anyone other than Sandy. She knew better though. She knew he would be there with Nicole. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea. "Well I was going to go alone and just so you know, I don't NEED an escort."

"Okay, but I hired a car for the evening. We can drink enough to hopefully black out and not remember we had to be there."

She laughed at his honesty. "You don't like these things either?" She asked.

"I rather be at the dentist, if that's any measurement."

"Okay."

"Great." She as they opened the door to go back outside to the car, Seth was just getting home. He noticed his mom with some strange man. He rolled his eyes, making sure she saw it. "Seth!" She called before he was able to walk past her.

He spun around, looking annoyed but giving her his attention. It was the least he could do since the lecture Sandy gave him a few days back. "Yeah?"

"This is Carter Buckley. He is the editor of Newport Living and works with your grandfather."

Kirsten hoped that Seth would be civil and not embarrass her. Seth extended his arm and shook his hand.

"My son just started his own graphic novel. A company called Wild Storm expressed interest and he has been meeting with them for the past few months."

"Mom, stop." Seth was now the one embarrassed.

"Really? I know someone at Marvel. You interested in receiving a counter-offer? Marvel always tries to buy up new ones so they always have a leg up."

"Are you serious?" Seth couldn't believe it.

"Yeah. Send me a storyboard and I will fax it out on Monday."

"Thanks. That would be great."

Kirsten interrupted. "We're going to go. Don't be home too late if you go out tonight."

Seth ignored her and headed toward the living room. He thought about what his dad said. _She had made sacrifices her whole life for you_. He suddenly turned around and called for her before she closed the door behind her.

"Mom."

Kirsten opened the door back up to see what he wanted.

"You look nice." Seth figured it was some sort of peace sign.

"Thanks Seth." Although it was simple words, tears welled up in her eyes. She knew it was a very big moment for the two of them. She turned away from him and left. She didn't want to ruin it with anymore words.

When they arrived at the Newport Group, they could hardly tell they were in their office lobby. Julie did a fabulous job with with the decorating. Not even realizing that her arm was link with his, they made their way further into the room. Julie was the first to spot Kirsten and was extremely confused to why she walking in with Carter? Did they come together? Was something going on between them? No, Kirsten would have told her. As she made her way over to them, she couldn't help but notice that Kirsten looked fabulous.

"Julie! Everything looks magnificent." She smiled, really admiring the work Julie had done. "Is my dad here?"

"Yeah. He's having cognacs with some business partners." She turned her attention to Carter. "Hi Carter. Glad to see you could make it."

"I really didn't have a choice. Caleb pretty much made me take Kirsten." He joked around pretending that he didn't want to be there with Kirsten. That couldn't be further from the truth. He was thrilled to be her date.

Kirsten laughed at how crass he was. He was so much like Sandy, it was crazy. "Very funny!" She explained herself to Julie. "You know how my dad loves to get involved with my life."

"Would either of you like a drink?" Carter asked, trying to be a gentleman.

Once Carter left, Julie started the interrogation. "Are you two...?"

"No. I knew that was what you were thinking though." Kirsten eyes were focusing around the room, looking for only one person.

"Are you sure? Because they way he looks at you says more!" Julie noticed Kirsten wasn't even paying attention to her.

"I know. I think he has feelings. He told me so when we kissed..."

"You kissed him?"

"Yeah. It was nothing. We went on a date a while back."

"How come you never told me?"

Kirsten's eyes focused back on Julie. "Because maybe you were asking me crazy things about Sandy one drunken night, not about Carter!" She smiled, knowing she was right.

Julie laughed, knowing it was true. She had been so pre-occupied with getting information on Sandy that she never thought Kirsten would try and move on herself. Julie spotted Cal across the room and decided to join him. "I have to run, but he's at the bar with Nicole if you're still wondering."

Kirsten eyes immediately sought through the crowd and there he was. Wearing his chocolate brown suit with powder blue shirt underneath, he never looked better. Nicole was by his side, rubbing a comforting hand alongside his back. _Why did she have to do that_, she thought.

She felt the need to go over, but didn't know what to do. She didn't care. She just wanted to do something. She had those papers in her purse, waiting for her to give them back to Sandy for him to sign. She knew she wanted to be alone with him. She didn't want Nicole in their personal business.

Sandy saw her from the moment she arrived. He remembered meeting Carter and was surprised to see them enter together. With their arms linked, he wondered if they were more than just co-workers. Kirsten never mentioned that she was coming with Carter. She should have mentioned it. He told her about Nicole, why would she hide this from him? Oh he forgot! That is what she did. She hid things. His anger, once again was building.

He turned to Nicole asking her if she wanted another shot.

His first one was done when he first got a glimpse of her.

The second one was done when he saw Carter with her. Was she the one moving on instead of him?

Asking Nicole to do a third one as his anger built, made her question him. "Either you really hate these things, or you have spotted Kirsten." She simply stated.

"I really hate these things!" He said laughing; both knowing the latter was true too.

She was a Newpise and getting too drunk in front of her peers was not in the cards. Then she saw Kirsten making her way over and decided a shot wouldn't be a bad idea.

She smiled sweetly at Kirsten and said hello once she was right in front of them. Sandy turned around to face her, mesmerized by her beauty. "Hi." He said, knowing full well that he was ignoring Nicole. He had to be a gentleman. "You remember Nicole?" He asked.

"Yes. Actually we were here today setting up together."

"You were?" He asked, directing it toward Nicole.

"There you are!" Carter exclaimed from behind Kirsten with her glass of chardonnay.

"Oh! Thank you! Carter?" Kirsten asked. " Do you remember Sandy and Nicole?" Kirsten was trying to pretend that this wasn't awkward, but it was.

"Yes. Nice to see you again." Carter knew how to be just as polite. Then he caught Caleb's eye, summoning them over. "I think you father wants to speak with us."

Kirsten's eyes locked with her father's, knowing exactly what he was thinking. He was full of sabotage. "Okay." She smiled. She turned back to Sandy and Nicole, picking up the shot glass and smelling it. She turned to Nicole, knowing that Sandy was drinking Tequila. "If it's not Pitrone, he is going to be really sick tonight."

Sandy hated when she played the conniving game. She could be ruthless when she wanted to be. He knew that stemmed from being Caleb Nichol's daughter. He knew she usually got what she wanted.

After about two hours of dinner and dancing, Kirsten started to notice that Sandy was drunk. She knew he hated these things but he never got drunk at these functions. Now that she was thinking about it, he was always the driver. She never let him drink because she was always doing enough for the both of them. Now he was getting to do all the things she never let him do.

Sandy knew he was drunk, but didn't want to stray away from the bar. He knew how the crowd must have been talking about the fact that Sandy was there with Nicole. He knew they must have been wondering what had happened. Yes, staying by the bar was safe.

Kirsten was dancing with her father, when he asked. "So, are you and Carter hitting it off?"

"Why would you do that? Send him over to my house and make him take me here."

"You couldn't come alone and I knew Sandy was going to be flaunting his new relationship in your face."

"Oh yeah? And how did you know that?"

"Fathers know all Kiki." He smiled kissing her on the forehead, making eye contact with Carter to cut in.

When Carter approached, Kirsten knew her father's tactics. "May I?" He asked Caleb's permission.

They danced pretty well together considering they had never done so in the past. "How is it going with Sandy here? Are you okay?" He started.

"He's drunk so I guess I'm okay, right?"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really!"

"Maybe you should. I'm here if you want me to be. I mean I want to be." He rambled.

She looked at him, and for the first time, saw that he was being sincere. "That's sweet and I will keep it in mind."

Sandy saw them dancing together. He watched as she smiled at him. He watched this man wrap his arms around his Kirsten. He looked for Nicole and saw her talking with a younger generation of Newspies. He knew what he was doing, but he didn't care feeling the effects of alcohol run through his entire body.

He walked as carefully as he could toward them on the dance floor. Kirsten immediately pulled away from Carter when she saw Sandy there. "I would like to dance with my wife." He declared.

"Kirsten?" Carter asked, making sure it was okay with her.

"Thank you Carter." She replied, just wanting him to go away for the time being.

Their bodies immediately found their home. The place they both wanted to rest. They took their formal dancing stance. It was not the dancing stance they had in college or the one behind closed doors, but their stance that the public eye always admired.

"I was hoping you would eventually come over." She whispered.

"Why are you here with him?"

"What?" She asked.

"Carter."

"I'm not with him." She said firmly. "Please Sandy! Don't turn this into something it's not."

"You should have told me you were coming with him."

"I wasn't planning to. My father sent him to our house to take me so I didn't have to come alone. That's all."

Sandy wasn't convinced, but who could blame him. Kirsten has been known to lie about other men before. "It's your house. I don't live there anymore."

"You're drunk and it will always be our house."

"You feel so good Kirsten."

Under normal circumstances, a line like that meant Kirsten could easily have her way with him. That was not the case tonight. She was afraid to ask it, but was dying to know. Since he was drunk he was bound to tell the truth. "Are you sleeping with her?"

"Nicole?" He asked

"Please don't tell me you are dating other women besides her?"

"No."

Kirsten was the sober one and now confused. "No, you are not sleeping with her? Or no you are not dating other women?

"Both!" He replied back.

The song was almost ending and instead of letting go he closed the gap between them. It was almost as if they were embraced in a full body hug as they swayed to the music. "You look amazing tonight."

"So do you." She complimented back. "I always love you in this suit."

"I know." He said. He was now moving his hands up and down her back, wishing they were not in the middle of the dance floor.

Kirsten wasn't positive, but she had an idea where this was headed "I received those papers unsigned a few days ago. What are...?"

He interrupted. "I'm not signing them Kirsten.

"They are upstairs in my office. I think you might need to have another look at them." She said seductively.

He caught her drift immediately. "Fifteen minutes?" He asked, knowing he had to make sure Nicole had no idea where he was going.

"You better be there in ten."

After their dance, Sandy found Nicole and she seemed to be too occupied at the moment to even notice he walked away from her again. He made his way to the elevators and hit the number four, taking him to the top floor. He made two lefts and headed down the long corridor to her office. When he entered the first thing he noticed was the mess of papers on her desk. She was always so neat and organized, it surprised him. The second thing he noticed was that all the pictures of him were taken down. Their wedding day photo, the photo from the hospital the day Seth was born, the photo of the two of them dancing when they first moved to Newport and the chrismukah photo were all missing. They were replaced with recent ones of Seth and Ryan.

Kirsten approached her office when she saw Sandy looking at the things on her desk. "You beat me up here." She didn't know what to say but wanted to break the silence.

"You took down all your old pictures."

"It was just too hard to stare at them everyday." She made her way over to him and grabbed his face so she stared into his blue yes. "You can understand that right?"

"Yes. Can you understand how hard things have been for me?" He wanted to explain to her that he thought about her all the time. Every time he was with Nicole, he was making a comparison. He wanted to be able to trust her again, forgive her, but he just didn't know how to do that.

There were too many words to be spoken for a man in his condition. Tequila always got to him. "I'm so torn all the time. Right now I just want you so bad." He kissed her lips passionately, loving how they felt. Her long fingers played with his tie, pulling it off with ease after twenty-five years of practice. He opened his mouth and slid his tongue meeting hers at lightning speed.

She missed his strong arms holding her against his body. She wanted more but once again let him take control. He needed to feel like he was the domineering factor in their sex life. She knew if the tables were turned his mind would immediately drift to Jimmy.

His hands roamed her back until his fingers came into contact with the zipper. He slid it down easily, turning his wife around so that he back was against her own desk. She was almost in a sitting position when the dressed slid right down her slim body, revealing her breasts.

"You always look good in red." He stated, before his lips sucked at her bare nipples. They were hard with anticipation and she felt her own underwear becoming moist.

As she let her dress pool to the floor and stepped out of it, her hands found his belt buckle. She needed him out of them now. She needed him inside her now.

As she pulled down his pants, he lifted her up and placed her bare ass on her desk. She gasped at the coldness, before his lips heated her up again. He slid his hand into her underwear and smiled to himself as he felt that thin line of hair still perfectly groomed. As soon as he inserted two fingers, he heard her moan loudly as if it was music to his ears. "I love when you get loud." He said wanting to hear her raspy voice calling him for more.

She pulled down her own underwear, wanting to speed along what was about to happen. She couldn't wait any longer. His lips attacked her neck again, making her moan as she was massaging and guiding his member toward her. She felt him resist. She gave her best seductive look, combined with her best dirty talk voice. "Don't you want me?"

He smiled knowing that normally he would have given in. "I want you to want me more." He continued to massage her inner thighs, no longer going near her slit. She couldn't wait for him any longer. Her own fingers played with herself, trying to satisfy her even though she really wanted him. She moaned loudly as she pulsating her own fingers in and out.

Sandy loved when she got like this. There was a side to her that he knew Jimmy didn't even get to see. It was reserved for him and him only. He felt like he was going to come right in his pants when he watched his wife self satisfy herself.

He couldn't resist her anymore. He edged his dick to her entrance and slowly pulled her hand away. "Tell me what you want."

She edged her ass as close as she could get to him without falling off the desk. She cried out to him desperately. "I want you to fuck me."

Sandy plunged into her as hard as he could. She felt so good, combined with the vision in front of him. Her back arched, urging him for more. Her hard nipples only visual from the moonlight shining through the window. Her eyes closed, knowing she was thoroughly enjoying what was happening.

She missed him so much, knowing that if this were the only way she could have him, she would take it. She didn't need a commitment. For now, she just needed to know that he still wanted her.

He felt the tightening of his balls and knew he was going to explode. Once he heard Kirsten's voice, there was no turning back. "I want you to come so hard." She said right before kissing his neck in the spot that pushed him over the edge.

He moaned loudly, grunting a few curse words that it was all going to be over soon. She let him finish, brushing his black hair away from his face. She decided she didn't want it to be over and kissed his lips passionately while he went limp inside her.

After a few minutes of catching their breaths, they started to redress, trying to make themselves look presentable. "I know we shouldn't doing this..." He started.

"But it feels so good?" She finished.

"Yeah."

"I know."

"I'm having trouble letting you go."

She decided to tell him the truth that he didn't want to hear. "You can't really have me unless you can trust me. You and I both know that."

"I know."

She moved closer to him after examining herself in the mirror. "But just so you know..." She said while straightening his tie. An act she had done a million times in the past. "I'm willing to do that with you anytime you want." She smiled, letting him know that what they did was okay with her.

"I have to get back to Nicole." She said softly, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

"Okay." She looked to the floor and saw that their lovemaking pushed the separation papers to the floor. She bent down, scattered them together and picked them up. "I need you to take these with you. I need for you to really consider this."

"I don't..."

"Just take them, hold on to them, sign them. The ball needs to be put into your court. You need to decide what is going to happen. You know what I want. It's up to you."

"Okay." He leaned in and kissed her on the cheek, wishing he had the courage to tell her what he really wanted.

"I'll go first so no one gets suspicious."

She exited and with that, their tryst was over. He couldn't believe that they had sex in her office. _If Seth found out, he would kill me_, he thought.

Tonight was one night where Sandy wished he were alone. It had been a long time since he felt this way, but spending time with Kirsten had his mind completely occupied. He wished he didn't plan to have Nicole sleep over, but it was too late. She was already there changing out of her dress and making herself comfortable in his bed.

When he took off his suit jacket, the papers fell out of his pocket. Nicole noticed immediately. "What's that?" She asked as Sandy unbuttoned his shirt, just wanting to get into bed and go to sleep.

He didn't feel like getting into it, but knew after what he did, he at least owed her the truth. "They're separation papers. Kirsten gave them to me tonight."

Nicole immediately got out of bed and made her way over to him. "Oh Sandy." She methodically rubbed his back. "I'm so sorry." Even though, she really wasn't.

He smiled and headed into the bathroom, hoping this conversation was over. When he returned, she asked. "Are you going to sign them?" She couldn't help but ask. She needed to know where they stood. Were they ever going to live outside the shadow of his marriage?

"I don't know." He said it firmly, so she knew he was done talking about it.

--

--

_**Keep me motivated. Use that mouse!**_


	21. Getting Somewhere!

_**You guys all rock!! Your positive feedback and encouraging words truly make my day. It really means so much to me!**_

_**I'm hesitant to post this chapter because I feel as if you are all going to hate me. Two things happen that I feel I will get a lot of backlash. I apologize in advance, but know I don't encourage drug use or casual sex. Don't hate me because I am certain you will like the ending!!!**_

_**PrettyInPink 9787 - Who doesn't love Smut?**_

_**Princesssparkle88 - I'm glad you can recognize Sandy's dilema.**_

_**Jennylovekandy - I think your review was cut off mid-sentence.**_

_**Moviesareourbusiness, jen, Cheerleader2006, DisneyGirl829, Robbie - Thanks for the review.**_

_**Michelle - A Carsten fan? I'm more of a Kirsten fan as well, but ultimately a Kandy fan.**_

_**Slinn01 - You're absolutely right. Nicole's patience is wearing thin and I want to slowly let the reader not like her. That has been a challenge. Therapy is something I would consider, but I am trying to let Sandy realize things on his own. It is just going to take some time. Also I didn't mean to portray Kirsten ignoring her children. I am going to try and rectify that.**_

_**SexyEm - Glad you liked the flashback. I was trying to think of something over the top for a proposal, but I went with something simpler. And there was something you mentioned in your review that was dead on. Not going to state what it is, but that is the exact direction this story is going!!!**_

_**KrabbyPatty - Glad you liked the Julie/Kirsten drunk part. I really enjoyed writing it.**_

_**Twinkletoesnelly - I definitely think Kirsten is insecure. I thought Josh Schwartz wrote her character that way when the whole Rebecca thing happened. I'll never forget her line..."The woman you were supposed to marry before ending up with me." Nothing says insecurity like that.**_

_**Perla25 - I'm not saying a word!**_

_**x-christa-x - Thank for the compliment about writing that Nicole/Sandy scene. I wasn't sure if I was able to put into words what I thought it my head.**_

_**Tiffany - You weren't the only one who was worried about Nicole/Sandy little vacation. And you're not beating a dead horse. Maybe I will consider a Peter/Kelly story that develops slowly.**_

_**Nova - I really hope you give this fic a chance because it really is not all Jimmy/Kirsten. It is mostly Kandy.**_

_**Bluetoffee - Have no fear, Jimmy and Sandy will eventually face off!**_

_**Kandyfanz123 - You're right. I don't think the ball will ever be in Sandy's court.**_

_**Beachgirl67 - I'm really glad you gave this fic a chance. To answer your question, I do write for a living but not in this capacity. I work at a TV News station so it is usually the who, what, whens and wheres. I wish I got to write emotional stuff for a living. I'm still young though. Maybe one day. Thanks for the props.**_

_**Panzie - I can't help but ask..when are you going to post a new story??**_

_**Kandy4ever - Have no fear, there will be steamy stuff ahead.**_

He stared at those papers for eight weeks. Two months went by and the longer he waited, the more convinced he was that he was never going to sign them. Fifty-six days and they were once again at a standstill. He wasn't ready to forgive Kirsten, but he wasn't ready to let her go. He should have figured Kirsten's patience would run out. He should have figured her strong will and self-pride would over rule the situation.

He didn't want to lie to himself anymore. Thoughts of forgiving Kirsten, breaking up with Nicole, moving back home plagued his mind every minute of every day. He hated that he was the one with all the power in deciding what was going to happen. He also knew that whatever happens, it was going to effect Seth and Ryan in more ways than one.

The boys have finally gotten to a point where the life they were all living was becoming more of the norm. Ryan was finally accepting the fact that none of what went on was his fault. Sandy and Kirsten couldn't be happier that he was solidifying a place in their family. Seth was showing Sandy more respect and was well on his way to forgiving Kirsten. Sandy knew deep down Seth was extremely disappointed in his mother, but the fact that he was trying made Sandy very proud.

Kirsten was in a much happier place now as well. She knew what happened in her office with Sandy was not the best thing for their mending relationship. In the past two months, nothing physical was going on between them, but this has been the closest they had been since this whole thing started. For the first time in their entire lives, their relationship was strictly platonic. They were actually becoming friends and as much as Kirsten wanted her old life back, she was okay with it. She knew that if this was how things were going to be between them, she could accept it.

Sandy was spending a lot more time at home, trying to mend all the pieces of his broken family. After a lengthy discussion with Seth and Ryan, they both have made a point to be a part of the healing process. He knew Nicole wasn't happy about any of this, but he told her that she had to accept the fact that he has a family that he will always be a part of, no matter what ultimately happens between Kirsten and himself.

There were a few arguments about it, but nothing that would have entirely squashed their relationship. How could it? Nicole was not a very confrontational person, something Sandy really wasn't crazy about. She never fought for anything, never felt passionate enough about anything; never let herself think outside the box. Sandy was learning a lot about her and she really was a wonderful person, but he wasn't so sure she was the wonderful person for him.

The reason he fell in love with Kirsten was because she was a fighter and stood strongly behind her beliefs. She never backed down and challenged Sandy from the day they met.

_They had been dating for about six months and her parents were coming up to Berkeley to visit for Parent's Weekend. Kirsten knew that there was not one part of her life at Berkeley that her parents would approve of, knowing that Sandy would fall into that category. Living in a small dorm room, purchasing used books, second-hand furniture were just some of the things to set her father off. Adding a liberal, self-righteous boyfriend into the mix would not be a good thing. _

_She thought about telling Sandy they were coming. He mentioned that there was no way his mother would fly across the country for something so minimal. She just figured that they were really not that serious, plus she knew her father would scare Sandy off. _

_It was a big mistake on her part to have too much to drink the night before. It was a mistake to have Sandy take her home and spend the night. It was a mistake to forget to set the alarm clock and it was a mistake to oversleep._

_The first thing she heard that morning was a knock on the door. The first thing she felt was the splitting headache and the dry mouth. Then it all hit her._

_Knock._

_Parents._

_Overslept._

_Sandy._

_Bed._

_She didn't know which way to move first. She gave Sandy a hard shove. "Sandy!" She whispered urgently. "You have to get up. My parents are here. You have to hide." She ripped the covers off, jumping out of bed and pulling Sandy along with her._

_"What's going on?" He asked sleepily. _

_"Just hide. I don't think it would be a good idea for you to meet my parents under these circumstances." She strongly stated._

_"Kiki, are you there?" She heard her father call._

_Sandy's eyes widened, when he grasped the full picture. "Wow. He sounds pissed."_

_She grabbed his sneakers off the floor and pushed him towards her closet. "He's not mad. That is just the way he sounds." She said shaking her head._

_He grabbed her into the closet with him and pulled her close. "I bet he would be pissed if he saw me do this." He cupped her face and kissed her passionately while trying to lift her tank top off._

_Another knock._

_Kirsten pulled away from Sandy. "Coming." She called back to the wooden door. "Just stay in here and I will get rid of them."_

_Once Kirsten greeted her parents, she made arrangements to meet them at a local restaurant in a half hour. She told them she needed time to quickly shower and get dressed. She could tell that her father was annoyed that she overslept, but it was better than him being mad about her overnight guest._

_She opened the closet door giving Sandy permission to exit. "I'm sorry about that. I can't believe I overslept."_

_"Considering how many beers you drank last night, I would be surprised if you didn't oversleep."_

_"I'm sorry, but I have to get ready and meet them downtown." She didn't want to leave Sandy, but knew it was really out of her hands at this point._

_"Why don't I come with you?" He asked._

_Kirsten was shocked. She and Sandy weren't even that serious. They hadn't had sex yet and their relationship was not really defined as anything. She was just taken back that he would make such an offer. She tried to play off the weight that was just placed on her shoulder. "Believe me, you don't want to come. You have no idea what a nightmare my father could be." She started picking out something to wear, ignoring the hurt look on his face._

_Sandy knew where she came from. He knew her background and the type of people she was born and bred to walk with. He immediately knew she was embarrassed of him. She couldn't dare let her father know she was hanging out with a democratic dreamer who comes from a blue-collar family._

_"Are you sure?" He asked, trying one more time._

_"I'm positive, but thanks for the offer." She knew she hurt his feelings and wanted to soften the blow. "But how about we meet up later for happy hour?" She thought she was doing this for the good of everyone involved. _

_Sandy was really pissed. She hurt his feelings and she didn't even know it. He knew that they were from different worlds but never did she seem to care about that. He was good enough for her at Berkeley, but not for her home life and her family. "Sure. I get it. See you later." He grabbed his things and left, slamming the door behind him._

_A few hours later, Kirsten walked into the local pub to meet Sandy. She spotted him from across the bar and immediately noticed he didn't just get there. He looked like he had already has a few and she knew it had to do with her. She knew he was pissed when he left._

_She wanted to approach this situation with ease, but knew Sandy was stubborn and things were going to be misconstrued. "Hi. Can I talk to you for a minute?" She wasn't going to let the problem linger. She always figured to face things head on and resolve things before they get out of hand._

_Sandy handed his beer to his friend and they walked outside to talk. "How was your lunch? Or was it brunch?" He said sarcastically._

_"Well at least now I don't need to ask if your mad."_

_"I just thought you were different. I guess my expectations were too high."_

_"What?" She didn't know he even had expectations._

_"I get it. I get that you are a spoiled little rich girl who gets off on dating guys you would never bring home to Daddy. It's safe! This way you never really have to get close to anyone."_

_"You have a lot of nerve!" She had to hear things like that a lot while she was at Berkeley, but it was never from anyone who actually took the time to know her. That is why it hurt so bad hearing it from Sandy._

_"I have a lot of nerve?" He asked. "You don't have the right to be mad. I thought you were different Kirsten. I thought you have valued the person I am from what you know of me. I guess none of it mattered."_

_"You're delusional. You have no idea what you are talking about!" She was getting so mad, she didn't even want to explain it to him._

_"Let me ask you this. Do you think I'm stupid?" He said, feeling pathetic. When she didn't answer, he asked again. "Do you?"_

_"No." She said quietly._

_"Then why would you think that I would never find out how you really felt?"_

_"You still have no idea how I really feel."_

_"I know that I'm not good enough to meet your father. I'm not worthy of an introduction. I could never fit into your pony-riding, tea party, country club life."_

_"That's not it!" She yelled, not wanting to keep it in any longer. "You can think whatever you want, but the truth is I didn't think it was fair to put you through having to be humiliated by my father. I think you are one of the most intelligent, generous, funny, selfless and caring people I have ever met. But you are also stubborn and judgmental. I was just trying to spare you the interrogation. I pride myself on the fact that I am nothing like my father. I have feelings and share emotions, but more importantly, I hate to be judged." With that, she walked away from him, not once looking back._

_Not many people had the ability of putting Sandy in his place, but she did. He knew from that moment that she was a passionate, confrontational person who was not afraid of much._

Kirsten was making an effort to leave work by six every night to spend time with her family. Everything seemed to be going back to normal in her eyes as well. Besides the lack of sex in her life, her family was starting to stand back up on its own. She was grateful that her boys stopped worrying and started smiling around them again. She was happy that she and Sandy were able to joke and laugh about the smaller things in life. It had been a long time since she looked forward to coming home, but it felt like she was rushing to get out of work.

She also knew that Nicole was still in the picture, but was glad that Sandy was still making an effort. She felt bad that he was leading a double life, but she was too in her own way. She was still dating Carter - if you could call it that. They went on a few more dates, probably to ease Sandy's mind more than her own. She felt like she was forcing it, but knew she had to try something else.

Seth was okay with the fact that Carter was in her life. She knew it was because of his comic book connections, but she wasn't going to question it. She and Seth were almost back to normal. Ryan was just happy that she and Sandy were getting along. He knew that Kirsten was trying and that was all he could ask of her. It was more than his own mother ever did.

They were just finishing up dinner. Sandy came by earlier than usual to make use of the grill. The one thing he hated about apartment living was that he had no access to a barbeque. Kirsten did the grocery shopping, Sandy did the grilling, and the boys set the table. Just hearing all the playful banter in the house helped Sandy and Kirsten realize, bit by bit, that things were going to be okay. They were still ultimately a strong family.

Seth, as usual, monopolized the conversation. Chrismukah was approaching and he discussed the list of things he desperately needed this year to survive. Ryan never asked for anything, but made mention that he really wanted a new bike. Kirsten and Sandy stayed quiet, not knowing what the boundaries were for them surrounding this uber holiday.

Once they finished, Seth challenged Ryan to a duel of playstation. Since Kirsten and Sandy never just sat around the table by themselves, he decided to get up and start clearing the plates. She joined him at the kitchen sink and started rinsing the plates, wanting to bring up the holidays and what was going to happen.

"Seth seems excited as usual about Chrismukah."

"Did you think he wasn't going to be?" He replied, smiling.

She smiled back, both knowing that their son gets hyped up every year around this time. "I definitely think we need to get Ryan a new bike."

"Definitely." Sandy agreed. "That kid never asks for anything."

Kirsten wanted to just get it over with. "I know it is still two months away, but how are we going to handle it?"

"Handle what?"

"Are we going to still keep up our family traditions?"

"I don't think we should discontinue anything." He said, turning his body to face her.

"Are you going to sleep here on Christmas Eve?" She hesitantly asked.

"I hadn't really thought about it." He was silently trying to figure it all out in his head. "Well we normally open one gift each at midnight and since Seth gets up pretty early, I guess so."

"Do you want to sleep here?" She put the emphasis on the 'you' part. She moved her body closer to his.

He, in return, placed his hand on the lower part of her back. "Do you want me to sleep here?" Once again, he was asking her to express what she wanted. He constantly needed that reassurance.

"Not only on Christmas Eve." Those five words said it all to him.

He slipped his hands up her back, wanting her all over again. It must be the kitchen, because it was the one place they would secretly make out in before having to move things to the bedroom. He looked into her eyes and all he saw was truth and honesty. It was something he hadn't seen in a long time. He captured her lips with his own, and for the first time in a long while, kissed her slowly, gently, and full of passion.

She missed this kind of contact with Sandy. They had all types of passion, but this one was her favorite. It was the loving kind and it felt like an eternity since they connected this way. She didn't want it to end and wrapped her wrists around his neck, urging him to continue. She, again, wanted him to be in control. His tongue probed at her lips, begging her for entrance. She granted it with pleasure and their tongues dueled as the hands started to roam.

Sandy pulled back to see what her eyes her saying to him. She only saw his hardened desperation. He saw a questioning look on her face and took that as a signal to stop.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want you to stop." She explained. "I never want you to stop, but ..."

"It's okay. I shouldn't have..."

"I wanted you to, but the boys are in the pool house. You know their timing is always impeccable."

He smiled, knowing she was right.

She continued, wanting to make sure that Sandy knew she always wanted him. "I just think right now things are going really well with us. The boys are communicating with me and I finally think they are really trying to forgive what I did."

"They really are trying." He said as he still held her close.

"I know. That is why I don't want them to see us like this. It is only going to confuse them. It confuses me and I'm part of the equation. I don't want to cause any more turmoil in their life, since you and I have no idea what we are doing here."

He moved his hands away from her, knowing their moment had completely passed. "What do you mean?"

"Well for one thing, you seem to be at a standstill with those separation papers and..."

"So now you want me to sign them?" He interrupted, starting to feel his anger build.

"I'm not saying that Sandy. It's just that between the papers, the night of the comic launch, the kiss in the foyer and in the car and my office a few weeks back, wouldn't you say things are confusing?"

When he didn't answer, she continued. "Plus the fact that Nicole and Carter and force playing factors..."

"Carter?" He asked. "I didn't know he was still a factor."

"I would call him a factor."

"Then what would you call him?" Sandy was really mad now.

"It's really nothing. It's just a casual thing..."

Sandy didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to think about his wife with yet another man. "Was Jimmy not enough for you?" He seethed.

"What?" She was getting mad too.

"You heard me. Now that we are going through this and Jimmy is gone, you just have to turn to someone else?"

"What about Nicole?" She fired back. "What about the fact that you ..."

"Don't bring her into this. She has nothing to do with this."

"She has everything to do with it. Do you think it is easy for me to know that you are getting laid by someone else? Here's a newsflash Sandy. It's not. At least I'm not sleeping with Carter. When I said I was going to wait for you, I meant it."

"Who said I was sleeping with Nicole?" Sandy was astounded.

"No one knows your needs better than me Sandy. I'm not stupid."

"No, but you assume stupid things." He turned away from her, and started to walk away.

"Now you wonder why I don't want Seth to see us like that?" She was referring to the loving contact they shared moments before.

"Now, I'm not so confused anymore." He said before he turned around and walked away from her, yet again.

Kirsten tossed and turned the entire night, not even comprehending how just a loving, tender moment, turned into a possibly one of their worst fights. She thought about how their moment initially ended, bringing a slight smile to her face.

_Ryan had just come to move in with them and although Seth warned him, he didn't believe that people Sandy and Kirsten's age still were so intimate with each other. Seth said the disadvantage to becoming a Cohen would be that he would have to watch them slobber all over each other._

_Kirsten knew one day Seth would be their age and he would understand. _

_Ryan had been sleeping in the pool house for about a week now and Kirsten was trying to do everything in her power to make him feel as comfortable as possible. She took all the rafts and pool gear out, bought new linens and clothes and all new toiletries. She still wasn't satisfied. She felt that if he was now going to be part of their family, he should move into the main house._

_She was up late one night waiting for the boys to come home from the Bait Shop. They were already late, but Kirsten knew if they were in any sort of trouble, Seth would call. She sat at the island in the middle of the kitchen, making a list of things that needed to be done to move Ryan out of the pool house._

_She was deep in concentration, not even noticing Sandy come in, until he wrapped both his arms around her from behind. "God, you smell good." He whispered._

_She smiled, loving the feel of her husband's embrace. "You feel good. What are you doing up?" She asked._

_"The same as you. They're late, aren't they?"_

_"Yup, but this is all so new for Seth. Let him have some fun for a bit." She said, almost as if she was asking._

_He looked over her shoulder to read her notepad. "What is that about?"_

_She spun around in the stool she was occupying and faced him, knowing this was a serious conversation. "I was thinking that we should move Ryan into one of the guest rooms. We can paint it, buy furniture, decorate, get a computer..." _

_Sandy stopped her before she went on and on about it. "As much as I know you love these sort of home projects, I'm not sure if that is such a good idea."_

_"Really?"_

_"Think about it. Ryan just got here. It is going to take some time to adjust without all of us in his face all the time. He will never get a moment of peace if Seth is right next door." He could tell she was disappointed, so he wanted to ease her mind. "I think it is a great idea and I really appreciate you embracing him and the idea of him into our family. Let's just give him some time."_

_Kirsten hadn't thought about it from Ryan's perspective. "Okay." She knew how excited Sandy was to give Ryan a new life, she was just trying to do the same._

_"Did I tell you today that I love you?" He asked._

_She leaned in and brushed her lips with his. "I don't think you did."_

_"Well I do, with every ounce of my being." She kissed her deeply this time, his arms locking under her thighs. He picked her up off the stool and spun her around so he could sit with her straddling him._

_She was running her hands through his hair and he started working on the buttons of her shirt. "I love you too." She whispered. They were so caught up in each other that they didn't hear the car pull up the driveway or the front door open or close._

_Kirsten's shirt was now hanging off her shoulders, revealing a little bit of her bra as she was undoing the last button of Sandy's shirt. She wanted to drive Sandy wild and there was only one thing she needed to do to make him moan. Since she was straddling him, she moved her body in a rocking motion rubbing her groin against his. He moaned loudly and went to pull Kirsten toward him for another deep kiss when they heard Seth._

_Seth and Ryan were walking toward the kitchen to grab a snack before bed when Seth heard his father moan. He knew that could only mean one thing, which he tried to stop Ryan from seeing. He reached for his arm, but Ryan was too quick._

_"Guys, come on. Ryan's coming in the kitchen." Seth called out trying to alert his parents and warn Ryan all at the same time._

_Ryan turned the corner and caught a glimpse of what was going on. He saw Kirsten straddling Sandy revealing her black lace bra since her shirt was hanging open. Kirsten jumped off a Sandy quickly, landing on both feet, spinning around to face the wall while she buttoned her shirt back up. Ryan also saw Sandy for the first time with his shirt unbuttoned. He couldn't believe for an older guy, how toned Sandy was. He didn't meant to stare, but he had no idea those two behaved like that. Then he noticed the bulge in Sandy's pants and quickly looked away._

_"Sorry." He mumbled. _

_"I tried to warm you dude. You have no idea how many years of therapy I am going to need for the amount of times I was in your shoes."_

_Once Kirsten straightened herself out, she turned around to face Ryan. "It's okay Ryan. We're sorry. We should have known better." Then she noticed Sandy still sitting there with his shirt unbuttoned. "Sandy!" She scolded._

_"What?" He asked smiling innocently, loving how flustered Kirsten got over something so trivial._

_She gave him a knowing look and he knew what that meant. "Okay guys. We're going to bed."_

_"Great, another image I could have done without." Seth said when he finally emerged._

_Once Kirsten and Sandy exited, Ryan stared at Seth in disbelief. "Don't worry. You'll get used to them and their displays of affection._

The following night Sandy was in his apartment waiting to have dinner with Nicole. He thought about the fight he had with Kirsten. He knew that he might have overreacted, but he couldn't help it. He realized that no matter what went on between them, Jimmy would always be the driving force between them. It would always go back to him and what she did. He hated himself for thinking that way, but thought that his mind would always drift in that direction. He would never get over it.

As he sat at the table, he picked up the pen with shaking hands. He haphazardly flipped through the pages and found where the 'X' marked the spot. Another thought of Kirsten sleeping with Jimmy crossed his mind once again, making it easier to sign his name across the dotted line. He stared at the blue ink that contrasted the stark white pages, realizing this would be the only way to get over what happened.

Staring at his name, he thought that he could rip them up. He figured if he burned them, she would have to have them drawn up again. A knock at the door pulled Sandy away from such thoughts. He knew it was Nicole and took that as a sign that he was doing the right thing.

When he answered the door, he still was feeling anger toward Kirsten. He thought that signing the papers would make him feel this great sense of relief but, thirty seconds later, he only felt more weight.

"Hi." Nicole said stepping inside. It didn't take her long to figure out something was really bothering Sandy. "What's wrong?"

Instead of verbally answering her, he pulled her roughly to him and kissed her hard. Her lips were not making angry thoughts of Kirsten go away. His lips never left hers as he took her purse out of her hand and dropped it on the floor next to their feet.

He ushered Nicole backwards, his hands rubbing her back as he deepened the kiss. He just wanted to prove to himself that he was worthy to have someone else want him. He wanted to want someone else too. It didn't really matter who it was.

Nicole broke the kiss and started in his eyes. "What has gotten in to you?" She asked, flirting a bit.

"I just want you. I just want this to finally happen." He said, hoping she wanted to have sex too.

She answered him by pulling his face to hers and kissing him equally hard. She quickly pulled off his shirt as he started to rub her ass. "I guess we are skipping dinner." She said as she pulled off her own top, loving how hungry Sandy looked to have her. _Finally_, she thought to herself.

He didn't even want to look. He just wanted to feel. He wanted to keep his eyes shut tight, not caring to see the face of the other person. As his hands roamed her body, he blocked out that it felt different than Kirsten's. He let his groin make all the decisions.

Call it revenge, but once he came down from his euphoric high, he finally felt pleased with his actions. In only a matter of minutes, he slept with someone else after almost twenty five years of monotony. It felt good. It felt like he got Kirsten back. He felt like sleeping with Nicole would hurt Kirsten almost as much as she hurt him.

Sandy just stared into space, knowing that decisions based on revenge were never a good move. He felt shamelessly proud of himself, but knew that in a day or two, it would be replaced with self-pity.

"You okay?" Nicole said, when she noticed how quiet Sandy was.

"Yeah." He answered still thinking of Kirsten. He felt like the guy in college that slept with one woman while his mind drifted to others. He never did that with Kirsten. She was enough for him, mentally, emotionally and physically. Why wasn't he enough for her?

"Are you hungry?" Nicole tried again to break the silence. "We can still go to dinner."

"Yeah. Let me just get dressed."

As Nicole waited for Sandy to get ready, she noticed the papers again on the table. The only difference was that this time they were signed. She smiled to herself, feeling like she and Sandy were finally on the road to becoming more than what they are.

Two days later, Kirsten was in her office feeling sorry about the fight with Sandy, but feeling like she didn't do anything wrong. She hadn't seen him since then. The first night afterwards, she worked late, not making dinner. She called Seth and Ryan first to make sure they were okay with it. The second night Sandy had a dinner date with Nicole, but the boys seemed okay with that too. As long as one of them were there, their family life would be okay.

A male voice broke her out of her thoughts. "Delivery for Kirsten Cohen?"

"Thank you." She got up from behind her desk and to sign for the documents. She thought it was some sort of development contracts or building permits. Never in a million years did she think that Sandy would have not only signed the separation papers, but built up the courage to send them as well.

She thought about what might have prompted him to take such a an action. She realized that she pushed too hard. She used her own confusion to force him into making a decision. She knew when she drew up the papers that he might call her bluff. But now that they were here and the first step of ending her marriage was real, she was extremely sorry for her actions.

Another knock at the door caused her to look up. She couldn't hide the tears or the look of shock on her face. "Julie. Hi." She said sadly although plastered on her best fake smile. "Do you need something?"

"Well I need a lot of things, but first I need for you to tell me what's wrong."

She stood up abruptly, papers still in her hand. As walked out from behind her desk and toward the window, she slammed the papers back on the desk in front of Julie. "He signed."

Realization to what that meant, Julie didn't know what angle to approach this from. "I'm so sorry Kirsten."

"Yeah, well I should have seen this coming."

"It's going to be okay. You will get through this." She knew Kirsten really didn't want to hear the motivational speech. She needed sympathy and some sort of a plan.

"How?" She asked. "Julie! He was my whole life and now that he signed these stupid papers, I have nothing left."

"That's not true." Julie said sincerely. "You have Seth and Ryan and me." She thought about what to say next. "You can even have Carter if you want."

"No thanks." She stated.

"Why not? He is a nice guy who is hot and is very interested in you." When Kirsten didn't look convinced, she continued. "Did I mention he is hot?"

Kirsten smiled. "Thanks Julie, but going out with Carter the few times already did not help me forget Sandy. Why would it work now?"

"Because now you know where you and Sandy are headed. Now you can allow youself to move forward and accept new things."

"I don't know. I'm just not ready."

"Take it from me. You have no idea how ready you will be until you try. You can't stay in this place forever."

As if right on cue, Carter rounded the corner heading toward Kirsten's office.

"Just follow my lead." Julie said sneakily.

"What?" Kirsten didn't want Julie to say or do anything, but she knew it was too late.

"Morning ladies." Carter greeted. "Ready to go over the layout?"

"Actually now is not a good time for me." Julie started. "Maybe you can take Kirsten to dinner and go over it then." With that she exited and Kirsten could have died from embarrassment being left there to pick up the conversation.

"What was that about?" He asked.

"Julie is so bored with her love life, she feels the need to run mine." Kirsten said while rolling her eyes.

"Oh." Carter debated his next move and figured he didn't want to play games. "Kirsten, if you want to have dinner tonight, I would love to take you."

She smiled. "I don't know what I want." She meant it in the greater scheme of things.

"A girl's got to eat right?"

She laughed at him now. "Okay."

"Okay?" He asked, hoping she was agreeing to becoming a little bit more than what they were.

"Okay, but Carter I want to take things slow. I am not in the position where I can jump into things head first anymore. I have too much to lose."

"Let's just start with dinner and we'll see where it goes. I can do casual." He said nonchalantly.

A few nights after that dreadful day of receiving the papers, Kirsten wanted to have dinner with the boys, not caring if Sandy showed up or not. They would have to face each other sometime or another and she didn't want too much time to pass where the awkwardness would settle in.

When she arrived home a little bit later, all three men were already seated, enjoying dinner. Kirsten noticed Sandy visibly sink into his chair the second she showed up. She was hoping he would feel some sort of shame for handling things the way he did. One day he was confused about their marriage and after the confrontation, he magically figured it all out. They hadn't spoke since she received the papers and she could already tell he felt bad about it.

"Hey guys." She said while putting down her briefcase and taking off her suit jacket. "What did you guys order?" She said not making any eye contact with Sandy.

"The usual. Thai."

"Let me get you a plate." Sandy said immediately, getting up from the table and walking toward the cupboard.

"Thanks." She said surprised.

"Dad, that is so nice of you. Isn't that nice Mom?" Seth said, trying to make his parent's aware of the little things they do for each other.

"Yes Seth." Kirsten appeased. She changed the subject. "So I spoke with Carter last night and he said you got a meeting at Marvel. That's great news Seth."

"You didn't tell me that." Sandy said.

"I didn't want to make a big deal of it."

"I guess one has to be close to Carter to find out information about my son." Sandy snapped.

"Sandy!" Kirsten scolded. She didn't understand why he had make those sorts of comments.

"You know what? I'm just going to go." Sandy knew he was acting childish, but he was really mad. Mad at Seth for not including him. Mad at Carter for getting involved. Mad at Kirsten for tearing his family apart. Mad at himself for signing those papers and getting no reaction from Kirsten. He was just plain mad at the world.

As Sandy rose from his chair, Seth wanted to stop what was going on. "Dad, where are you going?"

When Sandy didn't answer, Seth's anger grew. "Just wait a second." Sandy stopped in his tracks, listening to his son's plea. "What is going on with you guys? For the past few months, everything was finally going back to normal. You guys were getting along and we were acting like family. What has happened that now all of a sudden you guys are glowering at each other?"

"I'm sorry Seth." Sandy apologized first, since he recognized he was at fault.

"No." He yelled back. "I don't want to hear your apologies. I want you both to tell me what happened."

"Don't raise your voice to your father." Kirsten scolded. She knew Seth was upset, but he had no right to disrespect Sandy.

"Seth, we told you before. Things between your mother and I are between just the two of us. Nothing has changed. We still love you both very much." Sandy said bring Ryan into the discussion.

"Yeah right." He said before he stormed up to his room.

Kirsten gave Sandy a death stare and would have combined it with harsh words but Ryan was still in the room.

"You know, you guys really need to work on hiding your feelings. A blind man can see you both are very upset with each other." He said before heading out to the pool house.

Once Ryan was out of earshot, Kirsten fired at him. "Why would you say that? Especially in front of Seth and Ryan?"

"Why does Carter know things about my son that I don't?"

"Don't make this about Carter. This is about the fact that you cannot control your jealousy."

"Don't tell me how to control my emotions. If you had any idea how to do that, you would never have fucked Jimmy."

"If it's not jealousy, then maybe it's guilt, huh?" When the hardened look in his eyes softened, she knew she struck a nerve. "Guilt that you caused by signing those papers."

"If you didn't want me to sign them, you should have never given them to me in the first place."

"Don't place the blame of that on me. I carry enough of my own guilt. I don't have room for yours. I never wanted you to sign them, but I wanted to give you an option."

"I'm done with this conversation. I don't need you accusing me of anything." He started to walk out of the kitchen.

"You don't need me to feel it. Guilt has a way of following you around."

A few moments after Sandy left, she felt the need to clear the air with Seth. She knew Ryan understood how complicated things were. Seth could never grasp such a concept. He wasn't equipped to deal with all the drama at home.

Things were finally progressing with Seth and she didn't want Sandy's comments to set back her relationship. When she climbed the stairs, she heard his music blaring from his room. He always blasted his ipod, not that she really minded. He was a teenager. She used to do the same thing. She remembered that was one thing she and Sandy used to argue about.

"_He is going to go deaf in there." Sandy started._

_"No, he's not. Why does it really bother you?"_

_"Because other people live here and he doesn't respect that fact."_

_"He's a teenager. The fact that he even acknowledges us is a plus." She defended. Sometimes she really didn't understand Sandy at all. "The house is big enough for all of us to live and respect each other's space."_

_"Oh yeah?" He challenged. "Then why does he always interrupt us when we do what we want?" He said as he pushed her back against the foyer wall. _

_They didn't hear Seth coming down the steps, once again catching them in the act of making out. "Guys, come on. Seriously!"_

_"See?" Sandy asked playfully._

As she approached the door, she smelled something odd, but yet familiar. She ignored it and knocked loudly on the door. "Seth!" She yelled above the music.

She heard the music shut off which was followed by alot of rustling around in the room. She just wanted to barge in, but she knew how much she hated when her father did that to her. She was always trying to hide things in her room. Then it hit her. The smell was from her past. It smelled like burning incense combined with pot. _No_, she thought immediately. Her baby didn't smoke pot.

"Seth!" She called again, becoming more anxious.

When he opened the door, her suspicions were confirmed. The jittery behavior, the glassy eyes and the dumb smirk were all tell tale signs. She really wasn't sure how to handle it, so she decided to play dumb. The one thing that she remembered about smoking pot was that it help you express you deepest feelings.

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay." She said as she studied his behavior. She noticed that he went over to his desk drawer to make sure it was closed all the way, before taking a seat on the chair that blocked that particular drawer.

"I'm okay." He said a little rushed.

"Seth!" She said knowing better.

"I just don't get it." He started to ramble, reminding her of the countless times Sandy used to ramble when he got stoned. "One day you guys are fine and the next you're not. I don't get how you can love each other so much one day and hate each other the next. It makes no sense." When she thought he was done, he just continued on. It reminded her of how unacceptable his behavior is right now, vowing to talk to Sandy about it. She didn't want to play bad cop right now. "I have tried to put myself in both you positions. Summer told me to do that, but I still don't understand what you did and I don't understand why Dad just can't get over it since he obviously still loves you."

"I know it is all confusing, but I really just want you to know one thing. I really appreciate that you are trying to work on forgiving me. I know I don't deserve that, but I love you for it. I just wanted you to know." She got up an left, not wanting to dwell on her son's drugged induced haze. She knew she had to talk to Sandy about it before she approached Seth by herself.

The next morning Sandy was in his office when Nicole showed up, coming from her morning surf.

"Do you work at all?" Sandy teased.

"Don't get mad at me that you chose the wrong profession." She teased back.

He made his way over to her and greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. He still wasn't comfortable enough to engage in morning make out session with her. He wondered when he would get over that, but later realized that might have just been a thing between him and Kirsten.

"Well since I didn't see you last night, I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner tonight?"

Sandy knew he should, but he didn't want to ignore his sons. He knew they were upset with him walking out last night. "Can I give you an answer later?" He asked tentatively.

"Sure."

After a few minutes, much to Nicole's disappointment, Kirsten came to Sandy's office. The first thing Kirsten noticed was that Nicole was there. She wondered how much they really saw of each other. Was she now being played the fool? He was getting the best of both worlds. She didn't want to get herself all worked up over them, since the reason she was there was because of Seth.

"Hi. I'm sorry to interrupt." She really wasn't sorry.

"Really?" Nicole asked annoyed, feeling like all Kirsten did was interrupt.

Sandy shot Nicole a questioning look before turning back to Kirsten. "I'm surprised to see you here." He said referring back to the fight last night. He felt like all they did was fight these days.

"I actually need to talk to you about something." When Sandy didn't catch the drift that she didn't want Nicole to be involved, she clarified. "In private?"

Nicole was pissed. She considered her a part of Sandy's life, so whatever Kirsten had to say, she could discuss it in front of her. She took a seat on Sandy's couch, planning not to go anywhere.

When Sandy didn't make a move to dismiss Nicole, Kirsten continued. "It's about Seth and it's important." She felt like she was a begging fool.

Sandy recognized the serious and concerned look on her face. "Sure." He started walking towards the door. "I'll be right back." He said to Nicole.

"Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere."

Once they were outside Kirsten acknowledged Nicole's opinions. "I feel like as time goes on, she is hating me more and more." She took a seat on the steps that led to the beach.

Sandy sat beside her, but verbally get kept his distance. "I didn't come out here to talk about her. What's going on with Seth?"

She took a deep breath, wondering if Sandy was going to think she was jumping to conclusions. "I know you are going to think I'm crazy, especially since this is coming out of left field, but I think Seth is smoking pot."

Sandy gave her a look like she was absolutely insane. "No." He said in a disbelieving tone.

"I know. I was surprised too."

"Why do you think that?"

"Because after you left last night, I went upstairs to talk to him and the music was blaring and I smelled the incense. Plus it took him forever to answer the door and you should have seen his eyes. It looked like I was looking at you twenty five years ago." The corners of her mouth turned up, thinking about how they used to spend their time in Berkeley. "Plus, he rambled on and on and on." That was a clear give away.

Sandy pondered what she had said. "Well, what did you say to him?"

"Nothing. I played dumb, not wanting to fight with him. I wanted to discuss it with you first and figure out how we are going to approach this."

Sandy thought about what he wanted to do about it. "Well what do you think?" He asked her.

"I don't know. I feel like we are going to be world's biggest hypocrites if we scold him, but I don't want him to turn into a complete burnout who becomes too lazy to do anything constructive."

"Yeah." Sandy agreed. "Well I guess we have to talk to him as soon as possible."

"Okay. What are we going to say?"

"I think we have to make him aware of the fact that we know. Maybe lay a little bit of guilt on him and hope that if he continues this behavior, he will do it responsibly."

"I don't know Sandy." She wasn't sure she liked the idea of letting Seth off the hook that easily. "Maybe we should come down harder on him, like our parents did to us." She remembered back to when Caleb caught them smoking pot in her bedroom.

_They had been dating for about a year and Kirsten brought Sandy to Newport on her birthday. Her parents wanted to celebrate her birthday in Newport and Kirsten stood firm on bringing Sandy with her. They had a typical Newport party, including the outdoor lights, wait staff, bartenders and of course live music. _

_Toward the end of the party, Kirsten led Sandy to the dance floor for one last dance. He held her close, wishing they would somehow be alone._

_"So what happens after all these people leave?"_

_"Well that depends on you." She playfully teased._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Well did you bring anything from Berkeley?"_

_He knew what she was referring to, but went in a different direction. "No. I left all our sex toys in your dorm room."_

_"Very funny." She said sarcastically._

_He brought his hand to hers and guided it to the right pocket of his suit jacket. "Do you mean that?"_

_Her fingers felt what she made out to be two joints. "Exactly what I meant."_

_"Well, I brought it, but I have no idea how we are going to pull that one off. Your father has not taken his eyes off of us."_

_"I have my ways." Kirsten was rarely the one to initiate smoking, but when she was home she always felt the need to relieve the stress her father was causing. _

_After the guests filtered out and her parents went to bed, Kirsten snuck out to the pool house. She and Sandy smoked only one of the two, but it was enough to do the both of them in. They both engaged in deep conversation always sharing their deepest thoughts. Sandy felt like he really got to know Kirsten when they were stoned. She had no inhibitions and wasn't afraid to speak about her feelings. Something that he knew was very difficult to do since she was raised by Caleb Nichol._

_Suddenly there was a hard knock at the door. Kirsten immediately jumped off the bed and started to freak out. Sandy remained calm, taking the ashtray and placing it underneath the bed. He looked at Kirsten and whispered, "Relax. I'll get it."_

_When Sandy opened the door, his fear was confirmed. Kirsten stared at the floor, knowing she was in deep shit. _

_"Kiki! Go to bed. Now!" She raised his voice, indicating his level of anger._

_"Goodnight" she said to Sandy before heading past Caleb and into the main house. She felt bad for leaving Sandy there with her father, but knew she didn't have a choice._

_"You have somehow managed to situate yourself in my daughter's life. You may love her, but I will not tolerate this type of behavior in my own home."_

_"I'm sorry, sir." Sandy said, knowing they should have never smoked in the pool house._

_"You're sorry you got caught. You have dragged my daughter down to your level and that I cannot accept. She is not a liberal, tree hugging, hippie you want her to be. She is my daughter and you will not corrupt her mind with drugs. Am I making myself clear? I better not catch you in this situation ever again."_

_Ever since that night, Caleb always called Sandy names that referred to his pot smoking habits. Little did he know that Kirsten didn't need influencing. Sandy didn't care though. He would keep her protected, always._

"Your father never stopped us from doing what we wanted." Sandy said, breaking her train of thought. "We are not going to stop Seth either. When there's a will, there's a way. You and I are smart enough and experienced enough to know that."

She knew he was right. "Okay. Are you free to talk to him tonight?"

Sandy thought about Nicole's invitation and knew he had to be there for his family. "Yeah. I'll come by after work."

Once Kirsten left, Sandy headed back into his office and knew Nicole was mad at him for something.

"So was it that important?" She asked.

Sandy just wanted to be truthful, without telling her all his family secrets. "Yeah. Kirsten needed my advice about something regarding Seth."

"She always needs something." Nicole stated bitterly.

Sandy was getting annoyed. "I don't feel that I have to defend my actions to you when it comes to my son."

She knew Sandy was right, but she wanted him to look at the bigger picture. "Do you really want to move on?"

"What?"

"Do you?"

"Yes, I told you that countless times."

"How do you expect to do that if she keeps showing up? If she keeps invading parts of your life?"

"She'll always be a part of my life, Nicole. If you can't understand that..."

"I understand." She said, not really on board with him.

"Good! I can't have dinner tonight because I have to go home and have a talk with my son."

"Okay." She said accepting defeat. She wondered if she would ever not feel like the consolation prize. "I just wish you would stop defending her actions and accept them for what they are worth." With that, she slammed his office door behind her.

That evening, Kirsten and Sandy arrived at their house at the same time. Sandy saw her struggling with her briefcase and blueprints as she got out of her car.

"Here, let me help you."

"Thanks." She smiled gratefully.

"You ready for this?" He asked.

"Not really. I feel so old, thinking about it all."

"It all will be fine." She opened the front door and Sandy followed her in, making their way toward the kitchen.

"Seth Ezekiel!" Sandy called. "We need to talk to you."

"Thanks for the prep time." She said as she placed everything on the kitchen island. She wasn't expecting to talk to him right this second.

When they got no answer, Kirsten realized that he might not be home. Then she saw a note on the table from Seth telling her that he went out with Summer for the evening.

"Well this was pointless." She said to Sandy.

"Not necessarily." He made his way out of the kitchen and toward the steps.

"Sandy, you can't." She knew he was headed to his room. It was the only thing up those steps that was occupied.

"Why not? Isn't this one of our parental rights?"

"I don't know. I feel like we are invading his privacy."

"That's what happens when you live under your parents roof!"

Once they entered the room, Kirsten watched Sandy start to rummage, while she stay in the doorway.

"You're going to make me the bad guy?" He asked.

"I feel bad going through his stuff." She said.

As he opened the top drawer to his desk, he pulled out a bag full of weed with already rolled joints inside as well. "Still feel bad?" He asked as he held up the bag.

"So I was right?" She said. She took the bag in her hands, opened it and smelled the contents. It was strong. Stronger than what she remembered.

Sandy did the same and then felt the need to make a joke. "At least he is smoking the good stuff."

"You're just a regular comedian today."

She took another whiff, brining back a slew of memories. As if their mind was on the same thing, they both started talking at once.

"Do you remember...?"

"Remember the time..."

They both stopped and laughed. Sandy shut the drawer and put the bag in his pocket. He started heading for the door when she stopped him.

"You're just going to take it?"

"Do you think I am going to leave it?"

"I guess not."

Sandy had a twinkle in his eye when he spoke. "Just think how freaked out he will get when he realizes his stash is gone? He will have a million scenarios running through his mind. Hopefully my favorite one of him wondering if he left it somewhere around the house or wondering if we found it. We will have him bugging out in no time."

"You're so mean!" She said.

"Come on. This is a little bit fun. It's nice to be on this side of the fence." He thought back to what was going to be said in Seth's room. "What were you going to say before?" He asked.

She thought about it and answered honestly. "Do you remember all those times we would smoke and just talk about our feelings, our hopes and our dreams? We had our whole lives ahead of us with not a worry in the world." They made their way down the steps, stopping in the foyer. She didn't know if he was planning on staying, now that Seth wasn't home. "What were you going to say?"

"I was going to say something similar." He smiled, knowing their would never be a time when they weren't on the same page. "You used to speak with such passion and no inhibitions. I saw the real you when we were stone. It made me realize how much I loved you."

"So you needed drugs to love me?" She joked.

"No. I just needed them to knock down your walls." She smiled, starting to think a very dangerous thought.

As if she was reading his mind, she dared to voice it. "What are you thinking about?"

He tapped a hand on the pocket were the bag rested. "This." He said almost scared of her reaction.

"Are you serious?" She asked, not believing the idea was crossing her mind as well.

"Why not? When else would we be in such a situation?"

"I dare you."

"You don't have to dare me. I dare you." He fired back.

"Lead the way." She challenged.

He started walking in the direction of their bedroom with Kirsten in tow.

He took a seat at the table by the glass doors, pulling the bag out. "I wonder how much this costs."

"Apparently we are giving Seth too much allowance money." She watched Sandy handle the joint with such expertise. "I can't believe we are about to do this."

He got up to look for matches and he smiled. "What are we going to talk about?" He asked.

"I don't remember ever having a pre-determined topic to be spoken."

"I doubt we would stay on course anyway." A thought of how they would always end up not talking and having wild sex instead. It always felt so good stoned. He didn't think that was in the cards tonight though.

He made his way back to the table and rested his elbows as he lit the joint. He took a puff and immediately started to cough.

"Maybe I should open a window." She said, wanting to keep fresh air in the room.

He handed her the joint and she took a light puff. She didn't want to inhale too much smoke, afraid she was going to choke. Once she passed it back to him, she already started to feel a little light headed. Sandy took another big hit, holding it in and blowing it out his nose.

"Some things don't change." She remembered him doing that exact same thing on her couch in her apartment.

Sandy was feeling great and he knew Kirsten's inhibitions were settling in. Once they were half way done, Kirsten held the joint out for Sandy to take. He held up his right hand, stopping her from passing it. "I think I'm good. God, my tolerance is pathetic."

She laughed out loud. "You know, you always use to do this to me. You would let me figure out what to do with it. You're so lazy."

"And you fall for it every time."

He laughed, but got up anyway to help her. He knew they didn't have an ashtray in their bedroom, but didn't dare want to venture outside the bedroom. He took the joint from her and their fingers brushed against one another, casing a tingle in both their bodies. He went to the bathroom and ran water over it, knowing they were done with it.

Kirsten's mind was racing and when Sandy came back, she started firing her questions. "So what do you like so much about Nicole?"

"Excuse me?"

"Tell me. I can handle it." She was being sincere.

He took a seat on the bed and rested his back on some pillows against the headboard. "I don't know. She's nice and she doesn't ask much from me. Although lately she is starting to drive me a little nuts."

"Really?" Kirsten couldn't help but be happy to hear that. She sat back in her chair, knowing her husband was about to start rambling.

"Yeah. She was so nonchalant, making everything so easy, but lately she has been a little bit more needy. I can't handle that."

"Well she certainly isn't a fan of me." Kirsten stated, laughing again.

"No, but can you blame her? Being compared to the perfect Kirsten can not be easy."

"Perfect?" She asked.

"Well not all the time." He said sadly. "I don't want to think about that."

"Let's do a role reversal and see how you would have handled it."

"You're nuts!" He said laughing at her enthusiasm.

She started laughing again, border lining uncontrollable. "I'm trying to be serious here. If you were the one to cheat..."

"I would never have done that to you."

"It's hypothetical Sandy! What if Rebecca came back? What if she threw herself at you and you knew I would have never found out about it? What if you did cheat on me? Would you ever have the courage to tell me?"

For the first time, Sandy saw the situation through Kirsten's eyes. For the first time, he realized how hard it must have been for her to come clean with him. She couldn't help but tell the truth. "I don't know."

She smiled at his answer. "Good. I'm glad you don't know."

"There's a statement you don't hear often." He said laughing at her this time.

"You're going to confuse me with your words, aren't you?" Sometimes he talked in circles and her mind would drift and she would lose track of where he was going.

"Well, let me be more clear. Where do you think this whole thing is going to end up?" He asked.

She didn't know if she was in the right frame of mind to hide what she truly felt. "Honestly?" She asked. When he nodded she continued. "I think you and I are going to end up together."

"Wow." He said laughing at her. "That's a pretty bold assumption."

"You and I belong together. We do. I know you still love me. Seth told me so."

"He did?"

"We have something that cannot be suppressed or taken lightly. It's just a matter of you forgiving me, which I think you can and trusting me which I think you will eventually work on. So yes. I think in the end, we are going to pull through this." She started to feel thirsty after her rant "What do you think is going to happen?"

"I think your theory is a definite possibility." He said smiling, loving how open they could be in this state.

"I know it is going to take time and like I said, I'm never going to give up my hopes and dreams."

"I can't give you a timeline. I've got to work on this whole Nicole thing." He wanted to tell her what happened between them, but didn't know if she could handle it.

"What whole thing?" She asked, not seeming mad that he was bringing her up again.

Then he dropped the bombshell. "I slept with her Kirsten."

"You did?" Suddenly, Kirsten felt that her mind was brought right back down to earth.

Sandy still was feeling the effects of the weed and decided to fully explain himself. "I felt like it had to be done. I felt like I had to get you back for the countless times you slept with Jimmy. I felt like I was scoring some points in this stupid game we are playing."

Sandy saw the tears in Kirsten's eyes and immediately apologized. "You don't owe me an apology. I figured it was bound to happen."

He sat up on the bed, drawing her eyes to his with a serious look. "I guess the joke was on me though."

"What do you mean?" She asked curiously.

"I mean it was..." He tried to think of how to explain it to Kirsten, but couldn't formulate the words. He wanted to tell her he thought of her the entire time. He wanted to tell her that he wished it was her the entire time. Uneventful, bland, dull, were the words coming to his mind. "Boring?" He finished. "I don't know how to explain it. It's just, with us, it's always ..." He was afraid to continue.

"I know." She said, hoping he believed it to be the truth.

At that moment Sandy's stomach growled and they both laughed. Kirsten broke the tension. "You know what's great about this situation? We have an entire fridge filled with food downstairs."

"Remember how we used to make grilled cheeses in the toaster oven because we never had butter." He reminisced.

"Or macaroni and cheese with water because the milk was always spoiled." She added.

They were both laughing when Sandy asked, "So what are you going to get us to eat?"

"Why do I have to go?"

"Because I'm not supposed to be here and you're sitting closer to the door." He had a point.

"Fine." She lost the battle. She got up from the table and headed for the door. "For the record, being with you has never been boring. It's always invigorating, special and orgasmic." He felt his dick twinge a little bit, loving when Kirsten talked like that. She continued. "I know I don't have a lot of experience, but you never cease to amaze me." He smiled, hoping that was the truth. "I'm sorry if I ever done anything for you to question yourself in that area." She knew she was rambling. "So what do you want to eat?"

"Surprise me."

When she made her way down to the kitchen, she saw Ryan sitting at the island. She bit her lip, holding herself back from laughing. There was nothing funny about this situation. "Hey Ryan." She tried to sound nonchalant.

"Hey."

As she started loading her arms up with bottled water, ice-cream, a spoon, cookies and chips, he questioned her actions. "Hungry?"

"Starving." She replied a little too quickly. Then she thought about the fact that maybe Ryan was waiting for them to all have dinner. Before she got the chance to ask, he interrupted her thoughts.

"Is Sandy here?"

"No." She covered. "Why would you think that?"

"Because his car is in the driveway."

_Shit._

_Car._

_Driveway._

_I didn't think of that_.

"He was here, but Nicole picked him up to go out. I guess he needed clothes or something." She lied.

Ryan didn't know what was going on, but figured it was weird that Nicole would come to the house.

Kirsten knew he wasn't buying it and changed the subject. "Do you want to order something for dinner? I can trash the snacks."

"I'm actually meeting Marissa at the diner." He suddenly felt bad leaving her alone. "Do you want to come?"

She laughed. "That's okay sweetie. Thanks for the offer. It's sweet." Truthfully she didn't know what she would have done if he said yes.

She left the kitchen and headed back to the bedroom with the intentions of killing Sandy for making her venture out alone. When she came back into the room, Sandy immediately sat up and anticipated the splurging they were about to do.

"What took you so long? I felt like you were gone for a year."

She smiled, knowing he always grew impatient. "Well I ran into Ryan down there."

"See, it's a good thing I didn't come with you. We would have caught the giggles." He thought about how many times they couldn't control their laughter when they were like this.

"Yeah well he asked if you were here."

"Why would he think that?"

"Because your car is in the driveway."

"Oh yeah. I didn't think of that."

"Yeah. Me either."

She took a seat across from him on the bed, folding her legs indian style. She went for the ice cream while he went for the cookies. As she scooped a spoonful of vanilla on her spoon, she moaned at how good it tasted against her mouth. "This is so good, you have to try some." She scooped some more and held the spoon out to him. He leaned in, his eyes locking with hers, as he tasted the sweet cream.

"Oooh. That is good." He said. "Let's switch." He handed her the cookies and took over the gallon of ice cream. Kirsten just watched him, not believing he was in their bed right now. She never thought she would see the day.

When he noticed her staring at him and not eating the cookie, he asked, "Do you want some more of this?"

She nodded and was pleased when he held out the spoon for her. She leaned in closer to the ice cream, closer to him. She slowly wrapped her lips around the cool metal, hoping this was a sign that things were leading somewhere. Sandy dipped the spoon back into the gallon and took another spoonful into his mouth before placing the carton on the floor. When he faced her again, he cupped her face and kissed her ever so slowly. She opened her mouth immediately, sending him the message that she wanted more. That she needed more. He slid his tongue along with some ice cream into her mouth and she pulled back, surprised.

"You're always full of surprises Sandy."

He brought his face close to hers again and whispered. "Did you really mean what you said before?"

Her mind was racing, wondering exactly what he was talking about. With his face this close, he could only mean what she said to him about their sex life. "Always." She said as she smiled sweetly.

He smiled as he leaned in for a deeper kiss. She returned his kiss feeling her stomach do flip flops. Why she slept with Jimmy all those times to give up this was something she would never reason out in her head.

He broke the kiss and stared back into her eyes, searching for answers that he only knew in his head. "I want you so bad."

"I always want you." She said back.

For the first time since this whole thing happened, she took the lead. She pushed him backwards onto the bed. She pushed her tongue as deep as it would allow her, wanting him so badly. She pulled back from his body and sat upright, straddling his torso. She pulled her top off, revealing her black lace bra.

"I love when you get wild."

She smiled at his comment, and leaned back toward his lips. Before kissing him, she whispered to him, holding his gaze. "You and only you know this side of me. You make me feel this sexy to act this way. This is all for you and you only." She felt the need to remind him of that.

She sucked on his bottom lip, loving the sound of Sandy's moan. She rubbed her groin against his, enjoying the pleasant friction. He felt himself growing hard between his legs, not wanting to stop. As much as he loved her in this capacity, he wanted to take control. Ever since he found out about Kirsten's infidelity, he felt like he needed to prove himself sexually to her.

He pulled her roughly and rolled her over so he was on top of her. He quickly pulled off his shirt and returned his lips to hers. He wanted her so badly and the fact that they were back in their bed only served to turn him on even more. His lips moved slowly down her chest as her played with the button on his jeans. Then he hit that spot on her neck that drove her wild. She moaned loudly, enjoying this more than he could ever imagine.

"Shh." Sandy whispered, knowing full well how loud she could get.

"You know all my spots."

Her hands slipped inside his pants and past his boxers, rubbing his shft, loving how good he felt.

"And you know all mine." He playfully retorted.

He managed to push his pants off and started working on hers. With her tiny frame, he easily lifted her off the bed and she was left in nothing but her undergarments. He knew not many women had the same figure from their twenties and he loved that she cared about her appearance so much.

His hands worked their magic on her thighs and his fingers were searching for more. He dipped his hand underneath the elastic of her panty and slid his fingers against her folds. He loved how wet she was. He didn't want to wait anymore, knowing how much she loved the feeling. He dipped two fingers into her.

"Oh god, that feels so good." She screamed.

"Sshh, Ryan might still be home." He reminded her, but his fingers didn't relent.

"I don't give a shit."

The speed of her hands quickened, wanting him share in her pleasure. He closed his eyes and Kirsten knew that he was feeling the blood rush to his groin. He loved her touch. She roughly tugged at his boxers wanting him inside as soon as possible. He rested his tip at her entrance, not moving forward. He wanted her to want him He wanted her to wait for him.

"Don't play games Sandy." She said desperately.

He entered her with his tip and withdrew, wanting her to become frustrated with him.

"You've got to be kidding." She exasperated.

He laughed lightly and plunged fully into her. She moaned really loud this time, not having a care who heard her. With every pump, a moan escaped her lips. He held himself back, her needs always put before his own. Her hands moved to his shoulders and she tightened her grip, signaling to him that she was going to come. She called his name, loving how her voice cracked.

Within seconds, he buried his head in her shoulder and grunted. He tried to keep his rhythm steady, but she knew this was something he always struggled at.

Once they both came down from their euphoric high, he rolled off of her and onto his side of the bed. "God, that was..."

"I know. I told you." She said referring to what she said before.

He just stared at the ceiling for a few moments, wanting to turn on his side and hold her. He wasn't sure if that would be okay. He wasn't sure if that was acceptable. Kirsten, on the other hand knew what she wanted. "Are you leaving right away?" She asked.

"Umm..."

"You don't have to. Stay for a few minutes."

"Okay." He said. Kirsten quickly got under the covers, her naked body feeling a chill. Sandy slipped under them as well and held her from behind. "I really miss this."

"I miss it too." She thought about the events of the evening and started to laugh.

"What's so funny?"

"I feel like I'm twenty years old. Don't you?"

" A little. Although I'm exhausted right now and when we were twenty, we used to do that about three more times."

"Yeah. I guess you're right."

She reveled in the feel of his touch, knowing it wasn't going to last long.

The next thing Kirsten knew was that sunlight was hitting her face and the phone was ringing. Her first thought was what time was it? Her second thought was who would be calling this early. She heard him groan next to her. Her third thought was that Sandy had spent the night.

"Sandy! We fell asleep. You have to get up!" She said while shoving him. "The boys are bound to be up by now." She finished waking Sandy and grabbed the phone.

"Hello?"

"Good morning Kirsten. Is my son awake?"

Sandy started getting dressed, but stopped when he heard Kirsten start to panic. "It's your mother!"

He took the phone and Kirsten listened to the one-sided conversation. "Ma! Hi. No you didn't wake us. We do have jobs..." He rolled his eyes at Kirsten. "You are? When? No, no. You are welcome any time."

Kirsten kept listening, realizing that Sophie had no idea what has been going on in their household. Sandy probably never told her what she did because it would only fuel the fire she started against Kirsten years ago.

"Okay. I'll talk to you soon." Once he hung up the phone, he turned to Kirsten. "What a way to start a morning off." He joked.

"What's going on?"

"Do you really want to know? My mother is coming to visit this weekend." He wasn't sure how to tell her what that exactly meant. "She's coming to visit us, as a family."

Before she got to respond there was a knock at their bedroom door. "Mom. Are you up? Are you decent?" It was Seth.

Sandy could see the frightened look on her face. The last person she wanted to make aware of what happened last night was the one at her door. "Hold on Seth."

"I'll go into the bathroom." Sandy said. "Shove my shoes under the bed. Relax." He instructed.

Once she answered the door, Seth started in on her. "Are you not feeling well? It's really late and Ryan heard you moaning last night." Before she answered, Seth continued. "Ryan and I need a ride to school unless you think it's okay to take Dad's car. It's still here."

"No. I'm sure your father needs his car at some point today. Let me get dressed and I will be right down."

"Are you sure you're feeling okay?"

After she assured him that she was fine, she opened the bathroom door and watched Sandy as he finished buttoning his shirt. "I have to run. It's already eight o'clock and I still have to go home and shower."

"Okay." She thought about what to say next, but figured to enter a safe territory. "We still have to talk to Seth and figure out what we are going to do about your mother coming."

"Things have really changed. When we were twenty, things were never this complicated."

"Things haven't changed that much." She replied. "You're still sneaking out of my room in the morning." She smiled, knowing she made a good point.

He knew it was a bold move, but he couldn't help it. He quickly cupped her face and kissed her square on the lips. "I had a great time last night, but I really have to go." He grabbed his suit jacket and headed toward the glass doors of their bedroom that led to the backyard. He walked the perimeter of the house before making it to his car safely. He couldn't believe he was doing this.

The day went by quickly for Kirsten, since she spent most of it daydreaming. She thought it might be the after effects of the pot, but knew it was because she slept in Sandy's arms. It had been almost nine months and it never felt better.

Sandy felt as if his day was dragging. All he wanted to do was go home and sleep. He spent the majority of the night, holding on to Kirsten wondering if this is what he wanted. He really didn't oversleep, intending to stay more than just a few minutes.

Once his day ended, he thought about calling Kirsten, but felt a little weird about it. He figured he could use Seth and his mother as an excuse, but was afraid. Not of her, but of himself. He just missed her, even though they had only parted that morning.

When he arrived at his apartment, he dropped down onto his couch, closing his eyes. There was a knock at his door, but he didn't have the energy to answer it. "Come in." He yelled, knowing he left it unlocked.

He didn't expect to see Nicole there, looking rather angry and wanting answers.

"I waited for you last night, but you never came home."

"I'm sorry." He finally found the energy to get up and greet her.

"It's bad enough that she is always there, but..."

"Excuse me?" Sandy was appalled. Was she talking about his Kirsten?

"She always has a way of interrupting us. We were supposed to have dinner last night and you chose her over me."

"I chose my son over you." He corrected. He knew that wasn't true after his night with Kirsten, but Nicole didn't have to know that at the moment.

"Can't you see what she is doing? She is using your son to pull you back into her web."

He laughed at her insanity. "I highly doubt Kirsten is that devious."

Nicole arched her eyebrow, giving him a knowing look. "She cheated on you for twenty years. You don't think that is devious?" She asked.

Sandy's face took on a serious glare. It was one thing for him to voice his opinions, but when Nicole did it, it struck a nerve. "You really don't know what you are talking about."

"Tell me you want to be with me and not her. Tell me that what happened between us was more than just sex. Tell me that you signing those separation papers meant that you were ready to move on. Tell me!" She yelled.

Sandy truly felt sorry for everything he did, but he couldn't explain it to her and expect that she would understand. "I can't." He whispered.

"That's what I thought." She said bitterly.

"I'm sorry. I really was trying. You're a great person Nicole and a good friend, but as hard as I'm trying to leave my old life behind, it's clearly not working. He said sadly. "I will always love Kirsten, no matter what she has done to me. It's not dependent, it's unconditional."

She could feel the tears forming and wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. "She is going to hurt you again and I'm not going to be here to listen and comfort. I hope you know that."

"I think it's a chance I am going to have to take."

With that, she stormed out and Sandy finally felt some sense of relief. He finally made a decision, but wasn't actually sure how to handle what was to come.

--

--

_**As usual, make me happy! Please?**_


	22. Scheming

_**Hey Everyone - I cannot tell you how surprised I was when you all didn't yell at me for Sandy and Kirsten smoking pot. I honestly thought you guys were going to HATE me, but I admit, I loved writing it. I know you all weren't happy that Sandy slept with Nicole, but don't worry; she is out of the picture for good! I'm so sorry for the delay. I was on vacation for awhile. Also, I didn't get as far as I would have liked with this chapter. Oh well. It will eventually all spill out of me.**_

_**Panzie - As much as I don't want you to get sent to the Middle East, I really want you to write a story soon. I miss seeing your updates!**_

_**Perla25 - I'm planning on writing about 4 or 5 more chapters.**_

_**Viper209n - Prison is definitely not the direction. I didn't even think about Nicole mailing the papers and now I sort of wished I did. That would have made everyone really hate her huh? That is it for Sandy and Nicole...she is officially out of the story! Thanks fort he multiple quotes. You rock!**_

_**Pheebsbr - Your English is perfect**_

_**Slinn01 - Glad you found humor in the Ryan/Kirsten kitchen scene.**_

_**KrabbyPatty - Overlong reviews full of run-on sentences are acceptable in my book. I love the lengthy reviews. The Sandy/Jimmy face-off is something that is a bit off. You're going to have to wait a few more chapters.**_

_**Twinkletoesnelly - I am going to continue this until I feel that everyone believes they are back on one hundred percent solid ground.**_

_**marcopolo8170, Cheerleader 2006, x-christa-x, jennyloveskandy, megan, bluetoffee, carrie - Thanks for the review.**_

_**Kandyislove - Everyone needs a guilty pleasure, right? This website is mine!**_

_**Kandy4ever - You're on to something!**_

_**Stripscrabble - Thanks for describing this story as depressing but addictive. I take that as a huge compliment.**_

_**Beachgirl 67 - You hit the nail on the head. Sandy finally realizes that all the sex with Jimmy didn't mean anything. That was why I ultimately had him sleep with Nicole.**_

_**Ella - I wished that Peter and Kelly was a real couple too, but I know that will never happen. You have to respect a man who has stayed with his wife that many years and being in the business that is Hollywood.**_

_**Moviesareourbusiness - I try to include stuff from the show, but they are never in the correct order in which they happen. Does that make this AU? I have no idea.**_

_**DisneyGirl 829 - Yes I do have a life, but even I wish I could update more than I do. I usually don't start on the next chapter until I finish the one I post. I am very unorganized! I re-read chapters of long stories all the time. I wait for people to update and when I get bored; I re-read things a million times. You can ramble anytime. I love HELLA long reviews!**_

_**Nova - I will probably continue writing after this is over. I was thinking of a future Berkely fic, but need some sort of storyline to go along with it or I was thinking of a Peter/Kelly story, but not sure about that either. I was also thinking of a season 3 and season 4 missing scene fic because of the lack of Kandy in those seasons. Plus britgirl already wrote seasons 1 and 2. Any suggestions of what you want me to write?**_

_**Tiffany - A Sandy/Kirsten spin-off? A girl could dream!**_

_**Robbie - There was no way Nicole could keep it casual for long, but a part of me does feel like I rushed her out of the storyline a little too quickly. Oh well, most are happy she is gone.**_

_**KikiCohen84 - I have absolutely no idea why you can read this chapter.**_

_**Princesssparkle88 - Thanks for the quotes!**_

_**Kandyfanz123 - I never thought of comparing Nicole to Zach but that is a really good parallel.**_

_**SexyEm - I think it's funny how the felt like you needed a reason to hate Nicole. Well, I'm glad I finally gave you one! All time fave? Wow!**_

Here goes it...

Relief was such a wonderful emotion. He thought he was going to feel it when he slept with Nicole. He knew instantly that it wasn't going to come. He thought if he got the revenge he needed, that heavy weight would have been lifted off his shoulders. It never happened. The weight just got heavier. Little did he know that relief would only come when he made a clear-cut decision of what direction his life was heading in. Now he felt relief.

He knew that amongst all the lies and deceit, he could not live his life without Kirsten. He knew that their relationship would always outweigh the bad. He truly believed she was genuinely sorry for her actions. He knew he would be able to forgive her and possibly, one day, forget this whole nightmare ever happened.

Trust was something completely different. He knew that was going to take time, but Kirsten was really trying. He owed her to put some effort in as well. In his mind, he knew what Kirsten said the other night was true. The two of them were going to end up together. In his mind, he knew exactly how he wanted this to play out. He wanted to take things slow. He wanted to make sure that this decision is the right one for everyone.

Ryan would be thrilled, but Seth was a different story. All this turmoil was a lot of someone like Seth to take. He lived a seemingly perfect life for the most part. He was finally in a place of acceptance with his parent's relationship. Besides this whole pot debacle, which Sandy truly hoped wasn't caused by him and Kirsten, Seth was adjusting to the situation. He made a mental note to figure out what he was going to say to Seth.

_Slow_, he thought. He didn't know what Kirsten's expectations were now that they slept together once again. Maybe she thought it was just because they were stoned. But he stayed the night and they shared an intimacy that neither of them could deny felt right. _Slow_, he thought. Kirsten said the ball was in his court. He would have to let himself adjust to taking things slow. Sexually, they were already past the point of taking things slow. They could never keep their hands off each other. _Slow_. He knew Kirsten would work at any pace Sandy set. He was grateful for that.

Only one question plagued Sandy's mind. How the hell were they going to take things slow? From the very beginning, they never took anything slow. Things always felt right to progress to the next step.

_He just finished his first year of law school. Maintaining a high grade point average was easier than he thought. He thought it might be because he loved what he was studying, but he knew it was because he had Kirsten as a constant support. She was always so encouraging and gave him the boost of confidence he always needed._

_He knew she wanted to stay in Berkeley for the summer, but the dorms would be closed leaving her homeless for a few months. Although she had a job at the local art gallery, she had to pass on the summer hours. Sandy knew they hadn't been together that long, but he didn't want her to go back to Newport for the entire summer. He would never survive being away from her that long. _

_It was such a weird feeling because all the years he dated Rebecca, he never felt this sort of need. They used to take breaks for months at a time and he never questioned it. With Kirsten, it was different. Separating for that long was not even an option in his mind._

_He spent the past few weeks, trying to find an apartment for them to share that they could afford. He still lived in the mail truck and knew she would not be accepting of that living arrangement. He searched and searched, but still came up with nothing. Everything was so expensive and he knew he would not be making a lot of money as a paid intern at the local PD's office. Also, he didn't want to ask Kirsten for a penny. _

_This whole idea of them moving in together was his way to show her that he could support them both. Obviously that was a pipe dream since he couldn't afford anything that didn't have cockroaches._

_They only had a week left together before she was southbound to Newport. There was only one more option and he knew she would never go for it, but decided to present her with the idea anyway._

_It was their last Saturday night in Berkeley and Kirsten was feeling sentimental as she strolled through the park with Sandy. "I can't believe I'm leaving in a week."_

_"Me either." He said sadly. He stopped her from walking and kissed her lips gently. _

_She kissed him back, but slowly pulled away. "Tell me you're going to miss me?" She spoke softly._

_He smiled at her, thinking that this girl was insane. He was going to miss her so much it hurt. "I can't. The magnitude cannot be put into words." He saw a bench nearby and asked her to sit._

_When he guided her over, she was certain that he was going to break up with her. She figured there was no way a guy like Sandy would want to do the long distance thing. She was starting to fear what her fate was going to be. When Sandy didn't speak, she started for him. "Let me guess? You don't want to do the long distance thing." She said, her voice dripping like ice._

_"It's going to suck." He said. He decided to continue, although he could tell she was not in the best of moods. "Kirsten, I've been doing a lot of thinking and I really don't want to be together and not be together."_

_"I figured as much." She stated. "I really thought we could have worked through it, but if you want to take a break and try to continue this in the fall, I'm willing to consider it." This was not what she wanted at all._

_"Take a break?" He was shocked that she would suggest this. "Is that what you want?"_

_"No, but you're a guy. I know it is going to be tough with me six hours away. I might be naive in thinking we could work out the long distance thing, but I'm not stupid enough to know you have needs. So I rather you be honest with me now and take a break than you cheat on me."_

_His head was spinning. "Where do these little ideas come from?" He asked smiling. His confidence level was rising. "Kirsten that is the last thing I want." He took a deep breath before starting his rant. "I've spent about five weeks trying to figure out a way to keep you here so we wouldn't have to spend the summer apart. I've been searching for an apartment so you and I could share for the summer. I know it's a big step, but if it didn't work it would only be for a few months."_

_She couldn't help it, but she was grinning from ear to ear. "Really?"_

_"Yes, really!" He leaned in and kissed her briefly. When he pulled back, he grew more confident as she continued to smile. "Unfortunately I couldn't find something for the both of us that I could afford." _

_"Sandy, I could contribute."_

_"No. I wanted to do this for the both of us, plus you and I both know that you need your money for tuition and books."_

_She knew he was right as much as she hated to admit it. Her smile slowly faded as her thoughts drifted back to spending the summer apart from Sandy. "Well I appreciate the effort. It will be okay, right?" She asked hoping he still wanted to do the long distance thing._

_"Everything is going to be fine regardless of what your answer will be."_

_"Huh?" She didn't know what he was asking._

_"You don't have to say yes because it is not going to be easy, but if you really want to stay, there is another option."_

_"Yes." She answered not caring what that option was._

_"You don't even know what I was going to say."_

_"I don't care. If it means we can spend the summer together and I don't have to deal with my father all summer long, I am for it." She smiled._

_"I was thinking you can move into the mail truck with me. It will just be for the summer. We can put your things in storage and in the fall come up with something that suits us better. I will probably be working..."_

_She cut him off with her lips landing on his. She broke the kiss but kept her face close to his. "That sounds perfect."_

_He looked at her skeptically. "You do remember what the inside of the mail truck looks like?"_

_She laughed. "Yes."_

_"It's going to be tight in there, plus it's kind of quick for us."_

_"You're not going to talk me out of it."_

_"Good!"_

How was he supposed to start dating his wife slowly?

Kirsten was in her office daydreaming once again. She couldn't help it. She didn't want to get her hopes up, but she really felt that their marriage was getting back on track. Physically it was moving at high speed, but she was glad she was able to tell Sandy where she knew this whole thing was going to end up. They hadn't discussed the future at all, but she knew Sandy was still confused and figuring things out in his head. She knew he needed space and as badly as she wanted to call him, show up at his office, surprise him at night at his apartment, she held back.

She wanted him to come to his decisions on his own, without her dictating her thoughts and opinions. She told him she would wait and she meant it. The only thing she was certain of was that they had to talk to Seth and stand on a united front. She could only hope it wasn't their fault that Seth was smoking pot in the first place. She also knew that Sophie was coming and Sandy led her to believe that they were going to pretend that their family was fine. They were going to play house, which was perfectly fine with Kirsten.

"Am I interrupting something?" Julie asked, coming into Kirsten's office

"Hi. Julie. No, not at all." She answered.

"It must be something that put that goofy smile on your face." Julie thought for a moment before coming to a realization. "Oh my God! Did you and Carter finally..."

"No." Kirsten cut her off. "This has nothing to do with Carter and everything to do with Sandy."

"Really?" Julie was surprised. The last she knew, Sandy signed the separation papers.

"I haven't even thought about Carter." Kirsten said more to herself than Julie.

"Well, what happened with Sandy? I thought you were giving those thoughts a rest and giving Carter a chance."

"Oh Julie, what am I going to do? What am I going to tell Carter?"

"You can tell him you are not going to be able to make it to wine country for the holidays!"

"What?!" She asked and exclaimed at the same time.

"He asked me if I thought you would like to go away with him for Christmas and the New Year."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him to ask you, but if I knew that Sandy was the one causing that goofy grin on your face, I would have told him not to bother." When Kirsten just made a face, Julie continued. "You do realize that you are going to have to fill me in?"

"I figured as much."

"Do we need to break into your father's liquor again?"

"Considering it's not even noon yet, I don't think alcohol is necessary."

Julie sat down and leaned in closer to Kirsten, not wanting anyone to overhear this conversation. "You've got that _'I've got laid_' look on your face." She whispered.

"I do not!" Kirsten defended, but could feel the blood rushing to her cheek bones.

"Please!" Julie exclaimed. "Sandy? How did that happen? It wasn't that long ago that I saw those signed papers sitting in this very spot." She point to the mahogany desk.

"I know. If you think you're confused..."

"So you guys are legally separating, but you're still having sex?" Julie thought for a moment. "That's really hot!"

Kirsten gave her a knowing look. "You cannot even imagine."

"Please, let me imagine." When Kirsten gave a disapproving look, she continued. "Come on! I'm banished to a life with your father!"

Kirsten laughed. "You know when you first start dating someone new and everything is fun and exciting? Well, that is how it has been. We rarely talk about the future, we're afraid to call because we don't want to smother each other and the sex is..."

"What?" Julie felt the anxiety.

"Unbelievable. Every touch is examined and every caress feels different because it's so unexpected. It's not routine or anticipated. It's invigorating."

"Wow." That was all Julie could muster.

"Yeah, wow. But now, I feel like I did back in college. I want to call him, but am afraid to. I miss him so much, but am afraid to admit it. It's frustrating."

"You were just telling me how great all of this was? You should just enjoy the ride. No pun intended."

Her office phone interrupted their conversation. She was laughing as she picked up the phone.

"Kirsten Cohen." She giggled out.

"Someone's having a good day at work." Sandy replied, missing her voice and loving her laugh.

Kirsten mouthed to Julie that it was Sandy. "Julie's making a bad joke about my father." She lied.

"I thought you said you were done lying to me?" He said light heartedly.

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?" He knew she was referring to the fact that he knew her so well.

"Nothing. Do you really want to know what Julie and I were laughing about?"

Sandy thought about it, wondering if she was laughing at his expense. He couldn't help but think that way first after what she did. He had to learn to trust her. "No."

Julie leaned closer to the phone, trying to listen to what Sandy was saying. Kirsten was trying to push her away, but when Julie didn't hear anything coming from his end, she decided to put matters into her own hands. "Sandy? Kirsten wants to desperately meet you at your house in half an hour!"

"Julie!" Kirsten exclaimed as she gave her a hard shove.

"Really?" She heard Sandy say.

"You're going." She said to Julie, giving her a look to kill. "I'll see you at the meeting at two."

Once Julie left, Kirsten turned her attention back to Sandy. "Sorry about that!"

"So you were talking about me?" He said.

"Gloating is more like it." She said, trying to comfort him with her compliments. She knew he needed that right now.

He smiled, loving that she could tell him that. "I wasn't sure if I should call, but I didn't not want to call after...well...after what we did the other night." He spoke softly.

"You didn't have to call, but I was unsure about calling you too. It's hard to give you space and time when you are in my mind every second of the day."

He wanted to tell her she was on his mind too. He wanted to tell her that he couldn't stop thinking of her since he snuck out of their bedroom. He wanted to tell her how badly he wanted her. "So, I was wondering if you were free for lunch?"

"So much for space and time, huh?" She teased.

"Well I figured we should meet and figure out a game plan for our talk with Seth and my mother's upcoming visit."

"I'm free, but for the record, I hope you don't feel that we need to make excuses to meet for lunch?"

Since when did she get so confrontational? "No excuses, just real reasons." He said feeling a little cornered. Two can play at this game. "I hope you don't feel the need to make any excuses if you want to meet me at the house in thirty minutes."

"I was hoping you miraculously didn't hear Julie." She replied.

"I heard her, but I will settle for lunch. Meet you at the club at 12:30?"

"See you there."

When she hung up the phone, she loved that their playful banter was back.

He was already seated when she arrived at the club. He didn't notice her come in and she took a second to take in the full image of her husband. Her sexy looking husband. He was holding a legal pad in his hand, reviewing notes as he sipped his beer straight from the bottle. Certainly a trait exemplified by someone who was not born and raised in Newport. She didn't look at it as a flaw, but as a complete turn on. Sandy always did beat to his own drum, never once caring what anyone else thought.

Then she heard laughter and turned her attention to two women at a nearby table, who were relentlessly staring at Sandy. They were fellow Newpsies and she could tell they were talking about her husband. She wondered how many times this happened that she wasn't aware of it. She wondered if these two women were the ones that propositioned him in the past.

She just couldn't let it go. She walked up to their table, feeling the need to put them in their place. "Good afternoon ladies." She said, plastering on her best fake smile she could muster.

"Kirsten, hi." One said in a stuttering manner as the other didn't dare make eye contact.

She noticed that Sandy was now looking at her, wondering why she was talking to these women while she looked at him. "I can see the appeal in staring, but really, it's a little rude." She said, wanting to make them feel uncomfortable.

"Rude?" The first woman asked. "I don't think you should be lecturing us about rude."

Realization spread across Kirsten's face. Nicole must have been spreading rumors. "It's not a lecture. I just don't appreciate you eyeing my husband up like a piece of candy."

"Husband? That's not what we heard."

Kirsten slowly closed her eyes, completely annoyed at the hurtful words. When she reopened them, Sandy was by her side. "Are you okay? What's the matter?" He looked back and forth between the two women and the love of his life.

"I'm fine." She responded to Sandy, before regaining her composure and facing these vultures. "You shouldn't believe everything you hear!" With that she turned away and headed to where Sandy was originally sitting.

With Sandy trailing behind her, she still felt the need to prove herself to them. She spun around coming face to face with Sandy. "Kiss me." She demanded.

"Here?" He asked, knowing Kirsten always hated causing any sort of scene.

"Yes." She replied, her eyes now pleading, hoping he would oblige.

"Absolutely!" He exclaimed, before cupping her face and leaning in to her lips. Her eyes checked to make sure the women were watching before she closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth and moisture that Sandy always created.

She broke the kiss and stared deep into his ocean blue eyes. "Thanks."

As he pulled out her chair and she took a seat, she spoke. "Dare I ask what that was all about?"

She looked back over to those women and then back at Sandy. "Do you know who those women are?" She asked as she placed her napkin on her lap.

"Probably botox ridden, desperate, harbor high graduates who have nothing better to do with their day that gawk at men like me." He guessed.

She smiled, loving how the typical Newpsie was really not his type. "Right." She couldn't help but stare at the man who made her weak in the knees. "I can't really blame them though." She opened her menu staring at the items listed as she spoke. "You look incredible. We should have met at the house."

Sandy dropped his menu down to look at her, hoping to see if she was serious. When he saw her bite her lip, he knew she was holding back a laugh. "We would have not gotten anywhere if we met at the house." He was referring to talking things out.

"That's not true. We would have gotten somewhere." She smiled devilishly.

Her smile was contagious. "Fair enough."

Once waiter came over and took their order, Sandy started off the conversation. "So I'm picking my mom up at the airport on Friday. I was thinking of bringing some of my stuff back over to the house in the morning. You're going to work, right?"

"Are you asking me to stay home?" She flirted.

"I'm trying to be serious here, Kirsten."

"Is it a bad thing that I find you irresistible?" She joked back, hoping to drive him crazy.

"It would be nice to see you in the morning." He said.

"Then I will go in late." She decided.

"We should probably talk to the boys about all of this too." He continued.

"About the Nana coming?"

"Yes, and about the fact that she has no idea what has been going on." Sandy said in a sad tone.

"Do you think the boys are going to be okay with playing along with all of this?" She asked, starting to become a little bit worried about the whole thing. "I don't want Seth to start hating me again."

"I thought about that, but figured we could talk to him first about the whole pot thing. We can guilt him into playing his part afterwards."

She thought about what Sandy was saying and knew it would work. But his plan didn't diminish how guilty she felt about this whole thing. "Maybe it's just easier to not play any games and come clean with your mother."

Sandy looked at her like she had one certifiably insane. "That is not even an option. You do know it's my mother who is visiting, right?"

"I rather her hate me, than ask Seth and Ryan to lie."

"It's not really lying and she already hates you." He simply stated.

"Thanks. That makes me feel a whole lot better."

After they agreed on not telling the Nana and deciding to talk to the boys the following night, they left the restaurant together. As he walked her back to her car, he rested his hand on the small of her back. It felt so natural.

"So I'll see you tomorrow night." He said as he opened the door for her.

"Okay." She said as she climbed in the car.

He shut the door for her. "Next time, I am definitely interested in meeting at the house!" He winked, before he turned around and headed in the opposite direction.

The following night Sandy arrived at the house early making sure he and Kirsten were on the same page with speaking to Seth alone and then later with both the boys about the Nana coming. Kirsten was in Sandy's study, working on from home so she wouldn't get stuck in the office with her Dad. She knew tonight was an important night and wanted to be completely focused on her family.

Sandy opened the front door and immediately heard the keys clicking away from his office. It was such an odd sound because no one ever used his study. Seth and Ryan had their own computers and Kirsten barely worked from home. If she did, it was always paper work, which she normally would spread across the entire kitchen.

He placed his briefcase and keys on the entranceway table, and rounded the corner to see her sitting in his oversized leather chair. She looked so tiny, but that determined look on her face was one of the reasons he fell in love with her in the first place. With her father's money and her mother's social status, she probably would have never had to work a day in her whole life. But she was too smart for her own good and decided she could be a real asset to The Newport Group. Her intelligence, her self-motivation and her need not to mooch off her family made her the sexiest woman in the world to him. He loved her need to powerful, but to earn it on her own. He loved her need to be successful, but work hard for it so accomplishments tasted that much sweeter. He loved that she didn't want to live in her father's shadow.

"You're staring." She states, not looking away from the computer screen, interrupting Sandy from his thoughts.

"How do you do that?" He asks, bewildered that she just might possibly have eyes behind her head.

"I can feel your presence." She simply states.

Sandy lowers his voice as he cracks a joke. "Did you find more of Seth's pot and holding out on me?"

This pulls her eyes away and she looks at him expectantly. "Shh! Ryan's home and I certainly don't need him overhearing this conversation."

He decided to change the subject. "It's really weird to see you in here."

She smiled at the awkwardness. "I've been using your office lately. I have to say, it's kind of nice."

"Plan on taking it over?" He asked her light heartedly.

"That depends...Are you planning on eventually coming home?" She regretted it, once it was out of her mouth. She didn't want to put him on the spot, and from the look on his face she was scaring the shit out of him.

"I...um...I don't know what to ..."

"I'm sorry." She immediately said. "I didn't mean to..."

"Me too." He said sadly.

She pushed her chair back, wanting to deflate the huge elephant in the room. "I'll tell you what." She said in a flirtatious tone which immediately made Sandy smile. "Let's not talk about the future." She remained seated as she spoke. "But if you want your chair back, you're going to have to come and reclaim it yourself."

He laughed at her antics. "You are going to be so sorry you just said that." Sandy looked out of the room and across the yard, locating Ryan in the pool house. He made his way over to her and in one swoop, lifted her off the chair and placed her on his desk. He kept his eyes locked with hers and he slowly sat himself down in front of her.

She couldn't resist. She slid her ass off the desk and slowly onto his lap, straddling him with legs. "I'll never be sorry when I find myself in this position."

"Kirsten..." He wanted to object, but her body felt so good against his. She leaned in and her lips felt incredible. He would never tire of her kisses.

Suddenly they heard the front door open, and Kirsten stiffened. She heard keys thrown on the table. Sandy felt her fidgeting to get up. She pushed herself hard off his chest, pushing herself off his lap and out of the chair. She walked towards the door of the office and peaked around the corner. It was Seth.

"Showtime." Sandy whispered to her as she smoothed out her suit. "Seth Ezekiel!"

"The dreaded middle name." They heard him murmur.

"Can you please come in here? Your mother and I need to talk to you."

As Seth rounded the corner he was surprised that both his parents were not only home early, but they were spending time together without him or Ryan. Then he realized, this, must be serious. "Listen, if this is about you two and what is going to happen, maybe we should call Ryan in here so you don't have to do it twice." He rolled his eyes as he started to head towards the door to get his brother.

"Hold it!" Sandy said in his best stern voice. "We want to talk to you and you only."

"So this isn't about you guys and your failing marriage?"

"No." Then Sandy thought he should question that statement. "What made you think it was?"

"Well, let's think about it. Everything in the past few months has been about you two."

Kirsten knew what Sandy was doing, but she knew that cornering Seth was not going to make him spill the reasons behind the possession of pot. "Seth, your father and I know things have been tough on you lately, but we are truly trying to sustain our family values. If you need to talk to someone about how all of this is affecting you, you can turn to either of us."

Sandy knew Kirsten was trying to comfort him, but he didn't need to be coddled. He needed to be scared. "Seth, we found a good amount of pot in your room."

Seth tensed up and a look of horror crossed his features. He knew he couldn't pass it off as anyone else's. "You went snooping through my stuff?"

Kirsten gave Sandy a look basically saying _'I told you so_.'

"Seth..." Kirsten began, "We are not as oblivious as you think we are."

"So, what now? I'm grounded, right?" He was royally pissed. "I'm going to be punished for doing something Dad and probably you have done a million times."

Sandy couldn't stand his childish behavior. "That's enough!" He took a deep breath before he continued. "We are not going to stand here and be disrespected by you. We love you and we are just a little concerned. We are not stupid and we are not blind. We want to treat you like an adult in this situation, but if you are going to act like a child, then we are going to be forced to treat you like one too."

When Seth didn't answer, Kirsten picked up where Sandy left off. "Seth, we know if we punish you and tell you not to do it, you are going to do the complete opposite. We know you are a good kid and we would like to think you can make responsible decisions. I'm not condoning this at all, but at the very least, please be careful. Don't do anything more stupid!"

Seth was confused. He thought his parents were going to punish him until the end of time. "That's it?"

Sandy wasn't thrilled about how this went, but he knew Kirsten didn't want to come down on him any harder. He just didn't think Seth truly understood their position on the matter. "That's not it! This is very serious Seth! We are very disappointed in the decisions that you have been making. We understand experimentation, but don't mistake that for more than what it is. Please don't make us be sorry for handling this so lightly. The next time we become alerted to this, you are not going to get off this easy. Do you understand me?"

"Okay." That was all a normally verbose Seth could muster. He was pretty impressed with the way they handled that. He was impressed that they even noticed. They have been so pre-occupied with their own drama; he never thought they cared enough to get involved with his own. "I'm sorry." It was a genuine statement.

Sandy spoke first. "Like I said, this better be the end of what we know of this." He looked at Kirsten for confirmation that they were done with him. When she slightly nodded, he changed the subject. "Get washed up for dinner. We are all eating together tonight."

Sandy worked the grill as usual and Kirsten set the table, poured the drinks and called everyone to sit down. Once they started eating, Kirsten figured she would start off the conversation. Sandy started the one with Seth, so she figured it was her turn.

"So your father and I wanted to talk to you both about something."

"Ryan, were you caught smoking pot too?" Seth asked, trying to be funny.

Ryan's eyes widened, wondering why Seth would say something so stupid. Did Sandy and Kirsten know about what Seth has been doing? Did they know how hard Ryan had been trying to talk some sense into him?

"Did you know something about that?" Sandy asked, bewildered. He figured Ryan was at the point of feeling comfortable enough to come to them when he became aware of a problem.

Ryan put his head down, afraid of the angry tone Sandy held with those words.

"Ryan? Answer us!" Kirsten said, a little more sternly.

"I'm sorry."

"That's not good enough kid." Sandy said lacking sympathy.

"It's not his fault. I asked him not to tell." Seth defended.

"We're talking to Ryan." Kirsten stated. "Why wouldn't you come to us if you need our help?"

"I didn't think it was that big of a deal. You guys have a lot on your plate, plus I felt as if Seth had it under control." Ryan knew that was not what they wanted to hear.

"Regardless of what is going on in our lives, we always want to know what is going on in the both of yours." Sandy declared. "I'm only going to say this one more time. Kirsten and I don't appreciate being lied to. Ryan I am not sure what your involvement is in all of this, but let it be known that we do not like being lied to and we will always worry about what goes own, no matter how busy we become. Do you both understand me?"

When they nodded, Kirsten started again. "So, what I was trying to say before was that The Nana is coming in from New York this weekend."

Kirsten waited for the information to sink in, hoping they can draw their own conclusions of what they were asking of them. Seth spoke first. "Is she coming to referee?" Seth joked again. "She must be thrilled with you these days, huh mom?" Seth loved to see his parents get in trouble. It was a nice turn of events in his mind.

"Well, that's just it." Sandy spoke. "She doesn't know of anything that has been going on this past year."

Ryan was always a little quicker than Seth and he could sense that Sandy and Kirsten were asking something of them. "So you want us to pretend that nothing has happened? Put on a show?"

Seth looked at him like he was crazy, but when he turned back to his parents; he knew Ryan hit the nail on the head. "Are you serious?"

"I know this is a lot to ask of you both, but it's just for the weekend we would appreciate the support." Kirsten said softly.

Sandy knew Kirsten was feeling awful about what they were asking of the boys. He reached under the table and sought out her hand. When his skin met hers, he gave her a reassuring squeeze. "You both know how The Nana feels about Kirsten and we don't need any more fuel to add to that fire."

"So you want us to lie?" Seth asked.

"We just want you guys to go along with us on this one." Kirsten said again.

"You're going to move back in for the weekend?" Seth was firing all the questions. "Where will you sleep? You don't think The Nana is going to suspect anything?"

Sandy took on Seth. "I'm going to come here after work on Friday. I will sleep in our bedroom. It is big enough for your mother and I to co-exist. I don't think my mother is perceptive enough to realize that our life has changed too much. Do you guys think you can handle all of this because we would really like for you to spend the weekend at home?"

Kirsten appreciated how Sandy took a stand for her well-being. It was her turn to squeeze his hand underneath the table in appreciation.

"Whatever you guys want." Ryan spoke. He took this as a very good sign. He figured if Sandy and Kirsten weren't planning on telling The Nana, maybe they were starting to think about reconciliation. It was very obvious to him that they both still loved each other very much. He just questioned if it would be enough to jump that hurdle.

"Not to bring this up again, but you both realize that Chrismukah is right around the corner."

Kirsten was thrilled that Seth was the one to change the subject. "Yes, we know. We received a multitude of Chrismukah lists from you and none from Ryan." She looked at him knowingly.

"Well, what is going to happen then? Will Dad be here on the Eve and the whole next day to watch Stallone classics?"

Ryan smirked at this, remembering how Sandy forced them to watch Over The Top.

"Actually your mother and I already spoke about it and I will be here on the Eve and wake up with you guys in the morning."

"Where are you going to sleep then?" Seth was hoping he would say their bedroom, but knew they would not have to put up a charade then.

"Ummm, I guess the pool house." He turned to Ryan, asking permission. "Is that okay?"

Ryan shrugged his shoulders, wondering why Sandy would even ask that question. It was his house.

"Will you stay for movie time as well?"

Kirsten wanted Seth to stop. She knew the last thing Sandy needed was to be pressured. She knew he was trying, but backing him into a corner was not the way to win him back. "Seth, stop with the twenty questions. Your dad will probably want to see Nicole for the holidays too." Suddenly Kirsten let go of his hand.

"Oh, okay. Well, we can just skip the movie." Seth could see the hurt look on his father's face. "I'm glad you will be here for the many, many presents that will be opened."

Sandy smiled at his son, grabbing Kirsten's hand again. "I can be here for the movies too. Don't want to break tradition."

Once they all helped clear the table, Seth challenged Ryan to a play station duel. "Don't forget to be here on Friday night. Your mother and I are going to need the distraction and the relief."

Sandy made his way to the sink and started to load the dishwasher. "You do realize you made Seth's day, right?"

He smiled, knowing she was referring to Chrismukah. "And your's?" He asked, always needing the reassurance these days.

"And mine." She agreed with him. "I don't understand it, but I'm not asking any questions."

"What don't you understand?"

She hesitated, before she spoke and Sandy picked up on it. "Go ahead. Be honest." He urged.

"This was the location of our last blowout. You can't blame me for being gun-shy."

He stared at her, barely remembering the fight they had that drove him to sleep with Nicole. "I think that might be the first fight that we have ever had that neither of us apologized for."

"Yeah." She said laughing. She continued her thought from before. "I just figured you would have wanted to see Nicole at some point during the holiday. I really didn't expect you to spend that much time with us."

"You set your expectations too low."

"I don't like getting my hopes up for them only to be crushed." She said in a cynical tone.

"You're such a pessimist."

They both laughed, feeling a little bit awkward and a lot of sexual tension. She knew she had to pull the reigns back a bit. She didn't want to scare him off, deciding to change the subject once again. "So Chrismukah in the pool house huh?"

"I wasn't really sure how to answer that one. I swear that kid always catches me off guard."

"I owe you another _'I told you so'_ then."

"What are you talking about?"

"When we built this house, you said there was no need for a pool house, but once again I am proving you wrong."

Sandy thought back to what she was saying and unfortunately she was absolutely right. Before Ryan came, they made use of that pool house in ways that Ryan would be horrified to know about. Now they were using it as Ryan's bedroom and in the future it will be used once again for Sandy. He remembered the day they moved into the house.

_Caleb had insisted in hiring movers so everything was already in the house by the time they arrived. Sandy spent the majority of his day hooking up the television so Seth could be occupied with movies or Nintendo. _

_Once the night came, Kirsten and Sandy were sitting on the patio alongside the pool, while Seth was glued to his spot on the living room floor._

_"I can't believe this is our house. My mother is going to have a field day with this one!"_

_"It's not so enormous. I think it will fit us perfectly."_

_"You do? That's because the house you grew up in is probably seven times the size of this house."_

_Kirsten looked back at Seth and decided she was ready to begin the act of christening every part of this house. It had to be done just to defy her father. A man never wants to imagine his daughter doing such things and, since the house was legally still in his name, it only made the sex that much hotter._

_She got up abruptly and started heading toward the doors of the pool house. She gave him a look that he never misinterpreted. "Where are you going?" He asked as he got up and followed her._

_She stepped inside the bare room decorated with cold Spanish tile and no blinds. "I'm about to show you why we needed this pool house."_

_She shut the lights to make sure Seth could not see in, but was able to keep her eyes on him in the house. She kissed Sandy hard, knowing they were not going to have the luxury of taking their time. He loved this side of Kirsten that hardly anyone knew. She loved doing things like this which made her sexy as hell. _

_Sandy broke the kiss, looking around at the empty room wondering where this sacred act was going to happen. "You know, you should tell your father we need some furniture in here." He joked and immediately kissed her again. He led her to the three little steps that led to a mini kitchen and took a seat, pulling Kirsten with down with him. As she straddled him and worked on undoing his belt, she spoke quietly to him. "I bet this is the exact reason my father put in these steps." She joked back._

_That was the first of many times they used the pool house for nights like this._

He didn't know how to tell her the truth. If he did, he would be admitting something he wasn't ready to disclose. He decided to go in a different direction. "I rather spend the holiday in the pool house than in my dingy apartment."

"Your apartment wouldn't be dingy if you let me help you with your search."

He laughed, knowing that she was very confident with her real estate knowledge. "You're probably right."

"I rather you spend the holiday in our bedroom rather than in the pool house." She stated.

He moved closer to her, but didn't give in to close physical contact he so desperately wanted. "That can be arranged." When she didn't make a move toward him and he sensed something was bothering her. "What's the matter?"

"I just..." She was struggling with what she wanted to say. "I guess I'm just confused."

He knew what she was confused about. "I'm not seeing Nicole anymore."

Kirsten looked up at him in surprise. "Wow. Now I'm confused and surprised."

"She just didn't want to play second fiddle anymore." He decided to say what he wanted without revealing too much. "I'm spending Chrismukah here because I want to be here." He cupped her face gently. "See, it's not that confusing."

Kirsten's heart melted like it had done so many times in the past. She smiled lazily at him, wondering what happened to make all of this occur. She touched his hand that was touching her face. "Are you okay?"

At that moment, Ryan walked into the kitchen and caught them living in such a tender moment. Once they recognized his presence, Kirsten dropped her hand and Sandy let go of her. Sandy cleared his throat, trying to ease the awkwardness. His eyes never left Kirsten's. "I'm just working it all out in my head." He then turned to Ryan. "I'm out of here. Be home right after school on Friday or else." He joked. "Goodnight Kirsten."

As Sandy exited the kitchen, Kirsten felt the need to fill the silence. "We were just..."

"It's fine." He interrupted. "I was sorry to walk in. I felt like you guys might have been having a moment or something." He mumbled.

_You have no idea_, she thought.

The next morning Kirsten was at her office, amused by the fact in all the years she was married to Sandy, never had she been this excited about a visit from her mother-in-law. She was looking forward to playing house with Sandy. She still wasn't thrilled about what they were asking of the boys, but they took it better than she expected.

She also thought about her discussion with Sandy and the fact that he and Nicole were over. She thought over and over about how she reacted. She was thrilled beyond belief, but singing from the tree tops was not an option. She knew Sandy probably didn't take it well and wanted to be sensitive to his feelings. But the more she thought about it, she felt as if she might not have exemplified the fact that she was elated.

She knew the moment passed and wished she could have gone back in time. if she had that capability, she would have taken back all five times she slept with Jimmy and the two times they kissed afterwards. She decided to put matters into her own hands. She picked up the phone dialed that familiar number.

"Sandy Cohen." He answered.

"Hey you." She said in a rather flirtatious tone.

"Hey." He said skeptically. "What's up?"

"Nothing. I was just thinking about you and I wanted to let you know that."

He smiled, remembering all the times they shared these pointless phone calls. "What exactly were you thinking about?"

"I was thinking about my reaction to you and Nicole. I wanted to come off as sincere, but to be honest I couldn't be happier that you guys broke up. I'm sorry. I know how cruel that sounds, but I really don't care. I hated the fact that you had another companion. If you are hurt by it, then I am truly sorry because the last thing I want is for you to hurt any more than you already have."

"Kirsten..." He wanted her to stop talking. He wanted her to understand that all of this didn't mean he was coming home for good.

She knew what he was thinking and wanted those thoughts to be put out of his mind. "I also know that doesn't mean things with us are back on track. I know you still need time to figure out if you can forgive me and eventually trust me again. I know that is going to be very difficult for you, but I do recognize that you are trying and I love you so, so much for trying."

"Just because I am trying doesn't mean the end result is set in stone." He said sadly.

"And you call me the pessimist?" She joked to lighten the mood. She decided to change the subject, knowing she got her point across. "So what time are you coming by tomorrow?"

He decided to take a chance. "Early, if you are going to be working from home."

"I told you I would wait. You are going to drop off some stuff, right?"

He knew her like a book. She wanted him to state his intentions. "That wasn't the only reason I was asking."

"See you at ten?"

"Definitely."

Friday morning finally arrived and the boys already left for school. Kirsten didn't have the chance to get dressed since her business day started very early that morning. There was some sort of problem with the latest issue of the magazine and she had been fielding calls from her father, Julie and Carter all morning. She had papers spread across the entire living room and she paced between the two couches in her fluffy white slippers.

She knew Sandy would be arriving soon, and there was no way going into the office was an option. She knew she had to do everything in her power to get her marriage back on track and if she had to choose, it would be Sandy every time.

She heard the front door open and immediately noticed the surprised look on Sandy's face at the sight in front of him. He was carrying a cardboard box and rolling his suitcase as she apologized to him with her eyes. He pointed to the bedroom, letting her know he was going to get settled as she tried to wrap things up.

"It will make the stands if we get everyone on board to work through the night." He heard her say. "I am not available to come into the office today." He recognized how hard this probably was for her. He was going to tell her that he would just see her later, but then he heard her say his name. "Carter that is not an option. You are going to have to handle it on your own." He hated that she was talking to another man. He knew she had no real interest in him, but something inside was very unsettled. But she managed to change his position. "I told you a few days ago, I was spending time with my family. No it cannot wait. I have to run. Call back with some estimated figures later."

When she turned back around, Sandy was watching her from the archway that divided the living room from the foyer. "I'm sorry about that." Then she pointed to her clothing. "I'm sorry about this. Today has just been insane. I wanted to get dressed and see you looking my best. That's now ruined." She said light heartedly.

He moved closer to her and encircled his arms around her waist. She wasn't expecting that, but welcomed the gesture. "This is when you always look the most beautiful." He complimented. "No one ever gets to see this side of you and that is what makes it so special."

Again, she melted. She kissed him softly, but as usual their passion grew. Spending so much time apart from one another, only unleashed suppressed passion in the both of them. Sandy removed Kirsten's bath robe and pushed her back onto their couch. "I have been thinking about this since yesterday morning." He said breathlessly.

"I've been thinking about this since the last time we did this." She smiled.

They made love in the living room which they hadn't done in forever. It was such an open space, but neither of them cared. As they got re-dressed, Sandy said what was on both their minds. "God, that was different. Good thing Seth or Ryan didn't cut school today."

"Well being witness to that would have been their punishment."

"Speaking of them, I wanted to mention this to you yesterday, but I didn't know how." She looked at him quizzically, but knew this had to do with what was happening with them and their sons. "I really think we have to be careful of how we act around each other. Ryan saw us yesterday and I know that kid could see through anyone's act. I just don't want them to be confused about us." He saw the hurt look in her eyes, so he continued. "Don't you agree? Until we figure out what we are doing here, we should try and keep this part of our life a secret."

"Yes. I understand what you are saying." She paused before saying, "Besides, I think it might be fun to sneak around for awhile."

--

--

_**Please don't punish me for not updating sooner. I still really want you guys to review.**_


	23. Pretending to Pretend

_**I hope none of you dropped dead from a heart attack as a result from my quick update!**_

_**Thanks for being patient with me. I am just getting into the messaging thing, so feel free to shoot me an email as well. Again, thank you for taking the time to review. You all rock my world.**_

_**By the way, has anyone been watching that show on Lifetime Army Wives? Kim Delaney (Rebecca) and Brian McNamara (Carson) are married. It is so weird to watch!**_

_**Is it weird that I am still watching the re-runs on SoapNet of the OC? I just can't help it!**_

_**Kandyfanz123 - Thanks for the quote. I'm glad I was able to turn your day around. Don't you just love Kirsten as the flirtatious devil?**_

_**Kandy4ever - Romance is in the cards.**_

_**bluetoffee - I liked writing that part where Kirsten demanded a kiss in front of the Newpsies.**_

_**KrabbyPatty - I am glad you decided against punishing me. I take in everyone's theories. I wanted to bring Nicole to make Kirsten realize that she was somewhat of a Newpsie. Even though she was out of character a bit, like you said, she was jilted! Also you are totally onto something because I have to bring Jimmy back somehow.**_

_**x-christa-x - I am going to try my best to update quicker. I promise.**_

_**Jennyloveskandy - Of course there will be more stress.**_

_**Panzie - Thanks for all the compliments. Julie/Kirsten is so much fun to write, but I find it hard to come up with hysterical things for Julie to say. Josh was the king of that!**_

_**KellyPeter - I had to have her hang up on Carter.**_

_**Jen - They are somewhat together. Don't think it's all settled just yet.**_

_**Slinn01 - I did get your email and I appreciate all the support. I have been mulling over the whole pregnancy thing and I am still torn. I still have about three other avenues to complete before I get to that point.**_

_**Tiffany - Thanks for the quote. I really think the character of Kirsten would actually say stuff like that, just to turn Sandy on and defy her father.**_

_**Kandyislove - When I started to write the last chapter, I meant to have The Nana's visit in there. But it was too long and I was in such a rush to post. She will be in this one.**_

_**Perla25 - Thanks for the constant support.**_

_**Megan - So they're together, pretending to be apart, pretending to be together? That is very funny when you put it like that!**_

_**Cheerleader 2006 - I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this story is going to eventually end. I have been thinking of writing a kelly/peter story, but probably going to do a missing scene one next. Not sure though. And all I am going to say is that The Nana is very perceptive.**_

_**SexyEm - I love writing their flirtatious phone calls too. The robe was not meant to be hot, but glad you saw that element in there. Your senses are correct...smut is calling. Thanks for the props!**_

_**Nova - I'm so glad you are still reading. Unfortunately I don't have a storyline for a future Berkeley fic. I'm still thinking though.**_

_**Carrie - I check this site everyday too for updates, so I know exactly how you feel.**_

_**Stripscrabble - Who doesn't want Sandy Cohen for a husband?**_

_**On with it...**_

There wasn't a cloud in the sky when Sandy left the house and headed toward the airport. One of many things, he was sure his mother would complain about. It would be too bright outside for her and she would immediately put on her sunglasses. This was one of the many things he loved about California. There were hardly any dreary days, constantly lifting his mood. Maybe that was why Sophie hated it. She liked her mood to match the weather. She was the most cynical person his path had every crossed.

He parked the car and waited for her at the security checkpoint. He didn't want to piss off his mother the second she walked off the plane by not coming inside. He felt nervous seeing his mother, knowing she could see right through him. He just hoped that they would all be able to pull off this charade.

He hated lying to his mother, but the less she knew, the better. It was clear to everyone how Sophie felt about Kirsten. He also knew over time, Sophie finally relented. In the beginning, she didn't give Kirsten enough credit. She just assumed that Kirsten was just like her father, but Sandy knew that couldn't be further from the truth. As time passed, Sophie realized Kirsten truly loved Sandy, but she hated how Sandy worshipped the ground she walked on. Kirsten didn't understand why this woman couldn't stand to see her son happy, but it was something that Sophie found hard to watch. Was it because she wasn't happy herself or was it jealousy because Sandy never treated his mother that way?

He was surprised when he got his first glimpse of her. He thought she would look sick from all the chemo and radiation, but she looked incredible. "Ma!" He shouted to gain her attention.

She gave him a tight-lip smile as she made her way over to him. "You gave yourself the day off?" She sneered.

"I wasn't going to let you find your own way to our house." He leaned down to kiss her. "You look great, Ma."

"Did you think I would look half dead?"

Sandy rolled his eyes as they made their way to the baggage claim. "Where's Kirsten? Is she too good to come to the airport to keep you company?"

"Not even an hour and you threw the first insult. Even for you, that's impressive."

"And my grandson? Is he starting to take after his mother and not care about anyone but himself?"

As Sandy grabbed her bags off the carousal, he asked. "Can you not do this? Can you not pick on every little thing while you are here?"

"Don't sound so exasperated Sandy. My insults never seemed to bother you before."

"They always bother me." He stated, but the truth was that it just hurt more this time. Was his mother right? All this time, did Kirsten really only care about herself? Was he just too blind to see it? Was he too stubborn to think anything but the fact that Kirsten was solely perfect?

Sophie couldn't help but wonder what was bothering him. He just seemed almost aggravated, but not at her, just at life. Where was her self-righteous, confident, annoying, optimistic son?

The ride home was unusually quiet, but Sandy didn't want to come off to his mother like he was trying to hard. He tried to relax in the silence, but there seemed to be a lot of tension in the air. He decided to try and break it. "So, Kirsten is home preparing a late lunch for all of us. Seth and Ryan should be home soon too."

"Kirsten is cooking?" Sophie asked. She hated the fact that her daughter-in-law never took the time to learn how to cook for her son, not that Sandy ever cared.

"I said preparing, not cooking." He joked with his mother. That was always safe territory. Bashing Kirsten and her inability to cook was okay. Kirsten was used to it.

When they arrived home, voices could be heard from the kitchen. Seth was speaking in long, run on sentences, but they also heard Kirsten and Ryan interjecting. Sandy led Sophie toward the kitchen as he took her bags upstairs to the guest room next to Seth's.

"Nana!" Seth said loudly. "How are you?"

"I'm not deaf and I'm fine, not that you care. You never call, write or visit." She semi-joked.

"Hi Sophie." Kirsten said, making her way over to the older woman. "How was your flight?" She asked, as she gave her an awkward hug.

"It was good, but I really don't like flying first class. I never believed in the casting system." She bluntly said. "Not all of us think we are better than others." She directed at Kirsten and then turned to Seth. "I hope you're not adapting such ideas."

"Casting system. No, since I would be a the very bottom of harbor high society. What about you Ryan?" Seth asked, turning the attention toward Ryan.

Sandy walked in at that moment and wrapped an arm around Kirsten's waist, placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head. "For the millionth time Ma, Kirsten doesn't think she is better than anyone."

Kirsten placed her hand on top of his, feeling like it belonged there forever. She could feel Seth and Ryan's eyes on them, knowing they were throwing confused looks in their direction. But Seth, just like his father, filled the awkward tension.

"Can you two ever keep your hands off each other?"

Kirsten smiled at her son, quietly thanking him for going along with the plan.

"Yeah, it's creepy." Ryan added.

"Since when did you jump on Seth's band wagon?" Sandy asked, knowing it really never bothered him, but was putting on the act as well. Never did Ryan feel more like a part of their family than he did right now.

Kirsten decided to keep the focus off her and Sandy. It was hard to define what was normal and what was too much. "I hope everyone's hungry. Why don't we all go outside?" She suggested.

As the boys made their way outside, Sophie took a look back at Sandy and Kirsten, wondering why the room was filled with nervousness and tension. Once they were all seated outside, Sophie started her Kirsten attacking antics. "Kirsten, are you still working for your father?"

Kirsten looked at Sandy, almost scared of where she was going with this. "Yes, but I don't really like to consider myself working for him. We work together for The Newport Group. That hasn't changed."

Sandy put his hand over Kirsten's, showing his support; a gesture that didn't go unnoticed by the boys. "Ma, why do you always have to bring up Caleb? You know where this conversation is headed."

"I don't know where it's headed. Please, go ahead." Seth jumped in, causing his parent's to shoot him dirty looks.

"It's just that I can't understand how you can support your wife working for someone who is hell bent on destroying the environment as a whole."

"She doesn't share a brain with Caleb." Sandy said frustrated. "She's doesn't believe in every single thing that Caleb supports."

"Sandy, it's okay." Kirsten finally spoke. "Sophie, I pride myself on building homes for people who need them. I would hardly call that destroying the environment." Kirsten stood up abruptly and started making her way toward the kitchen. "I'm going to refill drinks." She called back to everyone.

"Why do you have to do this every single time you come?" Sandy said coldly. He got up and headed toward the kitchen as well. "I'll be right back."

Once Sandy entered the kitchen, he saw Kirsten hunched over the kitchen island, with her face in her hands. She heard Sandy enter and when their eyes met, she let out a huge sigh. "I'm sorry." She immediately said. "I have no idea why I let her comments upset me."

He scooped her into his arms and whispered into her ear. "Maybe because they are upsetting. She has no right to speak to you that way." He defended.

"It's okay. I'm used to her being this way. I guess with everything being so...just the way they are...I don't need her influencing you of all my bad qualities." She pulled back to read his eyes, to see if he was understand what she was saying.

He cupped her face and kissed her softly. "In twenty five years, she never convinced me of anything. She doesn't know you." He kissed her again, opening his mouth begging for her tongue to come out and play. He backed her up against the sink, not realizing they were now visible through the window. Once her tongue met his, he moaned loving how good that felt. She could feel a slight twinge in his pants, placing her fingers through the belt loops, pulling him closer so she could feel him. When it wasn't enough, she grabbed his crotch, loving the feeling of his growth. "We are going to have so much fun this weekend." She said through a big smile, kissing him more softly this time wanting to calm him down.

From the backyard, Sophie caught a glimpse of her son and daughter-in-law kissing through the window, laughing and smiling. It certainly wasn't the first time she was witnessed to such acts, but nevertheless, it still perturbed her. "So I guess their public displays of affection have not subsided over time, huh?"

Seth and Ryan followed Sophie's eyes to the kitchen window and could not believe what they were seeing. The back of Kirsten's head, with Sandy in very close proximity, talking and laughing like their was truly nothing wrong between them.

"You know them, Nana. They were never able to keep their hands to themselves." Seth said, as he looked at Ryan, confused beyond belief.

Later that night, Seth and Ryan were in the pool house playing video games, when Seth brought up the obvious. "Did you notice how my Dad kept defending my mom today? Don't you think that was really weird, considering the circumstances?"

"I don't know. They are trying to show a united front. I would be focusing on the intimacy we witnessed in the kitchen."

"Do you think that was part of the act?" Seth asked.

"I don't know." Ryan replied. "It didn't look fake, but then again, we have never played this game before. Maybe your parents are just really good actors."

"Maybe." Seth said, not really convinced.

They all gathered around the living room to watch a movie, when Kirsten fell asleep on Sandy's shoulder. Seth gave Ryan a look, silently telling him to take notice of his parent's position. Sandy caught them exchanging glances, passing one of his own. His look stated to them not to question any of this.

Before the movie was halfway through, The Nana announced that she was going to retire to bed. Her voice woke Kirsten, but she didn't move from Sandy's embrace. Once his mother was upstairs, Kirsten got up and announced she was heading to bed as well. She wanted to grab Sandy's hand and drag him with her to their bedroom, but she didn't have that luxury. She gave each of the boys a kiss on the head, not even looking in Sandy's direction.

Once she disappeared around the corner, Sandy spoke. "I'm not blind, so stop with the looks. I know what your both thinking and let me help you. Stop. There is nothing more to this that what we all spoke about. Okay?"

When both boys nodded, Sandy retreated to his bedroom as well. Once he disappeared around the corner, Seth broke the silence. "So, they are just really good at lying, huh?"

When Sandy entered their bedroom, he noticed that Kirsten was already under the covers. He had no idea what type of pajamas she was wearing, but from the thin straps on her shoulders, he knew it had to be something sexy. He stood still, just admiring her beauty from afar.

When she noticed his presence, she returned his smile. "What are you doing all the way over there?"

"Just looking."

"Like what you see?" She asked.

"What gets into you when my mother visits?" He asked remembering all the times she got like this when his mother was under their roof. Now that he thought about it, she was like this in New York as well.

_It was the first time Kirsten was going to New York with Sandy. She had the minimal pleasure of meeting Sophie Cohen in Berkeley, but now she was going to face off with her again on her home territory. She had been to New York a bunch of times before, but never been to the Bronx._

_Sandy was extremely nervous about this visit. He knew Kirsten wasn't shallow, but he was still concerned. he knew what she was used to and he tried to warn her multiple times that he grew up very differently from her. They never owned a house or a car. They lived in an apartment building and took the subway everywhere. _

_"Sandy, I don't care where you came from or how rich or poor you are. None of that matters to me. How many times do I have to tell you that?"_

_"You have no idea what you are in for." He exclaimed as they made their way in a cab from the airport to his apartment._

_"Let me take a guess. I'm in for a weekend of unbelievable sightseeing, incredible sex and being insulted relentlessly by your mother. Am I right?"_

_"Well, I guarantee the last two things and only hope for the first one to live up to your expectations."_

_"You should be more worried about the second thing living up to my expectations." She joked._

_He was silent for the majority of the cab ride home, which was very uncharacteristic. She knew that no matter what she thought of his home, she would have to be very supportive and encouraging. She took in her surroundings once they crossed the Triborough Bridge. She had never seen this part of New York before, but she loved Sandy and would do anything to make him feel comfortable with bringing her here. _

_When they arrived at the apartment, Kirsten kept her shocked feelings to herself. She couldn't believe someone as well adjusted as Sandy grew up in such a closed environment. It confirmed her thoughts that Sandy truly did beat to his own drum. As she expected, Sophie insulted her from the moment she arrived. As promised, Sandy took her to see a side of New York that only the locals knew. As for the sex, that would come at night._

_They returned from their long day, completely exhausted. Sophie waited for them to arrive, being polite enough to ask if they had a good time. It was late and they were both ready for bed, but this was the part that Kirsten was dreading. Before she left, she remembered her mother telling her to behave. She also remembered her mother instructing her to make sure she and Sandy slept separately. When Sandy visited Newport, he always stayed in the pool house. She just didn't want her daughter to give off a bad impression. 'Have some respect for yourself and this woman who welcomed you into her home.' Of course Kirsten rolled her eyes, but knew deep down her mom was right._

_After sitting in the living room with Sandy's mother, Sandy announced that he was heading to bed. "Are you ready?" He asked her._

_"Yes, I pretty exhausted." She said, glued to her seat._

_"My room is down the hall." Sandy pointed, expecting her to get up and follow him. _

_"Umm...I'm going to sleep on the couch." She said to Sandy, giving him a look that inexperience disabled him from understanding._

_"Huh?" he said confused._

_She wanted to kill him. How did he not understand her uncomfortableness? "I don't mind sleeping here."_

_"Dear, I'm not stupid. If you sleep together in California, you don't have to put on a show here." Sophie said snidely._

_Kirsten wanted to crawl underneath the couch and huddle herself into a small ball. "When Sandy comes to Newport, he stays in the pool house. We don't share a room there."_

_"So he is like your pool boy?" She shot back. "And I didn't mean Newport. I meant Berkeley."_

_Kirsten was about to fight words with words, but it was the last thing Sandy wanted. "Baby? Just come to bed. We are both exhausted and I really don't want to debate this for another second." When she didn't look convinced, he begged. "Please?" He held out his hand to her._

_How could she say no to that? "Okay." She got up and took his hand. "Goodnight Sophie." She said slyly._

_When they arrived in his bedroom, she took in her surroundings. There were Yankee posters on the wall, books evenly displayed on the shelves and a few trophies scattered around. As she unzipped her suitcase, she couldn't help but ask him. "So, how many girls have slept in this room with you?"_

_"You want to have this conversation now too?" He asked, laughing a little but._

_"I was just trying to show your mother some respect by offering to sleep out there."_

_"I know. I appreciate it, but you really shouldn't try so hard."_

_He kissed her, showing her how much he appreciated her efforts. His hands moved underneath her top, moving upward reaching the desired area. She took matters into her own hands and grabbed his groin, pulling him toward the bed. Sandy was never able to resist her, but he heard the familiar creek of the wood plank floors, indicating someone moving down the hallway. Sandy immediately pulled away, suddenly aware of where he was. _

She looked at him quizzically, waiting for an explanation. "I'm sorry. It's just..." He struggled with his words. "...This apartment is really small and you can hear every little move."

_"But your mother said it was okay for me to be in here." She shot back, raising an arched eyebrow in his direction. "Plus, I know how to be quiet." She stepped back, keeping eye contact with her soon to be lover. She could tell he wasn't one hundred percent convinced of what she wanted to do. She knew what would push him over the edge. "How many times as a teenager did dream about having an opportunity like this present itself and have only your hand to relieve the tension?" She asked smirking._

_She was pushing his buttons. "Don't you want me?" She asked, knowing when she asked that, he never back away. Within seconds, he closed the space between them and took full advantage of the fact that Sophie Cohen allowed Kirsten to spend the night in Sandy's childhood bedroom._

Kirsten thought about how to answer him, wanting her explanation to make sense. "I like to know that when your mother is here, that you still want me. Despite all her disapproving looks and remarks, I want to prove to you that she is wrong. I get this urge to always make sure you know you made the right decision in staying with me anyway."

"You don't have to do that when she is around. My mother never made me doubt my decisions concerning you."

She smiled. "Yeah, but it also make me feel good about myself too."

Sandy laughed and headed toward the bathroom to change out of his clothes for bed. "Do you think Seth and Ryan believe we are not really going to share a bed?" He called from the adjacent room.

"I can't imagine them thinking otherwise. Why?"

"I don't know. I caught them exchanging knowing looks, trying to figure out what was really going on. I think this whole thing is confusing them and putting thoughts into their minds."

"Well they wouldn't be wrong in assuming certain things." She said rolling over to face the bathroom door.

Sandy came out of the bathroom in just his boxers, and quickly climbed into his side of the bed. He sighed loudly, but didn't follow up with any words.

"Are you okay?" She asked, a tone of concern evident in her voice.

"Yeah." He said, rolling on his side to face her, their noses inches apart. "It just feels really good to here right now."

She kissed him lightly, but her lips trailed from his mouth to his neck, tugging gently at his earlobe. She whispered into his ear. "It about to feel even better." She playfully added. She rolled on top of him, missing how good that felt, her lips trailing down his chest and her hands played with the elastic of his boxer shorts.

"You always do this when my mother is here."

Her lips descended further, her head fully under the covers. Once his boxers were down to his ankles, her lips sought out his manhood. Once he felt the warm saliva against his skin, he moaned loudly. "Is there something wrong with wanting to be bad?" She seductively responded.

As her head bopped up and down, he was barely able to reply. "Not at all."

When Kirsten woke up the next morning, her hands were met with cold sheets when she reached out for Sandy. She figured he must have gone surfing. She made her way down to the kitchen and was met with her brown-eyed son, sitting at the island reading a comic book. "Where's The Nana?" She asked.

Seth shrugged his shoulders communicating that he had no clue.

"And your father?" She asked

He shrugged his shoulders again.

"You know, when I ask you question, I expect some sort of verbal response."

"How about a verbal question then?"

Kirsten stopped pouring her coffee, recognizing the seriousness of Seth's tone.

"I get that we are all supposed to be pretending here, right?"

As Seth started firing questions at Kirsten, neither of them heard The Nana come down the steps and halt her stance in the living room. She decided to listen to their conversation.

"Seth..." Kirsten started to interrupt, not wanting to be cornered by Seth without Sandy present. She wasn't sure where this was going or how she was supposed to respond.

"So if things with you and Dad are off, then how come you are putting on this charade so well?"

"What do you mean?" Kirsten asked.

"Well, Dad is dating someone else, you are dating someone, but when you are together, everything seems normal, like nothing ever happened in the first place."

"We told you this is what your father and I wanted. We weren't ready to make a final decision on our marriage yet, so we didn't want to have to tell your grandmother anything until we were sure of what we were going to do." Kirsten said hoping this was the end of the conversation.

"Yeah, I get that, but what I don't get is all the displays of affection when The Nana isn't even around. Dad is still defending you and your actions seem so natural. It makes no sense."

"Seth, just bear with us, please?" She didn't know what else to say.

"Whatever The Kirsten wants, the Kirsten gets, right?"

"I appreciate it."

"You know, I could really use a boost in my allowance."

"Nice try."

For the rest of the day, The Nana kept mulling over what Seth had said. She just couldn't believe that her son and daughter-in-law were having any sort of marital problems. She thought she could read people pretty well, but she knew what she heard.

She made a conscious effort to really examine the dynamic between the two. Nothing seemed different. They reached for each other's hands when they were in the same room. When they weren't, they always knew where the other was. She constantly would rub his back. He would constantly kiss her temple. They laughed with each other and expressed concern without even realizing it. It probably wasn't until she took a step back to truly take a deep look at the relationship in front of her that all these years, she might have been wrong about the two of them. That is why the conversation that she overheard seemed so bizarre.

That evening Sandy was at the grill, while the boys floated around in the pool, waiting for dinner. Kirsten was pouring drinks as The Nana set the table. Kirsten stared out the window just watching Sandy, wondering for probably the millionth time, how she could have hurt him so badly. Sophie noticed Kirsten's gaze and laughed to herself. Kirsten looked like a schoolgirl in love.

She stared at Sandy as well as she spoke. "I guess after all these years, I was wrong."

Kirsten's attention was immediately diverted to Sophie. She rarely heard her use such a soft voice, directed her way. "I'm sorry." She wanted Sophie to either explain or repeat herself.

"I really never thought you two would have made it. You are both so different. I knew you loved each other. I mean you moved into a mail truck. That spoke volumes about your character, but I never would have thought in a million years I would be standing here today."

Kirsten didn't know what to say, so she remained quiet. She wanted to scream _'I told you so'_, but that wouldn't be fair. Her marriage was not on solid ground, and all these years, Sophie was wise beyond the time.

After a few minutes of staring out the window, she finally had the courage to speak. Keeping her eyes fixated on Sandy, she spoke softly. "You were the one that was right, Sophie."

"Which time?" She joked.

"Well, you always thought I was using Sandy, but back then and even now, I love him more than my own life. It was very hard for you to believe that."

"Maybe."

"But you were right." Her eyes locked with Sandy's and he gave her a warm, sexy smile. "I never deserved him. He is such a good, honest, loving and sincere man. I never deserved someone like him to love me unconditionally."

Sophie couldn't believe what she was hearing. Kirsten never admitted that she was wrong. Not to her anyway. This was a true breakthrough for both these women. "Well, you must have done something right." She said bluntly.

After their talk, The Nana noticed the sad look in her eyes. If what Seth said was true, which was still hard to believe, Kirsten was proving a point to her right then and there. If something was going on, it must have been Kirsten's fault. That was the easy piece of the puzzle. Something had to have happened to make Kirsten admit her deepest feelings. There was only one way she could find out.

Kirsten went to bed early that night, feeling miserable about the day's events. She hated to come to a realization this huge, twenty years too late. She was sad and something inside suddenly started to hurt. Not long afterwards, Sandy appeared in their bedroom, expressing concern. "Are you okay? You were so quiet tonight."

When she turned to face him, he could see that she had been crying and immediately rushed over to her side of the bed. "I'm sorry." She said, wiping her eyes.

"What did my mother do now?"

"Nothing." She said quickly. "I admitted something to your mother today and it just hurt really bad."

When she didn't continue, Sandy used his index finger to lift her chin, forcing eye contact. "Tell me."

"She was right. After all these years of fighting her tooth and nail on her little thing, she was right. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to say that."

"Right about what?"

"She always felt that I didn't deserve you. That you could have done so much better than me. My conservative views, my father, and my money...I could go on and on. We both know that." She sat herself up in bed to be eye level with him. "She doesn't even know what I did, but she still saw that I didn't deserve you. She was able to predict that I would do this twenty years ago. She was right."

"She has been predicting this for about twenty five years if you count all the years that we dated." He said, trying to cheer her up.

She stifled a laugh, wanting to express to Sandy once again how sorry she was. "God, Sandy..."

"I know." He said before she got the chance to finish. He pulled her into his arms and comforted her. "It's going to be okay. No matter what happens, we are going to be okay."

They shared a bed night, without having sex. They shared an intimacy that went beyond the physical. Who would have thought The Nana would have brought them together?

The next morning Ryan helped The Nana bring her bags down from the guest room. She said her goodbyes to Kirsten and Seth and was waiting for Sandy to take her to the airport.

"Ma! I'll be right down. Your airline tickets are in my office on top of the desk. Make sure you grab them." Sandy called from his bedroom.

As Sophie made her way into Sandy's office, she noticed there were a lot of Newport Group papers spread all over. She had no idea Kirsten worked from home. She never saw Kirsten in this room. She spotted the airline tickets, but her eye was drawn to something else. The outside of the manila folder read Cohen vs. Cohen. Sophie couldn't help herself and peaked inside. Kirsten was the one who filed papers to separate from her son. What Seth said was the truth. All of this made no sense. Again, she chastised herself for not being able to read her family well.

As Sandy's voice came from down the hallway, Sophie dropped the folder and met him in the foyer. "Ready?" He asked.

She nodded and they headed out. The ride to the airport was relatively quiet. Sophie kept replaying everything that went on this weekend in her mind. She was trying to make sense of it all, but knew she would just have to ask Sandy about it all.

"I'm glad I came."

"You are?" He asked, surprised.

"Yeah." She thought about what to say next. "You know that I can read people pretty well, right Sanford?"

Sandy stiffened a little bit. It wasn't much, but Sophie noticed. "Yeah Ma, I know."

"I'm really not sure what is going on with your family, but I know it is not something you want to discuss with me. Not yet anyway." When Sandy didn't say anything she continued. She figured he wouldn't say anything because Sandy was never a liar when confronted about something directly. "I can see that deep down you and Kirsten truly love one another. You still hold this undying torch for the other, which you rarely see in relationships that have transcended time. Whatever is going on, you will get through it. Not because you have to for the boys or for the fear of being lonely, but because you want to. I never thought I would say it, but you two are going to grow old together." As they pulled into the airport, she finished with this. "Do you know how hard it is for me to admit that I am wrong?"

Once they were at the security checkpoint, they said their goodbyes. "Thanks Ma."

"No one said marriage was easy. Some just work at it a bit harder because they desperately want it to work. Remember that Sanford." With that Sophie moved ahead in line, not looking back at her son.

Kirsten was at work when Sandy gathered his things and moved them back into his apartment. He didn't want to do it with her there. It would only make things more difficult. He wanted to call her, but needed some time. He was trying to take his mother's advice and figure out a way to put them back on the road they both wanted.

The longer he waited, the harder it was to call Kirsten. He was afraid that things between them were getting complicated. No one said this was going to be easy. It had been three days since he gathered his stuff. He missed her. He was in his office when his phone rang right around lunchtime. When he read The Newport Group on the Caller ID, he smiled hoping Kirsten wanted to set up a lunch date.

"Hey you." He answered.

"Is that how you answer all your business calls?" A stern voice asked.

"Caleb. What do I owe this pleasure?" He asked sarcastically.

"I thought you and my daughter were not doing well. From the tone of your voice, I assume things are getting better?"

"Caleb, it's none of your business."

"Well, I hope I'm right because then I won't feel so bad asking you for a favor."

"This can't be good."

"One of my men was arrested the other night for stumbling drunk into a hotel room. You remember Uncle Shaun?"

"Heard of him, but our paths have never crossed."

You have some friends at the D.A.'s office right? Can you dig up how serious they are with the chargers?"

"What's in it for me?" Sandy joked.

"Kirsten's reputation." Caleb fired back. "Look, can you do it or not?" He was growing impatient.

"Does Kirsten know about any of this?"

"I don't want to worry her. She is on a need to know basis."

Sandy didn't like the sound of this, but since it was business related, he knew Kirsten would be somehow caught in the middle. Once Caleb told him the entire story, he couldn't believe how much trouble Kirsten could truly be in. Her name was signed on all of the checks written to Uncle Shaun. He unfortunately had to get involved, on one condition. Caleb had to tell Kirsten everything. Once Caleb agreed, Sandy placed a call into the D.A. office.

Later that afternoon, Kirsten needed some things signed by her father. When she walked into his office, Caleb got up to greet her. She thought that was odd, but when she saw him close the door behind her, she knew something was up. Caleb told her everything, including the phone call to Sandy that morning to help them out of this jam.

"How could you do this?" She seethed.

"This kind of thing always goes on in this type of business. You deal with residential, so it doesn't really cross your path." Caleb explained. "I really wouldn't worry about it though. Sandy is going to handle it for us. I didn't even want to tell you, but Sandy made me promise otherwise he was out."

Kirsten anger was growing more and more with every word that her father spoke. "Dad, how could you ask him to do something like this? Do you have any idea how hard things are between us? I don't need him to get involved in any of this, especially when he isn't even sure which direction our lives are headed."

"Kirsten, please. Stop being so dramatic. You both love each other. He wouldn't have agreed to help us if he didn't love you. God knows, he doesn't have any affection for me."

"That's not the point Dad. I've been doing everything in my power to avoid any drama entering our lives. He doesn't need the baggage. He doesn't need the stress. I wanted to make our home and our marriage a welcoming environment that he wants to be a part of. This is not going to be what he wants. Saving your ass once again."

"Kirsten..."

"Don't Dad. Just don't. I can't believe you would ask this of him. He doesn't deserve this."

Kirsten left the office that night and decided to head over to Sandy's apartment. She knew that they hadn't spoken since the weekend, but all timing games were off. She needed to see him. She wanted to see and explain that he didn't have to do this.

When she pulled up in front of his complex, she was frozen to her seat. She didn't want to just ring the bell, without giving him some warning that she was there. She decided to call him from her cell phone.

After two rings he picked up. "I figured I was going to hear from you soon."

"Hi. I'm outside your building. Do you mind if I come in so we can talk?"

"You didn't have to call first." He stated bluntly. "You could have just come up."

"I didn't know if you were busy or if now was a good time."

He laughed at her politeness. "Just come up."

Once there, he greeted her with a kiss on the cheek. He could tell something was bothering her and assumed it was Caleb.

"I'm sorry I'm just barging in here." She said putting her purse and keys down.

"Stop with the apologies. Are you okay?" He knew she wasn't.

"I'm so sorry. My father should have never asked for your help or gotten you involved."

"It's not your fault. I would never blame you when it comes to Caleb. You should know that by now."

"I don't want you getting involved in this. We have a whole legal department that can handle it."

"I know, but as I figure, there has to be a reason he wants me to handle it."

"I knew nothing about any of this."

"I know. That is why I wanted him to tell you."

"Thanks."

He could see she was still clearly upset. He did what was most natural and pulled her into his arms. "It's going to be okay. You trust that I will do everything in my power to make sure none of this affects you, Seth or Ryan."

"God, Sandy." She said as she pushed away from him slightly. "The last thing I wanted was to cause you more stress. I want you to come back home so badly, and now my father goes and does this. I wouldn't be surprised if you ran away from me for good this time."

She was crying silently, but Sandy saw the water pooling at her eyes. He led her to the couch and sat down next to her. He just held her in his arms and let her cry. He didn't know how long this would go on, but he didn't care.

She wanted to be strong, but Sandy was the comfort she needed. She loved him more than one human being can love another. She just hoped her father wouldn't drive him away.

Sandy opened his eyes and looked over at the digital display on the end table. It read four thirty. They must have feel asleep. Kirsten was still leaning on his chest, snoring ever so slightly. He didn't want to disturb her, but his back was killing him. He scooped her up into his arms and carried her to his bedroom. She instinctively wrapped her arms around his neck, wondering how many times he had done this with her.

Ryan was in the kitchen when Seth entered the kitchen. "Have you seen my mom?" He asked.

"No, not yet. Do you think she overslept?" Ryan asked, wondering if she was going to be late to work.

"I don't know, but I'm going to check."

About thirty seconds later, Seth returned to the kitchen and said she wasn't in her bedroom. "The bed was already made and since Rosa didn't come until later, Seth came to a realization. "I don't think she came home last night. Is that possible?"

Ryan didn't want to inform Seth of the possibilities running through his head. "It's possible, but very unlike Kirsten. Try her cell."

When her cell kick to voicemail, Ryan could tell Seth was very worried. "I'm sure she is fine. Let's take off for school. She will be pissed if we skip because we were worried about her." Ryan didn't tell Seth that he was starting to freak out.

Once they were a school and went their separate way to homeroom, Ryan decided to take matters into his own hands. He went back into the parking lot, hopped into the car and headed toward Sandy's apartment. He knew he couldn't play investigator by himself.

Kirsten woke up to the smell of fresh coffee. She then realized she was still dressed in her business suit from the day before. She exited the bedroom and caught a glimpse of Sandy in his surfing gear, with his hair still wet. "I can't believe you already went surfing."

"Waves are best in the morning." He said as he poured her a cup of coffee.

"Thanks." She gratefully accepted.

"Are you feeling any better?"

"Not really. I'm still feeling remorse for you."

"Stop worrying about me." He said softly.

She smiled at his sincerity, but that smile was suddenly wiped away when they heard a knock on the door.

"Sandy? It's Ryan. You there?"

"Why isn't he in school?" Kirsten hissed.

"I don't know." He whispered back. He quickly picked up her keys and bag and escorted her to the bedroom. "Let me see what's going on."

"Just a sec." Sandy called to the back of the door.

Once he opened it, he noticed Ryan had his book bag in hand and was dressed for school. "Why aren't you at Harbor?"

"I'm sorry. I was there, but left because I needed to talk to you."

"There is such a thing as cell phones. I believe you have one. Kirsten and I pay the bill." Sandy said in a no nonsense tone.

"Can I come in?"

'Yeah. What's the matter?"

Kirsten pressed her ear up against the door, eavesdropping. Ryan rarely came to her with any sort of problem and she couldn't help but feel a little bit jealous.

"When Seth and I woke up this morning, Kirsten wasn't in the house."

"Maybe she went to work early." Sandy simply replied.

"That is what I thought, but her bed was made. You know Kirsten never makes the bed."

"I know that. How do you know that?" Sandy asked bewildered.

"I do live there." Ryan said impatiently. "Seth was really worried, but I think I convinced him that she was fine. Do you think she is okay?"

Sandy felt terrible that Ryan was so worried, but how could he explain the fact that Kirsten was on the other side of his bedroom door. "I'm sure she is fine. I will make some calls, but I want you to go back to school, okay? I will call you when I hear something."

Ryan was trying to make sense of what Sandy just said. He expected Sandy to be extremely worried, but instead he was placating the situation. It was like he knew something that he wasn't disclosing. 'Are you sure? I can help..."

"Ryan, go." Sandy interrupted. "I promise I will call the second I find out anything."

"Okay." He sounded defeated.

Once Ryan left, Kirsten emerged with a gloom look. "I feel so bad that I worried them. To be honest, I would have never thought they would have noticed. They barely acknowledge the fact that they have a mother."

"I should have guessed they would have been worried."

"Thanks for covering for me." She put on her shoes and she spoke. " I have to go, but can you call Ryan and tell him I am at work?"

"Sure." Sandy answered. He wanted her to stay, but she was on a mission. He wanted to talk to her about what was going on through his head, but didn't want to conversation to be rushed. He figured it could wait.

Two days later, Sandy received another phone call from Caleb. "I was wondering if you could come down to my office so we can discuss some things." Caleb said forcefully. The man never took no for an answer.

"We can do it over the phone."

"No, no phones. Does two work for you?"

"You've really flipped your lid, huh?" Sandy loved insulting Caleb.

Later in the workday, Kirsten went to hand some documents to her secretary down the hall from her office. She looked toward her father's office and saw Sandy sitting across from her father's desk. "Claire, is Sandy in my dad's office?" She knew her secretary knew everything that went on behind closed doors. Well, almost everything.

"Yes, Mr. Nichol and Mr. Cohen are in a meeting. He instructed me to hold all his calls and appointments. He didn't want to be disturbed."

"He didn't, did he?" Kirsten said, taking off in the direction of her father's office. Once she arrived there, she barged in. "What's going on in here? Dad, I thought I asked you to leave Sandy out of this."

"Good afternoon, Kiki." Caleb said, not even bothered by the interruption.

"Sandy? I asked you not to get involved in this. Did you think I was kidding?" Kirsten was upset, but Sandy and Caleb didn't care.

"Kirsten, I'm already involved."

"Kiki, he has to be involved now. He is going to be able to get us out of this mess."

"How long do you expect him to clean up your messes, dad?"

"Kirsten, it's okay." Sandy said, trying to calm her down.

"No, it's not." She said, directing that at her father. She then turned to Sandy. "When you're done cleaning up after my father, please stop by my office." Kirsten exited and it was Caleb's turn to joke.

"Sounds like you're in trouble."

Kirsten's door was open when Sandy came in.

"Shut the door behind you." She instructed.

Once Sandy did as he was told, he took a seat across from her desk. "I'm sorry if you are upset, but I'm your only shot to make this go away. Do you understand how serious this is?"

"Do you understand why I am so concerned?" She asked as she pushed her chair back, rose from her seat and made her way around to where he was seated. She leaned on her desk, but still remained facing him.

"Not really. I'm just trying to help."

"I don't deserve your help."

"Kirsten, come on. Don't do this."

"Just promise me you won't throw this back in my face."

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"I don't want anything to affect the process we have made with each other. You are more important to me than this stupid job. I know I might not have made that clear in the past, but I want you to be sure of that now."

"Okay." He simply replied.

"Okay? Because I don't want you to end up hating yourself for trying to help us."

"I won't. I promise."

"Good." She said before leaning down and kissing him square on the mouth. He was surprised at first, but quickly recovered as he wrapped one arm around her back pulling her down.

Once she felt his touch, she immediately responded to him and straddled him in the chair. She used both her hands to cup his face as her groin rubbed against his. "I feel like we short changed ourselves the other night when I stayed over."

He laughed, knowing exactly how she felt. "Maybe we could make up for it now." He said as his hands found their way underneath her top. When he left the lace, he couldn't resist. He roughly pulled her top over her head, her hair being pulled back over her shoulders. "You always look so damn sexy." He said before his lips attacked her neck and his hands reached for the clasp of her bra.

Her hands made their way to his groin and rubbed him through his pants. He hardened quickly and suddenly felt the need to have him inside. "I want you so bad." She whispered as her bra snapped off and his mouth sucked her nipple.

He held her as he stood up and placed her on the desk. She made quick work of discarding his pants and sliding his boxers down her ankles. He pushed up her skirt, feeling the same need as she did. As his tip pushed against the material of her underwear, she grabbed the material and pulled it to one side granting him access.

Right as he was about to plunge into her, the intercom sounded piercing both their ears. "Mrs. Cohen, your son is here to see you."

Kirsten pushed back from Sandy and he rested his head on her shoulder. "God, they have such a way with timing, don't they?"

Sandy immediately pulled his boxers up, feeling almost pained that there was no release. Kirsten pushed her skirt down and grabbed her bra from the desktop. She hit the speaker button. "Claire, pick up." She often did this with Claire, indicating she didn't want the other party to hear her. "Seth?" When she replied yes, she continued. "Yes or no? Does he know Sandy is in here?"

"That information was not provided."

_Thank god for Claire_, Kirsten thought. She knew exactly how to handle things. "Thank you. I will come greet him."

She turned back to Sandy and looked at him with desperate eyes. "Are you okay?" She knew it wasn't easy for a man to just stop what they started midstream.

He smiled, trying to find humor in this situation. "What do you think?"

"You realize you are going to have to hide."

"This is getting old."

"Tell me about it."

"I have to meet him, but go into that conference room." She pointed to the door that led to her private conference room adjacent to her office. "I'm sorry, but maybe we shouldn't wait this long to do this." She said waving her hand back and forth between the two of them.

"Probably."

Once she saw Seth, she apologized for taking so long. "I was on a call. What do I owe to this nice surprise?" She asked.

Seth looked around and noticed a lot of employees passing by the reception area. "Can we talk in your office?" He said rather cryptically.

"Yeah. Sure." She said and led the way back. Once there, she closed the door. "Is everything okay?"

As Kirsten did a few days earlier, Sandy pressed his ear against the door, trying to eavesdrop. "Yeah." He thought for a moment and decided to do what he set out to do. "Not really."

"Well I'm glad you want to talk about it. You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

"I'm not so sure you are going to want to talk to me about this."

"Try me." She said, hoping her son would open up.

"Well, Ryan and I both know you didn't come home the other night. As much as I don't want to let you know where my mind wandered to where you were, it's not fair to worry us like that."

"I know. I'm sorry. I should have called. At least you now know how your father and I feel every time you break curfew." She tried to joke, but it didn't float well.

"That's not it, though. Do you think you should be staying out all night? Dad, said you were at your office, but I'm sorry mom, I don't believe that for a second."

"Seth..." She tried to ease his mind.

"Let me finish." He stopped her. "If you and Dad still don't know what is going to happen, it probably isn't the best of ideas to be sleeping around right now."

"Seth Ezekial!" She scolded. How could he think that of her? Then she remembered how such thoughts invaded his mind. _Jimmy Cooper_. "I promise you, that's not what's going on."

"Well Mom, you don't have the best track record." He snapped.

She wanted to argue but he was absolutely right. She was the one that screwed up their family. "You're right. Staying out all night and not calling was not fair to you guys. I'm truly sorry about that. But Seth, you have to realize that one day I am going to move on hopefully with your father, but if not, with someone else."

"I figured as much, but I've pretty much faced the reality that you and Dad are not going to reconcile."

"Seth..." She hated that he sounded so sad about that.

"It's okay. I think things are actually better this way. For that brief period where you guys were trying to work things out...that was the worst. You guys are much better apart than together."

As Sandy listened through the door, he realized that they made the right decision in keeping their relationship a secret. Seth was not ready to try again as a whole family.

"As we told you a million times before, we are still a family and we are going to get through all of this"

"Okay, but Mom? Please don't stay out all night. It gave me the creeps when you and Dad were affectionate. My brain can't process thinking of where you actually were."

"I promise. It won't happen again." She reached out to hug him and was surprised when he didn't pull back. "Thanks for coming by and feeling that you can talk to me."

"You got it." He was almost out the door when he remembered he forgot to ask her something else. "By the way, Ryan and I got Dad a rather large Chrismukah present and we have no where to put it. Can we hide it in one of the million conference rooms here?"

"Yeah. No problem."

He dared to ask his next question. He knew it was none of his business, but he was wondering how different this holiday was going to be. "Did you get him anything?"

Kirsten looked up surprised. She hadn't even thought about Chrismukah gifts for anyone other than the boys. She finished shopping for them weeks ago, but figured by now she would have had a better grasp on whether or not to get him something. But as she stared into Seth's hopeful eyes, she couldn't help but lie. "Of course, I got something for him. It's Chrismukah, right?"

A smile spread wide on his face as he responded. "Right!"

Once Sandy heard a minute of silence he knew Seth had left. He slowly opened the door, which led him back into Kirsten's office. He saw her standing there, looking at the carpet, searching for answers that weren't there. "Are you okay?" He asked gently.

"Yeah. Great. My son thinks I'm the worlds biggest slut."

"Kirsten, you heard him. We cannot tell him anything yet. He said it himself that he is finally at peace with the way things are."

"I know, but I hate what he thinks of me."

'It will pass, just like everything always does. Time heals all."

She didn't want to think about it anymore and decided to change the subject. "So, I think we should get a tree this week. Seth seems really excited about Chrismukah."

"I'm excited too." Sandy joked. "What could they have gotten me that is too big to hide in the house?"

"That's what you're thinking about?"

"Of course." He turned serious. "We can get the tree this weekend and keep up our tradition."

Kirsten knew exactly what he was talking about and agreed to it immediately. "Around noon on Saturday?"

Sandy arrived at the house at noon, dressed in jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt. When Kirsten saw him, she loved how, even when he was dressed down, he still looked good. She was seated outside, sipping from her mug of coffee as he took a seat at the cast iron table. "It's noon. Are you ready to go?"

"I am, but the boys are still getting dressed. I had to wake them both up. I wonder what it would feel like to sleep that late." She joked.

"How did you manage to get them to come? Especially Seth?"

"Bribery."

Once they headed to the lot, Seth and Ryan couldn't help but notice the easiness of their parent's behavior. The were joking about the song selection, making light fun of each other and even caressing the other subconsciously. After this outing Ryan was starting to think there was more going on than what they were telling them.

Seth always complained about the whole selection process. Ryan and Sandy really didn't care, but Sandy knew the method behind Kirsten's madness.

"I like this one. We should go with it." Seth said, tiring out after a half hour.

"Seth, the branches are too low. We need to find something with a longer stump. You know the rules." She said knowingly.

Ryan looked at Sandy, but he just played dumb. Ryan didn't understand what the big deal was and asked Sandy.

"She wants to make sure that all the presents fit underneath." Sandy lied.

Once they arrived back to the house and situated the tree, the boys retreated to the pool house. "Dude, that was weird." Seth started.

Ryan wasn't sure what Seth was referring to and didn't want to contribute his thoughts and opinions just yet. "What?"

"The Rents." Seth said, wondering how Ryan could not be on the same page. "Is it me or are they acting more chummy as time goes on?"

"No, I totally see it. I just was afraid to bring it to your attention."

"So you noticed the back rubs, the jokes, the flirtatious teasing?"

"I saw it all, but maybe they are finally at peace with how things are between them."

Seth thought about this for a minute, but wasn't convinced. "I don't know man. I haven't seen them like this in a long time. It's like nothing ever happened. They are both ridiculously happy."

"Maybe it is because of the holidays." Ryan suggested.

"Oh and I didn't even tell you this. My mom got something for my dad for Chrismukah."

"Really?" Ryan thought about this for a moment. "Well, what do you want to do about it? It's not like we can come out and ask them. They told us they would let us know what is happening on a need to know basis. They would tell us something if they wanted us to know."

"Or, we can intervene without them knowing."

"Oh, I don't like the sound of this."

"Hop on board with me, buddy."

Sandy stayed a little later than expected, but he was comfortably sitting on the couch, watching as Kirsten started fumbling with the decorations. "So Ryan asked me today what the purpose was of the high branches?"

Kirsten laughed, while turning to face him. "What did you tell him?"

"I told him what we told Seth. We need room for all the presents."

"Did he believe you?"

"I don't know. He had that same look on his face that I must have worn when we searched and searched for our first tree."

_It was her first Christmas at Berkeley and she desperately wanted to feel the holiday spirit in the midst of finals. She decided to get a Christmas tree for her dorm room, but definitely need some help. She and Sandy had been dating long enough to feel comfortable to ask for his help. They rarely spoke about religion, but she knew that he was Jewish and he knew that she was Christian. They never really got beyond that._

_When she asked him for the favor, he agreed not having a problem with it at all. He was Jewish, but his fun loving ways would make it easy to embrace the holiday for her. _

_When they went to pick out the tree, Sandy never thought it would be so difficult. He thought you went, you picked, and you took it home. Apparently he was wrong. All Kirsten kept telling him was that she wanted the branches not to be low to the ground. He figured it was just part of the entire commercialized holiday tradition. He had no idea she was on an entirely different page._

_"Kirsten, come on. Just pick one." He was losing his patience._

_"Sandy, picking a tree is a form of art." _

_"Okay." He would wait forever. He would wait for her forever._

_Once they got the tree back to her dorm room, he was impressed with her knowledge of how to put it in the stand, run the lights, put the angel on the top and of course decorate it. They sat on the couch later that night admiring their work._

_"It's beautiful." She whispered, as she cuddled into his arms._

_He tilted her face to his and kissed her lightly. "You're beautiful."_

_She smiled and kissed him again before Kirsten's roommate rudely interrupted them. "Sorry guys."_

_"It's okay Emily." _

_"Come down the hall. The guys are throwing a holiday party and they got a keg."_

_She looked at Sandy and he shrugged his shoulders. "Okay. We'll be down in a half hour."_

_When they arrived, Sandy noticed that there was a Christmas tree in the room. He went over and looked at the lights, but his eyes were drawn to the bottom of the tree. There were branches practically dragging on the floor. He wondered why Kirsten made such a big deal out of that. _

_About half way through the party, Kirsten circled Sandy's waist from behind, giving him a kiss on the cheek. She whispered into his ear. "Ours looks better."_

_"Hmmm." He barely responded._

_She circled around his body to stare into his eyes. "What's wrong?"_

_"I'm confused." When she laughed, he continued. "I just don't get how come you made such a big deal about the branches. This tree has branches practically dragging on the floor."_

_"There is a reason for it."_

_"Well that good because I was beginning to think you dragged me around that tree lot for over an hour for no reason at all."_

_She took his hand and started pulling him towards the door. "Oh, there's a reason." _

_She whispered something into Emily's ear on their way back down the hall. He saw Emily laugh, but he didn't question it. When they got back to her room, he followed her inside. The only lights were those of the tree. He stood still watching her take her coat and shoes off. "What are you up to?" He loved how mischievous she could be._

_When she didn't answer, his eyes just followed her. He watched as she sat on the floor in front of the tree facing away from it. He looked at her questioningly. She smirked and arched her eyebrow as she laid back and scooted her entire body underneath the tree._

_He could help but stare at her. Her long legs, her slender body her beautiful smile. She propped herself up on her elbows enabling eye contact. "Come and get your present under the tree." She said, laughing a bit._

_Ever since that Christmas, Sandy never lost his patience when picking out their tree._

Sandy ended up staying for dinner and the boys eventually left to hang out at the Bait Shop. As soon as the front door closed, Sandy grabbed Kirsten's hand and pulled her into the living room in front of the tree. He kissed her hard, wanting to finish what they started the other day in her office.

When he pulled away, he spoke softly. "You know the other day, I had to go home and finish what you started all by myself. You know how long it has been since I had to do that?"

She laughed at his honesty and felt herself blush. "I'm not going to let that happen again." He said before attacking her lips.

She broke the kiss this time. "Who am I to break tradition?"

They made love underneath the tree like they did every year at some point before the actual holiday. They both knew the boys would be mortified if they knew about this. It only made the whole thing that more hot. As the years passed, it became more and more difficult because there were two of them now and they were older. It was almost like a challenge to them.

They were wrapped in each other's arms in the middle of the living room underneath the tree. They used the tree skirt to cover themselves from the cold marble floor.

"We better get up before the boys come home." She stated.

She started to get up before Sandy grabbed her back down to him. "Just five more minutes." He begged.

She could never say no to him. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, she decided to speak about the thoughts that plagued her mind. She gently rubbed her hand up and down his forearm. "Do you think the boys suspect anything?"

"No. Not after what Seth said in your office the other day. Ryan is much more perceptive and he hasn't made mention of anything."

"I think we should try and be more careful."

"So lying in the living room, completely naked, under the tree, with our clothes all over the floor is out?"

They both laughed. "Talk about scars for life huh?"

"I get what you are saying but I think you are being paranoid." He got the courage to finally say the next thing. "I was thinking of sneaking out of town for New Years."

"Oh?" She said, wondering what his plans were.

"And I was wondering if you wanted to sneak out with me?"

"Really?" She was thrilled he was even entertaining such an idea.

"Yeah. I'll plan everything. No boys, no interruptions. Just us."

"That sounds perfect."

That following Monday Sandy was in his office, planning their New Years getaway. He had the perfect place in mind and knew Kirsten would love it. As he finalized the reservations, the front door to his office opened.

"Hey Seth! What brings you by?" He said cheerfully as he minimized his screen.

"Not much. Well actually I came by to drop off some information."

"Okay. Go ahead."

"I know next week we are doing the whole holiday family thing and I think that's great. I really do. I appreciate how much you and Mom are going all out to make things as normal as possible."

"We enjoy doing it, Seth. None of it is forced for your or Ryan's sake. I hope you know that."

"I know. It's just that, well, Mom bought you a present for Chrismukah and I wasn't sure if you did the same. I wanted to give you a heads up so you had time to get her something. I don't know if you already discussed it with her, but I didn't want you coming up empty handed."

"I appreciate that Seth, but you should know me better than that."

"Okay. Cool. Thanks Dad." He turned to head out before Sandy stopped him.

"Seth! Wait a second! There is something I wanted to tell you too, so it's good you stopped by." He paused thinking of what lie he was about to tell. Nothing was coming into his clouded brain. He would just wing it. "I'm not going to be here for New Years. I'm going to take a little vacation." Sandy was waiting for the million questions. Where? Why? With who? But none of that came.

"That'll be good for you, Dad."

Ryan should have known any plan of Seth's would be ridiculous. He couldn't believe that he had agreed to take part in all of this. He wasn't the best liar, which didn't help matters, but he promised Seth he would do this for him.

He made his way into The Newport Group and took the elevator up the Kirsten's floor. He knew her secretary and asked if Kirsten was available. As he waited for her, Caleb walked by.

"Hello Ryan. Does Kirsten know you're here?"

"I'm just got here. I think Claire is finding out if she is available."

He leaned over Claire's desk and picked up the phone. He waited for a response before speaking. "Kiki, Ryan's waiting here in the lobby." He hung up and turned to him. "Go right back."

That was the first semi nice thing Caleb had ever done for him. "Thank you, sir."

He made his way back to Kirsten's office almost wishing he was still waiting in the lobby. When he turned the corner, he couldn't believe how large Kirsten's office was. He knew she an important member of the company, but her office was probably bigger than his entire house in Chino. The space was intimidating.

"Hey Ryan." Kirsten said cheerfully. "What brings you by?"

Before Ryan could speak, he noticed all the pictures that decorated Kirsten's office. "I really don't know." He said with a shy smile. He saw pictures of himself there too.

"Okay." She said skeptically.

"No, I do know. I just wanted to let you know that Sandy got you something for Chrismukah and I didn't want him to feel bad if you didn't get him anything."

"Did Seth put you up to this?" She asked. She knew that she just told Seth that she got Sandy something. It was just little bit odd that now Ryan was asking her the same question.

"Maybe." He said with a smile.

"I guess he is really nervous that I am going to forget about Sandy. I already told him I got him something."

"Oh, okay."

Kirsten didn't want to make Ryan feel bad so she decided to joke around with him. "Well, I'm glad to hear he got me something too, huh?"

Once Ryan left, Kirsten thought about what the boys were up to and decided to call Sandy. "So, the weirdest thing just happened." She started off the conversation.

_**--**_

_**--**_

_**Please review since I worked really hard to get this chapter up quickly!**_


	24. The Holidays

_**I really hope you enjoy this chapter. I feel like I rushed through it a bit, but I was feeling the pressure to post something fast. I'm sorry if it is not up to par. Love you guys for your reviews!!!**_

_**SexyEm - The Nana is such a wise woman! Opinionated as hell, but wise. I got the feeling in Season 2 when Sandy went to Miami, that deep down she had a soft spot for Kirsten. I just wished we saw her in Season 3 as her son turned into Caleb. Glad you are still addicted.**_

_**Bluetoffee - The holidays are here!**_

_**Panzie - I don't necessarily believe that Seth rather them apart. I just had to go with it so there was reason for all the sneaking around. Glad to hear you're in love!**_

_**Kandyislove - That was the quickest update ever. I doubt that is going to happen again.**_

_**Kandyfanz123 - Thanks for the quote! They are definitely on some sort of track! Just so you know, your review gave me an idea for this chapter. Thanks.**_

_**Kandy4ever - If I could only have the time to update that quick. I promise I am trying my best.**_

_**Stripscrabble - Glad you liked what Sophie said. It probably was a bit out of character, but I like to think there is a sweet side to Sophie. Sandy had to come from somewhere right?**_

_**Cohenwannabe - Thanks for the PM as well as the review.**_

_**Carrie - The Nana always takes me for a loop!**_

_**KrabbyPatty - First thanks for the PM. Also, I'm glad you found The Nana realistic even though that's probably not the base of her character. In the show, I really liked the Uncle Shaun plot. I loved how you were able to get a read on how much Sandy and Caleb disliked each other and also how Sandy would do anything for Kirsten, even if it meant breaking the law for someone he loathes. PM me with how you think the Jimmy/Sandy showdown should unfold. I'm curious of your thoughts. As for the "Mom and Dad" thing...Ryan never called Sandy or Kirsten Mom and Dad although that is debated over and over in My Two Dads. Up until mid season 4 he always refers to them as "Sandy and Kirsten" or "your parents". I just went by that. It had nothing to do with Ryan being a part of the family. There will definitely be Ryan/Kirsten interaction again.**_

_**Robbie - Glad you like Kirsten falling asleep in Sandy's apt. Although it was very irresponsible.**_

_**Kellypeter - I didn't mean to worry anyone about Sandy not calling. Just trying to get across that he still is not 100 comfortable with the entire situation.**_

_**Kandy84 - The title of the last chapter was inspired by another reviewer.**_

_**Cheerleader 2006 - I doubt The Nana would ever admit she was wrong on the actual show. A girl can dream though right.**_

_**PrettyInPink9787 - Can't have him move home otherwise the story would be over.**_

_**DisneyGirl829 - You're supposed to party hard on your 21st. Thanks for reviewing in your condition. I speak for everyone when I say, We've all been there.**_

_**Moviesareourbusiness - This story is slowly winding down. There will probably be two more chapters after this one.**_

_**Jen - Army Wives is awesome, but can't hold a candle to the OC.**_

_**Ella - Yes, Jimmy will be back sooner than you think. Did you hate Jimmy on the show or just in this story? There is not too much more to come. It has to end sometime. I'm glad you told me that you like how I write to each reviewer. I appreciate that. Another author I love did that and I always used to read it all, taking so much more from the story. **_

_**Tiffany - The getaway is not going to disappear like it did in The Perfect Couple. That drove me mad too.**_

_**Nova - I used The Return of the Nana as a basis for her speech in this story. You found out then that she actually had a heart.**_

_**Princesssparkle88 - It's probably going to be a while when you get to read two chapters at one time. I'm not that good.**_

_**Slinn01 - I loved the fact that Kirsten admitted she didn't deserve Sandy. I loved wiriting that bit, but no one commented on it, but you. Thanks.**_

_**Pheebsbr – I hope the New Years getaway lives up to your expectations.**_

_**Twinkletoesnelly – Thanks for reviewing when you got back from your trip.**_

_**Here we go...**_

It was the week of Chrismukah, which meant Seth was more hyper, and Ryan more quiet than usual. Seth's behavior was the cause of the upcoming presents that he would be giving and receiving. As spoiled as Seth was, he equally enjoyed watching others receive their gifts as well. Ryan's behavior was always shaken during this time of year. Kirsten tried to talk to him about it once, but all he divulged was that the holidays were never a time to celebrate in his family. Kirsten told him to focus on new times and new memories.

Last Christmas, Sandy and Kirsten were extremely worried about how Ryan was going to fit into their holiday picture. They vowed then that he would be treated exactly the same as Seth. The same amount of presents accompanied by the same amount of hugs. Ryan was skeptical at first, wondering what he did to deserve any of the Cohen's generosity, but as the holiday season winded down, he embraced it.

This year, all those worries were almost nonexistent. This past year, Ryan was the one who was extremely well behaved and Seth was the one they were worried about. Nothing compared to the worry Seth was feeling about his parents. He knew they were doing everything in their power to make this holiday exactly they way he remembered it. He knew they would succeed, telling him over and over again that their relationship was not going to affect the family as a whole. He was just worried about the whole gift exchange between his parents. He was starting to have second thoughts about he and Ryan getting involved.

Ryan told Seth how his conversation with Kirsten went. He warned Seth that he wasn't a good liar, and now Seth was worried that his parent's knew he was meddling. When Kirsten and Sandy discussed the boys' behavior, they decided to play along with their game. They didn't think they truly knew what was going on. Seth would be mortified if he knew that they were acting like a couple of teenagers, but they figured they were trying to play matchmaker.

As much as it annoyed them, they tried to embrace it. They knew it was just a small way that deep down Seth was hoping for a reunion. They knew he would never admit it, but were thrilled that if they did reunite, he would hate them forever. This, in itself, helped Sandy come to terms with his feelings and in which direction he wanted things to proceed.

Ryan was a different story. Sandy and Kirsten knew that Ryan was hoping from the very beginning that they would work this out. They also knew Ryan's whole life was filled with false hopes. They didn't want to contribute to that. They had to be certain of where they stood before Ryan found out anything.

Kirsten noticed the slight smile on Ryan's face when she told both the boys that she would be going away for New Year's. It was small, but she noticed. She wondered what he was thinking, but let it go because she definitely didn't want to have that conversation. She knew deep down inside that Sandy was calling all the shots. She was just grateful that the boys didn't ask any questions. Both she and Sandy were expecting the third degree from their brown-eyed son, but were glad they didn't have to tell any lies. Not yet anyway.

Sandy and Kirsten never worked on Christmas Eve. They both spent the day preparing dinner, wrapping gifts and began the celebratory process. In honor of Sandy and his heritage, they did celebrate for the entire week. They lit the menorah and exchanged present amongst themselves. They had a set of rules that they had to adhere to. Every night they were designated to get one other person a gift that did not cost any money. They all had to be creative and it made for very interesting conversations.

Now that they were through the painful part as Seth described it, the time came to celebrate the better gifts. Sandy was busy making lobster, while Kirsten wrapped the presents. All the gifts were color-coded. Kirsten's gifts were always wrapped in white, Seth's in red and Sandy's in blue. When Ryan joined their family, his were green.

As Kirsten put all the red and green packages under the tree, she felt Sandy's presence behind her. "What are you looking at?" She asked.

"How do you do that?" He wondered if she had eyes in the back of her head.

"I told you before. I can feel you when you enter a room. What are you doing?" She asked again.

"Enjoying the view." He said, taking in the image of Kirsten bent over in front of the massive tree.

She smiled, loving that she still turned him on. She stood up next to him, admiring the tree. "It's so weird not seeing the white and blue packages under there, right?"

"We made a promise." Sandy simply said.

"I know." She said skeptically.

"Oh, don't go having second thoughts on me. This is going to be fun."

"You find deceiving our son fun?" She asked.

"He shouldn't have tried to play games with us. Besides, the last time we played games with Seth, we had a pretty good night." He said referring to the night they stole his pot and smoked in their bedroom.

She laughed out loud this time, thinking back to her behavior that night. "I still can't believe we did that."

"I can. You used to do crazy things like that all the time."

"I know. It is just so out of character for me now."

"Admit you loved it." He begged.

She felt the blood rush to her cheeks, knowing they were turning a hue of pink. She looked around to make sure the boys were not to hear this side of her speak. While the coast was still clear, she spun to face him as she wrapped her arms around his neck, crossing her wrists. "I loved being with you that night." She leaned in and kissed him gently, pushing her groin up against his. "I'm looking forward to repeating it tonight." She smiled.

"Too bad I'm banished to the pool house." He joked.

"That doesn't mean we can't repeat it in there." She playfully retorted.

"Is that a promise?" He asked, starting to harden just a bit at the thoughts of Kirsten in the pool house.

Just as he was about to kiss her again, he felt her entire body tense as they heard footsteps come down the steps. As Seth came down the steps, he noticed his parents in living room, staring at the tree. His eyes were then struck by all the gifts under the tree. "Wow. Every year you guys outdo yourselves. There's a lot of red under there." Seth joked. His look of joy was immediately replaced with confusion. "Is that all of them?" He asked.

"So much for being appreciative, son." Sandy remarked. He knew he wasn't referring to the gifts wrapped in red.

"No, I mean..." Seth began to stutter. His plan didn't work. All the boxes underneath the tree were red and green. There were no white or blue ones. "I forgot to put mine under there. I'll go get them now." As he left the room and took the steps by two, Kirsten turned to face a grinning Sandy.

"You are so mean."

"Did you think it was okay for him to outright lie to each of us to make sure we got each other gifts. He has to learn not to meddle. This is not a game and he is going to have to learn that the hard way."

She was about to head into the kitchen, but she turned back to him. "For the record, I did get you some presents anyway."

He winked. "So did I! I didn't plan you opening them up in front of Seth anyway."

As they all sat down to dinner, Seth was cracking jokes about his dad staying in the pool house. "I bet it is going to feel like the days when Grandpa used to banish you to his pool house, huh?"

Kirsten's head shot up remembering once again all the times Sandy slept in her father's pool house. Nothing kept her out then and nothing was going to keep her out of there tonight.

Seth was oblivious to the looks being shared across the table, but Ryan noticed. How could he not? He hated to think of Sandy and Kirsten in a sexual way, but he knew how they were. He walked in on them one too many times to be oblivious.

When dinner was finished, they decided to all continue their tradition and open one present each before morning. Ryan went to the pool house to retrieve his hidden presents as Sandy, Seth and Kirsten went into the living room. It was so weird seeing Sandy's stuff spread all across the room. Then he saw it! In the corner of the room, he saw a shopping gift full of gifts wrapped in white paper. At first he didn't think much into it, but then he remembered Kirsten's wrapping paper color was white. Could it be?

When he returned, he told himself to take more notice of their behavior. Normally they would be cuddled together on the couch, but they were still keeping their distance on opposite sides of the room. He wondered if Seth noticed anything. He doubted it.

"How about I go first?" Sandy asked. "Merry Christmas Seth." Sandy handed Seth an envelope, which was, of course, red. As Seth tore the envelope open, he was stoked to discover that his father renewed his subscription to marvel.

"Thanks." He said barely looking up as he filtered through all the extras that came with the subscription.

Kirsten decided it was her turn and pulled out a green envelope for Ryan. "Merry Christmas Ryan." She smiled as she handed him the envelope and pulled him in for a hug. Ryan always thought it was amusing that Kirsten gave him a hug before every present he opened and after every gift she opened.

Ryan cracked a smile when he read the voucher from their country club. "I know I need these." Ryan joked. Kirsten decided to get Ryan golfing lessons since he was so frustrated when he tried to play the game.

"You don't have to go to all of them. Just try it and if you like, you can continue." She didn't want to force him to do anything he didn't want to.

"And if you don't use them, Kirsten will take them over." Sandy joked, knowing it would be a very difficult task to get her back on the golf course.

"Yeah right!" She joked back.

Ryan stood up next and grabbed a blue shirt box and handed it to Sandy. "Merry Christmas Sandy." Sandy looked at Ryan and was thrilled to see that Ryan was really embracing their traditions. Sandy tore through the paper and opened the box to find a grey Yankees t-shirt. As Sandy held it up Ryan immediately spoke. "If you don't like it,..."

"I love it." He interrupted.

"I know you always wear t-shirts when you finish surfing."

"Thanks Ryan. Where did you get this?"

"On the MLB site." He simply replied. Kirsten gave Ryan a reassuring smile, letting him know that he did well.

Seth got up and retrieved his white wrapped gift for his mother. Kirsten stood up to give her other son a hug which she didn't get do to often and was planning on taking advantage of it. Everyone's eyes were on her as they watched her carefully unwrap the corners of the box.

"Kirsten, you're supposed to just rip through the paper." Sandy said impatiently.

"Seth worked hard on wrapping it." She defended.

"Mom, rip through it. That's the fun part." Seth agreed with Sandy.

Ryan just stood back and laughed as Kirsten starting ripping through it. As she opened the box, she found a leather portfolio folder with 'KNC' embedded on the bottom. She just stared at it, wondering how her son could afford such a gift.

"Your other one was starting to fade." He said.

"I don't know what to say. Thank you Seth. It's beautiful." She was starting to get chocked up.

"Grandpa helped me and insisted I put the 'N' in your initials. I know you don't use your maiden name anymore, but figured I would appease the old man." Seth's real concern wasn't the 'N' but the 'C'. How much longer would she be a Cohen?

She got up and hugged him one more time. "I love it, but how did you afford it?" She asked bluntly.

"Manual labor Mom. I cleaned a lot of toilets for everyone's chrismukah presents." Seth always knew how to turn everyone's attention away from Kirsten's initials.

It started to get late when Kirsten was the first to announce she was going to bed. They all stared at Kirsten as she made her way to their bedroom. Sandy wondered what was going through her mind as she left the room. He figured she was sly enough to figure out a plan in her head. He had a plan of his own. "Ryan, do you have everything you need from the pool house?" He figured he would avoid any chance of interruption.

"Yeah. I'm good. Kirsten made sure I moved everything into the guest room this afternoon."

Sandy smiled, thinking that great minds think alike. "In that case, I'm heading to bed. Goodnight fellas."

Seth watched as Sandy retreated through the backyard. "I cannot believe those two ignored what we told them about the presents. Why would they be so mean to each other?" Seth was clearly upset.

"I think they are being mean to us." Ryan said quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"I saw a bunch of presents for Kirsten in the pool house. I think they are playing games with us. I told you we should have never gotten involved."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Pretty sure."

"I guess they are talking to each other more than I think they are."

'If it's just talking." Ryan pointed out.

"What do you mean?" Seth asked confused.

"Nothing." Ryan didn't want to upset Seth any further until he was sure to what was really going on.

Sandy was lying in Ryan's bed, watching the boys in the living room. He hoped Kirsten was going to keep her promise of making a visit to the pool house, but he wasn't sure if that was going to be possible. If the boys stayed downstairs, they would definitely spot her trying to sneak out to see him. He thought back to a long time ago when he was in a similar situation.

_Kirsten and Sandy were to wed in one month, both very excited and both very much in love. They both didn't believe in the pre-wedding rituals of having a bachelor and bachelorette party, but their friends were not going to let them off the hook that easily._

_"Sandy, this is a rite of passage. You cannot tie the knot and not have one last night of freedom." His friend Paul said. "What kind of friends would we all be if we didn't celebrate?"_

_"I don't look at marrying Kirsten as losing my freedom." Sandy defended._

_"Come on, don't deny us this." He pleaded. _

_So Sandy agreed although he really didn't care to what celebratory activities his buddies were planning. He just had to tell Kirsten._

_"So, Paul and the rest of the guys are planning on throwing me a bachelor party. Before you say anything, let me explain that I really don't need one and want one for that matter."_

_"Sandy, it's okay. I understand."_

_"You do?" He asked, knowing that he was about to marry the most amazing woman._

_"Yes." She said smiling. "Now you just gave me an excuse to say yes to the girls wanting to throw me one!"_

_"Are you serious? I don't like the sound of this!"_

_"Are you kidding me?" She couldn't believe Sandy was presenting such a double standard._

_"No, I'm not. Bachelorette parties are so much worse than bachelor parties."_

_"They are not! How could you possibly back up that statement?"_

_Sandy thought for a second before explaining the thoughts that invaded his mind. "It's just a lot easier for a girl to get laid than a guy, especially at these types of parties."_

_"Sandy!" She scolded. "What makes you think that is the reason I want to take part in this? Unless that is your plan?" She stated it more like a question._

_"Please Kirsten, you have nothing to worry about. I didn't even want to have one, but the guys want to have a reason to go out and get drunk."_

_"And get strippers!" She finished for him with a raised eyebrow. "And for the record, girls don't get strippers!"_

_"Yeah, right." He chuckled. "With your group of Newpsies and friends from Berkeley, I highly doubt you will be sitting home watching movies."_

_"You're probably right, but I trust you and I hope that you trust me."_

_"I trust you." He said back._

_He pulled her close to him, reminding her of how in love he was. "Maybe you can surprise me and give me a private strip show afterwards."_

_"Maybe."_

_All thoughts of that were completely washed away when his friends planned his bachelor party in Las Vegas. He felt really bad about leaving for the entire weekend, but Kirsten had really understood. Not being able to coincide their parties the same weekend, Kirsten had her's first. Sandy stayed at home while Kirsten got ready in their apartment to go out with the girls. _

_"Behave!" He told her before the limo picked her up. It was a bad idea for him to stay home while she was out. All he did was think about what she was doing, where she was and whom she was with. He couldn't help it. _

_It wasn't until four in the morning that she strolled in from her night out in San Francisco. She was inebriated, to say the very least. She wore a half eaten candy necklace, a white tank top signed by numerous male names in black marker and a pair of boxers sticking out of her purse. _

_"Hey. You waited up!" She slurred, with a goofy grin on her face. "I missed you!"_

_"You did, huh?" He laughed at she swayed through the apartment toward their bed. As she sat, she threw her purse down and began unbuckling her shoes. Sandy reached for the boxers in her purse and held them up to her. "Where did you get these?"_

_She waved her hands in the air as she spoke. "Oh, some guy at the bar."_

_"How did you get them from this guy?" Sandy wasn't mad, just curious._

_"He took them off for me." She replied, as she started to undress. "Well, actually Taryn asked but he gave them to me. I think he liked me." She said, not really understanding the weight of her words._

_"Oh yeah? Why do you think that?"_

_"Because he told me so. Plus he asked me to go back to his place. That means he liked me right?"_

_"I'd say so. What did you say?" He couldn't help but take advantage of the fact that she was drunk and always told the truth in this state of mind._

_"I told him to take a hike! I already had someone to come home to." She murmured, before she drifted off to sleep. _

_Two weeks later, Sandy left for Vegas with his buddies. Saying goodbye to Kirsten wasn't easy because now it was her turn to sit home and do some worrying._

_"You better behave, Sandy!" She warned._

_"I will, I promise. If it was up to me, I would take you with me, so I have someone to come home to at night." He grinned. They kissed passionately savoring it, for it would be three days until they saw each other again._

_Once he left, he immediately missed her, but promised himself he wouldn't dwell on it. He was there to have a good time with his buddies and intended to make the best of it. The first night they went out drinking and ended up at a strip club. He should have known this was going to happen. He intended just to enjoy the view from afar, but each guy on the trip bought Sandy a lap dance and who was he to say no. He kept his hands to himself and declined offers to go into another room for a private show. The only private show he was interested in was from Kirsten._

_He called her in a drunken stupor when he got in that night. "Hi baby." _

_"Hey! You sound like you're having a good time." She could tell he was wasted._

_"I am, but I wish you were here."_

_"The strippers aren't doing it for you?" She asked, tricking him into telling her everything._

_"They're okay, but I want a private show from you!" He slurred into the receiver._

_"Does that mean you had a private show from someone else? Sandy, you promised!" She was getting upset, thinking of Sandy behind closed door with another woman._

_"No, I want one from you. Come out and meet me here."_

_"I can't. I'm not going to crash you bachelor party. Do you know how bad that would look?" She didn't want his friends to think she didn't want him to have fun without her._

_"No one will ever know. I'm at the Mirage in room 1406. Promise you'll come tomorrow night?"_

_"Sandy..."_

_He interrupted her speech. "Promise?"_

_"We'll see." She replied, thinking it might be fun._

_The next morning Sandy woke up with a bad hangover, not really remembering much of the previous night. He remembered going out, doing lots of shots, the strip club and a vague call to Kirsten. As they day went on, Sandy began to put the pieces together from the night before. He then remembered asking Kirsten to come out there, but he couldn't remember if she agreed or not._

_Then repeated the same cycle as the night before. They started at a bar, proceeded to a club and then again went to the strip club. He still was feeling the effects from the night before and decided to call it a night. His friends were not happy, but told him he better be ready to rage the following night. _

_He went back to his hotel and made his way up to his room, wishing Kirsten would be there, but knew that wasn't likely. As he nestled under the covers in the air-conditioned room for a few minutes, he heard a knock at the door. He knew his friends weren't going to let him off the hook this easily. "I'm not going back to the strip club with you knuckleheads." He called through the door as he made his way over to open it._

_To his surprise it wasn't his friends. It was Kirsten, fully clad in a nurse's uniform. _

_Kirsten was nervous about coming out to Vegas and doing something this provocative, but the look on Sandy's face said it all. "What are you doing here?" He said with his eyes wide and his smile big._

_"I heard you weren't feeling well and figured I would come and take care of you."_

_He played along with her act and he stepped aside and let her into his room. "I'm not feeling well at all. It hurts all over." He said, staring at her sexy outfit._

_She stood in front of him and playfully pushed him into a sitting position on the bed. "Tell me where it hurts."_

_"Well, my head has been pounding all day." He said, keeping his eyes locked on hers. She slowly leaned down and softly kissed his temple. "It hurts here too." He pointed to his neck and she followed suit, planting kisses down to his collarbone. "And here too." He said as he pointed to his lips. She straddled his waist with her legs and captured his lips in hers. _

She moved her hands lower to his groin and broke to kiss. "Does it hurt down here too?" She asked, seductively.

_He grinned and nodded his head. "Oh yeah! Real bad!"_

The sound of the door broke Sandy out of his thoughts. He noticed that the living room lights were now turned off, meaning the boys finally retired to bed. His eyes followed Kirsten as she slowly shut the door and walked over to the bed. Without words she was able to communicate what she wanted with one look.

He stayed still, watching her climb up his body. "Where's your nurse outfit?" He asked, making her laugh.

"I can't believe you made me keep that on the whole night!"

"It was sexy as hell. I couldn't help it."

"And tonight?" She asked. "Do you want me to leave my clothes on tonight?"

"What do you think?"

After the both released the passion within them, he wrapped his arms around her, never wanting to let her go. "Can you stay for awhile?"

She released herself from his grip and slipped on her robe. She made her way over to a bag she brought with her. Sandy hadn't noticed it until now. "I'm going to stay so you can at least open your presents."

Sandy sat up in bed and was about to climb out to retrieve her, but she stopped him. "You go first. Merry Christmas Sandy." She gave him a long lingering kiss, wanting this moment to last forever.

There were three boxes, one envelope and one strangely wrapped gift. Like a little kid in a candy shop, he tore through the paper very energetically. The first two boxes were surf related clothing while the last was a new shirt and tie for work.

"Thank you." He said sheepishly.

"You always look so good in your navy suit, I wanted to get you something for that." She said referring to the shirt and tie. "These last two gifts..." She started to blush as she spoke. "...are for both me and you."

"Really?" He asked as he opened the envelope. "He noticed the country club logo and looked up at her with questioning eyes.

"I know it is something you really have been wanting me to do and I figured I would go with Ryan and give golf a shot."

"Why?" He was confused.

"Because if there is something that you and I have in common, it might help our relationship and it means I can spend more time with you. I want to do things that make you happy, Sandy. I'm sorry if I have neglected your needs all these years."

If he had any doubts about how Kirsten felt about him, they were all washed away. He knew how much she hated golf and was doing this for him and him only. "Thank you." He looked at the oddly shaped package and looked back up at her. "My wheels are turning on this one."

"This one is a little more shocking."

"More shocking than you playing golf? Good thing I'm sitting." As he tore through the paper, he couldn't believe what he was holding in his hands. He looked up at her appalled.

Kirsten started to really blush now and when she spoke her voice was shaky. "We don't have to use it, but I know that in the past you wanted to use these sorts of things in the bedroom and it took a lot for me to actually go in the store and buy it, but I want to grant you every wish you ever wanted. I'm not sure ..."

He interrupted her ramblings. "I can't believe you actually bought this." He said as he held the sex toy in his hands. "I would have paid money to see you in this store."

She laughed nervously but he calmed her nerves. "I appreciate the meaning behind it, although it's not something I have yearned for all these years. You know that right?" The tables had turned and now Sandy was the one telling her she was always enough for him.

"I'm sorry. The more I think about it, I have not been the best wife. Putting the whole Jimmy thing aside, I still was not a good wife. I never listen to you or your needs."

He wanted to tell her it was all right. He wanted to tell her that, besides the whole Jimmy thing, she was an excellent wife. He knew he couldn't. Now was not the time.

When silence met them, Sandy stood up and got to his bag of white wrapped gifts. There were two small ones, a really large one and a gift bag. The two small ones were jewelry. Sandy always bought her diamonds and in this case they were earrings and a bracelet.

"They're beautiful Sandy. Thank you."

As he handed her the big one, he spoke. "This is the one I am most nervous about."

"You? Nervous?"

"You never have to show anyone, but it was something I stumbled upon when I was cleaning some of my stuff out of the garage."

She couldn't describe the anticipation, so without being told to do so, she tore through the paper. It as a leather bound sketchbook with her name in the bottom. When she opened it, she couldn't believe her eyes.

"Oh My God! Sandy, where did you find these?" She asked as she flipped through the pages. They were all pieces of artwork she did through the years. Some were oil, some charcoal, some just in pencil but they all transcended time.

"I found them a few weeks back and it brought back all these memories of how you used to love to sketch and paint. I had this visual of you painting in that small backyard in Berkeley. Remember?" When she nodded, he continued. "So I took them to be preserved and bound. I know you never show anyone these, but I love them because they are such a big part of who you are. I didn't want them to become ruined over time."

Tears started to well in her eyes. She leaned in and kissed him hard. "Thank you! Once again, you prove to me that I don't deserve you."

He smiled as he held up the gift bag. "One more!"

As she pulled the tissue paper out, she pulled out a piece of tan lingerie trimmed with black lace. "You bought me lingerie?"

"Do you like it? I wasn't sure."

"It's great. Thank you, but what prompted this?"

"I guess you and I were feeling the same things. You have asked so many times in the past for a gift like this and I never listened. I should have listened. I should have been a better husband."

Kirsten immediately dropped the lingerie, trying to understand Sandy's full train of thought. "Sandy, you were always a good husband. All the mistakes I made were never because you were a bad husband. You need to understand that." She wanted to tell him that she loved him, but those words had not come out of her mouth in a long time. She didn't want to push him too far over the edge.

They laid back down together and reveled in each other's touch. "I better go back into the house. I don't want Seth seeing us like this." She said starting to get up.

She got dressed as Sandy watched her bare skin become clothed again. "Merry Christmas Kirsten."

"Merry Christmas Sandy."

The next morning the boys opened a ton of gifts while Sandy and Kirsten watched in amusement. Seth felt bad that his parents only opened a few things from them and not from each other. Ryan wasn't going to try and play detective anymore. Kirsten would always treasure the previous night. She felt like she and Sandy made great strides. Nothing was set in stone, but she had a feeling he was thinking more and more about coming home to her. Sandy couldn't help but think of the gifts Kirsten got him. He knew that she was doing everything in her power to make him understand how much she truly loved him. Through all of this, he never doubted her love, but he did doubt himself. He wondered if he truly would be able to trust her again. It was the age old questioned.

Last night helped him make a big decision. He loved her and he knew it all along. He tried to pretend that his anger could replace his love, but it couldn't. Kirsten was now sacrificing what she really wanted for him. She was not holding back and he loved the effort she was making. It only made him fall in love with her more.

The week between Christmas and New Years seemed to drag for Kirsten. She couldn't wait to go away with Sandy. She felt like a teenager again. She was staring at an old photo of them, when her father came into her office.

"What are you daydreaming about?" he asked sternly.

She smiled up at him, ignoring the question. "What can I help you with, Dad?"

"Can't I just stop by and say hello?"

She gave him a knowing look. "Well since you couldn't be around to say hello on Christmas, why would I assume you would stop by now?"

"Don't bring up that again."

"Why not? I can't believe you spent the holidays out of town again."

"I wanted to get away. The stress from this D.A case drove me insane the last few weeks."

"The case that my husband clearly got you out of. How about showing a little thanks? Not to me, but at least to Sandy." She was always so frustrated with her father.

"I didn't come here to argue with you. I just came by to let you know we have a meeting on New Years Day very early in the morning so I don't want you going out the night before and getting all liquored up."

Without looking up, she denied his request. "I'm not going to be here. I'm going away for the holiday."

"With who?" He asked immediately. Kirsten should have known that was coming.

"It doesn't matter with who. I just letting you know I will not be attending."

"Is it Carter? Are you planning on going away with him? I'm not so sure about him Kiki."

Kirsten just rolled her eyes, not believing her father was actually going to give her advice on the matters of love. "You wouldn't like anybody I dated, but no. Carter might be able to handle this meeting with you."

"I liked Jimmy." Caleb said and it struck such a nerve with her.

"You never liked Sandy and I've been married to him for twenty years."

"How did you expect me to like him when you first brought him home? He was a poor, liberal, pot-smoking Jew with a cocky attitude."

"He never disrespected you." She defended.

"It doesn't matter now. I know he made you happy. I know he supplied you with a good life."

"You're only saying that because he has been helping you out of messes."

"Maybe." He said smugly. "Happy New Year Kiki."

Kirsten felt like she and her father have had that same fight a thousand times. There was only one thing that always made her feel better after one of these. She dialed his number and waited for him to answer at his office.

"Good afternoon, Sandy Cohen."

"Hey, it's me."

"Hi. How are you?"

"I'm good. Well, not really. I just got into yet another fight with my father."

"Glad to see you are still standing up to him."

"You know I can't let him win." She joked. When Sandy didn't fill the silence, she spoke again. "I'm really looking forward to going away with you. I have been thinking about it for three days now."

He loved playing this game. "Oh yeah? What have you been thinking about?"

"You. I can't wait to model off my Christmas present for you." She said quietly.

"Me either." Sandy thought for a moment, trying to figure out the logistics in his head. "Why wait until the weekend?"

"What?"

"I want to see you right now. Let's meet at the house in twenty?"

"We can't. The boys are on break from Harbor. I doubt they are going to leave the house today." She said in a disappointed tone.

"Let's go to a hotel." He suggested. "It will be comfortable and there is less chance of getting caught."

"Meet you in twenty at the Hilton?"

"I'll be there in ten, waiting."

When she arrived, she saw Sandy's car in the parking lot. _This was so crazy_, she thought. She made her way up to his room and knocked on the door. When he opened it, she stepped inside and asked him. "Why didn't we just go to your apartment?"

He closed the space between them and kissed her roughly, his fingers already unbuttoning her shirt. "Because this was much closer."

That was good enough reason for her and she wasn't going to question it. She didn't want anything to ruin this moment.

As they once again embraced each other under the sheets, she spoke softly. "So where are we going tomorrow?" The suspense was killing her.

"I told you, it's a surprise." He said slyly.

"Come on, give me a hint?"

"Not a chance." He thought for a moment before asking her plans for their getaway. "Where did you tell the boys you were going?"

"I didn't. They never asked so I didn't say. Isn't it weird that they never asked about either of us?"

"I've got a feeling those questions will eventually be posed."

"I hope not."

"Me either. So we can meet at my apartment and leave from there okay?"

"Sounds perfect."

Kirsten went home that night and began to pack. She smiled as she thought about packing her newly acquired piece of lingerie. She pulled it out of her drawer and placed it in the suitcase as she walked back over to her dresser.

She heard a light knock at the door followed by a soft voice. "Kirsten? Can I come in?"

"Hey Ryan. Come in."

"Seth said you wanted to talk to me?"

"I just wanted to reiterate what I said to Seth earlier. Since I'll be away for a few days, I don't want you two to think that means it is okay to throw any types of ragers."

"We wouldn't." He said quietly.

"Ryan, I was once your age and being a child whose father traveled all the time, I know the possibility of a beer truck arriving to deliver kegs is likely."

Ryan smiled at her response, wishing he could know more about Kirsten and her rebellious stage against her father. His smile quickly faded when he took a look at her suitcase.

Kirsten followed his eyes to the suitcase and noticed she left it open, revealing the lingerie. She didn't want to make a big deal of it and continued to pack some of her stuff on top of it. It would be worse to acknowledge it and try to make excuses.

"I promise. No parties."

"That also means no sleepovers!"

Ryan began to blush since he had already invited Marissa over to spend the night. When Kirsten noticed, she repeated her words from before. "I was once your age."

Later on that evening, Ryan couldn't hold in his new discovery anymore and decided it was time to talk to Seth about it. "So I guess Kirsten gave you the same speech she gave me, huh?" He started.

"Yeah. No parties and no sleepovers." He winked at Ryan. "Summer is still coming over anyway."

"I figured as much. I guess she just wanted to cover all parental basis." He was wondering what the best way to proceed was. "So, your parents are both going away for New Years, huh?"

"I guess so." Seth replied, barely listening to Ryan as he continued with his playstation game.

"Do you think it's weird that nothing was ever said to us about the Christmas gifts? They obviously knew what we were up to." Ryan continued.

"I hadn't really thought about it."

"Seth, I think there is more going on than what they are telling us."

Seth paused the game and looked at Ryan. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I noticed that they were throwing each other odd glances during Chrismukah. When The Nana was here, they were acting out their romance much more than they had to. Now they are both going away for New Years. Don't you think there might possibly be something going on that we are not aware of?"

"No." Seth simply said. "They promised us that if there was anything we needed to know, they would disclose it to us. Why would they lie about it?"

"Maybe they are afraid of our reactions. Maybe it's not that serious. Maybe it is but haven't discussed it with each other yet. I don't know."

"I think you're reaching Ryan. As much as I would love to see them reunite, I honestly don't want to get my hopes up. How could they not get each other presents?"

"Maybe they did and we just don't know about it."

"You think?"

"Do you have any idea where they are separately going away for New Years?"

"I never asked." Seth said, starting to think Ryan might be on to something.

"It just all seems a little too convenient. I think they are going away together." Ryan put it out there.

"Now way." Seth argued.

Ryan just shrugged his shoulders, lifting the weight that was there and passing some of it off to Seth.

That night Seth considered what Ryan said over and over in his head. Deep down, he would be thrilled if his parents worked things out, but not if it wasn't for the long term. He couldn't deal with going through all this drama again. Everything Ryan said made sense and figured the only way he would find out the truth would be to corner either of his parents.

The next morning Seth decided to try and catch his Dad before he left for his to trip. He really wasn't sure what he was going to do or ask for that matter, but figured he would show up and wing it. He knocked on the door to his apartment and Sandy called out. "Coming."

_Kirsten was early_, Sandy thought to himself. When he opened the door, Seth gave him a friendly smile and Sandy returned that look with one of worry. "Hey." he said in a rushed tone. "What are you doing here?"

"It's nice to see you too." Seth replied sarcastically. "I was just trying to catch you before you left."

"What's up?" He said as casually as possible.

"Not much. So when are you getting back?"

"We'll be away for three nights."

"We'll?" Seth questioned, realizing that Ryan was probably right.

"Did I say that?"

"Where are you headed?" Seth asked again.

"New York. I'm going to visit your grandmother and get away for a bit."

"Ah." That was all Seth could muster, not believing him for a second.

Sandy started to feel like he was being interrogated and just wished himself out of this awkward situation. As if the timing couldn't be any worse, there was another knock at the door.

"Excuse me." Sandy said as he went to answer it. He knew it would be Kirsten, hoping she would see Seth right away and somehow they would be able to play it off. When Sandy opened the door the first thing she noticed was the scared look on his face. Then she immediately saw Seth and understood. She thankfully left her luggage in her car.

Kirsten wanted to ease Sandy's mind and started the conversation. "Hey. I'm glad I caught you." She said giving him the eyes to basically play along. She looked at Seth and spoke to him. "You're up early."

"Yeah. I was trying to catch Dad before he left. What are you doing here?" Seth asked, hoping to finally here the truth.

"I actually wanted to talk to your father about you and Ryan."

"Aren't you supposed to be leaving today for your trip?" Seth didn't even hear her previous statement, too occupied with catching his mother in a lie.

"Yeah. I'm leaving from here." She looked at Sandy and saw relief wash over him. "I actually..."

Seth interrupted her with another question. "Where are you off to?"

"A spa weekend in Palm Springs." She recognized that Seth was asking a lot of questions. "I wanted to remind your father that you two are going to be in the house alone and to check in. I don't want our house turned upside down when I return."

Sandy chimed in too. "And no girl sleepovers! We're not stupid!"

Seth was impressed that neither stuttered in their response. Maybe Ryan was imagining things. Maybe he was too. He still was unsure, but knew he wanted to remove himself from this conversation before they decided not to go away at all. "We got it. You two have fun..in New York and Palm Springs." He gave a light chuckle before he left. They both watched through the window as he pulled away.

"Wow. That was close." Kirsten said.

"I was so glad you didn't bring your bags from the car. That would have been a disaster."

"New York?" She asked about his excuse.

'It was all I could think of. Palm Springs?"

"Well that is where I was hoping we were going." She smiled at him.

"Baby, it's so much better!" He exclaimed excitedly.

Kirsten was surprised when they arrived at the airport. She didn't think they were going somewhere far enough that they were required to fly. When she saw their destination, he looked at her with anticipation.

"This is such a great idea." She exclaimed.

They were headed to a place where all their troubles had disappeared. It was where they met and where there was never a Jimmy Cooper in their lives. They were headed to Berkeley.

"I'm so excited to be here." She said, smiling as she leaned in for a kiss.

When he pulled back, he spoke. "This is only the surface. I've got a whole bunch of surprises in my pocket for you."

The next surprise Sandy had for Kirsten was that he rented her old apartment for a few days. "How did you pull this off?" She asked.

"I have my ways." He replied, never wanting to tell her the hell he was put through. He knew the one thing college kids needed was money. He offered them an amount that they couldn't refuse and had them hire a cleaning service as well. He paid for new sheets, towels and toiletries, making the place just perfect. They students were home for their semester break anyway, so it was a win-win situation.

Once they were safely inside her old place, she walked in the doorway of her old room and stared intently at the molding. "I can't believe it is still here." She whispered.

"What?"

"I carved our initials in here once you told me you loved me and it's still here. Can you believe it's still here after all this time?"

He placed his hands on her waist and turned her to face him. "Yes, I believe it." He said referring more to them than the carving in the wall.

She leaned in and kissed him and before they knew it, they were re-living a moment that played a million times throughout the beginning of their relationship.

While lying in bed, Sandy was deep in thought and unusually quiet. "What's going on up there?" She asked pointing to his head.

He laughed before he spoke. "I don't think we ever had sex in this place with the lights on. I guess I can check that off my list now!"

She was laughing now too before blushing a little bit. "I guess I finally came out of my shell." She said.

"You were always so self-conscious when we were dating. I always wanted to ask you to keep the lights on, but knew you didn't feel comfortable."

"And now?" She asked.

He laughed again. "I can barely keep up with you."

The next morning, Sandy suggested taking a stroll along campus. Hand in hand, the sights in front of them mesmerized their eyes. This place held some many special memories that they both felt elated to be there.

She stopped walking and pulled his hand to signal for him to face her. They were outside the political science building and she wanted to point something out to him. "Do you know where we are standing right now?" She asked.

"In front of a building that I spent a lot of time in?" He was guessing if he was right.

"No." She smiled at how simple his mind was some time. She moved closer to him, still holding his hand. "This is where we first met."

When Sandy looked around, he recognized what she was saying. He remembered standing behind that table, soliciting people to vote for Mondale and Ferraro. Then she walked by and his whole life changed. "I can't believe you remember that this was the exact spot." He said smiling at her.

"How could I forget? It was the best day of my life." When he didn't respond, she continued. "You do know that, right Sandy?"

"Me too." He said back.

She needed to make sure he understood how strongly she felt about that. "I mean that with all my heart. If it weren't for that fateful day, my whole life would have turned out to be such a disaster. You are the sole reason for my happiness over the past twenty-five years. I want you to know that. I also know that I haven't shown you how grateful I am for you, but you are the single most important thing in my life. I thank God everyday that I walked past this exact spot on that exact day at that exact time."

He smiled loving how expression she had become since this whole Jimmy debacle. She always told him how she felt deep inside, and even though he knew it, it was so nice to hear. "I don't know what possessed me to ask you to go to coffee with me. All I knew was that I had to say something so you didn't walk away."

She placed her hands on his cheeks drawing him to for a kiss. When she pulled back to lingered close. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For not letting me walk away. For giving me a great life, two kind sons and so many wonderful memories."

He leaned in for another kiss as she finally let go of his hand and wrapped her arms around his neck. Sandy parted his lips and was about to deepen the kiss with his tongue, but the call of his name startled them both.

"Cohen!"

When Sandy and Kirsten pulled apart and looked toward the direction of the voice, they both smiled when they saw their old friend Paul walking toward them. "Paul?" He asked. "Is that you?"

As Paul got closer, he shook Sandy's hand. "In the flesh. I knew that was you. You spent your whole senior year lipped locked to this beauty." He leaned in and kissed Kirsten on the cheek as a gesture to say hello. "What you guys doing in Berkeley?"

"We just took a trip here to stroll down memory lane." Sandy answered, not wanting to get into the fact that they were running away from their family because no one knew they were reunited.

Kirsten felt the tension through Sandy and decided to change the subject. "Sandy told me you were working here. Do you love being here?"

He laughed. "It's entirely different from when we were students. I don't know if it's because I am older now or if the students have changed."

"Well I feel younger just being here." Kirsten stated with a big smile on her face. "God, I miss this place."

"Well this place misses you guys." He turned his attention to Sandy. "You really made some noise with that Heights case back in Newport."

Sandy knew that case was going to do wonders for his career, but he hated what it did to his marriage. "Thanks."

"If I thought you wanted to come back here permanently, I would offer you a teaching job right on the spot. Not interview necessary."

"Excuse me?" Sandy asked, his curiosity peaked.

"Believe it or not, they made me department chair and I am looking for a third year professor."

"Congratulations!" Kirsten exclaimed, not thinking anything about what was actually being offered here.

"Don't congratulate me yet. You have no idea how hard it is to find a worthy candidate that still wants to work full time."

"Are you serious?" Sandy could help but be intrigued. He could never deny that his years spent in Berkeley were the best of his life. Kirsten whipped her attention back at Sandy. Why was he showing so much interest?

"You say that like you might be interested." He said with a smile. When Sandy didn't shake off his last comment, the grin faded fast. "Are you interested?"

"It's definitely something to think about."

"It is?" Kirsten questioned.

"Well, we can talk more tonight." Paul answered before shaking Sandy's hand and kissing Kirsten's cheek.

Kirsten was in an utter state of shock. She didn't hear Paul's goodbye to question why they would see him tonight. She barely heard anything after Sandy expressed interest in this absurd idea. She knew he never was in love with Newport, but that was their home.

"Are you okay?" Sandy broke her out of his thoughts.

She gave her best fake smile. "Yeah. I'm fine. How about we head to Main Street for lunch?"

Sandy caught on immediately and addressed the situation. "Kirsten, it's just an offer."

"I know." She said worriedly. "It's just..." She couldn't put her thoughts into words.

"What?" He asked.

"I'm afraid of offers to come your way when ultimately it is a long term plan that doesn't include me."

He threw one arm around her shoulders and guided her along their walk. "Who said the plan didn't include you?"

After they left campus, Sandy told Kirsten to get dressed. He had another surprise in store for her. She told him that she rather stay in and log in some quality time together, but Sandy told her that wasn't an option.

He thought Paul blew the surprise when they met earlier, but Kirsten didn't seem to catch on. Sandy was thankful for at least that.

"Where are we headed?" She finally asked.

"You'll see."

As Sandy waited for Kirsten to finish getting ready, he looked at his watch realized that they were going to be late. They were meeting people and Sandy hated being late, but he knew their friends would expect it. They were always late meeting their friends for anything.

_"It starts at six-thirty." Paul said, about a party they were going to meet up at._

_"I thought it started at eight?" Sandy questioned._

_"It does, but I figured if we told you it was earlier, you guys might actually show up on time."_

_"What do you mean?" Sandy played dumb._

_"Are you kidding? You guys are always late. Let me rephrase that. You guys are always late and always in a very relaxed good mood. We all know the two coincide for a reason and one reason only."_

_Sandy knew it was true. When he and Kirsten got ready to go somewhere, they always ended up having to get dressed again in a hurry. "I can't help myself sometimes. She comes out of that room and she looks radiant. Every time. "I try and control myself, but it is too difficult." Sandy thought about Paul's analysis. "I can't believe you guys are aware of all of this."_

_"Well, when you first starting dating we always thought it was Kirsten. We figured she was high maintenance and took forever to get ready."_

_"And now?"_

_"Now that we know her, we knew it had to be something else. And I know I'm right."_

_Sandy was ashamed and knew if Kirsten ever knew this conversation took place, she would be mortified. "I'm pleading the fifth." Sandy said as he cracked a smile_.

When Kirsten finally emerged from the bathroom, once again, she took his breath away. "Wow."

She smiled. "Thanks. I'm sorry. I know we are going to be late for whatever you got planned."

"It's okay. My plans are expecting a delay anyway."

"Really? Why?"

"I'll explain later."

"Well in that case.." She said kissing him passionately before pulling back. "...what's another five minutes." She said while undoing his belt.

"Five?" He questioned. "It will be at least ten!" Sandy really didn't care how late they were going to be.

They headed to a local restaurant that Kirsten's parents always took her to when they came up to visit. As students, they never could afford to dine there, so it was sort of treat for Sandy to be able to take his wife there.

Once Kirsten stepped through the front door, she recognized Paul standing there with his wife, Noelle. These women hadn't seem each other in years and the smile across Kirsten's face told Sandy he did the right thing in planning this evening. Kirsten then noticed two of her old roommates that still lived in Berkeley with their husbands and one of Sandy's old roommates that lived about an hour outside Berkeley.

"Where have you guys been?" One of the girls asked.

"Did you really expect them to be on time?" Paul fired back.

Once they all said hello and had a drink at the bar, they headed to their table. Kirsten finally understood what Sandy was saying beforehand. "Care to explain why everyone expected us to be late?"

"Apparently it's an old joke that all my friends used to make at our expense. They always knew we could never make it anywhere on time because I couldn't keep my hands to myself."

"Well that's a coincidence because all my friends knew I always used to leave the bar early because I couldn't keep my hands to myself."

Sandy smiled, feeling like time really hadn't passed and all the terrible things that happened over the past year were all just part of a really bad nightmare.

After dinner they headed back to Paul's house for a few drinks and to do some reminiscing. Although all their lives had changed so much, they still shared the same memories.

"I can still remember Kirsten coming back from her coffee date with Sandy and not being able to wipe that stupid smile off her face."

Sandy loved hearing things like this. It just regained his confidence that she really did love him. He couldn't help but doubt that over the past year.

"I remember Sandy telling me when he got home that he met the girl he was going to marry someday. I thought he was crazy, but look at you two. Here we are over twenty years later and nothing has changed between you." Paul chimed in.

"I have to say, I didn't have the same faith in you guys." Carl, one of Sandy's roommates said.

"Hey!" Sandy tried to sound offended. "Why not?"

"Remember Lilly?" Carl answered.

"Ahh, yes. Lilly." Paul recalled.

"Who's Lilly?" Kirsten was intrigued now.

"It was that slut from the coffee shop that always had a thing for Sandy." Noelle said to Kirsten and then turned to ask. "She must have asked you out a million times, right?"

Before Sandy could answer, Paul started in again. "She kept telling you that Kirsten would never find out and you still didn't do anything." He addressed Kirsten this time. "I knew then that you guys were going to last. He loved you too much to be unfaithful."

Sandy could sense Kirsten's uncomfortableness and squeezed her hand reassuringly. She smiled at the gesture and Sandy pointed it out. "Well, she didn't have that smile."

Once they rang in the New Year, Kirsten and Sandy walked back to Kirsten's old apartment. It felt like they made that walk a million times before. Kirsten was unusually quiet and Sandy wanted to know. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." She replied, her mind occupied with other thoughts.

"What's going on up there?" He said as he kissed the top of her head.

She couldn't help by play over and over what said inside. "Why didn't you ever cheat on me with the coffee shop girl?"

"Because I didn't have the urge to. You fulfilled me. I didn't have room for anyone else."

"But if I would have never found out, as a young guy, why wouldn't you even try?" She asked, feeling stupid that she was asking him such absurd questions.

Sandy thought long and hard before he answered. "I guess because I was doing everything in power not to screw us up. I didn't want to take the risk of losing you. I know if I did act on it and you ever found out, you would never forgive me." When she looked down, Sandy knew she was thinking about what she did with Jimmy. "Our relationship was too new and there was hardly any foundation. I guess I was just scared."

Kirsten stopped walking, and faced him, tears trickling down her cheeks. "That's why I never told you." She whispered. "I didn't want to risk losing you. I wasn't prepared to face the consequences that we are facing now. I'm so sorry Sandy. I know they are just words and you heard them a million times, but I truly am sorry for disrespecting you. You are my everything and I treated you like you were worth nothing to me." She moved closer and wrapped her arms tightly around him. "I love you so much Sandy. I don't ever want you to doubt that."

He hugged her back and moved his hands soothingly over her back. "I know." He said and for the first time in a long time, he truly meant it. He knew no one could love him as much as her.

The next morning they left their past behind and headed back to reality. He wished they could have stayed longer. Berkeley was a very special place to him and a part of wished they could stay there forever. Berkeley didn't have her demanding job, her arrogant father, the superficial community and of course Jimmy Cooper.

His mind kept drifting back to the job offer. If he met up with Paul months ago, when all this first started, he couldn't have bet his life that he would have taken it. But once again his feelings were involved. These past few weeks Kirsten was proving herself to him. He trusted her again and he couldn't turn his head away from that. Deep down, he knew what all this meant. He wanted to come home. He wanted to be Kirsten's husband again. He was ready.

When they arrived at Sandy's apartment, she came in to use the bathroom before she drove back to their house.

"Why don't you stay? One more night?" He asked, but was practically begging.

She moved toward him again. It started to feel so natural. "I can't. The boys are expecting me to be home and I really don't need to interrogation. You and I got enough of that a few days ago." She smiled at Seth's antics.

Sandy knew now was the time. "What if I said that I didn't care what the boys thought anymore?"

"What?" She was confused. She felt her insides heat up, hoping that Sandy was about to say what she thought he was going to say.

"I..." He struggled with what to say. He wanted it to come out perfectly. "I just think they might need to know what is going on sooner or later." That was not all of it.

"Why?" She asked, practically pulling information out of him. She didn't care because she wanted to make sure she wasn't misinterpreting anything. She needed to hear it out loud.

"I..." He still couldn't find the words and then told himself that he just might not be ready for all of this.

Just then his cell phone rang, totally destroying any hope for those magical words to be spoken. He kept his eyes focused on Kirsten and he reached in his pocket. He pulled it out and looked at the display making a sour face at Kirsten. "It's your father."

"Really? That's weird."

He answered it, staying right where he was, in front of Kirsten. "More phone calls Cal? Did you miss me?"

Kirsten could only hear one side of the conversation, but Sandy's expression told her that something wasn't right. "Julie? Wait a second. Slow down."

Silence.

"You're where?"

More silence.

"What? When?" Sandy's eyes were now focused on the floor trying to make out what a hysterical Julie was saying. He was too scared to look up at Kirsten.

Even more silence.

"How did this happen?"

Again, silence.

"Okay. Yeah, she is with me now."

Kirsten was starting to grow anxious.

"We'll be right there." Sandy hung up the phone and lifted his head to make contact with Kirsten's very worried eyes.

She finally found her voice. "Is everything okay?"

"No." For a man of many words, Sandy was speechless. "It's about your father." Sandy said it with so much sympathy. She immediately knew he was gone.

She wrapped her arms around herself and began to sob uncontrollably. Within seconds, Sandy embraced her as he whispered. "I'm so sorry. It's going to be okay. I'm here. I'm so sorry, Kirsten."

--

--

**Please let me know what you think. It looks like there will only be two or three more chapters left! Click that Button!!!**


	25. Downhill Track

Hey Everyone - I'm sorry for the lag in time between updates. Although most of your reviews were positive, I received a few negative ones for the previous chapter. I have to admit, I rushed through it a bit because I felt the pressure to update and it didn't turn out that great. I really tried taking my time with this one to make it as good as it could possibly be.

_**I also apologize for not giving each and every one of you a shout out! That doesn't mean I appreciate your reviews any less. I just wanted to post this ASAP.**_

_**So there are only two chapters left so enjoy while it lasts!!!**_

Sandy didn't know what to do, so he just held on to her and tried to calm her breathing. No Words needed to be spoken to empathize with her. So instead of words, he used soft, sweet gestures. She was in his arms and held her grip to his button down shirt tightly. He rubbed her back and whispered in her ear that everything was going to be okay. He would make sure that she was all right. He didn't even know if she was listening.

Thoughts of telling her that he wanted to come home were now long forgotten. While flying back to Newport, he thought about calling her lawyer first thing in the morning to draw up reversal papers. He didn't want to be legally separated from her. He wanted to be her husband. All of this was now on the back burner.

Even in death, Caleb was somehow still coming between them. He would have to put his future plans on hold. The last time he had to do this was over twenty years ago. Back then, he thought he would never get the opportunity to marry Kirsten.

_The following Saturday was the day that his whole life was going to change. Or so he thought! He was going to marry the woman of his dreams and do everything in his power to make her happy for the rest of their lives. She was going to take his name, legally and without any arguments. Kirsten Cohen. She was no longer going to have to live up to the Nichol legacy. She was going to be whoever she wanted to be and Sandy loved that sense of determination._

_She was going to be a Cohen and carry the last name with a strong tone of Judaism attached to it. She couldn't be more proud because that surname belonged to Sandy. She was surprised that he even asked her if she was going to be okay to change her name. She didn't even think twice about it. Losing the Nichol part was going to send her into a frenzy of freedom._

_She was proud to be marrying Sandy and more proud to take his name._

_Next Saturday was when all this was going to happen and they both felt like they were never going to get to this day. They hit a few obstacles with the event planning. Certain flowers were out of season, certain bands were not available, but these things were normal parts of planning a wedding. Kirsten could get a handle on when things went wrong, but normally Sandy would be there to tell her everything was okay_

_Then it was Sandy's turn to lose his mind. "What do you mean you want to change the date?" He asked._

_"It's just that …" She had to tell him that her father would not be able to make it and she just couldn't get married without her father walking her down the aisle._

_"Kirsten, if you are getting cold feet, if you want to postpone this because you are not sure, we can sit and discuss it. Let's not make any rash decisions."_

_"I'm not getting cold feet. I love you more than I think you could ever imagine. My father called me today and told me that his schedule is booked solid and he won't be able to come." She looked at the floor, almost scared to tell Sand y this next part. "I can't get married without him there." She looked back up with him, tears pooling at her lids. "I just can't. I'm sorry. Can we just postpone it another month?"_

_How could he say no? He loved this woman and would fly to the moon if that were where she wanted the ceremony to be. "So, I guess we have to find out if all the vendors are available right?"_

_She jumped into his arms. "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" She kissed him hard before speaking again, excitement evident in her voice. "I promise I am going to marry you someday Sandy."_

_A month passed and Sandy once again was getting ready to celebrate his impending marriage to Kirsten. About 5 days before, Kirsten asked him to do what he felt like was the impossible. "I can't believe I am going to ask this of you again. I really can't. Please understand how important this day is to me and how important it is that he is there." She pleased._

_"Kirsten, did you ever think about telling this all to your father? Maybe he would make more of an effort." When she looked at him horrified, he eased her worry with more words. "I'm sorry, it's just that maybe he keeps doing this because it is his way of showing you that he really doesn't want me to be your husband. It is like he is taking a stand. Did you ever think of that?"_

"_He wouldn't do that Sandy. He knows all about the hell my mother and I went through to accommodate a new date. He couldn't be that malicious!" But deep down, Kirsten knew that it was possible. _

_"Kirsten, I'll do whatever you want, but this time, you are going to call my mother." Sandy smiled when he said it because he knew the hell Kirsten was going to pay for this one._

_So they waited another month and rearranged all their plans. Sandy knew there would be yet another pending phone call from Caleb with another excuse. Fortunately for Sandy, it came on the eve of their rehearsal dinner. Unfortunately for Kirsten, she was extremely upset during a time that she should be happiest._

_"Kirsten, if you want to postpone it again, I will, but I am telling you that he is just going to keep this up."_

_"No!" She was tough and strong-willed. He loved that about her. "We are going to get married tomorrow. You're one hundred percent right. It's his loss. He is going to miss seeing me on the happiest day of my life." _

_He smiled, relieved that Caleb was no longer in his way. They were going to wed tomorrow._

Now he held her in his arms, and even in death, Caleb stood between him and Kirsten. He knew she couldn't handle anything more than this right now. He knew that through all the years and all the fights, Kirsten loved her father very much. She wouldn't have never spent the better half of her life trying to please him if she didn't.

"It's going to be okay." He whispered one final time before he pulled away from her and tilted her chin to force eye contact. "Let me take you home. You can't drive like this."

They weren't thinking of much other than Caleb on the ride from Sandy's apartment to their house. There were no words exchanged, the only noise was the occasional sniffle from Kirsten.

They weren't thinking about their wonderful Christmas or their vacation to Berkeley.

They certainly weren't thinking when they left the Range Rover at Sandy's apartment and arrived back at the house together with one car.

Sandy pulled up the driveway and immediately got out to open the other side of the door. His concern right now was for her and her only. He offered his hand and she took it as he guided her to the front steps of the house.

"Wait a second." She said quietly to him. She started to rub her eyes, in an attempt to fix her smudged make-up. She took a few deep breaths and gave Sandy an encouraging nod.

He slowly opened the door, sounds of play station filling the house. "Hey Mom, we're in here. As you can see, the house is still in tact." Seth called out.

She looked at Sandy for help. She didn't take into consideration that she was going to have to face the boys.

Sandy was always her savior. "Why don't you go to our room? Take a shower, lay down, and relax." He instructed. "I'll go talk to the boys."

She gave him a thankful smile and without another word, turned away from him.

Sandy watched as Kirsten headed toward their bedroom, walking away from him, walking away from what he had hoped would have been a successful reunion.

He headed into the living room and noticed the questioning eyes that both his sons' stares held. Seth, like his father was always the one to break the silence. "Oh, hey Dad. We thought you were Mom. She's not back yet."

"Hey Sandy. How was your trip?" Ryan asked.

Ignoring Ryan, Sandy answered Seth. "Your mother went up to her bedroom. She needed a minute to get herself together."

"Well, that's ironic that you and Mom just happened to enter the house at the exact same time."

Only then, did Ryan notice Sandy's serious tone and melancholy demeanor. He kept quiet, knowing something bigger was going on.

"Not now Seth." Sandy scolded. Hiding their secret reunion, although it affected Seth immensely, was not his main concern.

"What's going on? Is Kirsten alright?"

Suddenly it hit Seth like a ton of bricks. Something was seriously wrong.

"I'm afraid not." Sandy took a seat on the loveseat that accompanied their pristine white couch. He pulled up his pants by the thighs in an effort to become more comfortable while he dropped this bombshell.

Finally Seth paused the play station. "What's going on?"

"Your grandfather passed away a few hours ago."

Ryan was silent, not wanting to disclose the many times that he wished such a horrific thing on the man. He knew Sandy did too, but now was not the time to mention such things.

"What?" Seth raised his voice as she started to stand. "I don't understand."

"I know." Sandy replied. "I figured he would outlive us all. I am still trying to wrap my head around it."

"What happened?" Ryan finally spoke.

"I really don't know the details. I just think it was his heart. I am sure when your mother and I…"

"How is Mom?" Seth asked, remembering why he stood up in the first place. He started to walk down toward the kitchen to make his way to find his mother.

"Seth…" Sandy stood up and grabbed his arm. "She needs a little time to digest all this. She is extremely upset. Let's just all give her a little space. Okay?"

Seth listened to his father, more out of fear of facing his mother, than thinking he was right. Once Sandy nodded his head and took off for his bedroom, Seth tuned to Ryan. "Wow!"

"Yeah. I'm sorry Seth."

"Thanks." Seth thought for a second before speaking again. "And I was about to tease my Dad about my Mom and him being together." He said sarcastically.

When Ryan didn't reply, Seth continued. "Is it too soon to joke?"

Sandy slowly opened the double doors to their bedroom and saw Kirsten sitting at the table facing the glass wall overlooking the ocean. His eyes were then drawn to the fact that there was a bottle of vodka and a glass with the tainted liquid accompanying her.

He didn't want to startle her since she didn't hear him come in. "Hey." He was letting his presence be known.

She didn't even turn around to acknowledge him. He then noticed the wrapper from the cap of the bottle was sitting on the table as well. A few thoughts crossed his mind.

She just opened the bottle.

Where did she get the bottle?

There was about a fifth of it missing.

Was she starting to drink away any thoughts of the devastating news?

"Kirsten? Honey? What are you doing?"

"I can't believe this." She said coldly. She was suddenly so distant.

"I know, but I'm here. You don't need this." He said as he pushed the bottle to the other end of the table as he took a seat across from her.

She ignored his request as she took another sip from her drink.

"Kirsten, don't shut me out." He wanted to let her know that he could be her crutch, not the alcohol.

When she didn't even look at him, he didn't know what other to do than slid the glass away from her. She hated that he was treating her like this. "What are you doing?" She asked.

"I want you to talk to me. I don't want you to turn away from me. I want to help you."

She grabbed her glass back and replied. "Always the savior, huh?"

She poured another glass, wanting to drown her sorrows and wash the pain away. Deep down, she knew Sandy was just trying to help, but she couldn't take it right now. All she wanted to do was get drunk. Her father just died. _I deserve at least that_, she thought.

"Don't do this Kirsten. I know you're upset, but don't take it out on me. Tell me what's going on up there?" He said softly pointing to her head.

She laughed venomously. "You don't want to know."

"I rather know than drink yourself sick."

"Why?" She bit back. "You don't feel like cleaning up another one of my messes?"

"What?" He asked, perturbed by what was coming out of her mouth.

"My affair, my drinking, now my grieving. Just add it to the list of all my faults, Sandy." She said bitterly, suddenly hating the fact that he was always so perfect.

"Stop it!" He said. "Stop trying to pick a fight because you're upset.

"Why? Does the truth hurt? I know what I am Sandy. I know you have to put up with all my bullshit. I know that you don't understand one ounce of what I'm feeling. There's not going to be any love lost between you and my father."

Sandy knew her anger was fueled by alcohol. She picked up the glass again and topped off her glass one more time. "Don't make this about me." He said quietly. "I know you are upset, but getting drunk is not solving anything. Your sons are downstairs worried about you. How do you plan on facing them?" He shot back.

"Their big boys, Sandy. They can respect the fact that I might need some space right now."

Sandy hated when she drank this much alcohol. She was bitter. He knew that under normal circumstances, that the average person having this much liquor after this type of tragedy wouldn't be a big deal. But this was Kirsten. She always turned to alcohol when she felt like she needed it. That was what worried him.

"Kirsten, I'm going to ask you one more time to talk to me. I want you to turn to me and not that glass." He said as she stopped her hand from reaching from the glass.

"Do you really want to hear it? I'm pissed because the last time I spoke with my father we had an argument. The last time I saw him, he left my office on bad terms. Do you want to know why?" She tried to catch her breath, but it was all filtering out right now and she couldn't stop. "We fought once again over you. I stuck up for you and now he's dead. Do you want to know how I feel about that? I feel like the world's worst daughter and the biggest piece of shit."

Sandy didn't know what to say and immediately got up from his chair and pulled her out of hers. He pulled her body tight against hers so she couldn't push away from him. "Sweetheart, that's not my fault. Stop pushing me away because I'm not going anywhere."

"I hate you for that." She cried into his chest. Suddenly, she moved her hands and pushed herself hard away from his embrace. "I need you to leave."

"What?" He looked at her in a state of bewilderment.

"I want to be left alone. I need some time to myself."

Sandy knew that meant she wanted to continue drinking. "I want to stay here with you."

"Sandy?" She was asking him not to make this hard.

"Kirsten, don't push me away."

"Please?" She was begging.

Sandy knew that this was the moment that defined who they were. Kirsten felt lousy about the death of her father. Who wouldn't if they were in her shoes? But the person she was a year ago would have never asked Sandy to leave. She would have needed him to be there and comfort her. Now she looked at him and since he was the one there, she felt the need not to bask in the comfort, but rather distribute the blame. In this time of need, she needed Sandy to be at fault for something and that had never been the case in the past.

Sandy didn't know what to do other than accept defeat. Accept the fact that for the first time, she really didn't want him there.

She stared at Sandy knowing he would back down and leave her alone. In the end, he always did what she wanted. She didn't know why but she was so mad at him. Mad that she stuck up for him, mad that she was away with him and not with her father, mad that Julie called him and not her. She knew this was irrational thinking, but no one can define proper behavior under these circumstances.

He accepted defeat and started to turn away from her and head for the door. "You know, I really was just trying to help. I know how much you loved him and how much of your life you dedicated to pleasing him."

He did understand. "I love you Sandy." She wanted to tell him that she did appreciate his efforts. It was three words she hadn't spoken a long time, afraid she was going to push him away. It felt good to say them again.

He turned back around to face her and she could see the look of hurt written all over his face. "I wish that were true." He said as tears pooled at his eyelids. "If you loved me, you would never make me feel so useless."

He looked at the floor, almost ashamed for her and her child-like behavior. He didn't want to look at her or speak any more words. He decided to just head back to his apartment and give in to her initial request.

The next morning Sandy felt like once again he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders. He tried putting himself in Kirsten's shoes, searching for anything to condone her behavior.

The phone rings and breaks him out of deep thought. He can't help but hope that it is Kirsten with a sincere apology.

"Sandy?" The voice was low and not matching Kirsten's.

"Speaking."

"It's Julie."

"How are you doing Julie?" Sandy knew that Caleb's death was not really an enormous loss for the woman, but she still was his wife.

"I'm okay. A little overwhelmed. That is actually why I'm calling."

Sandy listened intently to Julie discussing her needs of help with the funeral arrangements. She couldn't handle all the responsibility on her own and Sandy actually felt sorry for her. But then she struck a nerve.

"I want to make this as smooth as possible. Kirsten deserves at least that." Julie spoke with true compassion for her friend.

"Speaking of Kirsten, why didn't you ask her to help you?"

"I tried, but I think she is taking this really bad, Sandy. The first time I called I think she was drunk and the second time I called she seemed like she was almost in a sedated state." Julie thought for a moment and didn't understand why Sandy wasn't taking better care of her friend. "Why aren't you with her now? Not that it's any of my business, but I think she needs you right now."

Sandy couldn't believe that he was going to discuss his personal like with Julie, but what did he have to lose. "She doesn't want me."

"I doubt that. You're her rock. She has told me that before you now?"

"Not now." He sadly replied. "She needs someone to blame and I really can't handle that. I don't know if I can ever accept that."

"It will be okay. I mean, you guys will get through this."

"Oh yeah? How do you know?" He said in an almost joking matter.

"It just seems like there is just too much there to give up on."

Julie's words rang in Sandy's mind all day and into the night. He wanted to believe her, but he was still upset. He felt as if the previous night, their entire relationship changed. He knew Kirsten was upset and hoped he would find her in better spirits. He had to go over and see her. He wanted to call her all day, but was trying to give her some space. When he spoke to Seth, he said she had not emerged from her room. He hated to admit that he was worried.

He let himself in the house and the usual laughter and banter that filled the mansion was missing. It was a somber environment, but he wasn't quite convinced if it actually had anything to do with Caleb's death. The boys must have been out and the only light that filtered through the long hallway was from the doorway of their bedroom.

He tentatively headed toward her, afraid that he was over stepping his boundaries. Worry conquered politeness as he continued his journey. Through the cracked door, he saw her sitting in the same position he left her in yesterday. The only thing that changed was the brand of vodka sitting on the table. He didn't want to scare her so he knocked lightly.

She turned slowly and once their eyes met, Sandy knew she was drunk. "Hey." He said softly and full of sympathy.

She gave him a sad smile and turned her herself back to face the bottle. "I'm sorry about yesterday." She whispered, but it was enough for him to hear her.

"I see you're not feeling any better." He picked up the bottle as he spoke.

"Please don't lecture me."

"I'm worried about you. Julie is worried about you."

"You spoke to Julie?"

"Yes. She asked me for help with the arrangements. She didn't want you to have to deal with it."

"Oh."

"The wake starts at two tomorrow afternoon."

When she didn't respond to that, he continued. "Kirsten, please don't drink tomorrow. That is all I ask."

"Don't judge me." She was angry. "You have been judging my every move since I told you about Jimmy. I can't take being under a microscope anymore. I can't concentrate on being perfect for you."

"I never asked you to be anything other than yourself."

"Well this is it Sandy." She said holding up her glass. "You can't be my first priority anymore. I have to give myself some time."

He was looking at her like she was crazy. He never asked for any of this. He never wanted her to feel this way. Once again he felt like maybe they were not meant to work things out. Maybe they were not strong enough. She was now asking him to step aside so she can focus on herself. Was that what she really wanted in the long run or was this because of all the grief she feels and all the alcohol she drank?

"I'm going to pick you and the boys up tomorrow at one. Please be ready." That was his way of telling her not to be drunk, without actually saying those words. He got up and started walking away from her just like he did the previous night. "For the record, I never asked to be your first priority."

As he drove home all he thought about was what their marriage actually meant to her. He was so close to telling her he was ready to move home. He was ready for them to be a family again, but now she was the one that wasn't prepared for it. He felt like he did a few months ago. He didn't know where his life was headed and this uncertainty killed him. Suddenly the weight that had been lifted months ago had returned.

Then the phone call that would give him some direction came to his cell phone while he lie in bed that night. He took it as sign.

"Hello?"

"Sandy? It's Paul." Paul could tell Sandy wasn't in the best of moods. "Is now a bad time?"

"Paul, how are you?"

"I'm good. Do you have a minute to talk?"

"Yeah. Things have been a little crazy. Kirsten's father passed away so I apologize for sounding a bit out of it."

"I'm sorry." Paul didn't know if he should continue or not. "I can call you later in the week."

"Don't be silly. You got me on the phone now. What's up?"

"Well, I'm not really sure how to ask this, so I am going to come right out with it."

"You don't need a reason dance around subjects with me." Sandy joked. "Unless it's going to be another argument over the Yankees and Dodgers."

"No. I've learned my lesson on that topic. I actually wanted to talk to you about Berkeley. It was great seeing you two over the weekend."

"We had a great time too." Sandy said sadly, already knowing that moment was long gone.

"So, when I mentioned the position of a law professor opening up, exactly how interested were you in it?"

"Well, it's a tempting offer." Sandy said honestly. He would love nothing better than to relive his Berkeley days.

"How tempting?" Paul pushed.

"Why?" Sandy asked.

"Well I think you would be a great asset to the department and I really want you to consider it."

"Are you serious?" A million thoughts were running through Sandy's mind.

Could he really leave Newport? He never really fell in love with the community.

Could he really leave the boys? They were going away to college in the fall anyway.

Could he really leave Kirsten? She said it herself that she needs some time.

Could he quit his job and live on a professor salary? That would be the easiest of all things to do.

"I'm very serious. I do realize that since the semester is starting in two weeks that this semester is probably not possible. I spoke to someone in administration and they said they would be willing to hold the position until the fall if you commit to it now."

"Wow." The same thoughts were still swirling around in his head. "Can I have some time to think about it?"

"I can give you about a week otherwise we have to publicly post the job."

"Well then I will call you in a week."

"Great!" Paul never thought he would have gotten Sandy to give this much thought. He knew he had a great life in Newport. "Sandy, I'm just glad you're even considering it."

Sandy felt like there was another way to lift that great weight. "Me too."

The next morning Kirsten woke up, knowing she had to pull herself together for Sandy and her sons. She saw the boys after being in hiding for the past two days, assuring them that she was okay. The look on their faces made her realize that she was in no position to make them worry any more than they had to.

She got dressed, knowing that today was going to be tough, but didn't need alcohol to get her through it. She had Sandy and that was all the support she needed. She heard the doorbell ring and headed down to answer it, secretly hoping it was Sandy. She wanted to talk to him and was glad he was early. When she opened the door, Hailey stood there with sad eyes and open arms.

"Hey sis."

"Hailey how was your flight?"

"Long, but I'm glad I made it. Are you okay?" Hailey knew Kirsten was the one that was going to take their father's death the hardest.

"I'm fine." She moved aside to let Hailey in and they walked into the kitchen.

"Is everyone still getting ready?" Hailey asked in a response to a very quiet kitchen.

"Yeah." Kirsten just assumed she was talking about the boys.

Without thinking, Kirsten spoke her thoughts out loud. Her mind was too occupied with trying to cover up the secrets of her marriage. "So, I guess we are going to have to take two cars over to the funeral home so we have plenty of room. Sandy should be here soon to pick us up."

"Pick us up?"

Kirsten's eyes widened, knowing that she disclosed something she didn't know how to hide. "Yeah." She tried to play it off.

"Why isn't he here now?" Hailey always picked up on her awkwardness.

"It's a long story." Kirsten said, not wanting to get into it now.

"Well, I'm going to be here for a few days, so why don't you tell me what's going on?" She said moving closer to her older sister, wanting to offer comfort. She could sense Kirsten was not okay with the situation.

"Hailey, I really don't want to get into it right now, but Sandy doesn't live here anymore. He hasn't lived here for about a year now."

"What?" She said softly, trying to offer a welcoming shoulder for Kirsten to cry on. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know. It's a long story." Kirsten repeated, not wanting Hailey to ever find out how she betrayed her and Sandy all in one shot.

Kirsten decided to walk back to her room just to avoid the third degree from Hailey. As she walked away, Hailey called back to her. "That's all I get?"

At that moment, the doorbell rang and Kirsten smiled. "You can get the door." She joked.

Hailey grunted as she walked toward the front door, surprised to see her brother-in-law on the other side. "Since your ringing the bell, I have to guess what Kirsten told me is true."

Sandy stepped inside and gave Hailey a nonchalant hug. "It's nice to see you too Hailey."

"For a second, I thought Kirsten really lost her mind. I mean, no one would ever believe that you two were having problems deep enough for you to move out."

That statement told Sandy a lot. Hailey had no idea what Kirsten did. "I'm sorry about your father." Sandy said trying to change the subject.

"What hell is going on with you two?" This was tough for Hailey to digest. Just a year ago, Hailey sat in this house telling her sister how sickening her sweet and loving marriage was.

Sandy knew Hailey wouldn't let him off the hook that easily. Little did she know, that the truth would destruct her relationship with her sister. Sandy took the safe route. "What did Kirsten tell you?"

Hailey rolled her eyes, knowing what Sandy was doing. "Just that it's a long story and that you moved out."

"Well that's all your going to get!" Sandy exclaimed.

Sandy, Kirsten and Hailey drove to the funeral home in complete silence. There was really nothing to say other than the obvious. None of them could believe that they were all headed over to Caleb's funeral service.

Hailey didn't understand the cause and effect to what was going on between those two. If they were having problems, why was Sandy driving them? If Sandy was not living in his home with his family, why was he holding her sister's hand? If they were physically separated from each other, why were they acting as if there was no distance between them now? When they were deep in love, she didn't understand their happiness and when they were having problems, she still didn't understand their relationship.

When they arrived at the funeral home, Sandy got out of the car and hurried around to open the door for his wife. He handed the keys to the valet with one hand as the other found the small of her back, just to offer her some support. Before they headed into the designated room, Kirsten stopped in her tracks.

Sandy stopped with her and spoke ever so softly. "Are you okay?"

"I just need a minute." She was so scared, but extremely grateful that Sandy was there. She looked at him, hoping his stare would give her the strength she needed. "I know you were worried about me and I thank you for that. I'm sorry for scaring you with my drinking."

Sandy didn't want her to worry about him right now. What she said earlier rang true. He didn't need to be her first priority, especially now. "Don't worry about that right now."

"Thank you for being here."

Sandy suddenly felt guilty about the conversation he had with Paul last night. Once again, he felt that weight pushing down on his shoulders. "I'm not going anywhere." He knew that wasn't entirely true. He wasn't going to leave her side today, but he truly didn't know what the future held.

Sandy guided her in the room and watched as Hailey cried over the casket. Kirsten knew Hailey would be dealing with the emotion of guilt more than sorrow. Sandy stayed back until Kirsten was ready to go up and pay her respects to her father. She slowly walked forward, dragging her feet along the thick brocade carpet, dreading the inevitable.

Once she reached her destination, she couldn't believe she was there. Her father's life flashed through her mind in the matter of seconds. The father he was when she was a little girl, always supportive and always proud. The father he was when she was an adolescent, always scolding and never home. The father he was when she was a young adult, always disappointed and never outwardly proud. The father he was as an adult, always a friend and always interfering.

She couldn't hold it together and all it took was Sandy's hand soothingly rubbing her back for her to completely break down. She turned into Sandy's chest, sobbing uncontrollably as he whispered encouraging words to her.

After pulling herself together, she put on her masked Newpsie face and greeted what felt like a million guests. She responded to their "sorrys" with polite "thank yous" and she smiled in all the appropriate places. Whenever she was thirsty, Sandy was there with a cup of water and whenever she grew tired of standing, Sandy ushered her to a nearby chair. She was reminded over and over again of how much she needs him.

Once again they were standing in the front of the room as Sandy leaned over and whispered into her ear. "It's almost over. It won't be long until your home and..." His words were brought to an abrupt halt. Kirsten looked up and noticed Sandy's eyes were intensely focused toward the back of the room. Kirsten followed his eyes and her stomach did somersaults as she realized what held Sandy's attention. She immediately reached for his hand but as her skin grazed his, she felt his hand tightly clenched into a fist. She knew he was fuming inside.

She rubbed it soothingly, helping him relax. She wanted him to know she wasn't leaving his side. As soon as his hand opened, she slipped her smaller one inside, marveled at the way it just fit.

Sandy couldn't believe his eyes. He couldn't believe that he was staring at his worst fucking nightmare. All the anger that took a year to dissipate returned in an instant. That anger took over his body and he couldn't stop the grinding of his teeth, the shaking of his hands and the tensing of muscles in his shoulders.

_Jimmy Cooper! How dare he just show up?_

Kirsten didn't know what to do so she remained still, squeezing Sandy's hand, hoping he was getting the message that she needed him at that moment. She needed him to be strong for her. She needed him not to cause a scene.

As Jimmy shook hands with some people in the back of the room, Sandy couldn't tears his eyes away from him. He remembered back to the day he started to hate Jimmy. He watched him the same exact way as he was right now.

_It was one of many parties that they attend at Caleb's mansion when they started dating. Kirsten loved bringing Sandy to these things because it made the time pass and Sandy had this ability to keep a smile on her face the entire evening. Sandy, on the other hand, dreaded going, but would do anything for Kirsten._

_He heard earlier that evening from Kirsten's mother that Jimmy was home from USC and would be attending the party as well. The whole night his eyes searched the entrance to the mansion, waiting for this Jimmy to arrive. Kirsten told him that they used to date and that it was pretty serious, but she always reassured him he was her past. _

_Sandy knew he would never like anyone Kirsten ever dated, but the fact that he was from Newport and part of her old life, struck a nerve with him. He also hated the fact that he was Kirsten's only other sexual partner. He didn't view that as a flaw. Quite the opposite actually. He loved that she was so pure in that sense. He just hated that she shared that special intimacy with him. He couldn't stand the type of people Kirsten had been around her whole life, but he loved that she was able to see beyond that._

_While they were dancing, arms wrapped around each other, Sandy saw a guy Kirsten's age enter the party. It had to be him. He was everything he expected, which perturbed him a little bit. How could Kirsten be attracted to a guy like him and love a guy like me? _

_Kirsten felt his attention being focused somewhere else. She followed his gaze and saw that he was staring at Jimmy. Kirsten's stare remained a little bit longer than she wanted it to, but she couldn't help it. She hadn't seen Jimmy since that fateful morning at the diner when she broke up with him and shattered their plans, dreams and future together. She knew it was something she had to do._

_Her eyes made their way back to Sandy and he was now staring at her, staring at him. "That's Jimmy." She simply said. _

_He watched as Jimmy shook hands with highly influential members of the community, which made Sandy frown. He knew he would never be accepted into this community in that manner. When Sandy didn't make a comment, Kirsten tried to make a sarcastic joke. "You were right. This isn't going to be awkward at all."_

_Sandy smiled, but still remained quiet. Kirsten could tell he had something on his mind. "What are you thinking about?" She asked, but wanted to reassure him physically that Jimmy being there had no affect on her. She slowly leaned him to kiss him, but stopped within an inch of his lips. She smiled lazily, waiting for him to come to her. When he did, she kissed him back immediately, loving how they teased each other and played these games. When they pulled apart, she asked again. "Tell me?"_

"It's just..." His gaze found Jimmy again, knowing that he could size him and everything about him up in the matter of watching him for a few mere minutes. He could tell he was a typical Newport, spoiled, rich, brat that never had to work for anything hard in his entire life. "...I don't get how you could be attracted to two more different people."

_"What do you mean?" She asked, wanting him to explain._

_"He's so different than me. I can tell just by looking at him, the way he carries himself, the cocky smile, even the way he dresses. Even in appearances, we are the complete opposite."_

_"Well, that might be true, but you, Sandy Cohen are completely irresistible. I just couldn't help myself." She said as she playfully fixed his tie._

_He laughed and she could tell that needed more so she spoke again. "Jimmy and I were what everyone wanted and expected of me. That was a big turn off. When I met you, I felt something inside that I just can't even begin to explain. You summed it up when you said that it just felt right. That is the best explanation that I can offer."_

_Sandy knew she was being honest and sincere. "Well, that's all I need."_

Jimmy slowly but surely was making his way to the front of the room. Sandy tried not to stare, but anger was trumping politeness. He got closer and Sandy wanted to wipe that smug look off his face. He hated that everyone in this town thought of him as their golden boy. He got closer and shook another hand before coming face to face with Hailey.

Hailey. If she only knew what he had done. If she only knew that he was exchanging saliva with both Nichol sisters at the same. Those thoughts turned Sandy's stomach.

He felt Kirsten squeeze his hand, but it didn't offer any type of comfort. He knew she wanted him to face her, but he couldn't. He wanted to, but his eyes couldn't stray from the man he honestly thought he could kill.

Then he heard Hailey's voice full of delight. "Oh my God, Jimmy. You came." This made him more sick.

"I wanted to pay my respects and be there for you and Kirsten." He said with a smile on his face.

_Be there for Kirsten?_

_Pay your respects?_

He couldn't believe this guy. Sandy was in such a zone that he had no idea what was really going on around him. If he did. he would have seen Ryan take a few steps closer to the only father he really had ever know. Ryan could see the raw determination in Sandy's eyes. It almost scared him.

Jimmy took another step closer to Kirsten and away from Hailey. Kirsten didn't know what to do. She wanted to run out of there, but that would cause too much of a scene. She wanted to show Sandy the respect he deserved, but it was almost impossible. She did nothing but bow her head and stare at the carpet. It was the only thing she could think of. She didn't want to face Jimmy, especially with Sandy analyzing their every move.

Hailey watched, not really understanding her sister's actions. "Kiks?" She questioned.

Before she could respond, she heard Sandy's voice in the deepest tone he could project. "I thought I told you to stay away from my wife."

That was all Hailey needed to hear to understand the true reason behind the problems that plagued her sister's marriage. Sandy held his gaze, not backing down. Kirsten's eyes remained glued to the floor, but her grip on Sandy's hand was tighter.

Jimmy couldn't face his former friend. His eyes were darting all over the place. "Come on, Sandy. This is an extreme circumstance. I don't want any trouble."

Sandy could never understand how Kirsten could be attracted to such a coward. "I can't be in the same room as you and act like a civil human being. Get out of here now!" Sandy said venomously, but in hushed volume.

"That's your problem Sandy." He said coldly. "I'm trying to do the right thing. Caleb is part of many of my childhood memories and..."

"Jimmy, please?" It was the first words that Kirsten spoke, but her eyes still remained away from all the drama. She was begging him to leave and grant Sandy that one single wish.

Sandy couldn't take it anymore. Kirsten felt him let go of her hand and Ryan saw his fists clench. He stepped in immediately.

"Don't waste your time Sandy." Ryan said, pretty much making Sandy focus on him instead. "Let's get some air.

With Sandy out of the room, Jimmy slowly approached Kirsten. He waited for her to look up but she couldn't. Just because Sandy was out of the room didn't mean it was okay to embrace Jimmy. Jimmy hugged her anyway and Kirsten's arms remained limp and to her sides.

"I'm sorry Kirsten." When she didn't say anything back, he continued. "For your father and for everything." Not until then did Jimmy fully understand how their previous actions nearly destroyed her life.

Kristen was now the one watching the back door, waiting for Sandy to come back inside. He never did and that scared her to death. It definitely took some time, but they were finally getting somewhere, but the past couple of days set them back. Her drinking and her bad attitude combined with Jimmy showing up did not bode well for Sandy and their relationship.

The next morning she woke up with the same question playing on her mind from the previous night. Would Sandy be there today? She needed him to be there and not question everything they worked so hard on rebuilding.

Sandy knew he was a man that always went by his instincts so that was exactly what he was going to do today. He was livid that Jimmy showed up, but he knew that it wasn't Kirsten's fault. She didn't need the stress of him not keeping his cool. Sandy prided himself on the fact that he could always fight with his mind and not his fists. Hell, he has been trying to teach Ryan that for the past year and a half.

Today was the second day of three days of hell they were about to face. He knew that Kirsten needed him and he wasn't going to bail on her now. He was more of a man than that. So he headed back to his home for a second day of paying their respects to Caleb.

Kirsten wasn't sure how today was going to play out, but her mind was eased when she saw Sandy come through the front door. She thanked God for the millionth time that he was a part of her life.

It was his nature to joke. "This is a first!" He said as he came down the foyer steps and headed to the living room.

"What is?"

"You being ready before it is actually time to leave."

"Ah, you know me so well. Actually, I was waiting for you."

"You were?"

"Yes, I was." She said, moving closer to him, wishing she were comfortable enough to wrap her arms around him. "I wasn't sure after yesterday if you were going to be around today."

"Kirsten, I wouldn't leave you alone during such a difficult time. No matter what happens between us, I want you to know that."

That one statement scared Kirsten to death. Sandy was now unsure of what was going to happen between them? She could kill Jimmy for putting doubts in his mind. She had to address this immediately. "Sandy, I'm sorry about yesterday. I had no idea that he was planning on showing up. I just want you to know I never asked him to come."

Sandy looked at her with sad eyes. She knew exactly what he was thinking. "Okay." That was all he could muster. "It doesn't make it any easier to take though."

"I haven't spoken to him since that day you spoke to him on the phone. I need you to believe that Sandy."

"I believe you."

"Then why are you starting to doubt us again?"

The doorbell interrupted them and Kirsten reluctantly went to get it. She wanted Sandy to answer her, but deep down she knew it wasn't the time. If it weren't the doorbell, it would have been Hailey or the boys.

When she swung the door opened, she wished it were her sister or her sons. "Jimmy? What are you doing here?" She asked, hating the fact that Sandy had to witness this again.

"I'm sorry to just pop by, but I needed to find out what the hell happened yesterday." She knew he was referring to her behavior and she really didn't want to lie about it. She was sick of lying.

Well aware that Sandy was watching her every move, she was afraid to invite him inside. "Jimmy, you shouldn't be here."

"What? Now I'm not even welcome in your home?" He asked incredulously.

"No, it's just..." She struggled with what to say.

Sandy couldn't take it anymore. "No, you're not!" Sandy said a little bit loud, scolding himself for feeling the sense of his control slipping away.

Jimmy peered over Kirsten's shoulder and couldn't believe Sandy was standing there. He hated what he did to his friend and knew Sandy was not the type of person to ever forgive him. He also hated that after Kirsten disclosed everything to him, it wasn't enough to bring down their marriage. He didn't want Kirsten to be unhappy, but he still hated that their marriage was this strong. "I never knew Kirsten to need someone to speak up for her."

"Maybe you never really knew Kirsten."

Jimmy smirked, knowing he knew more of her than Sandy could even handle thinking about. Once his lips curved into an upward smile, Sandy wanted to punch him with all his might. He took a step forward and Kirsten recognized this.

She walked toward him and cupped his face to gain his full attention. "Sandy, please? Don't do this!"

"Kirsten, I just came here to figure out after all our years of friendship, you could ignore me yesterday." Jimmy said to Sandy's face and Kirsten's back. "Deep down, you know you could never ignore me."

Sandy was fuming, but kept his stare on Kirsten. He wanted to see how she was going to handle this. Her next move was going to define everything that their future held. "Jimmy, don't do this. I'm asking you not to make this situation any harder than it has to be."

Sandy couldn't believe she didn't tell him to leave. He couldn't believe that she wouldn't outwardly tell Jimmy that she chose him, her husband. Then he heard her say something that made him realize that Jimmy Cooper would never truly be out of her life. "We're all adults here and I would like to think we would all be at least civil to each other."

Jimmy smirked again, knowing he was putting Kirsten in an uncomfortable position, but glad she wasn't ushering him out.

Sandy could feel the tears threatening to spill over. "I want him to leave Kirsten." He said practically begging her to do the right thing.

"Sandy, he's just trying..." She started to defend him.

"You know what? I'm going to leave." Sandy hated what her words and actions meant.

"Sandy, don't!" She held his am, pleading with him.

"Kirsten, I'll go." Jimmy said. "I'll always do what you want." Jimmy said stepping back out the door.

Kirsten watched him go, not caring. She turned back to Sandy. "I'm sorry. I really am."

"No, you're not." He spat. "How can you defend him? How can you not throw him out?" He asked, hoping she was going to have a magical answer to make everything okay.

"I don't know." She said putting her head down. "He wasn't going to try anything. That part of our lives is over." She said, her defensive wall going up.

"I don't care!" He yelled at her. He hated raising his voice, especially to his Kirsten. "I just wanted you to do the right thing. The right thing for us."

She knew she screwed up, but between the death of her father and the stress of her marriage, she was barely holding it together. "I can't do this right now Sandy. I can't. I'm sorry. I can't worry about you right now." She looked at her watch, noting the time. "We can do this later. We can argue and fight and make up later. We have to leave in a few minutes and to be honest, I can't put this on my plate right now."

Sandy once again swallowed his pride and spent the entire day by Kirsten's side. The wake dragged on, but Sandy's thought were plagued with what he was going to do. The job at Berkeley was something that was looking better and better, the more he thought about it. Kirsten's behavior today pretty much sealed the deal.

Maybe they were not supposed to work all of this out. Maybe it was better to go their separate way. Sandy knew that life had a way of coming back around. If they were meant to be, then he had to let fate take over and hope for the best.

Kirsten noticed he was deep in thought and flashed a sympathetic smile at him. She hated what happened earlier, but truly didn't know what to do. She didn't want to throw Jimmy out of her house. He was her oldest friend, but Sandy was her husband. She wished she had done exactly what Sandy wanted. She just froze, not able to process everything so quickly.

Sandy saw her smile and that was the one thing that drove him crazy. How was he supposed to leave her behind?

After they went home and Kirsten retired to bed due to exhaustion, Sandy found his way into the living room, desperately wanting to talk to his boys. He would never make a life altering decision without their consent.

"Long day, huh?"

"That's one way to put it." Seth said.

Ryan paused their video game, realizing when Sandy sat down, that he came in the room for a serious talk. "What's going on Sandy?"

Sandy smiled, loving how Ryan was able to read all of them. "Just like my own son." His face grew serious and he stared at both boys, knowing he had their full attention. "I wanted to discuss something with you both and I expect you to be completely honest with me."

When they both nodded, he continued. "I didn't go to New York a few weeks ago."

"I knew it!" Seth exclaimed. "You went to Palm Springs right?"

Sandy now knew Seth was onto them. It broke his heart that he was actually excited about the prospect of reuniting as a family. It broke his heart that he was about to crush his dream.

"Actually no. I went to Berkeley." That wasn't a lie.

Ryan's face fell and murmured "Oh."

"Yeah, it was a lot of fun and I got to see some friends I hadn't seen in a very long time."

Seth was disappointed and was growing anxious of what Sandy had to tell them. "Don't beat around the bush Dad. What happened in Berkeley?"

"Well that is what I wanted to talk to you both about. I ran into my old friend Paul and shockingly enough, he offered me a job as a professor at the college." He waited for the information to sink in. "The position is for the fall semester and to be honest, I am seriously thinking of taking it."

"You're moving to Berkeley?" Ryan asked in disbelief, as Seth stayed quiet, rendered speechless.

"Well, like I said. I'm thinking about it. It wouldn't be until the fall and both of you will be off at college. Seth, with you on the east coast and Ryan possibly going to Berkeley anyway, it seems like it would be a good fit."

"What about Mom?" Seth found his voice, although it was low.

Sandy wanted to be as honest as he could be without disrespecting Kirsten. "Your mother knows about the offer, but I really was up in the air about it. I wanted to talk to you guys first before I made any definite decisions."

Sandy waited for either of them to speak. He wanted to give them time to process. "Do you think Mom will be okay?" Seth spoke again.

Sandy bowed his head, wondering the same thing. "Your mother and I have been living separate lives anyway. She is a strong woman and I think this move might be what we all need."

"Really?" Ryan wasn't so sure about that. "Do you think Kirsten wants you to move that far away? Do you think she wants you to start a whole new life without her?"

Sandy knew Ryan would defend Kirsten. He always felt the need to save the underdog. "Kirsten will always be in my life, so I don't want you to take my moving away as a sign that we are no longer a family. That couldn't be further from the truth. Okay?"

He was asking the boys to support him. He was asking for their permission to go, if he did decide to take this job. Sandy felt a surge of relief when they both nodded their heads, loving how mature they both were.

The next day was very somber for the entire clan as they watched Caleb's body lowered into the ground forever. Kirsten was a mess, the boys were in shock, Hailey's guilt reared its ugly head and Sandy was aggravated that Jimmy was still there.

Back at the Cohen house, all the mourners flocked for some food and a lot to drink. Sandy took care of hiring the caterers, wait staff, bartenders and everything else that went along with having one of these things.

Sandy knew he had four more days to make up his mind before he had to call Paul with a final decision. He was glad the boys were so accepting of this life altering move, but figured that with them going off to college, it wasn't going to make a huge difference in their own lives.

He spent the entire day watching Kirsten and thinking about how this decision is going to affect her. As much as he would love to dream of them reliving their Berkeley days, he was a realist. There was no way she would agree to move back there. He didn't expect her to uproot her entire life for him. Besides, the whole point was for them to get some breathing room and some space from each other.

He couldn't believe just a few days ago he was going to move home. Too many things changed his mind over such a short amount of time. She drank and said horrible things, plus Jimmy's return combined with the fact that she practically defended him was too much for him to take.

He watched as she drank glass after glass of wine and was horrified when she switched to straight vodka. He knew that was a very bad sign, when her nastiness came out.

He tried speaking to her as gently as possible, but she was past listening to him. He didn't her to embarrass herself or regret something in the morning. "Kirsten, honey let me help you. Let's get you to bed."

"I'm fine Sandy. Please just let me be." She begged.

He knew it was best to do as he was told. He watched from afar as she became inebriated. He watched as she spoke with the other drunken Newpsies. He watched as she spoke to Julie and Hailey, shaking them off when they expressed concern.

Then he watched as Jimmy approached. He watched her smile at him, making him sick. He knew she was drunk and not thinking straight, but she was in this state a few times right before jumping in the sack with him. His feet felt like heavy cement, not wanting to interrupt. He was too curious to see what was going to happen, how they both were going to handle this.

He watched as she practically tripped over her own feet. He watched, as Jimmy was the one there to catch her. He watched as she gave him another smile to thank him. He watched as she walked away from him.

_Thank God!_

Later, he couldn't help but keep watching. He watched as she tripped again and miraculously Jimmy was there again. Was this guy ever going to be out of their lives for good? He started to make his way over to her and became increasingly worried as Kirsten ripped her arm out of his grasp.

He forcefully pushed Jimmy's hands off his wife and held her up by himself. "I got her, Jimmy." He said forcefully.

"Yeah, we'll I had her all night. Where the hell have you been?"

"That's none of your business. Nothing about Kirsten and I is any of your concern. Just stay the hell out of our lives." He said under his breath as he ushered his wife away from her former lover.

Kirsten didn't remember much when she woke up the next morning. She knew she drank too much when she felt her heading pounding. She had an image of Jimmy and Sandy tugging on her arm, but she wasn't sure if that was real or not. She thought the images were being blurred in her mind from earlier when they exchanged words in the foyer.

A week went by and Kirsten felt like Sandy was acting very distant. Distant in the sense that he barely called, he barely spoke when she called, they had not shared one intimate moment since the funeral and she truly missed him. The house was so quiet. No interruptions from her father and she wasn't stupid though. She knew Jimmy's return shook him hard and he couldn't handle it. She tried to prove to him that he was all she needed, but it still wasn't enough.

During the week, Sandy called Paul and told him he needed one more week to decide. Paul told him that he would love to have him and granted him the time, but really couldn't go beyond another week. He understood and wished that some sort of sign would come his way.

While strolling down the pier, he felt as if that sign slapped him right in his face.

Jimmy!

What was he still doing in Newport?

Why wasn't he back in Hawaii?

Why hadn't he known that he was staying?

Did Kirsten know?

His anger began to build again, feeling like the only person that didn't know pertinent information. Just like their affair. He spent the entire day doing research at the office, but his mind kept drifting back to Jimmy. He tried to focus, but he needed some answers. He decided to do some research of his own.

In almost a panic, he started making calls. First to Julie, playing it off like it didn't matter but wanting to know if Jimmy was staying with her. She told him that he was staying at a hotel, but wasn't sure which one. He immediately got online and started call hotel after hotel feeling this greater need to find him. He didn't even understand it himself. Once he found him, what was he going to do? He honestly didn't know.

Then he found him. James Cooper staying at The Playa Del Ray right on the outskirts of town. None of this made sense. He kept asking himself if Kirsten knew where he was. His mind drifted further into a dark abyss of negativity. Had she been to The Playa Del Ray? His trust issues were really being tested now.

He didn't know what overcame him, but he was a man on a mission. Sandy Cohen never backed down until he got all the answers. Confrontation was what made him a great lawyer. In this case, Jimmy had the answers to all the questions plaguing his mind.

He arrived with a million questions, but yet his mind was blank as he almost turned away, changing his mind. He knocked once waiting for him to answer. Sandy was growing impatient. He knocked again. He has to be here. _I spent the last hour finding him_, he thought.

Finally the door swung over, and staring at him was the face he wanted to crack. Sandy could see the fear in Jimmy's eyes and that made him feel good. It made him feel like he had the upper hand. "Sandy, what are you doing here?"

Sandy stepped inside, not caring if he was invited in or not. Besides, Jimmy's put his private parts were inside his wife and Sandy certainly did invite him to do that. "I was going to ask you the same question."

"I had to stay somewhere and clearly I couldn't ask you guys."

"In Newport?" Sandy asked, not taking kindly to the fact that he was trying to joke around like there was nothing wrong between them.

"Huh?"

"Why haven't you left yet?" Sandy was slowly losing his patience.

"I'm not going back Sandy." He felt bad when he saw the look on Sandy's face, but there was no sense in lying to him. "I'm planning on staying in Newport. I'm looking for a home."

Sandy was defeated. There was no way he would be able to coexist in this town with his worst nightmare. He didn't need to ask why he was staying. He knew his daughters lived here, but figured there was more to it. "Does Kirsten know?"

"I guess you haven't spoken to her in awhile." Jimmy said again with a smirk.

Sandy kept telling himself to remain calm. Had _he_ spoken to Kirsten? "We have, we just have better things to talk about."

"I'm sorry Sandy."

"Save it! I didn't want to hear your apologies nine months ago, and I don't want to hear them now."

"I'm sorry I pretended to be your friend, when all I wanted to do was get closer to your wife." Jimmy knew it was time for the entire truth.

Sandy's anger returned with a vengeance. "If you have something to get off your chest, then say it to my face." Sandy couldn't believe he was urging these words out of his mouth.

"I'm not sorry for all the times we betrayed you. I'm not. I treasure every single moment I've ever had with her. From the night we lost our virginity to each other to the very last time we kissed a year ago, it has always been special to me."

Sandy couldn't help but move his body closer to Jimmy's as he spoke words that broke his heart right in half. "Stop it." He yelled.

"She and I will always have something. It will never end. It will never falter. You were just a side step in our relationship."

"She's my wife. She chose me. She had my child not your's."

"It doesn't matter, Sandy. When are you going to get that?" Jimmy said backing up a step, afraid to what was going to happen next, but the words kept flowing out of his mouth.

"She didn't marry you!" Sandy yelled at the top of his lungs, pretty much on top of him now.

Jimmy gave Sandy that smirk one last time. "No." He knew it got to him. "But for some reason Sandy, she still wanted to fuck me."

Sandy didn't feel his hand clench into a fist. He didn't feel his arm lift and pull back. All he felt was his frustration being released as his knuckles connected with Jimmy's jaw. Pain never felt so good.

"She never loved you!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. Jimmy feel back a little and his back hit the wall. Sandy's anger was still brewing as he pulled him by the collar to stand up straight. "She never wanted to build a life with you!" He yelled again as another fist connected with Jimmy's cheekbone.

Sandy knew he had to gain some sense of control. He honestly felt like he could kill him and that was not the true man that he was. "I'll say it again. Stay away from my wife!"

Jimmy slumped against the wall and watching Sandy turn away from him and walk out the door. Once outside, Sandy took a deep breath, as he looked at his bruise fingers. It had been a long time since he was in a fight because that was not the man he was anymore. Jimmy seriously brought out the worst in him.

As Sandy drove home, his mind was occupied with thoughts of Berkeley and how that offer seemed to come at a perfect time. He knew he and Jimmy could never live in Newport together. It all came back to his trust issues. He knew deep down that he couldn't trust Kirsten when Jimmy would be in close proximity.

She told him a million times over the past year that she would never hurt him again, but those words were spoken while Jimmy was miles away. In his opinion, it was easy not to hurt him when the temptation was nowhere in sight. Jimmy moving back here helped him determine what his future held. It wasn't going to be easy to say goodbye to Kirsten, but with the boys accepting his decision, it made it easier to make that phone call.

When he arrived back to his apartment, he still felt the need to calm down and let some of his anger go. He headed down to the beach knowing that was the place that he did his best thinking.

_"What are you doing down here?" She asked, finally finding him after he wandered off from their apartment. She knelt down next to him, meeting him at eye level._

_He slowly put his arm over her shoulder, pulling her close. "Just trying to figure some things out." He spread his legs to welcome her to sit between them, wrapping his arms around her from behind. "I do my best thinking here."_

_"What's on your mind?" She asked, staring at the white foam that resulted from waves crashing. Suddenly she pulled out of his embrace, twisting her body half way around so she could search his eyes. "You're not having second thoughts, are you?" She was afraid of his answer._

_"Never." He said with a smile, leaning in for a kiss just to reassure her. He thought for a moment more before he spoke. "Do you think I'm an independent person?"_

_She settled back into his arms. "Of course I do. You left home at sixteen and here you are in law school at Berkeley. I would certainly call that independent. Why?"_

_"So you can understand that it kills me to ask people for help?"_

_She laughed lightly. "That I'll never understand. I would like to think that you need me in some way and are a little bit dependent." She phrased it like a question._

_"Kirsten, I need you like I need air." He said nestling his face into her neck, loving her scent._

_"Then what's all this about?"_

_He took a deep breath, wondering how she was going to react. "I found a great house today. Everything about it was perfect, but it is out of our price range. I keep telling myself that if I work harder and save some more, we can have enough for a down payment and afford the mortgage."_

_"But..." She said knowing there was more to it._

_"But, by the time that happens the house is going to be gone."_

_"Well, there will be other houses then. This one was just not ours." She said, not expecting anything more from this conversation._

_"I think I'm going to ask your father for a loan." He blurted out._

_She spun around quickly to get a good look at his face. She could always read him and she wondered at that moment if he was making a bad joke. "What?"_

"I see us there. I see our children running around in the backyard and you painting in the window. As much as it is going to kill me to go to your father, I honestly think he will not have a problem with it. I mean, we're getting married and ultimately this will benefit you too. I will kill myself to pay him back, so I never owe him anything. I will make that clear, but I want this house to be ours. We can start a family there and build our lives there. I see our entire future in it."

_She loved this man so much. "Well then, I can't wait to see it." She spun around in his arms and kissed him passionately. She pushed him back on the sand and lay on top of him. "I love you."_

_"I love you too, Kirsten."_

As he walked along this familiar stretch of beach, he pulled out his cell phone and called Paul Glass. In one phone call, his life was forever going to be changed. He had accepted the job and would be moving back to Berkeley in just a few months.

He thought about Kirsten and knew he had to tell her as soon as he could. He knew it was going to break her heart, but he hoped that fate would be in his corner and one day, whether it is a year from now or a decade from now, they would eventually find their way back to each other.

He honestly didn't know if he could live without her, but he knew he couldn't live with her and Jimmy in Newport. He had to do what was right for himself for once.

The following evening Sandy drove to their house to talk to Kirsten. He was mentally preparing himself for the draining conversation that was ahead of him. He knew this was going to be tough, but he truly hoped she would understand. A part of him even wished she would want to come with him. He doubted it.

He had an answer for every question she might ask. He played over this upcoming conversation in his head a million times. As he pulled into their hilly driveway, all his thoughts vanished as he spotted Jimmy's car parked opposite the front door.

A million scenarios flashed in his mind. His lips kissing her, his hands touching her, his groin pushed up against her.

What was he doing there?

He could hear her moan his name with a slurred pleasure.

Did she invite him?

He put his car in park, debating whether to go in his own house. What was he going to find out behind those closed doors? He always thought of fate as a magical thing, but now the fate of their entire future would be determined by Kirsten's behavior behind this door.

He knew if he turned away he would regret it. He opened the car door and stepped out. He knew that not knowing would always be worse. He climbed up the three steps. He held his breath, trying to minimize the sound outside to hear something inside.

He knew the door would be unlocked and slowly used the handle to push it open. He barely remembered taking those few steps inside, but he was conscious enough not to let the door slam. Then he heard their voices and rather than moans of pleasure, they were in the kitchen having a conversation.

Sandy released a breath he didn't even realize he was holding. At this point, he was so glad they weren't having a mid-day screw.

"Can you believe what he did?" He heard Jimmy say. He forgot that Kirsten had no idea what happened and was now only hearing Jimmy's side of the story. "Kirsten?"

"There has to be more than what you are telling me. I know Sandy. He wouldn't just attack you for no reason." Kirsten defended.

Sandy was glued to his spot.

"What part of this don't you get? He's the one that doesn't get it! He doesn't get us." Jimmy said moving closer to her.

Sandy didn't make a move. He wanted to rush into that kitchen and somehow explain his actions to Kirsten, but he didn't. He needed to hear how this was going to play out.

"Us?" She asked.

"Yeah." He said softly. He moved even closer and Kirsten took a step further back, her back almost hitting the counter. "There could be an us, you know?" He was putting the obvious out there.

"What?" She asked softly, not wanting to hurt his feeling if he was serious. "Is that what you think?"

Sandy could tell that she was seriously questioning him. He could tell by the inflection in her voice. He didn't need to see her facial expression. He simply was able to tell what she was thinking, knowing she used that tine with him a million times before.

Jimmy figured he would put it all on the table right now. She and Sandy are at their worst. Now it was his time. "How can you deny it any longer, Kirsten?" He asked, again moving closer to her.

He placed his hands on her hips and suddenly she felt completely uncomfortable. "Jimmy..."

Sandy was intently listening, knowing this was his moment of truth. Then he heard everything he was ultimately hoping for. She said it low and with a touch of compassion and sorrow for Jimmy. "I love Sandy. I'm so sorry Jimmy. I didn't know this is where you thought all of our past was headed."

Sandy was annoyed that she actually felt bad for him, but a great part of him was relieved that she felt the way she did.

"So all that we've been through meant nothing?" He asked.

When she didn't answer immediately, Sandy knew she was struggling with what to say. This annoyed the shit out of him.

"I guess it just meant more to you." She said, looking down, clearly embarrassed of her actions once again.

"Kirsten, think about what you are telling me here." He pleaded. "Your marriage could never have been very strong if you kept sleeping with me. I must have meant something to you if you kept coming back for more."

"It wasn't like that Jimmy." She said, physically pushing him back, suddenly feeling like he was invading her personal space.

"Then what was it like?" He asked raising his voice, brushing his hand through his hair.

Sandy wanted to run in there and level Jimmy again for raising his voice to his wife, but knew to stay put. He needed to hear this.

"I don't know!" She yelled back. "But I never loved you Jimmy. I'm sorry if you thought there was more to it than there really was. Every single time we were together was a mistake in my eyes. I loved Sandy from the moment we met and that is something that cannot be replaced. All those times that I wanted to tell him, you were the one that convinced me not too. If I just listened to my head and my heart, we would not be standing here right now. I'm sorry I let you talk me into multiple situations, but I'm truly sorry that I led you to believe in something that never existed in the first place."

Sandy knew this conversation was coming to an end. He needed to get out of there before he got caught eavesdropping.

As he let himself out quietly, he thought about what was next. Although Kirsten proved herself in this situation, he wished she didn't have so much remorse in her voice. He couldn't help the fact that it bothered him. Her words were exactly what he wanted to hear, but something didn't sit right with him.

He still had to inform her of his plans. They seemed so unimportant right now, but it was something that had to be done.

The next morning he called her office figuring the sooner he told her, the sooner this horrible feeling in his stomach would go away. He also wanted to see how she was going to handle the visit from Jimmy. Was she going to tell him what went on? After her claim of honesty, he would like to think so.

"Kirsten Cohen?" She answered once her secretary put him through.

He loved that she still used his surname. "Hey. It's me."

"Hi." Her voice suddenly perked up. "Where have you been lately?" She couldn't help, but ask.

"I've been busy, but I was wondering if we could meet today. There is something I want to talk to you about."

Instead of answering him, she just put her feelings out there. "I miss you so much Sandy."

He smiled, hating that statement. It was only going to make telling her about his move harder. "So, are you free for lunch?"

"Lunch in a restaurant or lunch at our house?" She asked, knowing which each one meant. "Just so you know, I'm free for either." She said seductively.

"In a restaurant." He replied, but couldn't help but followed up that comment. "If I didn't have important words to share, then I would say out the house. Definitely."

She smiled; thanking God he threw that comment in. Then she thought about the weight of his words. "Is everything okay?" She asked, suddenly worried.

"Yeah. How's one at the Yacht Club?"

Kirsten left her office early, rushing to get there. She didn't know if it was the anticipation of seeing him or what he wanted to talk about, but a part of her was extremely nervous. She sat at the table and waited for him to arrive, wishing she waited at her office than alone in a restaurant.

She saw him enter and immediately look for her. When their eyes met, they both shared smiles as he made his way over to her.

"You look good." She said getting up to kiss him. When he turned his cheek to dodge her lips, she put her head down as she sat.

"So do you. You always look good, but you should know that by now." He tried to joke.

"Thank you." She still turned a tinge of pink when he complimented her. "So what's the big news?" She couldn't help but ask, curiosity getting the best of her.

Sandy thought about what to say a million times, but other things invaded his mind. "Did you know Jimmy was moving back to Newport?" It wasn't supposed to come out that fast, but he needed to know that he could trust her. He needed to know that she was going to tell him the truth no matter what.

Kirsten didn't know where that came from, but knew that wasn't the reason Sandy asked her here. Jimmy mentioned it to her, but didn't want Sandy to get upset that they once again spoke. "Really?" She played dumb.

"You didn't know?" He fired back. He had to give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he didn't mention it to her since their conversation headed into a direction Jimmy wasn't expecting.

"No." She said hating that she was lying to him, but knowing he would never understand.

"So you haven't spoken to him?" Sandy asked, trying to trap her.

She didn't know what to do. She was so scared that she was going to say the wrong thing. Tears started to form in her eyes as her emotions took control. "I don't know what you want me to say Sandy."

He couldn't believe that she was trying to hide his visit from him. He couldn't understand why she still felt the need to lie when it came to Jimmy. "Not saying anything speaks volumes Kirsten."

Tears spilled down her face, her eyelids not strong enough to hold them back. "I always feel like I am going to hurt you every time we speak about him."

"Is there anything else you want to say?" He said giving her one more chance to tell him of Jimmy's visit and exactly what went on.

Kirsten searched her brain, wondering what he wanted to know. "I don't know what you're asking me Sandy."

"I can't believe you are doing it again. How am I ever going to trust you if you cant tell me the simplest of things?"

"What are you talking about?"

Sandy didn't feel the need to explain. Suddenly he just felt the urge to tell her what he came to tell her. "I'm moving to Berkeley. I accepted the professor position and start in the fall." The words just stumbled out and he immediately saw the hurt in her puffy eyes.

"What?"

He continued with the logistics. "I spoke to the boys and they seemed okay with my decision. They will be off at college anyway; it really won't affect them too much. I will be here for graduation and for most of the summer so we will have that time as well."

"Why?"

"It's a good opportunity, Kirsten. I need some sort of a change and it came at the right time."

She choked out her next words. "Why are you doing this?"

"Jimmy is staying and I cannot share a town with him. You of all people should understand that."

When she didn't say anything, he continued with the whole truth. "I was at the house yesterday Kirsten."

The weight of his words sunk in, fully understanding that she blew it. She should have told him everything. "I was afraid to tell you. I didn't want to jump to conclusions. Nothing happened Sandy. I swear it."

"I overheard most of the conversation. I know nothing happened." Sandy said trying to get past this. "Why couldn't you just tell me?"

"I already said that I was scared." She said raising her voice a bit. "Is that so hard for you to get?"

"It just makes it harder for me to trust you when you hide things from me."

"I'm sorry." She didn't know what else to say.

"I'm sorry too." He didn't know if he was apologizing for leaving or for a million other things, but he told her what he felt in his heart. "All this talk about me trusting you and it was really you who didn't trust me."

"What do you mean?" She asked, knowing that couldn't be further from the truth.

"If you trusted me, you would have told me that Jimmy came by to see you. You would have told me that he wanted something more than what you wanted. You should have just trusted that I would have handled it properly."

"So that's it?" She asked, still putting up a fight. "You are just going to leave." She needed to say something to make him say. "Sandy I love you so much."

He smiled at her words, knowing they were true. "Oh Kirsten, I love you too. That's what makes this so hard."

--

--

_**Please review if you have some time to spare! Please! Don't make me beg**_!


	26. Never Alone

_**I know! I know! This has taken way too long and as usual, I apologize. I screwed up my whole timeline so there is a little more to come. I love you guys for your reviews. It truly is the only reason why I continue on forward. **_

_**Twinkletoesnelly – This chapter does go how you hoped!**_

_**Tiffany – There might be three chapters left.**_

_**Bluetoffee – This chapter didn't end where I wanted it to because it got too long, so there will probably be two more chapters after this one.**_

_**Krabbypatty – I loved Caleb's nastiness in the show. Jimmy/Carter huh? Hope you like this chapter as much as the last.**_

_**Kandyfanz123 – Kirsten is trying to pick up her act in this chapter, but I agree. She doesn't deserve him sometimes.**_

_**Princesssparkle88 – Glad I got your heart pumping!**_

_**Panzie – Glad you like the push and pull of a love/hate relationship.**_

_**Slinn01 – Thanks. Sometimes I am out of words too. Hence the long gap between updates.**_

_**Jen – I sorry their relationship sucks right now!**_

_**Cohenwannabe – Glad you liked the fight.**_

_**4everkandy – Not sure what I am going to do next, but I'm sure I won't stay away long after this fic is completed.**_

_**Cheerleader2006 – I'm sorry this took so long.**_

_**Ella – I know a lot of you are hoping that she goes with him.**_

_**Jennyloveskandy – Just hang in there with me a little bit longer. **_

_**Megan – Definitely the wrong direction. Thanks for the quote!**_

_**Stripscrabble – Glad it was sad, but yet satisfying.**_

_**Nova – Thanks for the quote. I hope you don't find this chapter as sad.**_

_**Disneygirl829 – The line you quoted that Jimmy said to Sandy was one of my favorite to write. I need him to say something powerful enough for Sandy to actually pull trigger and punch him. Thanks for all the multiple quotes.**_

_**SexyEm – I'm glad you can understand why Sandy had to take the job. I was really hoping the reader would get that point.**_

On with it….

Time is a funny thing. Sometimes it goes by so fast and other times it drags on and on. Certain situations control the speed of which time passes. The same situation can be viewed differently affecting certain people certain ways.

Sandy felt as if time was flying by. His whole life was about to change because of his move to Berkeley and he wasn't really a hundred percent sure of his decision. Maybe that is why the month he was supposed to leave was approaching more rapidly with each passing day.

On the other hand, time for Kirsten was dragging on. She knew Sandy was leaving and all the anticipation of his departure was painful. She hated knowing the day was coming and there was nothing she could do about it. She almost wished he already left. She hated to wait, especially for the inevitable.

After getting over the initial shock of exchanging the words that spoke of love, things sort of declined from there. The loved each other and admitted it to one another, but now what? He was still leaving and she was still staying. He couldn't stay because of Jimmy and she couldn't go because the memories of her father that still lived in Newport.

So as time passed so did their anniversary and Valentine's Day. Both admitting that things we too complicated to celebrate such events, they just passed them by as if they didn't even exist.

Sandy brought it up first, not wanting Kirsten to think that those days didn't mean anything to him. That could be further from the truth. Although he was still leaving, he wanted to make the most of his time in Newport. He wanted to make the most of his time with her.

She looked at this from a completely different angle. She had officially given up on the fact that that she could convince him to stay. If he was leaving, then why avoid the inevitable of how badly it was going to hurt. She didn't want to spend her days loving him when he was just going to break her heart.

She explained this to him and he tried to understand, but deep down he didn't.

So as the weeks passed, so did their lives. Seth's success on his comic book landed him a scholarship to RISD. He wasn't sure about the school, but it still landed him on the East Coast and with Summer. Ryan decided on attending Berkeley, but he had a hard time telling Kirsten about his decision.

"So I've decided where I am going next year." He said quietly, almost embarrassed.

"Really?" Kirsten was just excited he was going to college; she didn't care where it was.

"I don't want you to get mad because my decision has nothing to do with you or Sandy, but I decided on attending Berkeley." Again, it came out in almost a whisper because he was scared to see what conclusions she was going to draw from this.

"Why would I be mad? I'm thrilled that you fell in love with that place just like we did."

Ryan hated being back into a corner. "I don't want you to think that I chose Berkeley because I chose Sandy."

Kirsten felt the tears forming, trying to grasp what Ryan was actually saying. Before she could get a hold of herself, Ryan continued.

"I am not going to Berkeley because I choose to live with Sandy. I don't want you to think that. I asked you a year ago to fight for us and you exceeded any expectations I had of that request. So I chose Berkeley simply because I loved it." So many words came out of Ryan's mouth that it even surprised him.

"Thanks Ryan. I'm very proud of you and I'm pretty sure Sandy is going to be thrilled."

"I'll always consider, wherever the three of you are, my home." H finished, encouraging those tears to spill over and drip down Kirsten's face.

So more time passed and Sandy had to start getting his life in some sort of working order. He had to start packing and find a place to live in Berkeley. He was looking forward to the actual job of being a law professor. He was passionate about it and hoped that he would find the students the same way.

Kirsten was the only one that was at a standstill. All her boys were leaving her behind and she was just trying to cope with that. Combine that with the loss of her father and she was barely keeping her head above water. She threw every bit of herself into The Newport Group, taking over all of her father's day-to-day responsibilities.

After fielding a ton of calls and placating the minds of worried investors, she placed her head in her hands, trying rub away the oncoming headache. That was how Sandy found her some time in late May.

"I was going to ask if now was a bad time, but I can already see that it is." He said, leaning on the frame of her door. She looked exhausted and run down. The last time he remembered seeing her this way was when her mother was sick. She still looked beautiful though. She would always be beautiful to him.

"Hi. What brings you here?" She asked, not keeping the surprise out of her voice. It was rare that the made visits like this anymore.

After Sandy decided to move, they both decided not to see much of each other anymore. Sure, they did the family dinners and spent time together with the boys, but they rarely spent any time alone together.

He missed her sexually, but also emotionally. Unfortunately that weight that he carried for so long returned and sat heavily on his shoulders. He couldn't help but wonder if what Kirsten did was the pressure he was constantly feeling or if a future without Kirsten was the cause. It didn't matter because he was leaving and swore to leave it up to the fateful Gods.

She missed him on multiple levels. Emotionally a life without Sandy was not a life she was looking forward to. Sexually, she wondered how she could ever sleep with Jimmy when he made her toes curl every time they were together. It didn't matter though. He was leaving and she had to just deal with the fact that that was a choice he made.

"Are you okay?" He asked, knowing she wasn't.

She waved her hands dismissively and got up from her chair to make her way over to him. "I'm fine." She smiled weakly. "But I could really use a hug right now." She knew it was a request she had no right to make, but she didn't care. Her life was really falling apart right now.

"That I can do." He said with a reassuring smile. He held his arms open and she immediately collapsed into them.

"I can't believe you're leaving in a few short months."

"Me either, but as hard as it is going to be, I am looking forward to the job."

She gripped him a little tighter as she spoke, never wanting to let him go. "You are going to be great." She pulled back from him, showing sincerity in her eyes.

His smile faded and his face took on a serious look. "I'm afraid I'm not here just to say hello. I need to discuss something with you and I know it is going to upset you."

"Well, that's not what I want to hear!" She said jokingly, trying to put off what was coming next.

"I need some money to get settled up in Berkeley."

Kirsten made a face knowing they had plenty of money, wondering where this conversation was going. "Okay." She said uneasily.

"I found a house up there that I am going to buy and I think we should divide up our savings account."

It hit Kirsten hard and fast. "You're buying a house?"

"Well, I signed a contract for two years and I really don't want to rent anything for that long."

Kirsten sat on the couch, which was closest to her. "I cannot believe we are having this conversation right now."

"I know, but I put it off for as long as I could. I'll leave your half in there and if you want to close it out, you can."

When Kirsten didn't say anything, he felt the need to speak again to ease her mind. "I know you always had your own set of money and I would never plan on touching that. Your father intended for that to be yours."

She looked up at him like he just told her the sky is red. "So I should be appreciative that you are not going to take advantage of the fact that you never signed a pre-nuptial agreement?"

"That's not what I meant." He started to fumble his words, feeling terrible that he was upsetting Kirsten even more. "Even though I am probably entitled to half of everything that is yours, I would never do that."

"Sandy, you are leading me to believe that you are starting to think about the 'D' word with talk of dividing assets."

"No, I'm not!" He said firmly. "If I was, we wouldn't be having this conversation."

"Well you're leaving, so maybe it is something we should consider."

"I don't want to consider it! I would like for you to trust me now like you trusted me back then when it came to our finances." He was referring to all the trouble that Caleb caused between them over pre-nuptial agreements.

_They had been engaged for a few months and Sandy couldn't believe how elaborate this wedding was going to be. He should have known. He was marrying into the richest family in Orange County. Sandy wasn't really comfortable with the amount of money this wedding was costing the Nichol family. He knew they could spare it, but it was just another thing that Caleb would hold over his head._

_They were in Newport for the weekend working on the wedding plans. Sandy's role was miniscule, just standing by Kirsten's side and being supportive. He knew this day was more about her than him, although he liked to think it was really about them becoming a family._

_It was rare, but the entire Nichol clan was present at dinner. _

_"Sandy, you should have seen Kirsten today. She looked magnificent." Rose, Kirsten's mother, said about Kirsten's dress fitting. "The gown fit her wonderfully."_

_"Of course she did." Caleb said without looking up. "She's a Nichol!" _

_Kirsten just rolled her eyes and placed her hand on top of Sandy's at the table. It was her silent apology for her father's arrogance._

_"I can't wait to see you walking down that aisle." Sandy beamed._

_"Kiki, are you sure you thought of everything in this whole wedding planning process?" Caleb said, his eyes focused on Sandy._

_Kirsten knew what her father was trying to do. "Yes, Dad. I cannot wait to marry Sandy."_

_"Caleb now's not the time for this!" Rose scolded._

_"Nonsense! Now's the perfect time." _

_Sandy thought this was about Kirsten's choice in a husband but Kirsten's mother knew it was something else, which made Sandy suspicious._

_"Dad, whatever this is about, you are not going to change my mind. When are you going to just accept the fact that this wedding is going to happen?"_

_"I'm not a fool Kirsten. I know you are a very determined young lady. I know you are going to marry Sanford. I get it. You love him for your own reasons." Caleb finally looked at Kirsten, trying to get her to understand. "I'm talking about your financial future."_

_Sandy was humiliated, but wasn't going to keep quiet. "Sir, I told you before I am going to break my back to make sure Kirsten has everything she ever need. I can provide for her and I can try and pay you back for what this wedding is costing you. Please, just give me some time." Sandy felt like he was begging, which he hated to do. It made him feel like less of a man._

_Caleb ignored Sandy's requests, barely taking notice to his presence. "Kirsten, you have not made any arrangements to meet with my lawyer."_

_Kirsten put her head down, now the one feeling humiliated. She had not disclosed to Sandy her father's request about drawing up papers of a pre-nuptial agreement. She didn't want one because she knew that would kill Sandy, plus deep down she knew Sandy was not marrying her for what she was worth. She kept her head down as she spoke back to her father. "I don't plan on taking a meeting with him."_

_Caleb raised his voice, urging his daughter to make eye contact. "What?" He looked at Sandy, trying to figure out why the boy looked so clueless. He pointed a finger at him. "Did he talk you into this? Did he convince you that it wasn't necessary?"_

_"Sir, I have no idea what you are talking about." He looked at his wife to be. "Kirsten?" He asked, needing an explanation._

_Finally Kirsten's mother spoke up. "Cal, I don't think Sandy has anything to do with her decision."_

_Kirsten lifted her head and looked into her father's eyes. "I made the decision on my own."_

_"You don't have a clear mind to make such an important decision."_

_"Kirsten, what is he talking about?" Sandy said softly to her._

_Kirsten finally raised her voice and started to yell at her father. "This is my decision Dad. It's my money and my inheritance. I should be able to do whatever I want with it."_

_Caleb would not tolerate this type of behavior. "That's enough! I will call and draw up the papers tomorrow. Sanford will sign those papers, otherwise I will stop payment on all of these wedding plans!"_

_Sandy realized this had to do with Kirsten's assets and how her marrying him would entitle him to all she was worth. "Kirsten, it's okay. It doesn't mean anything." Sandy spoke back to Caleb. "I'll sign whatever you want me to."_

_"See Kiki, that wasn't too hard."_

_Once dinner was finished, Sandy found Kirsten sitting outside by the pool. Still dressed, she took her sandals off and dipped her feet in the water. Sandy wordlessly sat down next to her, putting his own feet in as well. "Why didn't you tell me?" He asked._

_She looked up at him with tears in her eyes. "I didn't want you to think I didn't believe in us. I didn't want you to think I was having any doubts."_

_"I don't think that. Your father is just trying to protect you. He obviously doesn't trust me, but that was never a secret." He cracked a small smile._

_"Those papers represent the possibility of us failing and in my mind that is not even an option. I can't believe you are okay with all of this."_

_He cupped her face to fully gain her attention. "I'm okay with all of this because like I said earlier, it doesn't mean anything. Once I sign them, I promise we will never see them again. I have no intentions to ever referring to them. You and I are going to become our own family and that is stronger than any legal document that says differently."_

_"I just wanted to show you that I didn't need them. I didn't need that insurance. I want you to know I trust you that much."_

_"I already know that." He kissed her softly, closing the distance between their bodies. "I want you to have your dream wedding, and if that means signing those papers that don't mean anything to either of us, then I have no problem doing it."_

_She leaned in and kissed him lightly, enjoying the feeling that coursed through her body. "I'll love you forever."_

_Before they left Newport, Caleb made sure that Sandy signed those documents. If Caleb truly thought they were going to be needed some day, he was sadly mistaken. He was the one being made the fool. _

_About a week later in Berkeley, Sandy spent the entire day calling Kirsten but had no luck getting touch with her. By evening, Sandy was starting to worry when his phone finally rang._

_"Where have you been?" He asked. "I've been trying to get in touch with you all day."_

_"I know. I'm sorry. Can you come over here tonight? I need to discuss something with you."_

_"Is everything alright?" He was always concerned for her well-being._

_"Yeah, but once you get here, they will be so much better."_

_When he arrived, he had no idea what she had up her sleeve. She answered the door and threw herself in his arms. "I've missed you today." She said._

_"You're acting quite mysterious." He said with a chuckle._

_Once inside, she went and grabbed some papers off her desk and handed them to Sandy. He glanced at the familiar papers and gave her a questioning look. "Where did you get these?"_

_"I went to Newport today to see my lawyer. Apparently he is my lawyer too. He works for me and my dad and my mom and Hailey. Since I am above eighteen years of age, I get to call my own shots."_

_Sandy's head was spinning. "You were in Newport? Today?"_

_"Yeah. This is the original copy you initially signed."_

_"Why do I have the feeling your father knows nothing about this?"_

_"Because you are an intelligent man. So is that lawyer of mine. I had to pay him a good amount of money to give these to me." She laughed._

_"What's going on?" He still was confused._

_She pulled the papers out of his hand. She ripped them right down the middle. "This is how much I love you." She put the two piles together and ripped them again. "This is how sure I am about us." She repeated her actions and ripped them again. "This is how much I mean the vows 'Til death do us part'."_

_"Kirsten, I'm not so sure..."_

_"My father will never find out and this is not about him. I love you Sandy and nothing is going to change how I feel about this." She said shaking the papers once before throwing them to the ground. _

_He pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. "I love you too Kirsten."_

"I trust you Sandy." Kirsten said. "That is something that will never change, but it doesn't take a genius to see where this is going. You are settling in Berkeley and making a life there. We should start to think about divorce proceedings."

"I'm not ready to consider that option!"

"But you're ready to leave me for good?"

"I'm not leaving you for good. I'm hoping that we somehow find our way back to each other. I'm hoping that fate plays a hand in all of this. I'm hoping that we truly belong together."

"How do you expect that to happen if we are miles away from one another?" She asked.

"Come with me?" He didn't want to ask it, but knew she wasn't going to get there on her own.

"What?"

"Come with me!"

"Move to Berkeley?" She asked.

"Yes!"

"I can't." It was the first thing that came out of her mouth. She was thinking about the house, The Newport Group, her life. Before she tried to explain all these thought he interrupted her.

"That's what I figured you were going to say." He walked out of her office, not giving her a chance to respond.

A few more months passed by and as the date to Sandy's departure grew closer, his relationship with Kirsten grew further away from his heart. He made the first move. He asked her to come even though he secretly hoped she would make that move on her own. Even though he asked, it still wasn't enough. He still wasn't enough and figured he would never be. That whole interaction with Kirsten solidified his decision to move to Berkeley.

Kirsten would be lying if she tried to forget about Sandy's offer. She thought about it every day, but she really didn't want to leave Newport. She needed to keep the company flowing for her father. She needed to keep the house so the boys had a place to call home on their breaks from school. She wanted to keep her life in Newport. Sandy didn't even let her explain. Instead he just walked out and after a few months, neither ever spoke of that conversation ever again.

Although Jimmy was back, Kirsten never saw him. She maintained a pretty mundane existence, going from work to home and vice versa. Since she was steering clear of the Newport party scene, there were no run-ins. She figured Jimmy wouldn't want anything to with her after their last blowout. She never thought their friendship would have come to this, but figured out that they never really were friends in the first place.

Graduation was approaching and the inevitable was about to happen. The men in her life were all leaving at the same time. She knew it was going to be tough, so she wanted to make the most of her time with all of them still living in Newport. She focused on making sure they all logged in some quality family time. She didn't care about the rolled eyes Ryan tossed her way or the loud sighs that came out of Seth's mouth. Their time was limited and deep down she knew Sandy was enjoying it too.

A week before graduation the tickets arrived in the mail. As much time as they were spending together as a family, Kirsten used this as an excuse to see him on a one on one basis. She made a bold move and made her way over to his apartment on a Monday night.

Once outside, she suddenly felt a little nervous that she was there. Without calling first, she knocked on his door hoping he didn't mind the pop in visit.

Once he opened the door, Kirsten noticed he was wearing his pajama pants and a grey t-shirt. She couldn't help but stare because it was an image she hadn't seen in a really long time. Over the past year, they were either fully dressed or completely naked. She missed seeing him like this.

"Kirsten, what are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry to just show up like this, but ..."

"Please don't tell me we are at the point of constant apologies." He interrupted her. She stopped speaking and smiled, knowing they could never be that formal with each other. She relaxed a bit as Sandy continued to speak. "Besides you and I both know neither of us are truly sorry for any type of visit."

Her smile grew as she stepped inside his apartment, noticing that he already started to pack. This made her smile fade, knowing he really was leaving her. "I can't believe you already started to pack." She stated matter of fact.

"Well, I close on my house in two weeks, so I wanted to bring some stuff that I don't need here." He said as he brushed his hand through his hair.

"What street is it on?" She was so curious of what his new life was going to be like. His new life without her.

"Maple. Around the corner from our old house. Right by the park."

"I loved that park."

"Yeah, me too." He said, thinking of how much time Kirsten and Seth spent there with him.

She just stared at him wondering how she was going to live without him. He held her stare, but knew he had to look away. If he didn't, things between them would only get more complicated. He needed to resist the urge to beg her to come with him. He needed to resist the urge to take her right there on his living room floor to show her what she is going to be missing once he leaves. He broke the eye contact knowing it was the best for the two of them.

Once Sandy looked down at the floor, she reached into her purse and pulled out a white envelope. "I came by to drop this off. The graduation tickets came today and I wanted to make sure you had yours. These things are hard to come by."

"You didn't have to come all the way here to drop it off. I was planning on coming to the house in the morning so we all could go together. I have to take pictures on our sons' big day." He smiled proudly.

"I wasn't sure what your plans were..." She started to lie as she headed for the door. She needed to get out of there. If she didn't, something completely off the wall was going to happen. She spun back around to face him. "Who am I kidding?" She raised her voice.

Sandy looked up startled, his fingers playing with the corner of the envelope.

"I came over here tonight because I just wanted to see you. I know it's wrong and I know you're leaving, but I need you to know something."

Sandy took a step closer, encouraging her to continue. Kirsten wasn't a woman of many words so when she wanted to speak her mind, her just let her.

"I don't want you to leave. I want you to stay here with me. I'm begging you not to change your whole life around so it takes me out of the picture." She could barely breathe as she continued. "I need you more than you will ever fully understand and I want our life back. There, I said it. I have been feeling this way for awhile and I just need you to know where I stand. I really don't want you to leave."

Sandy took a deep breath, knowing this had to be said. "You know I can't stay Kirsten. I can't live here and be with you when Jimmy is right around the corner. I never viewed myself as a jealous man, but I cannot help it when it comes to him." Sandy moved closer to her and cupped her face. "Right now, I don't know if you're asking me to stay because you actually want what is best for us or if you are just afraid to be alone."

"I'm very afraid of what the future holds, but that doesn't negate the fact that I love you and want to be with you."

"Well that's good to know." Sandy said and pulled her into his arms. "I love you too, Kirsten."

Graduation Day finally arrived and as important of day it is for the students, it is a seriously gratifying day for the parents as well. Sandy and Kirsten used to dream of this day when Seth started school, knowing what a great accomplishment it was going to be. Now, they got to be there as both their boys walked up that stage to receive their diplomas. Both hurdling what, at times, seemed like the impossible.

Kirsten was getting ready in her bedroom, wanting to look her very best, not only for Sandy but also for Seth and Ryan. Sandy decided to head over to the house early to make sure they weren't rushing through the pictures that he was sure the boys would be dreading. As he entered, the house was rather quite, realizing everyone was still getting ready. He spotted Ryan in the pool house minus Seth so he knew he must be up in his room.

He headed down the hallway, knowing Kirsten must be putting the final touches on her whole process of getting ready. He didn't know what always took her so long to feel presentable as she put it. She always looked stunning to him. He didn't want to startle her so he lightly knocked on their door which was closed. He knew the status of the door meant she was probably not fully dressed. A small part of him wanted to respect her space. A much bigger part of him wanted to barge in their and get a glimpse of what he missed for so long.

"Seth, I'm almost ready. I promise not to make us late." She called once she heard the knock.

"It's not Seth." He simply replied. He was met with silence, now wishing he just barged in. Finally the door cracked open and she stuck her head out the door. He noticed her bare shoulders and realized that she had to be topless.

"Hi." She said shyly. She slowly opened the door letting him fully see her.

He couldn't take his eyes off her body. He kept telling himself to make eye contact, but there was a cosmic force pulling his eyes in places they didn't belong anymore.

She noticed his stare and a small smile crept up onto her face. "I just need a few more minutes." She stepped aside letting him enter, shutting the door behind him.

"If you are going to stay like that, you can take a long as you need." He joked.

"Sandy..."She said playfully."Stop staring." She was blushing as she made her way into their closet leading toward the bathroom. He couldn't help but follow her.

"I know. I'm sorry, but I can't help it. You're still heart-breakingly beautiful after all these years."

She caught his eyes and smiled again. "Thank you."

When she turned to the mirror and pulled on her silky, sexy hunter green top, he decided he needed to move this conversation in a different direction. If he didn't that top and the rest of her clothes would be spread across the bathroom floor. "I can't believe this day is finally here."

She turned to face him when she was satisfied with her appearance. "I know. We did it. I feel like all of our parenting is being summed up in this day."

"Well, besides the whole pot thing, I think we did pretty well with Seth."

"Right, besides the whole pot thing!" She joked. "He's so much like you, it's scary."

"There's so much of you in him too." He said, returning the compliment.

"And what about Ryan? Three years ago, I only hoped he would be here with us this day and he is. That is all because of you." She moved closer to him and surprised him by giving him a hug. "Congratulations!" She whispered into his ear.

He felt shivers down his spine, but managed to wrap his arms around her. "Congratulations to you too. We definietely should be proud of ourselves." He whispered back.

They should have concluded their embrace, but neither made the first move to let go. She felt incredible in his arms, wanting to hold on to her and this moment forever. He felt more fit than she remembered and wanted that strong body to take control of hers.

Sandy let out a sigh, deciding to speak his thoughts as he still held on tight. "I need to let go."

"I know."

"If I don't, we are really going to be late."

"Mmmhmm." That was all she could muster as she slowly unwrapped her arms and felt him let go of her waist.

After taking a ridiculous amount of pictures, they all head to Harbor. The boys went into the main building to line up as Sandy and Kirsten started to make their way over to their seats. They spoke to several people as they made their way, saying goodbye to one group and hello to another. It still amazed him how well known Kirsten was in this community.

A little too well!

Starting to make their way into the row they were seated in, Kirsten noticed that Sandy stopped walking behind her. She wondered why and followed his eyes to his target. He was looking at the exact reason to why he was leaving.

She moved back toward him and grabbed his hand. "Sandy?" When he kept his eyes focused on Jimmy, she spoke again. "Look at me." She demanded. She should have remembered that Jimmy would be here today for Marissa.

When his eyes were brought to hers, he spoke first. "How often do you see him? How many times a week do you bump into him?" She could see the anger in his eyes, but was happy with the answer she was about to provide. "We're past all the lying, so please tell me the truth." He was the one making the demands now.

She gripped his hand a little tighter. "I haven't seen him since the day he was at our house. Since the day you were there without my knowledge." Her eyes were pleading now. "I swear that's the truth and I'm sorry if you don't believe it." She kept her voice low so this conversation was between just the two of them.

He stared at her for a little longer than he should have. He was trying to measure her sincerity. "I believe you." He pulled his hand out of hers and placed it on the small of her back to nonverbally tell her to keep moving to their seats.

She grabbed his hand again, still holding his stare. "I want you to remember something. If I wanted a life with Jimmy, I could have had one then and I could still have one now. That was never what I wanted. I still and always will, want my life to be with you. Don't forget that, especially after you move to Berkeley." She finally let go of his hand and went to take her seat.

Sandy stood still, once again questioning his decision. That little speech hit a little too close to his heart for his liking. In all the years he has known Kirsten, never had he heard her speak so adamantly about anything. She once again broke his heart.

Two months after graduation day, Kirsten knew she was running out of time. One by one, all the men in her life were leaving her and something inside began to hurt. It was probably the sensation of her heart breaking into a million tiny, little pieces.

Seth was the first to leave. They all gathered around the house to say goodbye because Seth made a request not to make a scene at the airport.

"I can't believe I am going to say this, but I'm actually going to miss this place." He said as he walked out to put his bags in the car waiting for him. They all followed him outside.

"You mean you're going to miss us right?" Sandy asked, secretly hoping the answer was yes.

"That's exactly what I meant." Seth said sarcastically.

Kirsten could already feel the tears pool at her eyes. She couldn't believe the day had come where she had to say good bye to her baby.

Ryan noticed this and decided to start to whole process. He stepped forward and came at Seth with a hug. "Good luck man." They patted each other's back hard, to make the hug a little more manly. "Keep an eye on Summer, but enjoy the space as well."

"Will do." He answered. "Hook your computer up as soon as you get to Berkeley."

They pulled apart and Ryan wanted to say something meaningful to Seth. He thought about the man Seth turned into, now exemplifying self-confidence. He also knew there was still a lot of insecurities underneath the surface. "You're going to be great, man!" He whispered although Sandy and Kirsten heard him.

That was enough for the tears to spill down her cheeks. Although Ryan never felt more a part of this family, he wanted to give them some privacy. He headed back into the house as Sandy stepped forward.

"Ryan's right. You are going to do great things. I'm so proud of you." Sandy pulled him into a hug. "I love you." Sandy was never one to hide his feelings. When he pulled back, he focused in on his eyes. "You better behave. I don't want you to worry your mother while you on the other side of the country. Do you hear me?"

"Yeah, I got it." He said as he rolled his eyes.

"Good, and don't forget that we will be out there in October for parent's weekend."

"Oh, I can't wait." Again with the sarcasm.

Sandy finally stepped back and made a path for Kirsten to say her goodbye. "I, for one, am not going to miss your smart ass sarcastic comments." He turned to Kirsten and asked. "How about you?"

Kirsten moved toward him at lightning speed and she was full fledged crying now. "I'm going to miss every part of you."

"That's just creepy, Mom."

She hugged him tightly, never wanting to let him go. "I'm so proud of you Seth. Take in every moment. This is going to be such a great part of your life."

Seth hugged back, something that he didn't do often.

"And be careful! Don't do anything stupid."

"I'll be fine. Don't worry." He turned away from his parents and headed toward the car. He turned back and looked at his mother. "I should be the one worrying about you."

It was the first time Kirsten was able to see Seth as a grown adult, not her baby. "I'll be fine. I've got enough work to keep me busy until October."

Seth smiled and turned to his father. "I can't believe people are going to pay to listen to your lectures." He closed the door and Sandy and Kirsten watched as their son drove away from home.

They stood there in complete silence, their brain filled with melancholy thoughts. When Sandy heard Kirsten's breath get hitched in her throat, he turned to face her and saw her completely breaking down. He couldn't help it. He pulled her into his arms, knowing she was sad that her baby left home, but she was also sad because one third of her life just disappeared.

A few days later it was time for Ryan's departure. Sandy spent the night before loading a rented SUV so Ryan could make the drive himself. Seth tried to convince Ryan to ask for a car since it didn't require a plane to get to Berkeley. Ryan ignored his requests, knowing Kirsten and Sandy would somehow figure out his moving situation.

Kirsten and Sandy didn't want to buy either Seth or Ryan a car while away at college. It was an added element of worry that they didn't need. Drinking and driving was not something they wanted to tempt their sons with.

Sandy was leaving the day after Ryan, but he was all packed and ready to go. He wanted to see Ryan off in the morning and go into his office and collect anything he left there. He told Ryan he would meet him at his dorm when he arrived to make sure he was settled in.

They heard from Seth and he sounded like he was doing okay. Summer helped him get his stuff in order and Kirsten felt much better that she was close by to him. She knew Summer would look out for him. Sandy came by the house and saw Ryan standing in the driveway looking up at the mansion in front of him.

Sandy got out of his car and stood back with him, admiring everything about it. "Every time I see this place, it still amazes me. I think it's because I didn't grow up like this."

"Tell me about it." Ryan replied.

"You okay?" Sandy could tell something was on his mind.

"I feel like I don't deserve what is happening right now."

Sandy looked perturbed. "Kid, I really hope that's not true."

"I can't help it. Stealing that car was the best thing I ever did. It brought me here and to you guys."

Kirsten was listening from the front door and finally came out. "We're the lucky ones Ryan."

Sandy smiled, knowing that was exactly what Ryan wanted to hear.

"Never in a million years did I think I would be going to college, let alone Berkeley and I just want to let you know how grateful I am. You made my life what it is."

Kirsten was crying, which they all knew was inevitable. "Do you think you got everything?" Before Ryan could answer, she continued. "If you don't, Sandy will be up there tomorrow and he can help you with whatever you need."

"Yeah. I know you have to register for classes in the morning. Any thought in taking any of mine?" Sandy asked, hoping he would.

"My answer hasn't changed from the last twenty times you asked me that." Ryan joked.

"Picking up on Seth's sarcasm, huh? I think it's good you two are going to be separated for awhile." Sandy was not too sad to see Ryan driving off because he would see him often. "Drive safe kid. I'll see you tomorrow." Sandy moved in for a hug as Kirsten watched on.

Sandy felt like he had a little private moment with Ryan and wanted to give Kirsten the same courtesy. He walked inside the house to leave the two of them alone.

"I feel like I am abandoning you." He finally said.

She moved closer to him and hugged him lightly. "Oh sweetie, don't feel that way. You are starting a new, exciting chapter in your life. This is not goodbye."

"I hate knowing all three of us will be gone."

"Not from here." She said, pointing to her heart. "Besides, I've got Julie to keep me occupied." She attempted to smile as more tears came.

"Thank you for everything." He hugged her one last time for real. It was tight and full of love. "Maybe if things are okay with you and Sandy, you can come up here and visit us."

"When it comes you boys, things will always be okay with Sandy and I."

"Good." Ryan gave him a real smile and he climbed into the car and drove off.

She watched until the car was out of sight. She eventually made her way back into the seemingly empty house. Sandy was in the kitchen making a pot of coffee and setting two cups on the counter. "You want some right?" He asked, hating that two years ago he would never have to ask such a silly question.

She nodded as she took a seat at the kitchen island. "I can't believe they are gone. It's only been five minutes and this house feels so empty."

Sandy knew words weren't going to fix what she was feeling. He stayed silent, his mind occupied with other thoughts.

"Why are you so quiet?" She asked.

He thought about what to say without making her feel worse. "I just always thought when today finally approached us, we would be celebrating an empty nest." He said, remembering the countless conversations they had about how they were going to have the house to themselves.

"I never thought it would be this empty." She said, knowing that him leaving was never in their plans.

He moved away from the coffee pot and over to where she was sitting. He cupped her face and spoke softly. "You are going to be fine. Everything will eventually work itself out. You have to believe that."

She moved her hands to his, craving some more contact. "With you leaving tomorrow, everything seems so final." One tear slowly dripped from her eye and down her face.

He used his thumb and wiped it away. "Nothing is final."

"I'm not ready to accept that this is over." She choked out.

He leaned in and slowly kissed her lips. It wasn't urgent. It was just a gesture of pure love. When he pulled back, he looked into her eyes again. "We will never truly be over. We are still a family."

She didn't know what to do at this moment. She didn't know where this was going, but her head and her heart were on the same page. She leaned in and kissed him this time and lingered a little bit longer. "I don't want you to go, but I do understand why you have the need to leave. I'm just trying to accept it. I am trying to believe in your theory of fate."

He leaned in again and kissed her, lingering and waiting on a signal from her to see what was to happen. He knew he was leaving tomorrow and whatever happened between them here and now was not going to change that.

When she opened her mouth, he took this as a sign and an opportunity to take things a little bit further. He slid his tongue in her mouth and searched for hers. When she felt him make a move, she reciprocated and swirled her tongue around his. He moved his hands from her face, his fingertips grazing her neck, resting them on her shoulders. "I tell you what." He said when he broke the kiss. "Maybe we should still celebrate having the empty nest, even if it is just for one night."

She looked at him, knowing what he was asking, wanting it so badly herself. She leaned in this time and kissed him hard, feeling his hands roam down her back until they reached her ass.

He felt a twinge in his pants when she kissed him, agreeing to have one more night of unleashed passion. He picked her up and moved her from the stool to the countertop. He couldn't remember the last time they did this in the middle of the kitchen, not worrying about any interruptions.

She usually set the pace, but she wanted him to take the lead. He moved slowly and deliberately, wanting this to last forever. He hands moved to the front of her body, cupping her breast over all the clothing between them. She moaned through their kiss as his hands moved lower to the base of her top.

He broke his lips from hers and moved them to her neck, hitting her most sensitive spots. His hands snaked underneath and moved upwards, cupping her breast again. He massaged it gently, loving the sounds that were coming from the back of her throat.

He felt the lace covering her breasts and desperately need to feel her milky white skin. He pulled the material down, stretching her garment where the material bunched together by the under wire of her bra. He brushed his fingertips around her nipple feeling it harden. That alone drove him wild.

She felt her groin become heated as Sandy worked his magic with his hands and his lips. Her hands were running through his hair, but released him and decided to rid herself of her top. She pulled from the base and in one swoop, up and over her head. Sandy had to pull his lips away to cooperate with what she was doing; now getting a view of what he was doing to her.

He moved his lips back to her neck and made his way downward toward her chest, placing her bra back over her breast. He was done with that area for now. He moved his lips further down, his hands moving to the button of her pants. As his lips descended, his hands unbuttoned and unzipped her pants.

She wanted everything he had to offer her. Her hands moved from him to gripping the countertop, trying to hold on to some sort of control. She could feel herself almost dripping with anticipation. She lifted her ass to assist with the removal of her pants, revealing her matching wine colored underwear.

He didn't look up at her. He just looked at his target, wanting to feel her and taste her. She could see the bulge in his pants, knowing that part of him was something she would explore later.

He bent his knees so he was eye level with her most private of areas. He pulled roughly at the material that got in his way and moved his head between her legs.

As soon as she felt his lips on her, she moaned loudly. "Oh God, Sandy!" It felt so damn good. It had been so long since he did this.

She tasted so delicious. He couldn't get enough. His lips explored hers, teasing her as he waited to use his tongue. It was he who became impatient and plunged his tongue in, pulling at her ass so the only air he could breathe was from her insides. She was close to releasing and her knuckles turned white as she gripped the counter.

"I'm so close." She grunted, grinding her hips against his head.

Suddenly he pulled away, teasing her relentlessly. He loved looking at her expression when she was in this state. Her eyes were closed and her head thrown back. When she felt him stop, she searched for his eyes, wondering why he had to play these games. Without saying anything, she leaned up to cup his face and pulled him back to her insides. It only took one more flick of the tongue and her whole body shuddered with sheer pleasure. He held her hips steady, so she didn't hurt herself in any way. He always was concerned with her well-being. He stayed down there until she came down from her high.

As he made his way up to her face, he smiled, loving how he could still do that to her. "I missed doing that!" He said. He always was reluctant to kiss her after this, afraid she didn't want to taste herself, but he was wrong. She pulled him toward her and kissed him hard, wanting to continue this further. She reached down toward his groin and rubbed him through his pants.

He was the one moaning now, wanting to release as well. Her hands knew exactly what he liked. It was something that was perfected over the years. She wrapped her legs around him and knew what was to come next. He lifted her off the counter and now she could feel the friction against her groin that she so desired.

"Let's go to our bedroom." She said and he started to carry her out of the kitchen. Her lips found his and their kisses went from slow and seductive to rushed and sloppy.

He pulled back. "And not take advantage of our empty nest?" He asked before immediately kissing her again.

She reached between them as he carried them down the hallway. Suddenly he made a hard left into his office as she unbuttoned his pants and reached in past the elastic of his boxers. She reached further and cupped his balls, loving his response.

"God, that feels so good, Kirsten."

"Good!" She smiled back.

He was about to place her on his desk, but she stopped him. "It's your turn." She whispered in his ear, before sucking his lobe.

He followed her instructions and put her back on her feet. He leaned back against the door frame, now happy they decided to never put a door on this room in the house. She kissed his neck and moved further, taking his pants and boxers down with her. She lifted his shirt to kiss his chest, his toned stomach as her hands massaged the inside of his thighs.

She looked up at him, watching his eyelids flutter as she wrapped her lips around him. He let out an elated moan, knowing he loved her skills in this department. He always told her that. She figured after twenty years of marriage, it was easy to perfect such a task. She used every part of her mouth to please him, knowing when to suck hard and when to go slow.

He loved placing his hands on her head, feeling the silky blonde hair in his fingertips. She knew what he loved and knew she was waiting to play at his teasing game. "Please Kirsten." He begged and he pushed her head a little bit toward him to go deeper into her mouth and down her throat.

She knew what he was asking of her and she obliged. She used her tongue to tease his tip, knowing that was his most sensitive of spots.

"Oh God, right there." He moaned, knowing he was close. As she continued, her hands moved to his hardening balls. He pulled her head away as he was about to explode. "I'm going to come."

She used her hands to continue the pleasure, waiting for him to untangle his hands from her hair. Once he did, she moved her mouth back onto him. She rarely did this. He rarely let her take his release in her mouth. "Kirsten!" That was all he could manage. He wanted to let her know he was going to explode, if she didn't understand that the first time. Then he realized that she wanted him to come in her mouth.

He tangled his hands back in her hair, groaning loudly at how good it felt. She felt his hips buckle as she swallowed little by little what entered her mouth. She didn't mind doing it, but Sandy was not convinced of that. Deep down, she knew he loved it.

She stayed down there as he went limp, trying to catch his breath. "You're so incredible at that!" He murmured.

She got back up and moved her body close to his, starting to kiss his neck again. "I'm not done with you."

He lightly chuckled as she started to remove his shirt. She still looked so sexy, clad in her bra. She admired his body as well, knowing most men his age were not this fit. "I love your body. I've always loved your body." She said, running her hands over his chest. She could see his dick twinging, loving that not many men were able to recover so quickly and continue forward.

He picked her up, both groins exposed, making his way out of his office and toward the stairs. She could feel him completely hard, not wanting to wait another second. He climbed two of the twelve steps before she expressed her interests. "Stop." She said before kissing him hard and pulling back. "Right here. I can't wait any longer. I need you inside me." He sat her on the fourth step as he knelt on the third.

He placed his tip at her entrance as leaned in to kiss her again. She could feel him there, waiting for him to push forward. His eyes met hers as he spoke, slowly slipping in inch by inch. "I love you Kirsten. I'm really going to miss you." Once fully inside he groaned and she followed with one of her own.

The moved in a desperate fashion, wanting to please the other so badly. They were making love to each other like it was going to be the last time for the two of them forever. They climaxed together, both wishing that they could have made it last forever.

He got up off the steps, and reluctantly off of her. He offered her hand to her to help her up as well. Instead of just holding her hand, he scooped her up and started to carry her toward their bedroom.

"Sandy!" She shrieked, kissing him some more. When she pulled away she realized where all their clothes were. "Wait Sandy, our clothes."

He didn't break stride, turning the corner to their bedroom. "Empty nest baby!" He said gleefully.

They lay in bed all day, something they hadn't done since before Seth arrived. They spoke about everything that was about to change in their lives. They even ordered in take out and ate in their bedroom, trying to savor their last moments together.

"Stay here tonight?" She asked.

Sandy didn't know if he liked the sound of that request. "Kirsten, I was supposed to go to my office today and clean my stuff out and I didn't even get there yet."

"Please? One last night?

They both were lying back in bed after dinner, trying to let the other go, but neither being successful.

"It's not that I don't want to stay, believe me. I just think it's going to be harder for us to say goodbye the longer I stay here. You and I both know it."

She knew he was right. She knew when morning came she still would be facing the same fear she was facing at the moment. "I know." She said as she watched him slowly make his way out of there bed forever.

She pulled at his hand, forcing him to turn around and face her. "I don't think it can get any harder than it is right now." She was pulling him back, a smile playing on her lips. She pulled him hard enough for him to flop back down on the bed. She leaned in close to him, the faces inches apart. "I promise we could do what we did before."

He watched his face as he was torn on what to actually do.

"All night." She finished, knowing she had him there. "Please stay one more night."

She leaned in further and kissed his lips. "How can I refuse that?"

They spent most of the night awake, both afraid to fall asleep because then morning would come. They eventually drifted off the sleep as the sun rose over their ocean views.

He awoke first, a million things playing on his mind of what he had to do today. He had to go home, shower, go to his office, gather the rest of things and face an eight hour drive. He let out a sigh and looked over to his left, his eyes glued on Kirsten. Before he did any of his earlier thoughts, he had to say goodbye to his Kirsten. He couldn't remember the last time they bonded like they did last night. He felt rejuvenated in the way like he was when he was twenty two.

He rolled over to her and placed his lips by her ear, whispering not to startle her.

"Hey." He waited for her to stir and she did. "I've got to go." She rolled over to face him and sleepy look in her eyes. "I don't want you to get up." He kissed her lips softly. "I want to remember you just like this." She smiled, loving how gently he always was. He leaned in and she closed her eyes as he kissed her again. When he pulled back, her eyes were still closed. She didn't want to watch him walk away from her. She couldn't. Sandy knew what she was doing. "Open your eyes. Look at me sweetheart." She opened them slowly and he spoke. "This is not goodbye." He kissed her again, and quickly got up. He knew if he didn't leave right then, he wasn't going to at all.

He rushed into the bathroom and got dressed. When he came out, her body was turned, facing away from her.

She heard him open the door, not daring to watch. He made his way toward the exit of the bedroom as she called. "Sandy..."

He stopped her. "Kirsten, you're going to be fine."

She wanted to reassure him of everything. She wanted to be supportive because that is what Sandy needed at the moment. She wanted to let him know that he was doing what was best for him and that was okay with her. "I know." She responded. "You're going to be great." She said still facing in the opposite direction.

--

--

_**Hit that button and I will love you forever.**_


	27. Fate

_**Hello All - As always, your reviews mean the world to me and I thank you for all the inspiration they bring. There will be one more epilogue chapter that will take place in the future. Sort of like Playing Games. I wrote this in pieces so I hope it flows. **_

_**Stripscrabble - A little more is this chapter (which was supposed to be the last) followed by one more a little bit into the future.**_

_**4EverKandy - A life with Julie would just be a crazy life!**_

_**Kikinjuju - Thanks for the props on the smut. I am very insecure at writing those parts! Not sure what is going to be next for me. I am torn between a few things.**_

_**Bluetoffee, Moviesareourbusiness, princesssparkle88, perla25, fifimom, jen, natluvskandy, Robbie - Thanks for the reviews.**_

_**SexyEm - I'm glad you understood Sandy's need to leave and glad you were happy with Kirsten's acceptance of it. Glad you also noted that Kirsten rather be alone than with Jimmy. That was what I was hoping for! Thanks for all the props!**_

_**Jennyloveskandy - Perfect? I highly doubt that, but thanks!**_

_**KrabbyPatty - I wasn't so sure about skipping Valentine's Day and their Anniversary, but it didn't seem right for them to celebrate such events. Glad you liked the flashback and thanks for the quote.**_

_**Slinn01 - Would you be able to open your eyes and see your Sandy Cohen walk out of your life? That is why I had her close her eyes. Glad you felt the weight of that bit.**_

_**Nova - Sorry I made you cry! I can't make any promises, but this chapter is not the last. There will be one more after it. Glad you quoted the part you liked!**_

_**Panzie - Glad you are happy with my sense of time. I always feel like time seems rushed when it advances. Thanks for that. Sorry I made you cry although you have made me do it on occasion. **_

_**Tiffany - Glad you liked the empty nest thing. Had to have them take advantage of it. Pregnant? We'll see! Don't want them to reunite because of that!**_

_**Cohenwannabe - Glad you liked the goodbyes, even though it was so sad.**_

_**Cheerleader2006 - It is only a matter of time!**_

_**Megan - Glad you brought back the term blubbering like a baby! Very funny! Carter is still around and so is Jimmy, but not sure how much they will play into this story.**_

_**Kandyfanz123 - I really don't think I came up with a good reason for her to stay in Newport. I'm sorry about that. Because if I was her I would follow that man anywhere. Thanks for the quote!**_

_**On with it…**_

The first week after Sandy left, Kirsten tried to keep herself extremely busy. Working thirteen and fourteen hour days was the only way to keep her sane. She woke up to an empty house, which was usually filled with playful banter and laughter. Now her high heel shoes were the only noise that could be heard as she made her way from her bedroom to the kitchen each morning.

When she pulled into her driveway at night, the usual lights filtering out of the windows onto their property were no longer existent. She barely felt existent.

As she opened the front door, there was no noise of the television, no clicking of the play station controllers, and no noise of any type of movement. The only thing she heard was the hum of the central air being forced throughout the entire mansion. She never felt this way, but maybe this house was just too big for her to live in all by herself.

Extreme Loneliness!

That is what she felt. Never had she experienced such an emotion in her entire life. She always had family around her combined with a ton of friends. This was a complete different ballpark and there was no way she wanted to adapt to this current lifestyle. This is not what she wanted! In the months leading up to this week, she knew it was going to be hard. She kept telling herself that she would be okay, but deep down she wasn't. She needed her boys. She needed Sandy.

Friday night came and she was dreading it. What was she supposed to do with herself all weekend? As she entered her house, she heard the phone start to ring. Normally she wouldn't rush to it, but even speaking to a telemarketer sound good at this point.

"Hello?" She said, out of breath, hoping whomever it was, wanted to have a lengthy conversation.

"Mom?"

"Seth? Hi. How are you?" Her mood changed the second she heard her baby's voice.

"I'm good." Seth answered, now wondering if it was a good idea that he called. "I wasn't sure if you were going to be home yet."

"I just walked in from the office." She felt the need to clarify where she was. She didn't want Seth to think she was gallivanting all over town, celebrating their absence. "Isn't it late there?" She asked.

"It's almost eleven." He said evenly.

She wondered why at eleven o'clock on a Friday night, her son was calling her. "Is everything okay? Shouldn't you be out celebrating getting through your first week of school?"

"I'm going in a little bit."

Kirsten smiled, thinking how crazy it was to be going out that late. "I remember those days." She joked.

"Please, let's not swap stories here mom. I don't need to hear about your antics when you were my age."

"Fair enough." She wanted to tell him how she was feeling, but didn't want to bring his spirits down. "Are you having fun? Are the people nice? How's Summer doing?"

"Everything's great. Summer and I have conflicting schedules, but we try to see each other as much as we can. It's weird. We are living the same but yet two completely different lives."

She felt like Seth needed some reassurance. "You guys will get into a groove. It's the first week."

"I know." Seth thought about the reason why he was truly calling. "I've been thinking about you and how you're doing without any of us there."

Kirsten didn't feel the need to hold the tears back when no one would see them being shed. She hadn't cried tears of happiness in a long time. "Thanks Seth. I'm fine. Just trying to keep busy and not dwell on the fact that all my guys are doing great without me." She thought she said too much and wanted to cover it up. "I'm so proud of you. You know that, right?"

"I know. Well, I have to run. I just wanted to let you know I worry about you."

"You don't have to worry. I'm doing great. Everything is fine."

"Okay. Well, if you decide to cook something, let me know. I'll put a call into the fire department to make sure they are ready to swing by the house."

"Very funny." She remembered what it was like to be a freshman in college. "Be careful tonight. Don't drink too much and look after Summer."

"Summer is not going out with me tonight. Something about some protest that is only for Brown students. I don't know" He said sadly.

Kirsten knew he was feeling down about Summer and wanted to give him some encouragement. "I'm glad you are making other friends to go out with. It is good for you guys."

"Thanks Mom. Take care of yourself."

"Bye Seth. Thanks for the call."

Once she hung up, her spirits had been lifted. She was so thrilled Seth was thinking about her, although she didn't want him to worry. This phone call made her feel like he finally forgave her. He finally was able to let go of everything she had done to ruin their family.

Now all she had to do was believe in Sandy's theory of fate.

Fate. The ultimate agency that predetermines the course of events. She just wondered what that agency would be.

Ryan was also settling in at Berkeley. He found his environment to be much more welcoming than Newport. The people were more like him than he thought and his fear of sticking out was quickly diminished.

Sandy was a little bit overwhelmed with the amount of work he was facing. His first goal was to make sure Ryan was settled in and adjusting well. Second were his classes. He wanted to bring enthusiasm and passion to what he taught, hoping his students would enjoy and look forward to each passing day. He remembered when he was a student that some classes were a pure joy to take and some were dreadful. He was adamant of not falling into the latter category.

His office was almost all set up, but it still needed some personal touches. Ryan insisted that Sandy didn't put any pictures up, afraid fellow students would make the connection between the two of them. Ryan also made it a point for Sandy not to make any visits to his dorm. He knew that Sandy must be lonely, but had to lay down the ground rules right away.

"I appreciate you getting me into Kirsten's old dorm, but you understand where I am coming from, right?" Ryan asked tentatively on a visit to Sandy's office that first week of classes.

Sandy smiled, knowing this must have been a hard request for Ryan to make. He knew he was so afraid to hurt anyone's feelings. "I get it."

"I know you must have pulled some string to get me in there. I did notice that it is the most centrally located building with the biggest rooms." Ryan was always so observant.

"It was nothing." Sandy waved his hands dismissively. He wondered how Ryan knew all of this since it was only the first week. "How do you know what the other dorms look like?"

Ryan smiled shyly. "I get around." He joked.

"Already in the first week huh?" Sandy was just teasing him. He couldn't be happier Ryan was making friends.

"So no surprise visits, right?" Ryan wanted to clarify the terms of their deal.

"Should I be worried about this request? I lived in these dorms. I know what goes on, you know?"

"I know."

"Now that I think about it, I remember what goes on in that particular dorm." Sandy said recalling all the wild parties Kirsten used to throw.

"Please, I don't need to hear about all of Kirsten's escapades." Ryan knew Sandy loved telling stories from the past.

"Okay. No surprise visits. I promise." He thought about the feeling coursing through his body that he felt many years ago.

_Two months into dating each other exclusively, Sandy still didn't know the terms of what was appropriate in their relationship and what was off limits. As much as he wanted to spend every waking moment with her, he knew he had to play it cool and not become as annoying as he wanted to be. He just couldn't get enough of her._

_Kirsten felt the same way. Sandy was an upperclassman and she knew it was rare for him to be dating a freshman. As much as she wanted to run to him when she saw him on campus or visit his house, she kept her distance. She didn't want to latch onto him like she needed him. She just got to Berkeley and wanted to forge her own path, not follow Sandy's._

_Sandy was stuck on campus, waiting in between classes at the cafeteria. This was the true disadvantage to living off campus. He wanted to visit Kirsten in her dorm room, but wasn't sure if she would even be there. He didn't want to overstep his boundaries, but he really wanted to see her. _

_He approached her dorm nervously wondering over and over again if this was going to be okay. Someone was coming out and this gave him the opportunity to let himself in and make his way to her room. He knocked once and there was no answer. It was worth a try, he thought. He knocked again to be sure._

_Kirsten heard a soft knock at the door and it matched the pounding in her head. She went out last night and has not gotten out of bed yet. She already knew there was no way she was going to make any of her classes. She looked over at her roommate who was still in bed as well, nursing her own hangover._

_"I'll pay you a hundred dollars to get it." Kirsten joked, but hoped it would work._

_"I'm not falling for it, but since you drank many more shots than I did, I'll get it."_

_As Emily made her way over to the door, she took a look at Kirsten. "You don't look so good." _

_"I don't feel so good." Kirsten replied._

_When Emily looked through the peephole and saw who it was, she laughed out loud. "You're about to feel a lot worse."_

_"Huh?"_

_Emily whispered. "It's Sandy."_

_"What?"_

_Emily made her way back to her bed, not planning on getting involved. "Your man. Your door."_

_Kirsten bolted out of bed and looked through the peephole. What was he doing there? Why did he have to come right at this moment when she looked her worst? What was she going to do? She turned back at Emily. "You have to get rid of him. He can't see me like this!"_

_"No way!"_

_"Please!"_

_Emily just rolled her eyes. "Fine."_

_Kirsten rest herself under the covers and out of view. "You owe me." She said before opening the door. _

_Once Sandy saw Emily and the state she was in, he began to ramble. "Emily. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you at..." He looked at his watch. "...Eleven thirty. I was hoping Kirsten was here."_

_"I had a rough night. Kirsten isn't here. She's probably at class." Emily lied._

_Sandy didn't know why she didn't open the door fully, but he did know she was lying. He realized at that moment that he should have never shown up there. He was invading Kirsten's personal space and he couldn't justify it. "Okay. Tell her I stopped by?" He asked._

_"Sure." She said, closing the door and making her way back to her own bed._

_"I can't believe he just stopped by." Kirsten said more to herself than to Emily._

_"I don't think he believed my lie." Emily said before rolling over, willing sleep to wash anyway the ruminants from the previous evening._

_Kirsten realized she had to find him before he went home for the day. She knew his schedule and made her way outside the political science building at three o'clock. When she saw him come out with a few of his buddies, she second-guessed her actions. He was joking with all of them when one pointed directly at her, making Sandy aware of her presence. She suddenly felt stupid as he made his way over to her._

_"I heard you stopped by this morning." She said, trying to break the ice._

_"Heard?" He questioned. When she didn't respond, he continued. "I shouldn't have just shown up. I wasn't invited and it was stupid of me to come."_

_"You can come by whenever you want." She said, wanting him to understand that she really did like him._

_"Then why didn't you come to the door?" He asked, using his lawyer skills._

_"How did you know I was there?"_

_"I didn't. You just told me."_

_Kirsten smiled, knowing he caught her. She tried to make her excuses. "I'm sorry. It's not that I didn't want to see you." She started._

_"I shouldn't have come." He tried to end the conversation right then and there. "It obviously wasn't a good idea."_

_"I wanted to see you, but I didn't want you to see me. I was a mess. Believe me, if you saw what I looked like, you probably wouldn't even be talking to me right now."_

_"You could never be a mess." He said quietly._

_"I meant what I said. You can come by whenever you want. If you just have some time to kill between classes or for other reasons, you are always welcome. Okay?"_

_He smiled and couldn't resist. "What other reasons?" He joked, making her blush._

_"Well that's for me to know and you to find out!" She joked back._

"Sandy?" Ryan called breaking Sandy out of his trance. When Sandy was paying attention, Ryan continued. "I promise not be a stranger. I know you must be lonely without Kirsten..."

"I'm fine. That's not for you to worry about." Sandy stopped Ryan.

"I'll pop by here or the house. Maybe we can have a beer or two?" Ryan suggested, partially joking, partially hopeful.

"We'll see." Sandy said back.

The second week Sandy was in Berkeley seemed a little bit easier. His classes were in full swing, giving him less time to dwell on Kirsten. He spoke to her briefly over the weekend, letting her know that Ryan was settling in fine and he was doing his best.

"I wasn't sure if I should call you or not." She expressed her concerns.

"You can always call me." He reassured her.

"I know. It makes it harder though." She said sadly.

"I know." He knew it was true. If they didn't speak, it was a bit easier not to miss her as much.

They decided it would be in both their best interest not speak on a daily basis or about themselves. They decided twice a week and only about the boys was sufficient.

Kirsten kept wondering why they were torturing themselves with the distance. Sandy keeps telling her to believe in fate but it was working at an extremely slow speed in her eyes.

Ryan kept his promise to visit Sandy and was even helping him with odd jobs around the house. Sandy knew he would be lost in Berkeley without Ryan. Sandy also loved hearing about what a hit he was on campus. Ryan's roommate was in Sandy's class and all he did was rave about his professor. Ryan reminded Sandy all the more reason not to do the pop in visit.

Once Ryan got some privacy in his room, he decided to give Kirsten a call. She had been calling intermittently, but he cut her off every time.

"Kirsten?" He said, once she answered.

"Hey Ryan. How are you?"

"I'm good. Just really busy, but in a good way."

"You sound good. Are you enjoying Berkeley?"

"It's great. It's everything you and Sandy said it would be." When she was quiet, Ryan figured he should try and not mention Sandy anymore. "I was just calling to tell you I miss you. Are you okay all by yourself?"

"I'm not by myself." She defended, a smile plastered on her face in response to Ryan's kind words. "I have work and Julie and the rest of the Newpsies."

"That sounds fulfilling." Ryan joked back.

"I'm doing my best."

"I'm not sure if I'm supposed to mention it." He knew he shouldn't, but he knew it would make her feel better. "Sandy misses you too." When she didn't say anything, he continued. "I'm staying in Foothill, which I know is where you stayed. I had to make him promise he wouldn't be doing the pop in visit, especially since my roommate is taking his class."

Kirsten laughed. "Well at least you set the ground rules early. You have no idea how much of a fan Sandy is of the pop in."

Ryan started telling Kirsten about his routine and his classes, but it was Kirsten who had to cut the conversation short this time. "I'm sorry Ryan. I am actually going out tonight with Julie and the rest of the girls. Can I call you tomorrow so we can continue this? I just heard them pull up."

"Go." Ryan said, not wanting her to have a second thought about going out. "I'm glad you are going out. It makes me feel better for some reason."

"Well it makes me feel better that you sound so wonderful."

After they hung up, Kirsten hopped into the limo that was taking the girls out. She knew that meant only one thing. Lots of drinking would be taking place.

Julie arranged this girls night out and insisted that Kirsten come. Julie's antics always scared Kirsten because deep down Julie loved to get out of control. They headed to Los Angeles and went to a club that Kirsten felt too old to be in. She hadn't been in a place like this since her twenties. There was beaming lights, smoke machines, shot girls amongst an enormous dance floor, which was packed.

Some of the women danced with Julie, and some stayed by the VIP lounge that Julie arranged for them to be in. Kirsten was definitely more comfortable sitting on a couch, sipping a few martinis. Time quickly passed and before she knew it, she was beyond drunk.

Kirsten saw Julie in the distance making her way over the lounge. "Come dance with us." She yelled above the music.

"I'm fine right here." Kirsten slurred.

"Come on. Don't be like that!" Julie started to pull at her hand. "You need to let loose and let go of Sandy."

"I'm not hanging on to Sandy." She declared.

"Yeah okay. Prove it. Come dance."

The next thing Kirsten knew, she was out on the dance floor with a group of younger men surrounding them. Kirsten was just concentrating on not falling over, hating to admit it felt good to be out there. Then she noticed that she and Julie were the only ones out there from their group.

She leaned close to Julie. "Where did everyone go?"

Julie waved her hands in the air. "They all left."

"What?" Kirsten suddenly sobered up. "How are we supposed to get home?"

"Don't worry about it. I made a call."

Kirsten looked skeptically at Julie, before she felt someone's hands wrap around her waist, pulling her close and away from Julie. She saw Julie's eyes wander over her head and to the gentleman making his move. "What type of call?"

"I told you don't worry about it. Besides, it looks like someone else wants your attention right now."

With this man's arms wrapped around her from behind, she could feel the bulge forming in his pants against the small of he back. "Julie, we need to leave."

"Our ride will be here in about forty five minutes." She gave Kirsten a wicked smile. "In the meanwhile, enjoy yourself."

Kirsten didn't know what to do so she spun around to face the horny man. "Hi. I'm sorry, but I was just heading to the bar to get a drink." She said wriggling her way out of his grasp.

"I'm John and I would be happy to buy you a drink."

As she made her way off the dance floor, she caught Julie's attention and pointed to her Cartier watch, signaling that she wanted to leave in forty minutes. Once at the bar, she realized that she didn't need another drink. "I'm sorry. I don't want you to buy me a drink. I don't want to give you the wrong impression."

"So you think I already have made an impression?" He asked.

"Well we are at a bar and you are offering to buy me a drink."

"Well you are dressed in a way that has all men looking your way." He shot back. He ignored her and bought her a drink anyway.

"Well I'm only interested in one man." She said feeling the booze in her system again.

"Let me take two guesses here. One, that man isn't me and two, he isn't here tonight."

"In the club?" She asked laughing. "He is not even in the same county."

"Well he's crazy then."

"Or I'm crazy." She said sipping more alcohol.

"And your friend. Is she in the same boat as you?"

"Julie? No. She definitely is not in my boat. She couldn't understand the love I feel for my husband."

"You're married?" He asked, scared off a bit.

"Yes." She thought about it for a minute. "No." Was that the right answer? "I don't know. Am I? Let me ask you? If you were married, but then legally separated, but continued to have wild sex, but then he leaves you, but tells you he still loves you, would you consider that still married?"

He was just looking at her like she was crazy. "I don't know. I just wanted to buy you a drink."

"I'm sorry." She said, putting her head down.

He lifted her chin, forcing eye contact. "What do you say I try to help you forget about him for awhile."

Kirsten smiled lazily. "That's really sweet and if I thought that would be possible, I might actually entertain that offer, but it won't work."

Just then Julie walked over seeing that Kirsten was trapped at the bar. She wanted to make sure her friend was okay.

"I don't want anyone else but him. He is that incredible and sexually, you probably couldn't hold a candle to him."

Julie knew she was running her mouth about Sandy and wanted her to stop. She wanted Kirsten to come out to forget about how her life was going at this particular moment in time. Not dwell on it to anyone who will listen. "Kirsten. Come on, our ride is probably here."

Kirsten put her drink down and made her way outside, following closely behind Julie.

"Thanks for coming to get us." She heard Julie say.

"No problem. I'm glad you called me." Kirsten heard someone say back. Someone whose voice was very familiar. She looked up and couldn't believe her eyes.

Jimmy!

She should have known Julie would have called him. She had the feeling something was going on between the two of them since before her father died, but she didn't want to know. She didn't care enough to get involved.

Julie jumped in the front seat and Jimmy went to help Kirsten in the back. He placed his hands on her waist to guide her, but she immediately shrugged away. "I can manage getting in the car." She said coldly. It was in a whisper, not wanting Julie to ever find out what went on between them.

Once they were on their way, Kirsten couldn't help the thoughts racing through her mind. Julie wasn't helping the situation either.

"Thank you James." She said seductively as she ran a hand through Jimmy's brown hair. "Kirsten, wasn't it nice for Jimmy to come pick us up?"

"He's a real gem." Kirsten said venomously.

"I know. I bet it's times like now you wished you never let him go." Julie's words were fueled by alcohol.

Those words cut Kirsten deep. If she just let him go when she was suppose to, her life would not be what it is today. Alcohol fueled her words too. "What's going on with you two?" She knew what she was asking, but didn't care how impolite it was.

"Kirsten..." Jimmy started, afraid to start this conversation.

Julie interrupted him. "You know Jimmy could never keep his hands to himself."

Kirsten laughed out loud. "You have no idea how well I know that fact."

Jimmy shifted in his seat uneasily.

"What does that mean?" Julie asked.

Kirsten wanted to tell her Jimmy was not the man she thought he was. She wanted to tell her he was a deceitful, scheming human being. She wanted to sell Jimmy out and make his life as miserable as hers was.

"Jules, she's drunk. She doesn't know what she's saying." Jimmy tried to stop her with his words and his eyes, viewing her from the rearview mirror.

Kirsten didn't have the heart to hurt Julie so badly. "I don't know what I'm saying. I think I had too much to drink." Kirsten said, staring right back into Jimmy's eyes.

"I know. I was there. Jimmy, you should have seen the amount of martinis she had." Julie said, forgetting how close her words came to disclosing the full truth.

Once they pulled into Kirsten's driveway, Jimmy got out to help her to the front door. Julie was watching intently and they both knew it. "Thank you for not saying any more to Julie."

"I did it for her, not you." She said, reaching her front door.

"I'm sorry that things turned out the way they did." Jimmy said to her back. She didn't want to even look at him.

"No you're not. You told Sandy you weren't sorry for anything. You can stop pretending with me."

"You know me too well." He tried to smile.

She turned back around to face him, seeing Julie through the windshield out of the corner of her eye. "You don't know me at all. You don't know how badly I just want to get away from you right now and forever." She turned back around and went into her house, slamming the door on Jimmy like she should have done the very first night she cheated on Sandy.

While Kirsten was out all night, Sandy and Ryan spent the evening in. Ryan made a point to have dinner with Sandy at his house, knowing how lonely he was. After dinner, Sandy surprised Ryan and took two beers out of the fridge.

As he handed one to Ryan, he spoke firmly. "I want to have a beer and not drink alone. I figure you are probably doing this with your friends anyway, but I rather have you do it with me here."

Ryan didn't know what to say. "Thanks. I think. Should I worry that you know too much of what goes on here?" He asked referring to Berkeley life as a freshman.

"Not much goes on that I don't know about." Sandy smiled, taking a big sip from his bottle.

"I doubt that."

"What does that mean?" Sandy was intrigued.

Ryan wasn't sure if he should continue because he was about to really embarrass Sandy. "Have you noticed that you classes are starting to get really crowded?" Ryan asked.

Sandy wondered how Ryan knew that considering he wasn't in any of them. "Okay, I'll bite."

"Word spreads pretty fast around here and it's no secret that the women on this campus are infatuated with you."

Sandy chuckled, thinking Ryan was just joking. When Ryan didn't crack a smile, Sandy knew he was serious. "What are you talking about?"

"Well, my roommate, Greg Hartley is in your Politics class. He has no idea that you and I are..." Ryan struggled with what to say.

"Family?" Sandy helped him.

"Yeah. So he keeps telling me that your class is filled with first, second and now third year female students that are only taking your class so they..." Ryan felt uncomfortable with this part of the story.

"Don't stop now!" Sandy laughed.

"So they can see if you are the type of professor that would date students." Ryan took another sip of his beer, thankful Sandy gave it to him to calm his nerves.

"Date them?"

"Well, they didn't use the word 'date'. They used much more graphic descriptions, which to be honest, makes my stomach turn a little bit."

"Really?" Sandy said with a toothy grin on his face.

"Please don't ask me any more about it."

"Okay." Sandy said sitting back in his chair, thinking about what Ryan told him. Although it was flattering, he would never act on such a thing. He only truly wanted one woman.

Ryan noticed Sandy smile fade as he was deep in thought. "Sandy?" Ryan broke Sandy from thoughts of Kirsten. "I know you would never date students, but you should think about moving on. As much as I would like to see you and Kirsten back together, I know the timing is off."

"I'm not ready Ryan. I thought I was with Nicole, but I'm not."

"Kirsten would hate to see you like this. She wouldn't want you to be this lonely."

"Do you think she is this lonely?" He couldn't help but ask. He and Kirsten rarely spoke about their relationship anymore.

"I think she is trying to keep busy. I spoke to her earlier and she was going out tonight with Julie and the rest of the Newpsies."

"That sounds like trouble!" Sandy joked, but his mind reflected back to what Ryan said.

After finishing their beers, Sandy walked Ryan to the front door. It was much later than Ryan planned to stay. "You know, you could always crash here if you like." Sandy knew he was grasping at straws.

"If you claim to know what goes on in the dorms, why would I want to crash here?" He joked.

"This is true." He said sadly. Suddenly the phone rang and Sandy checked the called ID. It was his home phone number. "It's Kirsten." He told Ryan before he hit the button to connect the call.

"You better get that then." Ryan winked. "See you tomorrow." He called back over his shoulder as he made his way out of the house.

He lifted the phone to his ear and suddenly he was nervous. It was really late for Kirsten to be calling, let alone after a night out if what Ryan said was true.

"Hello?"

"Hi." She said softly, expecting him to know it was her.

"Hello?" Sandy called again pretending he didn't know who it was.

There was a pause and Sandy was trying to contain his laughter. "Sandy?" She asked, now concerned she might have the wrong number.

"Kirsten?" He asked.

"Yeah. It's me."

"Is everything okay?" He asked, knowing it probably was and that she just had too much to drink.

"It's fine." She was quiet for another second before she asked. "Is it too late to call?"

"No, it's fine. Ryan just left."

"He did?" She wished she were living as close to either of her sons for them to visit her.

"Yeah. He granted an old man some company."

"How are you?" It was a stupid question when they spoke not that long ago.

He couldn't do this. As much as he wanted to tell her how much he missed her, they made a promise to make things easier. "Kirsten, we shouldn't be doing this. It's only going to make things worse. You and I both know that."

"I just miss you."

"I miss you too." He simply replied like it was a no-brainer. He wanted to change the subject and not dwell on how badly he wanted her to be there with him. "Why are you calling?"

"Well, I went out with Julie tonight."

"I know. Ryan told me."

"You were asking about me?" She loved to tease him.

"Maybe." He said back.

"Well I don't know if I am still obligated to tell you these things. I mean obligated is the wrong word. I don't know if you still would even care, but we missed our ride home and Julie had Jimmy pick us up."

At first, Sandy found the way she was speaking, humorous. But at the mention of Jimmy's name, he felt sick. This once again proved moving to Berkeley was the right thing for him.

"I saw Jimmy tonight." She said again when he didn't respond.

Sandy felt anger creep up on him, but quickly subdued it. "Please tell me you now understand why I am here and you are there?" He asked.

"I get it. I'm really do." She wanted to tell him that she didn't want to see Jimmy. She didn't care if she ever spoke to him again. "It wasn't my idea to call him." When she heard nothing, she felt the need to break the awkward silence. "I'm sure you don't really care, but a part of me wants to let you know how serious I take being honest with you."

He knew her guilt led her to tell him these types of things. "Kirsten, we just have to believe..."

She cut him off, wishing she never made this call in the first place. "Fate. I know. I'm patiently waiting."

The third week into the new semester, Seth felt a little homesick. He never thought he would miss Newport so much, but he tried to remember that his whole family was no longer there anyway. He was seeing Summer much more than he expected which he thought would have been great, but in the matter of three weeks, Summer seemed to be changing.

He needed to ask someone who had some experience with this kind of thing.

"Hello?"

"Dad? Hey, it's Seth." Not that Seth wanted to hear about his father's sex life while he was in college, but he knew Sandy Cohen always dispersed good advice.

"How's my east coast son?" Sandy asked.

"I'm okay. How is Berkeley? You see Ryan much?"

"It's good. Everything is going well. My classes are tougher than I thought they would be."

"You should try taking them."

"Are you okay? Are you struggling with your schoolwork?" Sandy knew his son was bright, but it was always a parent's concern.

"No, they're okay. How's Ryan doing?"

"He's good. He's making tons of friends." How did Seth not know this already? "Haven't you spoken to him?"

"I have, but Ryan never goes too deep with the things going on in his life. Well, except for the girls he's been seeing!"

"Girls?" Sandy asked. How did he not know there were girls in Ryan's life? "He's been dating?"

"Yeah Dad. 'Dating'. That is what they are calling it."

Sandy laughed at his son, but he knew there was something else he wanted to talk about. "Are we going to talk about Ryan or are you going to tell me the real reason why you called?"

"Keep in mind before you answer this, that I don't want any descriptive details, okay?" Seth knew his father and he knew how he could get.

"You've got a lot of rules for someone who needs something."

"It's just..." Seth struggled with what to say. "Being in Rhode Island with Summer was supposed to be fantastic. Although we are going to separate schools, I thought that would be good for us too."

"Are things not going well?" Sandy felt bad because he knew Summer was his life.

"They are okay. I just thought this was going to be the perfect set up, but it's not."

"Well, tell me what's wrong."

"I just can't picture living like this for four years. Summer is already changing and I feel like I am staying the same."

Sandy felt terrible, knowing college students change a billion times before they figure out who they are and find themselves. "Seth, is it possible that maybe you are changing too?"

"I don't know." This next part was what Seth as fearing. "When you were at Berkeley with Mom, did it ever get boring with all the monotony and constant being together?"

"Life was never boring with your mother, especially when we were in college."

"No details Dad." Seth felt he needed to be reminded of that. "How did you keep it interesting?"

Sandy could have answered that several different ways, but he didn't know how much his son could take. "We did lots of things to never get bored with each other. We became involved with each other's interests even if we didn't enjoy it. We made sacrifices for each other and sexually, well, sometimes you need to spice things up. There's foreplay and role playing and..."

"Dad! I did not want to hear that!"

"Well you asked and I assume you were asking on an emotional level as well as a sexual one, right?"

Seth was embarrassed, but knew his father was right. "Right."

"If you and Summer are meant to be together, things will work itself out. Sometimes you have to let something go, to see if it has a way of coming back around, even if it hurts."

"Is that what you and Mom are doing?"

"In a way." He simply replied, not expressing that he was losing faith.

"Thanks Dad."

As Sandy walked over to his next class, he looked around at all the special spots on this campus that he held close to his heart. When Seth was discussing his monotonous relationship with Summer, it brought back memories of Kirsten's frustration with him and their own monotony.

_They were through the battles of meeting each other's family and worrying about invading each other's personal space. They were past the stage of wondering how the other felt, both professing their love for one another._

_After celebrating their one-year anniversary, the novelty of their relationship wore off a bit and it started to worry Kirsten. They were in the middle of their Friday night ritual of hanging out after classes, making love, grabbing dinner and going out to meet their friends. As they were lying in bed, Kirsten could help but wonder why they did the exact same thing every single Friday night._

_"Are you bored with me?"_

_"That's a loaded question which was probably spurred by some thoughts going on up there." He said kissing the top of her head._

_"Are you?" She asked again, rolling her naked body onto her stomach and looking up at him to see the look on his face._

_"Not at all." he said, leaning down to kiss her again. "Are you?" He asked, a little worried._

_"No." That was all she said before putting her head back down on his chest._

_"Well that's not convincing at all."_

_She pushed herself up to make eye contact, pulling her sheets closer to her chest to cover her breasts. "It's just that we do the same thing all the time and I don't want us to become boring. I don't want you to get bored and one day walk out of my life."_

_"That's never going to happen, but if you want, I'm willing to do anything to ease your mind."_

_She leaned up toward his lips, using one hand to hold the sheets and the other to brush her hand through his hair. "Anything?"_

_"Well, if you're suggesting role playing or possibly a threesome, then yes anything. But if you are thinking bestiality or something equally sick, then no." He joked._

_"Role playing?"_

_"I don't know. What did you have in mind?"_

_"Well I was thinking more along the lines of handcuffs or foreplay with certain foods. Apparently you were thinking of going a different way." She said with an eyebrow raised. "A threesome? Is that a secret fantasy of yours or something?"_

_"I think every guy dreams of that, but it's not something I could actually do. I think you are more than I could handle." He said pulling her closer to him so he could kiss her, massaging his tongue with hers._

_"Good. I like that you feel like that." She said smiling._

_He smiled back, rolling them both over so he was on top. "Just so you know..." He kissed her passionately again, rubbing his growing groin against hers. "I'm up for any of those things you suggested."_

Sandy continued walking to the political science building, hoping he gave Seth the right advice. He was happy that Seth felt comfortable enough to talk to him about such things, even if it was an awkward conversation.

One he made his way to his lecture hall, he opened the door and realized his class was much more crowded than it had been over the past two weeks. He thought about what Ryan said about the female students and recognized that there was a lot more women in the class.

These girls looked so young. Partially he was flattered, but mostly it only made him feel like an old man. _If only they flocked to him like this when he was a student_, he thought. As he started his class, all this attention only made him miss Kirsten more.

As time passed, Kirsten just felt the loneliness creep into her emotions deeper and deeper. She kept trying to throw herself into her work, but there were too many distractions. The main one being Carter. She tried to keep her distance from him, knowing he was not what she ultimately wanted. The admiration was nice and boosted her self-esteem, but she didn't want to give him to wrong idea.

She thought about giving things with him another try and this time being more open-minded about him. They were just thoughts though. She knew if she acted on this, she wouldn't be happy. She stayed away from Jimmy as well. After their last altercation, she came to the conclusion that if he truly cared about her, he would have tried to understand her. If he wanted to maintain a friendship with her, he would have understood how heart broken she was, instead of making her situation more complicated. She used to think Jimmy was her oldest, dearest friend, but now she knew he was nothing of the sort. He was a manipulative, jealous, coward who never intended to be her friend. That hurt her more than he would ever understand.

Julie knew that her heart was broken and did everything in her power to cheer her up. She was grateful for that, but hated knowing she and Jimmy were on the road to getting back together. She knew he would hurt her because that was what he did. He was so selfish that he only cared about himself and his self-gain.

She knew there was only one single thing on Earth that would make her happy. The only problem was that one thing was eight hours away.

It only took another week for Kirsten to figure out what needed to be done. It wasn't like this great revelation came to her one night. It was something that had been playing on her mind for the past four weeks. It had been four weeks since she spent that incredible night with Sandy. She just needed to find the courage to turn her thoughts into action.

It was time for her to make her own fate.

Sandy tried to convince her that fate was something that would magically happen. A force greater than the both of them would magically bring them back together. She knew Sandy was a dreamer and believed in all this crap, but she didn't. She needed to take control of the situation and make sure she took ownership of their fate.

Enough was enough!

The prior week, Sandy and Kirsten had their normal conversation about the boys. Sandy reassured her that Ryan was adjusting well. He didn't tell her, that according to Seth, he was adjusting a little too well. That was not what a mother wanted to hear. He knew how Kirsten would immediately worry about the countless girls Sandy started to notice Ryan with on a daily basis.

Sandy also disclosed the conversation he had with Seth about his concerns with his relationship with Summer. She asked how he handled it and all he said was he did his best. That wasn't good enough for Kirsten and wanted to talk to Seth directly.

It was a Monday night and she was just finishing up at her office. It was later on the east coast and figured she would call him. She tapped her fingers nervously and she heard the line ringing. She didn't want Seth to think she was intruding, but her son loved to talk and she wanted him to know she was there.

"Hello? Summer?"

"No sweetie, it's mom."

"Mom? Sorry, I thought you might be Summer." Seth sounded so disappointed.

"Nope. Just me. How are you doing? You don't sound so good."

"I'm doing okay."

"Seth!" She scolded, knowing there was something wrong.

"It's just Summer. You cannot believe how much she is changing."

Kirsten wanted to comfort her son, but wanted to be honest with him as well. "Everyone changes at college. It's all part of the process. I was a completely different person from the time I entered to the time I got out."

"Yeah, but Dad changed you."

"Maybe, but I would like to think I did some of it on my own."

"Yeah, well that's the problem. I am part of the old Summer. I don't think there is room for me in her life."

"I doubt that. I think Summer loves you very much, but you have to accept the changes that come your way."

"I guess you're right." He said, still sounding down.

"Seth, if it's meant to be, you and Summer will end up together." She wanted to reassure him. "If you're willing to fight for it and work hard at it, then the end result will be the same, no matter how much the two of you change."

Seth knew she wasn't just talking about him and Summer anymore. "Do you really believe that? Even about you and Dad?"

She didn't know how to answer him. "I want to believe that."

"What is going on with you two?"

"I'm working on it." She simply replied, not wanting to give too much away.

"Do you think things will ever go back to normal?" He said, craving a little normalcy in his life.

"I'm working on that too." She couldn't help but smile at the prospect of them being a truly happy family.

It was a Thursday afternoon and Sandy was grateful for that. Thursday was a light day for him and he and Ryan had established some sort of ritual. After his last class, Ryan would meet him at the lecture hall and they would have dinner together.

Sandy knew that Ryan probably had a million better things to do, but he wasn't about to point them out to him. Sometimes, he felt like Ryan was his only friend in Berkeley.

Sandy was just about to end his class when he heard some mumblings from the back of the room. "Does anyone have a question back there?" When there was no response, he continued. "You guys can always pop by my office to discuss any questions you have with the course." He started to erase the dry erase board, continuing to speak. "So that concludes civil rights liberties as a comparison to active liberties." He turned around and once again noticed people talking in the back of the class. He tried to ignore them as he spoke louder. "Next week we will start with litigation and the following week with malpractices. Don't worry, I'll cover all the scams that go along with malpractice suits."

The entire class laughed and something as simple as that made Sandy's day. It meant that they were at the very least listening to him. "Does anybody have any questions?" He always ended his class like this because he remembered that he hated the professors that didn't encourage questions. As a student, it made him feel uncomfortable and almost fearful to dare ask anything.

He also knew that ninety nine percent of the time, no one would dare ask anything in front of the whole class. They had better things to do than sit and listen to him go on and on about something. He started to gather his belongings from his desk, shuffling papers into folders and placing object in his briefcase.

Today was one of those rare days.

"Professor Cohen, will we be covering marital law at all this semester?"

With his head down, he hid the look of shock on his face. He knew that voice, but at first he thought he was imagining it. He slowly looked up, his eyes searching for what he could only wish was not a dream. In the midst of Berkeley sophomores and juniors, there sat his Kirsten.

He slowly smiled and wanted to yell at every single one of his students to get the hell out of there so he and Kirsten could finally do this. It was a moment that Sandy felt like forever to come. He struggled to remain calm, starting to think that maybe what was going on in his head was not going on in her heart.

His eyes stayed focused on hers and he spoke like they were the only two in the room, ignoring the one hundred and twelve pairs of eyes. "We will be covering that later on in the semester." When she simply nodded, he decided to continue this game in front of their audience. "But feel free to ask me something if it's on your mind."

She smiled back, realizing that Sandy was pushing her and she was fine with that. "Well, after a year of legal separation, if there are no proceedings to take steps to divorce, do you have to re-file for that separation?"

He was taken back. Why was she asking that? It was over a year for them. "It depends on the state in which you live. For example, in California, you will continue to be legally separated until you file for a reverse action. There is no expiration or timeline for divorce proceedings to begin."

Kirsten was the one wondering now. Did he want to start the divorce proceedings? She needed to give it one more shot. "How often does that really happen?"

"What's that?" Sandy asked, not believing that this many students were sticking around for this. Again he wished they had dismissed themselves, so he could ask Kirsten straight out why she was there. _She looked absolutely amazing_, he thought. It was the first time in years that she looked stress-free.

"Percentage-wise, how often does it happen where people file for a reverse action?" She said, trying to get her thoughts across, without giving away too much in front of Sandy's pupils.

He was thrilled to hear where she was going with this, but knew he was about to disappoint her with his answer. "Not very often." He spoke sadly. "Probably only two to three percent"

She spun it around to lift his spirits again. "Well those people must be very lucky." She said with a huge grin.

He had nothing else to say to her right at that moment. He wanted to finish this conversation without an audience watching them. "Okay guys, if that's it, I'll see you on Tuesday. Make sure you do your reading, so if there happens to be a quiz, you'll be prepared." He couldn't take his eyes off of Kirsten. He wanted to make sure she still was really there. He was afraid to look away, as if she would disintegrate into the cool air.

The students started to file out as Sandy made one last call out. "There will be a quiz if you didn't catch it the first time."

Kirsten stayed seated and watched her husband in amazement. He really was meant for this job. She always thought he was a brilliant lawyer, but this was his true calling. He still looked as handsome as ever and she watched as the numerous girls in his class surrounded his desk to speak with him after the lecture.

His nonverbal behavior made her laugh. He kept running his hands through his longer hair. He only did that when he was nervous. She kept her eyes on him and caught his eyes as he searched her out every few seconds. She waited patiently.

"Are you a new student here? I haven't seen you around campus." A handsome younger boy about her sons' age asked.

She smiled warmly. "No, I'm actually a graduate of Berkeley." She looked away and looked at Sandy. There were a few girls still there, but she could see he was ushering them out.

"Are you interested in law and decided to take this class?"

Kirsten knew this kid was hitting on her and it was amusing. He was a kid. She looked back over at Sandy and he was finally alone. She kept her eyes on him as she spoke. "No, I heard so much about Professor Cohen, I just decided to check out his act." She said it loud enough so Sandy would hear her.

"You and every other girl on this campus." He muttered as he walked away from Kirsten and past Sandy. "See you next week, Mr. Cohen."

He stayed at the front of the room and she didn't dare get out of her seat. They both watched as the door closed behind the young man and looked back at each other. They were finally alone.

"Hi." She said in a very low tone.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, still not believing she was in the same room as her.

"I'm not really sure." She said, which was the truth. Why did she come? She knew what she wanted, but was it what he wanted? She decided to change the subject. "You looked great up there."

"Thanks." He said shyly. He started to make his way up the lecture hall steps and toward her.

"Tell me why you came." He needed for her to speak first.

She took a deep breath, knowing it was now or never. "I came up here to visit you. I missed you so much. These past four weeks have been unbearable. I miss Ryan and Seth too."

He took a seat next to her and turned his body so they were facing each other. "That's understandable. I miss Seth and you too, and I have Ryan here with me. I can't imagine how this has been for you."

"That's not all. I have so much more I want to say right now, I'm just afraid of how you are going to react."

Sandy was hoping she was going to say what was going through his mind, but he had to make things clear before she started, "You never have to be afraid, but before you say anything, you have to promise me something."

"Anything."

"What you are about to say is not because you are lonely, but because you really feel and want what is going through your heart."

"I can't deny that I am lonely, but I have been lonely for the past year. You of all people should know the depth of that."

He knew.

She continued forward. "You told me to be patient, which is something I have never been good at. You told me to let fate take part in this dance, which you know I really don't believe in. I tried Sandy. I really did, but …"

She started to cry, but maintained her vocals so she could get out what she wanted.

Sandy was starting to think that this was going in a completely different direction. "It's okay. Let's just get this over with so we can move on." He was dreading the next part, afraid that his dreams were about to be crushed.

"I can't wait for fate to play a role in our lives when I don't really believe it exists in the first place. I'm sorry I am here right now and putting you on the spot, but I can't do this anymore."

"Tell me what you want." He said, trying to remain calm.

Again she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She cupped his face, loving this man so much it hurt inside. "I want to be your lover and I want to be your friend. I want to be there when you wake up in the morning and when you go to sleep at night. I can't live away from you anymore and I can't wait for fate to maybe one day help us sort this out."

Sandy was stunned, but recovered quickly. There was so much to consider. "I can't move back to Newport. You just said you understood why I am here."

"I know that. You're too good at what you do for me to ask that of you." She smiled briefly before turning serious again. She was nervous, but figured she came this far, she might as well go all the way. "I miss you and the marriage we built. I know we can never go back, but I don't want to go forward without you in my life. We can build a new life, here in Berkeley."

"You would move here?" He blurted it out because he was in shock.

"I would move to the moon if you asked." She said smiling. "After all that we've been through, you're a part of me I can't seem to let go."

"Kirsten, what about the house? The Newport Group? Your life?" He was always worried about her.

"I found a buyer for the house and I don't really care about The Newport Group. And my life is always going to be wherever you are."

Sandy couldn't believe how serious she was. "God, Kirsten, I think you have rendered me speechless, which is very hard to do."

"In a good way?" She was worried because he still didn't disclose how he felt.

"In the best way possible." He said running his hands through her long blonde hair. "You cannot imagine how much I missed you." He moved his hands to the back of her head and kissed her roughly. He knew where he wanted this to end up and that as back at his place. He had been dreaming of this moment for four weeks now.

She parted her lips and searched out his tongue with hers. He moved his hands down her back willing her closer although the lecture hall seats were making that impossible. They were so into enjoying each other's embrace that they didn't hear the lecture hall door open.

Ryan knew he was a little bit late to meet Sandy, but he hadn't expected to walk in on this. He recognized Sandy but he had no idea who the blonde with the long legs was that he was practically mauling.

He cleared his throat and suddenly Sandy pulled away from the woman and looked in his direction. The woman just put her head down, not daring to face him.

"Ryan." Sandy said, not knowing how to explain this.

Not even a second went by that the woman spun around to face him. He couldn't believe it was Kirsten. He couldn't have been happier.

"Oh Ryan." Kirsten said, getting up from the chair and making her way down the steps and to her son. "It's so good to see you."

Sandy watched as Ryan and Kirsten embraced, almost in shock that this was going to be his life.

"What are you doing up here?" Ryan asked the obvious.

"I just missed you guys so much, I couldn't stay away."

"Clearly." Ryan said, making a joke about witnessing their passionate kiss. He could tell from the looks on their faces that they didn't have an explanation. He tried to ease some of the awkwardness. "Sandy, I was just popping by to tell you that I am not going to be able to make dinner tonight. I have a date so can we catch up tomorrow?"

Sandy knew what he was doing and couldn't be more grateful. Kirsten, on the other hand, felt the need to briefly stop him from leaving. "You know, I have been hearing a lot about you and all these dates you seem to be going on."

"Seth!" Ryan muttered under his breath.

She wanted to lecture him on being careful and treating girls with respect, but she realized that wasn't what he needed. Ryan and Sandy had survived without her. She didn't need to come down on him. "You should really shave. The facial hair is really not you." She left it at that.

"I knew that wouldn't have taken long.' He joked. "Will you be here tomorrow?" Again she didn't want to put them on the spot, so he kept talking. He felt like Seth. "We can meet for lunch if you guys want."

"That would be great." Kirsten said.

"Come by the house around one?"

Ryan didn't exactly know what was going on, but he knew Kirsten would be staying the night. He didn't want to think about the things that were going to be done in that house, if that kiss was anything to go by.

"Why don't we meet at my dorm so Kirsten can see it?" He suggested. "As long as I don't hear anymore mid-eighties Berkeley takes from your past."

Kirsten hugged him again. "That sounds great."

Kirsten watched as Ryan headed out and Sandy made his way down the steps toward his beautiful wife. He encircled his arms around her and pulled her close. "I can't believe you are really here right now."

"I don't know why it took me this long to get here. I knew from the moment you walked out of our bedroom four weeks ago that was I was going to end up here. You and your stupid ideas." Her eyes danced playfully as she waited for his reaction.

Sandy pulled back, trying to read her. "My stupid ideas?" He asked smiling, not feeling this happy in a very long time.

"Yeah, if I listened to you, I would still be in Newport."

"Well, for the record, I wanted you here the whole time."

She leaned in for another kiss, never wanting the kisses to end. "That was what I was hoping for."

He leaned in and kissed her and it didn't take long for Sandy to feel that growing sensation in his groin. She always did that to him. He pushed her back against his desk and she felt him beneath her. She pulled her lips back, but his just moved to her neck as she spoke. "Maybe we should go back to your house," Her head turned from one side to the other as she ran her hands though his hair.

He looked her in the eye as he spoke. "It's our house."

"Our house." She replied back to him.

He smiled. "That's an excellent idea.

Sandy gave Kirsten a very unique tour of the house. They kissed deeply against the front door as he unlocked it without looking. He pushed her up against the foyer table. "What do you think of the foyer?" He asked.

She didn't take her eyes off of him. "It's very nice." She didn't even see it.

He walked them back into the living room as she unbuttoned his shirt. This time she spun them around and pushed him onto the couch as his shirt was flung over the back of it. "Nice sofa." She remarked.

She straddled him when he decided she was too overdressed for this tour. His fingers played with the hem of her shirt, before pulling it roughly over her head. "Nice bra." He said back. His head nestled into her breast, missing how good her body felt after all these years.

He wanted her so badly but it wasn't going to be in the living room. He wanted to make love to her in the bedroom. In their bedroom and in their bed. He used the muscles in his arms and legs to lift them up off the couch and she instinctively wrapped her legs around his waist.

"Want to see the kitchen?" He asked playfully.

"I want to see everything." She really didn't care about the house right now.

He carried them to the kitchen and placed her on the countertop. She struggled with the button of his pants as she spoke. "Not half as cold as marble." She joked, recalling the last time Sandy placed her on a countertop. Once she undid the button and lowered the zipper, he assisted her as his pants pooled to the kitchen floor. Her eyes were drawn to his erection and how badly his penis needed to be freed. "Nice boxers." She joked.

"Nothing about the kitchen?" He asked, as he scooped her up and started carrying her out.

"I'm only interested in seeing the bedroom." She kissed him slowly and seductively.

Once they arrived, they made the sweetest love that they had missed for so long. The kisses were sensual, the touches were deliberate and the passion was intense.

They were lying in bed with Kirsten's head on his chest as they each held one another's hand. Sandy was absent-mindedly playing with her ring finger, loving that she still wore her rings. "Wow, that was …" She started to say.

"..sorely missed." He finished for her. "I still can't believe you are here."

"I'm sorry." She said suddenly. "I just want you to know that what I did is the single most inconsiderate and stupid thing I have ever done. I never could love anyone like I do you. I'm so sorry."

"I know you are." He said, playing with her long blonde hair. "It took me awhile to realize it, but I truly believe you. If I didn't think so, we wouldn't be here right now."

"Good." She said. "I'm glad you know that."

They were both silent for a little while, lost in their own thoughts.

"If you could turn back time, what would you do different?" He asked her.

"I think the answer to that is obvious." She said sadly.

"No, I mean over the past year."

"I guess I would have never sent you those separation papers and I would have definitely told you from the beginning that Ryan knew all along."

He smiled, knowing that she recognized her mistakes. He knew she fought hard for him and it ended them up here with the exception of those few road bumps she mentioned.

"What about you?" She asked.

"Well, for starters, I should have never slept with Nicole. It felt so good to get revenge, but as I look back on it now, it was a mistake. It only made me feel worse about myself."

She didn't think she could love him more, but there was still one more thing that played on her mind. "When you look back on your life, do you feel like you should have done something different?"

"That's a loaded question."

"Well, there's a reason why I asked it." She playfully retorted.

He slowly rolled on top of her, wanting to feel her body underneath his. "I guess I would have tried to talked you into staying in Berkeley in the first place. I understood why we left, but I never pushed to come back. It would have been better for my relationship with your father, I wouldn't have had to deal with the Newpies…" He smiled as he said that part, but turned serious again. "…and it would have been better for Seth."

"Seth?" She asked.

"I think he would have fit in better here. I would have liked to raise him in a town where people actually had to work hard for what they earn. You know?" He knew she understood that he meant Newport as a whole, not their household.

He was still lying on top of her, his hands on the sheets, holding some of his weight. She brushed her hands through his hair once and then cupped his face. "Well, what if you had the chance to do it again?" She asked, hoping he would catch on.

"I think it's a little too late for that." He didn't.

"What if it wasn't?" She asked again, her eyes pleading with him to understand her.

"What?" He asked, starting to understand what she was saying. He slowly rolled to one side, now afraid that he was crushing her.

She took his hand and placed it on her lower naked abdomen. Her eyes watched his hand tense as the realization set in. She looked back at him and she had tears in her eyes. "You're going to get that chance, Sandy."

He could feel the puddles forming. "You're pregnant?"

She just nodded because this was the moment that she was speechless.

A smile started to spread on his face, but his eyes were still disbelieving. "Really?"

She simply nodded again. "Go ahead. I know you have a million questions." She could see the wheels turning in his head.

"How did this happen?"

"That was one question I thought you would already have an answer to."

He realized how stupid that was, but he was stunned. "When?"

"The night you left. I missed my period and took a test."

"How come you waited until now to tell me?"

"I found out on Mounday, but it was after I decided to put the house up for sale. I didn't tell you until now because I don't want you to think for a single second that I came here to be with you solely for the baby. That couldn't be further from the truth. This was just the added bonus."

His hand started to massage her stomach. "I didn't think I could have been more stunned when I heard your voice in my class today, but you didn't it. You stunned me again.

"I'm so lucky to have you." She placed her hand on top of his. "This baby is so lucky to have you," She smiled.

He just stared at her in awe before they laid quietly in a comfortable existence. Sandy's laugh brought Kirsten's attention back to him.

"What?"

Sandy kept laughing and laughing. "When the boys do the math, they are going to realize that you and I were sneaking around."

--

--

_**There's your happy ending! Please review! I was going to write one more chapter set in the future even though the story is pretty wrapped up. Hit that button and tell me what you think!**_


	28. Full Circle

_**I know, I know! It took forever. But on a positive note, I did finish it in under a year! Almost 200,000 words and over 400 hundred reviews, you guys made writing this worthwhile!**_

_**Special thanks to KrabbyPatty, Cohenwannabe, Panzie and SexyEm who I bounced ideas off of from time to time.**_

_**Megan, Jen, Moviesareourbusiness, Tiffany, bluetoffee, PrettyinPink9787, perla25 - Thanks for the reviews**_

_**4everKandy -I wasn't going to write the scene with Kandy telling the boys, but you talked me into it.**_

_**NewCastle81 - 5 stars? Wow!**_

_**KrabbyPatty - Thanks for the long review. I had the classroom idea in mind for awhile and I was hoping everyone would see it like you did - a movie! I think we share a brain because you guessed the parallel I was going for!**_

_**Stripscrabble - Glad you liked the classroom bit. Speechless is good, right? **_

_**SexyEm - Thanks for noticing truly how lonely Sandy and Kirsten were without each other. I wasn't sure if I pulled that off well. You're review cracked me up that you were as excited as Sandy that she was sitting in his lecture. Thanks for the quote and all the wonderful compliments!**_

_**Robbie - I feel like you are the only one that is going to miss the fiction. As much as I hate angst, I really enjoy writing it.**_

_**Slinn01 - I'm a fan of the grand gesture too. Thanks for the quote!!**_

_**Jennyloveskandy - Glad I changed your mind about the happy ending! Thanks for the quote. As for the pregnancy and alcohol thing...I truly believe this happens a lot where women drink when they don't know they're pregnant. I'm not saying it's right, but it does happen.**_

Panzie - Thank you so much for all the compliments. It means so much coming from you. I'm glad you liked the writing and the execution. Sometimes I think I have a great idea and then have no idea how to put it into play. Glad you enjoyed it!

_**Cohenwannabe - Glad you liked Seth opening up to them. It was something I was really insecure about.**_

_**Kikinjuju - Glad to know that I'm not the only one that happens to. I start reading and then have to wait and continue later on in the day. That drives me nuts! Glad you were happy with the ending.**_

_**Chicaanglaise - A Cheshire cat? That cracked me up! Glad you liked the flashbacks!**_

_**ColeKG - You are not the only one who was on Kirsten's side for this entire fic. I was hoping people would feel like that. I didn't want everyone to hate her. I wanted the reader to accept the fact that she made a mistake. Glad you experienced all those emotions.**_

_**ILoveKandy - I feel honored that you left a review for me since you never have done it before. Not sure if I am going to have Sandy question the paternity. I don't want them to regress when they have come so far. Having him question it would mean that he thought she was still capable of that type of behavior, ya know? I'm rambling now! Glad this chapter made you smile and you definitely gave me some ideas to write a Berkeley fic.**_

_**Hop on the ride one more time...**_

It had been six years. Six happy and wonderful years had gone by in a flash. Kirsten thought so anyway. Six years ago her life was so discombobulated and there was no telling what her future held. Taking a chance and playing a hand of fate landed her back in Berkeley with the one and only person she truly wanted. That was six years ago.

Now she lies in her bed and knows that couldn't be further from the truth. Now there wasn't only one person she truly wanted, but two. The second being her beautiful daughter that filled the emptiness in her and Sandy's life. Sophie Rose was a true blessing and having the opportunity to watch Sandy help raise their daughter was a gift from God.

Their house was filled with laughter again and it was something they truly missed that first semester that the boys were away from them.

Kirsten didn't want to tell the boys of her pregnancy until she was through her first trimester. She knew that she was now in her forties and the chances of a miscarriage were likely. Sandy wanted to tell them immediately, but respected Kirsten's wishes, not wanting to upset her. He was just so happy that she changed her entire life around to be with him. He didn't want her to ever regret that decision.

_Her first trimester would be over around Thanksgiving and she figured she would be able to tell the boys in person. Seth would be coming home for the holiday and Summer would be joining him. Although they were having some problems, the Cohens were Summer's family and Seth knew she didn't want to spend the holiday in Seattle. They would work through it._

_With Ryan already in Berkeley, their family would all be in tact. Kirsten knew that both the boys were adjusting to the fact that Kirsten moved to Berkeley and what that meant for all of them. Deep down, the boys were thrilled, but they were tentative to believe it was for real. The past year had been such a rollercoaster ride that no one wanted to take anything for granted._

_Now Kirsten was going to drop another bombshell on them._

_Thanksgiving approached and Kirsten was losing her nerve. She was so thankful this year to have Sandy at her side. He found her in the kitchen that morning wondering what had her so deep in thought._

_"Hey." He said lightly, not wanting to startle her._

_She spun around to face him. "Are the boys up?"_

_He made his way over and without hesitation, circled her waist with his arms. He smiled, loving his that she was a part of his life. "You look beautiful."_

_She smiled back. "I look bloated."_

_He leaned in and kissed her deeply, reluctant to let go. Their tongues dueled briefly before she closed her mouth slowly and pulled back. "I'll take that as a no."_

_He looked puzzled and she continued. "The boys are still sleeping."_

_"They are, as well as Summer." He let go of her waist and she turned back to the counter to continue working on her meal. He kept his voice low as he spoke. "Is it okay that Summer slept upstairs with Seth?"_

_She looked at him like he was crazy. "He's away at school with her. I'm sure it's not the first time they shared a bed, Sandy." She said knowingly._

_"You're probably right."_

_"Are you ready for tonight?" She asked._

_"Are you?"_

_"Not in the least."_

_"We'll get through it together, I promise."_

_"I am so grateful that we are standing here together."_

_"Me too." He whispered back._

_Later that evening, they were all gathered around the table, finishing their Thanksgiving meal. Kirsten knew it was time, but Sandy took the reigns. "So, your mother and I have some news that we wanted to share with you in person."_

_Seth looked over at Ryan and rolled his eyes. Ever since his parents reunited, they always felt the need to do everything together. He didn't want to even think of what some of those things were._

_"I saw that." Kirsten said, jolting Seth out of his miserable thoughts. She smiled, loving how comfortable everyone was now that things were back to normal. For the next minute or so at least, she couldn't help thinking._

_"In person? Is everything okay?" Ryan found it weird that they said nothing to him, and he was at the house at least a few times a week. What was so important that they had to wait for Seth to come home?_

_"Well that depends on how you take this piece of information." Sandy said with a goofy grin on his face._

_Summer finally spoke up, when she saw Sandy's smile. "So it's not bad news?" _

_"We don't think so." Kristen replied._

_"Just tell us already!" Seth was like his father. He always grew impatient._

_Kirsten reached for Sandy's hand underneath the table, craving the encouragement she needed. "You both are going to have a new sibling soon."_

_Ryan was speechless._

_Seth was dumbfounded._

_Summer couldn't help but smile._

_"So, you decided to grant your guardianship to another brooding teenager? You really should have asked Ryan first since..."_

_Seth started rambling, not even opening his mind to the possibility of a baby entering all their lives._

_Ryan knew they weren't talking about another teenager. His mind immediately drifted to the baby arena. He knew the idea of Kirsten getting pregnant was not out of the realm of possibility. He knew they had a healthy sex life. _

_Seth was still rambling on when Ryan decided to put out that fire. He kept his eyes fixated on Sandy and Kirsten, trying to read them and figure out if he was right. "I don't think they are talking about a teenager." He said skeptically._

_"Ryan's right." Kirsten spoke softly, clearly embarrassed about the situation. It's not like she wanted to explain to her eighteen year old sons that she loved having sex with her husband. Plus, she hated to use contraceptive devices. Not a very good message to deliver to her sons._

_"What do you mean?" Seth said, more confusion setting in. _

_"I think you are going to have a baby sibling." Summer said._

_"What?" Seth said louder than he intended._

_"Am I right?" Summer could only hope._

_Ryan stood in complete silence, afraid to make a move._

_Sandy's grin grew, letting them know he was thrilled. "Kirsten's pregnant. We are having a baby."_

_"What? How? When?" Seth rattled off._

_"Wow." Ryan couldn't say much else. "That's so soon." _

_"When are you due?" Summer wanted all the details. Well maybe not all of them, but some specifics would be nice._

_"I'm due at the end of May. I'm going for an ultra sound next week, so I will have a more accurate date."_

_Sandy spoke up again. "Seth, are you okay?"_

_"I just...I'm wondering..." He was at a lost for words. Then he stopped when the timeline seemed off. "That can't be right."_

_"I assure you, everything about this is right." Sandy said softly, looking at Kirsten happier than he had been in a long time. He focused his attention back to Seth, wanting to answer his questions. "I think you are digesting the what, the how I was hoping not to have to explain and the when..."_

_"You mean you are due at the end of June?" Seth was always quick to find the answers._

_Kirsten was afraid of this conversation. "No, the end of May."_

_"Then that would mean that you two..." Realization dawned on Seth, Ryan and Summer all at the same time. _

_"We know what it means." Sandy said, hoping Seth would just drop it._

_"Well are you going to explain yourselves?"_

_"Are you forgetting that we are the parents?" Sandy said sternly._

_"Well considering you are always lecturing us on safe sex, I think you could at least explain."_

_Kirsten finally jumped in. She put a reassuring hand on Sandy's arm. "Sandy, it's okay. He's right." She turned her attention to Seth. "Your father and I have been seeing each other secretly for awhile now, but we weren't sure what was going to happen so we kept it to ourselves."_

_"That's all we are offering." Sandy held Kirsten's hand in his own._

_"Well, I think it's great. Seeing the two of you squirm and actually being uncomfortable with your inappropriate behavior is a nice change."_

_Kirsten smiled and looked at Ryan hoping he would feel the same way. "Congratulations. Finally, I get to be the big brother."_

_Summer gave them a warm smile, but Seth was the one that couldn't let things just be. "So Dad, do we need to have the talk so you don't find yourself in this predicament again?"_

Over the past six years, some things changed and some were still the same. Sandy was still teaching at Berkeley and working part time at the local PD's office. Kirsten didn't want him to take a second job, but Sandy had this thing about providing for his family.

Sandy had kept his word about not touching Kirsten's trust fund money, deciding for her to figure out what she wanted to do with it. That combined with the profit they made from their house in Newport and the sale of The Newport Group landed them a very hefty savings account.

_Sophie was two when Kirsten decided what she wanted to do with the money. She hated seeing Sandy work two jobs when it was completely unnecessary. She was afraid to broach the subject with Sandy because she didn't want him to think for a split second that she was unhappy or her life was unfulfilled. That could be further from the truth. Living with Sandy and Sophie was a dream come true, but she hated being a housewife and always felt like she could be doing more._

_"What's going on?" He asked one evening when he found her on the porch swing deep in thought._

_"You think you know me so well." She teased._

_He leaned down and kissed her lips softly and took a seat on the swing next to her. They sat in a comfortable silence before Sandy broke it. "Sophie asleep?" He asked._

_"Yeah." She took a deeper look into his eyes. "You should get some sleep too. You look exhausted."_

_"Nice try, but I want you to tell me what is going on up there." He kissed her temple, lingering longer than he should have._

_She smiled, loving how he knew her. "I don't know how much longer I can stay home everyday. I think I want to go back to work."_

_"Really?" He was surprised. He had no idea that she wasn't completely happy staying home with Sophie._

_"I just...I can't explain it." She struggled with what to say. "I just need to feel more productive. It's not that I'm not enjoying my time at home with Sophie. You know I am, but sometimes I want to surround myself with adults." She paused, reflecting her own words. "Does that make me a bad mother?"_

_He put his arm around her shoulders. "No. Kirsten, don't ever think that." He pulled her close so she was leaning on him now. "What did you have in mind?"_

_"Well, I was thinking about taking some of our money..."_

_"It's your money." He interrupted._

_She looked up at him, surprised after all these years, he still felt that way. "Anyway, I was thinking about opening up an art gallery. Give it a year or two to get it up and running and then just work part time." She bit her lip, fearing Sandy's response._

_He was surprised at first, but knew this was a buried dream of Kirsten's for years. "I think that's a great idea."_

_"You do?"_

"Yes, I think anything you touch will succeed, but this is something that will have your heart and soul."

Sandy eventually quit working at the PD's office to help Kirsten take care of Sophie and her business that was doing very well.

Ryan graduated Berkeley with honors and got a job at a top-developing firm in San Francisco. Kirsten knew the CEO and made some calls, but Ryan had no idea she had anything to do with it. She knew he would have made it into a firm eventually, but she didn't want to see him struggle. He struggled enough in his life. He was doing very well there and had been promoted twice in the matter of two years with no help from Kirsten.

Seth and Summer got through their issues, but it took a two year separation for them to find each other once again. Summer took a job at G.E.O.R.G.E. and traveled the United States sticking up for what she believed in. Seth graduated from RISD and re-created his graphic novel, which was extremely successful. He was still living on the east coast, but was soon going to propose to Summer and hopefully she would agree to move to Berkeley.

Kirsten rolled over in bed and saw Sandy staring at her. "I hate when you do that." She spoke softly.

"I can't help it."

"Why are you up?" She asked, pulling the sheet over her chest. That was a habit she got into since Sophie always came to visit them in the morning.

"It's a big day for two of our kids. I couldn't sleep."

"Do you think they are going to be okay?"

"Well, I think Sophie will be okay. She is a very outgoing kid. She will make friends fast." It was Sophie's first day of school and although they have been through this before, Sandy and Kirsten were still nervous for their daughter.

"And Seth?" She asked, hoping for the same reassuring answer.

"He'll be fine, but I'm sure he is freaking out in a very Seth sort of way."

"I'm so nervous for him." Seth phoned them a few nights ago and told them that he was going to propose to Summer tonight. He sounded so nervous, but Kirsten helped him plan an elaborate way to propose helping to build his confidence.

"They love each other. They'll be okay. I'm sure we will get a phone call tonight." He suddenly rolled on top and rested a little bit of his weight on her. "Do you know what I think?"

She felt him underneath her. "I have an idea." She leaned up and kissed him quickly.

"We have a few minutes for Sophie gets up. Let's enjoy the quiet while we can." He leaned down and kissed her, begging for entrance. He wanted her to know what he craved. She granted it and grinded her hips against his. She missed having these lazy mornings with her husband.

Suddenly the door burst open. "Mommy, Daddy, get up! It's my first day of school. We have to go! I don't want to be late." As quickly as she entered was as quickly as she fled.

Sandy's lips moved to her chest as he groaned at the interruption. "Ugh, we really need to lock our door."

She pushed Sandy off of her and started to make her way out of bed. "Come on Romeo, we have to get ready. We really have no time for this." She said waving her hands at the bed.

He propped himself up on one elbow. "When are we going to have time for this?"

She sat back down on the bed and leaned toward him. "Tonight, we can celebrate gaining another daughter." She pecked his lips and smiled at the idea of being a mother to Summer. She couldn't wait.

Sophie's first day at school was a success and although Kirsten was relieved, she was still waiting for that phone call from Seth. The night had passed and she figured that maybe they had better things to do like celebrate. She remembered when she and Sandy got engaged, they didn't get out of bed for over twenty four hours. She didn't want to think of her son like that.

As time passed, the more impatient Kirsten grew. She decided to call Seth and find out what happened, but he didn't answer his phone or pick up his cell. She knew there was one other person she could contact.

His voicemail picked up so she decided to leave a message. "Hey Ryan. Sandy and I were wondering if you wanted to come by the house for dinner tonight. Invite Jillian too. Call me back." She could always get Ryan to spill the beans.

Jillian was a girl that Ryan had been dating for the past year. She had been over the house a few times now and Sophie absolutely adored her. Sandy and Kirsten loved her for many reasons, but the main one being that she challenged Ryan. She challenged him intellectually and more importantly, emotionally. Ryan became much more verbal and affectionate with others around him since Jillian came into his life.

When Sandy arrived home, he asked Kirsten about Ryan's phone call he received. "Ryan asked if there was anything he could bring for dinner?" When he entered the dining room, Ryan's phone call was not that strange. He looked that the table set for five and started with his next question. "Did I forget that we were having dinner with him tonight?"

Kirsten smiled at his innocence. "No. I decided this morning to call him. He's bringing Jillian so Sophie is cleaning her room for her arrival."

"So we have a few minutes?" Sandy asked.

Kirsten gave him a knowingly look. She knew what a comment like that from him meant and there was no point in starting something they couldn't finish. "I'd like to think you have more than few minutes in you." She joked about his stamina.

He moved toward her and spun her around to face him. He kissed her, trying to push his tongue in her mouth, which she would not allow. "I can make adjustments to accommodate any certain window of time."

He leaned in and tried again for a deep kiss. She granted it and as their tongues meshed togther, he leaned his groin into her lower half. "I want you so bad right now. Let's go upstairs?" He knew it was a long shot, but had to ask anyway.

She could feel the bulge in his pants and wanted him too. She knew they could be quick and started entertaining thoughts of quickly going to their bedroom. The doorbell ringing and Sophie's shriek pulled her out of her thoughts. She pulled back to stare into his ocean blue eyes that were just begging for her attention. "They're here." She whispered. "We can definitely continue this later." She wiggled out of his embrace but stayed close to his body. She suddenly garbbed his cock though this pants, smiling devilishly. "You better go to the bathroom and calm down." She laughed out loud at him.

"You better let go." He said, roughly pushing her hands off of him.

Once Sandy returned from the bathroom and Jillian played until Sophie was content, they all sat down for dinner.

"This is delicious." Jillian spoke. "I am starting to think Ryan made up all those stories about you not being able to cook."

"Sadly, they're true." Kirsten smiled warmly, wishing this girl would be in their lives forever. Thinking about that, Kirsten's mind shifted and decided now was as good enough time as any. "Have you spoken to Seth?" She directed it to Ryan.

"No." Ryan answered. "But I knew you were going to ask me that tonight." He joked.

Kirsten feigned shock. "What?"

"As much as I want to know what happened last night, it must be killing you guys."

"He'll inform us if there is anything to inform." Sandy spoke rationally.

"Is this about Summer's ring?" Jillian asked innocently.

All their heads turned in her direction. How could she know something that none of them did? Ryan broke the shocking silence. "You've got all our attention. What about Summer's ring?"

"It's gorgeous. Seth did a really good job of picking it out. A two carat, princess cut in a platinum setting."

Kirsten spoke first. "Wait! You saw the ring?" Obviously she did, since she described the exact ring she and Seth went shopping for.

"Yeah, this morning. Summer sent me a picture."

"Well, I guess my son didn't completely freak out." Sandy smiled proudly.

"I wonder how come he didn't call me." Ryan said more to himself than anyone else.

"Does this mean Summer is my sister now?" Sophie asked.

"Something's not right." Kirsten was always the skeptical one.

With numerous phone calls to Seth's cell, Kirsten knew that something was wrong. She couldn't put her finger on it, but decided not to badger him. She figured he needed some breathing room, but had no idea why. According to Jillian, Summer had the ring and was excited about marrying Seth. What could have happened?

A few days later, Kirsten suggested that she and Sandy go on a real date. Ryan agreed to baby-sit, which worked out great. Everyone's mind was on Seth, but this would help all of them forget, for at least one night anyway.

Sandy was on campus while Kirsten was at the gallery all day. Once Sandy finished his last class, he went back to his office to gather his belongings and head home. He was looking forward to spending some alone time with Kirsten. It was good for them to get out every once in awhile.

As he entered his office, someone sitting in one of his chairs startled him. "Seth?" Sandy asked, shocked by his presence.

Seth barely looked up at his father when he spoke. "Hey Dad."

Sandy went over to embrace his son. "Come on, get up and give your old man a hug."

Seth obliged, but with his slumped shoulders and crooked posture, Sandy knew Kirsten was right. Something was definitely wrong. "You know, we have been trying to get in touch with you all week. Needless to say, your mother is worried sick." Sandy took a seat behind his desk and faced Seth.

"I know. I'm sorry. Things have just been..." He struggled with what to say.

"Well you came all the way across the country. You mind as well talk about it." Sandy encouraged, hoping Seth wouldn't bottle up all his emotions.

Seth finally looked up at his father, tears threatening to spill. "I never really understood what you went through with Mom. I never comprehended how badly you must have been hurt, but here I am and unfortunately I finally get it." The words just flowed from Seth's mouth.

Sandy didn't know what to say. He never wanted his son to feel the pain he felt when Kirsten betrayed him, but he knew from they way he was speaking that something terrible had happened between him and Summer. "Seth, what happened? Ryan was over the house with Jillian and she said Summer had the ring. This should be a time for celebrations, not reflections on the past." Sandy had no idea that his son had already gone through such a horrible thing, but he was engaged now and he needed to focus on the future.

"It might be the past for her, but this is all new to me." He said bitterly, almost angry with his father for not feeling sorry for him.

"Well you still proposed and she accepted. What am I not getting?" Sandy needed him to explain.

"Yes, I proposed. I've wanted to make Summer my wife since I was ten years old. Nothing could ever stop me from feeling that way. Then before she accepted, she dropped this bombshell on me. It turns out that while she was on the road with G.E.O.R.G.E., she had been sleeping with one of the other representatives. She said she didn't want to start a life with me unless I knew."

Sandy was speechless. Although he knew exactly how this felt, he also knew that no words in the world were going to make him feel any better at this moment. He could see the hurt, anger and shock all over Seth's face. "I never wanted you to feel this type of pain. It's truly the worst thing to go through." Sandy didn't want to push him, but knew Seth didn't travel all this way to keep quiet. "Tell me what happened after she told you."

Seth sighed, knowing he had to talk about it. He knew his father could empathize. "I was so excited, you know? I never imagined that such an important moment in our lives would turn out so disastrous." He looked back up at his father, hoping he was going to have some magic solution to forget that this ever happened. "Never in my life have I felt so betrayed and that is quite an accomplishment since I pretty much grew up with zero friends."

"Seth..." Sandy started. He just wanted to make Seth understand that this type of thing is something that will take time to heal.

"There I am down on one knee, shocked beyond belief and all I want her to do is say yes. So after she told me, I just repeated the question. I still want to marry her. Nothing is going to change that feeling. I love her, but now all I keep asking myself is if she loves me."

Sandy wanted to comfort his son, but knew the only person that was going to be able to do that was Summer. "I can sit here and tell you that it is all going to work out, but that would be a complete lie."

"I know."

"There was a phase where I really didn't think your mother and I were going to get through what she did. It wasn't about forgiving. I knew I could forgive her because I knew she was truly sorry. That wasn't something that came right away either. It took months of her proving how sorry she was, but the forgetting part and the reassuring of her love was what stood in our way."

"What am I supposed to do?" Seth asked defeated.

"No one is going to have that answer, but you. Only you can determine what is to happen. As much as I hate to say it, this isn't even about Summer anymore. This is about you and what you believe." Sandy knew this next question would determine a lot, even if Seth wasn't aware of it. "Do you believe she is truly sorry that it happened?"

"I don't know." He said sadly. "She told me so I guess that is supposed to count for something."

Sandy smiled. "You know, that was your mother's argument. She told me the truth instead of me finding out from somewhere else. I got to tell you, at the time, it didn't make me feel any better."

"Yeah." Seth agreed. "And now?"

Sandy thought about what to say before realizing that he should just speak the truth. "The fact that your mother and I made it through such a difficult time was a miracle. It really was. You are my son and I want to protect you. Understand that as I speak this next part."

Seth nodded, waiting for Sandy to continue.

"You cannot marry Summer until you are sure that you could live with what she did. Don't rush into this because there is so much to digest here. I don't want to see you get burned again. I think that is what I was so worried about with your mother. I didn't want her to pull the wool over my eyes again. I didn't want her to hurt me the same way again. You have to be that sure about that with Summer if you plan to marry her. You have to be sure that she is truly sorry and that she would never ever do this to you again. Because if there is an inkling of a doubt about that, your marriage will be a complete failure."

"I don't think I could ever be sure about that."

"Well then, there is your answer." Sandy said sadly.

"I mean, how could I ever be so certain of something?"

"It takes time and you will have to swallow your pride in great measures. But if you love her enough, you will give her a chance to prove herself to you. It's not going to be easy, but over time you will be able to tell if she is truly sorry and truly want to build a life with you."

"I never thought it a million years you felt like this at one time."

"I probably felt a lot worse considering we were married for almost twenty years and it happened over a long period of time."

Seth felt terrible for his father at that moment. The office phone ringing pulled him out of his thoughts, but when Sandy made now move to answer it, he spoke up. "You can get it."

"It's okay." Sandy wanted to make sure nothing was more important that him right now.

"Dad, It's okay. I'm the one that interrupted you day."

Sandy looked at the display on the phone and saw it was Kirsten calling. He didn't want to hide anything from Seth. "It's your mother."

"Don't tell her I'm here." Seth pleaded. He definitely didn't want to have this conversation with her. With this entire thing happening, he found himself angry at Kirsten all over again. It was like she and Summer were on the same team now.

Sandy gave him a look, but understood why he made such a request. "Hey."

"I'm surprised you are still there. Ryan is here so I was hoping you were on your way home." Kirsten said over the phone.

"Actually..." He looked over at Seth and saw the desperation in his eyes. "I'm going to have to cancel tonight."

"What? Why? Is everything okay?" Kirsten knew something had to be going on if Sandy was canceling their date.

"Yeah. I'm probably going to be home late so eat without me."

"Sandy, you're acting really weird." She knew Sandy too well and decided for a different approach. "Can you not talk right now?" Maybe he was with someone.

"Exactly." He cryptically responded.

"Okay. You're sure you're okay?"

"Yes, everything is fine. I'll see you tonight. I'll call if I am going to be really late."

Once he hung up, Seth spoke. "Thanks. I really didn't want to deal with Mom right now."

Sandy got up and started putting on his coat. "Come on, let's get some dinner and some beers. It looks like you could use both."

Once they were seated the waitress came over to take their drink order. "Two drafts and two shots of Tequila." Seth ordered for the both of them.

Sandy gave him a look. "You know if it's going to be one of those nights, you are going to have to face your mother because she is going to have to be our ride home."

"I really don't care at this point."

Sandy was worried, but knew Seth needed to release some steam. They ate dinner and were doing some serious drinking at the table. The place wasn't crowded so they weren't in rush to get up and move to the bar. It was probably a good thing since neither of them would have been too solid on their feet.

They spoke about Seth's situation, but Sandy knew eventually he was going to ask about his own personal experience sooner or later.

"I just want Summer to feel as hurt as I do. You know?" He asked, picking up his beer as the liquid swished over the sides.

"Unfortunately, that doesn't work." Sandy stated from his own knowledge.

"Come on. It's got to make you feel better. I certainly can't feel worse. Revenge is completely underrated."

"I'm telling you, it's a waste of time." Sandy said knowing he was drunk, since he was even entertaining having such a personal conversation with his son. "I was so mad at your mother, I thought that was my best option. Sadly I was wrong."

"You mean Nicole?"

"I never thought you would have remembered her name, but yes. That is exactly what I mean."

"Oh please, that had to make you feel better. She had to make you feel like you worth something."

Sandy never thought Seth would feel worthless. Kirsten never made him feel like that. She may have made him feel insecure about a million things at the time, but never worthless. He realized his situation was different because he had Seth and Ryan at the time and they filled the hole that Kirsten left right in the center of his heart.

"Seth, please don't feel that way. You are anything but worthless. If you want to get through this, you have to be strong. You have to give yourself some credit. You are a wonderful person that did nothing wrong."

"Then why did this happen? How could she does this to me?" He said raising his voice a bit. The bar was loud so nobody heard them, but Sandy could sense the tension he was feeling.

"There is no rhyme or reason to any of it. It seems simple. If she loved you, then this would never have happened. Unfortunately love is not simple. There are a million other things that factor in. There's a simple solution though."

Seth picked up another shot glass and motioned for his father to do the same. Once Sandy picked his up, he clanked his glass to Sandy's. "Well, I hope you are going to tell me what that is."

They downed their fourth shot of the evening and Sandy was feeling beyond drunk. He wasn't a seasoned drinking twenty-something like Seth. He hardly every drank this much. "If you love her, you will work on forgiving her. If she loves you, she will kill herself proving that to you. If you don't try and she doesn't begin proving herself, you definitely shouldn't entertain ideas of marriage."

"How am I suppose to work on forgiving her and how will I know if she is doing her job in proving herself? It's not like I ever learned this sort of thing before. How did you know that staying with mom was the right thing to do?"

Sandy thought long and hard of how to answer. He took his time sipping his beer that he certainly did not need at the moment. He knew Seth didn't want to hear that it just felt right. He wanted concrete proof, not something intangible. "You are going to be sorry you asked."

"Don't worry. I'm wasted right now and I am going to try and pretend that you're not speaking about my mother."

"Okay. Well for one thing she never let a day go by where she didn't acknowledge what she did. She never tried to ignore the situation. She never lied about anything after that, no matter how much she knew it might hurt me. She told me that coming clean to me was the hardest thing she ever did and I believe that. It couldn't have been easy."

Seth was intently listening as Sandy continued.

"Believe it or not, she accepted my relationship with Nicole even though I knew it killed her. I liked that it hurt her feelings, but she did nothing to retaliate when I knew she could have with Carter. She wanted us to survive so badly that she watched me try to move on and form another relationship and actually supported it. She hated it, but accepted it for my sake. She knew what I needed and she granted me all the space and time I needed."

"Wow. I never knew that."

"Yeah, well as hard as it was for me, it was hard for your mother too."

"I never really thought about it from her perspective."

Sandy grabbed another shot glass off the table, handing it to Seth. "You're going to need this for the next part." Seth took it and Sandy picked up one for himself and they downed another. "We slept with each other the night of your launch party. Do you remember that? It wasn't too long after she told me the truth. I couldn't help myself. I just missed her so much that I didn't care. After that, she had no expectations of me. She just let me be and we behaved like that for an entire year. Through all the fighting, we still wanted to be with one another. She never pushed for more, never asked for more. She just sat by and waited patiently. It wasn't easy for her."

Sandy looked at his watch and noticed it was much later than he expected. "We need to call your mother for a ride. I can't drive."

"Okay."

Sandy made a call and thankfully Ryan was still there. Kirsten seemed a little annoyed that Sandy blew her off to get drunk with some friends. Sandy knew she would understand once she saw that Seth was with him.

Sandy picked up his beer and continued where he left off. "All I can say is make sure she is sorry and make sure she really loves you because if there is any doubt in your mind now, you will carry that with you for the rest of your life."

"Do you think I should call off the engagement?"

"Do you still want to marry her?"

Seth thought long and hard before he answered, weighing everything together. "Yes. I love her too much."

"Then I would wait before you start making plans. Stay engaged and make sure this is it for you."

"Should I ask her about it? Do you think I should find out the details?"

Sandy chuckled, feeling the effects of the alcohol. "I remember asking your mom to detail every bit and piece of her affair with Jimmy. I hated listening to it and it hurt to hear her speak the way she did, but I think it helped. I think what I was imagining was a lot worse. Of course, I am speaking about this years later and with a lot of alcohol in my system."

Seth laughed. "Thanks Dad. I know it's probably not easy for you to talk about this." Seth looked at his watched and as the numbers blurred in front of his eyes, he didn't think he was this drunk. "Mom is going to kill us."

"I'm afraid so."

Kirsten pulled up to the bar Sandy said he was at, which was located right by the campus. When she saw him swagger out of the bar with his jacket thrown over his shoulder and a toothy grin her worry was quickly replaced by anger. How could he just blow her off? He opened the passenger side door and immediately noticed the pissed off look she threw in his direction.

"Don't be mad." He slurred. "I've got a very good excuse."

"You better." She said, starting to put the car in drive.

"Wait. We have to wait for someone. He's in the bathroom."

"Not only are you drunk, but now you have me chauffeuring around your colleagues."

Sandy waved his hand in the air. "No, this person is my excuse." He noticed her confused look and wanted to make her feel better. "You look gorgeous." He said smiling. He started to lean in, wanting to taste her lips.

"Sandy, I'm in sweats."

"You look gorgeous in anything and nothing. Are we going to have some alone time when we get home?"

She knew what he was asking. "Well, we would have if you didn't break our date. Now you are shit out of luck." She said, playing hard to get.

"You are going to eat those words." He said close to her lips.

She couldn't resist although he deserved to be punished. She met his lips and Sandy immediately turned it into a deep, rushed, passionate kiss. Just then the back door to the Rover opened up and Kirsten pulled back. She couldn't believe who she saw getting in the back seat.

"Hey Mom." Seth said in a singsong voice, which immediately told Kirsten that he was drunk too. "You two are really nauseating."

Kirsten passed a shocking look at Sandy and he finally spoke. "I told you, you were going to eat your words!"

She looked back at Seth. "What are you doing here? Are you okay?" When Seth started giggling uncontrollably, she continued. "I'll take that as a yes. Why are the two of you smashed right now?"

Seth suddenly stopped laughing, remembering why he was here in the first place. Summer. Sandy could sense his uncomfortable ness and spoke for him. "It's a long story Kirsten."

The ride home was filled with silence. Kirsten was dying to know what brought Seth to Berkeley, to find Sandy, and exactly what led them to drink so much. She could tell Seth didn't want to talk about it, but she would corner Sandy later.

"I'm going up to bed. Thanks again, Dad. I'll see you two in the morning." Seth said once they were home safe.

Ryan was sleeping on the couch and Sophie was tucked away in bed. "Ryan." Kirsten whispered. When Ryan stirred, Kirsten spoke softly. "Why don't you stay here tonight? Go upstairs and get some solid sleep. Okay?" Ryan just nodded and wordlessly made his way upstairs as well.

She turned back to Sandy and she saw him leaning against the foyer table. She made her way over to him and had a plan in mind. " You realize I have a million thoughts swirling in my mind." She said, hoping Sandy would just spill the beans. Her curiosity was going to kill her. She wrapped her arms around his middle and leaned in close to him.

"Do you of those thoughts include you and me naked?" His grin was contagious and she started to smile at his kooky behavior.

"Maybe, but that is not what I was talking about. What happened? Why is Seth here?"

Sandy's facial expression changed and he suddenly grew serious. He pulled away from Kirsten, knowing what he was going to disclose would hurt her feelings. "It's complicated and a part of me really doesn't want to tell you because it's going to bring back a lot of painful memories."

"Well, too bad you have to tell me then. Those are the rules when things concern our son." She said in a no nonsense tone.

Sandy took a deep breath, really feeling the affects of the alcohol in his system. "Is this going to affect what is going to happen later because I really want to get you upstairs right now."

"Sandy!" She scolded.

"Okay. Seth proposed to Summer and she told him that she cheated on him. He didn't know what to do and still gave her the ring. He came to me because I have had experience with this type of thing." He wasn't even looking at her now, knowing she didn't want to bring up the past and her biggest mistake. "He didn't know what to do. That is why he didn't return our calls. He is feeling humiliated and insecure and he needed someone to talk to it about."

She felt terrible. She knew her son was probably crushed and wished he could have turned to her. She knew that would never happen since she made the same mistakes. She knew it was something Sandy probably didn't want to think about either and suddenly felt bad for him as well. "So you guys decided to drink the problem away?" She asked, knowing that alcohol was not the solution.

He smiled. "No. We actually spoke about it before we got drunk. Then we grabbed some dinner and decided it was easier to talk about it if we were drunk."

She laughed at his reasoning. "Was it easier?"

"Surprisingly, yes. I hadn't thought about what happened in so long and he was firing all sorts of questions at me." He looked at her sympathetically, knowing she felt bad. "The alcohol definitely helped."

She made her way back over to him, feeling the need to reassure him. "Sandy, I love you. I know we hardly ever talk about what I did, but that doesn't mean that I don't think about it everyday."

"I know." He said, staring at his feet.

She took her hands and placed them on his face, forcing eye contact. "I'm haunted with what I did to you and how I hurt you. I will always be sorry for what I did, but I am so grateful that we are here now." She leaned in and kissed him hard.

Sandy pulled back and kept his eyes focused on her. "I know." He said, determined to let her know he believed her every word. "This is all so new for Seth. There is so much to digest. It took us years to get here."

"And where is here?" She said teasing him a bit.

He thought about how to answer her. "That you and I are not perfect, but we are perfect for each other."

"Good answer." She said, leaning in and kissing him again. "I love you and plan on proving that to you for the rest of my life."

He pushed her onto the couch as their kisses became more intense. "Prove it to me now." He said in between kisses.

"Here?" She was referring to the fact that they were in the middle of the living room and all three of their children were sleeping upstairs.

"Otherwise I won't be convinced." He said with puppy dog eyes.

"You are so adorable when you're drunk."

They eventually made their way upstairs and cleaned up any evidence that they had sex in a communal area of the house. Kirsten was sober enough to remember such things. She also woke up early the next morning, knowing Sandy was going to be nursing hangover.

As she walked down the steps, she felt the soreness between her legs. It only served as a reminder of the night they had. Sandy always had a lot of stamina when he was drunk. It wasn't often they had sex more than once in an evening, let alone three times. Kirsten wanted to give him as much as he could take. She didn't want him to ever doubt her feelings for him.

When she made her way into the kitchen, she saw Seth seated at the table with his head in his hands. She knew he must have been feeling hung-over as well. She wordlessly placed two Advil and a glass of water on the table in front of him. "If you look this bad, your father is going to feel like shit." She tried to make a joke.

"It seemed like such a good idea at the time." Seth answered back.

"Alcohol never makes your problems completely go away. They disappear for awhile, but they always come back to haunt you with a headache in the morning." She wanted to talk to him about Summer, but didn't know if she was in any position to do so. "Are you okay?"

"I guess Dad told you?" He asked.

"Not the details, but the some of the facts. I want to make sure you are okay, but I know I am the last person you probably want to talk to right now."

"That's not necessarily true." He spoke as he picked up the water and downed the Advil. "I don't think I ever truly understood what you and Dad had to overcome."

"Seth, it took a long time."

He ignored her, not needing a pep talk right now. "I always felt so sorry for Dad, but last night he explained to me how the whole thing affected you too. I guess I just never thought about that part of it."

Kirsten stood quiet, not wanting to interrupt her son.

"I don't know what I am supposed to do now." He looked to her for some magically solution.

"There's no rule book for this kind of thing, Seth. Every relationship is different. Every situation is different."

"I just don't know how she could do this, just like I never understood how you could have done that to Dad." He said sadly.

"I'm not going to make any excuses Seth. I'm finally at a place right now where your father knows how I feel about him and how I feel about what I did. If you want to get to this place with Summer, you have to stop dwelling on what she did and figure out how to fix it. It's not going to be easy and it is going to take a long time, but if it is meant to be then it will happen. That's all I can say."

"Thanks Mom."

The following year was filled with a range of emotions for Seth. He knew that he needed time to figure out what was going to happen and Summer actually understood that. As Sandy and Kirsten watched Seth go through such a traumatic period in his life, they revisited their own range of emotions. It was like they were living in the past through Seth's life.

Seth knew that Summer was sorry and that he needed to move past all of this to be happy. With Summer's reassurance and the support from Sandy and Kirsten, Seth decided to move forward with the wedding.

It wasn't until about a month before the ceremony where negative thoughts circled through Seth's head. Sometimes he just couldn't help it. They were leaving the next day for their bachelor/bachelorette parties and Seth was nervous that Summer would somehow misbehave. The girls, including Kirsten, were going to Arizona for a few days to spa and replenish. The guys were heading to Vegas for so much more debauchery.

"You better watch our son." Kirsten started with the list of things Sandy was to do at Seth's bachelor party. "I don't want him doing anything he is going to regret."

"Yeah? Well you better keep an eye on Summer and make sure that Seth's choice to marry her was not a mistake."

"We're going to a spa. You are going to Vegas. There's a big difference!"

"You have a point." Sandy said as he put the last of his things in his suitcase. "He'll be fine." Sandy reassured her.

She moved closer to him, wanting to gain his full attention. "You better behave too. I don't want you to team up with our son and plot revenge against Summer and I." She said.

He laughed at where her mind always drifted. "I promise to behave." He thought of what he could say to fire her up. "So are we going to set any ground rules here?"

She looked up at him shocked. "Ground rules?"

"You know, what I am allowed and not allowed to do?" He pushed on.

"I didn't know you had any urge to do anything." She was trying to gather her thoughts. "I guess touching is okay to you, but you can't touch anyone. Is that fair?"

Sandy started cracking up. He pulled her close, easing her fears. "I'm just kidding, but you are so cute." He kissed her openly and pushed her back onto their bed.

She could feel his growth beneath her, knowing where this was headed. She wanted to tease him back. She broke the kiss and started to push him off her. "Come on, let's go." She immediately saw the disappointment in his eyes. "We don't need Sophie catching us like this again. She is seven now and I am starting to think she knows what we are doing. That wrestling excuse is only going to get us so far."

He stared at her as she climbed off the bed. He couldn't believe she was going to leave him high and dry. "I can't believe you are going to send me to Vegas with a full tank here." He said staring at his erection.

Her eyes followed his and immediately knew what he meant. She climbed back over. "I had to get you back for your earlier comment."

"You're playing with fire, you know?" He teased.

Although going to separate places, both Sandy and Kirsten had the same agenda in mind. Kirsten knew what it was like to be truly sorry for her actions and wanted to make sure Summer was as well. She loved Summer, but Seth was her son and she didn't want to see him get hurt again. She hoped she and Summer would be able to get some one on one time.

Sandy knew what it felt like to be betrayed and knew Seth battled with this for a while as well. He wanted to make sure that he has completely forgiven Summer. He wanted to make sure he was going into this marriage with a clear head. He knew it would take a lot of alcohol, but he hoped to find an opportunity for Seth to open up.

It was the second day at the spa when Kirsten found her opportunity with Summer. They just finished their massages and were lying by the pool, taking in the sun.

"So, any gitters?" Kirsten asked.

Summer looked over, wondering what Kirsten was getting at. "Nope. Not really. I thought I would be more nervous, but I'm not. I really can't wait to marry Seth."

"That good to know." Kirsten replied, not knowing how to phrase this next part. "I know what happened between you and Seth last year."

"I figured you did." Summer said. "I just thought you would have brought it up sooner."

She smiled at her honesty. "I didn't know how."

"I'm sorry." She didn't know what else to say. She apologized to Seth a million times, but never thought how this would affect Kirsten or Sandy.

"Summer, I'm in no position to judge you. You and I both know that. It's just that Seth is my son and I really want him to be happy. I don't want him to spend his entire life worrying about the kind of wife you are going to be."

"You know, I've learned two things from this whole thing. One, no matter how many times I apologize to him, it still isn't going to take away what I did. I thought it would, but I now realize the amount of hurt I caused cannot be rectified by words."

"Well that's a start."

"The second thing is that through this whole thing I know that I really love Seth. I really, really want to be his wife and I'm just lucky he is giving me the chance. I will spend the rest of my life reassuring him of that if it means we can move on. I know it is going to take time, but one day he will hopefully understand the level of my sorrow."

As Kirsten listened to Summer, she felt as if Summer was actually talking about her. She knew that it took time, but she and Sandy were finally at that point. Over time, he didn't look at her with a hint of skepticism or worry. He looked at her with just pure love in his eyes. She could only hope that they would make it because she knew how rare it was. "I just want to make sure you are going to commit yourself to this marriage, no matter how hard it gets."

Sandy's approach with Seth was completely different than Kirsten's. Their trip to Vegas was definitely a little more than he admittedly could handle. Seth, Ryan and two of Seth's college buddies were completely out of control. They were going out at midnight, strolling in at eight in the morning from places Kirsten would kill him if she ever found out they were in, sleeping all day and drinking and smoking more pot than he ever imagined was possible. By the third day, Sandy was exhausted.

His phone woke him up from his evening nap. When he looked at the clock, he groaned. How could he go out again? He knew that was why his phone was ringing.

"Sandy, we're leaving in forty five minutes."

"Ryan, I think I am officially waving the white flag. I don't think my body can take it."

"Sandy, it's the last night. How many times are we going to get to do this?"

"I'm hoping only once more when you get married."

"Tonight is something you are not going to want to miss."

"Yeah, that is what you said the past two nights." Sandy said skeptically.

"Yes, but tonight we are going somewhere different." Ryan said hoping Sandy wouldn't wimp out.

Sandy got his drift immediately and knew Ryan was planning on going to a strip club. He overheard them excitedly talking about it the night before. Not that he wanted to be put in this type of situation, but his mind wandered elsewhere. "I'll meet you in the lobby."

"I'll be at the poker tables."

"I should have known."

Once they were sipping cocktails in the limo, Sandy eased into the whole thing. "I can't believe you guys want to go to a place like this."

Since it was Ryan's idea, he spoke first. "It's tradition Sandy. We have to make sure Seth sees it all before he ties the knot."

"Whoa. I didn't say anything about seeing it all. I can't believe you agreed to come." Seth said back to Sandy.

"For your information, I went to this same gentleman's club for my own bachelor party."

Seth jumped on this. "First of all, who calls them gentleman's clubs anymore? And second, I really hope the same dancers are no longer employed."

Once inside, Sandy once again felt his age. These women looked so young and all he kept thinking was that he wanted his Kirsten. It had been a long time since he had been away from her for this many days.

All the guys took a seat in the corner and started downing tequila shots. He didn't know what type of arrangement Ryan made but the shots kept appearing and so did the women. Ryan had his hands full with the amount of lap dances and made sure Seth was busy as well. Sandy shrugged the few away that came his way, but the guys were insistent on letting him enjoy one or two.

He kept his hands placed firmly on the arms of the chair he was sitting in, granting Kirsten her wish. No touching.

Sandy kept his eyes focused on Seth, wondering what his plans were for tonight. He knew that since he was the bachelor, tons of offers were coming his way. Ryan made sure of that too. Sandy knew in the back of his mind that if Seth made a move, he certainly wasn't ready to marry Summer. He knew revenge was tempting, but he also knew from experience, it wasn't going to make him feel any better. He would just have to wait and see how this whole thing plays out.

As the boys went to the bar, he stayed seated and pulled out his cell phone. He dialed a number that was forbidden, a pact made by the guys. "Hey sexy." He said in a deep voice.

"You broke the pact." She answered smiling. She was in bed, reading a book and enjoying the relaxing time she had. She knew Sandy wasn't doing any relaxing, judging by the noise in the background. "Where are you?"

"I'm at a club with the boys." It wasn't a total lie. "I've been thinking about you and how you are going to get it when I get home."

"Oh, you must be drunk." She replied.

"Maybe a little." He felt someone's hands on his shoulders, and making their way down his arms. He tried to turn around, but his face was met with a big pair of breasts.

"Would your baby blues like a dance?" A stripper whispered close enough to the phone so Kirsten could hear.

Sandy gently pushed the woman away and mouthed a 'no thank you', trying to focus his attention back on Kirsten.

"A club huh?" He heard her say.

"It's nothing. I'm drunk and wanted to talk to you. Plus, I'm having a tough time keeping my eyes on Seth."

"Okay." She said, wanting to end their conversation. She didn't want to hear anymore. "I'm going to go, but remember what I said. Keep your hands to yourself."

"My hands are waiting to do unimaginable things to you." He didn't hear her respond. "I love you. I'll always love you."

"Me too. See you tomorrow."

Once Seth came back and took a seat next to Sandy, he couldn't help but make fun of his father. "I can't believe you called mom. You are so whipped."

"You better hope to be half as whipped as me. It's a great life, Seth."

Just then a dancer walked over to Seth and straddled his lap. Seth looked uncomfortable and Sandy held an amused expression. "I heard you are the handsome bachelor."

"That is I." Seth responded.

"How about we go somewhere a little more private? The clock is ticking until you are tied down and cannot entertain such offers." She flirted.

Just like his father, he gently pushed her away. "That is very kind of you and as tempting as that is, I'm going to have to pass."

The girl got up and moved on to her next victim. Sandy knew this was his opportunity. "You know, I don't want to act a certain way just because I'm here."

Seth picked up his drink. "What do you mean?"

"I'm not condoning this, but if you have any urges to get revenge, you should do it now before it's too late." Sandy didn't want to see his son do anything stupid, but he had to dangle the bait to see if he would take it.

Seth followed Sandy's eye over to the girl that was sitting on his lap moments before. He knew what he meant. "I thought you said revenge wouldn't taste so sweet."

"That for me to know and you to find out."

"I don't need to find out." He answered almost immediately.

Sandy was relieved. He knew Seth as ready to be a husband. "Good."

"I know how badly it hurt to be betrayed and I would never, ever want to hurt Summer like that. She is my world and I would do anything to protect her."

Sandy knew right then and there that he and Kirsten raised Seth to be a good man. He hated that he wasn't more like Seth when it came to his situation. He was never more proud of Seth.

The next evening Sandy flew home, knowing Kirsten was already there. She was supposed to pick up Sophie from her friend's house and spend some quality time with her. It was later than he anticipated getting home, hating that Sophie would probably already be in bed.

He entered their bedroom and saw the most important women in his life snuggled together. He walked over to the edge of the bed watching them in silence, taking in the image. He leaned down and lightly kissed Kirsten's forehead. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled sweetly at his presence.

"Hey."

"Hey." He whispered back. His eyes drifted back to Sophie.

"She wanted to see you so I told her she could wait in here until you got home."

Sandy just nodded and slowly picked Sophie up off the bed. She was barely awake when she spoke. "Daddy."

"Hi baby. I'm home now so you can go to bed. I'll take you."

He started walking out of the room, when Kirsten heard Sophie start firing off a few questions. First about his vacation, then about Seth and Ryan and finally about what they were going to have for breakfast in the morning. Kirsten just laughed, knowing she wasn't fully awake.

When Sandy returned to their room, he stripped himself down to his boxers and crawled into bed next to Kirsten. "God, I missed you." He said into her neck as he left a few butterfly kisses.

"Yeah? How were the strippers?" She had to tease him and giggled to herself when she felt him tense up.

"Quite tame actually."

"No touching?" She asked.

"No touching." He promised. "Besides I spent the entire evening making sure Seth didn't do anything stupid."

"He didn't, did he?" She asked, pulling away from Sandy a bit so she could look into his eyes.

"Not at all. He actually surprised me. I thought he was..." He thought about how much he could tell Kirsten without her completely freaking out. "We did good with him. We raised a good man."

"Well, he takes after his father." She said leaning in a kissing him softly.

They lay there in silence, both their minds occupied with similar thoughts. Seth really loved Summer, probably as much as Sandy loved Kirsten. She was glad her son behaved since she now knew how Summer felt. She was glad that they were going to make it.

Her mind drifted to what she did and for probably the billionth time in her life, she hated herself for the mistakes she made. She looked back at Sandy, seeing he was in deep thought. "I'm so sorry, Sandy. I hate that I hurt you and ..."

He put his index finger over her lips to stop her from going any further. "I know." He thought about all the apologies she had given him over the years. "I know. You don't have to keep apologizing for my sake. I know you are sorry. You have proved that to me a million times over. I truly believe that with all my heart now."

"I'm never going to forgive myself. I always am going to remember the hurt and pain I caused in your life. I don't think it will ever go away."

He didn't say anything, knowing no words were going to change those feelings.

"You amaze me everyday." She continued. "It takes a real man to do what you did. I know that it wasn't easy for you and that's what makes you my miracle. You in my life is a miracle I wake up to everyday."

He looked down at her and the tears in his eyes threatened to spill over. "Kirsten, I don't want you to look at me like that. Our miracle is right inside that other room, sleeping soundly right now. We made that miracle because both of us fought hard to make it a reality."

"Thank you for giving me a chance to be here now."

"Thank you for fighting so hard."

"God Sandy, I love you so much."

"I love you too."

--

--

I know this ride has been extremely long and I love each and every one of you who stuck through all the angst and drama. Please leave a review because they do mean the world to me.


End file.
